Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Rest in Power- Metro's Dad

Hey scrubs,

It's been a while since a JCM blog update and Metro is checking in.  So on July 29th, my pops passed away.  Yeah, it kind of sucks, and I'm probably gonna do a stream of consciousness thing.

If you like my posts then you can thank my dad.
If you don't like my posts you can thank my dad.

My dad encouraged me to be myself and not compromise to anybody.  He was an old school union guy who rolled his eyes at the establishment. He never babied me and always encouraged me to try my hardest in every aspect of my life (well maybe not the JCM writing part).

My dad took me to Wrestlemania 3 at the Pontiac Silverdome (and let me skip 4th grade the next day) and I took him to Wrestlemania 23 to come full circle.  He really enjoyed going to the Indy wrestling shows with me and Kentucky Pete.  The last picture of us has him so very happy after acquiring a Samoa Joe action figure at a vendor stand.

Without a doubt, he made me what I am today and I will forever be thankful for everything he did for me.

Which brings me to the lineup of the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest.......
I almost fell asleep reading the set lists....
I'm stunned.....Six & the Sevens, Cosmic Light Shapes!!!!!!! Breaking the box office!  How did they get on this bill??? I'm baffled.
And then the headliner....Tunde Oileftitunderthebed.  Yesssss...This is Hamtramck.  Knocking it out of the park. Same same same same same hanger on's same zzzzzzzz

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, July 25, 2015

-jr goes and sees the eagles at the joe

I parked in Greektown to step out into a sea of cripples, vagrants, and malnourished children. All were begging or selling candy. I never carry cash (black card) so I made my way into the Old Shillelagh for a beer and a shot. After I juiced up, I perused the menu. The waitress pointed to a burger stating that, "It's the best burger in Wayne County." It was called a Scottish Burger (in an Irish pub no less) and it signified that it included bacon with an earmarked picture of porkpie Sadie next to it. It was not the best burger in Wayne County. After another beer, I hopped on the shuttle bus and listened to half of Dark Side of the Moon whilst caught up in Detroit traffic. When I entered the arena, I immediately sprayed piss all over the stalls in the bathroom. The show didn't start until 8:00 so I had plenty of time to price out WWE Live Summerslam Heatwave tickets, $255 for the main floor. I was not drunk enough to buy them. The Eagles put on a solid show and played all the hits. They even played some Joe Walsh solo stuff and James Gang stuff. It took 45 minutes to get out of shit city due to the stupid fucking light rail construction. When I got home and stripped for bed, I didn't see the cat laying in my bed. I laid down and the noise that proceeded woke up the whole neighborhood. You just can't win.

Born Evil

Sunday, July 19, 2015


Behold the case of kings. Time to play the game. 

Born evil

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Good Riddance

Well word has it that The Undertaker is coming back this week to set up a match at Summerslam, which in turn will lead to his retirement tour/victory lap culminating at next year's Wrestlemania and we here at the JCM HQ tend to base our movements off of the Deadman's wrestling schedule are quite excited, and quite annoyed by this development because now we have to get back to writing for this blog.

So, Metro checking in here and I scoured the internet for local events to cover:

-No real big festivals. I guess the MC5 had an anniversary event in Lincoln Park that no other local sites covered (are there any local sites anymore?).  Word is John Sinclair didn't show to testify because of the lack of underage pussy.

- Still working on my Blowout coverage.  Sorry.

- Found out that Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. officially changed their name to JR JR.  Here's the absolutely ridiculous article Here

So these two twerps were perfectly okay with using an established person's name as a means for search engine hits yet site the reason to change it as "confusion", "dying relatives". Oh fucking spare me.  These tools have been handed everything to them and have whiffed at it all. These fuckwads get a record deal ( hold the phone, not as cool as it sounds), do zero business, whiff at a 3-2 count (should've picked Ken Griffey Jr Jr), and now are changing their name???!!  Kids, fire your manager.

Just another of a long line of overhyped bands that failed to deliver after a nice little "push" from the record industry.  Maybe they can share a bill with Tally Hall at next year's Blowout.

On a side note we should be changing our name to -jr -jr very soon.

Follow the Iceman,
Bryan Metro

Friday, June 19, 2015

The Complete and Utter Idiocy that is Michael Mars and The Satanic Temple

The other day Michael posted this on Facebook:

"My friends, family and followers. I'm very happy announce that The Satanic Temple's controversial Baphomet Monument Statue will be unveiled in Detroit July 25th, 2015, before her main journey to Oklahoma's State Capital building. Where once planted, it shall forever stay to remind us all of the great importance of the separation of church and state. Give Many Snakes!!! For it shall soon be here for you all to see and enjoy. Though be sparring if you can. It may take a few extra to slither it here safely...."

How is posting a religious effigy at a state capital building stressing the separation of church and state? Completely fucking stupid. It just screams, "Look at me, I need attention!!". To me, this is a pussified version of the Westboro Baptists. Maybe it's just an excuse to throw a party and be all gothed out. I guess there comes a point for some people when the dress up and the party stops or is limited to only once or twice a year. For others it never stops, and they never progress upwards in life (Marcie).

When they did this 6 months ago in Michigan, they received a few write ups by Fox, NBC, and Mlive. After that, nothing except for the occasional party in Eastern Market so they could circle jerk each other while listening to witch house or bands with v's subbed in the name where vowels go. I suppose this is what happens to the picked on kids from high school that didn't follow the stereotype of becoming rich and wealthy executives. The other side of the coin. The starvation for attention. Pathetic and sad. I wish daddy would have played catch with them more. Just so so fucking dumb.

Born Evil

Monday, June 15, 2015

size 12 update

Hip in Detroit now has clothing for sale here: http://hipindetroit.bigcartel.com/

Unfortunately, all sizes are only size 12 or xxxl and all the shirts have slop stains on them so.....buyer beware.

Born Evil

Sunday, May 31, 2015

JCM Elimination Chamber Coverage

Hey-O, Metro here.  I unfortunately did not have enough (Pete) Gas to visit -jr at his compound so we will be covering it remotely via the internet.  I am not sure if he will be posting a separate feed/revue, or will be editing on this one so keep checking back throughout the night for the full revue #hits.

Metro's pre-show take:  After downloading some porn, I realized that I left a bag of peanuts in my office and because of the humidity the entire office smells like an unwashed ass.  Heading out to the liquor store to buy a six pack along with a car air freshener.  Don't want to miss Miz TV featuring Daniel Bryan (who will most likely just plug his upcoming dvd).

-Back from the store.  I have included a rare pic of my dinner tonight (and no my choice of the generic Prime Time popcorn is not a change in predictions for the Chamber tag match.  Still going with New Day.  I'm just cheap).  Hopefully this concoction will result in my heart exploding so I can avoid Monday.
-Zack Ryder bonus match.  The popcorn is absolutely terrible.  Stardust is the opponent.  I predict a Stardust win since he's fighting the dude from Arrow at Summerslam.  Stardust wins a surprisingly competitive match.  Ryder has had a good showing the past 2 weeks vs. Cena and a ppv kickoff match.  Expect him to be released Metro-style within the month.

-Rusev officially out for the IC chamber match.  A mystery member will be announced.  Cue "Deppp"

-Just received word from -jr that he will be live updating the Facebook page and I will handle Lavender.  Get ur fill pigs...

-Lana in the social media room.  Waiting for the Wrestlemania triple threat between Lana, Ruiners chick and Darling Imperial for the "Tease of the Year" title belt.

-Rare pic of Lana doffed.

-Summer Rae has an unattractive face

-Crowd shots show Daniel Bryan not nearly as over as he used to be.  Miz is a natural heel and should just be a manager from here on out.  Axel as Hogan is actually kinda funny.  Macho Mandow has yet to hit the top rope elbow.  Also, Daniel Bryan with Axel, and Sandow in a ppv pre-show.  How the mighty have fallen

-Roman heel turn high alert......orange level!!

-I hope somebody finally uses the Metro technique during a Chamber match and stays on top of a pod the entire time.
-Okay constant readers the official ppv starts now.  Stay tuned for live blogging and visit our FB page https://www.facebook.com/thejesuschainsawmassacre?ref=hl for live coverage from me and -jr.  I will be covering here and -jr on the FB/twitter feed.  No Bug updates for the next 3 hours.

-Match 1:  The Tag Team Chamber match-  New Day vs. Demolition vs. Prime Tyme Players vs. Lucha Dragons vs. Los Matadores vs. Cesaro/Kidd: If I were Titus I'd be worried about being locked in a pod with Darren Young #homophobia.  The midget is on top of a pod.  Hope he gets speared through the fence.
This may be match of the night..
Road Warriors and Lucha's starting the match. Expect a quick Powers of Pain elimination.
Cesaro and Kidd up next.
Los Matadores next.  Cesaro is a beast.  Why are other teams breaking up pin attempts???
Lol the midget got pitched!!!!!
Wow....Ascension is cleaning up here.  Los Mexicans and Lucha Mexicans are both out!!
Prime Tyme Players out next.  No real big spots yet.Playas went nuts.  Ascension have been eliminated.
New Day out last.Cesaro/Kidd eliminated.  Meh.  Its down to New Day and Prime Time Players. Titus O'Neil finally getting a chance to be a beast.  He'll probably take the fall.
New Day wins the match.  Titus takes the fall with all 3 on top for the pin. 3/5 stars.  Could have been better.  Lucha Dragons were non-existant.

-Match 2:Nikki Bella vs. Naomi vs. (my girl) Paige-  Surprised this is on this early.  Paige looks stoned.
JCM bass player Wang is the referee for this matchup.
Botch spot.  Nikki audibly yells "fuck".  Paige may have just broken her neck.  Nikki Bella wins and retains the title.

-Match 3: John Cena vs. Kevin Owens:  Here we go.  The titles aren't up for grabs so what happens??  This one is tough to call.  I stand by my prediction of a flukey ending.
I think Kevin Owens parked my car last time I went to St. Andrews.
I'd crack up if one time Cena held up his Never Give Up towel and it was covered in cu.
Owens better be mindful of the ring mic.  That shoulder block call was audible.
Not impressed with Owens thus far.He looks like a mid carder from the indy show at the Downriver Rec center.  Same could be said about Punk and Rollins but has yet to impress.
Cena just kicked out of his finisher.  Not ready for prime time.
Call me wrong.  Owens with a sick missed moonsault.  He may kill himself one day with that.  Picking up.
Match has won me over.Into awesome territory.  Top rope suplex for the win.
Kevin Owens with the win after a 2nd pop up powerbomb.  Cena losing clean to somebody for their first match. And heeling it up on the mic.  Won me over.  Innovative, sick offense.

-Match 4:  Bo Dallas vs. Neville:  Obvious comedown match is a comedown match.Also, how is there a ppv without Orton, Reigns, and Wyatt fighting??
Bo needs to fire his conditioning coach.
Garbage match that I went to make bacon.  Neville did himself no main roster favors with a poor showing on a ppv.  Neville wins, but after Owens' debut ultimately loses.

-Match 5:  IC Title Chamber match- Sheamus vs. Ryback vs. Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. King Barrett vs. ????-
Backstage segment saw Reigns banned from ringside for the main event. Hmmmm
Mark Henry the replacement.  Eh...
R-Truth:"Thank god I don't have to start this thing."
Ziggler/Barrett to start.  Basic action so far.
R-Truth in next.  This might not be a good match.....Crowd is dead.
Mark Henry in next by accident following a pod botch. Ryback in next.  Henry's pod is still in play so look for Sheamus to get extra rest before coming in last for the win. Zzzzzzzzz
Barrett just got pinned by Truth.  Lolwut
Sheamus' pod is stuck.  Painfully obvious who will win this.  May be the worst match of the year.
Truth eliminated by Ryback.  Paint by numbers
Henry eliminated by Sheamus.  The crowd has tuned out.  This is embarrassing.
Ziggler eliminated by Sheamus.  Down to Ryback/Sheamus.  This is boring.  This should be an Elimination chamber to see who gets cut to make room for NXT guys.
Announcers have given up on the match.  And with that, Ryback win the IC title. Next
The Money in theBank field looks like a snore
Ziggler, Reigns, Orton, Kofi, Sheamus zzzzzzzzzz

-Match 6:  Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose-  Will be a tall order to get the crowd back into it....
Crowd woke up.  Solid yet unspectacular so far
This feels like a Raw main event and not a ppv.
Cue Dusty finis.
Ambrose wins by DQ as everybody rushes to cancel Network subscription by midnight.

This concludes our coverage.  Doff it,
Bryan Metro

Friday, May 29, 2015

Bryan Metro's Elimination Champer PPV Predictions

Since -jr posted his predictions earlier this week, I think it would be only fair to do a list of my own for our constant readers...

But first, I want to go out of my way to thank everybody who organized, worked, played, and helped at last weekend's New Fortune Fest 2.  The JCM has been around since 2007 and I can't remember a better a better organized event.  The bands got paid, the bands were also making money selling their merch; all day long, one day, one venue.  And the thing that hit me the most was that I saw actual non-band related people paying to get in and everybody seemed to have fun.  The bands that I saw were actually pretty good, though they did skew older, but this show really didn't need a George Morris-type to stink it up.  My only gripe if the Ruiners chick didn't doff the top.  Oh and despite only two members of JCM showing up, we were pretty good. Duhhhhh

Metro's Elimination Chamber Picks

Nikki Bella (ch.) vs. Naomi vs. Paige-  This triple threat match is for the Diva's Championship.  Naomi has been on a roll and Paige is just returning but I don't really see a title change in this one.  Nikki is very close to AJ Lee's Diva's record and they probably want to see that broken.  Look for Nikki to retain ultimately pinning Naomi.

Neville vs. Bo Dallas-  This seems like a placeholder feud for Neville and a paycheck for Bo Dallas (who is rumored to go full Wyatt soon).  I think that Vince McMahon doesn't have a whole lot of interest in either competitor but Neville is the newer of the two and will probably be going over.  They can have a good match as shown in NXT but I don't think they'll be given the time to do so.

Tag Team Championship Elimination Chamber match-  The New Day (ch.) vs. Lucha Dragons vs. Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. Prime Time Players vs. The Ascension vs Los Matadores-  This may be the match of the night given the talent involved.  I think much will be made of all three members of the New Day in a pod at the same time, and they probably won't come out till the end.  Expect strong showings from Lucha Dragons and Kidd/Cesaro and at least one beast spot from the criminally underutilized Titus O'Neil. I hope the midget Matador gets launched from the top of the cage.  I expect New Day to retain.  They are actually now over as heels and will build to a match with Lucha Dragons at Summerslam.

Intercontinental Championship Elimination Chamber match- Sheamus vs. Rusev (?) vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback vs. King Barrett vs. R-Truth-  I was going to pick Rusev but his status is in question due to him blowing out his ankle on Smackdown this past week.  He could still work the show and enter last and win but he may also be replaced by Bray Wyatt. Barrett just won King of the Ring so he won't be going over here.  I am going to pick the lame choice of Sheamus.  Expect a strong (but brief) showing from Ryback.

John Cena vs. Kevin Owens-  The US Open Challenge on Raw has been the highlight for the past few weeks with Cena giving the rub to a lot of newcomers (much as Kurt Angle did for Cena) so I don't see that ending.  However, this is a non-title match for both belts so Cena could lose and keep the belt, but that would diminish his reign.  But Owens has been money on NXT and has a feud with Samoa Joe ready made (which probably would be better than anything on the main roster) so he can't take a loss.  Expect a flukey DQ finish with Owens standing tall at the end.

Seth Rollins (ch.) vs. Dean Ambrose- Checked the Vegas odds for this one and Rollins has the highest odds of winning in 2015.  The wild card here is the fact that Roman Reigns and Randy Orton are not advertised for this show but both could appear.  I am picking Rollins to win via help which would allow Ambrose (arguably the hottest babyface in the organization) to compete and win the Money in the Bank briefcase in 2.5 weeks. 

On a side note, I think Roman Reigns would be the funniest Money in the Bank briefcase winner in history.  Week after week, entering the ring through the crowd as the champ runs backstage.

K Den,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, May 28, 2015

-jr's Elimination Chamber Predictions

As we all know WWE revitalized the Elimination Chamber PPV for the month of May because WWE Network is free for new subscribers. Obviously, Payback was a bit of a drag so why not rebirth a PPV that was nixed a few years back.

The first match is a triple threat for the WWE Divas Title between Paige, Brie Bella, and Naomi. I hope Paige wins because she is Metro's best friend (I have photo proof). However, the smart money is on Brie Bella retaining. Her win will probably be due to a disqualification by Naomi for her hentch-woman, Tamina Snuka, interfering.

Next up is Neville vs. Bo Dallas. This feud seems a bit rushed. Bo Dallas has recently returned following a foot injury. Neville has had a tremendous push since he moved up from NXT and will easily beat Bo. If they want to stretch this storyline out for another month, watch for Bo to beat the shit out of Neville after the match and do a victory lap.

The Intercontinental Championship 6-Man Elimination Chamber Match is a bit tough to predict. There are so many intertwined feuds between Sheamus, Ziggler, and Rusev. R-Truth is a life long jobber so he's out. Ryback has a broken rib so he's out. Rusev get my pick due to the fact that he has had pitch perfect booking from day one. Having him move up the card from US Champ to IC Champ would get him that much closer to main eventing.

The Tag Team Championship 6-Tag Team Elimination Chamber is a new match never done before. I expect the New Day to retain. They have gained more and more momentum since they were crowned heel champs. I can't wait to see what kind of spots Cesaro & Kidd and the Lucha Dragons pull. I just hope the match isn't a 6-minute phone in like the 10 on 3 handicap match on Monday's Raw.

Cena vs. Owens for the United States Championship. John Cena will retain. Anything else just doesn't makes sense. You need one face champ in the company. Kevin Owens has a budding feud with #samoajoe #doff on NXT. It is interesting to have Kevin Owens make the transition so early to WWE. I guess he's just that red hot on NXT right now?

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE Worl Championship. Unless the announce tonight or on Sunday that this match is a no-dq match, Rollins will retain by DQ due to interference by Kane and J&J Security. Hopefully there is a bad ass match beforehand. If Dean Ambrose doesn't qualify as the next Stone Cold, i don't know who does. Hopefully WWE Creative doesn't subdue his antics like they subdue every fucking other thing on the show.

Born Evil

Friday, May 22, 2015

Bryan Metro's Top Ten Mel Gibson Movie List

As requested in the comments from a previous post, one of my nameless, faithful readers requested that I do a Top 10 list of my favorite Mel Gibson movies, so I stewed about it for a bit, jotted down some notes, burned a few books, and beat up my girlfriend (verbally) and have compiled my list.  As always, these are my favorite choices, and may or may not be the best choices.  As always, go start your own blog (or feel free to comment below!!).

Metro's Top Ten Mel Gibson Movies

10. Expendables 3/Machete 2-  Mel's late career foray into cheese/grindhouse has been hit or miss but he was the best thing about Expendables 3 especially with this scene and the fact that he played a Bond villain with a Star Wars fetish in Machete 2 is a-ok by me.

9.  Lethal Weapon 3-  The "least fun" of the Lethal Weapon movies thanks in part to that ill-advised Boyz 2 Men funeral scene where none of the cast seemed to want to be there.  However, it is a Lethal Weapon movie and that stuff counts.  Plus, who hasn't ever eaten a dog biscuit with their pup before?

8.  Lethal Weapon 4-  Much more "fun" than part 3 probably since they went into it without a script and improv'd most of the movie.  Also, introduced Jet Li to American audiences and introduced the franchise team as family concept that Vin Diesel and the Furious franchise has been trying to crib ever since.  Plus, the final fight between Gibson and Glover 2 on 1 vs. Li.  Yep.  Badass.

7.  Payback-  An underrated revenge/noir non-franchise badass role.  Plus Lucy Liu as a dominatrix.

6.  Mad Max-  The one that started it all.  Amazing low budget, bleak, and featuring a young Mel.  If you haven't seen this, you are probably gay (and waiting for next week's Top Ten Nathan Lane movie's list, nothing wrong with that tho).

5.  Conspiracy Theory-  Truth be told, I have not actually have seen this movie.  However, I have seen the following clip way too many times (most of which at work).  So if you take anything away from this post....watch this clip....

4.  Lethal Weapon 1-  One of my favorite Christmas movies, Busey at his peak, and Mel mimicking the Three Stooges at a drug bust.  Opening scene, model babe doing coke and jumping off a high rise set to XMas music, "Go spit!", suicide intervention where the cop is more suicidal than the patient..  I can go on...

3.  Braveheart-  Good movie.  Falls into my category of "I only need to see it once" with Big Fish and a few others.  Oscars all around.  Like I said, I only saw it one time.  And I fapped to Catherine McCormack.

2.  The Road Warrior-  If you haven't seen it well....okay, go see it.  One of the best action movies of all time.  So proud that the Feral Kid grew up to play in our band as The Indian.

1.  Lethal Weapon 2-  It was a tight race between Road Warrior and Weapon 2 and like I said at the beginning these were my fav's not the "bests" and Road Warrior is probably the better movie but Lethal Weapon 2 has a place near and dear to my heart.  It is the most "fun" out of the Lethal Weapon series, despite some choppy third act editing where Mel's character was supposed to be killed off.  Thankfully, that didn't happen. I picked this over Road Warrior because of age; you gravitate to films you can see first-hand. Gibson tormenting the South African politicians during their every day activities remains a favorite (and something some people should be ready for)  And the reaction of Mel after taking out the house with the stilts remains my favorite exhilarating reaction in movies.

So yeah, thanks to the troll who requested the Mel Gibson movie list.  I had a really fun time writing and compiling it.  See everybody Sunday at the New Fortune Fest (we go on at 5:30 but sets all day long).

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


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