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Thursday, August 7, 2014

Late Summer JCM Sunsets

Holy shit, it's been a while!
Metro checking in for what I'm guessing is the August JCM update.  Aside from meeting Ric Flair last week, the JCM has been hard at work with their personal shit and lives and not worrying about making music videos that nobody will watch or playing shows that people would attend but then forget about attending the next day.

This summer has been pretty lackluster in terms of news so don't blame us, there is only so much we can do.  The festivals have been the same same, DIY Fest is back on I guess, no lineup has been announced but go ahead and plug in George Morris, Destroy This Scene, and Tunde and you have all you need to know. Same same same same same zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I checked my FB events page and discovered that the JCM actually have a show this coming weekend.  It is this Saturday, August 9th, at the Token Lounge.  I will give you a minute to let that sink in.
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...The Token Lounge.
We played there for the only time for my birthday bash 5 years ago and all the other acts cancelled and I was out of my mind (we said it was "allergies") and was one of our worst shows and we were subsequently banned.  I guess the ban has been lifted because we are playing this Saturday, August 9th.

This should be an interesting show as we do not really have an idea who in the band will actually be showing up for it.  However, rest assured that myself and -jr will be there in case anybody wants a shot at the title.

We are playing with Maruga and the Cosmic Hoedown Band, Ebola Colony, and most importantly Victor Peraino's Kingdom Come.  Victor Peraino actually has a place in music history as he was the keyboardist for The Crazy World of Arthur Brown of the "Fire" fame.
The last time we played a show with such a luminary was for the Motorcity Special record release where the infamous Mad Hatter, the MC for the MC5 introduced us.  He later died shortly after the show which we may or may not take credit for.

So this Saturday, come to the Token Lounge, we go on first (thank god) at 9pm, to see a rare house show performance by the JCM and possibly Victor Peraino's last show.




From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro







Saturday, July 19, 2014

CALLY!!!!

I'm sitting at the computer in the office (no bike lock or roommates needed) stewing about stuff I saw online today.  I have been out of the loop for a few weeks and I just saw that Brett Callwood was removed from the Head Music Editor for the newly revamped Metro Times.  He is still listed as a contributor but he is well on his way to Colorado.  I'm not sure of the politics or the cost cutting, pay as you play, measures that were involved here, and I won't attempt to go into attack mode (yeah right) because Cally has been absolutely professional the past few weeks, and I will respect that.

So I would like to take this time to thank Brett Callwood for giving the JCM a chance and doing a City Slang feature on us in the print issue and online.

The online feature he wrote on us was the Metro Times' most read and commented piece of 2014, yet the local (Ferndale) community still wants to push George Morris et al as the second coming. but they will never get over.  When I am at the local bikini bar I truly read all of the local weeklies (1), and they continuously push these people that are boring and have nothing to offer other than another dull black and white video.  Now Real Detroit is gone, consumed by the Metro Times, and now they have cut loose one of the few people that has an opinion (yes, I realize they are oh so political and are revamping their format and Jack Lessenberry is still allowed to transmit articles from his Coma Chamber) But........

It is pathetic that none of the bands that he tirelessly  promoted via the website/print have not offered an ounce of "Thanks".....so fucking typical....too busy making the next video in your backyard???  Its pathetic that the "most hated band in Detroit" is the only band to acknowledge what this guy contributed to the local community, because he gave press to so many.  George Morris....Kimura Lock, fucktard.

Brett Callwood, Cally,......  Thank you for your time in Detroit.  Thank you for the books you wrote (AND PUBLISHED, no bike lock needed) about Detroit bands.  Thank you for giving support for local music, sometimes deserved and sometimes Morris.  Thank your wife for booking some great shows at the New Dodge.  We here in Detroit will miss you.  Before you go, drinks are on me at the Yacht Club.

Thanks.


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Pig & Whiskey

Rare summer JCM post..... short as AJ.

-What did everyone think of Drake hosting the Espy's?  I thought he was solid with the material his writing team got to him.


-Q.  Who did Hip in Detroit have to blow to get on the cover of this week's Metro Times?
 A.  No takers


-I was contemplating going to Sadie & Whiskey this weekend but then I went back and read every post we have ever made about the same bands playing the same events, maybe with different names or members, and its in Ferndale and everything is so boring.  Seriously.....has there ever been a more boring summer for the Detroit music scene than 2014?
In unrelated news, the JCM's next (and probably final show of the summer) will be at the legendary Token Lounge on August 9th (I think).  Since I fucked up royally and forgot that we had a practice last week this may be just me and -jr at this one.  Working on the theme for the show now but it mostly revolves around getting cut off by the 2nd song.


-Finally, I am back from my "Haunted America/Baseball" road trip and for those that liked my Blowout review/photo job this should be up your alley.  It was a blast, with some legitimate occurrences,  funded completely by my hard work with no bike locks requested or roommates needed.  I hope to have it up by the end of the month so keep your eyes peeled (which is exactly the same thing I said to my gf).


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

WWE Update


Dean Ambrose is easily the best thing going on right now in the WWE.  He is perfectly positioned to be the next Stone Cold or CM Punk even.  He is the only interesting gimmick that resonated from the fracturing of The Shield.  Roman Reigns has been given the big push to take over for Cena.  He has terrible mic skills and can hardly cut a promo.  Seth Rollins is a completely disinteresting heel and was the worst choice for The Authority.  It's really sad when the only match carrying a moticum of weight at Battleground is the budding feud between the unbeatable Rusev and Jack Swagger.  Rusev is reminiscent of the bad guy at the end of Kickboxer but Bulgarian.  The Wyatt Family has been squandered.  The biggest mistake was letting Luke Harper and Erik Rowan cut promos.  They were momre captivating when there was the mystique of what the fuck are thesse guys.  They hit a wall and stopped progressing with their weirdness.  Bray's feud with Jericho is a snoozefest.  Luke and Erik's feud with the Usos is even more of a snoozefest unless the Wyatt's win the belt.  If that happens, the stable will end up dissolving.  All in all, Battleground is going to be a waste of a PPV.  The only way it can be salvaged is if they add some modifier matches: Hardcore, Ladder, No Holds Barred, etc.  They never do that shit anymore.  I doubt they will ever bring back the Attitude Era maturation of the storylines but at least it was hopeful with CM Punk.  He ended up exiting his contract oveer the bullshit superhero Cena storylines.  If it's about the merch sales, I'm sure Stone Cold or even NWO sold way more shit than Cena ever did.  Save us Dean Ambrose.

-jr


Friday, July 4, 2014

Electric Six Kickstarter Scam

Ok, a quick update.

So Electric Six has a Kickstarter where "fans" can contribute to a new cover album.  I won't bother including the link but this is getting to record points of absurdity.  So a band that has a pretty decent following around the globe feels the need to fleece the people who continue to support them past at least 3 albums of relevancy so that, instead of making another quality album they are making a COVERS album and get this....you can PAY to which songs are on there!!!????  I understand the trust fund ran out after the videos stopped but good god I want to slap any poor person that contributes to this. 

Yes, I get the irony that I had a Kickstarter to raise money to cover Blowout 2014 but god knows I covered it honestly.  This is just a terrible example of people being taken advantage of based on past merits and they don't know any better.  If this is one big troll on everyone, then okay I'll find it funny, but if this a bunch of people at the end of their rope trying to make a cash grab....well Detroit, I guess you're used to it.


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

A Haunting in the Blogosphere

So Slurries, its been a pretty dull few months with Blowout, Electric Six fleecing people via Kickstarter to help make records after they've made 7-ish records already, etc.... and admittedly We, I, are at fault also. We are at the moment of Status Quo. I've dropped the ball on finishing the next (2nd in 6 years) album and wrapping up the debut book, -jr is getting married, Wang is having a kid, E First has a kid, Peter the Freshman has 2 kids (!!!)...what a whirlwind.  There have been no good summer festivals (even though its not summer yet) (what happened to May Days?).  Hip in Detroit has redeemed nearly all of their Groupons, the drummer from the Amino Acids ordered 450 OF THE EXACT SAME SHIRT!!  There needs to be a shake-up.

So, once again, Metro Detroit....we're here.

Recently, I have been dealing with a health issue; the word "cancer" has been tossed about.  Tests, treatments, Prada, whatever.  It did kind of wake me up though, much like being left off of Blowout because of CJohnst and Fatty Patty Morrow's personal bias.  So while I am waiting for results I have decided to do a haunted America (slash baseball stadium) tour.  In a week, I will be renting a car (no Kickstarter needed) and hitting the road (no roommates needed) to check out some of the most haunted sites east of here (North End Studios didn't make the cut), and do a diary/photo diary.  Yes it doesn't have to do with local music but....it could be interesting.

The health situation that I am dealing with has got me in a really reflective mood.  I really think everybody's fascination with ghosts and hauntings are only a projection of one's need to believe that there is something else out there, the great beyond.  Well, I think that it's rubbish. So, in the next 2 weeks I will visit these supposed haunted sites and stay in these supposed haunted hotels, and I will have the Detroit Music Award with me and basically I will head to some of the most haunted areas of the United States and say "Bullshit, you aren't nothin'" and then wait for a little bit and the "ghosts" won't do shit just like everyone that Hip In Detroit tried to get to kick our ass didn't do shit.  And then I go to the next site.  So yeah, first week of July, look for the Bryan Metro Haunted Diaries posts..
Kelley Road- Ohioville, PA-   Ohhhhh scurred
Sach's Covered Bridge- Gettysburg, PA...oh no Confederates lose again
City Tavern- Philly, PA... Thanks for the round spook
Union Cemetary- Conn.... Red Eyes....cuz I'm stoned
Yankee Pedlar Inn- Conn...  Sara Paxton on muh dick

Seriously though, I hope to post an entertaining haunted tour of America series.  I'm just worried that there will be more people in the cemeteries than were at Blowout.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Size 12 update

Congrats Sadie. Quota hit. Now you can post more self promotion fuck vids with the Hellmouth fems. 

Rare pic from last Hellmouth show:

Pig Bitch. I don't hate you, I despise you. 

-jr

Monday, June 2, 2014

Star Wars Episode VII Local Music Update

Congrats to Hip in Detroit for being cast in the upcoming Star Wars movie due to be released next year.  TMZ has released some leaked pics of behind the scenes magik.



And in this leaked pic not to be confused with the latest Tunde video, it appears that Jeff Milo, Tunde Olerondiane, and Kentucky Pete have also been cast in the blockbuster.  Detroit will rise!!



DAHP

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Loser Leaves Town

I guess I owe it to MYSELF and all the other bands that will be performing at the Old Miami this Saturday, May 31st to put up a final push for the show.

Sooooooooo, this Saturday, May 31st, at the Old Miami comes Bash at the Beach.  This will be the JCM's first show since their triumphant set at the Hamtramck Music Fest, and while we may not be able to replicate that effort (or the audience) we do plan on having a good old time.

Bah Gawd, we even looked to shores not our own and brought in bands from Ohio.  Ohio.
In fact one of the bands that signed on actually broke up before this show.  Thankfully we got another band from Ohio to fill in. 

So here is the lineup (which can be viewed in full here)-

Lo-Fi Eyed: Not to be confused with our own Carjack.  Lo-Fi Eyed is from Colombus Ohio and presumably will not be performing the same set from 2008.  If you would like to know more about Lo-Fi Eyed please visit Google.   After clearing out "Stoya" from my search feed I found out all I needed to know.

Full Dimensional: If you would like to know more about Full Dimensional please visit Google.  After clearing out "Jessa Rhodes riding on top-hips" I found out that they are a worthwhile addition to this event.

Fresh FX-  Another Ohio band, they hopped on after the other Ohio band changed their name and then broke up anyway.  Hopefully Fresh FX will not break up between now and the show, but if they do it will be okay because we can go on earlier and I can get to Googling "Jenna Lewis wedding sex tape".  If you would like to know more about Fresh FX please visit Google.  After clearing out "Ricki White:Huge ass" I discovered that they are a great substitution for this event.

Superbomb:  Finally a band I am familiar with.  We share a notable distinction with Superbomb in that we were one on three local bands (along with Caveman Woodman who is also playing a show on the 31st.  I think it's in Flint or something) not to be invited to play Blowout 2014.  However members of Superbomb did do lighting for Odd Hours which is like setting off the fireworks for Batista's entrance on a taped episode of Smackdown or, more locally, keeping track of Satori Circus' diapers.  However, I was in the trenches providing the most comprehensive Blowout coverage of the year.  Anyway, basically the entire planet agrees that either Superbomb or the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre must end which leads to....

Your headliners-  The JCM:  We don't play much anymore so when we do, it feels great to have the 6 people come out to see us.  I mean we could always make t shirts and go on road trips to sell t shirts and then complain when nobody wants to buy t shirts, but we just eliminate that whole middle man thing.  We just don't perform that much anymore......Which is why we have challenged Superbomb to a "Last Band Standing" match at the Old Miami this Saturday.  By the end of the night we promise one of these bands will be broken up; maybe both.  Sure, we could have publicized that a local band would be having its last show a little bit more but that would show we actually care what you think, constant readers.

Finally, Rock and Rummage will be set up at the show.  If you are not familiar (real talk time) Casey from R&R does a really great job offering vintage genre t shirts, tapes, and porn at a great price and holds the distinction of probably being banned from more venues than the JCM.  Plus he hosted our very first show in 2007 and it feels so sweet to come full circle, especially if we lose the Last Band Standing match and have to retire, but even if we do we can just pull a JSB and make up a new band to fuck your throats with.  That's what Superbomb will probably do anyway.

05/31-  Old Miami-  Like we care if you show....


Follow the Buzzards,
Metro

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Bug Update

It's a rough day in Lavendar Land.  In this pic, The Bug looks waaaay too much like my girl Sky Ferreira and it's really stressing me out.  Wang always talks shit and says Sky looks like an anorexic Robert Pattinson, but I thought Sky was a total babe before she got super famous and was opening for my other girl Miley on the Smilers Tour.  Metro went and saw Sky at the Magic Stick.  He ran into Jasper (Webvomit) and about 20 other mid life crises.  He said the crowd up front was compromised solely of homosexuals and transgenders.  Aside from all that, Sky is a pop princess and singing only to me.  So back to The Bug, stop trying to pull a Cincinnati Shuffle and wreck my tween fantasies.  Buzz Off!  That a Chow?

-jr

Jukebox