* Update- For some reason I am still on the HMF's mailing list and I received this gem today from their website (donated by Yodi btw). Some interesting takeaways from it.
-I went ahead and corrected the "all proceeds" to "20% of the proceeds" to avoid even more confusion.
- Also what does "benefit music education" even mean? Can we get even more vague?
- "Some venues are cash only". Hey! Great idea to include which venues are cash only so that people, like, would know.
- Also, there is no clarification on which venues require vaccination status. That should go over well as well.
- Also, This e-mail is the first mention I've seen of shuttle buses running for the Fest. Where are the drop off spots? The last thing I want is for my tambourine player to be waiting around a venue for a bus that's never coming, or worse, just drives by, and gets gang banged by a bunch of waterheads.
These yahoo's really need to get on the same page or at least fire whoever is running the website/mailing list and taking a part of the 60 % of the "Production Tab".So I would like to pick a number out of a hat, let's say $100, and let's double it to $200, and I will take over the "production" of the website to ensure that everybody maximizes their HMF experience. Because, despite my "roasting", I really do believe that the bands need the exposure, especially after the pandemic which saw the local music scene decimated. What the Fest needs is somebody with an established site and constant fanbase to get behind it and really work on the marketing & promotion of the Fest. Metro Times has left it dead in the water. There is no more Real Detroit. Milo is still jacking off to the Millions of Brazilians. So why not take some of the 60%/10k Production costs and give me my $200 and I will fix everything? It really is a no-brainer, but then again that seems to be the trend. Now let me get back to the latest song I am working on, "Was Queen Kwong Really Worth It?"
From the National Affairs Desk-
It is 2pm and I am finally waking up, sick to the gills, STILL, from wandering around the Sheraton Novi waiting for Kentucky Pete last weekend for that horror convention (which you can read about here), and it was lawn crew day to boot. Even worse, I check my phone and see a message from Elizabeth First, that spider, who I haven't talked to in weeks, and was actually going to call in a wellness check but didn't because people like us live forever, and the message said, "Just to let you know, I voted for you to be the Wayne County Sheriff," and things like this are always the way things start to begin.
Jump, flash, zoom, cut to the present and me and Kentucky Pete, the Wizard, are at this Walgreens where he has sent in an order for "Bryan Metro for Sheriff" posters that we can populate the Hamtramck Music Fest with. As expected the posters were not ready, the order actually cancelled, and K Pete starts waving around a butter knife hissing at the staff and just like that he is banned from yet another Walgreens and things like this are always the way things start to begin.
Slow dissolve, and me and K Pete are at another Walgreens and everything goes smooth and as we are walking to the car I actually take the time to apologize to him that things weren't as exciting as they could have been. While heading back, I receive a text, the first in a series that just may make things interesting.
"JCM should play after the last act at [REDACTED] on Friday or Saturday," the text said, and it caught my attention. I assume this was for the Hamtramck Music Fest so I reply, "Sure. Whatever's right," and contact the crew. The results were painfully predictable:
"I will not be at this show," -jr.
"I sold the bass. You know this," Wang Yellowbone
" " Peter the Freshman
"In the desert," The Indian
"I have Friday off. Maybe we can protest the actual Fest during the set. Make sure to bring the tambourine, blood, and my clothes from the last, final show," E First, of course...
So it was decided. JCM, secret show, 12:45/1am, secret venue, Hamtramck Music Fest. This actually inconveniences me because it cuts in to my "Metro for Sheriff" campaign. The next thing to do was make a flyer.
Then after that, I made some more flyers. If Big Chicken can have a Cucumber Suck Off then JCM can as well, so in addition to hearing some really cutting edge, trendy, but not too hip that it's not hip, music, all the ladies out there now have an opportunity to actually make some money from this!! And you will know where that 20% is going baybay. Lisa J, I'm looking at you.
After the cucumber suck off flyer I decided to make some more. If anything's worth doing, it's worth doing right.
Jump, zoom, flash, cut to the present and things have started to spiral even more. I receive a message that Nique Rhodes & the NLR Experience have dropped out of the Fest due to some concerns.
This kind of sucks because they were one of my more favorable reviews in my preview. Initially I wanted to message them, "Integrity is a dying art. You are now doomed," but then I thought about scrapping the secret show and offering JCM as a replacement. Or maybe keeping the secret show and doing both. Or even replacing Nique, keeping the secret show, and still doing another, a Second!, secret show on Saturday. The possibilities were literally endless. At the end I decided to let others get the "rub" of playing for free. Namely, the legendary Blues Brothers of Central New York. These skullcrackers have been around forever, and don't really have the public eyes that they should have. Yes, I know what you are thinking, "These two yahoo's are based out of Central New York. Why should they be allowed to play in our hallowed enclave of Hamtramck, MI??" Well, hear me out. That didn't stop HMF from booking the famous house-flipper Queen Kwong a few years ago. Trying...trying...trying not to post the pics for old times sake. So why can't the local music community embrace Jake and Elwood. All the hits. Big time hits. Extra treats. They have yet to respond to my booking notification so I guess just pencil them in for now. I did make a flyer for it though, just in case.
So that's it for now, probably my last preview. I sincerely hope that everybody who does attend has fun, plays it safe, safe as milk, and supports the acts that are performing as Nique alluded to above. They are all doing this for free. Full disclosure- I have never had a bad time at a HamFest, and you can trust me. Don't forget about that wristband contest. Favorite JCM memory= 1 wristband. Safe as milk. Plus the weather should be nice.
From the Iceman Commeth,
The Boy Next Door,
#metroforsheriff
Dr. Bryan Metro
Posts
3 comments:
You are slipping in your old age. You neglected to note the sponsors listed on their material. Most of them you can't read, but sponsors usually mean money. Does the sponsorship go to the 60% production, 20% "next year fees", or 20% to who knows where? To quote you, do the sponsors know where the money is going?
They're playing at the Polish Sea League.
I love the Constant Readers-
Anon 2:29- I didn't catch that (not like it matters), but I do believe that the "website" is included in the Production/PR costs. Upon reviewing the website to map out which acts I wanted to not see this Saturday I noticed at the bottom that the website was "donated" by something called Yodi. How does that work?
Anon 2:49- It's what you don't know that matters the most.
Everybody have fun though. Be sure to tip the bands and buy their merch. Support local music, not ??????????????????????????????????????
Post a Comment