Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Great News!!!

All of your favorite JCM albums/singles/etc. are available on the majority of streaming services: Tidal, Spotify, ITunes, Amazon, and more.  So far I have listened to JCM Radio on Spotify and it alternates between our masterpieces and Ty Stone's songs about calzones.  Anyways, Metro saw some skin flick he won't stop raving about so keep your eyes peeled for a review on that!

I'm the eater of worlds.
-jr

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Trump 2016 and a Look at Who To Swipe on Tinder

"Hope everything is alright.  Hope everything is allllllriiiigghhhht."

     Trent wakes up to Frank Black singing "hope everything is alright" over and over and he looks to see that his recently purchased V-M Tri-O-Matic 1275 vintage record player has malfunctioned and has been skipping endlessly since he passed out last night and he rolls over, already knowing that everything is indeed not right.

     I'm sitting on the sofa pull-out next to the bed and have been listening to the record player drone on and on since the sun came up, looking out the window, probably crying, but really, who knows?
   "Bryan," Trent moans, "Unplug the V-M Tri-O-Matic Model 1275.  It is malfunctioning."  He insists on calling it by its full name, probably to justify its cost, and I comply and the room goes silent.

   "Gotta see if I got any swipes," Trent continues.  The entire house by the beach has become addicted to Tinder for the past week.  I hand him his phone and casually check mine for the same purpose (off camera of course), and then head downstairs.  Why was I even in Trent's room to begin with?

     I pass by Matt in the bathroom furiously trying to scrub a "Trump 2016" written in permanent marker off of his forehead, an obvious Trent prank, to little success.  I walk past the pull-out sofa where Scott is playing X-Box, a "Trump 2016" mantra on his forehead also, but with zero effort to wash it off and its like a parallel world ash wednesday at the house by the beach and I wander into the kitchen to try to convince myself that I need to eat something and check my forehead in my reflection on the fridge (nothing) (I never sleep) and notice in the personal gym adjacent to the kitchen that Trent is already working out (did he teleport?) and he is emphasizing biceps today and his brand new "Trump 2016" tattoo is the focus as he is only working out his right arm.

     I watch Trent work out for about 15 minutes, halfheartedly maintaining a semi-hard-on, then get bored and head to the bathroom because I really should shave because I have nothing better to do.
   "Why are you still here? Didn't you understand the warnings?" Vikki asks me.
   "Well, I'm kind of a complacent guy, babe.  And maybe a little bitter that you left so soon," my reply, and then, "I really do kind of miss you."
   "I know," her reply, "Hope everything is alright."

Trent stumbles into the bathroom, already drunk.
   "Hey bud, talking to yourself? Nevermind.  Gotta piss."  He draws "Trump/Trent 2016" onto the bathroom mirror in permanent marker and I leave the bathroom without accomplishing anything and head to the living room where I find Matt, Scott, and Amy (no Trump sharpies) already at work checking their phones for any Tinder swipes.  Nobody has had any luck so far because we set our radius at 0.5 miles because we are all agoraphobic and no longer leave the house by the beach.  Actually, Amy has had some luck because, being a female, combined with the amount of desperate guys online who swipe every female they see, well she has attention.  Scott actually informed us that there are websites where you can pay for the opportunity to do exactly the same.  We all had a laugh at that (as I noticed Trent casually searching for said sites).
   "I got zero swipes today.  We need a house with a better fucking location near the beach," Trent whines.
   "I'm not moving shit," Scott mumbles.
We are all resigned to another lonely night when Matt, of all people, miraculously gets a "like".  His name is Chad.  The living room becomes silent, which is broken after 30 seconds by Trent who already has a plan.

     30 minutes later, Matt is walking/sulking to the 24 hour diner a mile away from the house (house car is in the shop) to meet with Chad.

     30 minutes later Chad is back at the house by the beach strapped to a dentist's chair and systematically being broken down via torture methods that we are searching online as we go.  At one point, Trent cuts off one of Chad's nipple and makes it into a crude eye patch and then Amy realizes that Chad is starting to bleed out so we spend the next twenty minutes searching the internet for ways to stop the bleeding.

     Once the bleeding has stopped, we drag Chad to the house by the beach's pool, which is now possessed by the spirit that inhabited the pool that we house-sat at a few years ago.  During the exorcism Matt was successfully able to transfer the poltergeist  from the old pool to our pool (per Trent's demands).  As part of the agreement for the spirit transfer we had to sacrifice Amy's unborn baby but since she was going to abort it anyways it really wasn't much of a loss.

     Scott begins the ritual, which basically consists of reading old Spy Vs. Spy comics from Mad Magazine as Trent carves "Trent 2016" into Chad's head and then dumps him into the pool which immediately becomes alive and the water starts boiling, searing off Chad's skin.  Chad is screaming in terror and Trent tosses a life raft into the pool which immediately dissolves (It had "Natalie Wood 1981" written on it in black sharpie) and he is singing "hope everything is alright".

     I'm already crying at this point as Sprygus the Spirit consumes the essence of Chad from his charred body so I go to the outdoor mini-bar and start making drinks for everyone.  I hide my sobs behind a false smile (they're not looking anyway) but ultimately don't care because I realize that this must be the place.



From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Hamtramck Music Fest-Day 2 Revue

Hey-o, I know its only noon but let me get the JCM revue of the HamFest Day 2 posted early for your enjoyment.




























From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, March 4, 2016

2016 JCM Hamtramck Music Fest Coverage-Day 1

Metro here,
Since nobody other than the acts shamelessly plugging their own sets is covering the Hamtramck Music Festival this year the JCM will swoop in and provide our certified gold coverage for your enjoyment for those who will not be able to make it (ie:anyone not playing).  Sorry that we are a day late and missed the Kickoff (So glad to see Cosmic Light Shapes make the cut.  How'd that happen??).  Anyways, here is Metro's Day 1 coverage at the Hamtramck Music Fest:

































From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Metro's Oscar Predictions

Hey Crumbs,
It's been a while eh?.....
Unfortunately, I've been away, tied up, blocking everybody on my Facebook feed posting about the Hamtramck Music Fest.  Busy work.  After the 70th block I chuckled at the fact that the only people posting about the Hamtramck Music Fest are the people playing at the Hamtramck Music Fest.  There's not a single random doffable babe that says, "Can't wait for the Hamtramck Music Fest!!"  Although I am glad Cosmic Light Shapes was able to make the cut this year. Whew.  Otherwise they'd be playing less shows than....well, us.

Anywho, I digress. Here are my predictions for this year's Oscars.  We usually do a JCM party/live tweet of the event at Wang's because we're a bunch of faaaaaags but this year Wang is sick with the Bug so here we go!


Short Film Animated-  Bear Story-  Just because the title reminds me of my days at City Club.

Production Design-  The Revenant-  Tough call between this and Mad Max.

Music Original Song-  Writing's on the Wall/Spectre-  Sam Smith, gay, Oscars, math.

Music Original Score-  Morricone/Hateful Eight-  One of the few locks of the night.  And deserved (though Sicario was a close second).

Makeup and Hairstyling-  Mad Max-  I love the irony in this.

Foreign Language Film-  Son of Saul-  Saul, vaguely Jewish name, Oscars, math.

Film Editing-  Mad Max-  This one is also a lock.  Probably Max's biggest award of the evening.

Short Film/Live Action-  Ave Maria-  Picked it out of a hat.

Sound Editing-  Mad Max-  Duhhhhh

Sound Mixing-  Mad Max-  And the "Terminator 2 Technical Awards" champion of the year goes to.........

Visual Effects-  Mad Max-  Fuck The Martian.  Terrible movie

Writing/Adapted Screenplay-  The Big Short-  Boring nominees this year.

Writing/Original Screenplay-  Spotlight-  Boring, safe, Oscar bet, though it really should go to Ex Machina.

Documentary/Short-  Body Team 12-  I picked this one because it was my nickname in college.

Documentary/Feature-  Cartel Land-  Topical I guess.  I was leaning towards "Amy" which was also my nickname in college.

Animated Film-  Inside Out-  Barring an upset from another Charlie Kauffman film that appeals to no one, this is a lock.

Costume Design-  The Danish Girl-  I'd crack up if Mad Max wins both costume design and Makeup/Hair, but this will probably go to the movie about transgender cuz it's so IN.

Cinematography-  The Revenant-  THIS is the category to beat here.  Let's pretend "Carol" isn't in it.  We have The Revenant, Hateful Eight, Sicario, and Mad Max.  All of them deserve to win.  4 way tie?  I'm leaning towards the Best Picture frontrunner although I can see Hateful Eight swooping in for the upset with the retro 70mm filming.  Poor Roger Lucci, I mean Deakens.

Supporting Actress- Alicia Vikander-  My next ex-wife.  Also, amazing in Ex Machina.

Supporting Actor-  Sylvester Fucking Stallone-  Possibly the moment of the night.  This guy was in Stop or my Mom Will Shoot.

Director-  Alejahndkjhf Jdkdhhh/The Revenant-  We may have a back to back Director winner this year, although I personally would go with George Miller.

Best Actress-  Brie Larson-  Probably a lock.  Also, seen her naked.

Best Actor- Leo-  The lock of the night, although like his director best pal, Scorsese, probably for the wrong movie.  He should have won for Wolf of Wall Street.  Anywho, just deserved.

Best Picture-  Spotlight-  I'm leaning towards a split between Director and Picture this year.  It can go either way between Spotlight and The Revenant, but I will side with the movie hardly anybody has seen because, well it's the Oscars.


So that's that chumps.  Enjoy the show, and take a shot every time Chris Rock mentions Black Lives Matter.  A shot of alcohol, I mean.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Metro's Top Movies of 2015

Well, it's my favorite writing time of the year (aside from when I work on my soon to be debut novel, The Invisible People), my top movie list of the past year.  Each year it seems to get bigger and bigger; the list too!  Match them moles!

This year I will touch base on the "Need to See's" from last years list, the Need to Sees from this year, those that missed the cut, the yearly Disappointment, the Honorable Mentions of 2015, and finally the Top Ten.  As always, I in no way attempt to write what I feel are the best, but what are my favorites.  I'm no film critic, just a film fan.  Let's roll....

2014 Need to See Updates

The Lego Movie-  Still haven't seen.  Lost interest

Zero Theorem-  Still haven't seen.  Still want to due to Gilliam and Waltz

Grand Piano-  Still haven't seen

Green Inferno-  Moved to 2015 release period

Foxcatcher-  Still haven't seen.  Time has passed

Grand Budapest Hotel-  Still haven't seen.  Pro's- Impressive Oscar run.  Con's- Wes Anderson

Theory of Everything-  Still haven't seen.  Probably won't

Only Lovers Left Alive-  Still haven't seen.  Will see.

Selma-  Still haven't seen.  Also, time has past.

The Interview-  Still haven't seen.  Not too worried because these guys make the same movie every time.

American Sniper-  Still haven't seen. Probably will.

Filth-  Still haven't seen.  Maybe will.



So, there ya go.... all of the "Need to See's" from 2014 and I saw absolutely zero which doesn't bode well for this year's Need to See list, but I am still including them.  Here we go.....

2015 Need To See

The Loft-  It kind of came and went and didn't get the best of reviews, but I'm always drawn to stories about worthless people and "very bad things".  See what I did there!

Project Almanac-  Tried to be this year's Chronicle, but from what I hear, fell short.  Still, I love a good time travel yarn.

Tomorrowland-  I tried to see this numerous times during a theater hop but always failed.  I was also put off by the luke-warm word of mouth.  Brad Bird-s first mis-fire.

Inside Out-  I don't really sweat animated films, but this one will probably win the Oscar so it has my attention.  My dad hated it *Upon correction, he did not like some of the characters.

Mission Impossible:Rogue Nation-  The Mission Impossible series is like a fuck buddy.  I never saw Part 1, tolerated Part 2, missed Part 3, saw Part 4 in true IMAX at the Henry Ford and loved it, and missed this one.  I'm cheating on you Mission Impossible series..

Bridge of Spies-  This Spielberg film kind of came and went.  Good word of mouth, but it just didn't sell me.  What worries me is that it was a Spielberg movie, written by the Coen brothers, starring Tom Hanks....and it didn't sell me.

Crimson Peak-  I really wanted to see this on the big screen, but once again, lukewarm word of mouth cooled me off.  Plus it was only at the dollar show for a week!  Tom Hiddleston, I have abandoned you two years in a row.

Carol and Spotlight-  Oscar bait is Oscar bait.

With that out of the way, we move on to the main course, the movies that I have actually seen this year.  We will start with our missed cuts, then Disappointment of the Year, followed by the Honorable Mentions, and then the Top Ten.  Once again, I emphasize this is my own opinion, so it may be a tad unconventional.

Missed the Cut

Green Inferno-  This was on the "Need to See" list for 2014 but was bumped to 2015 based on its release date.  I do enjoy movies with unlikable characters, but I can't put my finger on it, and this just fell flat.  I liked the idea of "social justice warriors" getting their comeuppance, but I was expecting so much more.  I will give credit for a cannibal movie being released in 2015, however,

Avengers:Age of Ultron-  The "Marvel Model" has finally hit the ceiling.  It was a fun movie with a great vocal turn by James Spader, but it just felt like a set-up for future Marvel movies where the heroes have to obtain something/MacGuffin.

San Andreas-  There is no reason this movie should be anywhere on my list, much less the missed cuts, but The Rock versus an earthquake and Alexandra Daddario in, cough, 3d.  Ok sold.

Jurassic World-  I've never been a fan of the Jurassic movies so I didn't have a connection with this.  However, Chris Pratt is a babe, but I don't have any need to see this again.

The Gallows-  As a theater geek in high school, along with a fan of found footage movies, I was really looking forward to this one about a ghost haunting a high school drama production.  The execution (pun not intended) sucked.  So much potential....


And here we come to this year's "Disappointment".  2 years ago it was Gravity and this year is another Sci Fi Fav.  Disappointment.

Disappointment of 2015
The Martian-  I love Ridley Scott.  I love Ridley Scott Sci-Fi.  This movie was a face palm.  It was filmed well and had decent performances, but I did not connect with it in any way, nor felt any emotion during it.  All I could think is the author and production team saying, "Look how smart we are," and then shitting out a boring movie.  My least favorite movie experience of the year.

Now it is the time for the List Proper.  When I first started it years ago, it only included the Top 10 and Honorable Mentions, and now it has become quite bloated with all these other categories, and I hope that everybody enjoys it and the time I have put into it.  Now, on to the 2015 Honorable Mentions......

2015 Honorable Mentions

In no particular order....

Knock Knock---This is a remake of 1977's Death Game versus Funny Games starring Keanu Reeves as a flawed husband who makes the mistake of letting two doffable babes into his home on a rainy night.  I personally am loving older-period Keanu Reeves as he is taking more chances.  His performance in this rivals Nic Cage's "Bees" performance in The Wicker Man.

Jupiter Ascending-  What a clusterfuck of a movie... Channing Tatum as a dog boy.  Mila Kunis not looking hot.  Eddie Redmayne confirming he is the worst actor to ever win an Academy Award,  Should have been called The Wachowski's Descending.  Trainwreck on film.  Still an Honorable Mention.

It Follows-  Almost made the cut....but didn't.  This is a very original, locally made horror movie that just didn't stick the landing.  It included a very unique premise about a "something" that stalks you via sex but the film really does not maximize the potential of the concept.  Has some very creepy sequences, and some very dull sequences.

Furious 7-  Popcorn cinema.  You know what you're going to get.  Stupid fun.  Made the Honorable Mention list only because of the editor re:Paul Walker, plus the nice send off.

Unfriended-  A throwaway found footage movie that really embraced the challenge of making it a unique experience utilizing only computer chat screens.  It's not the best movie but kudos for at least trying something different.  If you like found footage horror; recommended.

Insidious 3-  Cookie cutter horror film.  If you liked the ghost hunter characters from the first two films then you will have fun with this origin story.  2015 was a soft year for horror.  This isn't the greatest but it is serviceable.

Terminator:Genisys-  Yes, yes, I know.  This was universally badmouthed, but goddamitt, I found it entertaining and had fun with it.  Call it nostalgia, or whatever, but seeing Arnold as The Terminator once again was very cool, and the scene with him entering a police station carrying a giant teddy bear was hilarious.  I know it sounds terrible but it works.

Spectre-  I've read a lot of comments on how a lot of people didn't like this Bond entry as much as Skyfall, but aside from the weak Sam Smith opening song, I thought it was on par.  Finally, the producers of the Daniel Craig Bond's realized the importance of a memorable villain with Javier Bardiem in Skyfall and Christoph Waltz in Spectre.  Also, they remembered the importance of the signature hentchman and Batista delivered and the train fight rivaled the Connery/Robert Shaw one from From Russia With Love.


Finally, we reach the end.  The Top 10.5 of 2015 for me.  Nothing much left to be said aside from the 2015 10.5 "caveat" spot.  Which rolls out.....now.

2015 Metro's Top 10.5 Movies of the Year

10.5  Creed & Bone Tomahawk-  10.5 is reserved for two movies I have not seen but anticipate them so much I left them off the "Need to See" list.  Make sense??  No??  Whatever.  I do feel based on work of mouth, that they may have the power to unseat the #10 on this list.  Thus 10.5.  Bone Tomahawk is a horror/western starring Kurt Russell against cannibals.  Nuff said.  Creed I will probably see by myself because I hate people seeing me cry.  Rumors of a Sly Stallone Oscar nom may come to fruition.

10.  American Ultra-  I never thought I'd see a film starring Kristen Stewart make one of my Top 10.5 lists but after this movie and her totally coked-out, goth space cadet appearance on this week's Jimmy Fallon Show, I finally fell for her.  Jessie Eisenberg plays Jessie Eisenberg who plays a sleeper cell secret agent who doesn't know he is actually a secret agent and thinks he's just Jessie Eisenberg.  The true highlight is Topher Grace as the hilarious villain who does nothing but act exasperated and complain for the entire running time.  This flew under the radar (as write Max Landis pointed out via a bizarro Twitter rant), but is definitely worth a viewing.

9.  The Gift-  A wickedly mean, original, adult drama with great performances from Jason Bateman, playing against type, and Joel Edgerton, who also wrote and directed the movie.  It is one of those movies that I like to call a Rorschach Test movie, as your mileage may vary. There is a definite sadness to it.  Extremely well-written with an open ended ending.  Seek this one out jerks.

8.  The Visit-  Of course it is easy to hate on M. Night Shyamalan these days after such clunkers like The Happening and the Doff Top in the Water but he really did return to form with this low budget found footage-esque movie about a brother and sister who visit their grandparents and, well, things turn weird.  My one critique is that M. Night (can I call you M. Night?) overwrites the kid's dialogue making them smarter than 99% of kids their age.  There really isn't a "twist", well I guess there is, but this time it feels like a plot development rather than a twist.  Pushes the boundries of PG13.  Okay, now I'm gonna twist one off, yo.

7.  Star Wars:The Force Awakens-  Yeah yeah yeah, I know it's not "cool" to have this on a year end list based on some of the year end lists I've seen so far, but it really did deliver.  I even cried.  Multiple times.  No matter what anybody says, including "Oh, it's just a remake of A New Hope", this was a Star Wars movie inside and out.  It was so nice to see Harrison Ford energetic and engaged again in a role.  The new cast didn't drop the ball and it got me excited for future episodes.  Mission accomplished.

6.  Mad Max:Fury Road-  This is the movie that has fluctuated the most for me throughout the year.  Three minutes ago it was #5.  Maybe I just saw it too many times.  I would not be surprised if I saw it nominated for Best Picture.  Though it does have its flaws, George Miller returns successfully to his Wasteland world like he never left.  Tom Hardy is a decent Max surrogate and the action scenes live up to the hype.  I love how it didn't dumb itself down for the viewer and just plunged them into this world.  One caveat-  I know how everyone is talking about Charlize Theron's performance as Furiousa, but I found it very wooden.  However, this will always hold a special place in my heart as it was the last movie that I watched with my father in the theater.

5.  Sicario-  Months from now we may find this higher on my list (this is the game that moves as you play).  The performances are top-notch across the board.  Emily Blunt balances fragile and strong as the FBI agent dragged into the Mexican cartel drug war.  Benicio Del Toro is equally amazing as....well, you'll have to see the movie to know.  I would assume he would receive a Supporting Actor nomination but the film may have been released a bit too early and may be overshadowed, which would be a crime.  Josh Brolin is acting like he is in a different movie, giving a gonzo performance as the guy in charge; the teflon man.  The cinematography is great courtesy of Roger Deakins and the score is equally amazing.  This is what a movie would look like if Stanley Kubrick directed a Mexican drug cartel movie.

4.  Krampus-  One of, if not my most, favorite movie theater experiences of the year.  This was a hybrid of Gremlins, Christmas Vacation, and You're Next.  David Koechner is comic gold playing the same character that he always does.  I love me a holiday movie that pulls no punches.  The ending was a direct homage to Time Bandits, one of my Top Three movies of all time, in that a boy goes on adventures, wakes up, nope not a dream, but only a dream away.  Cynicism does have its place in entertainment.

3.  The Hateful Eight-  Just starting typing this, I can already hear Ennio Morricone's ominous score in my head.  Tarantino's eighth film delivers.  Is it too long?  Yes.  Is it too talky?  Yes. That being said, it is a Tarantino western (and I would even say horror) movie with an original score by Morricone.  Every performance it at an A-Game level, as expected in a Tarantino ensemble piece, with due emphasis on Walton Goggins and Jennifer Jason Leigh, whose facial expressions; a smile here, a sneer there, show the power of nonverbal communication.  I had a lot of fun with this one, and while it did not reach the emotional peaks of Django Unchained or Inglourious Basterds, I'm still glad movies like this are being made these days.  I wouldn't complain if I got a Tarantino movie under my tree every Xmas day.

2.  Kingsmen:The Secret Service-  Prrrrrrrobably the most fun I had at the movies this year.  I took my parents to see it and my dad bought the DVD the week it came out (never got to watch it).  This is what movies need to be.  Make the movie, fuck the rating.  This is a hard Rated R romp that is the best James Bond movie not featuring James Bond.  Colin Firth plays against type as a total badass secret agent.  Like John Wick last year, this creates a very original world to play around in.  Sam Jackson is hilarious as the Super Villain with a lisp and a fear of blood.  His hentchwoman (there's that concept again) is a total babe with legs made out of blades, and the ending includes anal sex.  How is this not #1??

1.  Ex Machina-  My favorite movie of the year.  My initial review:  Just see it.
A little exposition:  Office dude wins a competition to visit and stay with the evil, but not totally evil, genius and test his A.I. creation.  Off course, everything goes off the rails from there.  Stanley Kubrick is my favorite director, and I miss his vision to this day, but this film, Alex Garland's first, has his cold, yet intelligent sensibility.  Oscar Isaac is brilliant in this as the always drunk "mad scientist" and Alicia Vikander is amazing, sad, hopeful, loving, hateful, scared, smart, and sexy as Ava, the A.I.  I can't recommend this one enough.

Well, now that 2015's list has been completed, I'm about to tear up this fucking dance floor, dude.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, January 2, 2016

The Future of Music



So what do you think? Is it worth putting out an album anymore? Is it worth making a CD or a Tape or transmitting music to consumers in any format other than vinyl or digital? When was the last time you walked into a Best Buy or the like to buy a CD? Vinyl has become the commodity of the fan and the ultimate status symbol amongst artists/musicians. At the independent level, convincing someone to finance your LP/EP/Single to cut to vinyl speaks way more volumes than what festival you played or how many soundcloud shares you have or how much money you made off of selling t-shirts and a spindle of duped CD-R's. There has been a definite resurgence over the the past 5-10 years. So much so that any of the 10 pressing plants in the US have a 3+ month waiting period. So how do you build yourself to by financially solvent from music alone? Especially in a climate that is so convoluted and polluted with any kid with an ipad and a wifi connection. Look at Portland-based label Italians Do It Better. Before the movie "Drive", Johnny Jewel and co. were probably big in Portland but otherwise relatively unknown. He shaped his whole label around the Italo Disco/Neon/Popart aesthetic. His various projects rarely tour or generate any new music other than a single here and there on soundcloud/spotify. He just keeps repackaging the same merchandise with different colors, autographs, etc and intermittently puts them up for sale thus creating a high demand and selling out almost instantaneously at times. Smart. Good for him. The timing was right and he had enough acumen to financially captitalize from it. Is it luck? Is it truly being in the right place at the right time? It often seems so. For all the musicians and artists out there do seldom any become a household name. Think of all the Detroit rappers out there and the only ones that really come to mind are Danny Brown, Eminem, ICP, and J Dilla. I'm sure there are many more that I am not mentioning but I am from the suburbs and am not particularly fond of hip hop. After having a good run of roughly 10 years writing and performing music, The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre was probably the most successful band I have been involved in. We had 1 great year where the sky seemed to be the limit. We gained popularity/notoriety by being truthfully opinionated about the local music scene and those involved in it. At times we targeted bands or individuals and were crass and destructive. People loved it or they hated it. There was no middle ground. Little by little readership and web page visits increased, more and more people came out to shows, and we were selling merchandise at ridiculous prices. We would often perform 2-3 times in a single evening. Local rags, sites, and blogs wanted a piece of us. What were we going to do next? Did our live show live up to the hype? It did and we were for the most part polarizing the local scene. But nothing lasts forever in the cold November rain. Now we play 2 maybe 3 shows per year for fun. In terms of music and where it's heading. I think the concept of an album will eventually die and an artist will be judged on their social media prowess. Tumblr reblogs, bandcamp downloads, facebook shares, memes, etc. All of those things plus rigorous touring and a viral remix are what threw Crystal Castle into the top of the pops. I suppose the trick is to be 1-Step ahead of the hive mind and call what the next big thing is. After that trick, you can help me win the powerball. Look at Grimes, loads of hype and a decent album made her the indie "it girl" for a good 6 months. Then she let pit hair, Molly Soda, her pussy, and hippie feminism overshadow her music and make her fucking abhorrent. On the flip-side, Miley Cyrus took the same conceits and fused them with drug culture and porn to brand herself as totally "up for anything" and interesting from a boner perspective. It is a very interesting time we live in. We are all mind controlled by our iphones and devoid of human interaction with facebook/instagram/tinder. Perhaps the way to make it is create a new genre that is acceptable by all creeds or have that 1-Hit that goes completely viral (Pharell/Gnarls Barkley/Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars). Once you have the fame and clout, then the medium becomes your landscape to do whatever the fuck you want and profit from it (Jack White). Who knows? Who cares? I'm thankful that 2-3 times a year I get to tear up the fucking dance floor.

-jr Born Evil

Friday, December 4, 2015

Top JCM Cover Songs

Metro back with today's list.  Now while JCM has primarily been known as a live band they also have two studio albums (along with a few EP's) all of which are available at the bottom of the page, we also have been known to defer to other established acts (all of which have zero DMA's).  Today's list takes a look at my favorite JCM cover songs during shows.  It took me a day and a half to come up with ten so cut me some slack, Jack.

Top Ten JCM Cover's


10.  Christmas Kicks-  The list starts off with a kind of a stretch in that this was basically a JCM homage/rip off of "Teenage Kicks".  Still, with the holidays approaching I did want to include it on this list.

9.  It's Showtime-  This was quite the popular cover during our early days; the all or nothing days.  Also, our only cover of another local band The Electric Six.  We eliminated this from our set after Dick Valentine refused to sign my photograph copy of his 8X10 at Blowout 2 years ago.

8.  Double Talkin' Jive-  This was an in-song cover during a "Destination Street" breakdown.  I only used it a few times with the best being at some place in Ferndale with two "lifemates" eating up the reference.

7.  So Alive-  This Love and Rockets classic has also made many an appearance during the "Destination Street" breakdown so due to its longevity it makes the list.
For old times sake

6.  You Could Be Mine-  This entry is a bit bittersweet due to the recent death of Velvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland but I had to include it on the list.  Also a "Destination Street" breakdown cover.

5.  The Wyatt Family Theme-  This is near and dear to my heart in that I actually play guitar on it while Goldust-jr handled vocals.  We only performed it once, the night we bronco busted Superbomb to oblivion in the wrestling themed show.
Outside Interference

4.  Hot Head-  This Captain Beefheart cover was also only performed once, the week he passed away.  It was a bittersweet show in that I had to use notes to remember the lyrics and that gave me the confidence to no longer remember the words to our own songs for future shows and just use a notebook.  Better to be safe as milk than sorry.
Flip the scarf

3.  Chatterbox-  This cover of the classic New York Dolls/Johnny Thunders song is -jr's go-to cover during the "X" moment of our shows.  Unfortunately, no footage of it exists, but hopefully one day he will let me play guitar on it.

2.  20th Century Boy-  This is perhaps our most professionally accurate of our cover songs.  The only problem being I only know the first verse and just sing it the entire song.  No footage also.

1.  TV Eye-  Ahhh yes, number one.  There was no other choice than this cover of the seminal Bootsey X classic "TV EYE".  Like most professionals, you go out on your back looking at the lights just like Undertaker at Wrestlemania XXX (yet...not retired yet), so I defer the number one slot to this cover, which is normally sung by our Asian bass player Wang.  On the occasions where Wang is not available (or forgets about) a show I do the vocals.  As with the number 2 selection I just know the first verse.  I will include the footage from the original recording as our version is only available on dvd which can be purchased via this website.
Bootsey Sandow

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, December 3, 2015

December Lists...and so it Begins

Hey slurries, Metro here.  A year or so ago in December I did a list a day gimmick here and it was met with decent fanfare so I will attempt to do it again this December because there are absolutely zero local blogs with any type of entertaining content.  Now, I know I am getting a late start because its already Dec. 3/4 so I will try to kick out the content and give some sort of entertainment to you fuckers.  I usually only post on weekdays so don't get greedo and I'm skipping Dec. 1st because in true JCM fashion, we're always late.
Dec. 2nd-  Top 10 JCM Tracks

I would think it would be fitting if we started out 2015's lists with an ode to us.  So here I list my favorite JCM tracks over our 8 year history.  You can find any number of these hits online and if you can't.....our apologies.

Back in 2007 everybody in the local scene said that we'd be gone by the end of the year.  So now, in our retirement year, on our terms, let me give you my favorite songs from us..... (Once again, all of the Metro JCM lists are of my opinion and that can change from day to day.)

10.  Economy-  The one that started it all.  Had a great time filming the video even though the guy we had shooting it had no comprehension of shooting a video.  Still, it was our first song, and it was nice seeing the old apartment.  Flame away.

9.  Fat Mary-  Unfortunately this has not seen the live stage or Youtube as it was an EP exclusive.  You might be able to find it on our shop site/ black Friday/ Fat Mary, but it is one of our most melodic songs.....about a fat girl that gave decent head.

8.  Milky White-  A personal favorite that was savaged on the local blogs that have since passed on as an Electric Six copy.  Maybe it was, Maybe it was me trying to stretch my artistic dream.

7.  Sonic Egyptian-  One of the originals from our debut album.  Trivia-  I couldn't sing "An exotic egyptian" in time so we removed a syllable and changed it to Sonic.


6.  Scatter Lee-  -jr's signature song.  It's been with us since almost the beginning.

5.  End of the World-  This song represented  my most drug addled portion of the band.  I had zero input from music to words.  Nominated for a Detroit Music Award.  Muahahahahha

4.  Destination Street-  The only song in our catalogue that has been written by Asian Bass Player Wang.Has been in every show.  Yet no Youtube clips :(

3.  Vampires-  My favorite song I've wrote.  Its like a Bret Ellis novel turned to song

2.  Never Never Land-  Though not written by me, my favorite song to perform.

1.  1970's High Octane Death Race.-  Second best song I wrote but probably our best.  Dig it.


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Retirement Tour/List Party/Final Show of 2015

Metro here updating via phone and don't care that I have zero control over the font. However, I wanted to let everybody know that the JCM retirement tour continues on 12/27 at the New Way and that starting Dec. 1st I will be bringing back the December list gimmick. There is a time when you realize there isn't much left. Let's have fun From the Iceman Commeth Bryan Metro

Jukebox

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