Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Metro's Pig and Whiskey Preview

Hey all, Metro here.  I always have felt that August is the February of Summer.  Everybody is sick of the heat and ready for September, Labor Day, the onset of Fall, JCM's Final Show, etc.

Thankfully, it's still July and Summer fever is in full swing.  A local tradition is happening this weekend, that being the Pig and Whiskey event in Fabulous Ferndale.  This is a FREE event where you have the opportunity to spend your big bills on small portions of bbq, along with high end cups of ice spritzed with some whiskey.

Even though my schedule is booked rock solid this weekend with multiple birthdays along with a mini-JCM reunion, I was still interested in what was going on elsewhere.  So, of course, I went to the top two most trusted journalism sources in town, Hip In Detroit and Milo at the Freep.

Lets start with the Hip in Detroit link:  Hip and Whiskey
As expected, it was half-assed regurgitated words from the Pig and Whiskey Facebook page.  I would expect better from them considering "Pig" is in the event's name.  The funniest part is when they referred to the Loving Touch afterparties as featuring some of the more grittier bands such as Tart.  I stopped reading at that point.  And I was pissed.  Goddammit, Hip in Detroit, I was only a few words away from actually finishing one of your posts.

Also, just as sad, is Milo's Freep preview, even sadder because he may have actually been paid for it.  It is a typical Milo write-up.  Copy and paste the band's "About" page, add a few fancy words, etc.  Curiously though, he also mentioned Tart in his Friday preview, even though they are not playing the actual event, but the Loving Touch After Party.  So to the other acts playing the event Friday who could have used a rub from a mention from the Freep that were passed over for a Von Bondie managed pet project band, this Milo's for you!  Here's the link: Spare me!

So, to every act playing for free (wait for it, Electric 6, wait for it), here is the full list of acts performing at Pig and Whiskey.  No set times or youtube reviews.  Look them up.  You may say this preview is as half-assed as Hip In Whiskey or Milo's is but at least mine has everybody playing.  Finally, I have not confirmed that all of the Ferndale cash-grab parking violations that will be issued this weekend will be part of an elaborate 50/50 raffle.

Friday- Pokey LaForge, Ohio Wild, Bear vs. 2008...I mean Shark, Messenger Birds

Saturday- Billy Brandt and Sugarees, The Doozers, Kevin Thibodeau, Ben Keeler, Holly Bernt, Robert Bradley, Stone Clover, Laith Al-Saadi

Sunday- Kimball, Strange Heart, Mark Mallman, Duende (pussies), The Beggars, Ancient Language, Electric Six

Okay, couldn't resist.  Requisite Electric 6 dig.  Playing for "FREE" yet collecting a decent performance fee.  My buddy Simon messaged them the other week when their next Kickstarter would be and they responded with "Maybe later this year".  Then they realized he was friends with me and blocked him.  Total scam artists and pussies.  All Simon wanted to do was buy the keyboardist a shot of whiskey. Based on the latest photo they're trotting out, somebody get Zach Shipps on the phone (but leave the producing gear at home).

Anyway, Pig and Whiskey, this weekend, and its free.  Everybody be safe.  I do mean that.  Responsible driving.  Don't be a dummy, and don't grope girls like 2007-era Tait and then go into rehab and use it as a moral bankruptcy chip so that any transgressions that happened before are irrelevant.  So yeh, Pig and Whiskey!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, July 9, 2018

Mission Accomplished! Final Teaser Fliers

Hey all Metro here.  One of my biggest pet peeves is people being "too nice".  Of course my detractors will say that I am "too mean", which I admit can be true.  Today is one of those days.....

So this was just posted today with the caption "Mission Accomplished".  I have already taken the time to alter it to promote the final JCM show (more on that later).
Now I like Woodman.  His positivity is infectious and he seems to really care, although I am not a fan of him no-selling all of the corruption in Hamtown.  Well, to each, their own...

My problem with the pic is the caption "Mission Accomplished" when it should have been "Missed Opportunity".  I think what really set me off were the comments.  For example, from "Worst Kept Secret Lee": "This is classic."  And then the actual mayor of Hamtramck Karen Majewski: "OMG You have made me so proud of Hamtramck."  Ummmmm what?  For what?  Its two geezers on vacation taking a picture where hundreds take every day.  My bulldog advocate said, "Too bad the secret service didn't come out," while rolling his eyes.  I corrected him saying, "I disagree.  The fact they Didn't is telling.  If they did, NOW you would have a story. As it is, it's just two guys looking for likes on FB for going to DC from MI...and with no context."  I would wager they weren't even the "wackiest" dressed tourists that day.

Take a second and think if the roles were reversed.  Well okay, I'd be in jail, and I'm not even that political, but this is just a missed opportunity.  And worst of all, too safe.  Before I get to the final batch of teaser fliers I have a prediction....no actually a spoiler.  This pic will be used for every Caveman/Bam Bam show flier/press pic for the next two years.  Maybe that was the Mission after all.  I could have shopped that with better lighting if that was the case. So that is the reason I am jumping the predictable gun and using it as the headliner for the final batch of teaser fliers for a teaser of a flier for a yet to be revealed show.  That way, whenever it is recycled via lame local media or social media to promote the same ole' local shows, a tiny tiny bit of everybody will think...JCM did it first.

Alright, lets stop being evil and get to the final batch of teaser fliers.  So far we have had two venues, possibly three, already cancel after confirming (??!!), not to mention me getting kicked off the Seven Nation Army/Hart Plaza thing that absolutely nobody has talked about, so I have to keep it vague for now.  But all the teaser fliers will be available at the final show, signed by me, with all money going to various charities.  So lets stop sounding so sad and get to the teasers!!

Friday, July 6, 2018

Final Show-New Fliers-For Charity

Hey all Metro here.  First off, good morning early birds, and welcome to Friday.  It's almost the weekend and nobody reads blogs on the weekend so lets get moving.

Yesterday I announced that some semblance of JCM will be performing a Final Show at the New Way Bar in Wonderful Ferndale Michigan. This will be on September 1st, and the fact it is Labor Day weekend was covered in Thursday's post which you can read below this one.  Too lazy to link to a link on the same site.

One of the most talkable aspects of the show after the fact it is our final show, will go to multiple charities, etc is the fact that Metro will be signing exclusive prints of fliers for the event.  I posted a bunch of them in the initial post, but due to great demand (and private requests) I have added a second batch.  Every signed print is only $5 and you will be able to choose where the money goes: Local schools, Women's crisis programs, or Animal rescue causes.  Of course you could just donate the money flat out to any of these groups but then you would be missing out on a fine piece of local music memorabilia signed by a local legend...Me.  Anyway, here is wave 2 of the designs.  Will there be a Wave 3?  Wait and see....

And to those who would say "now you censor!"

Thursday, July 5, 2018

The Final JCM Show- Bombshell

Hey all, Metro here with the big scoop.  The JCM will be playing their final show this Labor Day weekend on September 1st at the New Way Bar in fabulous Ferndale, MI.  Yes, I do realize that this is the same weekend as the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest, but hear me out.  This is "counter-programming" at its finest.  After all, the JCM did point out that no monies had gone to Hamtramck schools after the Fest which prompted a post from them saying it will happen in mid-September, weeks after the Labor Day Fest (and the JCM show at the New Way Sept. 1st).  

Of course one could be cynical and say the HMF never intended to give any money to the schools as stated and will be using funds from the Labor Day Fest to save face and give second-hand used goods (instead of the promised money), but that can't be correct could it?  Actually they have that exact plan on their Facebook page.  These geezers give me instant material.

Here's the kicker.  We have a few supporting acts (who wish to remain anonymous for obvious reasons) and none of the acts on the bill will accept a cent from the door gate (after the venue has their %).  All remaining money will be going to local schools, women's crisis, and animal rescue within a week of the show. Not the 6 months the HMF will (or won't) take to give back.  We are sick and tired of the corrupt nature of local venues and bookers, not to mention the cowards who complain about Metro/JCM.  So go ahead.  Complain about this one and get a show pulled who will be donating every penny to charity.  I dare ya. Oh, I forgot about the MERCH!

We will have merch available at the show including unsold JCM cd's and cassettes along with custom printed fliers signed by Metro.  I have included some of the designs here below.

So once again, lets all have a DELIGHTFUL Labor Day with the JCM final show
From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, July 2, 2018

Power to the People....Right On!

Hey all, Metro here.  As you very well know, as Constant Readers, I was selected to be a primary vocalist for the Rocking 1000/Hart Plaza/Seven Nation Army thing on July 3rd, where 1000 of the top elite Detroit area musicians would converge and cover the White Stripes' hit single.  I posted on it a few posts ago in case you need a refresher.

As with everything I attach myself to, I treated it like a joke, a lark, a gag while everybody else involved thought they were going to change the world.  I thought it was something different to do on a Tuesday.  Plus, with it being on national television at some point, I thought it would be just Delightful to sneak in some JCM product placement.  Well.....pump the brakes.

This morning I received this e-mail from the lovely Francesca at the event:

"Good morning Brian, we have received many complaints about your involvement at Rock Detroit, and after talking to the production, we have decided that your presence could lead to an unpleasant situation that we prefer to avoid.
For this reason, we are forced to cancel your participation in the event.
We have security at the event and they have been made aware as well.
If you do arrive at location you will be turned away by security. 
Francesca - Team Rockin'1000"

First off I have to say that I am completely flattered. Getting booted from a Hamtramck venue along with the Hart Plaza event in the span of a week is no small feat.  I am flattered that "many" cared enough to ensure this happened, and maintained the "integrity" of the local music scene sarcasm alert.  To the Constant Readers, I assure you I have replied with questions about the nature of the complaints along with what an "unpleasant situation" is.  I can only imagine the things said in the complaints.  "He makes fun of Sadie.  Queen Kwong abandoned her quest to save Detroit because of him, etc."  Now, I am just one person, but I am honored that according to the e-mail "many" felt the need to ensure I could not participate in this event, free of charge I might add.  I have a really unfortunate sense that these same "many" are completely okay with the Electric Six Kickstarter frauds, the Hamtramck Music Festival being corrupt as fuck for years, and grown, old men taking advantage of local young, na├»ve, boys and their little white candles.  Yeah, that's all good.

To anybody who complained....congrats!  You got what you wanted, and saved me gas.  I am a little bit bummed because I acquired a new hat specifically for this event, but I will survive.  Have I mentioned how flattered I am?  I really am.  What disturbs me is everybody says they don't read this blog.  If that is true, how could something of this magnitude happen.  The complaints must have been fast and furious because if you look at the list of people participating I was the biggest name on there.  That is not hyperbole.  THE biggest name on there.  Not sure if that is a knock on me or everybody else involved.  Finally, to all those who complained, I salute you.  You have stroked an already out of control ego.  Can't wait for Labor Day Fest! Oh and this:

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Spare Me Flint Eastwood....Spare me.

Hey all, Metro here!  Looks like the mass e-mail went out to all the local goons.  Here is a transcription of the narrative: "Hey all, the narrative of the summer is Flint Eastwood, their new record, and here's the hook, the big deal... She's Gay!  We tried this with Tunde and it bombed so let's put extra effort into this one."

                                                                Spare Me

This is so painfully obvious and transparent, and of course Metro Times was the first to bite.  Here is their press release...I mean latest independent post that hits all the hot buttons...

Flint Eastwood returns with a lot of cash grab love!

                                                                 Spare Me

This completely annoyed me, although not enough to search for previous write-ups to see if the LGBT was cashed in on.  Since I couldn't remember, lets just say it wasn't.

The latest media push for the latest failed local Detroit act reeks of desperation for a band/act that will never break out, despite shows in Nebraska.  My main point is why wait until 2018 to play the gay card?  Lets be real here.  Alternative lifestyles have been increasingly accepted since the 90's....the 1990's.  Thank you MTV, George Michael, Concert For Life, and...Cindy.
Now that Flint Eastwood has a new record to push they have a new angle to exploit, and it is insulting to any LGBT artists that have been in the public eye before this release. It is painfully obvious and I fully support the LGBT movement, and it ticks me off when people exploit it, which is what is happening here. I've volunteered at Pride Fests....Years ago! No angle.  No records to sell.

If this halfwit really gave a shit, she would have trailblazed and spearheaded this movement....But nope.  Waited until it became convenient for her.  Since this act started there have been numerous public figures from politics to sports to even professional wrestling have come out.  Yet Flint Eastwood waits until they have a new record to bore us with.  Should have not come out as "gay" but rather "fake".  And the Wonder Sisters/Zany Siblings did it first.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

                                                                Spare Me

Friday, June 29, 2018

Bryan Metro National TV Debut

Hey all, Metro here.  I am very excited to announce that I will be making my feature TV debut on CBS.  I have been selected as a primary vocalist for the gimmicky "Rockin 1000" Detroit episode.  1000 of the top musicians in the Detroit area will converge on Hart Plaza to perform a song that is synonymous with the city of Detroit, and every sports team in the country, "Seven Nation Army" by White Stripes.

This event will be taped for an episode of  CBS's Amazing Race (oops sry), and I will be a primary vocalist representing this great musical city.  The application process was extremely stressful as I had to create a profile along with submitting a video why I am qualified to participate in such an event.  Thankfully I passed with flying colors, and am now secluded practicing for 9 hours a day.  I am currently sitting next to 6 jars of piss and have ruined a mic due to vomiting directly into it during a take due to stress. However, I believe I can pull my shit together in time for the July 3rd taping.

The Rockin 1000 website is very helpful in terms of details.  There is still time to apply (Oh fuck I hope I didn't just give Caveman Woodman and Bum Bum any ideas) and they have a plethora of information such as times, location, lunch, and amount of guns allowed in Hart Plaza.  Everybody accepted has the option to make their profile public or private.  I have chosen to make mine public as I am a primary vocalist that will be featured on network tv representing this great city.  There is a link where you can view everybody accepted along with their role and profile as long as they made it public.  You can view them here.  (I'm under "Voice")
The Elite of Detroit

Okay, now pump the brakes.  I don't know anybody on the list either. Not a single goddamn person.  Which makes it so much better for me as I am the biggest name out of all the public profiles and this guarantees much more tv time than these other schlomos. I think me bragging about a 9 year old Detroit Music Award played a part in this.  In between working on memorizing the words to the song(taking forever) I have been stressing as to what to wear for the taping. Should it be a copyright infringement special from the Hype Ignition geezer?  Nahhh, no free publicity.  Should it be the homemade "Size 12 Pig"?  No can do.  The rules say no white shirts.  Things like this make being a media darling difficult but I am sure I will come up with something.

Also I suspect that many of those accepted have elected to keep their profiles private because they would catch some heat/made fun of from the local music community.  Allow me to give an example:  Those geezer pussies in The Muggs have signed up and will be participating in this event, but you won't see that on the page.  It's pretty sad really.  I am doing this as an obvious joke and a ploy to get the JCM brand on national tv before the MANDATORY SHUT DOWN DATE OF OCT. 8TH.  With The Muggs, it's just kind of sad.  Really pathetic, but not surprising because they haver tried and failed at reality tv in the past. Its not gonna happen guys.  Okay, now I'm depressing myself. Gotta go!

Wait! Since I have your attention, I have another teaser for a teaser of a teaser for a flier.  #run

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, June 28, 2018

The Beginning of the End

Update!-  It took a record breaking one day for the venue I thought I had secured to cancel.  I'm flattered, but can't take a breath to enjoy it.  Its back to work.  I'm doing this for you Constant Readers along with the entire city of Hamtramck. In unrelated news, one day after I announced I will be prominently featured as a singer for the 1000 person "Seven Nation Army" Belle Isle revokes their permit. Can't catch a break.  Prayers please.  Updated teaser of a teaser for a teaser of a flier.

Hey all, Metro here.  I have a teaser of a teaser for a teaser of a flier to present to you.  Over the past year and a half I have had to listen to all the anonymous commenters on this site, along with the SJW's on Facebook, exclaiming that I will never have another show in this town again.  Well if you have kept up with North Central Positronics' Andy the Messenger (among other functions) this blog (and by proxy, band) will be shut down on Oct. 8th of this year, and to be honest I cannot go out without one final show.  Everybody, yeah that means you too, has said there is no way the JCM will ever perform again.  Maybe that is true.  But maybe it's not.  So here is a teaser of a teaser for a teaser of a flier.  I know it's still June, but I wanted to give everybody a heads up to get the protests/lynch mobs organized.  If all goes as planned it will be quite the culmination of everything I've written here.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

JCM is For the Children

** Update Update- I received a private message from somebody who has booked for HMF in the past saying that Eugene's fingerprints were all over that statement and that there was no April meeting with the Public Schools and no wish list and that anything given in September will all be second hand and used because "all of the money is pretty much gone".  Take that as you will, but I will look into this as best I can until then.

*Update-  I sent this e-mail today to one of the few people I can confirm are actually on the Fest committee, somebody who messaged me last year saying he hopes he never sees me again and to keep his identity secret.
Metro's e-mail: "The Constant Readers are cracking up at how the lazy HamFest committee waited until I posted about the lack of transparency (that still exists) as to where the funds from the 2018 went.  Now you guys are on the clock to deliver what you promised to do, even though you are stalling until September.  I am flattered though that the committee finally got off their asses and did something not benefitting themselves.  As far as the mystery April meeting with HPS, there is no record of that.  I verified it. I wish I wasn't retiring in October because I can't wait to see what missteps the committee has in store for 2019. Have a good one!  You were right.  You wish you never saw me again.  I'll give you that!".

Yeah, that came across as kinda mean (cry your pardon John Bissa) (oops), but I am intent on making sure these shysters make good on their promise.  And, yes I am sorry, but I don't have the motivation to look into where the money went in previous years. Here is the original post below.

Hey all Metro here, I would have had this up sooner but I had to let the laughter subside.  The braintrust at the Hamtramck Music Festival just issued a statement today regarding my expose into where the money from the Fest did or didn't go to.  Here it is, unedited in the issue of fairness:
The 2018 Hamtramck Music Fest was our most successful ever. We are currently working with the Hamtramck Public Schools art & music teachers to provide the kids with much needed music & art supplies. HMF met with HPS in April and was thrilled to have received their ‘wish list’ for fine arts resources and much needed equipment.
We are procuring those items now and anticipate presenting them to HPS in mid-September once school goes back into session. — Planning for next year’s Fest is already in the works. Look for more information about HMF 2019 and its continuing community involvement at the beginning of September.

Well, wow.  Well lets dig into this.  But first here is the link to my initial post asking where the money went:
Where did it go?

-First off, I am honestly stunned that they actually commented on the school promises.  But you have to realize that they commented without really commenting.  Based on my research I do not have any record of them meeting with HPS in April, and if it did happen why wait till the end of June to post about the progress.  Then again it took them a week to come up with two paragraphs after getting freaked out by my post.
-Another thing that caught my eye, one of the many holes in their statement, is why wait until September to "present" them?  The money from 2018 is already in, and we know the Hamfest committee works slow, but why not have the new equipment already be ready to roll when school starts?
- Are they just waiting for a photo op with the kids.  That argument has no weight because nobody on the committee wants to show their faces.
- Why is it the Fest's responsibility to procure these mystery items on the "wish list"?  Why not just distribute the money to the schools? Ah, logistics...not HMF's strong suit.

It still baffles me that they waited until the middle/end of June to put up this statement, a mere one week after I posted my findings that they had made no effort in regards to the schools.  They also waited until one day after I contacted Channel 2, 4, and 7's respective Problem Solver teams regarding this along with all my findings.  Weird timing don't ya think?  And yet their statement yielded no real concrete information.  A vague meeting in April that was not documented in the Hamtramck Public School meeting minutes.  Okay, I'll be the nice guy here and give them the benefit of the doubt on that one, but why wait so long?  Why wait till September?  It still doesn't make sense.  Did they have to wait until Eugene Strobe successfully returned his new Dodge Charger? John Bissa returning his new smart phone?

The main thing that comes out of this is that (hopefully) the schools come out on top because god knows the government could care less about funding the arts in education.  The other main thing is, and you knew this was coming, that I won.  If I wouldn't have made my post about where the money went, I guarantee today's post would not have gone up, and they probably would have kept most of the money.  Now they have to scramble and actually produce something concrete by September.  Sorry for the inconvenience geezers.  Now get to work and do what you said you were going to do.  And guess what?  The blog shutdown date is October 8th, so I will definitely be watching every day in September for that big presentation.  Oh and I like how you made a point to say middle of September.  Gives you time to skim off the top of Hamtramck Labor Day Fest to make up for the funds already pissed away.  Quite clever.  Quite clever indeed.  Oh, and I won geezers, and to everybody who says nobody reads this blog, and to all the "local journalists" who turned a blind eye to this situation, this one's for you.  Best in the world.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Another Brick in the Wall (Part 4)

*Minor update-  I reached out to the Hamtramck Music Festival to give them the opportunity to explain/comment and have not received any word back as of this writing.  I will give it the weekend and then start the tedious task of contacting the local network problem solvers.

All I want to know is where did the money go?

Hey all, Metro here, and I thought that I would get straight to the point.  "Where did the money go?" is a popular subject with me as most of you know (and should know better).  But lets step back and recap..... slide down the surface of things.

As most of the Constant Readers know, the 2017 Hamtramck Music Festival was sponsored by the fake charity (at the time) Ben's Encore.  Maybe sponsored isn't the right word.  All the proceeds were to go to the charity in exchange for them letting the Fest use the charity's name for publicity (some would say sympathy).  Thanks to me and my bulldog with the Touch, Alain, that charity was once again legal and on the "up and up" by the end of the year.  What was quietly swept under the rug was that this charity dissolved its association with the Hamtramck Music Festival soon after.  The Fest never even bothered to comment on it.  Are you surprised?

This year, the Fest, lets just call it the HMF so I can spare the typing...this year the HMF had a few other sponsors.  Here are a few of them:  Hype Screen Printing (and the already forgotten Narcan Kit narrative), Hamtramck Review Dot Com (never heard of them), CJohnst...er CJAM 99.1 (never listened to them), Hamtramck DDA, and Smart Ride.  From what I understand (I only got a B in Economics), a sponsor gives money or services to an entity in exchange for their brand/product to be featured by said entity.  It is an even exchange and helps eliminate costs.  Now, add to this the fact that "all" of the bands that played did so for free.  And, add this to the fact that the HMF's Facebook proclaimed 2018's Fest the most attended in its history.  Do you see where I am going with this?

No longer able to trot out ole' Ben's picture this year, the Fest declared that all profits will be going to Hamtramck schools' arts programs.  Okay, now lets go back to the top.  All I want to know is where did the money go?  Now, I'm not saying all of the money didn't go to Hamtramck schools, but then again, I'm not saying that it did either.  Granted, the Fest doesn't haaaaave to disclose where it went to except for the IRS (yeh, those guys again).  But wouldn't it be nice to the sponsors, the bands that did play for free, the Hamtramck community, and especially anybody who paid for a wristband (me included) to know where the money went?  The last post on the Festival's page was from March 20th with them asking for photos taken during the Fest.  Silence since then.  Either they didn't get any photos or they just abandoned the site until next year.  For a goal this positive you would think there would have been a post informing all their Facebook "likes" how many schools were aided by this year's Fest.  Nothing.

Now this post could end now and be a half-decent rant, but wait one second here.  I happened to do some leg work.  Spoiler alert-  If you are on the HMF committee of mystery people, this is the point where you say, "Ahhhh shit."

I was bored and curious and decided to snoop around and the first thing the Path of the Beam took me to was Mrs. Walter and the Hamtramck High School theater department, specifically their CrowdFunding page(s).  I have included the link here:
Hamtramck High School Needs Help

Two things struck me as odd.  Well, three, but we'll get to the third in a minute.  One: That sure is a lot of CrowdFunding projects.  And two:  Not a single donation from the Hamtramck Music Festival.  The last, and latest, project was created March 30th, well after the Fest.  It still has over $1000 to go.  I inquired whether they had ever received a dime from the HMF and they said no, and that they were under the impression that the money was going to elementary schools.  Okay, fair enough.  So I pulled up a list of schools in Hamtramck and made a few (off the record, of course) calls.  None of the schools I contacted had received any money either.  In addition to this, my assistant Alain went through all of the meeting minutes of the Hamtramck Schools board meetings from before this year's Fest to the present (I say thank'ee).  Hamtramck schools publish transparency reports online which include budget, salary compensation, audits, and donations.  There is no mention of the Hamtramck Music Festival in any of these minutes.

Now this is not an indictment of the Fest, but just something that raises an eyebrow.  Maybe I simply missed the school that the money went to. I cry your pardon.  After all, I'm not getting paid for this.  And I have to stress this, god knows our education system isn't going to get the aid it needs from the government.  BTW, Mrs' Walters' latest project is still open until the end of July in case you care where your money goes....
Oh wait that reminds me, one more thing (three) about that.  In early March 50 schools nationwide received $10,000 grants from NBC to assist theater/arts programs, production expenses, technical equipment, and other needs (many other functions).  It's called R.I.S.E. America Grants.  I'll give you one guess to one of the schools that were chosen....You got it!  Hamtramck High School.  This actually is mentioned in the school district board minutes.  Y'know, the same minutes that don't mention HMF.  I also verified it when I saw it on the morning news in early March.  Oh, and just a few weeks later the latest Mrs. Walters GoFundMe went live.  At this point, I find myself asking if a Mrs. Walters even exists.  Alright, that may be a bit too heavy-handed, but you get my point.  So go ahead and rip away.  This post had more actual fact-finding journalism (and common sense) than any other writer in town.

At the very worst, as with Ben's Encore, the Fest will get it together, and make a post saying where the money went, or even worse send the eternal Hamtramck pariah Woodman to comment on the FB post with details because they know I like him.  With tax season come and gone, maybe that's not such a bad idea.  I would actually welcome it being shoved in my face because then A) the money went to the right places and B) everybody would finally know; just like the Transparency logo on the Hamtramck schools website says.  I don't really know what to think if their silence remains.  This blog shuts down on Oct. 8th, so if there is a Fest next year (and we should prepare for the potential there isn't) I won't be covering it, though I hope that it is run by more competent people.  I also hope the artists, bands, sponsors, venues, and fans remember this.  I don't think Queen Kwong is coming (back) to save you this time.  Tell me I'm wrong in the comments.  You can even do it anonymously!!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Is There Anything I Can Do? (A Post About Nothing)

Hey all, Metro here, with a problem.  I have been off and on as part of the local music scene for ten years now, mostly on the edge looking in, but still there; watching.  I am 100% confident in saying that in those ten years I have never found the Detroit music scene to be as dead as it is now in 2018.  Even worse than dead, it is boring.  There is literally nothing going on.
I never thought I would admit to missing the days of CJohnst and Morrow organizing music fests only to fall on their face.  Even though they usually botched it at least there was something to talk about.  Man, those late 2000's Blowouts were fun, even though I couldn't stand over half the bands.  It was the bands I could stand and the connections made that made it so much fun....and interesting.

There is nothing like that today.  I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of local journalism, or even local blogs.  I really think that plays a much larger part than people think.  Some of those comment threads on sites like Eat This City and Motor City Rocks are legendary and actually helped create buzz around bands for good or ill, but at least people were talking.  These days nobody is talking about anything, and that is a fact Jack. And don't say that I don't know where to look.  I shouldn't have to look.  Plus it doesn't help that everybody has turned into (even bigger) wusses.  Nobody can say anything witty, fun, sarcastic these days without being skewered on social media.  Even worse is most sites require comment moderation which is partly the reason sites like Hip in Detroit and Deep Cutz have zero comments (the other half being that nobody reads them).

These are really the dark days, and it will only get worse once this blog shuts down on October 8th.  The local scene used to be so vibrant (for better or worse) but now it is just plain dull.  The bands themselves don't even put forth an effort to promote themselves anymore.  Just a Facebook post for the same people that saw the last Facebook post.  Then once the event passes then its on to the next Facebook post.  There isn't a single consistent local site that provides photos or reviews of local shows anymore, this site included because I don't care about any of these bands.  You have to sell me on it, and nobody is doing any selling.  And don't even bring up Krillin, the band du jour currently being shoved down everybody's throats.  That's just lame, safe Gwar for the 10 year old Special Olympic crowd.  I think the problem is that everybody's so nice these days.
For example, the other week I left a flippant comment on the FuzzFest Facebook page pointing out that the majority of the bands played the HamFest and don't even get me started on Ryan Allen being included on an event called "FuzzFest".  I received a direct message from the event booker actually asking me to be nicer and how hard it is to book a fest especially with not many friends to help.  (My response:  Get better friends).  Here's my point: The previous few sentences were more publicity for FuzzFest aside from Facebook event pages it has received.  Here, I'll continue.  It is sometime next weekend in Ann Arbor. You're welcome.

As I stated in the post title, this is a post about nothing.  Just wanted to vent.  Maybe most of us got old, and the newer bands have zero clue how to get people talking about them.  Maybe its the lack of local blogs.  Maybe its nothing at all and I'm reading it the wrong way.  Any way you spin it you do have to admit that Detroit in 2018 is pretty damn boring.  Feel free to use the unmoderated comment section to say anything I may have missed or something I should check out.  Despite my dickish persona I always appreciate a good joke.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, June 7, 2018

2018 DMA Winners + Photo Blog

Hey all, Metro here.  Sorry for the lack of updates, but I have been hard at work.  However, I always want to provide the best coverage of local music in the city and when it comes to local music one can only think of the Detroit Music Awards.  Since this blog will be shut down on Oct. 8th, say thank'ya, I thought it would be a nice bookend to cover this year's Detroit Music Awards and even help take some pictures on the "red carpet".  I have included some of my shots below in case anybody in the local music scene was not nominated or able to attend.
It was such a joy and surprise to hear the JCM won again! The first one was in 2009 and now in 2018!! Our last year.  I'm tearing up just thinking of the symbolism.  It is an even more amazing achievement since everybody left the band in early 2017 except for E First and the song I submitted was a crude demo with me just crying into the mic.  The song labored on for about seven minutes and its title was "Holy Shit!" (the original title had been "Teenage Pussy" but the band voted it out as being "Too commercial").  Anyway I won, and was the lone member to attend, mainly because I am the only one left.  I don't want this post to be all about me so I will post a pic of me and my 2018 award and then move on to my photo blog...
Ok, I'll be the first to admit that the past year, with the Hamtramck Music Fest and threats of physical violence from people who's resumes only contain "Duhhhh I work at Smalls", has gotten to me, and I am not ashamed to admit that I have let myself go a bit.  And to anyone who thinks that I just took a pic on the red carpet and photoshopped a DMA in there, here is another.  This one with Skid from local rockers Circus Boy.  Hopefully this squelches all doubters...

Knowing the way the local scene thinks, their next thought will be to check the DMA website for proof that JCM won this year.  Don't bother.  I had a long talk with Terri and we both agreed that it would be best not to acknowledge it on their site because then all the haters will come after the DMA's and say they have no real meaning or credibility, and godammit I don't want that on my conscience, especially considering everybody who tried to contact North Central Positronics (a fake company) to get me fired (from a fake company). Detroit hustles harder.  So the physical award seen with me in the two photos above is good enough.  Now onto my photo blog.

So, after winning my DMA I volunteered to help take photos at the Tito's Handmade photo area on the red carpet.  I tried looking out for the Jett Plastic record kid to console him because his label didn't win (and to ask him why he blocked me on Facebook), but didn't see Majors....I mean record store kid, sorry.  If he is reading this what I would have said is "Sometimes you need to lose before you take that big leap and win.  There's nothing to be ashamed about being a loser. And for god sakes, stop letting old men take advantage of you just to get free tickets and photo op's".  Sorry, got a little carried away there.  That's for another blog post.  Anyway, the photo blog, comments under the pics:

I searched long and hard to find that Dave Brisbois guy that always shows up at these things, and by proxy, the Kaliedo girl Chrissy Criss.  No luck this year. I guess she exceeded her three hour makeup application protocol and he ran out of coke two hours before the show. So instead I snapped this guy who is a decent replacement.  Y'know, the kind of guy who thinks an outfit like this is a good idea.  I may look exhausted and winded in my pics above, but I would never do that.
Speaking of me, it is an ongoing joke that this guy (who shows up at every DMA's) is my doppleganger.  Sometimes I can see it but not this time.  This time he decided to be a complete dick and come dressed as my ex.  Everybody is officially out to get me.
I don't really have a narrative for this one aside from this is what most people who attend the DMA's think this would be cool to dress up like.  They probably can't wait for Showtime to reopen.  I do think it was cool that AJ Styles was able to make it though even though he wasn't up for an award.
I couldn't resist snapping a shot of Miss Michigan who looks to be a total doff. Not a pass, not a maybe, total doff.  I don't know if she has any experience in music, but I hope she doesn't because that would make her JCM material. I need a new guitarist.
Speaking of passes, I did run into the gals from Hip in Detroit (pictured above) and tried to make peace after all these years.  The talks went nowhere, but I want to let Sadie and the redhead know that I hope that everything is water under the bridge and they are looking, and most importantly, WRITING better than ever.!
I have no idea who either of these people are, but what I can say is that he in no way has a concealed weapon and she was in no way a rental.  C'mon I just take the pictures.
Was very honored to get a snap of Asian Tim Allen (local guy).
I don't know who these people are either, but they're at the DMA's so they must be somebody.  I included this because of the dude-bro's "Yep....deal with it" grin, and the fact his "date" is a total hardbody.  You have to understand, when taking pics at the DMA's it can get quite exhausting taking pictures of relics, or even worse, people dressed like Nikki Sixx, so I need to get my fap material somewhere. Actually is that the Taylor Chevy girl??!! (Its not).  I would like to punch this guy in the face.  Only because of his shirt.
Finally, I thought it was really nice that school shooting survivor turned media whore David Hogg showed up.  Not sure why, but by that point I was like "Lets get the fuck out of here".

Overall, it was a subdued DMA's, but I am glad I went and was able to document it.  Unfortunately there won't be a 2019 edition because


Thank you Andy (messenger among other functions).
I'll see ya soon!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


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