Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Monday, August 21, 2017

Total Eclipse Update

Everybody out there be safe when viewing the eclipse (also known by its scientific term: "The Sadie").  Be sure to take proper precautions for your eyes.

Metro:  Looking out for you; the more you know; for your health!




From the Iceman Commeth
Bryan Metro

Friday, August 18, 2017

Queen Kwong Update!!!!

Okay, just when I thought it was the weekend.....
Then I see this from Queen Kwong......


I don't even know where to begin......let's start with, "I told you so".  Before I continue, I want everybody who stuck up for this idiot during the Hamtramck Music Festival and threw shade towards me when when I FUCKING POINTED OUT that this person (I decided against "bitch") was the most insincere person in town to look in the mirror.  Take a minute..  I don't know whether to be seething or laughing right now.  Keep in mind that the people (I decided against "assholes") who were involved with the Hamtramck Music Fest/Detroit scene defended her inclusion on the bill, along with numerous articles online from people (I decided against "journalists") saying how her decision to move to Detroit would invigorate the local scene.  Hahahahahahahaha, how many shows has she played since the Festival??????  Okay, take another minute for that one.  And finally, for everybody who turned a cheek and liked everything on social media that she had to say and the promise of an upper-tier local band to get behind, and maybe even....oh god....please.....maybe even on the same bill... (and friends on social media I am indeed looking at you)....well, just ignore all this, I guess.

Okay, I've decided...I cannot stop laughing at all of the egg on the faces of everybody who stuck up for her around town.  Of course you'll just turn the other cheek again, but who cares.  One of the best feelings is vindication and everything I wrote about her being a carpetbagger looking to latch onto a music scene that, lets say, is in an ebb and not a flow at the current time was completely true.  Y'know what.... I have to repeat that quote:  "Let's just say I'm reeeeeally looking forward to spending the rest of the year living in NYC."

Here is a quote from an interview earlier this year when she had something to sell:
"“This place, something feels really good about it. It was something that both of us, while living in L.A., hadn’t felt in a really long time. Everywhere we went people were wearing Detroit stuff – where I’m from that’s a faux pas, but everyone had so much pride for the city and it was so cool. It’s just a good feeling – a community feeling, even though everyone is different.”

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  Detroit Gets Played Harder!

Full disclosure:  I'm not a fan of the Dream Cruise or Trump.  However when something bugs me to the point of "regret", I stand up, use my voice, try to make a difference. Not run away.  I've never run away from anything I believe in in my life.  Been kicked off, yeahhhhh a little, but never ran.  How many Anti-Whatever shows could she have booked before today?  Zeroooooooooo

Oh and there's this....She was asking people to find a classic car for a fucking music video:




So classic cars are cool only if they benefit you.  Kinda like local music fests.  Got it!

There's these doozies too:

Cute cat in the first one, but the 2nd one was a liiiiiiitle too close to the nude pics she took to jumpstart her shit (I decided against "career").
So to be fair, I would assume she's never playing another show in town again, which I'm sure is fine with her.  Palms were greased from the HamFest Committee.  Mission Accomplished.
And once again, local music scene Detroit (and north of...), where else would you find this type of vintage journalism?  Not from Milo (the local one, not the Trump one).  Even if you still sympathize with this creature (I decided against another C word), you must admit that your disappointment with her post about Detroit/Michigan will feed me better than a $2 steak.
Do you want to see a magic trick????  Goodbye Queen Kwong.
Do you want to know how I got these scars?  Tune in next week.

I have included the link to this nitwits public page here:  Queen Fraud in case any local music fans contributed to her nonsense, or played with her (a show!!!! Dirty minds) and wish to let them know how disappointed you are in her blatant anti-Detroit (north, east, west)/Michigan post.
And before anybody says I've been anti-Detroit in the past.  I just want it to be better.  Actually with her skipping town, we are on the right track....


Update:  Metro here.  Just had to update this post with a Kwong "defender" who I guess is cool with a "benign post" where QK reeeeeeally can't wait to leave Detroit.  I'll leave her name out along with the FB link because she likes dogs.  Ok go:



S.L.  Just out of curiosity, what horrible injustice was done to you by her? She must have really fucked you over, huh?? You must know her really well to make these incredible speculations about what she means by one apparently benign tweet. Thank you for filling us all in on what an apparently horrible human being she is!! We are all so much better off now!! What would we do without you?? Oh and a couple questions.... do you even LIVE in Detroit you dumb fucking asshole?? Are you 15 years old and angry that all you can do is jerk off to her photos because she wouldn't give a loser like you the time of day?? And lastly how small is your dick that you actually have to post angry (inaccurate) misogynistic posts about someone YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW??? Now go away you fucking troll. Not one fucking thing you say means ANYTHING TO ANYONE. And if it does, then you need to unfollow this page because the asshole who writes this nonsense has NEVER EVEN MET HER. Think about how fucking asinine that is for just a second. It is people like you dear Arthur (or whatever the fuck your name is) that give Detroit a bad name. It's assholes like YOU who make people not want to live in, visit or do business in Detroit because there are a bunch of angry bitter assholes here that think everyone owes them something which is exactly what your problem seems to be. Try working for something you loser and once you have worked as hard as and have achieved a fraction of what QK has and once you have actually met her then maybe, just MAYBE you will be entitled to an opinion about her but even then I have the feeling that you will still just be a pathetic wanna-be. So fuck off and go away. Your opinions mean nothing.
 


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Bryan Metro's Summerslam Preview!!

Metro here, taking a break from pissing off everybody to shift into the pop culture/fake sportz/"It's still real to me" realm of the Lavender Blog.
This Sunday, the 20th, is Summerslam (and Peter the Freshman's birthday!  Happy birthday salty dog.).  Summerslam is the 3rd biggest pay per view that WWE has, behind Wrestlemania and the Royal Rumble, and ahead of Survivor Series.  It is also the 2nd biggest PPV this month behind McGregor/Mayweather obviously.
After this week's Raw and Smackdown, my interest in the event definitely increased.  They had some good hard sells for some of the matches that just seemed thrown together to get guys on the show.  So I decided to compile a preview of the 12 announced matches.  And....this....is.....it....

First off I find it odd that the IC title is not being defended on the show, so expect a Miz/Jason Jordan/Kurt Angle segment, maybe even to open the main show. Another disclaimer- I stay away from all betting odds sites.
Pre-Show- Neville vs. Akira Tozawa (c)- Cruiserweight Title-  This is the only announced pre-show match thus far, but with a two hour pre-show I expect more matches to be added from those listed below.  My interest increased in this one due to Tozawa winning the title this past Monday.  Will it be a "Lex Luger Special" and only hold it for a few days before the PPV or will he retain?  The CW division needs more "names" other than Neville and this could be the start.
Will win-Tozawa
Should win-Tozawa

Uso's vs. New Day (c)- Smackdown Tag Titles- Update, this has been moved to the pre-show. This also has the potential to be the match of the night, and one that could go either way.  Both teams are great in their current roles, and I have no idea if any other tag teams are on Smackdown these days now that Alpha were separated.  Since I have the Raw tag titles switching, I'm going with the champs here.
Will win-New Day
Should win-Uso's


Main Show-  As I said, some of these may be moved to the pre show.

Big Cass vs. Big Show (Enzo suspended in a cage)- Since the Hardy's and Gallows/Anderson don't have matches, this could be the one they get involved in.  A lot of people are predicting an Enzo heel turn.  I could see that happening as Raw needs more heel tag teams with the Revival out yet again, which plays into a later prediction.  Cass is over as a heel and Enzo is cooling off.
Will win- Big Cass
Should win- Big Cass

Dean Ambrose/Seth Rollins vs. Cesaro/Sheamus (c)- Raw Tag Team Titles- Lets get right to that later prediction.  WWE finally gave the fans the payoff of a partial Shield reunion this Monday with Dean and Seth finally reuniting.  Everyone is now wary of an Ambrose heel turn or a full on Shield reunion during the main event (more on that later).  Me?  I think it'll be a match of the night contender with no shenanigans.
Will win- Ambrose/Rollins
Should win-Ambrose/Rollins


Finn (Demon) Balor vs. Bray Wyatt-  Once they announced this Monday that Finn is breaking out the "Demon" persona this one became one of the more easier matches to predict.  Also, Bray just won clean this past Monday.  No-brainer.
Will win- Finn Balor
Should win-Finn Balor

Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss (c)- Raw Women's Title-  This is another match that is too close to call.  Like with the two tag title matches, I expect one to switch and one to retain.  This is the one where I think the champ retains.  Bayley is a way aways from returning and Banks/Bayley is the money feud, so I think Bliss has this one, maybe due to Nia Jax interference.
Will win-Alexa Bliss
Should win-Alexa Bliss

Natalya vs. Naomi (c)- Smackdown Women's Title- Naomi is a decent champ who the crowd is behind. Natalya is a decent heel who is good in the ring that the crowd can be apathetic to.  Naomi never seems to defend the title, which could be because of lingering injuries, plus she had her Wrestlemania moment.  I think a Natalya win would be a nice career capper.
Will win-Natalya
Should win-Natalya
Dark Horse- Naomi wins and Carmella cashes in.

Rusev vs. Randy Orton-  This is probably the match on the card with the least intriguing build-up, and seems like a match booked to get the guys on the show.  Orton is due for some time off so that points to a Rusev win here, which he needs at this point.  However, that would be Orton's 4th PPV loss in a row this year.  My gut says.  RKO, pin, Rusev crushes Orton after the match and puts him on the shelf.
Will win-Randy Orton
Should win-Rusev

AJ Styles (c) vs. Kevin Owens- US Title match- Shane McMahon as guest referee-  This should also be a great match (and always has).  Then there's that "always has" part.  We've seen it so many times now.  I fully expect both wrestlers to move on to new feuds after Summerslam.  But with whom (I resisted using New Day's "who who who)? As for the match, expect Shane to get involved because that's what special ref's do.  I'm going against my gut here and going with the Gut.  Owens wins and AJ off to Raw in the next Superstar Shakeup.
Will win-Kevin Owens
Should win-AJ Styles

John Cena vs. Baron Corbin-  I have purposely stayed away from any internet commentary/message board feedback regarding Corbin cashing in the Money in the Bank briefcase only to lose.  Me personally, I loved it and made this match (and another) more interesting.  It was one of those "whoa" moments both, when he cashed in, and then when he failed to win the title.  That in itself added juice to a match seemingly thrown together.  This one is a bit tough to call, and with Cena moving to Raw soon, he may get the "W".  I do think Corbin could use the win more.
Will win- John Cena (maybe by DQ)
Should win-Baron Corbin

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal (c)- WWE Title Match- What happened with Cena and Corbin and the MITB briefcase definitely changed my view of this match.  I was on board with Nak winning only to have Corbin cash in.  Now, with that out of the equation, all bets are off.  All roads lead to Nak vs. AJ, but when do they do it? Survivor Series? Royal Rumble? Or hold off till Wrestlemania?  I see them stretching this new feud out a bit here.
Will win-Jinder Mahal
Should win-Shinsuke Nakamura

Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns vs. Samoa Joe vs. Braun Strowman- Universal Title Match-  A case could be made for any of these four winning.  Everybody will be expecting a Shield reunion but I don't see them pulling the trigger so soon.  In my head I see it coming down to Roman and Joe.  I can see a five minute stretch where Braun takes everybody out and brawling with Lesnar into the crowd.  I think their stand-off this past Monday was to gauge crowd interest in a Wrestlemania match down the road, and I think they were receptive,  So flip a coin.  Lesnar "leaves WWE" but is back in time to spoil Braun's Royal Rumble massacre.
Will win-Roman Reigns
Should win-Samoa Joe.

So that's it.  Now nobody has to watch the PPV! Kidding.  It should be a solid show.  Now I have to get back to my P.I. work.  What happened to Dolph Ziggler?
Also, later this week, I will have an essay/prediction for the Conor MCGregor/Floyd Mayweather fight.
Thanks for reading constant readers.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Monday, August 14, 2017

Asia Suck-Saved by the Patriarchy...

Okay, first off, the title of this post is meant as a rib; satire if you will because it deals with a local shit-starter not named Bryan Metro.  Nutso Mock from the Pretty Ghouls has been at the forefront of the psycho feminazi local music scene nonsense (along with Seraphine Collective) for all of 2017.
Well she just posted this...


"Because I literally have nothing".....she left out "in the head".
"hearing why I was upset"..... because you are the first person this ever happened to.
Asia Mock has been nothing but a cancer to the local music scene for a year, spewing hate and refusing to engage in a dialogue without blocking somebody the MINUTE somebody has a rational, well-thought out thought.  To her credit she did offer to meet me at a coffee shop this weekend and threatened physical violence, which is rad.  If it was me doing that I would never play another local show.....oh wait....
I was planning on showing up until I realized it was at a coffee shop and the Loving Touch was a block away (Metro kryptonite).  I did offer to switch it to a venue that serves alcohol because it sounded like she could have used a drink, but she had hit the block button right after she made her threat.  Pussy pusses Harder.

I doubt that receipt is even legit, and if it is, its ridiculous.  I know people, actually myself included, who were in the same spot car-wise.  They all are/did work hard as hell to get above water.  Not mope and whine at their work hoping for a handout.  They went to work, did their gig, and "hustled harder" out of it, not "hustled".
I guess the most frustrating thing about this is her service probably sucks anyway....



From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Punk Rock +BBQ= Hamtramck

The hits keep coming.  As I posted on my Facebook, as of 1pm I will shelve all of the cases that I am working on and try to enjoy the day, catch a movie, stand in the rain with my mouth open staring at a garage, getting some coffee around 9pm at Java Hutt in Ferndale, and just relax.

More and more I am getting messaged with requests from local music people who feel they have been hosed (and after my usual digging, yeah, they've been hosed) along with messages of support from local music mainstays who wish to stay anonymous, and I can understand.  Alright, enough blowing myself and lets get to the real meat of the story.


So it has happened again.  This very day Kelly's Bar in Hamtramck is hosting a "Punk Rock BBQ" event.  And this very day they have started shuffling bands, removing the schedule from the FB event page, and removing acts.  The reason: (stop me if this sounds familiar) Complaints about some of the bands that were never verified.  I can understand not releasing the name of the complainer, but not releasing the content/context of the complaint??? Not willing to work with the act for a resolution??  I understand that the venue can add and remove acts because, duhh, its their venue.  But why add an act only to remove them the day of the show????  Same thing happened yesterday with an act from Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. Same thing happened at Trumbullplex.  Same thing happened with Hamtramck Music Fest this spring.

Here is the event page:    Puss Rock BBQ at Kelly's

I'll give you a minute to click the link and read about the acts playing.  I'll do the same.....
-Whoa, there's no set times???  They were there last week!!!  When is Carjack playing so I can take a piss break?

-Dear Darkness:  Well there ya go.  Don't get more punk rock than that, with all the complaining they do. Having two hair colors does not make you edgy these days.  It isn't 1998 anymore.

-Trite Ignition Screenprinting:  Good lord, this really is a clunker (although I still need a JCM shirt from them; ohhh the irony).

-Once again as of 12:30 THE DAY OF THE EVENT there is no set times posted.  This is Hamtramck these days.  Hamtramck Scrambles Harder.  THERE'S your t-shirt.  Somebody get Trite Ignition on Line 1!!!!!

Update!!!!  The event page changed the comment procedure that all comments need approval.  There is nothing more punk than free speech, so why would they feel the need to censor people's opinion?  Just throwing that out there.....
Okay, done reading?  Cool, me too.  Let me get back to my rant.....

My band played our first ever Blowout show at Kelly's.  It was cool.  Everybody had fun.  Place was filled.  I don't know the owner or booker situation back then, but they were cool, got it, and the staff was great.
These days Kelly's Bar seems to be the illuminati of the local music scene where the same 7 to 10 people huddle in the back room trying to figure out how to profit while fucking over people using phantom, fake complaints, and generally caving in to everything in general; all in the guise of "community".  If that is punk rock in Hamtramck in 2017, then hell yeah, count me the fuck out.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, August 11, 2017

Asia Mock Update!!!!!

So anyway, Asia Mock, the nobody from Pretty Ghouls messaged my advocate whining and bitching about posts (AGAIN UGHHHH) and she actually threatened violence on Bryan Metro (me).  Here lets take a look at the conversation....



Asia- "
You and Robby Sturr can meet me at Java Hut on 9 mile tomorrow. I'm off all day.
Meet me so I can fuck you both up. Please, god do it.
 
Me-  "
Pick a pub and Bryan Metro is up for it. Although he just wants to talk, not "fuck anything up". Yikes!!
It cannot be at at a coffee shop (because really?) but if you can name a pub, Mr. Metro would love to have a conversation. As his advocate I have to tell you he will have a camera crew filming."
 
Asia- "Compile your screenshots. And meet me at the hut. WITH CASH. Because my time is valuable dear. I'll still beat that ass too. That's for free"
 
 
Me-  "
Mr. Metro/Sturr just wants to have a conversation. Threatening violence is not in his interests. And based on recent Pretty Ghouls bookings you have a lot of time.
Let me point out that your documented threats of violence do not show up as pretty to the people in charge (I'don't like them either so there's that).
 
 
 
Decent person.
 
From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro
 

Trumbullplex and Hamtramck Labor Day

Rare, never before, DOUBLE POST....

Bryan Metro here.  Its rare but this post is a double post because I'm pissed off instead of being bored which is terrible for those I am pissed at.  Lets get to it.

Post 1-Trumbullplex
So this safety hazard place does shows.  I would know.  JCM played there around 2010.  It was a nightmare.  So unorganized (I'm talking about the venue, not JCM).  We ended up sitting around for hours on end because of "logistics".  I was with my nutso ex at the time who said she would love to move in there (she was in rehab months later).  It was a terrible experience.  We actually had a band vote to leave or not, a JCM milestone.  

Anyway, my problem with this place today in 2017 is that they have been sucked in to the whole "lets accommodate everybody/exclude everybody" mentality.  They have some shitty show coming up that nobody's probably heard of and 3 days before the show they removed a performer because they are also in a band with somebody with a criminal record.  They were playing solo......criminal dude not playing.  Why book them in the first place????  They then posted on their Facebook the person's name along with links to the criminal history (once again, for somebody not playing there).  Their reason was they strive for a "safe" environment for people.  Are you serious???  So this person may show up and "rape" everybody there?  Then again, they still could show up and rape everybody there, then follow them home, and rape their families.  You should just cancel the whole show, close the venue, and move to Montana.  And believe me, as somebody who has set foot in Trumbullplex, the word "safe" is not the first thing that comes to mind; almost fell through the floor.  Which brings me to this.....

I saw on their page that they are a non-profit.  Well that got my attention as I was the guy who exposed the Hamtramck Music Festival's charity Ben's Encore as being a fraud and not filing proper paperwork for over 3 years (full disclosure; since corrected; Yr welcome). Now you may be thinking what does this have to do with this show. Well, I think tax fraud and not being up to fire code is a little more serious than happening to be in a band with someone with a criminal record. Trumbullshitplx let me know if you would like me to look into Trumbullplex's paperwork to ensure you guys are on the, what do they call it, "up and up".

Now, on the flip side, let's look at it this way.  If you guys are truly "anarchists" as you have said (haha so cute) why pay taxes at all?  Its a no-brainer.  Feel free to also contact me if you would like to not pay taxes at all to stick it to the man.  The fire code thing can also be swept under the rug ($20 additional fee).  But based on how you handled this situation you misspelled anarchists with fascists.  Looks like UFO Factory was the wrong place to get accidentally wrecked...

Post 2-Hamtram Labor Day Fest

Then I wake up today and get a message from a person of interest saying that their band was removed from the Hamtramck Labor Day Festival.
Anyway, my problem with this fest today in 2017 is that they have been sucked in to the whole "lets accommodate everybody/exclude everybody" mentality.  They have some shitty fest coming up that nobody's probably heard of outside of town and 3 weeks before the show they removed a performer because...... whoa major deja-vu moment here......because.....because..... that's where it gets hilarious.

Here is a transcript from the message sent to them.  I also have the screencap because it was sent to me because I am the lone local music journalist in town not names Jeff "everything is beautiful" Milo but I chose not to post it because it includes the name of the person sending it:
"So we've received some complaints about XXXXX playing Labor Day Fest. We're concerned about potential problems that may arise and have decided to remove you from the festival."

Im not making this up.  There was zero explanation of the "complaints" and zero explanation of the "potential problems".  Once again, why book somebody to play only to kick them off when they could be making a living elsewhere????  Just a bunch of pussies.  Everywhere around town, using drama to be white knights.  
Here's a screencap of one of the white knights in case you want to be a true friend and tell them to get their head out of their ass... "Achievement Unlocked" indeed.  You're on my radar.


In conclusion, if the people running venues, booking shows, attending Cowards 101 at Wayne State were around decades ago, doing what they're doing now, we never would have had Alice Cooper, The MC5, Patti Smith ("Oh no she has a song called Pissing in a River!!!  She's off the bill), The Stooges.  Fucking grow up Detroit.  And that's what you call a pipebomb.


Also, Carjack has lost his mind....

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Local Show Bullshit

Okay, so every now and then people message me asking for my talents to be used for the greater good of the local music scene.  Well, not a single god damn person messaged me this week so now I have to go through the trenches....

Found something!!!  Check out this event page!

Ponkeros/Trumbullplex

I was looking around the internet for events I was planning on skipping and I saw the event page for this, and its shoddy cover photo, and wondered out loud (to my 10 cats), why was somebody's name scratched off of the flier??  I asked the page and was greeted by a rather polite comment that when acts leave the bill they dropped off or are removed.....the plot thickens.....

I and my assistants discovered that the act in question was removed because they know somebody who did something, paid the price, and is back in general public.

Let me stress.....because they know somebody.....

So, my grandpappy was involved in numbers running with the Detroit and Chicago mob (rip) so does that mean I can't play a local show?

One of the people behind it messaged me on the event page playing dumb, then once she found out I was researching all this she deleted all her comments.  Everything on the up and up here.  I had my assistant Arthur research her and her FB profile is like a Seraphine Collective application.


  Please note the twerp with the black fingernails (how very 2002 chic) on her cover photo with the homemade shirt saying "Kill your blah blah blah".  Cool, so you're cool with murder??  And as usual....disappeared once when confronted with a logical argument.  Way to go.  The only benefit of this is that it showed me the Thumbullplex was still open.


Edit from the Trumbullplex pussies who blocked me....

Robby Sturr No worries, the post has already gone viral regarding the hypocrisy. I've copied and will update with your comments. Just to clarify, you booked a rape apologist for a show, then kicked them off a show because they were not playing with a sex offender, and now have the public stance.....could you confirm that for me (you really don't have to, I have it already screencapped). Finally, how are you still in business?

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Announcement Pt.2...

Part 2 of my big announcement is tat I have moved into booking territory ala JSB Productions.  If you a local act or a national act or from Iraq please contact me at this page and we will set up a show.  Locally.

Byram Metro Productions



From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Important Third Man Records Update!



"Why wont Third Man Records answer any of my calls??"

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Jukebox