Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2015

-jr's Elimination Chamber Predictions

As we all know WWE revitalized the Elimination Chamber PPV for the month of May because WWE Network is free for new subscribers. Obviously, Payback was a bit of a drag so why not rebirth a PPV that was nixed a few years back.

The first match is a triple threat for the WWE Divas Title between Paige, Brie Bella, and Naomi. I hope Paige wins because she is Metro's best friend (I have photo proof). However, the smart money is on Brie Bella retaining. Her win will probably be due to a disqualification by Naomi for her hentch-woman, Tamina Snuka, interfering.

Next up is Neville vs. Bo Dallas. This feud seems a bit rushed. Bo Dallas has recently returned following a foot injury. Neville has had a tremendous push since he moved up from NXT and will easily beat Bo. If they want to stretch this storyline out for another month, watch for Bo to beat the shit out of Neville after the match and do a victory lap.

The Intercontinental Championship 6-Man Elimination Chamber Match is a bit tough to predict. There are so many intertwined feuds between Sheamus, Ziggler, and Rusev. R-Truth is a life long jobber so he's out. Ryback has a broken rib so he's out. Rusev get my pick due to the fact that he has had pitch perfect booking from day one. Having him move up the card from US Champ to IC Champ would get him that much closer to main eventing.

The Tag Team Championship 6-Tag Team Elimination Chamber is a new match never done before. I expect the New Day to retain. They have gained more and more momentum since they were crowned heel champs. I can't wait to see what kind of spots Cesaro & Kidd and the Lucha Dragons pull. I just hope the match isn't a 6-minute phone in like the 10 on 3 handicap match on Monday's Raw.

Cena vs. Owens for the United States Championship. John Cena will retain. Anything else just doesn't makes sense. You need one face champ in the company. Kevin Owens has a budding feud with #samoajoe #doff on NXT. It is interesting to have Kevin Owens make the transition so early to WWE. I guess he's just that red hot on NXT right now?

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE Worl Championship. Unless the announce tonight or on Sunday that this match is a no-dq match, Rollins will retain by DQ due to interference by Kane and J&J Security. Hopefully there is a bad ass match beforehand. If Dean Ambrose doesn't qualify as the next Stone Cold, i don't know who does. Hopefully WWE Creative doesn't subdue his antics like they subdue every fucking other thing on the show.

Born Evil

Friday, May 22, 2015

Bryan Metro's Top Ten Mel Gibson Movie List

As requested in the comments from a previous post, one of my nameless, faithful readers requested that I do a Top 10 list of my favorite Mel Gibson movies, so I stewed about it for a bit, jotted down some notes, burned a few books, and beat up my girlfriend (verbally) and have compiled my list.  As always, these are my favorite choices, and may or may not be the best choices.  As always, go start your own blog (or feel free to comment below!!).

Metro's Top Ten Mel Gibson Movies

10. Expendables 3/Machete 2-  Mel's late career foray into cheese/grindhouse has been hit or miss but he was the best thing about Expendables 3 especially with this scene and the fact that he played a Bond villain with a Star Wars fetish in Machete 2 is a-ok by me.

9.  Lethal Weapon 3-  The "least fun" of the Lethal Weapon movies thanks in part to that ill-advised Boyz 2 Men funeral scene where none of the cast seemed to want to be there.  However, it is a Lethal Weapon movie and that stuff counts.  Plus, who hasn't ever eaten a dog biscuit with their pup before?

8.  Lethal Weapon 4-  Much more "fun" than part 3 probably since they went into it without a script and improv'd most of the movie.  Also, introduced Jet Li to American audiences and introduced the franchise team as family concept that Vin Diesel and the Furious franchise has been trying to crib ever since.  Plus, the final fight between Gibson and Glover 2 on 1 vs. Li.  Yep.  Badass.

7.  Payback-  An underrated revenge/noir non-franchise badass role.  Plus Lucy Liu as a dominatrix.

6.  Mad Max-  The one that started it all.  Amazing low budget, bleak, and featuring a young Mel.  If you haven't seen this, you are probably gay (and waiting for next week's Top Ten Nathan Lane movie's list, nothing wrong with that tho).

5.  Conspiracy Theory-  Truth be told, I have not actually have seen this movie.  However, I have seen the following clip way too many times (most of which at work).  So if you take anything away from this post....watch this clip....

4.  Lethal Weapon 1-  One of my favorite Christmas movies, Busey at his peak, and Mel mimicking the Three Stooges at a drug bust.  Opening scene, model babe doing coke and jumping off a high rise set to XMas music, "Go spit!", suicide intervention where the cop is more suicidal than the patient..  I can go on...

3.  Braveheart-  Good movie.  Falls into my category of "I only need to see it once" with Big Fish and a few others.  Oscars all around.  Like I said, I only saw it one time.  And I fapped to Catherine McCormack.

2.  The Road Warrior-  If you haven't seen it well....okay, go see it.  One of the best action movies of all time.  So proud that the Feral Kid grew up to play in our band as The Indian.

1.  Lethal Weapon 2-  It was a tight race between Road Warrior and Weapon 2 and like I said at the beginning these were my fav's not the "bests" and Road Warrior is probably the better movie but Lethal Weapon 2 has a place near and dear to my heart.  It is the most "fun" out of the Lethal Weapon series, despite some choppy third act editing where Mel's character was supposed to be killed off.  Thankfully, that didn't happen. I picked this over Road Warrior because of age; you gravitate to films you can see first-hand. Gibson tormenting the South African politicians during their every day activities remains a favorite (and something some people should be ready for)  And the reaction of Mel after taking out the house with the stilts remains my favorite exhilarating reaction in movies.

So yeah, thanks to the troll who requested the Mel Gibson movie list.  I had a really fun time writing and compiling it.  See everybody Sunday at the New Fortune Fest (we go on at 5:30 but sets all day long).

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Netflix Rewind: "The Dead Zone"

The Dead Zone

At this point in time, anything old I see of Christopher Walken's evokes laughter because every character Christopher Walken plays is a parody of Christopher Walken. "The Dead Zone" is no exception. Adapted from Stephen King's novel, the film serves as a Cliff's Notes adaptation. Strike out the back story of Greg Stillson, strike out the sending of Johnny's mother to a religious commune that bankrupts his father, and strike out the fame and public betrayal of the main character and you get this movie. The handful scenes of Martin Sheen hamming it as a corrupt smarmy southern politician is worth your time alone. There are a few cool effects scenes, most memorable is Christopher Walken combusting in a bed while he's having a psychic freak out. All in all it was a pretty mediocre adaptation in terms of Stephen King books. I gave it 3 stars out of 5.

Born Evil

Monday, May 18, 2015

Show Alert!!!!!!

Coming off a moderately successful performance at this year's Metro Times Blowout, the JCM are pleased to announce that we do have one more contractually obligated show before we enter retirement.  It will be at this year's New Fortune Fest 2
This is a day long fest at the New Dodge this Sunday the 24th.  The JCM will be performing at 5:30pm, just in time for you to stuff your mouth with sausage.  I guess there are a bunch of vinyl records being released and a ton of bands performing starting at 2pm (ouch) to 2am (zzz).

Once again we will be playing at 5:30pm, just in time for us to hit the road and fuck your girlfriends while you are attending the latter half of New Fortune Fest 2.
And by "we" I mean me and -jr.  You see, since this is occurring over Memorial Day weekend the other members of JCM have prior obligations so it is left to the Original Two (of Three) to carry the banner. -jr will be handling beats along with guitar and I will be fumbling through a notepad trying to remember the words to our songs.  Just like 2007.  But don't be dejected, that is still more instruments than you will see from PASSalacqua later in the night.  Seriously guys, when can we put them in the "Zoos of Berlin, Jamaican Queens, Dale Earnhardt J(ew)r. Jr. We Tried to Give Them the Hype but they Didn't Deliver" Hall of Fame.
Anyway, they're playing too at New Forture Fest 2, so if you haven't had the chance to catch the same show they've been performing for years you can!!!!  And if you haven't had the chance to catch the same show we haven't done in years....well, here's your chance.  As always, we don't care what you do, and we win.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Metro's Movie List of 2015

Hey-o!  Now that we're retired from performing live (until our next show May 24th at 5:30 at New Dodge), I have been spending my time compiling the movies that I need to see in 2015.  Now most of these are wide-release "popcorn" movies but I in no way pretend to be a snob who turns their noses at such fare.  All releases are in play for my prestigious end of the year Top List + Honorable Mentions.  This list will probably have a bunch being added to it as more release dates are finalized and some under the radar films are released (My #1 film of last year The Guest wasn't on my radar at the beginning of the year).  I'm starting from January of this year so I may have seen some of these already but fuck it.  I've always been in need of an editor.

Metro's To-See List of 2015

American Sniper- Never heard of it

The Loft-  This generation's Very Bad Things? (but not really)

Project Almanac-  This year's Chronicle?

Jupiter Ascending-  The Wachowski brother's/siblings' latest trainwreck

Kingsman:The Secret Service-  James Bond as graphic novel

Focus-  Margot Robbie sans doffed top

Maps to the Stars-  T-minus 1 on giving up on Cronenberg

Chappie-  Hoping Neill Blomkamp gets it out of his sytem before taking over the Alien franchise

It Follows-  Hype hype hype horror

Run All Night-  Neeson + Harris.  Owe them that much

The Gunman-  Penn as Neeson.  Ehhh we'll see

Green Inferno-  Eli Roth's long delayed cannibal peace corps movie

Furious 7-  Mindless fun + Diesel called a Best Picture win

Ex Machina-  Hot robot love.  Will not search for nudes till after viewing

Unfriended-  Filmed in a single take. Post-found footage

Avengers/Ultron-  Obligated because I watched all the others

Maggie-  An Arnold zombie movie with no action? I'm intrigued

Mad Max:Fury Road-  Hype upon hype.  Thrill me.

Area 51-  I'm a sucker for found footage and aliens

Poltergeist-  Remake is a remake

Tomorrowland-  Brad Bird has a good track record.   Could be this year's Super 8 (not a good thing)

San Andreas-  The Rock versus an earthquake in the main event

Insidious 3-  Horror in the summer. Tempering expectations

The Nightmare-  A doc about sleep paralysis from the director of the Shining doc.

Jurassic World-  Summer movie.  Chris Pratt

Terminator Genisys-  Obligated because of the series

The Gallows-  Under the radar theater geek/horror potential, but probably rubbish

Ant Man-  Marvel's first flop???

Trainwreck-  The long awaited film team up of Bill Hader and John Cena

Pixels-  Having a post 90's Sandler film on here seems dirty but I dig the premise.

Vacation-  So my childhood can completely be wrecked and can kill myself.

The Gift-  This generation's Single White Female??

Mission Impossible-  I'm a Tom Cruise fan and I trust this to be ok

Fantastic Four-  I'm not a fan of the casting but I like "Its clobberin time"

Sinister 2-  I thought the 1st one was really good.  

The Visit-  M. Night returning to low budget roots and a creepy premise

Black Mass-  Hopefully Depp's return to form in a hard drama

Sicario-  Great cast.  Reminds me of Oliver Stone's Savages

Crimson Peak-  Gothic Horror...either generic or really good.  No middle ground

Neon Demon-  The director of Drive and a premise out of a Bret Ellis novel featuring the beauty obsessed

Scouts Vs. Zombies-  Mindless yes...but David Koechner in a zombie movie...

Spectre-  I liked Skyfall.  I will see this. Batista.

The Martian-  Ridley Scott/Sci Fy...I'm there (but with low expectations)

Star Wars 7-  Duhhhhhhhh

Knock Knock-  This year's best The Guest potential.  Keanu Reeves lets 2 girls into his house and....

Hateful Eight-  Tarantino....December.....track record.....cast....

Joy-  Good pedigree and a story that could be meh..but we'll see (that's what movies are all about)

Late Phases-  Always a sucker for werewolf movies

That's it for now.  Many more will be added (but I wont update this initial list) and I'll sort through everything and come up with my best of 2015 list once the year is over.  Enjoy your summer.  I'll enjoy your mom.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, May 15, 2015

Netflix Rewind: "Léon: The Professional"

Léon: The Professional

It has been so long since I have seen this movie. I think the first time was a 2am foray on cable IFC. This is director Luc Besson's second film, his first being "La Femme Nikita". In La femme, actor Jean Reno played a small role as a cleaner (guy that disposes of dead bodies). Leon is more or less an exploration of that character. The film also features an 11-year old Natalie Portman in her first feature film. Basically, her family gets murdered by Gary Oldman's villain (his best villian second to "True Romance"), they miss Natalie Portman, and Jean Reno adopts her. After, he teaches her how to become an ice cold killer. She goes after Oldman and his gang of evil cops. Of course, everything ends in a wild shootout. All in all it was 4 out of 5 stars. I knocked it one star due to a completely absurd scene in the reformatory school at the end. It's really too bad that Luc Besson had only one great movie in him after this ("The Fifth Element") and then churned out nothing but shit after shit.

Born Evil

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Saturday, May 2, 2015

The Fall of Bryan Metro

Out today via Checker's Records Collective

Only 5 Bucks
Available at the show tonight

Born Evil

The Man Comes Around

after 1 year we return

we won't see the sun again for years to come

i can see for a thousand years


born evil

Friday, May 1, 2015

Metro Times Blowout-1 Day To Go......

.......until the very last, final, JCM show.

I'm taking a different approach to covering Blowout this year in that I won't be posting my revue's until after we call it quits at 12:45am at Whiskey in the Jar.  It would be a nice little coda for a come-down after the chaos of Blowout. (And no I don't know what the previous sentence means either).

However....and this is where you come in.  Our set at the Whiskey in the Jar is the only set out of 4 days and 5000 bands that actually has a "TBA" on it.  Actually 2 TBA's.  It is the 9pm slot and 10:15 slot at Whiskey in the Jar.  Well, I say lets have some fun.  If Metro Times was unable to find a band to play this slot then lets take it over.  Bryan Metro's Open mic Blowout.  If your band has already played come on over and plug in.  If your band was not selected to play Blowout then come on over (provided you have a wristband of course cough cough) and plug in.  I may read a few pieces from my debut novel "The Invisible People" while getting a bj on stage.  Who knows.  Its the last night of Blowout 18 and there are two open slots left.  Let's take it over.

As for the JCM, our final show is still set for 12:45am at Whiskey in the Jar.  The one thing I can promise to you is that the Whiskey in the Jar will be in utter chaos, and we apologize to Creep Eye (the only band left standing) in advance.

12:45am-  The Final JCM show....shaping up to be epic.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


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