Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Spring Fever in Ferndale

Hey all Metro here.  Its not even winter and I already have a case of the Spring Fever.  No, I didn't spend a night with Mar The Bug.  I saw this come across my desk.

The first ever (I didn't bother to look if it happened last year) Ferndale Spring Fever.  Four venues, 40+ bands, three nights.  Novel idea eh?  Yes I know...there are too many "fests" around town and yes, they all have the same bands.  But this one is new, so I will put aside my cynicism....for now.
This one is interesting because it is a combination of national acts and local acts.  So at least they are being upfront, unlike Blowout and Hamtramck Music Festival/Fest in the past where they snuck on non-Michigan acts like Beaches or Tiny Tits Queen Kwong onto the "largest local music festival" in the country.  Some of the featured acts include Black Lips, She Wants Revenge, Murder By Death, and Tokyo Police Club.  Yeah, some are past their expiration date, but still a novel concept.  Ah, fuck it, here is the link with all the information:  Ferndale Spring Fever

Very interesting concept having the bigger, national names spread out at each venue with the local nobod….I mean local acts opening up for...…..WHAT THE FUCK $60!  And that's the early bird special?  Okay, its too early to start asking where all the money is going, and besides, I said I'd check my cynicism at the door.  Most likely to the national artifacts/I mean acts with some drink tickets and the allure of exposure (insert Lee joke here) to the local acts.  Fair enough, I guess.

The thing that really caught my attention was that they are using a new site OPNR where musicians can sign up and apply to open/support national acts.  And its free!  Here is their link:  OPNR

It's actually a pretty cool idea.  It gives all bands a chance at a gig, an equal footing.  This way we don't have the same acts playing who play every single week, hell every single fest.  Okay, count me in as a fan.  Hell, I even signed up the JCM.

After signing up, I was offered the option to search for events to apply for. *Note! The headliner's management has veto power*  Sure enough, I was able to locate all three days of the Ferndale Spring Fever event.

Very easy website to use, I must say.  I figured why not apply and see if...OHHH GODDDD NOOOOOOOO!

So basically, the same people who already set up shows already have got their hands into this concept.  So basically, it is going to be the same as it ever was.  The same bands that have been given opportunity after opportunity, gifted every opportunity after opportunity will be getting yet another opportunity.  Even after all those opportunities they fail to move the local music needle. Detroit Predictables Harder.  It especially sucks because I get messages every month from local acts, good bands, great musicians/songwriters saying they are constantly passed over because they aren't with the cool kids or friends with the venue booker, and this site is actually a good idea that can help somebody new get their foot in the door, especially opening for a national act.  So basically, the act itself wouldn't encourage anybody to pay $60 for a 3-day pass, but playing the show with an act that would (possibly) nab that wristband would give them eyes and ears that they normally wouldn't have.  New fans, more downloads, etc.  But lets face it, these "local showcases" are going to the same tired acts that have been given those opportunities after opportunities. Nothing will change.  Of course, I still applied just to see how the process goes so I can report on it here.  I'd hate to see a first year festival/event become the 2019 version of the Hamtramck Music Festival in terms of bad word of mouth.  I would like to see this event succeed because on paper it is a little different in terms of concept, but I am afraid that the same local leeches/bands that don't draw will be at the forefront.  That's not quite a spoiler just yet.  Waiting on it.

But here is your not a prediction, but a spoiler of the day:  Those blimps at Hip in Detroit will post on the unique concept for the bands applying and ignore that it is still being booked by the same people who book everything around town.  Also, how long before Colleen Conroy and Eugene Strobe apply for an LLC. under the name of "Ferndale Spring Fever FEST"?

That's all for now Constant Readers.  I will keep a close eye on this as it unfolds, and promise to update if anything weird comes up.

Here are my Week 11 NFL picks: Seattle, Carolina, Atlanta, Baltimore, Minnesota, New Orleans, Tennessee, Houston, NY Giants, LA Chargers, Arizona, Pittsburgh, LA Rams.

I went 7-7 last week.  Putrid.  And I have even less confidence about this weeks picks.  Don't even bother.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, November 12, 2018

The 2018 Michigan Metro Beatdown!

* Update, Mere B Louve messaged my assistant with this.  Completely unfounded, vile, zero proof because there is none, but now we are in the area of slander, so if any Constant Reader knows the real name of Mere B Louve, the failed roller derby girl please send it to me so we can get this process rolling.  Even better it actually proves that nearly all of the complaints posted so far are unfounded.  Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Spelling not optional.  Also, had zero effect. Also has been screencapped for an impending slander lawsuit.  Too fucking easy.  This is perfect because it proves that this peanut gallery will make up lazy screenshots expecting somebody to back down.  Sorry nutsos, not working this time.

I can do this too.

*Update-  Java Hutt has reached out and should be having a dialogue within a day. And I have updated the "safe space" pic below.

Metro here.  I'm sure you have already seen my posts on the El Club situation.  I mean we're closing in on 2,000 unique hits for Chrissakes.  Just to note, I make zero money from doing this blog so if you are not a fan, you are not giving me any advertising dollars by clicking..  If you are new to the party here are the links to Parts 1 and 2 involving the drama currently going on with El Club.  Part 1-The Issue    Part 2- The Threats

Part 2 is especially interesting due to the screenshots of around 12 people conspiring ideas of violence against me including a proposed "hit job" at Ferndale's Java Hutt.  People actually volunteering online to lay me out.  All because they were wery wery sad about something I wrote online.  Yes, these people are crazy, and we will revisit who they all are in a bit just before my photo essay.  They think social media posts are all they need to do to get whatever outcome they want and when it doesn't happen they freak out.  Well, it didn't happen. Because  I'm not just crazy, I'm nuts.  So you wanna get nuts? Lets get nuts. Well, you know what's nuts is that everybody is accepting this former employee's claim as fact, yet they offered zero proof, and are fine with zero proof, oh fuck it I give up.  Last post on this issue.

Last Thursday, after intercepting the planned beatdown threats, I actually created an event page for the planned beatdown.  Here ya go:   Beat Up Metro!

Now here is an issue I have.  I included screencaps (darn it, there's that proof thing again) where specific individuals were planning physical violence against me.  They even decided on a venue with people volunteering to catfish, lookout, and actively participate.  The venue in question was Java Hutt in lovely Ferndale.  165 W. Nine Mile Rd., 48220.  I reached out to them via Facebook regarding what people were planning, including screenshots like this:

Cracking up because she had already blocked me so there was no way I could see it (unless a Constant Reader would cap and send it to me).  It's not exactly "harassing" when you have a very public reputation of being hateful, racist, and a poor driver.  Also, the public threat of violence does not do your argument any favors.  That bit of advice was free.

Java Hutt saw my message yet did not respond.  So I reached out via their website.  Here is my message in full: "Hello, I attempted to reach out via Facebook regarding an issue involving plans to assault me using your venue as the location.  Unfortunately, I did not receive a response from management.  I have sent screenshots from some very toxic people as proof where they specifically mention Java Hutt.  Too many times these days we see instances of violence in public places without warning.  I am concerned because in this instance I WAS given warning in advance and as of this writing it has fallen on deaf ears.  Feel free to contact me at any time via this e-mail.  I just want the public to see Java Hutt as a "safe space" away from all the hate."

Right after sending that to Java Hutt I switched on Ch. 7 local news and in the span of 5 minutes I saw:  K9/Shooter/bad t-shirts issue, sexual assault on Detroit west side at a bus stop, a home invasion in Ann Arbor.  All without warning (obviously).  Oh, and here's the best part.  I actually showed!  Before that, here is a recap on all the people involved.  Please keep in mind the majority of them conspired to physically attack me (see part 2's screencaps):

Asia Mock/Logan Sade-   Serial, racist nutso in town for years.  Spearheaded the El Club smear job.  A pristine DUI/poor driving record WITH HER KID WITH HER!, all public knowledge.  Former Beverly Hills Grille's Employee of the Month. I guess in a local band with TJ "Creature Feature/Third Man Records employee of the month" Gretch that hasn't been on the local radar for at least 3 years. After Queer Dance Party cancelled at El Club and offered an explanation, this psycho and her sycophants still felt that it wasn't good enough.  Yes, you read that right.  What the hell were they supposed to do? Has a PHD in being a waste of space.

Chanel Kincaid-  The former El Club employee who set this drama off.  All without a single bit of proof. I'm not saying her allegations didn't happen, but she didn't do shit to prove they did.  Claims she was offered $10,000 of compensation with her one lone screenshot, yet still finds something to complain about.  Now works at Deluxx Fluxx.  Deluxx Fluxx, you have my sympathies.

Mere B Louve-   Your run of the mill racist, sexist, hateful, militant, whiny half-wit.  Total bitch-mode. The very definition of sad.

Charlie Carter- Charlie Cuck....I mean Carter-  Your run of the mill, racist, sexist, hateful, militant, whiny, white half-wit.  Typical Seraphine Collective bitch-mode.

Stefanie "The Cane" Mezigian-  The Cane!-  Likes to offer assistance to assault somebody in a public space while doing so in a public forum, and with a cane!.  All that healthcare goodwill down the drain.

Eddie Charlton- C.C Charl... Your run of the mill hateful, militant, whiny, racist half-wit.  A total nobody.  And yes that was a "Stuff" reference for any Constant Reader fans of the 1985 cult classic and/or the legendary Garrett Morris.

GM Baptiste- GM Recon- The recon specialist (lol) who volunteered to assist in the Java Hutt mugging.  Very good at her job, just kidding hahaha.  Managed to nab my non-pen name Robby Sturr but wasn't that good and couldn't figure out if I was a Sr. or -Jr despite my pops passing away in 2015.  So yes, I am a JR.  You are an idiot.  And I didn't even have to recon that! It has since edited their post but the original can still be found in Part 2.

Matthew Smyth- Walk With Matthew-  This poor Walk With Elias WWE wannabe offered to assist in an assault against me.  "Catch these hands".  Dude, you're not going to do shit. Spoiler alert-  You didn't do shit.

Sara Smith- Sara Ermsperbergggur  Just a pest.  A fly.  A total nobody who I included here because she's on the poster board. Also a serial cheater turned nutso feminazi.

Audre Boredd- Also on record threatening physical harm against me.  I created the FB event page specifically for you and yet you no showed.  Professional dumbass.

Abby "Catfish" Ropp-  Oh poor Abby.  She offered to catfish me....on a public post lol.  Also offered to be a lookout and an "active participant" in a planned physical assault.  Doesn't understand how the internet works.  Claims to have experience dealing with stuff like this and one sentence later says she has no experience with Michigan laws.  Not a prediction, but a spoiler:  Its a waste of time.  Also, if you see this, please catfish me, as you are a "maybe" who falls into my "Manson Girl" wheelhouse fetish.  Just based on looks though. I already know you're a cruddy person.

Jay Orellana-  Just another nobody.  However this wizard claimed they had witnessed "things" at El Club and was "privy" to some allegations.  When I inquired for specifics and clarification they blocked me.  Another credible source with their head up tha ass.  Waste of space.

Amanda Mitchell-  Marie Claire Employee of the Month.  Willing to come to Detroit to meet at Java Hutt from the east coast on a Marie Claire budget.  Reality:  Isn't going to do shit.

Aubrey Wolfe- Ancient Aubrey- On record saying "Still hasn't showed up".  Ummmm whoops.  I created a fucking event page so everybody above could have a "lovely discussion" and hold on..... I ACTUALLY SHOWED UP!!!  Also, I haven't blocked anybody in ten years on social media yet she claims I blocked her.  The reason you can't see my posts is because you blocked me. That's how that stuff (not a "Stuff" reference) works.  Fucking retard.

This makes a great segue. Keep in mind everybody above is on record encouraging violence.  It really is pretty isn't it?  Here is my photo slide show of me showing up at my planned beatdown.

First up is a pic of the aftermath of an absurd situation I observed in the car where a derelict left a Milwaukee's Best tall boy JUST SIX FEET FROM A PUBLIC TRASH CAN and proceeded to panhandle at the homeless hot spot that is 9 Mile and Woodward.  And before you comment, no, the derelict was not me (although I never paid the parking meter).

Fear not, I took care of it.  See, already benefitting Ferndale.

Next up we have a generic interior shot where absolutely no physical violence occurred.  I made sure not to include any employees.

Now I was able to snag the latest edition of Metro Times with Tunde on the cover with an article promoting THE VERY SHOW THAT WAS CANCELLED BECAUSE OF ALL THIS DRAMA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Also, laughed at all the other shows cancelled that were featured in this issue. Also included proof that he still has my nachos.

Next up is me outside the Java Hutt along with my limo/uber casting call for everybody who talked shit online yet didn't show.  They're all mentioned above, but really aren't very interesting.  Just run of the mill toxic nobodies.

Next up is an alternate shot declaring that Java Hutt is indeed a "safe space" because nobody did shit.  You should have no issues of violence at this venue.  Metro certified! However, if you do receive threats of violence, report them asap especially if they are stupid enough to name the venue. Be extra cautious if you report the threats to the venue and are ignored! I made that mistake and still showed up at Java Hutt, but thankfully was not harmed.  Don't worry Electric Six, I haven't forgotten about you either and your latest Kickstarter.  I have to emphasize that this is not an indictment on the venue but pointing out the irony of Tunde, Queer Dance Party, and Will Sessions dropping out of scheduled, promoted El Club dates citing concerns of "safe space"when the same people are picking a fine local establishment to assault me.  Java Hutt is a great place.  When I was there waiting for my manners, I saw all ages, races, genders just enjoying themselves.  Which is probably why Asia and her crew hate them too.  Nothing else to complain about.

Here is the aftermath of the alley beatdown referenced from Asia above.  She kept her word.  I really wish I didn't create that event page.

And after Asia/Logan had their beatdown I had to endure this.  A heel turn by Tunde!

And after that Sadie and the Ugs redhead from Hip in Detroit swooped in to pick up the scraps....

Just kidding!  Nobody did shit which is consistent with what Asia does for the local community (hate speech excepted, or accepted depending on if you are on her friend list).

So that's it for my photo expose.  I hope you enjoyed it as much I enjoyed wasting an entire day waiting for these people to show up.  This is my final post on the El Club situation along with Asia and her crew of half-wits.  They are not making a difference in anything aside from bringing this city further down with zero efforts to rebuild it who just spew hate about any demographic other than their own, the very embodiment of racism.  Somebody had to call you out on it, so Guess Who?  Tread carefully dealing with that cast of characters because this is not a prediction, but a spoiler.

I just hope she doesn't get behind the wheel with her kid again after that selfie.

That Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Week 10 NFL Picks

Hey all Metro here.  Stop the hate!  End the hate! Lets get back to smashmouth football.
Truth be told, my plan for this weekend was to attend the planned beatdown at Java Hutt in Ferndale Saturday and do a photo blog followed by attending the Hamtramck Music Festival volunteer meeting in Hamtramck Sunday with my Johnny Press hat.  The beatdown at Java Hutt went well and the photo blog should be posted Monday or Tuesday thus closing the door on that whole incident.  I decided not to attend the HMF volunteer meeting because I retained the championship Saturday, and really what would the end game be attending?  None of my questions would be answered and my volunteer application would be denied.  The only thing of interest would be a few pics of anybody who did attend along with the obligatory committee members.  Waste of gas.

So lets dispense with the hate because honestly it is stressing me out and affecting my depression.  Lets get back to moving forward with the Week 10 NFL picks.
Last week I went 10 and 2 so I seem to be rounding into peak form.  Now I know gambling is illegal in Michigan so this post is for friendly bets and Constant Readers in Vegas.  I don't make my picks using the spread but rather who I think wins outright.

I already got Thursday's game correct with Pittsburgh so I am already 1-0 this week.  Here are my other picks!
Chicago Bears over Detroit Lions.  This could be the beatdown planned for Saturday.
New Orleans Saints over Cincy Bengals. Could be closer than expected though.
Atlanta Falcons over Cleveland Browns. The ATL is also rounding into peak form.
New England Patriots over Tennessee Titans.  I hate picking on Tennessee games.
Kansas City Chiefs over Arizona Cardinals.  This will be ugly.
NY Jets over Buffalo Bills.  Total clunker.  Shitter Bowl
Tampa Bay Bucs over Washington Redskins.  Too close to call.  Thus go with the home team.
LA Chargers over Oakland Raiders.  Also could be a beatdown. Oakland is awful.
Green Bay Packers over Miami Dolphins.  Packers at home, freezing weather, season on the line.
LA Rams over Seattle Seahawks.  Should be close, but can't go with Seattle on the road.
Philly Eagles over Dallas Cowboys.  Cowboys are awful also this season.
San Fran Niners over NY Giants.  Monday Night Puke Bowl. Both suck.  Take the home team.

That's it for the Week 10 picks.  Stay tuned Monday or Tuesday for my photo blog/closing the case on the whole El Club/planned beatdown story.  Enjoy the games.  I will be watching all of them while kneeling because blogger lives matter.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Bad Times Continued. El Club Part 2

*Update*-  Original post is below.  Well I am gearing up for my beatdown at Java Hutt in Ferndale today at 1pm.  I even created an event page.  And of course there are those screencaps that reference it.  Minor problem.  I contacted Java Hutt that their venue was being discussed as a safe space for a beatdown/mugging (see what I did there.  They saw the message and as of this morning have yet to respond.  Yes I will be there, will take photos, and post them on Monday.  That's not a prediction, but a spoiler....

Well...the shit has hit the fan.  No fault of mine though.

Hey all Metro here and I am feeling quite sad...

*Update!  I have created an event page for all the people in the screencaps below to rsvp and attend!  How cool is that?!  Here is the page.  I'll be there pussies....

Lets Beat Up Metro/Robby Fundraiser!

If you haven't read yesterday's El Club post or need a refresher here is the link.  The comments are funny too.    Bad Times At The El Club

The point of the post was not to incite a race war or anything like that despite what some people would like you to believe.  I clearly stated that I found it "problematic" (to use a word Crasia Mock uses) that so many people treat a 3 paragraph Facebook post from a former employee, Chanel Kincaid, as gospel.  Especially when her post offered zero proof of any allegations, or any testimonial from other employees.  Go back and read it.  Zero proof.  My second point was pointing out that most of her defenders are militant racists.  Yeah I posted their names, but here's the beautiful thing.  I never once brought up their races.  Don't care. A garbage person is a garbage person in my eyes.  Go back and reread it.  Never once did I bring up anybody's race.  Yet I am the racist?  Lol wut.  Yes, that's really the narrative they're trying to spin.  This when I included an actual quote from fearless leader Crasia where she refers to a Hispanic as "brown broad".  Classy.

Well it's 24 hours later and boy we got updates.  In the span of Chanel's post the owner of El Club stepped down, fa....er, Good Guy Tunde cancelled his show, and the Queer Dance Party also cancelled.  Not even 24 hours.  Because of a post with, once again, FUCKING ZERO PROOF BEHIND ANY STATEMENT!!  Jesus Christ.  I will be the first to say if any/some of that was true the owner should be held accountable.  Hold on, wait, but there was ZERO FUCKING PROOF.  I'm just stunned.  The fact the owner stepped down that quickly shows that some of it could be true, and probably is.  But I'm sorry, I'm not jumping on a bandwagon because somebody on my friend's list has a gripe.  I need the facts.  Any facts. A single fucking fact. God, this whole story is so 2018.  Anyway here is Tunde's statement:

Ugh, just more 2018. Don't worry T, I doubt too many will be let down.  What I am let down by is his use of "allegations".  Once again, not even a day after they surfaced, the dude pulls out.  With zero proof.  And can we stop using the "safe space/safe environment" argument.  If any of these people would be consistent with not wanting to play an unsafe environment The Trumbullplex and Lager House would be closed for years now.

Here is the statement from the Queer Dance Party:  "We heard you.  We needed to ask better questions.  We needed to be more thoughtful.  We needed to do better.  On more reflection, it makes sense you aren't convinced about our past message.  We want to do better than just lip service to something as important as our community. It's obvious we aren't feeling safe about the El Club space in general.  We are cancelling the event November 16th and any further ODP's until further notice."

Once again, cancelling an event mere hours after the venue comes under heat.  That's not taking a stand.  That's trying to save face.  Both Tunde and Queer Dance Party have held events at El Club in the past, probably while Chanel was still employed there.  So, it was okay and safe then?  See what happens when you use logic.  It can be fuuuuun.  Also, isn't it weird that the two events I specifically stated in yesterday's post cancelled?  Weird right? Strange even. Nah, not surprised at all.

Okay lets get to the last update.  The sheer amount of hate that I am seeing today from the Crasia Mock crew.  I'm talking seriously scary stuff.  Wait till you see some of these screenshots my assistant Stockworth grabbed.  Real people, talking in a public environment.  I will start the slide show now.  Keep in mind that Logan Sade is Asia Mock and the rest are nobodies.

First up we have this gem from Crasia herself.  Obviously went with the "stalking" angle because that's what people go to when people post facts.  I'm not stalking anybody here.  I'm just letting the Constant Readers know about toxic people in the community.  Hell, some/many may say that I'm a toxic person and they might be right, but at least I am fair, and some/many appreciate the fact I give zero fucks about upsetting the status quo.

Next up we have this exchange. Militant Charlie with the wimpy little asshole comment.  No credibility? Ummm WRONG.  No credibility is posting a rant on social media without any proof dummy.  But she's with the Seraphine crew where mental retardation is a requisite.  "No attention". WRONG.  Yesterdays post has been the most read since March of this year.  "No friends". WRONG.  I have received so many messages from people in the community who agree with what I do but don't comment on record because they don't want the headache of these same people coming after them or their band/venue.  "Waste of time and space".  Space, well maybe, but time.  WRONG.  You and your sycophants are sure spending a lot of time on this.  Yeah, I'll admit I do find amusement from all this.  "Not a physical threat but still scary to me".  Scary how?  The fact that I write a blog nobody reads, have no credibility, wimpy, etc?  Scary how?  Because I actually have proof she is an unfit mother and poor driver based on her DUI?  See, actual proof.  I would post the docs but I am civil about things....sometimes.

Well, okay, just sigh. Here's a continuation of her previous rant.  So I went from being a complete waste of time to "I hate him".  Well, consider me flattered.

Now is when this goes off the rails.  "Sounds like a pervert".  Ummm okay, great job.  Adding that to my resume of racist, sexist, wimpy, and male.  And yes Stefanie, I am still around.  However, not once here have I ever threatened physical violence, though I've had it done many a time to me.  My only question is why the "cane" reference?  You a cripple?

Here we have another possible threat of violence from Eddie.  But yeah once again, nobody cares or reads the blog.

Here is more from this Eddie guy.  Seems like a stand up guy not easily triggered into hate speech and threats.  Total stand up guy.  All within a span of minutes.  Yikes man.  Scary stuff amirite?

Catch these hands.  Yeah okay Matthew. You must have missed the last show.  Or maybe a Johnny Come Lately here.  Or maybe just a Regular John.  More threats from people on a public forum.  Rinse, repeat, and zzzzzzz.

Now here we have this gem of an exchange.  Its the worst kept secret that Bryan Metro is Robby Sturr.  So pats on everybody's backs there.  Also, regarding the real name, what's the point?  My work at the hotel is constantly contacted about my posts.  Oh and great "recon" there GM Baptiste.  I especially love the Jr. with the question mark.  My pops passed away in 2015 idiot.  Here let me do some math for you: Yes, that would make me a Jr. Saved you hours of recon there babe.  Quick break....isn't this instant entertainment and completely hilarious?  By the way, I have a rule here on Lavender blog that I do not post/comment about places where people work.  It's dirty pool, and has nothing to do with the issues I write about.  It's a rule that I never break because it happens to me at the hotel all the time.  But I'm getting very close to breaking this rule based on the threats of violence and hate speech seen in these comments.  Also, can someone confirm that Crasia's boss is white?  Asking for a friend.  And Audre, that would be a threat of violence/hate against me on record in a public forum with a specific venue mentioned.  You know what count me in.  Leave the date and time this weekend for me to get my ass beat.  I'll even create an event page for it so all your pals up there can rsvp.  Lets call it, "The You Aren't Going to Do Shit Party".

Our final cap.  My favorite.  Oh Abby, poor sweet Abby. Stupid Abby.  C'mon, catfish me babe.  Also, thank you for going on record with agreeing to be a Java Hut lookout and "active participant" in a proposed hate crime.  Also I loved this nugget of intelligence, "I have experience navigating legal resources" which was followed up with "not sure what Michigan's laws are..."  Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  I'm sure Chicago's own ProPublica would love to know sordid tales of catfishing, lookouts, and promises of physical participation from one of their employees.And there ya have it!

Anyway, my work here is done.  Everybody is crazy.  We are all doomed. Idiots are everywhere.  But until that happens, be well knowing I will be around to point out the obvious, take the piss out of everyone, and watch movies. Oh, and to the peanut gallery above.  I made ya famous!  Finally back full circle to El Club.  New owners, two events cancelled because of unfounded social media accusations.  Well goofs, if you want another closed venue/abandoned building in Detroit because that's how you "get your rocks off" you are making progress.  Fuck you.

Asia Cash Grab link for those who want to donate....bwahahahahahaha.
Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

I will post all new updates here.

First up here is a picture of me and Sky Ferreira backstage, well technically frontstage, at El Club.  For the record, I found it a safe space and had zero issues aside from Craig Brown's awful customer management skills behind the bar.  Which makes me wonder.  What's his take on the place?  Of course, silent.  Pussy.  Short.

 And like this person here:

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Bad Times At The El....Club

Racism, sexism, guns, abductions, and even....ah shit, homosexuality.  Bad Times indeed at the El Club.

*Update, just hours after my post went up El Club has gone through a change in ownership. Also, in related news, Asia Mock/Logan Sade is still completely insane with wayyyyy too much pull in this town.

Hey all Metro here.  When this case came across my desk you bet I was interested, and I knew my Constant Readers would be too.  So the elections are over, the local scene is in hibernation, and I'm bored.  But wait!

What is going on at El Club?  I'm not talking about the drop off in booking quality, unique acts here.  I'm talking about a post from a former employee, Chanel Kincaid that was posted publicly on social media where she delves into possible issues of racism, sexism, homophobia, I meant homosexuality that are going down right before our eyes.  Here, I screen-grabbed them:

Wow.  There's a lot to digest there (Insert obligatory Hip In Detroit joke there because you know they won't be covering this issue, along with Melody, Milo, etc because everybody needs those free tickets).  Go back and re-read it.  There are a LOT of accusations in there, all in public domain (for now), and oh wow, even naming names.  Don't worry Constant Readers I will have the full cast list in a bit.  This should be a cut and dry, case closed, case.  Wellll, not so fast.  I don't see a single bit of proof about any of this.  I'm not saying that it didn't happen, but you really can't go around saying things like "he's predatory towards men he's attracted to" without at least a testimonial.  Once again, all of this could be true which would make this Graeme dude, and by proxy El Club, total creeps, but some of it could be false, possibly a vendetta, and that just leads to a lawsuit.  Mmmmmmmm Detroit, the gift that keeps on giving.

Chanel's situation has picked up some traction and she does have some supporters.  Her biggest supporter is a Logan Sade.  More on her in a minute.  Here is a choice quote from Logan:

"So, Samantha Magdaleno is a problem.  Imma let Mere B Louve break it down for you one time real quick why.  Dear Detroit my loves, Graeme (owner of El Club- a notoriously racist employer) is paying for this brown broad for her services, which include antagonizing black folk who seek to hold white wealthy gentrifiers better accountable to the communities they claim to include.  She actively chose whiteness over solidarity for her own personal gain."

*Metro here again.  The person she is referring to is Samantha Magdaleno, a Hispanic....well, more on that in a bit. "Brown broad" then into "white wealthy gentrifiers"...what?!  Back to the quote:

" She's an agent of white supremacy of the most dangerous order, literally stealing our work, space, opportunities, erasing our words and images, then selling them back to Detroit as solidarity and decolonization.  She is far worse than Graeme imo.  And honestly, all you non-black activists in black ass Detroit doing this shit can choke for all I care.  If you know Samantha you tell her she's seen."

Yes that is an actual online quote from Logan Sade, and has the requisite amount of hate and anger of....well, lets just get to the cast of characters...

Chanel Kincaid- Former employee at El Club.  Accuser Patient Zero.
Graeme Flegenheimer- Owner of El Club
Drew Drialo- Employee at El Club
Samantha Magdaleno- The "Facilitator" Also brown, but not black.
Logan Sade- The chief warhorse.  Wait a second here.  Logan Sade is Asia Mock!!!!  You know, the preeminent Detroit nutcase.  Frontwoman of the shitty local band Pretty Ghouls which also includes closet misogynist TJ Gretch/Ghoul/Cuck.  This person is a "certified rotten" racist, sexist, homophobe who has actually threatened me in public forum that she would attack me because, yeah, that's smart.  You still want that coffee?
Mere B Louve- Sycophant of Asia/Logan.  Your basic run off the mill militant racist. Also threatened to set set somebodys house on fire.  Yeah, good people here.
Charlie Carter- Also a sycophant of....wait a second, this is the same doofus who posted my personal info earlier this year (my response: "Like I give a fuck") when I was looking into the Richie/Lo and Behold Records rape case.  She is possibly in Seraphine Collective which makes her a waste of space, and I just give up.

Good lord, what a cast!  So the venue reached out to Logan/Asia via Drew, Samantha only to be rebuffed.  Psycho Asia/Logan went on to posting even more hate online, even criticizing the Queer Dance Party Detroit for being held at the venue, calling it "problematic".  She even brought out the old standard that the venue was not a "safe space".  You know what, fuck this, enough is enough, and this deserves an ALL CAPS "SPARE ME".  Here is a screenshot regarding this:

Ummmm, okay, yeah, it's the venue's fault for that.  Nothing to see here so lets get back to commenting on "the white men and women that enter this black ass city and fill up spaces with dangerous people."  That's another Asia/Logan gem of wisdom.

Here's the deal, there is a trend here.  These same people did the same thing in the past, most notably with the Hamtramck Music Festival.  Enough is enough.  This is getting boring and old.  This is disguised racism, sexism, homophobia at its finest and is once again spearheaded by professional nutso Asia Mock/Logan Sade/or whoever she calls herself next week after the current FB account is zapped due to hate speech.  Oh, here is the current hate-filled account:

Asia Mock/Logan Sade/Bitch

Now, I'm in no way taking sides in this mess.  In fact, I reached out to both parties for comment and will update once/if I hear back.  I understand that the majority of this may come across as Pro-El Cub, but there is also the fact that they blocked me a month ago and are hosting Fat Fuck Tunde...


My main point is that if anybody is friends with Asia Mock/Logan Sade please get her help.  She really needs professional care.  The local scene has already lost too many.  Yes, I understand some people can't be saved and sometimes nature just has to take its course.  But really, get this girl some help. Asia/Logan is among the most toxic people in this local scene, and does nothing to actually improve things but rather just rests on the lazy hate tropes.  A total garbage person whose band is toast.  The cuck'd drummer who is on record saying rock and roll is about fucking (lol) is a ghost, not a ghoul ;) and the other girl has a gig because she boned Danny Dustrod.  Worst people, worst band, in town.  And people bitched to HamFest 2017 about me.  Fuck off.  Names are out.  Eat shot.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Sunday, November 4, 2018

The JCM Guide to the Midterm Elections

Hey all, Metro here.  I usually stick to pop culture, local corruption, and the occasional nudes, but this year, I am trying to branch out and shake things up by covering the 2018 Michigan Midterm Elections, albeit with a JCM pop culture, local corruption, possible nude twist.

I was inspired to do this after seeing a post from those blobs at Hip in Detroit where they basically copy and pasted a Click on Detroit election article and posted it as their own.  Well, two can play that game, and I can do it while also making my UFC 230 weight cut.  So here's what you need to know!

Holy crap, I didn't realize until just now that Eugene is wearing a pin from his own band on that rebel leather jacket.  Jesus Christ what a fookin' tool.  I mean -jr had custom JCM guitar pics and even shoes made, to get a rise out of people, but the pic above is serious.  Sigh...… anyway

-There are many elections this Tuesday, most elections in a year, biggest midterm ever, and if you are on social media, you have probably polluted my timeline about it by now.  This post is for the Constant Readers that may not know all the facts, so I'm here to help them become Constant Voters as well.  Please note that I receive most of my information via television ads rather than actual research, so I will try to keep my personal opinions out of this post and keep it as unbiased as possible.

-Polling in Michigan starts at 7am and ends at 8pm.  If you are in the building by 8, you will still be allowed to vote.  This works out perfectly for me as I am usually still drinking around 7am and in no way fit to drive, but I should be up from the blackout around 8 with the familiar scent of urine around but of course unable to be located, so I should still able to make the polls.
-Make sure you verify your voting locations.  Don't make the mistake I made in 2016 and wander into the Toy Chest Lounge and sit at the stage mumbling things like, "I have a donation for your campaign" and "My chad is hung."
-Make sure you have a valid ID.  You do not need a voter's card to vote but you do need to have one of the following: Driver's license, Passport, Gov./Military ID, or an AMC Rewards Card.

Okie dokie, lets get to the election!  I do have to say that I won't be posting my picks here as I have yet to familiarize myself with any of the candidates despite the election being in a day or so.  Okay, maybe I'll post a few, maybe a few.  Football's on and I can't be bothered really.  I am proud to say that I have an equal amount of far left and far right friends on my social media feeds that have yet to block me, so I am trying to catch up here.  It really is too much entertainment how crazy everybody has become.  The entire country.  The entire world!  I personally love the chaos.  Makes things fuuuuun.  The downside is that because of public sentiment in 2018, you only get one JCM live show a year going forward.

-Let's start with the other elections of interest.  There are almost too many to count!  I encourage you to visit this link to verify and vet all candidates in your district because I sure as hell aren't posting them here.
 Eduacate Yourself

-Here we have the Secretary of State, State Board of Education, U of M Regent/Crook, Michigan State Trustee/Pedo, and Wayne State Governor.  There are also numerous millage votes.  I had to Google search "millage" so you know that this voting day means business this time.

-Next we have the local district Circuit Court Judge elections.  I am including these to give Mrs. Walters and the Hamtramck Public School system enough time to familiarize themselves with somebody they will be seeing very soon due to the fraud regarding the numerous undocumented donations to the school system/grants/money laundering scheme.

-Also of note, is the Justice of the MI Supreme Court.  This caught my attention because one of the candidates is named Megan Cavanagh.  Her campaign crew dropped the ball with not having her campaign slogan be "I'm the one with a C, not a K!" or "I'm not the one with a CocK".  However, there really is one logical candidate to vote for.  This guy:

-The Big Two elections are Governor and Senator.  Let's start with Senator.  We have: John James (Rep.) vs. Debbie Stabenow (Dem.).  Basically it's the guy in The Expendables versus the gal whose last name could be an Expendables villain.  This basically comes down to a political "lifer" against somebody who "hates politics".  That is basically the equivalent of me saying "I'm not racist...but" before a joke about how Indians have mastered the CVS Pharmacy receipt coupon scam.  I'm not sure where to lean here.  Go with the one with experience, or cuck it up with the guy with the big, black missile?  Too close to call.

-Now we have the Governor/Lieut. Gov. race.  Bill Schuette/Lisa Posthumus Lyons (Rep.) vs. Gretchen Whitmer/Garlin Gilchrist (Dem.) vs. Bill Gelineau (Lib.), who I included for the hippie Constant Readers/Voters.  So we have Schuette, a political prototype who bores me aside from old youtube vids of him hitting on reporters, but I love the name of his running mate Lisa Posthumus.  I actually thought it was the girl from Rogue Satellites for a second.  Plus, there is the lure of "Posthumus" jokes.  Then we have the running mate of Whitmer, Gilchrist, who is catching heat for a housing scam which would actually make him more qualified for the Detroit City Council than Lieutenant Governor.  Plus I can't figure out if Whitmer is hot or not because of all the layers she wears.  Very close race, but not really.  Too close to call (about the hot or not).

-Finally, we have the Proposals.  These have really divided my social media psycho friend base.  I tried to look into each one but lost interest because too many word.

-Prop 1- The pot one.  Make it legal or not?  I have no issue with it being legal, but as a local music/art journalist, I would be concerned that we would see a regional increase in...….. shitty local bands and additional Sheefy McFly art exhibitions/murals.  Coin flip.
-Prop 2- This is the district boundaries/committee of citizens prop.  This is the one that has the most "juice" on my feed. The lefters say "Yes" and the righters say "No".  Too tough to call again, but I predict that whichever side wins will do their very best to fuck it up anyway.  So I'll be writing in "Maybe".  In crayon.
- Prop 3- This is to clean up voter registration, no-reason absentee voting, and post-election audits.  Please stay tuned for my future post of over 200 messages from the Hamtramck Music Festival committee where they discuss how all of those perks can raise awareness on public disclosure thus hurting subsequent, future Festival/Fests.
- Prop 4- This is only on a few ballots.  This is designed to remove the multiple bans on JCM including Ant Hall, Outer Limits, Korner Bar, Kelly's, Smalls, New Way Bar, Hamtramck Music/Labor Day Fests, Metro Times, DIY Fest, and the Majestic Complex.  Hint- Vote yes!

So that's it.  The JCM Midterm Prevue.  I do encourage you to use the link up there to familiarize yourself, but I tried to give you at least a little insight into the races and voting process.  Sure as hell a lot more than Hip in Detroit because I wasn't typing with four brautwursts in my mouth and an IV of pure pickle juice.  Plus I included pop culture, local corruption, the HMF, and the occasional nude.  Ah crap, I let you down on that last one.  You lucked out this time Marcie.  Maybe I should just hang up the pen and move on to other, larger projects.  That's not a prediction, but a spoiler.  Don't forget, parent company North Central Positronics/Sombra Corp. has planned condominiums in Turtle Bay. And coincidentally, in Mid World, the Path of the Bear connects with the Path of the Turtle.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Making tomorrow, today.  Have fun at the polls!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Postscript-  If you don't know by now, my posts are 80% jerk/satire and 20% info you can use.  Everybody is going batshit nuts about these elections and a thought a little levity could be of use, along with misogyny, race, and body shaming.  The Constant Readers who get it will get it and those that don't will be pissed in the always anonymous comment section below.  The most important thing is to get out there and have your voice heard.  Tres importante.  Have I ever lied to you?

Monday, October 29, 2018

The Curious Case of Catfishin' Carole Hawkins + Worthy Cause

*A glimpse of what's to come in 2019?

Hey all, Metro here.  I first thought to outsource this case to Johnny Press, but then I thought I should handle it myself.  Here's the story and I'll spin it for you quick.  People message me all the time. All the time. Some like what I do here, and some....don't.  That's what makes this the best blog in town.  I have a rule that I never block anybody, and always try to have at least some dialogue with them.  Sometimes they even give me leads or screenshots to roll with since I am blocked by pretty much everyone.  I treat every message with attention and they are always off the record.  I respect my sources.

So imagine my surprise when I received a message from somebody who was willing to go "on the record"!  Somebody by the name of Carole Hawkins from Dearborn, Michigan, USA.  Here is Carole:

Definitely doffable.  She popped up out of nowhere about a month ago and even "liked" a few of my posts on the JCM page; actually a bunch.  Well that's one way to get my attention.  She claimed that a member of the Hamtramck Music Festival/Fest committee was cheating on his girl.  Ehhh, okay. Salacious yes, but I wasn't sure if I could run with it because A) The story lacked the juice I need for my hits. B) Who cares? C) I already know the geezer is a douche and have posted evidence in previous posts. D) Everybody else already knows he's slime.  Hard working yes, but slime..  However, I was bored, so I entertained the conversation.  Plus there was the always looming possibility that I could swing some doffed top pics.

Here is her (mildly edited) message to me:  "About XXXX?  It is a true statement!  He cheated on his current girlfriend XXXX with someone he once dated.  He isn't the person he claims to be.  I wouldn't put it passed (sic) him with all that you state.  He has hurt a lot of people I know.  Feel free to keep it on record.  I really don't care."

Interesting eh?  Only one problem.  Carole Hawkins doesn't exist.  Which means that somebody took the time to create a fake profile to try to trigger me to rag on somebody I already don't like.  This is like high school 2.0 here.  My first question was Why?  I asked around and nobody knows a "Carole Hawkins".  Whoever created the profile is obviously a Constant Reader here and should know based on my research into the HMF/Ben's Encore that I look into my sources, especially if I don't know you.  The pic was taken from a Pinterest account of a Ron Sidwell in Pensacola, Florida, USA.  The pic is of some dame from Munich (or a Munich themed party.  I didn't bother to research further).  So, basically, public domain.  Once I inquired how she knew all of this, the account was swiftly deleted.  So, now I'm pissed.  Somebody attempted to use this platform of mine to drag somebody through the mud.  Ummmm, I'm pretty sure I can do that on my own.  But it still bugs me that someone would take the time to contact Me, someone who writes for a blog that "nobody reads".

Truth be told, I don't care who is fucking who.  Well I sorta do, but this isn't Lavender Shoe Diaries.  Hell, years ago somebody said that Ryan Allen was cheating on his wife but I didn't post on it because it didn't interest me and probably was not true (who would hook up with that troll?).  Anyway, I have two theories:
1) The HMF is freaking out because I've stopped writing about them, so they are doing this themselves because nobody else is talking about them.  Basically, the equivalent of sending yourself a poorly made pipebomb.
2) Somebody with a personal vendetta.

My first theory was a half joke.  The reality of this is quite sad, and I believe it will just get worse as the 2019 Festival, or Fest based on your side, gets close. The scary thing is everybody involved are adults. Poorly organized fuck-ups, but still adults.  You've seen the screenshots of their 2017 meetings that I posted.  Now fake accounts are being created to try to trigger a pest blogger like me.  All I want to do is expose local corruption, hypocrisy, and look at nudes.  Anyway, sorry to bore you, but I did find it weird, and some of you may find it interesting.  So, I leave it up to you Constant Readers.  Who is "Carole Hawkins" really?  Leave your guesses in the comments section.  As always, anon comments are enabled.  I have my own theories and have three possible people tagged.  Who do you tag? Who do you want to tag?

Anyway, enough of the grown men drama.  Lets use this platform for something positive.  I have tried to be more positive since the Oct. 9th re-launch.  Now, you know I am not the biggest fan of GoFundMe's.  I have well documented the oddness of the constant Mrs. Walters Hamtramck Schools campaigns raising money for the same things provided by the Hamtramck Music Fest.  Also I touched on how the multiple UFO Factory campaigns didn't add up and were a cash grab.  Oh, by the way, congrats on the re-open.  I said if they did this year I would acknowledge it here.  And my offer of playing still stands as well.  Just keeping my promise.  Anyway, I ramble.  My point is most crowdsourcing campaigns are cash grabs (cough Electric Six).  But when I see one that is actually worthwhile I try to give it a push.

I have written about the Senate Theater here before.  Maybe because it is down the street from where I grew up, or maybe it is because it is a great fooking theater, but I love that place.  I put it on par with the Redford.  The problem is nobody knows it runs events on a regular basis.  I have seen many a movie I missed growing up here on the big screen, they have a great jacked up organ, and the people who run it are good people.  Which is why nobody is talking about this campaign.
   So, basically they want to upgrade their marquee, and make the neighboring lot more people friendly, possibly even including local art and murals.  Sheefy McFly, get on this.  The interior of the Senate is unique, beautiful, and retro.  The outside is what needs the love.  It is basically the movie theater equivalent of Mila Kunis.  Without makeup....oh dear lord, but with some touching up, totally a babe.  Anyway, I'm rambling again.  This is a good project, vetted personally by me, and the Detroit Organ Society is a legit non-profit which means it is not managed by Aaron Andrew Cumming.  They have a few cool rewards, but the biggest reward is making this local classic pretty again.  Here is the link to their page to donate:   Welcome to the Senate
I guess I am appealing to the non local music Constant Readers here, some of which are out of state.  I realize that this local music scene is next to worthless unless an act has their mitts in it, or is booked for a show, etc. Seriously, I am staggered by the lack of promotion/love from local acts for events they are not involved in.  Fook the whole "local community artist" bs.  If you are a local musician or artist you are guilty of it.  So of course, why would they care about this?  This is for everyone who has yet to sell their souls.  Maybe if they raise enough money they can even get a gong!  Seriously though, who the fook needs a gong?  So get out there and donate to something you are not involved in.  Maybe there is still hope for you yet local music peeps (that was a joke btw). Full disclosure, I am in no way affiliated with the Senate Theater.  This is just a passion project for me because I'm a retro theater addict and I wanted to set an example that you don't have to have your hand in the cookie jar to promote/support something.

Oh, and here is the first single from our 2019 release "Teenage Pussy", or "Driller Killer", or "Pools of Lube".  Haven't decided yet.  Anyway, the single is called "Pipebomb".  Its free so you can use the $$ to give to the Senate.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, October 26, 2018

It's all fake + New Hit Single "Pipebomb"

Hey all Metro here. I was planning on taking the week off, but then all this "suspicious device, MAGAbomber, media frenzy" came up and I had to address the situation. Full disclosure, yes, in 2017 I used the term "pipebomb" in a few posts. And yes, I brought a pressure cooker for a performance at a MT Blowout. But I stress, it was not rigged or filled with nails. During the set I filled it with cd's of other local acts playing the fest. Was it in poor taste? Maybe. Was it satire? Definitely. Was it ill-advised to do it a week after the Boston incident? Yeah, probably.  Regarding the "pipebomb" posts, I was contacted by the police.  All of this can be found in my transcripts of the Hamtramck Music Festival doofus committee.  I spoke to a live detective and explained my use of the word and agreed to take down the posts.  My usage of "pipebomb" is derived from professional wrestler CM Pound who used it in a famous promo.  I will include it here so you can catch the reference:    A Wrestling Promo

I was tailed to work that day, and that was it.  Case closed.
Now the acts of one bad apple have people messaging me opening up old wounds.  So, let me go on the record saying that we at the Lavender Blog/North Central Positronics in no way support or encourage acts of domestic terrorism.  We find them just as disgusting as the lineup for Creepy Cheapy this year with Motel Hell Gaga having a prime slot that nobody cares about.  Absolutely inexcusable. The loon, or patsy, they caught deserves to be locked up for a long time.  As for me, I have a clean record aside from the student loans, and I intend to keep it that way.  I am sincerely glad that nobody was hurt by any of this, and I apologize to anybody in Hamtramck who felt even a tad bit worried about my posts.  I just had to post on it because some people were asking.  Don't let your egos get out of control.

Okie dokie, lets get on to more positive things.  It was pointed out that JCM, the band, has yet to put out any new music for a few years.  And, that we need to be eligible for next year's Detroit Music Awards.  So I am quite excited to give a free preview of the lead single off of our 2019 album "Teenage Pussy" or "Driller Killer.  The title has yet to be confirmed.  The basic track was recorded in 2015 and the vocals added in 2017, though they still have to be redubbed by yours truly.  I hope you enjoy it.  The first new JCM song in two years!  The title is "Pipebomb"

tryin' times