Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Happy New (Dodge) Year!!!!

Hey all Metro here.  Okay, cut the shit, can somebody please confirm what the hell happened at the New Dodge in Hamtramck, MI this past weekend???  I, for one, do not know or have a take on it, but it is not for lack of trying.  There are reports of racist comments, walk outs, bad hip hop, and wasted shushies.  I am still trying to digest everything so this post may seem like a skeleton and scattershot till the next one that you know is coming. Maybe this post is too soon before all the facts come out, but lets be real, when has that ever stopped the best local journalist in Detroit (or anyone in media these days)?  Lets start with one of the initial posts....

Now, full disclosure, this Rachel is associated with those party animals at Seraphine Collective, who are notorious for trying to get places/shows shut down because it is the only way they can cum.  Okay okay okay, that was unnecessary but a little bit true.  Let's just say it makes them happy. However, this group of losers holds no credibility with me because they never offer any proof which I have proven in previous posts. All of it is always a frustrating he said/she said.  Plus I like the opportunity to make fun of them.

Whoa whoa whoa, now don't get ahead of yourselves.  I am not defending New Dodge in any way, and I am not saying this incident didn't happen; not a prediction, but a spoiler: It probably did.  What I am focused on is the online reaction and the fallout.  Did it? Did it not? Is there a history of this type of stuff? Can anybody better themselves/learn from it? Who cares.  That's all too positive. Like with today, it doesn't matter because if you believe something you see online then nobody is going to change your mind.  And if somebody comes close then they just get blocked.

From what I gather, an incident occurred at the end of the night during a hip hop show this past weekend.  Words were exchanged, slushes confiscated, racial slurs a possibility, etc.  Because I am the rare bird who looks into both sides of the story, here are some of the public comments:

Cute...keeping your rage to yourself.  Mmmmhmmm, k den especially when you work at a competing venue.  And is this the same Andy Bonaventura who practically lived at the New Dodge?  Just askin'.

Full disclosure: Michelle Birawer is an employee of Trixies, who naturally competes for clientele. I spoke with a member of a local band who said she bullied them just this month using gender tropes.  Of course I have to keep this anonymous because anytime this hive mind comes across a target they try to ruin their life.  Even if my source said I could use their name I wouldn't have because of kindness. I, Bryan Metro, will be happy to go on record saying that Michelle B. is a stereotype bitch. Lindsay Loo seems to be the wife of the guy whose slush was grabbed.

Next up we have a vid of the last song of the night courtesy of Son of Andy, or Drew Stanczak.  This actually pisses me off the most because their act was all A-Okay/hunky dory before the song, during the "song", but then waited until after the show to start bitching. Look at this (but skip the first half because its pretty bad local hip hop):  Bad Hip Hop
And here is the GF

I can't stop laughing. "I don't know what happened but..." always a popular laugh. "Get Mike out safely".  So was there any threat of danger? Is that insinuating there could have been danger? If there was danger….okay I'll just stop.

As for "staging a walk out"  It was the last song of the night.  People were leaving anyway.  Hahahahaha.  What a doofus.  To be honest, based on the set I saw they should have left 30 minutes prior.  Much better for the cause and could have avoided all of this.  But back to what pisses me off is that this douche did his entire set yet waited until it was over to whine. Anybody who knows me knows that it any venue owner calls somebody who came out to support us a nigger, spic, Arab, dyke, or anything else I would have got on the mic and shut that shit down asap. Instead, this tool, Drew, goes through his shitty song like everything is absolutely lovely, and once its done goes into his rant.  Fuck this guy.  Pussy.  Stand up when it matters.  Its not like you got a memo during the song.  You knew all along.  What a hypocrite.  The best part remains....the show was over and everybody was leaving anyway hahahahahahaha.

So predictable because, yes, the incidents were related hahahahahahahaha

I apologize because this is less becoming part of the potential incident and more about me complaining about a guy....a white guy with a mic with the platform to say something.....anything regarding anything, something anything.  But wait....we always have social media....

Lol, after shoehorning in his last song. Dude didn't do anything yet is trying to milk it. What a nobody.
What a ponce.

And now we come to this, and you knew this was coming:  The first annual Hamtramck Music Festival Controversy of the year 2019:

I would love to see the internal messages going on right now, or in 45 minutes.

Once again, I am not throwing shade at any side, but just posting public posts. I am of the mentality that the goal should be people learning from their mistakes, not losing their jobs or businesses.  I am also not calling for any side to take a side as I am still getting details.  Until then, I have come up with a fun game to keep everybody occupied: Anytime you call for a boycott on something you have to provide an alternative. That way the next wave can have something to focus on.

This post is less about the possible incident (which shouldn't be discounted), but more about how people react online in 2018/19.  If and when I get more info I will post.  Until then, lets all meditate and picture the Hamtramck Music Fest huddled around a fire pit, muttering, "Not again".  Beloved local enclave indeed. Sigh. Racism should not be tolerated in any form and despite what some say, there are multiple forms. Blind internet acceptance should not be tolerated either.  Full circle, I don't know what happened there and am always up for a personal, off the record, testimonial.  Until then lets stick with Hamtramck Cannibalizes Harder. And Drew is such a puss mist.

But really, what in the fuck is going on in Hamtramck?  Venues savaged, rape, allegations of fraud, New Dodge owner running for mayor, the school system, Mrs. Walters, the drug trafficking, Kelly's firing Dear Darkness girl from booking/not even sure if Jimmy Doom still works there, and that's even before we get into the housing/real estate element which I have been monitoring.  Lots of places being bought up and flipped for big bills. If only there was a local journalist with balls to cover all of it.  Well, until tomorrow!

*Update-  Here we gooooooo.  Yep, everything was "pre-planned"

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, January 18, 2019

Good Deed of the Week Pt. 2- A Real Horrorshow

Hey all Metro here,
Had to dance around my words for this post. Soooooo lets roll.
One of my least favorite people, Chicago's Abby "the fish" Ropp has spent the past week campaigning for a GoFundMe for a single mother and her sick child. This is in between attacking local establishments and people including posting their work information trying to get people fired, and possibly end up homeless....yeh, makes sense.. I have not found out yet whether she even knows this person, but their situation seems to be dire.  Since Abby's posts have only 13 shares on Facebook (sad), and this being 2019, and me turning a new leaf, and trying to be positive, I have decided to use this post today to get the word out to the thousands of Constant Readers.  Here is the link to the GoFundMe along with her harrowing story:  Homeless Mother/Sick Child

Yikes.  Heavy, terrible stuff. I had to reread the mission statement multiple times to digest all of the terrible things that happened. I almost set up a GoFundMe to help track down the father even, but that would have been a waste of money. Full disclosure:  I do not know this person nor can confirm any of the details in the mission statement.  However, if you have a few extra dollars you may want to toss them their way, then do it. I'll let Abby talk down, I mean talk to you.

I do have to say, the geriatric cat comment, along with making it about white people, rubbed me the wrong way, but we'll just discard that as me being in the moment.  I am disappointed that in Fish Face Abby's litany of guilt, she conveniently left out sending money to Asia and her friend with the lazy fake name for a glorified vacation in Albany this weekend.  Keep in mind those nitwits won't do anything for their cause and that money could have went to Shanae instead.

 Also, where is Chanel Kincaid, the goof who quit her job and set up a GoFundMe because she....quit her job?  Full disclosure, I am blocked from GoFundMe because of questioning these issues.  So if I need a new tire I'm fucked!  Nahhhh, nothing to see here.  According to the GoFundMe and Abby's posts, Shanae is homeless with a sick child. I tried to verify where they actually are, especially with the arctic blast coming soon.  I found California and Oregon. Mildly random pairing. If you prefer to stay away from GoFundMe, the homeless mother with a sick child has a Paypal along with a CashMe set up here if you wish to donate that way:
Paypal- SteazzeByBreezzeeBy1    (not a typo)
CashMe- GoingTHRUalot

As I stated earlier, it is up to you where your money goes, especially with times being tight, so if this is a cause that appeals to you, then please give! I'm not saying do or don't, I am just giving the option along with a bit of information. I also want to point out that there are cases like this in every city, every state.  It is very depressing, so if there is one close to you, then by all means Give. My advocate is very active in giving to the unfortunate (me included), including keeping track of the "train kids" (which bores me) along with being on a first name basis with several squatters in District Detroit.  I'm not going to turn this blog into a "cause of the week" type deal, but when I see something that interests me I will post on it.

Okay enough downers, here are the weekend NFL picks:
New England over Kansas City
New Orleans over LA Rams

Hope you win a bunch of money. These CashMe's aren't going to feed themselves!

Finally, if you don't feel like giving to the potential unfortunate, the Hamtramck Music Festival has extended their $10 wristband offer to January 31st because they really haven't sold a lot of them and need to milk it a little bit longer.  After Jan. 31st the price goes up to $15 which means not a single wristband will be bought in the month of February. Not a prediction, but a spoiler. Also, what happened to the band announcements on Jan. 14 as promised.  Fucking idiots. "Called it". Jesus Christ, what kind of business paradigm is this hahahahahah?

Also they yanked their full band list for the time being.  What's up with that?  It will be very interesting to compare the original list I posted here and the new one.  While looking for the list I came across this post from December that even I missed.  Bwahahahahahahahahaha

Also....I would like to know about what the fuck just happened.  I know who I am.  bryanmetro1@hotmail.com

From the Iceman Commeth
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Metro's Good Deed of the Week

Hey all, Metro here,
Now I have had some fun poking fun the past few months at some people but I have come across something that is inexcusable. An editorial piece regarding the treatment of women of color written by Asia Mock/Logan Sade that was supposed to come out months ago, but was promised to be "edited and published" in January has officially been zapped.  Its not happening.  I have yet to receive any details as to why although everybody has the right to guess. Since details are scarce I will just let her explain:


Yikes, so I guess everybody is to blame for her article being pulled except for the writer.  Yepp, makes sense.  Of course she uses the rant to drag every race and gender through the mud except for her. Keep in mind her Albany vacation was funded by 95% white, sorry yt, people. Once again, not good enough. Of course she could have published her well-researched op-ed on her Facebook, but her primary account is blocked due to hate speech. She is on record saying she is 1000% who did it.

But wait! Is she wrong? Is that another "alias"? ZZZZZZZ

And then this exchange from the newest member of Midwest Mensa Nicole Waddington:

Nicole, let me preface this (google it) by saying don't even bother. All I do is post public posts on a public blog with tastes of opinion. Nothing wrong there right?

Liz, what is your opinion of a mom (Asia) being stopped and charged with drunk driving with their kid in the car?  Asking for me.

Finally she did an ill-advised Facebook Live where she did her typical whining but also referenced me and her efforts to repost a 2 year old Steve Harvey Oswald post with my name and some lame high school pictures. What would be the point of that? Everybody knows my name and where I went to school and what I look like. Kudos to the Steve Harvey Oswald band for not falling for this, and I apologize that you are being called out on social media for being white. Sorry, you can't be "allies". I understand we probably will never be allies, but good lord, anybody this idea of anybody who disagrees agree isn't an ally, and anybody who does isn't either because they don't fit a demographic.  GET THIS PERSON SOME HELP!!!

And then there's this. Totally false.  And done-zo

Okay, lets get to the point of this post. Asia has spent over 3 months writing an editorial about the plight of black women in Detroit, and had an editor, and a publisher (according to an anonymous commenter).  This project fell through for reasons lost to time.  I am offering an olive branch to her, and will publish the full piece on this blog which has over a thousand Constant Readers. She could easily post it on her non-banned FB for 200-some friends and a few shares, but this is the reach I think it needs.  I have no idea why her original poster/editor dropped out, but I am 100% open to posting it here as an effort of solidarity.  I think the public deserves to see the words that she put to paper, and we can begin the process of repair in our society.  The offer stands, and people want to see what is to be said. I will post it here without any editing, and if on request, will even disable the comments for the post, so really there are no more excuses. Everyone's voices should be heard, and that is where I come in to play. E-mail the editorial to bryanmetro1@hotmail.com and I will have it up anytime you want.
Until then, I will have to take the stance of, "I called it".
Its a new year so lets try to be positive!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, January 14, 2019

2019 Hamtramck Music Fest Preview Preview + NFL Picks

** Update Update-  My assistant Richard was able to remove some of the filters from the photos from the Bowie night at the JCM approved Senate Theater.  During the panel session he was able to reveal the strings used to puppet the preserved corpse of Ricky Rat.  You can see that a few are being run by the crew in the rafters, but also it looks like Sterling is operating one as well.  Very interesting don't ya think?  However no amount of filter removal can change the fact that Natty Zoe on the right is a total pass.

*Update- Everybody's favorite derelict Asia Mock went on a tirade today about R Kelly (her pet project the past few weeks because she watches tv and doesn't follow news since 2002). Now she's ranting that white women (a demographic she clearly hates) yet there are quite a few like Charlie Cartier, Cheating Sara Essburerbuger Smith, Natty Zoe V. (technically Hispanic, but with this group, that doesn't mean shit) among others who worship at her feet).  In a nutshell they are all idiots.  Idiot Asia posted more ill-advised FB live videos today addressing this pressing issue.  I watched them with the sound off.  However I did detect two more pressing questions more important than the R Kelly decade old deal.

First up is what the hell is happening with Asia's LeBron James-esque hairline.  YIKES!!!!

Next up is her whatever it is, cuck pussmist "partner" dicking around on the laptop while she is making these profound statements.  I did some research and discovered that he is actually logging on to the JCM blog to read the preview of this year's Hamtramck Music Fest and my NFL picks. Which you can do right here, right now!

And then there's this gem:

Ya dummy, it was me who got you banned from FB for 30 days because of your idiotic posts.  You then threatened to "shut me down" "beat my ass", etc.  Didn't do shit.  You must've been still working on that 3 month long op-ed on El Club that I have yet to see.  Still being edited?  What is it 65,000 words? The only explanation would be the poor fake editor having to correct all the grammar errors.
*Update-  I have once again gotten her banned from her primary FB account because of her hateful race-baiting comments in a public forum.  I had a little help from some of my Hispanic Constant Readers who were offended because she decided this week was anti Mexican week.  What a fucking dummy. Bye bye (again).

Also Hopcat has announced the replacement name for the Crack Fries.  It will be Cosmik Fries.  Of course based on current trends that won't be good enough for the people who do nothing but bitch about stuff so I think Hopcat should pay those reparations for those poor souls who were forced to do Crack.  Here's the link:  Cosmik Crack Fries

Hey all Metro here.
It is with great sadness with a side order of relief that I have had to cancel my GoFundMe to go to Albany to cover the Women of Color brunch and march.  It would be very difficult to arrange transportation given that nobody has yet to give me money.  So I will not be able to provide a single bit of information about this event.  Which actually puts me in the same boat as Asia Mock who actually is going and not going to do shit but loaf.  So I don't feel too bad.  But that's okay because its almost halfway through January 2019 and we need new topics to focus on!

Which brings me to the old favorite, the Hamtramck Music Fest(ival).  The first 100 bands have been announced, and they said more would come out today, but as of this writing they haven't. Lets all pretend we're the IRS with Eugene and give them a little grace period.
This year all the "proceeds" will be going to the Hamtramck Public Schools.  Whoa whoa whoa.  Wasn't that last year's gimmick? I thought they received a fake wish list and did the big back patting presentation with the crayons and stuff.  Is there a second, super secret, wish list that has yet to be revealed?  We will have to wait and see (till at least August). Then we will find out just how many gongs some brat needs.  Then again, there are other schools in Hamtramck to launder money, I mean donate used equipment through.  Maybe a different school every year? So many questions, as always.

Actually, here is a really interesting idea. Since 80% of the crowds at the HMF are made up of other bands playing who have gotten free wristbands +1, just go full on charity mode and have the bands playing pay for their wristbands. After all, if they are truly "volunteering" every act is getting $45 to $60 in wristbands, times two if they still do +1.  This would triple the proceeds for those poor kids, and give me a hundred "this band would have to pay me to see them" jokes. Hmmmmmmmm.

  Anyway, here are the first 100 announced bands.  As of this writing none have been kicked off or dropped out.

Now that is a lot of bands/acts/dj's! And I haven't heard of 75% of them. Wait wait I know what you're thinking, "You always complain about the same bands playing every Fest!"  Yes, I do. And the next comment will be, "Now you complain that unknown acts are playing." Yes, I will.  But here's the thing with unknown acts, and once I get into my preview I will find out if some of these are actually local bands/performers or just one-off's under a new name. I don't book these things (half because I have integrity and half because I'm lazy), but I do know the right way to integrate new acts to new eyes: Put them on a bill with a band that has proven to draw.  That way the drawing band's fans can maybe see an act they've never heard of and buy some of their music.  Not a prediction, but a spoiler- Most of these unknowns are going to be saddled up with each other on what I call a "dead bill". A Dead Bill is four bands nobody has heard of playing the same venue. Expect a lot of this.

The year JCM was kicked off the Fest we were the "draw" for the venue because people want to see what I do next, offend, etc. After we were removed, they replaced us with some shitty feminist group to make amends but they dropped out too. Then it was a band I don't even remember. All of the other acts have unfortunately never been heard from again.

They are still supposed to announce more bands so I have been checking my e-mail every hour and spent a day going through my junk files. It is interesting that thus far there are no Cosmic Light Shapes or Sheefy McFly, who has spent many a minute on FB campaigning for a spot.
Not a prediction, but a spoiler:  This year's Fest will be marketed based off of when The High Strung play.  Just wait for it.  Vampires love to vampire.

 It is going to take me about a month to do my comprehensive band by band preview in addition to setting up my $30 GoFundMe to get a wristband for me and my advocate to cover the Fest.  This year's format will be different.  I will still preview each act, preferably a video, but am dropping how long it takes for me to hit pause. This year I will preview the video/song, give a small blurb of my take on it, then advise whether a member of the act is doffable, and then whether they have any public domain nudes out there.  It's a New Year, so lets change it up.
Finally, this comment on the HMF Facebook always has bugged me.  It's the first one that always pops up in the reviews section:

I don't know what this even means. How is it "more than a place"? It baffles me.  Is it the easy access to well established drug dealers if you need a fix? Do they forget to turn the juke box off during a set? Is there a betting game on which local personality is fired this month?  So much intrigue!  F it, lets get to the picks....

This weekend is the NFL Conference Championships to decide who goes to the Super Bowl. Both games are legit too tough to call. Two teams have young potential stars who will be going up against two teams with veteran established stars.  Last week I went a pathetic 2-2 so I need to bounce back. Lets roll.

New Orleans over LA Rams-  Both teams have high powered offenses, but lost a little steam over the 2nd half of the season.  The Rams can definitely win this one if the running game keeps Brees off the field, but the Saints are good at home and LA is coming in from the west coast. I'm going with the home team here even though I want to see a Chiefs/Rams rematch. Should be a great game.

N.E. Patriots over K.C. Chiefs- This is the rare trap playoff game for the Chiefs.  They have an amazing offense but are facing a Pat's team with the worst Vegas odds of the teams remaining.  I think it comes down to Playoff Andy Reid vs. Playoff Belichick.

Based on my predictions the young bucks will have to wait a year or so before the big game because I have Brady vs. Brees in the Super Bowl.

Thanks for reading.  I will try to keep the blog semi-active while working on my month long HMF preview. No more Asia crap.  Only 8 people care about her anyway. Maybe more lists, pop culture stuff. Who knows? Keep your eyes open.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, January 11, 2019

The First Chapter/Act of Metro's Screenplay "Piss Bag"

Hey all, Metro here.  With the success of "A Quiet Place" and "Bird Box"  I have decided to rip off/write a screenplay/novel called "Piss Bag".  And as a bonus to the Constant Readers here is the first chapter!!

It all started in the summer. At first it was only covered by TMZ and Reddit and most of society laughed it off, but as more and more people died everybody started to take notice.

My name is Ben, and I am currently trapped in a bathroom at MidCi in Sherman Oaks, Ca, along with my wife, an African American named April, her daughter from a previous relationship Roo (bi-racial), our son Logan, and our adopted Asian daughter Finn.  We have no idea how long we have before TIME RUNS OUT!

When the mainstream media finally caught on they called it "The Nose Pop", and it started that summer. At first it was a few deaths here and there, but then it started to gain traction. Famous scientists from around the globe concluded that the fatality epidemic was being caused by a neurological reaction to foul smells. This is when the panic began. Thousands lost their lives by trying to be proactive and plugging their noses which resulted in a multitude of asphyxiation deaths that CNN termed "The Suicides". My family tried to maintain life as usual, but every now and then whenever I passed a dumpster or an Indian restaurant, the boils would start popping up on my arms.

Yet still, I refused to give in to this mysterious, unexplained plot point epidemic. And because of this is why I am stuck in this bathroom now.  It was my mistake refusing to acknowledge an obvious MacGuffan and took my family to get pizza at MidCis.

Everything was going great until the asshole next to us orders one of those custom jobs with next to everything on it. Almost immediately, the entire restaurant erupts into mass chaos.  The businessman at the window table cut off his tongue with a fountain pen.  Nicky, that Italian greaseball and everybody's favorite regular, had his stomach cave in as he was rushing to the door. With Nicky's 350 lbs blocking our only exit I realized we had to work fast. The couple to the left of us started to disrobe for one last time before their hands fell off. I noticed that our daughter Roo's hair had begun falling out so we had to act quick. So I gathered the family, along with a few other survivors: Tully, the transgender artist, Betty, the lesbian who lives next door, Randy, the failed musician, Outrageous Mike, the model, Trent, who lives in that house near the beach, and Zoro, who we call Zoro because nobody knows his real name but he is Mexican.

So here we are. A stalemate. Stuck inside of a bathroom. Right now I can hear the screaming outside.  Thankfully it only lasts for a few minutes and the screams are replaced by the sounds of chewing. I went to comfort my wife April but she was on her phone with her broker. I was sure the kids would need their father figure, but they were pre-occupied with some game on their tablets.

Tully, the tranny, was the first to crack. He turned on all the water faucets and started to scream for help. Already knowing that smell can kill you, I immediately questioned whether sound can as well, so I choked Tully until he stopped moving, and just to be sure, I removed his eyes in case sight can doom us.

By this point, I was three beers in at the restaurant along with the six I had before we left.  Thankfully, we are trapped in a bathroom, waiting it out.  I go back to April, who is finally off her goddamn phone, to tell her that I have to go take care of "Hungry Harry" and will be back once I relieve myself. I make sure to check on the rest of the survivors as well.  Tully has passed away most likely due to the smell ingestion before getting into the bathroom.  That would be my best guess. I then receive the coldest chill of my life when I reach the urinal, with my equipment already out, "Hungry Harry" ready to spurt.  My worst fear has come true.... A Piss Bag.

So that's it!  The first chapter of the soon to be hit movie and my next book.  What happens next? How long can the characters last? When is too much for the Piss Bag and it breaks? Jeeze, this screenwriting stuff is easy!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Metro's Latest GoFundMe-Get Him to Albany!

Hey all, Metro here.  I am feeling inspired.  Inspired by all the positivity that is coming out in these trying times. I am even man enough to admit that I am inspired by my constant foil Asia Mock and her decision to do something ( which I don't know) at the Albany, NY Capital District Women of Color Brunch (??!), March, and Rally.  She and one of her hanger-on's have started a GoFundMe so they can take a nice break from waiting tables to...once again, do something at this event.  The event is hosted by the Citizen Action of New York Capital District Women of Color Committee of the District of Committees With Action and Committee of Action in Albany Committee of New York Sub-Committee Citizen Committee co-sponsored by the Hamtramck Music Fest Committee.

Whew, so in other words, it's a cash grab scam so Asia can go on a little vacation, get away from the kid for a bit, and make a difference.  Here's not a prediction, but a spoiler:  She won't do shit. Her campaign (which I won't post here for integrity reasons) is doing well and may reach its goal, but the truth is they will most likely be driving and will pocket most of the money donated as a quick payday.  Prove me wrong.  As for her contributions to the event, an event that is important in healing our country btw, I can also predict it will be a bunch of Facebook selfies of herself, people whose gender/race are okay with her, and disparaging pics of people she does not agree with.  Its so predictable at this point.  All while pocketing the money.

Soooooooo, I have created a counter GoFundMe to send my alter ego Johnny Press to Albany for some real coverage.  I mean the real people who's voices need to be heard should be heard and because Asia/Logan is blocked or blocked 90% of the internet, who better to step in and cover this than the best local journalist in Michigan with thousands of Constant Readers!  These peoples' voices need to be heard (real talk), and you can help make this happen by donating to the link right here, right now!   Lets Get Metro to Albany!

Because I believe in full disclosure unlike some cash grabbers, it is very possible that after covering a few hours of the brunch/march/rally I very well may dip into the GoFundMe's petty cash fund and drive the rental to New York and spend some time drinking heavily at Harry's or the Odeon (the car would be safely in a garage by this time as I prefer not to endanger people), after which I will visit the cats at the Carlton Arms and probably wind up at Fitzpatricks where hopefully I can recreate the hedonistic chaos of 2005 after they lock the doors at 4pm.  All of this can happen because of you!  If we reach our goal I will also visit a small checklist of haunted America sites along with photo evidence that I am not using your money for the reasons stated. Then by Day 3 (I think the rally will still be going on at this point), I fear that I will have to cash in the prostitute card.  I won't be happy after, but for 30 minutes your dollars will be very well spent.  Here is the link one more time!
Food, drinks, ladies!

By this point, I will have to set up a secondary GoFundMe to get money for somebody to pick me up somewhere in Pennsylvania because I am no longer able to function on a consistent basis.  I will overshoot the money needed for the car and gas just in case I get a second wind and insist to stop in Erie or Cleveland if we make it that far.  If there is no second wind I will pocket the money. By this point I am obligated to set up a third!!! GoFundMe for the poor soul who agreed to drive me back (the rental was ditched in a forest 200 miles back under one of my 7 aliases).

But I want to do all of this for you!  The Constant Readers!  I am disappointed that GoFundMe doesn't offer reward/prize options so I will do them here.  Anybody that gives me money for doing nothing please e-mail me and I will honor the donation!

$5- I will mention your band on the blog.

$10- I will mention your band on the blog but emphasize you suck thus making you popular!

$15- I will post an ill-advised social media post of yours on the blog. Actually if that is a reward I'm going to need Reparations by now. Cash Me!!

$20- I will let you buy me a drink.

$50- I will write a blog post with a topic of your choice.

$75- You can write a "guest post" on the blog read by thousands of Constant Readers.

$100-  Sex

$500- The DMA.  Been trying to sell it for years.

Thank you all and your hard earned money for me to potentially kill myself.  Once again here is the link!    Albany Doff Tour

If the GoFundMe doesn't work I have a back up plan in that I have sold my very first screenplay.  I didn't want to wait around for Josh Malerman to rip off another easy concept so I jumped at the prospect of writing a movie.  We have "A Quiet Place" where if you are heard YOU DIE!  Then we have "Bird Box" released not even a year later where if you see something YOU DIE.  The studio was very high on my watered down concept and filming has already begun on a script that is not yet finished.  I am excited to issue the press release:

"Tension is high in the new thriller by local Michigan Detroit Music Award winning musician and author Bryan Metro where if you smell something foul.  YOU DIE! The plot revolves around a stereotypical family of a mixed race marriage who find themselves trapped in a bathroom together with only their family bond as strength to survive.  The stakes rise with every ensuing, terrifying moment. Don't miss out on next summer's biggest hit 'Piss Bag'. *A Weinstein Production"

Super cool eh? I tried to find the easiest concept to rip off and I think I ripped a good one.  Being screenwriter along with Executive Producer I am allowed to give a brief behind the scenes look.  The original title of "Piss Bag" was to be "Holy Shit!" but the studio assured me that "Piss Bag" was the more commercial title.  I briefly considered the title of "Outrageous Mike" but the studio deemed it not controversial enough.  Here are a few lines of dialogue.

April (mom)- "What happens next?"
Roo (daughter)- "Where's dad???"
Logan (son)- "What happens next?"
April (mom)- "Roo, dad hasn't been around for years!"

I hope that whetted your appetite for the terror!  Here are a few screenshots of the shoot:

SPOILER ALERT!- The first casualty!

I hope everybody supports this grassroots film bonanza along with the GoFundMe which has yet to get a single dollar.  I am hellbent on covering this event.

In other local news be sure to check out Hip In Detroit's review of the latest ice cream shoppe in Ferndale!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Next NFL Playoff Picks Plus a Worthwhile Cause

Hey all, Metro here.  As I alluded to in the last post I will try to balance the fun/ sports/entertainment/pop culture stuff with the stupidity of everything else.  So for the Sportz Constant Readers the first part of this is for you. If you just come here for the stupidity and drama, skip that and go to the second half.  For the True/Real Constant Readers, digest both.

Lets start off with the next round of NFL Playoff predictions!

Indy Colts over KC Chiefs-  I'm going with the upset here.  The Colts have a good offense and a decent defense.  The Chiefs have a great offense and a poor defense. It's the Playoffs, and defense is emphasized.  Yeah, I'm going with the upset here.

LA Rams over Dallas Cowboys-  Should be a good game but just seems "meh" to me.  The only question is if LA peaked too soon or if Dallas peaked at the right time. I think the Rams are the more complete team, but if Zeke Elliott has a monster game all bets are off.  So don't bet on this game.

LA Chargers over New England Patriots- This should be the best game of the weekend. Two veteran quarterbacks head to head with Phillip Rivers and Tom Brady. Despite being on the road for this game, the Chargers are undefeated on the road this season.  Plus I think that Phillip Rivers has a few more weapons than Brady this time.  So Chargers fans, I just jinxed you!

New Orleans Saints over Philly Eagles- Easiest pick of the week.  Unless Big Nick Foles turns Gatoraid into wine on New Orleans' sideline, this should be a squash.

So those are my picks.  Now lets get to more serious matters.  A good cause.  Something to give your hard earned money to.  My good friend Asia Mock/Logan Sharde has been "invited" to Albany, NY for the Capital District Women of Color Brunch (??!), March, and Rally sponsored by the Citizen Action of New York Capital District Women of Color Committee (good god man, a lil brevity here). First off, I have to say I believe this is a great cause and people should support it. However people like Asia totally undermine any type of social improvements. Naturally, so her totally non-toxic dividing voice can be heard, she has set up a GoFundMe (in addition to her already established paypal and cashme accounts) so that she and a friend can take a vacation, I mean contribute to this event. I can't explain it well enough so I will let you read it.

Okay, lets pump the brakes here.  "Especially and most certainly the YTS".....Okay, so the demographic you have disparaged for the past 3+ years on social media is expected to provide the bulk of this glorified vacation?  How does that work?  Plus, lets be honest, nobody outside of Detroit cares about Asia, so I doubt she was fake invited to be a cog in this life changing event.  She alluded to her "Auntie" who is an organizer.  I don't even know if that is code for something.  I don't speak in codes.  Anyway, this comes off as just another cash grab just like Chanel Kincaid setting up a "give me money because I quit my job" GoFundMe campaign. It's pretty sad really. So instead of picking up a second shift at whatever rathole employs her, she is back to begging for money (there's a history there with car issues and legal bills). Plus, we all know she's not going to do shit there except post recycled quotes and other people's memes and take selfies.  So business as usual. Anyway, here is the event's mission statement:

I copy/pasted that into Google Translate and my computer got a virus.  Good lord.  The most frustrating thing is that there aren't any rewards attached to this crowdsourcing campaign.  C'mon, use the Electric Six model and give up something for something!  So, being the nice guy that I am I have come up with a rewards tier for this vacation, I mean campaign. Feel free to include it in the event page which I sure as hell ain't posting here.  These suggestions are free of charge BTW.

$5- Asia or one of her fake friends will post your address online.  For what reason?  We don't know.

$10- Asia or one of her friends will post your parents' address online. For what reason? We don't know.

$15- Illiterate Tramaine Butler will take a social media post of your choosing and mangle it to the point of being incomprehensible.

$20- An Uber ride from a publicly intoxicated Asia Mock. ($25 if you want to bring the kids!).

$30- A 30 minute session of bad hair and makeup tips with Natty Zoe Villegas.

$50- A night out on the town with lots of "dancing" with Third Man Records' TJ Grech/Ghoul.

$75- A misinformed op-ed piece written by FishGirl Abby Ropp with a topic of your choice.

$100- A 2 minute preview of the Charlie Cartier/Seraphine Collective/Bryan Metro Eyes Wide Shut group orgy sex tape.

$5000- A promise for Asia to stay in Albany and stop polluting social interaction with hate.

Those are what I came up with on the spot.  Maybe next week I'll set up my own GoFundMe to help me cover WWE Fastlane in Cleveland, or go visit the Dark Tower in NYC, or maybe even think outside the box and use the money for people who really need it.  Thanks for reading Constant Readers.  Its a New Year and the same shit.  Lets have some fuuuun. I'll leave you with a rare pic of Asia setting up the cash grab...I mean GoFundMe:

And to close, here is a rare pic of Tunde recovering from the dance injury that caused him to cancel multiple shows that weren't generating any heat (cough cough), on the set of the classic 80's movie "Fletch".

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, January 7, 2019

Metro Gets the Laser Pointer/Bowie at the Senate

Hey all Metro here. Yes, I realize I said I had a "big announcement" for today, but I nixed it.  Besides, don't you hate it when musicians, artists, etc say they have a big announcement and it ends up being completely underwhelming, or they never say anything about it again; that's my favorite.  Nahh, I was going to create a secondary blog solely to focus on that toxic clique that bugs me, but 1) I don't have the motivation, and 2) My Constant Readers prefer the combination of pop culture, local scene, and me making fun of how stupid people can be.  If I separate that into two blogs it divides my readers, and the last thing I want to do is divide people.  So it'll be business as usual.  Sorry.

Which leads me to my legitimate joy at what a success the Bowie screening at the Senate Theater was this past weekend.  If you are a Constant Reader you know I have touted the Senate as a worthwhile venue for movies that doesn't get nearly as much attention as it should.  Been doing it since 2017.  Finally, people are catching up (along with them taking my suggestion of mixing up music, film, and art) and the Ziggy Stardust event was a great success.  All the pics I've seen show people having a great time, and a packed house.  Good!  I think they have a decent template for future success now.  The staff is great, friendly, and pro-Detroit.  And its good that a venue is being showcased for its positives rather than people whining and complaining to "shut them down".  My friends at the Metro Times posted a photo slideshow of some of the people who attended and I have decided to do a first ever "photo critique" of a photo slideshow.  Here is the link.  Click it and it should take you to a new screen because I am not reposting 78 photos.  But you can follow along.  This is the part where I make fun of everyone.  But note, my comments above were sincere.  I'm bi-polar, so deal with it.
MT Everybody at the Senate Link

I'm not covering each photo, just the ones that interest me.

Photo1.-  Looks like a fun trio that can easily be photoshopped into a Detroit Music Award pic.

3.- Nell is that you?

4.- The organ at the Senate is badass and on par with the Redford Theater, who I also highly recommend.

5.- Okay most will expect me to go to town on this one, but this lady has earned every right to not have me poke fun.  She's having a blast.  Good for her. Plus she has popcorn.

8.-Pic of some of the staff.  Great people.  Great venue.

9.- Girl on the left looks like my ex wife who my online stalkers have needlessly identified as Melissa.  She has the same pose in every local picture I see of her.

15.- Good to see the head vampire from Lost Boys could make it.

17.- Nell again with a not-quite-sure and a maybe.

19.  Ah yes, the first appearance of Ricky Rat.  I poke fun at Ricky a bit here, sometimes just to see if he's alive.  Truth is I've only had one interaction with him.  It was him messaging me "Fuck You". Whoops.

20.- Dr. Detroit doppleganger.

27.- A maybe in a Kim Basinger kind of way.

29.- I know you're expecting a paragraph on this one, but it looks like everybody is having fun and Doll Rod kept her top on.

34.- Another Doll Rod pic this one showing a little more doff. This really is the DMA's.

39.- Looks to be a costume contest.  My vote is for the girl in the middle just because of the pants.  I have no idea what is on the right.

44.- This might be my favorite.  I am not sure if two of the three people on the panel are even alive, but I do know that the natty haired one on the right is not a big fan of me.  In fact, it's safe to say she hates me. Trainwreck.

Intermission....but only because me and my associate are arguing whether Young Liz Hurley or Older Liz Hurley are hotter....

Okay we're back!
47.- Another Margaret Doll-Pop, I mean rod pic.  Just for consistency.

48.- Clint Howard Eye with that bitch who loves to drag me through the mud online.  Gross.

54.- I didn't know HAIM attended!  BTW the girl on the right is totally cute in a Karen Allen kind of way.

55.- Totally stoked to see a full house.  Well deserved.

58.- Oh its Eugene! The two gals on the right look insufferable, but the main thing is, DID SOMEBODY KEEP AN EYE ON THE DONATION JAR!!!!!

61.- Its a Hamtramck Steve sighting.  Rumor is he intended to be at Lafayette Coney Island.  Unconfirmed.

68.- Decent shot.  Def a maybe, although not taking the plunge in case I get a cruel surprise.

71.-  This dude's eyes scare me.  Its like he's a character from The Thing.  Dead behind the eyes.  Dark lights.

73.-  Girl on left, my e-mail is bryanmetro1@hotmail.com

77.-  Even though I couldn't make it I was pleased to see my on again off again Asian Bass Player Vinnie "Wang" Rawsonville on site.

So that's it for my photo review of the Senate's Bowie night.  I'm glad it was a success.  Thank you to the cocksuckers at the Metro Times for providing the pics, and I hope the Senate continues to prosper.  Stay tuned later this week for my NFL playoff picks. And as always, thanks for reading!!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Celebrity Death News, NFL Wild Card Picks, and a Gift Request #76

Hey all, Metro here.  I hope everybody had a safe, rewarding holiday season.  But, it's now 2019 and business never sleeps. I'm packing a lot of content into a short post so try to keep up.
First up, it is only the 2nd day of the New Year and the Reaper is already trying to top the celebrity holocaust of 2017. Today we lost two legends of my childhood, Super Dave and Mean Gene Okerlund, both at the age of 76.

Super Dave was a staple of me getting my parents to let me stay up to watch his cable show or talk show appearances. Most of the dry humor went over my head and I found them dull. Until!!! the stunt at the end of the show.  I lived for those horribly over the top moments. It was like the Three Stooges falling off a building and its obviously fake shemps (dummies). He managed to reinvent himself as Funkhouser on Curb Your Enthusiasm and appeared on Arrested Development. I was told that he passed due to cancer, but I don't buy it.  Dude survived a mistimed rocket launch.  I was able to secure his last known photo.

*Update!  The Captain from Captain and Tennille passed away also.....at the age of 76.  This is getting out of hand. My bass player compiled a list of celebrities who are still alive (at the time of this writing) who are 76:  Paul McCartney, Harrison Ford, Calvin Klein, Judge Judy, Barbara Streisand, Joe Biden, Dick Butkus, Jerry Jones, the dad from Friday, Brian Wilson, Martin Scorsese, Charlie Rose, and Wayne Newton.  Everybody above, check yourself into the hospital as an inpatient until year 77. No jinxies!

Next up we have Mean Gene Okerlund, another staple of my childhood. He called many a classic wrestling moment and managed to get good interviews out of people like Paul Orndorff.  He was there for the hatching of the Gobbelygooker at Survivor Series and was still working the mic when The Undertaker debuted.  I am not sure the cause of death, but I am actively looking into whether Papa Shango has an alibi or not. I can guarantee he's having a pint or five with Bobby the Brain and Andre right now.  Macho Man supplying the coke.  My favorite Mean Gene moment was during a live ppv and there was a set malfunction and he dropped an F Bomb on live tv.  Here it is.
Fuck it. $200 an hour!

Sticking with the wrestling theme briefly (btw Super Dave was on a Raw episode in the mid 90's), John Cena has new merch out.  I'm not the biggest Cena fan, but I would really appreciate it if somebody got me this shirt.  I will promise to wear it to every show I cover and/or make fun of in 2019. Its fitting in a non-wrestling way, and if it makes you feel better you can say it is reparations for me.

Last up we have the NFL Playoffs kicking off this weekend, and based on how the season went, things are wide open, which is fun, unlike college and the NBA when you know who is going to win nearly every game. Every matchup is a close one so lets get to my picks!

Houston over Indy- The Colts had a sneaky good season this year and the Texans took the foot off the gas the last few weeks of the season.  Still, I'm not sold on Indy though.  Next year, maybe, but I think Houston takes this one. Good matchup.

Dallas over Seattle-  This is also too tough to call.  It comes down to Seattle not being the dominant Seattle of the past vs. Dallas continuing to be the playoff chokers of the past. Who proves it wrong.  The Vegas spread is 1.5. Eh, Taking the home team.

Baltimore over LA Chargers-  This one stings.  Due to the NFL seeding policy, a 12 win team has to play on the road in a wild card game. I'm picking Baltimore because it will make Philip Rivers really pissed off and a pissed off Rivers makes for good tv.  He may punch out a Ravens fan.

Chicago over Philly- This one has the biggest Vegas spread at 5, but I think this comes down to a last second field goal. Or Philly wins by 20.  Fuck it, I hate both cities.

So that's it for my post of the week. Its a new year and a new day.  I spent a decent time on the can today thinking of what my focus for 2019 would be on the blog. I'd like to try something different. I've already covered how inept the Hamtramck Fest is for the past year and a half.  I've already proven how hypocritically stupid Asia Mock and her posse (Cheatin' Sara Smith, Cucked Charlie Carter, Villainous Zoe Villegas, Fish Eyes Abby Ropp, Whining Aubrey Wolfe, Illiterate Tramaine Butler, and a host of others nobody bats an eye at).

All I came up with so far is

-Attend various local protests for photo sessions along with asking what and why they are protesting. (They hate that).

-Attend the Fastlane ppv in Ohio in March for exclusive coverage for national media sites.

- Break out the Johnny Press hat and find out what happened to Tunde.  Dude fell off the map.  Big map.  Last I saw he did an NPR interview still milking the Flint water crisis along with plugging his latest album of course.  I have yet to confirm that he broke his hip during the podcast and has to cancel more shows.

Well shit.  Looks like it will be another year of HamFest, Asia, pop culture, celebrity deaths, sports predictions, awful, overpriced Ferndale Fests, Pork Pie Sadie, local corruption and wrestling posts. I have a feeling you Constant Readers wouldn't have it any other way.  And even if you did.....You can't stop me.

And just to show my sincerity look at what this idiot is posting:

The trend of "Nothing is ever good enough" looks to be continuing in 2019 as well.  So somebody tries to have a polite conversation and it turns into a FB rant.  I have said all along that Asia is mentally unstable, toxic, racist, etc.  Look at all the hate in those comments.  Words like "Bitch" "whyte". And making fun of her appearance. First off, Asia should be the last person to make fun of anybody.  Based on her latest bathroom selfies she should stay away from the dispensaries to avoid becoming a Teletubby.  Lookin like a weeblo gurl.

Second, the main question is what was she really checking on her phone when interrupted by somebody being polite.  Thankfully I have tracked that info down.

Sigh.....fictional television versus real life statistics.  Please don't make me do this and post them.  Okay I won't, but my point once again...…. Get this person some help!

*Update*-  Everybody's favorite militant hypocrite actually did a live chat.  It was incoherent of course and the anon commenter pointed out at least three minutes could have been shaved from it but she had some trouble coming up with ideas. It started out regarding an incident at a McDonalds that I didn't hear about and includes these gems:

"The founding fathers or the derp, er, ah, the men, or this or that."
"We don't live in a society that values our lives. Even our own culture doesn't value".  Yeah, everybody hates each other.  Got it!
"I'm going to continue to shout at....derp, ah...from the windows."
"To all the white women watching this feed, y'all have so much work to do."   Charlie Carter, Abby Ropp, Aubrey Wolfe, Cheating Sara Smith.  You are on point!
"You make these babies who grow up to attack where you work". Ahahahahahahahaha the very same thing that you do!
"If we are to start healing as a community, black women and non-men"....Okay I stopped right there.  Which is it?  Community or demographics? Shouldn't a community represent all? Actually don't answer that.  I don't need any more screencaps like these below.

As a bonus I included a photo slideshow of the livecast.  Out of respect I won't post it, but you can find it on her page if you're not blocked. I call this photo expose, "The Brain at Work"

So in conclusion.  I would like to know exactly what happened at that McDonalds.  And what the fuck is on the ceiling!

Lol "slanderous".  Ummmm all I did was re-post your public content.  What don't you understand? You know what?  Don't even answer that.  Not a prediction, but a spoiler, here is the answer:

Can somebody explain to Schlitzie Asia that being Jewish is not a race but rather a religion. Same as Muslim or a Buddhist.  Actually don't because that covers another checkbox of hate speech.

Finally somebody let Abby out of her fish bowl long enough to have her write this doozy. Keep in mind these allegations have been around since 1994 and went full blown in 2002.

I have to point
I have to point out that as of last week that clique was laughing it up about white (or yt) on white violence in a fictional tv show that features dragons. This week they are up in arms about R Kelly, but ignoring a black on black crime and once again bringing race into it. I checked as far back as I could and not a single one of them was up in arms about this topic before this week. So many questions...  Where were you then? Was it okay then? How long can Abby operate outside of her fish bowl? I had to crack up at "enter conversations we don't belong in".  Good god.  Number 1, that makes her a hypocrite, and Number 2 what is the point of conversation if certain people "don't belong in it".

* Update, I watched the R Kelly doc.  Completely deplorable person. White, black, any demographic that commits that behavior.  I feel for the victims. I think it is no different from the Kevin Spacey stuff.  People using their fame/clout to get away with whatever they want.  I think there is a decent essay to be written regarding race, fame, and misconduct, and I have no issue saying that I can't be the person to write it.  I also have no issue saying that Fish Eyes Abby should either.

What is this?  Oh just more racism from Asia Mock.

Okay lets just close this post with another drinking game!!!!


I'm over this group of people, but not really, but I think a lot of the Constant Readers are. In 2019 I want the JCM blog to go back to making fun of local bands, promoting overlooked local bands/venues, exposing local corruption, movie reviews, lists, sports picks, etc.  However, stay tuned on Monday for a big bang boom announcement for the Constant Readers that enjoy me breaking down the stupid people around town. Until then, be well, safe, and enjoy life if possible.


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro