Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Final Four at Uncle Ray's

Hey all!

Created an event page for this Saturday for the Final Four at Uncle Ray's.  Event Fun!  For those in the dark, Uncle Ray's was one of the establishments that took my mom's stolen credit card.  I went to all of them and Uncle Ray's was the only place that was a bitch about it.  So I have asked 3 friends to give me their credit cards and I have created an event page Evennt Page with 2 n's to do the Final Four this Saturday right.  Check the previous comments to see the guy they sent to chat with me.  Its hilarious.  He actually said my mom was in there.  Laughable.

Anyway, Final Four, this Saturday at Uncle Rays.  Big money prizes!  Who wins? Who has both games right?  How many heart attacks will Roger Schultz have between the first and second half?  Big money.  Big thrills.  All you had to do is say "We are sorry and will talk with our staff about credit card procedures".  Instead you pissed me off and made an enemy.  Now deal with it, rock and roll.

Follow the buzzards,
Bryan Metro

Monday, March 27, 2017

Uncle Rays- What the Fuck??

"Stop. Think about this. When you came here tonight, is this what you wanted to happen? What, you wanted to feed me fish? To shoot me? Look, you beat up on me, you trash the place, I get it. It's part of the job. But what did you do? You did something different. You pissed me off. You made an enemy. Now, even if I knew something I wouldn't tell you, kid."-  Russell Crowe in "The Nice Guys"

Alright constant readers.  I'm taking a step away from the HMF crap and all the other stuff to address a serious situation.  I know my "history" doesn't give me a lot of sway around town these days, but in my older years I really do try to make things right.  From the Ben's Encore Charity 501c3 problem to the DMA's, I have always just wanted to make the truth be out there.  So I am taking a moment from the local music scene to highlight more of a personal issue.

Last month, my mom's credit card (that she never uses) was stolen.  I have no idea who stole it, and at 65-something she doesn't really track the online statements, but here's the issue.  I do.  $1500 of charges were round up.  So I obtained the statement and went to most of the places with a credit card not of my own.  Made sure to buy beer.  I didn't want to get any business in trouble but I just wanted to offer a courtesy. After the transaction was completed I explained what just happened.  I used a credit card not of my own.  This was not entrapment.  If it was, the cops would have been outside.  This was just a friendly reminder for better business practices. They all were apologetic except for one....Uncle Ray's in Dearborn Heights.

After I pointed out the fact that the ID and CC card did not match up, I asked the artifact barkeep if there was a manager/owner to speak to.  She said no but snatched the paperwork and took it to the other end of the bar where she gave it to some dude named "Jason".  I asked for his full name but all he would say was "Jason" just "Jason". So here we have this Jason guy already seeing my ID (which weirdly has my name on it) along with the statement which incredibly has the account number on it, and he refuses to give me his name.  Red flag dummy!  He laughably asked for my mom's name when he had the CC statement in his hand so he "could check the cameras".  Not sure how the name would matter in that instance, but anyways... Dude refuses to give me his full name. How are you going to check the cameras when you can just pull the receipts from that day (actually there were 4 days from that billing cycle)?  Do they even keep receipts??  Dude turns out to be the owner, Jason Thomas  Here are his details:
Uncle Ray's Stooge

That episode took a lot out of me.  At one point the non-artifact bartender (who is actually worth a doff) told me to "just leave!".  I was a paying customer (actually using his own money for once) who just wanted to give them a heads up. And it just got worse today when his right hand man (verbiage used loosely) Roger Schultz went on a hunt to find out who I really was. Why would you have to do that if I have a clean record unless you were scared.  Give it a rest fat boy old man. It's no secret, you can find me at the Metro Final Four viewing at Uncle Ray's this Saturday.  Oh shit one sec.....this is the scum who is cool with places that accept stolen credit cards:  Roger Schultz:
Roger Schultz

Look up these guys.  Ugh....just ugh. I mean who wears a fucking cowboy hat these days?  All I am saying is that if a simple credit card mishap happened, then okay, but the way they reacted.....welll that kinda makes me think something else is going on.  I'm not saying that something else is going on at Uncle Ray's in any way, but for them to react the way they did; scared, well it makes one think.  Prove me wrong Uncle Rays.....if there is nothing to hide....why not give your name??  I'll close with the same quote:

"Stop. Think about this. When you came here tonight, is this what you wanted to happen? What, you wanted to feed me fish? To shoot me? Look, you beat up on me, you trash the place, I get it. It's part of the job. But what did you do? You did something different. You pissed me off. You made an enemy. Now, even if I knew something I wouldn't tell you, kid."-  Russell Crowe in "The Nice Guys"

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Queen Kwong (local music scene) is a joke...

This scene is a joke.

So here's the story and I'll spin it quick:

L.A. band with a self-indulged frontwoman who takes nude pics to try to "get over the hump" which fails (but hey I'm not judging), and then hooks up with a 90's relic from Limp Bisquit and it finally gains some steam.

They decide to "move" to Michigan and is a featured act at the "largest local music festival investigated by the IRS" the Hamtramck Music Festival.  They had a few supporting shows before the Fest but after the Fest.....absolutely nothing.  Way to go Michigan.

Next up is a UK tour financed by Wes Borland's Visa followed by a "new record" which nobody will be able to name a song from.

They're like a tick.....chomp down on a local music fest (advertised as volunteered but were they paid????) and then disappear.

So Queen Kwong....fuck off.  Age is going to hit you hard...

So make a t-shirt about that, airhead...

There are absolutely ZERO local music writers who give a shit anymore. I understand the need to be positive about local music, but just ignoring all the bullshit going around is inexcusable. If you call yourself a "music journalist" and turn a blind eye to the terrible stuff that is going around and just co-opting press releases and sugar coating everything.....well fuck. And to you, I say, Fuck you too. There's no opinion anymore. You're welcome.

Oh, and just to reiterate how much of a joke this is.  I hope every act that played the "largest local music festival being investigated by the IRS" takes a good look at this pic.

Great job EVERYONE!

Follow the Buzzards
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Wrestlemania Season Continues

Metro checking in.  I'm taking a break from stopping rape culture to happily announce that the JCM has once again been added to the pool of nominees for the Detroit Music Awards.  This, after last year, when we were ignored completely, makes it all the more sweeter.
We are nominated for Best Electronic/Dance Group
Best Electronic/Dance Producer (Dash)
And TWO, TWO, TWO songs under Best Electronic/Dance Song: "Altered Photographs" and "Leather #2"( which isn't even finished yet).  Yes, we have a song nominated that isn't even done yet.  This has to be a first, even for us....

You need to be approved to vote so start the process by going to the DMA website : http://www.detroitmusicawards.com/index.php

JCM for DMA 2017

Once again, thank you for your support and readership!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Hiatus Over-Perspective

Well, it wasn't long but I'm back (in blood red letters on the Chemical Bank).
I've laid low for a bit, but as always, something got under my skin.

This past weekend there was a tribute show for Rabeah Lteif and the Planet Ant Hall (that is being shoved down everybody's throats these days and I won't even get into the corruption of the venue with HMF).  Rabeah was a friend of mine, not somebody I talked to every week, but a friend.  He repeatedly said (off the record) that he loved what the JCM did and how it was against the grain and made the local scene dangerous and fun again (his words), and how he wanted to collaborate on stuff.  Unfortunately, I take full ownership of my laziness and fucked that up and it never happened.  Now he is gone, and I no longer have that opportunity, and that really pisses me off.

R had his demons, as many of us do, and I think that his wishes would be to learn from them.  I hear you spirit brother.  So if you are friends with somebody who has a problem, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling, crime; make an effort to reach out and offer help. Its way more effective than a bunch of yarn or t-shirts. Don't wait until its too late. That's what real friends are.

There has been a lot....a LOT of pats on the backs this weekend, and it kind of makes me sick, and no amount of 2008 yarn can make up for it.  We all failed here local crew, and yes I consider myself the local crew, so yes, we should remember, but also learn from this very very sad situation.  I am 100% confident that all moneys will go to the charity (unlike the Ben's Encore debacle), but to anyone who knows of a friend in need, please act!.  Yes, this gathering encouraged me to cover local music for 10 more years, but I'm doing it for the right reasons....   And there is your "pipebomb".

Rest in Power,
Bryan Metro

Sunday, March 12, 2017

On Hiatus

Metro here,

Though there is much left to be done, I am taking a hiatus.  All of the chaos the past month has taken a legitimate toll on my physical and mental state.  I can't do it alone, and I really made an honest attempt to point out some sketchy things going on around town.  So here is what I had planned.  The What If's:

What If's

-Covering Raw at Joe Louis Arena:  The final WWE event at the JLA, where the Big Show and Undertaker both won their first titles.  Lot of history there, and Metro will be the timekeeper.

- March Madness JCM tourney:  I was going to have a bracket contest with the grand prize being an autographed Bryan Metro nude, but I scrapped it when I realized you had to reveal yourself to participate meaning it just would have been me, my advocate Pauline Human, Peter the Freshman, and the Eat This City guys (throwback).

-Ahhhhh and here is the biggest What If.  Attending the Seraphine Collective's campfire "Stop Rape Culture" discussion with a camera crew (for my safety along with documenting it). With these "pat on the back" discussions they always freeze when given a real question.  It happens on both sides.  "Why do you support Trump's wall?"  Frozen.  "Why are you marching for women?"  Frozen... This is the part that you want to focus on.  I'll give you a second........

Here is a post from this blog from Oct. 9th, 2013 about a local musician who was a registered sex offender (with intent to penetrate).  I didn't know "Stop rape culture" was a thing back in 2013, but here's the link along with a few interesting screencaps.

Did any other local blogs, music "journalists" like Milo, or ANYBODY report on this?  No, of course not, because everything was hunky dory in the local music scene.  But we did.....pause a minute for a back pat.

In 2012, there was an absolutely terrible incident at the MT Blowout where there was a kidnapping and sexual assault that once again NOBODY wanted to talk about (aside from Broke in Detroit blog).  I contacted the MT numerous times for comments but nothing.

Seraphine Collective officially went online in late 2013 with a poorly written blog (worse than mine even) mostly about feminist music.  Flash forward to 2017 and they are hosting "Stop Rape Culture" discussions.  Where were you a year after the Blowout assault? (We were one of the few sites to raise awareness of it even happening). 

Where were you for the No Wave Fest (screencaps in the link) where a registered sex offender (with intent to penetrate) was booked.  I know both events occurred shortly before you going live but why not mention them?  Even worse look at all the bands booked to play the Fest that DIDN'T drop out because a sex offender playing on the bill.  Lets do a roll call:
Laura Finlay
Wasabi Dream
George Morris
Mexican Knives
Kickstand Band
Radio Burns
Silent Lions

Where was "Stop Rape Culture" then?  Yet we were the only site to bring it up.

Flash forward to 2017 with all these self-righteous back outs and votings to boot people.  Spare me.  You are advertising a slogan and not an idea, and you have no idea what it even means (especially when it benefits you).  I could bring in somebody from the street to the discussion, cut him loose and yell "He supports rape culture" and the entire collective would point and repeat "Rape Apologist" like a bunch of Oompa Loompas.  

This is what it has come to and I no longer want to be a part of it.

Seraphine Collective, I did in 2013 what you did in 2017, and I did it better.  We really could have been friends, but honestly, you are too fucking stupid.

In closing, the HamFest finally issued a statement from themselves and the Ben's Encore charity (probably because the board members are jumping off the raft) thanking everyone for the 2017 HamFest.  Only a few days after I pointed out that they didn't.  Yeah, the thousands of readers matter.  Maybe next they can post the numbers or another statement on their 501c3....

After all that, and everything around the local scene including how everyone turns the cheek at the HMF/charity corruption, I have come to a decision........ and it will disappoint a lot of people.......

I ain't going anywhere!!

I will be zapping the comments for a bit, but will approve all of them.

This is the game that moves as you play,
Bryan Metro

First Public Appearance Revue/Patti Smith

For the first time since the Hamtramck Music Festival debacle, I, Metro ventured out into the music scene and attended the Patti Smith "Horses" show at the Royal Oak Music Theater.  I was warned by some of my constant readers that there very well may be members of the aging HamFest Committee there using the undocumented money from the festival and charity to get tickets second hand.  But still, I had to go.

Okay let me get my jokey JCM stuff out of the way first:
-Saw Margaret Dollrod there wearing wayyyyy too much clothes for my liking.

-Saw a group of young guys near the bar and made a joke that they need to be kept off Lee Majors' radar and literally seconds later Lee shows up and with them.  "I'll make you big!"  Laughably predictable. Looks like the HamFest share went to a good cause after all.  Creeper saw me, turned, went, and never saw him again the rest of the night.

The show:  It was seriously one of the best live shows I have ever seen.  The energy, vibrancy, and god damn, the voice at 70 years old was a sight to behold.  The Horses album was predictably amazing, and they even did a post Horses set with other memorable hits like "Dancing Barefoot", "Citizen Ship", and numerous tributes to Fred "Sonic" Smith (the good guitarist from MC5).  It honestly felt like a goodbye.  Patti gets it, always has, and has a genuine love and sense of equality for her and her man Frederick that the nitwits who populate the Seraphine Collective can never even understand.
After the show they took some footage for a "project" and Patti and Lenny did a 30 second rendition of "Rock and Roll Nigger" which made me jump out of my seat.  I have never called a concert transcendent before....but....

Outside of Society,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, March 11, 2017

I'm Working Towards a Hiatus....

Metro here,

Quick update.  Working on the liner notes from our DVD, and it positively exhausting, then making one final post before a well deserved hiatus, a post that will be a decent send off for a bit.  The dvd consists of our very first show, at the Painted Lady in 2008 along with extras such as the opening bands/karaoke/and our first video (actually our only vid; our video dude went insane and destroyed all the rest). 

Show #2 is the infamous 2010 MT Blowout show, the Inglourious Basterds show where over a thousand Metro Times almost were ignited at Whiskey in the Jar.  Terrible set but the most punk rock this town has seen in years.

Show #3 is the very first HamFest show at who knows where.  Baker's maybe?  God, the difference between the crowd at the show vs. this year....I feel guilty...

And the final post before the hiatus will deal with a certain Sunday event going down in HamTown.

Going to go away for a bit so savor it and follow the buzzards,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Happy International Women's Day!

Happy International Women's Day!!

What?  Did you think that was it?  Actually a part of me wanted to just leave it at that.  But, on the other hand, part of me owes you a post today. I was going to ramble about how my mom is one of the greatest women/people in the world, but that would just bore you as much as the latest episode of Detroit Comix Party. On the other hand, I am fighting the flu BUG
and feeling lazy.  So instead I will just copy and paste a comment I made in the previous post with a few modifications and be done for the day.....Cheers!

Here's the deal and I will spin it for you quick..... No matter what anybody does or says these dark days of the year of our lord 2017 (see, some people will say leave the deity out of it and some will say "God? Awesome") some people will have something to bitch about and some people will have something to praise. Some people love the Milo Show because he takes the time and effort to showcase local talent, but others disagree with him calling himself a music journalist because its so tame and offers no objectivity; blindly liking every post by the HMF when there was dissension and corruption everywhere. Now THAT'S the lead! That's your story if you really are a "journalist" like ME (lol). But in my spoiler alert, as predicted, the HMF is in the rear view and everybody involved are like rats on a sinking ship. I was right all along, as usual. And you know what really rubs me the wrong way is that after all the pandering, and apologies, and "mission statement" after "mission statement", neither the Fest nor Ben's Encore had the motivation or energy to actually THANK the people who paid to come out, the bands who played for free (was Queen Kwong part of those??), the volunteers they solicited up until the day of the show, the venues who hosted the show? Was there any type of statement there? A statement of positivity and gratitude from the committee? Of course not because if you have been reading here the past few weeks, I have exposed how shallow and corrupt these people are.

So to everyone who comes to this blog, the last bastion of real honest journalism in this town (along with the occasional boob) I want to say thank you to you. Some people love to claim that only five people read this but my numbers show more in the thousands, and everything that happened the past month seems to support that. So which slogan will save us all? Well this month it'll be "Stop Rape Culture", the laziest slogan ever. Duhhhh rape is bad. Don't do it and don't encourage anyone to do it. (That was expressing the banality of the slogan and not making light of a serious offense for you people who want to dissect every word) Next month it'll be "Make George Morris Great Again". Now this is the real issue because it'll take a lot of minds to make that happen. Okay, that was a joke, he was never great to begin with. See, its satire!!! So the best slogan would have to be "Fuck Off (but keep reading)".

Fuck Off (but keep reading)
Bryan Metro

Monday, March 6, 2017

Final HamFest Post-The Have Nots

Hey all, Metro checking in with what will probably be the last of the 2017 Hamtramck Music Festival posts.
I hope that it is a fitting coda for a Festival celebrating community, equality, celebration, controversy, and corruption.  I waited until a day after the Fest to post this post in tribute to the actual Fest waiting until a day after kickoff show to post their "Survival Guide", finally profiling the bands that are playing, and a "Survival Guide" that previewed bands that played the night before....  Okay, I ramble, the theme of this post is The Have Nots.  As my constant readers know, I did a series of posts previewing all of the acts initially announced.  Was it rude? Yeahhhhh probably.  Was it funny?  Yeahhhhh maybe.  Were tops requested to be doffed? Yeahhhhhhh no comment.  Did it have boobs? Kinda.  Did it set off a series of events that imploded the entire Fest?  I honestly don't know.

So, allow me to bring back the format and take the time to revue all of the acts that were added to replace the acts that were booted, dropped out, etc.  I warn, there are quite a few.  Granted, half of them are doing double duty having already been booked under different names/bands and the other half consist of bands that did not make the initial cut of 180 FUCKING LOCAL BANDS!  Disclaimer: As always I search for the act on Facebook and Youtube and review the first song/video I find.  Let's Dance!

The Have Nots

Hon. Mention to Colorwheel who actually appeared in the original preview and according to their FB, dropped out the day of their set.  Nahhhh, nothing to see here.........

HMF All Star Jam/Rap Battle-  One of my laugh out loud favorites. Didn't even make their official "survival guide".  I'm assuming it was just everybody who had already played.  Did anybody even go?  They should have just had a rep from the committee read the e-mail they sent out saying "Hey, we need to kill time at the 11pm slot at Painted Lady." And really, what an insult to all the other real bands playing around town at 11pm that they are not considered "HMF All Stars".  Wasn't that the theme this year.  We are all Stars?

Infinite Land of Make Believe- Aka, a typical Thursday emergency meeting from the HMF Committee.  J/K.  Actually, FB and Youtube brought up nothing.  Now if the Fest had even a sense of wit, this set would consist of total silence.  We're off to a great start.  Expect many more like this, I'm guessing....

696 Blues Band- "Live at Elijah's"-  Actually found something!!!! 26 minutes of a soundcheck.  Pass.

Jaye Thomas- Dude from Rogue Satellites. Double duty pass zone.

Krillin-  "Various FB posts"-  Bunch of theater geeks who typically take themselves too seriously (I would know).

Audfeed- "Live at Loving Touch"- Presented by Truth Porn Militia.  Oh, we really are off to a great start.  Musically, actually, not bad at all.  Our first winner!

Anthony Retka's Big Parade- Double duty.  Played the SAME DAY as "Anthony Retka" at Cafe 1923.

The Plague Suns- Another act nothing to be found

Village Wives-  "Album Teaser"-  I did not have any issue with this at all. Good demo song.

Analog Lights- "Live at Smalls"-  This, I believe, was to originally be a set from "Run From the Fest....I mean Future".  Decent stuff.  Well produced.  No problem.

The next three were all to be at PLAV #10 after the Feminazi Social Justice Warriors lost their shit (more on that in a bit)...

Blue Black Hours- "Waltz Around the Sun"-  Psyche-jam band sleepy time.

Human Skull- "Putting On"-  They're no Human Eye, but they are at least having a good time.

Chaw- Just found a bunch of FB posts.  Got bored quick.

Steve Greene- Guy from Voyag3r.  I almost misspelled it out of principle.  A double DQ!  Double duty already playing + disqualification for stupid band name spelling.  Yerrrrrr outta here!

Sold Only at Curio- "Break Away"-  Not my thing, but at least they're having fun.  Almost skipped them solely by name.

The nest two are from the original JCM Showcase...

W.O.M.B- They don't get a proper revue because they didn't actually play, but they got a Gold Sturr for this:  They are the only act to have been pluggen in to replace a booted band (JCM) and then dropped out also.  They hit for the cycle.  I wish I was making this up....

Red Rose- The band that replaced the band that replaced JCM.  I found nothing on FB/Youtube.  Should have just kept JCM to begin with.  Crying laughing.

Five Piece Problem- "Live at Lager"-  I initially thought that this was a makeshift band of HamFest Committee members.  I was wrong.  Decent rock.  Best part was pudgy James Parsons/Wang frontman.

Sugar Bombs- Lots of FB but little actual content.  Yerrrrrr out!

Tony Nova- Took too long to find out who this actually is.   Yerrrrrr outta here!

Bave-  Found nothing again......I hope you appreciate the effort I am putting into this...

   And now we come to our finale:  The Trixies Showcase.   As you probably know, this was where White Shamed....er....Shag was supposed to play and the bands dropped/were booted, the booker went nutty; ah man, its all a haze at this point.  Anyway, three of the four acts are new except for "Tammi".  However, "Tammi" was on my first prevue and I found nothing.  For the sake of this narrative, let's just assume that the original "Tammi" was replaced with a completely different "Tammi", and we'll go from there:

All City Cypher-  Couldn't find shit.  Next.....oh, no.....

Sntnck Presents- Furious vs. Coney- If you think I'm Googling this nonsense then you are a fool of yourself.  Let's just call it a Tunde side project and call it a day.

Wizard the Girl-  No content.  Are you surprised at this point?  Just FB self-promotion.  Almost passed completelt based on the band name.

Well that's it for all of the acts that were in "All hands on deck" mode for 2017 HMF.  And now the Coda.......

The Coda

Okay so....The Nutso's at the Seraphine Collective pulled out from the Fest (PLAV Hall #10 to be specific) very much like Queen Kwong did in order to push the JCM off of the Fest.  Cracking up at the fact Queen Kwong hopped back on once JCM was kicked off, and to their integrity, used a phony "Go Fund Me" that had the nerve to post a serious t-shirt campaign based off a JCM GonFundMe joke post about selling a "glamour shot" (never mentioned "nude") that they turned into yet another SJW campaign, a galvanizing t-shirt gimmick to benefit blah blah.  Full disclosure:  I never posted the glamour pic and it actually was going to be a shot of the Limp Bizkit dude.  Please go back to L.A. airhead....

Now.....we get to the Seraphine Collective.  Social Justice Warriors.  Feminazis.  They got what they wanted by havind Band X kicked off the Fest and then went ahead and booked a show at UFO Club, a non-HamTramck venue even after the Band X was booted.  Oh fucking spare me.  You got your way, band booted, and still booked a secondary show???  You fake feminists are the worst.  We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!

They had a wonderfully positive slogan plastered there everywhere saying "Stop Rape Culture" that they happily pasted on t-shirts that people like Gabe Dodson was wearing, wandering around, probably not even knowing what "rape culture" even means......The SAME Gabe Dodson who sexually harassed a female fan of the JCM actually asking "Which one of them are you fucking?" only to pull it an hour later.  Yeah, that Gabe Dodson.  I apologize for not having a screenshot, but he pulled it quick.  At least he knows..... and should buy a comb. Old as Fuck Empire indeed... To paraphrase instead from tyour pal at the Committee:, I truly hope to never see you again..".  My aside: To Laura Rock, at any time feel free to removie his foot from his mouth.  And yuck, I'm sorry."

The Coda of a Coda

To all the bands who were booted-Thank you for wanting to have a good time.
To all the bands who were booked-  Thank you for a good time.
To all the bands who filled in-  Thank you for playing and making sure everybody who bought a wristband got a full show.
To the bands/venues; booker/venues- Thank you for backing out, raising awareness and thank you for staying on, so HamTown could have their Fest.

Yeah, I contradicted myself a bit near the end, but I am at my most honest now.  The 2017 HMF was a fest of chaos and contradiction.  So lastly I would like to thank ME, because, lets be honest for a minute, if it weren't for me, none of this would have even happened.  Goodbye.

From the Iceman Commethh,
Bryan Metro

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Serious Time-For a Moment

This link of a terrible situation came across my desk today.  The link was posted at 11pm Saturday, 10pm on tv, and the hit and run incident happened around 8, the start time of some venues at HMF.  Of course I'm not surprised that no other people associated with the HMF, played, or covered it has reported this as everything is "great in town", and people have to rely on this ridiculous blog for any info.  It is disgusting nobody has reported this.

It is a hit and run of a pedestrian and it happened at the corner of Joseph Campau and Caniff Saturday between 8 and 9pm.  If anybody has any info at all please contact the proper authorities.  The link is below:

Hit and Run Incident/Hamtramck


Saturday, March 4, 2017

Now that its over. A spoiler alert on the future

"Why do you have to be such a fuck up?  All you do is get drunk and everybody hates you!"-  The Nice Guys (2016).

Yeah the title is a little redundant, spoiler alert on the future and all, and I may be a fuck up, and drunk all the time, and everybody is on the record as hating me.  However, I do have one last thing to say.  Actually that would be a lie.  I do plan on doing a (belated) preview for all the bands added to the fest after so many were booted or dropped off that I was not able to profile in the initial, infamous, prevue.

So spoiler alert, let me spin it for you quick.
Now that the Fest is done this is what is going to happen.  Everybody is going to distance themselves from everything, especially the committee.  There will be rumblings of staying together, but all of the bands who did not have the balls (or more importantly the integrity) will very very quietly move on to their new endeavours and forget any of this really happened.  Most will abandon contact with the committee members which is sad because they supported them up until the end of the Fest, but hey, any chance for Odd Hours to have a platform to take pictures of themselves that only themselves can look at....why not??

Its already started.  Here is a link for a Milo post that is typically 9 paragraphs too long with Lo and Behold Records:

Nine paragraphs too long

A real journalist would have have asked the most important question.... "Why?"  I love that it was posted the last day of the Fest.  Just getting a jump on things I guess.

Now that it is all over I do feel a tinge of sympathy for the committee as everybody will be jumping of the sinking ship and Lee Majors slips into the shadows for another year, or until Blowout returns.

Final preview for tomorrow:  Here is rare footage of Hip in Detroit Sadie attending the all you can eat brunch on Sunday:

Sunday All you can eat!!!!

It was fun,
Bryan Metro

Revised Saturday HamFest Prevue

Gotta be quick now, but I have revised my initial schedule for Saturday at HamFest.  Myself, Bryan Metro, Baron Corbin, Jean, and E First have scrambled the plans.

The decision to revise our schedule was made after the HamFest site advertised some silly podcast inviting that anybody could participate, and obvious bait for me, only to find out that the committee member who sent the drunken, mildly threatening 3am e-mail "I truly hope to never see you again." was there the entire time (or most of it at least).   Soooooooo, let me do my best HamFest impersonation and throw out the previously posted schedule (see what I did there?) and issue my too little too late revised schedule.

Metro's Saturday HamFest Schedule

I first would like to apologize to all the bands on the initial Saturday prevue for letting you down:  the entire Hamtramck Public Library  I am sorry I couldn't work the doors to protect you from the leeches out there. To Six and the Sevens I am sorry that you will never see me again.  To Golden Torso, I am sorry I will not be at your show, but you are welcome for me opening your eyes to how things work around here.  To Red Robe (formerly W.O.M.B. and formerly JCM)....wait, now I'm cracking up.  Has that ever happened before?  Can we make a meme of the "Curse of PLAV #6 Headlining slot"?  Anyways to Red Robe, I apologize for not being there.  I really did want to see what they replaced us with....

Okay....the revised Schedule QUICK!

I wanted to just be lazy and pick the Painted Lady, who has seen a dramatic shift in acts aside from the headliner "Dark Red".  Ahhh fuck it
9:15-  696 Blues Band:  Just out of principle

10-  The Beggars:  Playing a little too early, but they do rock.

11-  Detroit Party Marching Band:  Just so I can recreate the church scene from Kingsmen.

11:15-  The "HMF All stars":  Just so I can see everyone they scrambled to fit that slot.  And once again I apologize to every other band booked at that time for not meeting the qualifications of being a "HMF ALL STAR"

11:45-  Ryan Allen:  For one last time, for old times sake.

12:15-  The Faux Montreux:  Only because I have intentions of stealing the bass player's gf.

So there you have it!  Honorable mentions go to Lo and Behold Records for completely pulling out along with the acts at Trixies which also aren't quite the same.  Can't put my finger on that.  Give me a month.  See you soon, and keep your eyes open.  Metro out.

Bryan Metro

HamFest/DDA October Surprise

Metro here.  Logan was great but saw this comment on the open blog:  "The DDA money was to recoup money for the Hamtramck Labor Day festival not HMF"

Alternative facts???  Well let me look through my documents (sent to the IRS and Channel 7)...,ok..

Hamtramck DDA Minutes/Board of Directors meeting Jan. 7th, 2015:

Those in attendance were: Mayor Karen Majewski, Vinny Szymborski, Alissa Shelton (Bank Suey), Larry Ingram, Jerry Duncan, Kathy Angerer, Andrew Dow (Painted Lady), Joan Bittner

Those absent: Dr. Golani (aka my next screen name), Mark Hausner

Guests: Saad Almasmari (City counsilman), John Bissa (HMF committe), Shannon Lowell (Cafe 1932/HMF), Konrad Maziaraz (Ham Library/committee), Tony Liggett, Ciolleen Conroy, Matt Luke, TJ Gretch (who designed the copyright sketchy t-shirts), & Andrew Perotta

Now lets have some fun.....

Section One: Agenda Items- 

B.  The Hamtramck Music Festival representatives made a presentation to the DDA board.  The summary presentation document was prepared and presented by the Festival group.  As part of the presentation, the group is looking for financial support.  The specific request is for $2,500.  After a brief board discussion the motion was made to approve $2,500.


The Festival committee reps made a presentation to the board regarding their current financial situation.  According to their own unaudited.....(Metro chiming in....I stress the actual use of the word "unaudited" in the ACTUAL MEETING MINUTES...ok carry on) records, they appeared to have a shortfall between $4,200 and $4,500.  There was some confusion as the exact financial position (not my words....these are in the meeting minutes).

After some discussion, a motion was advanced as follows: Approve the expenditure of $4,000 to support the 2016 Festival.  The motion was made by Vince Szymborski and seconded by Mayor Majewski.  Motion carried.  This will make the total 2016 commitment equal to the 2015 commitment.

Please don't make me dig that stuff up now too.....

The best part is......this is just a taste

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, March 3, 2017

HamFest Friday Revue (Plus bonus prevue)

My coverage of HamFest Friday showcase will be as underwhelming as the actual Fest.

I went to see Logan.  Amazing movie and best comic movie since Dark Knight.

Tune in Saturday to see which movie....I mean act I see this time.

Stay tuned next week for my revue of all the bands the Fest added after multiple bands were booted/dropped out.

Here is a prevue shot of Hip in Detroit arriving at the all you can eat Sunday brunch.....pray for me.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

HamFest Day 2 (170 bands drop out, G Morris remains)

Wow, what a whirlwind of a Fest we have so far.  I found out today that Sisters of Sunshine Acid and Timmy's Organism, along with a few others, dropped out of the "largest local music festival featuring a band from LA" in the nation.  Why? Well its not my position to put words in people's mouths so you figure it out.

I heard last night's kickoff was a DELIGHTFUL success from a 3am drunken e-mail from one of the committee members which concluded with "I truly hope we never cross paths again."  Makes sense.  I'm retired after this weekend.  But yes.....that phrase "this weekend"....yes, we still have this weekend to get through.  I posted my Fest tour guide days ago.  Today.....just an hour ago from 5pm, Friday March 3rd, 2017, the Festival posted their "HMF Survival Guide" (which is one of the most unintentional/hilarious titles of the past decade).  They posted the guide ONE DAY AFTER THE FEST HAS STARTED.  This tells you everything you need to know.

I took/wasted some time going through it and was jarred by how many bands featured in our (deleted) prevue were no longer on there.  JCM, White Shag, the ENTIRE venue Lo and Behold Records and bands booked there (NN shoutout/pours out Natty Ice), Sisters of the Nighttime Gas, Timmy's Organism, and a few more.

I am cracking up at the revised Painted Lady 11:15 slot featuring "HMF All Stars/Rap Battle"....Really???  Really???  So basically lets get everybody who played the kick-off show to cover for a band that pulled out due to Integrity (google it) and basically say that everybody else playing at that time is not an "All Star".  I write a bunch, but even I couldn't come up with this.  Every band playing the 11pm slot should pull out and ask to play the "All Star Jam" Saturday.  There's still time.....

I really want somebody (I've done enough) to step up and do a photo essay on the 1st HMF schedule compared to today's.....  What the hell happened?  Well let me spin it for you...

JCM was so mean, racist, sexist.....and got Queen Kwong to back out temporarily.  Nah

White Shag.....Fake Feminists Assemble!!!  Nahhhh

HMF Committee corruption......ehhhhh maybe

The Detroit Music Scene cannibalising itself like it always has done......yeah that's more like it.

And don't blame me.  I just served the appetizers.

See you tonight!
Follow the Buzzards,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, March 2, 2017

The Committe Responds!!!!! To Metro!!!!! Finally!!!!!

"Sometimes, 'I don't care what people think of me' = 'I now have license to act poorly to everyone around me'."

Okay, quite an ominous opening statement and I will get to that in a minute....but first, flash back 9 hours to where a member of the Hamtramck Music Committee reached out with an attempt to explain things.  I was surprised but not stunned. I however, was disappointed that the committee waited until the DAY OF THE KICKOFF to reach out.  After all I have been doing this for weeks, ever since we were removed from the Festival, which really got this whole ball a rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' whaaa, keep rollin' rollin', rollin rollin'.  (Sorry couldn't resist).  In the e-mail they asked me not to use the content of the message as part of my shenanigans, a request I adhered to.  Hell I respect the dude, and that e-mail from them will remain unposted at their request.

However, a similar request for me not to use my response was not issued to me, and 3 hours ago I see a direct quote from my response e-mail posted on social media from somebody attending the kick off party.  So I guess I was right after all.  Anyways, the quote above is from the social media post, but here's the real entree.  My entire, unedited response to the HMF committee:

Hello XXXX,
I was and wasn't waiting for this e-mail.  I do understand why they picked you to send it, however.  We did have quite the time at the very first Hamtramck Music Festival.  I'd like to think that it was then it was at its most genuine; a real alternative to Blowout, and I was quite excited to be returning this year and even did my part by previewing and roasting the other bands.  Even if I had a bad opinion it still got their name's out and got people searching for their music to judge for themselves.  Anyway, I ramble...

First off, let me say "thank you" for reaching out to me.  I appreciate the effort to clarify some of the quite large spectacle I have made of myself and the Fest.  I appreciate the fact that you played with Ben and are trying to honor his legacy.  On paper, the charity is an amazing idea.

That being said, the people running it, along with members of the committee, are borderline incompetent.  I initially was torn between everything being a scam/slush fund or just incompetent.  Its probably a combination of both.

I am also quite disappointed that the JCM was removed from the Festival by the committee caving in to that band from LA.  Then the whole tax thing came to my attention (3 years??) and I went from there.  Maybe I did create a "public spectacle" but isn't that what I do, for good or bad?  I appreciate that XXXXX booked us this year and am mildly vindicated that it wasn't an unanimous decision to remove us.  The whole Seraphine Collective dragging White Shag (a band I didn't even know) into the mix with the whole sex offender thing to distract from what is really going on was quite contrived also, but that's here nor there.

So here we are, back at square one.  Yes I could have found you, or any member of the board in one hundred different ways as you said (and I did), but shouldn't there be just one way?  My point is that the board/committee/charity, all of them lack transparency.  The charity lists their board but very little of where the money actually goes.  Last scholarship was reported in 2014??  The HamFest committee members should be public knowledge and not require a constant reader to have to search.  The festival/venues should not be requesting 2, then 4, then 6 thousand dollars from the DDA who has members of bands/venues on it to "recoup costs" from previous festivals.  It just seems like a conflict of interest and, really, kinda slimy.

So to make a long story short (too late), I really have no interest in meeting with the committee, not because of flashbacks from the Pesci scene in Goodfellas, but because I am the last person you need to explain it to.  Take ownership, not just you, but the whole committee.  The general public now knows all of this.  Issue a statement (another one) to them, an apology maybe, and use this to correct all of these errors so a charity with good intentions isn't mired by incompetence.  Ben deserves better than that. 

Thanks for the e-mail XXXXXX.  I always did like you.  But after this weekend, I'm retired.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro, who never cared what people said about him, just like my spirit animal HST.
Metro back-  seeing that highlighted quote almost verbatim mere hours after sending the e-mail mildly set me off (although it doesn't take much).  I really hope my sincere message has not been shared among people at the kick off.  But really, In the end, I don't care; hence the full message posted here.  Much like Ben's Encore, I want people to achieve their full potential, and there are plenty of other quotes in the message above you can use to get likes on social media.

Here's a real quote for you: "As far as I'm concerned, it's a damned shame that a field as potentially dynamic and vital as journalism should be overrun with dullards, bums, and hacks, hag-ridden with myopia, apathy, and complacence, and generally stuck in a bog of stagnant mediocrity."-  Hunter S Thompson
Buy the t-shirt, get taken for a ride,
Bryan Metro

HamFest Weekend-Comments opened

Hey all, Metro here,

Well its Thursday and you know what that means.....
The start of the most corrupt.......I mean largest local music festival in the nation.  I have already posted my schedule here:

Bryan Metro's HamFest Schedule

However, I can't be everywhere, so for this weekend only, I have re-opened the unmoderated comments so you geeks don't have to worry about being made fun of or shamed.  You know where I will be, so let me know how the 300 bands I couldn't see did.

Did Queen Kwong really make t-shirts or was it lip service?

How much "participation award" polite applause did George Morris get for trying?  Oh wait, they're on my schedule!

Did the HamFest committee hold an emergency meeting during the actual festival?

Did the IRS revoke the 501c3 revoke?

How many urban achievers did Lee ask to?....okay, I'll stop there.

Has anybody found the missing/undocumented $20,000 between the Fest and the charity?

How many cheeks were turned during the weekend?

How many checks were bounced based on the history of the committee (more on that later)?

How many bands realized what is actually going on yet still played because of the free (literally and figuratively) exposure? 

How many bands actually received compensation for playing the Fest despite everyone volunteering for free (you know its happening)?

How many members of the committee for the Fest are playing?

How much did the committee ask the Hamtramck DDA (which XXXXXX of XXXXXX is a current/former board member)  (DDA=Downtown Development Authority) to recoup lost funds from previous Fests?  Is it $2000 or did it get changed to $4000, maybe even $6000.  We'll never know because its never reported.  Haha just kidding, I have the meeting minutes.

How many committee members are in the dark?

How many people will spin it that they are happy White Shag was kicked off, and how many will admit they were used as a patsy as a distraction from my financial investigations and blogging to get everybody on the same page.....?  What's the ratio??

What is the status of XXXXXXX's Chapter 7 bankruptcy?

Not a question but still fun.  Here's this Clip  from last year with a doozy of a quote "providing scholarships" as in the present tense.  Me and Savage Henry did our homework and searched everywhere but the only scholarships that have ever been provided/ or at least reported were to a few white kids in 2014.  The charity's website uses their picture to this day.

Why does Woodman allow himself to be a glorified mascot for a festival that is for the people and scams the people when he is one of the nicest most genuine people in the STATE?

What is the status of the Disney copyright infringement of using Carrie Fisher/Princess Leia's likeness for either profit or a charity that has admitted to "Clerical misunderstandings"?

What other blogs are actually providing decent coverage of the Fest, and I'm not counting the Jeff Milo hyperbole posts, or Hip in PLAV Brunch's unreadable entries.

There are so many unanswered questions (more on that in a week) about the Fest that I couldn't keep track.  Let's have fun Detroit/Hamtramck, and it goes without saying, everyone be safe.  Check the link above for my schedule and buy me a drink....

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Bryan Metro's Hamtramck Music Fest Schedule

Well, you wanted it, and now you have it.  It is Bryan Metro's schedule for where he will be at the Scamtramck Music Fest.  It's almost time.  Forget the IRS allegations and the unaccounted money and the phantom committees, and Disney pissed about Carrie Fisher being on all the promotional material (t-shirts and the music sampler), and Eugene Strobe, and how Bank Suey and Planet Ant Hall are blood connected with people connected to the committee/board (oh wait....we haven't gotten to that part yet)....sorry, getting ahead of myself here.  Here is what you are really waiting for!!!!!

Bryan Metro's HamFest Schedule

I admit, I have been a little shit this whole time, but I do intend on attending the Fest.  I only hope the 20% of my wristband benefits needy kids in Detroit instead of Frasier (based on the numbers released of where the money went.......oh wait, we haven't gotten to that part yet)!  But hope is what it is and I can only hope that my $10 benefits the committ.......I mean the kids out there and their musical aspirations.  Ok...Prevue:


Everybody knows I don't attend "pre-parties" where everybody can slap themselves on the back and get their band packages.  The last pre-party I attended was in 2010 and ran into JRC who asked "Are you with a different girl every time?"  Anyway this year's pre-party is a pass.  Hangrenades?????  Not gonna happen.  And Carjack booked to headline playing the same show since 2009 to free him up to take shitty photos using that stupid...fucking....camera filter he has been using since 2009.  Heads up....I won't be at this show......


Lac La Belle- 7:30 at Ham Library-  They impressed me on my Fest prevue.  What? You want more?
-  There is a significant gap here.....

Duende-  10pm at Planet Ant Hall.  Yeah yeah, I know, this is the venue they are trying to shove down everyone's throats; connected with Bank Suey, brother sister, blah blah, but I do like Duende, even though the drummer proved herself to be a blind nitwit in all the build-up.  Still, won't miss Duende.

Arc Pelt-  10:30 at Paychecks-  1st of three George Morris sets of the Fest. OH MY GAWD!!!!!

11:15-  The Dilemma.....-  Craig Brown Band at Painted Lady or Cosmic Light Shapes at Metro Pub-  Okay so how weren't we booked at Metro Pub to begin with.  This shit writes itself.  Okay, in all honesty the hype train behind the Craig Brown Band has already derailed and all the promo pump Third Man Records did amounted to nothing.  On the other hand, here we have Cosmic Light Shapes, a band fronted by one of the committee members who has put himself on every Festival when he's not deferring expenses.  Wow....Flip a coin, and I'll be there.....

The Idiot Kids- 11:45- New Dodge-......more on this later....

Odd Hours- 12:15- Metro Pub-  Whatever you do, DO NOT GET IN THE WAY OF THE CAMERA CREW TAKING PICTURES........AND PLEASE DO NOT GET IN THE WAY OF TUNDE.....muthafuckas be flattened.

George Morris & the Gypsy Choads- 12:45- New Dodge-  Wow, New Dodge really got a lot of big acts on Day 1...may have to look into that too (spoiler alert:they're clean).  However, George Morris always sucks, and since this is the last set of the night....good way to fall asleep..


Hamtramck Pubic Library- 3:30- Beginning songwriting.  4:30- Youth open mic (or "mike" is you're Asia), 5:30- Maples Elementary -  Okay I think it is my civic duty to work the door at these events to keep Lee Majors far far away from these kids.  Going after their dreams only to be a hanger on.......ekkkkkk nope.

Six and the Sevens- 10:15- Bakers Streetcar-  I would love to have a convo with members of this band and their opinions on the Fest.  Because their names are all over it (the actual documents which are in a very safe place....I'm actually sad about this)

Golden Torso- 11:30- Paychecks-  Just for fun.  Wusses.

Red Robe- 12- PLAV #6-  I kind of want to see what the band that replaced the band replaced my band has to offer.  Whatever happened to W.O.M.B.  You suckers really do suck.  At least people know now.

All you can eat at the PLAV Brunch.  $8 (while supplies last).  Your best bet would be to get there before Sadie.  Fuck off here's your preview.

Yeah buzzards,
Bryan Metro


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