Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Monday, October 16, 2017

Retirement Tour Announcement

Hey all Metro here,

I am very pleased to announce that the JCM in some form or another or something completely different are coming out of retirement to say a final proper "goodbye" since the Hamtramck Music Festival got chilly willies.
So, I am here to say that we will be having a fantastic retirement tour consisting of two shows.  I am in the process of finalizing one of them that most likely will fall through, be protested/complained about, or some other minor snafu, but if anybody in a band is looking for a band to play in the prime 11:30pm slot or if any venue is willing to actually turn a profit with liquor sales feel free to contact me at bryanmetro1@hotmail.com.  C'mon, Woodman played around 4 shows this past weekend so it can't be that tough kids!

We are living in a day and age where everybody is divided, and the idea of conversation is becoming more and more ancient.  An age where everybody is right and wrong all at the same time. An age where every race and gender is under fire for reasons nobody really knows, or can elaborate. We are living in an age where Matthew Dallas is sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, chanting "Me too, me too, me too."  An age where Gabe's Bad Dye Job is hoping and praying that Metro doesn't bring up that one time he sexually harassed a female friend of mine, online, in a public timeline.  An age when bands are removed from shows because of reasons ranging from false accusations to simply "I don't like them".  As my pally once said, "Strange days indeed.  Most peculiar mama."

That is why the time is perfect for this retirement tour.  We didn't really get a chance to properly say goodbye so why not now.  If you think about it, it really could be the galvanizing force that bring the local community together.  Everybody hates us (actually me at this point since I am the lone active member).  That's something we all can agree on.  Put these trivial issues like race, gender, what's happening at Kelly's bar on a Tuesday, kneeling at sporting events, and nuclear codes aside and everybody come together and forget about all that is wrong with the world and concentrate on everything that is right with the local music scene......Me!

So yeh, retirement tour, two shows.  As soon as they are finalized I will post the details, and if you were able to tell that 90% of this was satire and are in a band or a venue contact me at bryanmetro1@hotmail.com

Here is a spoiler alert:    Friendly World

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Out of Retirement- Huge News!

Metro here, and it's no secret that a JCM show in these times, in the year of the lord 2017, would easily be the most anticipated show of the year, along with being the most un-bookable show of the year.  After the Hamtramck Music Festival debacle (and removal) we officially retired.  However, I had "the itch" and wanted to test the waters so I hopped on to the Mittenfest XII application form to maybe play as a solo artist.  After going over the form, I had to contact the old band members, because I have been filling out festival applications for ten years and I have never seen anything like what I saw with Mittenfest's....
Of course there were the basics; band name, contact info, etc.  Then I came across this......

How many people in your band identify as female? 

How many people in your band identify as LGBTQ?  


How many people of color are in your band?

They did have the caveat that if you are uncomfortable answering you did not have to.  In ten years I have never had to answer these questions on an application.  And if those questions were so important why didn't I see them on the 2010 app, or the 2013 app, or last year's? Does this mean it only became important this year, and was a-ok before? Does this mean that bands/ARTISTS who are not female, LGBTQ, or of color have less of a chance making the Fest?  I realize this question will never be answered.  In regards to those shoehorned questions let me quote my dear friend Morrissey, "What difference does it make?"

If this fest wanted to make it about that, then come out and say it and fully embrace the dark side of irony.  I nearly scrapped my application until I realized the irony of it all, the need to placate everyone, and the fact that JCM has a white dude, female, Asian, Jew, Indian all in it, so we should be at the top of the list based on the application.  Add to that the word of mouth that we produce, its a no-brainer.  Or, just say "fuck it" and book Audra Kubat and Tunde and play to zero crowds....


Have I ever lied to you?
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

End Rape- Serious Post

Hey there Constant Readers, my name is Bryan Metro and I am an a........sshole.
Ok so yeah, I'm a jerk and everything usually pisses me off, but I have enough of a conscience to call a spade a spade...
This past month there have been abductions in the Hamtramck area of women cyclists who were snapped up by two men, a bag over their head, and then sexually assaulted.  Absolutely disgusting.  So I am using this platform of thousands of weekly readers to post this Go Fund Me to support purchasing pepper spray to be distributed to women in bars.  Its sad that this is what its come to, but if I can use this platform to share the link for a good cause, then I'll check my assholery aside and do it.  Here is the link.  Donate:

Now with that done with (don't worry I'll post the link again after my incoming rant), let me say a couple things.  I'm not a fan of Go Fund Me's at the drop of a hat, and I'm not a fan of the dude who set it up (in a shitty band with Asia Mock and never seems to wear clothes that actually fit).  However, this is a pretty cool thing to do, and to do it quickly, as alluded to in the link, is important because these scumbags who have been abducting women are still out there *update, they were arrested today*, but still.  This is the rare Go Fund Me that actually matters.  Not like Electric Six's constant one's that they say they use to make records but actually use to fund glorified vacations.  This is not like Nick Bameram who wanted so desperately to get out of Ferndale. This is not Gabe Bad Dye Jobson posting "Stop Rape Culture" pics with the controlling (and slightly unstable) Laura Rock (talk about a cuck) not knowing what they are even protesting about.  This is actual rape. This actually is relevant.

The articles included on the link are also worth a read.  I won't rehash all the details here, but I did notice a few glaring differences.  The Freep article is rubbish because it didn't give me any information that I actually wanted.  I don't need any names or anything.  I just want a thorough report.  I didn't get it.  Wasted my time Freep (with a side order of cowardice, not to be mistaken for political correctness by the way; actually the opposite).

And will wonders never cease, but the Metro Times actually gave me more information on the cases than the Free Press.  AND, the article was written by Violet Whatsherface, so credit due where credit is due.  I guess MT felt the need to make up for ignoring the rapes during Blowout years ago they didn't acknowledge until the festival was over, and then, only barely. Where was the Go Fund Me then......just a thought. Anyways, better late than never, I guessssssss, but still, what is going on right now is awful and if a can of pepper spray could take out one of these creeps, then lets do it.
I wish the Hamtramck police department was better equipped to deal with this, but in this day and age, and given the disparity between the Free Press and Metro Times articles' details, I'm guessing if a cop happened to be there and even laid a finger on the attackers, then the attackers then become the victims.  But that's me swerving into asshole territory again.  So I'll leave it at that.  And support the Go Fund Me.  Here's the link again:

This is me at my most kindest,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

An Exercise in Debate in 2017

Hey all, Metro here, or "Robby" if you prefer that, and I have a wonderful example of trying to debate somebody on social media using logic and reasonable opinions.  This isn't exactly a written podcast but I'll go ahead and transcribe it for you.  And I will also take this time to remind you that there is zero censorship on my Lavender Blog.  You know how easy it would be to just DELETE and block anybody who disagrees?  Fucking nirvana, but NO, anybody can say whatever they want....just like me.  Watch!

So anyway, I belong(ed) to a few Facebook groups where I tried to have logical discussions about things and today I was removed for having opinions that the admin didn't agree with.  Sure it happens all the time, but this goes back to an essay I wrote that nobody ever wants to actually have a dialogue anymore, and this leads to further disconnect.  Here is a copy of my post:

My unoffensive take was:  Here is my mini-essay about this silliness. Caveat: This show has not been good in years: This is dangerous to anybody who sees themselves as an artist, either film, music, literature, and art itself or any other mediums. Anytime you censor yourself to placate anybody is a betrayal to your vision. And to shill your 'on demand' services to drum up hits for a show tanking in the ratings to "see what really was to air" is even more Hollywood icky (and admittedly smart). So basically, if some nutso didn't shoot up Vegas THEN the episode would have been a-ok? Keep in mind that Season 2 featured numerous deviant acts against women, but it was ok then because it didn't air in 2017? The Horror Story series has had gun related violence in the past. So, to the producers, was it ok then when there wasn't a mass shooting yet? Does that mean that anybody who was killed in a singular shooting is not as important as somebody killed in a mass shooting. I'm not a gun nut, and I'm not an anti-gun nut, but these are questions that none of these Hollywood-types consider. I get it that they are going for the sympathy card here in light of a real life terrible event, but why make it in the first place? For a series that owes its existence to shock value this is laughable What happened in Vegas was a terrible tragic event that I in no way mean to trivialize on some silly tv show page, but it does raise bigger questions regarding art, self-censorship, and the hypocrisy of Hollywood. Then again, based on the ratings, hardly anybody watches the show anymore anyways. Just my take. I'll get back to getting the works of Mark Twain removed from libraries. Ryan Murphy would soooo approve.


I'm sorry, but that wasn't too bad there.  Decent opinions, and minus the normal abrasiveness.  Minutes later I was blocked from the group (all other comments were agreeable).  That hurt so I asked why a debate/dialogue was squashed.  Her reply:
"I removed you because it's my group and you're just some asshole who use to date my friend then took her cat. I don't give a rat's ass about your well thought out opinions on literally anything."

Cracking up because this is what I have said all along.  Nothing what I said was antagonizing (yes, I know the difference), yet as soon as ANYBODY is confronted by a differing opinion they run and hide and blabber the status quo to the sycophants who comments "Yes you're right" or "Oh I agree" and anything like that.  I honestly wanted to have a debate about media censorship and an artist's vision.  I may fall asleep at a George Morris track but I am man enough to say he is an artist and has something to contribute.  This fear blocking is sad.  But since "this is my site" and this is just some coward who can't have a dialogue, and whats worse, pissed me off (within the confines of social media dialogue) allow me to post the FB page of this social media fascist:

Christy King 

Totally cool with discourse unless it is against her opinions.  Well, this is MY page, and MY stage, but don't worry, I will never block anyone here.

This most likely will come off as rambling (but are you surprised) but sift through it and you will find some good points that no matter how much you hate me are right. Really quick, our friend Christy echoed some of the same rhetoric that icky Trump says, ie: if you don't agree with me, you don't exist.  It's really sad.  Can't we all agree that we should just stick to ripping on the local music scene.  Anyways, I have video footage of this admin, social hero puking all over my lawn that I had to clean up the next day.  "Hey dude, if you want a toe, I could get you a toe.  I'll get you a toe by 3."  Hey Metro, its your site.  You want a post of this hero puking all over a yard, I can have that by 3 am......


Update.  Social Media hero messaged me-  Here is her statement, "Are you so bored that you felt the need to write a blog post about me? (sorta)  Dude, your comment was fine- I blocked you because I think you're kind of a psycho (fair enough) and I don't need you in the same space as one of my best friends (that's a stretch but ok) who as you recall you were shitty to.  I'm not sure what its like in your universe these days, but in mine that's a hard GTFO.  It doesn't make me a fascist (wrong).  I give zero shits about what you think on a tv show (but my comment was fine I guess).  I simply don't like you and since I don't have to be forced to share space with people I don't like, I removed you. But instead of copy and pasting the same bullshit all over the internet, maybe try finding a constructive use of your time."


You mean like posting about charity funds for potential rape victims?  Or raising money for animal food on my birthday just because? Or, how about maintaining a house for your very good friend for half a year, taking care of all the animals and providing a roof for your "very good friend's" daughter (and her kid)?  I actually asked this nutso this and here was the reply: "I'm also not interested in your narrative." This response came after the very good friend saved up money not having to worry about house bills, animal expenses, daughter expenses because I was doing all that.  What did she use that money for?  She went on a swinger's cruise.  Grossssssssssssss.

And here we go, full circle.  Somebunny don't agree den it doesn't matter in their world.
And that's a world I'm glad not to be in. And Cheeto has his middle claw up right now bitch as he plays with his brothers and sisters and has his belly full of kibble (he doesn't like dogs).

Should have just had the dialogue...
From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Monday, October 9, 2017

Metro's Review of Fallout Fest


No, that's not a rare pic of Marcie (well it could be, I dunno), but a visual representation of write-ups I have seen on my timeline regarding this past weekend's Fallout Fest. So, in other words, another JSB Squad Productions promoted (haha) event that bombed that featured the same bands that they always book. I actually had to look up if this event even was scheduled for this past weekend!!! Yikes.
So my review is this:  None of these acts are getting over, and I have said that for years.  George Morris....isn't going to be a thing. Jeff Milo can only shill for the Handgrenades so many times before people catch on. Bars of Gold have to be 50 years old by now.
Of course this is just me roasting 2017's Detroit "Elite", but just think about it, the silence regarding this "Fest" along with most of the other ones this year is glaring. And this is what happens when you try to please everybody, you end up pleasing nobody, the exact number of people raving about the Fest/cash grab/circle jerk.
That's my review.  Now get off my lawn crickets...
I will include a few pics of all the fun.  The first one I will lay off commenting on...


The next one is a live action shot of all the other bands (along with a few "passes") and Billy Bob Thornton on the far right watching another band...

Here is a shot (using that stupid Carjack swirly toilet bowl camera effect) of people being turned away because the capacity of 20 had been met.

Here is a rare shot of Hamtramck Steve appearing to projectile vomit into a closed fist...

*Photo credits to Photo Punk 2017, whoever the fuck that is.
Happy Monday!
From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, October 5, 2017

A Moment of Levity in These Bad Times

Hey all Metro here.  First, I would like to thank everyone (mostly strangers duhhhhh) who contributed to the Humane Society for my birthday.  We raised a decent amount of money for a great cause and it was done as a "pop-up" that mostly strangers I had never met contributed to.  This is a working class dive bar near the steel mill so nobody had to contribute shit but they did!  Very cool, especially knowing that nobody involved had anything to gain from it.  It was a quiet "DIY" (that's the hot button term around here used by people who have no clue; more on that later) thing set up to help animals.  And the best part, here's the proof the money people donated went to the cause.  One day after.  Keep in mind it took Ben's Encore/Hamtramck Music Fest three years.....
Poetic justice that a person who helped with the donations volunteered at HamFest and had a terrible time and was treated like crap.  Are you not surprised given the people involved?? Anyway, a splendid time was guaranteed for all. And of course Henry the Horse danced the waltz.

Now back to the present day.  What an otherwise shitty week.  Of course there is the Vegas shooting (a future list topic of things the media has not touched on) along with Tom Petty joining Roy and George.  Kinda a bummer of a week.  So I think everybody needs a bit of a pick me up, some levity.  So I am including this Link courtesy of the Freep conducted by the king of the thesaurus, the prince of hyperbole Jeff Milo interviewing professional musician, promoter, booker, airhead Jesse Shepherd Bates.  I figured everybody could use a good laugh these days.  Its a relatively "safe" interview, but would you expect anything less from the parties involved.  I am disappointed that Milo didn't ask why, after 10 years, that JSB has not broken through either as a musician who books himself at all his Fests, or as a booker who books himself at all his fests.  Oh wait I found the common denominator.  Never mind. Anyway, I guess the interview is about something called "Fallout Fest" which I think is about a video game and features the same bands that have played every other fest this year that had diminishing returns.  Anyway its worth a laugh in these dark times. Here's the link again:  An Exercise in Taking the Piss Out of the Scene
Everybody be safe out there, it's a trainwreck, and I'm not even talking about Fallout Fest.

From the Iceman Commeth
Bryan Metro

Monday, October 2, 2017

Its Metro's Birthday! Invite to all!

Hey all, Metro here.  Well it is officially October 3rd.  My birthday.  My last birthday of my 30's.  It is a bittersweet moment, but I gotta keep moving forward.  Which is why tonight, Tuesday Oct. 3rd I will be having a birthday bash.  No it won't feature any shitty local bands that have played 6 times already this month (Oct. 3rd.), or any shameless self-promoting bartenders in Hamtramck practically begging you to visit them.

No way Jose!  This is just a get together to celebrate me and everything that I have done for the local community this past year.  From exposing the corruption of the Hamtramck Music Festival Committee to the 3 years expired non-profit status of the Ben's Encore charity to providing terrible reviews of local events.  It was a good way to wrap up my 30's.

So sometime around 10pm Tuesday, I will be making a rare unpaid personal appearance at Ed's Oyster Bar in Lincoln Park.  It is a hole in a wall bar with a max jukebox, a jukebox that I will be taking over after 10pm for the rest of the night (requests will be taken).  There will be drink specials in my name along with free pool for all, even though I don't play.  And here's the best part!  It's for a good cause!  There will be a donation jar set up with all proceeds going to the Detroit Humane Society in the name of the Lorna and Roger Fund.  Lorna was a cat I helped rescue outside of Ed's last year who ended up being pregnant.  I ran like Mel Gibson in a Lethal Weapon movie home to get a carrier to rescue her.  Turned out to be pregnant and gave birth to 5 amazing kittens I helped foster, Riggs, Roger, Leo, Butters, and Mr. Joshua.  You get it.  Rog passed last month which really pissed me off so all monies will go to the animal shelter.  This isn't a Eugene Strobe scam. So yeah, Tuesday Oct 3rd, at Ed's Oyster Bar  1327 Dix (bet. Outer Dr. and Southfield).  Metro running the juke box all night.  Drink specials. A good cause.  And hey, if you hate me, you know where I'll be in case you want a shot at the title....


From the Iceman Commeth
Bryan Metro

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Kneeling....at the Altar of Metro

Hey all, Metro here.  Earlier this week I said I wanted to look into moving away from roasting local music stuff and get more into other areas like pop culture, sports, politics even.  So, I want to do a stream of consciousness riff on sportz/politics today.  I'll try to include a few jabs at local music for my Constant Readers.
Before I start though, I need to get something local off my chest on a quick tangent: A few years ago Electric Six played the DIY Fest for free (for the crowd; I'm sure the performance fee was met and on time; "how dare you" indeed).  This year during DIY Fest, a Fest based on the fact that the music lineup needed all the help it could get, Electric Six decided to have their own show at St. Andrews.  And this is the best part.....They needed to turn to Groupon to sell tickets.  This is where we are at folks.  I know the decline of Electric Six started when they added Zach Shits (much better producer than songwriter/guitarist) and the Johnny Headband dude, but Groupon?? C'mon guys, have some dignity.  Of course they have blocked me because I don't subscribe to the pandering, but that is a great segue into......

Kneeling in the NFL!!
(If sports/politics aren't your thing, I'll see ya's Monday!)
So this is all anyone's talking about it seems.  ESPN has headlines devoted to specific "Who's" kneeling per game.  Like a tracking system.  Earlier this week, Trump escalated things by saying owners should fire "those son of a bitches" who kneel (officially transitioning him into Vince McMahon mode Level 11).

Okay, my take: Lesson 1- Protest how you want, but be peaceful and respectful about it.  Create a dialogue/discussion based on your actions that may get people who are originally against you to look at things from a different perspective.  AND STOP BLOCKING PEOPLE!  For example, I have tried to have discussions with a friend in L.A. who actually turned to things like "Only minorities should hold public office for the next 300 years."  Really said that. Lesson 2:  Don't come off as crazy.  Diminishes your opinion.  That goes for you too Pres.  She is actually a teacher which is even scarier.  The thing is, whenever somebody has a reasonable, well-thought out counterpoint, they get blocked.  It happens on both sides.  I have had dialogue with left and right only to find the next day that I'm blocked.  And, oh Jesus, don't even try communicating with their friends list.  The biggest fear of people in 2017 isn't nuclear war on the Groupon dancefloor, it's Logic.  People freak when presented with an argument they can't process.  I'm told weekly that my writing is all over the place and generally bad and my opinions are rubbish both here and on social media.  Yet, I've never blocked anybody.  Anybody can say, "Hey, your blog sucks and you are the worst," and I will try to explain myself in my best Lebowski voice, "Well, well yeah mannnn."  My point is, that people today are afraid for all the wrong reasons.  The collapse of communication will be our downfall, not North Korea.

Anyways, back to football and kneeling.  It's peaceful and creates dialogue, so by my definition, I can deal with it.  I, nor anybody else, don't have to agree with something but can still respect the message.  Its okay!  Don't be afraid.  Try it!
This brings me to "the message".  What is the message?  When Kaepernick started to kneel he did it to raise awareness of police brutality towards minorities (good message) and to raise awareness to the "Black Lives Matter" movement (great cause), and to position himself for a gonzo contract (eeek, fire your agent; more on this later).  This week, after Trump's ill-advised comments, several teams issued statements regarding how he was wrong and championing free speech.  Fuck yeah, I'm on board with that!  But wait, does this mean that future kneelings are for free speech and Trump to be ousted?  I'm cool with that, but does that mean that its no longer against abuse towards minorities?  Is it a tier system?  Do we get to add something new every week?  By week 9, will we be kneeling because Cam Newton got shafted on his oil change?  Am I allowed to kneel because I have been nominated for 16 Detroit Music Awards and only won one?  I don't mean to trivialize it, but the biggest thing about protests is the message, and today's games had the most players in history kneeling.  I fear the more this moves forward, the more the Act is at the forefront and not the Message, and that is the wrong way to go.  Will kneeling be this year's "Ice Bucket Challenge"?

Oh, and to the rich, white owners who issued statements this week expressing solidarity with Kaepernick's movement (because at this point that's what it is.  Gotta own it), why haven't any of you signed him yet, even as a backup??  PR babay, PR.

And to Kaepernick, nobody touches on how he had a guaranteed Player's Option to play this year that he declined.  That's the equivalent of the band Dear Darkness agreeing to not play for Labor Day Fest with the promise of headlining Blowout and not realizing Blowout has been cancelled for years. Dumb. Colin would have even more influence if he was on a team and keeping up the good fight.  However, Dear Darkness would be best off not playing anymore.

As you can guess, I am a big fan of freedom of speech.  I love living in a country where public figures can take a divisive, potentially career threatening, move such as kneeling during the anthem and create public dialogue which hopefully will improve our country.  I love living in a country where I can run a public blog with no censorship or blocking where everybody who has a voice can comment without having to be approved, where I can post (public domain) pics of Queen Kwong's tats one week, and expose the (trying to get) rich white male corruption in Hamtramck the next week. I love having the platform to tell Asia Mock that she really needs to look into prescription medicine and AJ Ghoul to get clothes that actually fit him, while having constructive dialogue with people in the private sector on how to improve the local music scene.

Basically, entertainment has become politics and politics have become entertainment, and I'll see you in hell!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Friday, September 22, 2017

Local Dude Reappears-Update

Hey all, Metro here with a serious post for once.  Well every time I type something its serious, but you get the point.  If you are involved in local music then you probably know the name of Stirling, he of the questionable fashion choices.  Well it turns out he has gone missing.  Some of his friends wrote up a post that details all the details, and they could do it better than me so here it is: (with some slight editing by me)

"Close friends of Stirling's have decided it's for the best to post this and get the word out. The gentleman this regards is one of my best friends, Stirling Silver AKA Alden Walker Gallup III. The last time I spoke to him was Monday and the last time he was seen was by Mike E. Clark in Mio, Michigan that same day. He was last seen driving a pastel green 2006 Toyota Prius and was headed to Honor, Michigan for a day and was supposed to be back Wednesday for a concert and hasn't been heard from since. His phone has been going straight to voice mail. Mike and I are sooooo worried and so are many other friends of his. If you know anything about Stirling or have seen him, please message Mike E. Clark!"

Metro back.  I guess the last update was he indeed arrived at his Yeti (I had to google it too) on Monday and was supposed to be back on Wednesday and all calls go right to voicemail. So if anybody has any info or contact message that Mike dude.  I've had minimal interactions with Stirling, most at the beginning of JCM's tenure but he always seemed like a cool dude, a character if you will, so lets all hope for the best on this one.


*Update-  Stirling has been found alive and well.  Turns out his phone got shut off.  So basically, he owes everybody who worried about him for the past few days a 6 pack.  The moral of the story is if you are out and about by yourself and you have a network of people who support you/worry about you and you miss appearances because your phone is off. BORROW SOMEBODY ELSE'S PHONE.

Ugh, on to the weekend....State/ND, Michigan/Purdue, Bama/Vandy, Lions/Falcons, No Mercy ppv.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

A look into the mind of a 15 year local music legend...

Well it took 7 hours.  7 fucking hours before I saw a post on Facebook that brought me out of retirement and pissed me off.
Here is a quote from 15 year veteran, local legend (ask him yourself) Jesse Shepherd Bates:

"I have a fond memory from 2008 in which Augie told me that my band was playing locally too much, and I told him he was wrong. He was right. The number one piece of advice I can give local bands as a 15 year veteran of performing, including years of being a venue manager, and a promoter of countless shows, is STOP OVERLOADING YOUR LOCAL SHOWS"


Ok....this has to be satire right?  This coming from the guy who after 2008 continued to overexpose himself and his 5 bands for years?  Jesus fucking Christ I have been saying this for 10 years and it takes this airhead to September 2017 to make this "profound" inspirational statement.  There was more to his post but it kinda bored me, kinda like his music, and the last thing I want my Constant Readers to be is bored.  So I decided to have fun with it and post the original edit of JSB's post.  Here it is:

"Hey its JSB here.  Yep.  JSB.  JSB here.  I have a fond memory from 2008 in which Augie told me, JSB, that my band, JSB's, was playing locally too much.  This was shortly before his band did a 3 record release party gimmick in 1 day that only Metro and me, JSB, remembers.  I (JSB) told him he was wrong.  He was right.  The number one piece of advice I, JSB, can give local bands as a 15 year veteran, JSB, of performing, JSB, including years of being a venue manager, JSB, and a promoter of countless shows, JSB, is STOP OVERLOADING YOUR LOCAL SHOWS! I, JSB, would also like to add that if you are a promoter of countless shows, maybe consider not having your friends' shitty bands on every one of your bookings.  God knows how many times I've been burned by George Morris, or as I like to call him "Charisma Vacuum". I also encourage everybody to have as many bands, and more importantly, band names as possible to maximize how many shows you play while maintaining your OVERLOADING integrity. As a promoter of countless shows I know what I am talking about which is why I freaked after the flops of recent shows and have finally decided to come out in September of 2017, almost 10 years from that fateful conversation that I let Augie from the Hard Lessons have with me, JSB.  What I am basically trying to say is, I have no fucking clue what I'm doing."


Alright, some of that was fabricated, but not really, but REALLY?.....REALLY?
I almost want to offer my own 11 year advice post to local bands...oh ok, I will...

Hey, Metro here.  I have a fond memory from almost getting a blowjob in the broom closest of the New Way in 2010.  But that doesn't matter.  What matters is the business model I came up with to get to that point in 2010. Of course that includes not OVERLOADING YOUR LOCAL SHOWS which I have been saying since 2008 and not just this week.
Next, think about your favorite movies.  I'm not talking art-house flicks.  I'm talking popcorn and pizza flicks.  They all have a memorable villain.  Let that sink in.  Heroes are more often bland.  Its the villains that are the key.  Take the plunge and embrace that.  I have played "countless" Blowouts and the first Hamtram Music Fest primarily because of the word of mouth it would create.  It sure wasn't because of my musical talent.  Think for a minute.  How many bands who practice every week were left off of a major show to include the JCM, who never practiced?  The same JCM who planned every single show based on Wrestlemania season in Detroit (Mar-Apr) and could care less about an October show. The same JCM who fell off the map only to come back around 2015 and packed every show we played (to make up for all the clunkers before).  Ok, its obvious I am trying to shoehorn as many JCM references as JSB references in my parody, but not even I can do that. Ok, so I'm rambling.  Basically what I am trying to say is don't book George Morris on any show unless they go on last.  That way you can avoid the crowd hemorrhage. How many shows at Kelly's you have to play until you decide "Ok, should have went with graphic design"?

Yeah, I'm on the podium here, and to all the "local bands" out there reading, I'm much more trustworthy than the pandering crap that I posted above.  Best of luck, and remember, in order to make it......You don't know me.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Jukebox