Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Retirement Tour/List Party/Final Show of 2015

Metro here updating via phone and don't care that I have zero control over the font. However, I wanted to let everybody know that the JCM retirement tour continues on 12/27 at the New Way and that starting Dec. 1st I will be bringing back the December list gimmick. There is a time when you realize there isn't much left. Let's have fun From the Iceman Commeth Bryan Metro

Friday, November 6, 2015


we gois like brisbois


Born Evil

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Fundale in Ferndale

Wang & I hopped the lightrail and wound up in Fabulous Ferndale last night. We decided to dine at One Eyed Betty's (Hipster Dweezil Nexus). I asked for a High Life and was instructed that they "don't sell that kind of beer here, only craft beers", so I had a Ghettoblaster and blasted off. I ordered a Cuban Pork Belly Sandwich. It was ok, a little over-greasified. For dessert, I had a Bulleit Bourbon neat. Then we hitchhiked over to Valentine's Vodka. For my first drink, I had a Ford '37 minus the cherry. It was mediocre and I suffered through it. For the next round, I switched it up to a Kentucky Mule, a personal favorite. At this point, Wang noticed Detroit local quasi celebrity Charlie Leduff tongue-deep in a hogbody. 20-30 minutes passed and the hogbody and her way hotter friend were exiting and walking past us screeching, "You're wife is luck that you're such a great kisser." We were captivated instantly. For our final nightcap we wandered next door. The name of the establishment escapes me but it was a deli style bar that served all beers that I had never heard of with a giant arcade in the basement. Leduff was behind the bar in everyone's way waiting for someone to notice him. He put his arms up and said, "Can I have everyones' attention? Does anybody have a radio?" Noone replied verbally or even with a nod or wink. He shuttered and then honed in on some guy's hot girlfriend....being a dick and unsubtle. After he helped himself to handing out free kirs of champagne he wandered out to the porch where Wang and I were. Some African American female fans came up to him and asked for a photograph. All of a sudden Leduff's eyes widened and he started foaming at the mouth with an acute case of jungle fever. At that point his dick popped out of his safety pinned pants and the women were fervently jacking it. As his eyes rolled back in his skull and his tongue draped out of his mouth, Revoir came to out the corner and started cupping his hands in the folds of his jeans by his asscrack praying the denim split. This gyration lasted for 5 minutes that seemed like 5 hours. As he came he garbled, "Henry Winkler Sign my boots, can you see?" Noone could see but everyone lied and said they could. Then Wang and I preened ourselves, hopped up on our hands, and clapped our feet all the way home.


Friday, October 9, 2015

It's Fall and everybody is as Insufferable as ever

Metro checking in,

It's been a pretty uneventful year so far aside from my pops passing away, and even worse, being left off the Hamtramck Music Fest.
So far, the highlight was the Ruiners doing the Geiko commercial-

Festivals have come and gone and they have had the same lineup for pretty much all of them (with some leeways for the regional ones such as Cosmic Irrelevant Shapes with the Hamtram Fest and Ryan "I'm a dad now, like that's never happened to anybody ever before" Allen at the Ferndale thing).  I have been out of the loop for the summer but when looking into local music news, it seemed like it was still the same.  Sites pushing Tunde, PASSalaqua, etc because if they would have happened, been a "thing" they would have by now.  Just so so boring.

Then there is this Facebook gimmick where people list 30 bands that they have played with.  Okay.  Why?  Who cares?  I love seeing people that the JCM have played with not acknowledging it.  The best one was Deastro who said he played a dj set at a different part of the Majestic complex when another national act was playing.  Virtual high five.  I'm pretty sure my next "Top10" list will be "Top Ten Bands we played with that pretend it never happened".

Finally, -jr tipped me off to this tirade from the non-attractive member of the Pretty Ghouls about some act they played with and something/something went down and blah blah, so instead of dealing with the act face to face they went on Facebook, where all their sycophants can offer praises.  Here's the post:
"Dear Isis Layton of Barb Wire Dolls,
Hi! It's TJ from the Pretty Ghouls. We opened for you last night in Detroit. We had fun. But, I've been informed you didn't have so good of a time due to some of yer possessions that came up missing which you feel I may have been responsible for. Misunderstandings happen, so I just wanted to come here to address a few of those missing items in hopes to clarify the situation, and maybe even help you regain them! So, lets take them one by one! C'mon, it'll be fun! MISSING ITEM #1: Your Fans Though there was a lot going on in Detroit last night I felt there was a decent group of people who came out for the show, despite being a Thursday. But, the crowd did noticeably dwindle by time you took the stage. This, I must admit, I am somewhat responsible for. And I'd like to apologize for it, Isis. See, once we got done playing a lot of yer fans came to us saying we blew you away (before you had even started) and they had to leave because there was no way you would be able to compare. Like…a lot of yer fans came to us saying this. I was kinda surprised by their praises considering I didn't even feel we played that great of a set. Regardless, I was happy to sell them our records on their way out. You were upstaged, many of yer fans noticed, and they left. It happens. And I take full responsibility for that. MISSING ITEM #2: The Leather Jacket About 2am last night after the show I started getting texts from my singer saying you were accusing me of having stolen and sold off one of the pre-spiked, pre-patched, pre-punked leather jackets with yer band name outrageously printed all over it. If you need a more accurate description of said jacket, it was one of the ones that looked like it was conceived and designed by a slimy PR guy who was inspired by typing the word "super punk" into google image search while listening to Rod Stewart's solo albums on his iTunes. Is this the same guy that writes yer music? Anyways, I understand you don't know me, but if you did you would know the idea of me doing this is far too funny to even be offended by. But, if it helps, I did actually watch this jacket being sold. It was sold to an older punk lady by a guy who I had assumed was yer merch man (I also assumed he was responsible for cutting the mid drifts off all yer shirts and holes in yer leggings after they are purchased from Hot Topic). Anyways, maybe with the power of social media you can find this lady and she can put you in a better direction of the dude that sold it to her and ran off with yer money. MISSING ITEM #3: Your Dignity When confronted by these missing items you made the mistake of accosting my singer, Asia Mock. Though, that in itself was a mistake, the bigger mistake you made was assuming she wasn't a fiercely strong willed and proud independent woman who isn't capable of being intimidated by you. Perhaps it was a bit shocking for you when she bit back? Yer Facebook (which seems to be managed by the same slimy PR Rod Stewart fan who designed yer merch) has a bio featuring a quote from Kurt Cobain saying "I like the comfort in knowing that women are the only future in rock 'n' roll." Surely he was talking about you, Isis Layton of Barb Wire Dolls! So it makes total sense you'd appropriate the quote for promotional purposes. Supporting women in music is very important to me, and I advocate it at every chance I get. It's sad to know that yer support of women in music is confined to yer own delusional desires with you on top as queen of the scene. I would recommend in the future, as to avoid humiliation, you approach fellow female musicians with the respect and dignity they deserve and you get yer facts straight before you start slinging accusations about situations which you clearly know nothing about. Listen, I understand you had a rough night. Maybe you were self conscious coming to Detroit, the birth place of punk, and all yer fears of being exposed as a watered down "punk" band who's success relies on exploiting the lack of musical taste of main stream music fans would come to surface. And maybe that did happen a little bit last night. And maybe that's why you felt the need to irrationally lash out at the band who exposed you. But here's something you can take solace in: real punk bands need fake punk bands like Barb Wire Dolls. I mean it, Isis! You guys are like that embarrassing band middle school kids listen to because they don't know any better, but in turn act as a gateway to far better music in later years of their life once they've actually developed taste. Have you thought of touring middle schools? You'd do great! Their parents would be so charmed by yer schtick. Bands like Barb Wire Dolls are also great for aging punks who seek relevancy with a younger, modern, though admittedly watered down, version of what they used to be into. 70's New York punk was SO GOOD! And it's totally okay that you desperately invoke those bands without any imagination or adding anything of unique quality to it. Because, hey, at least yer PR clothes designer guy tricked Spin Magazine, the highly esteemed vanguards of punk, into printing quotes putting yer name in the same sentence as the Ramones. I mean…who needs to write good songs when you got THAT going for you?! Am I right? Anyways, welcome to Detroit. Go fuck yourself. Sincerely, TJ Ghoul"

Okay.......I know we can be long winded here on Lavender, but couldn't this have been said a tad shorter? Do you think this national touring act will even read/respond to this?  Typical Detroit inferiority complex.  This coming from a guy whose band whose existence is because the guitarist is dating Danny Dust Rod.  

I immediately regret clicking on local music news.  I regret clicking on everything in my feed.  Its all garbage.
And for the last time.....Tunde will never happen.  Stop trying to make it/waste your time.

From th flah fluff phaaaa,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

size 12 update

hey sadie

ah ate da red chud

Born Evil
Strysee Strysee

Saturday, September 19, 2015

happy birthday sadie (belated)

roll her in flour and find all the stink spots

Born Evil
Cone of Silence

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Hamtown labor fest

Same as it ever was. 


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Rest in Power- Metro's Dad

Hey scrubs,

It's been a while since a JCM blog update and Metro is checking in.  So on July 29th, my pops passed away.  Yeah, it kind of sucks, and I'm probably gonna do a stream of consciousness thing.

If you like my posts then you can thank my dad.
If you don't like my posts you can thank my dad.

My dad encouraged me to be myself and not compromise to anybody.  He was an old school union guy who rolled his eyes at the establishment. He never babied me and always encouraged me to try my hardest in every aspect of my life (well maybe not the JCM writing part).

My dad took me to Wrestlemania 3 at the Pontiac Silverdome (and let me skip 4th grade the next day) and I took him to Wrestlemania 23 to come full circle.  He really enjoyed going to the Indy wrestling shows with me and Kentucky Pete.  The last picture of us has him so very happy after acquiring a Samoa Joe action figure at a vendor stand.

Without a doubt, he made me what I am today and I will forever be thankful for everything he did for me.

Which brings me to the lineup of the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest.......
I almost fell asleep reading the set lists....
I'm stunned.....Six & the Sevens, Cosmic Light Shapes!!!!!!! Breaking the box office!  How did they get on this bill??? I'm baffled.
And then the headliner....Tunde Oileftitunderthebed.  Yesssss...This is Hamtramck.  Knocking it out of the park. Same same same same same hanger on's same zzzzzzzz

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, July 25, 2015

-jr goes and sees the eagles at the joe

I parked in Greektown to step out into a sea of cripples, vagrants, and malnourished children. All were begging or selling candy. I never carry cash (black card) so I made my way into the Old Shillelagh for a beer and a shot. After I juiced up, I perused the menu. The waitress pointed to a burger stating that, "It's the best burger in Wayne County." It was called a Scottish Burger (in an Irish pub no less) and it signified that it included bacon with an earmarked picture of porkpie Sadie next to it. It was not the best burger in Wayne County. After another beer, I hopped on the shuttle bus and listened to half of Dark Side of the Moon whilst caught up in Detroit traffic. When I entered the arena, I immediately sprayed piss all over the stalls in the bathroom. The show didn't start until 8:00 so I had plenty of time to price out WWE Live Summerslam Heatwave tickets, $255 for the main floor. I was not drunk enough to buy them. The Eagles put on a solid show and played all the hits. They even played some Joe Walsh solo stuff and James Gang stuff. It took 45 minutes to get out of shit city due to the stupid fucking light rail construction. When I got home and stripped for bed, I didn't see the cat laying in my bed. I laid down and the noise that proceeded woke up the whole neighborhood. You just can't win.

Born Evil

Sunday, July 19, 2015


Behold the case of kings. Time to play the game. 

Born evil


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