Permutation/Fake/Grift Blowout 2024 Update

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   Hey all, Metro here. Yes, yes, thank you to everyone who sent me the link to the Detroit News article that "Blowout" is back. But is it really? I promised a few peepo that I would least touch on it, and trust me it'll grow as we get closer. As this post goes live, it is late January. This permutation of Blowout is supposed to be the first week of March. According to the (surprisingly) well-written Detroit News article, 18 venues across two days will be hosting Permutation Blowout. One more time, it is late January. Previous Blowouts, Hamtramck Music Fests, and Labor Day Fests, in addition to the Corktown Fest have all taken months to organize. There is a month and a week between now and Permutation Blowout. You tell me that there is a competent booker or collective that is going to arrange this with the caveat that it has value, well organized, and worth your time. If they do, then tip the hat, well done, well played. I remember having a conversation with Anthony Morrow, who worked with the actual Blowout at the very last Blowout in 2015. I can't remember the venue, but a shitty band was playing and we were both dour and morose.

   "This band really isn't any good," I said to him.

   "It just isn't worth the effort anymore," he replied, completely somber and slightly depressed. We then left on good terms noting that we created a lot of word of mouth for each other. That made me happy. I hope he is doing well. But, if this is going to be the same bands playing the same venues trope, then it will go nowhere. The crowd will consist of the bands playing that venue either earlier or later than your act. It is well established that local acts do not support local acts unless they are playing the same show, unless you are Woodman, who is a genuine guy. Tell me when I'm lying.

   Now let's get to the interesting stuff. So the Permutation Blowout is set up to benefit the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. So the people behind the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest are hosting a Fest where local bands play for free to benefit their other Fest later that summer. Hold on, one sec....

You know me, I always dig to see where the money is actually going.

Anyway, let's get back to that whole sponsorship to sponsor something else that we are also running/  grift thing. To be fair, here is the link to the Detroit News article about Permutation Blowout:

         

Permutation Blowout is Back!

The article is well-written and the history aspects are quite fun. However, I have a few serious problems with it...

   First, regarding the original Replacement Blowout/slash/ Hamtramck Music Festival, they never reported any money actually going to the Hamtramck schools. I debunked this years ago, in addition to the tax stuff. They donated art supplies and instruments (they actually had the audacity to post a photo of a box of crayons...), but all of that were also donations. So..... where did the money go?

   Second, and I am going to put this in bold because this is the worst journalism I have seen in, well, weeks. Here is a quote from the Detroit News article: "Hamtramck Labor Day Fest has never had major corporate sponsors unlike other competing events."

Well, a simple check by the best local journalist in town completely proved that wrong. Last year's Hamtramck Labor Day Fest had a total of 14 listed sponsors. It's even on their website. Their website has a fucking link to click on sponsors. Dear god. Of course there were a few I had never heard of like Hatch and the Hamtramck Review, which is where the staff of the Detroit News should really be working at. But then, I saw that it was also sponsored by DTE, yes that DTE, and Huntington Bank. Now for a Fest that, according to the Detroit News has "never had major corporate sponsors", that is pretty darn good. Now I'm guessing by "major sponsors" they meant someone like Elon Musk or Ukraine. Instead, in addition to the lack of (14) sponsors they have to put on a Permutation of Blowout to sponsor their other Fest, and the Detroit News and the writer of the article are caught in a blatant lie. (Should have never banned me from Smalls, despite their Neo-Nazi ties. When we swarm....). Okay, once more, with feeling...

   When we swarm, you come undone. But lets get back to business. To tie it all together, this year's Assimilation Blowout is being sponsored/organized by the cheapjacks that run the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest and Grift Blowout 2024 is meant to "fund" the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest, even though it had 14 sponsors last year including DTE and Huntington Bank. Okay cool. Sooooo, where is the money really going? 18 venues over two nights who could possibly lose business with their regulars because of the wristband policy. And who knows how many bands are going to be booked, and they will all be playing for free. All for the chance to, wait for it..... play for free at the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest in September. I don't know about you, but it just seems a little gross to me. Hold on one second...

   Okay whew, so "Blowout" is back, in some weird fabricated way. I actually hoped that Metro Times would have been one of the sponsors. Oh, the irony. Unfortunately, they are operating out of a shoebox these days. Great job Lee DeVito, your alt weekly is the size of a Kroger circular nowadays. I understand that print media, hard copy, is dead/dying these days, and that really does piss me off. Good lord, this post has so much cynicism in it. We need to lighten it up. So in honor of Fake Blowout returning I have compiled a list of favorite JCM moments from the real Blowout. So, lets roll.

Top 5 JCM Moments From the Real Blowout

5. The Flavor-Aid Final Blowout- The JCM played the very final set at the very final Blowout with the gimmick being the Jonestown Massacre. I had already received the scoop that this would be the last Blowout from Morrow a day before (see anecdote above) and in the weeks leading up to it received a message from CJohnst saying all but one of the other acts have dropped off our bill and that I can go ahead and book whoever I want. It was very poetic. (FYI, all the acts that dropped off have never done anything locally after). When we swarm.... Anyway so, me and tambo player E First filmed a promo video at Loving Touch where we hinted at the theme and actually fake poisoned her daughter on camera. We never released it until 2 years later because it was too brutal. I remember seeing JSB hanging at the bar mouthing, "What the hell is going on over there?" As for the show, it went well. I brought in Mitchell Allen of "At Willoughby" fame and he nailed a killer set. I also made the mistake of including Nancy Negative/Jack Flash/Anastasia Gold/Nick Kelsay who drew absolutely nobody. But his set was good for the people he didn't draw. As for us, we did what we do. During the show we had the street team distribute grape Flavor Aid to the crowd. Some were spiked with Vodka. No poison though.

4. Playing Every Time Slot 2010- We played the first day of 2010 Blowout (more on that later), but went back the second day because unlike every other local act aside from Woodman we support acts even when not booked for the show. Of course we invited ourselves to sit in and play tambourine for four different sets at each timeslot, making us the only act to play every timeslot at a Blowout. Shout out's to Elle and the Fonts, Sisters of Sunshine Vapor, Black Lodge, Troy Gregory, and the last act I can't remember for obvious reasons.

3. The Library Pressure Cooker Blowout- I don't remember what year this was, for obvious reasons again, but it was after the Boston Marathon bombing. It was at the Ferndale Library I believe and we had the gimmick of Spring Breakers. The kicker was we brought a pressure cooker but instead of shrapnel, we tossed a bunch of local act CD's into it. We realistically could have been arrested, but we realistically would have beat it.

2. Our First Blowout 2009- This would have been one year after we started out and the first year we applied. For part of 2008 we tried to play nice, make music, change the world, etc but we soon realized the cliquey, insulated nature of the local scene, and then we became who we still are today: crabby, sometimes mean, always right, critics of the local scene. We also stopped all 2008 shows in a calculated move to create buzz. We never practiced, and I was shocked when we were selected. It was probably the name. Even though the band was only 3 people at the time, me, -jr, and Wang we ballooned our crew to get extra wristbands (and 1) that we gave away. Enter Mitchell Allen who won our online contest and has been a booster since then. See, we can be nice. I performed most of the show with a bag over my head in tribute to the Webvomit/Five Three Dialtone website (RIP), we recreated the Buffalo Bill "Goodbye Horses" scene, and I left our set to catch a shuttle to go to another venue.

1. The Inglourious Basterds Blowout 2010- After our first Blowout everyone expected us to soften, but we just amp'd up the mean critiques of the insulated local scene, which is why we were stunned to be invited to play the next year. For this one I had an entire street team collect as many Metro Times from January to the day of the show. Kentucky Pete did great work, along with loyal assistant and advisor Sebastian Owl, who alone probably collected over 1,000 Metro Times. They would wait until the Wednesday drop off at the Barnes and Noble or a local bar and just take the entire tie wrapped bundle. We loaded all of them onto the front of the stage and started the show with David Bowie's "Cat People" and me with a gas can in a nod to the Tarantino film Inglourious Basterds where the climax had a giant pile of film being set on fire to kill all the Nazis. The sound guy cut us until he could verify that we weren't going to set the building on fire. The show was sloppy, but fun. The crowd loved grabbing all the Metro Times and throwing them/tearing them up. MT had a photographer there and -jr whipped one mag right in his face. After our set, the venue asked us to clean up all the mess. "Of course we will," I replied, a terrible lie. And then we left.

Now That is how you create memories. Looking back on all that history now I realize that 75% of our Blowout performances we implied killing off the crowd: The pile of Metro Times/gas can, the pressure cooker, and the poisoned Flavor Aid. It's less spending (wasting) all your time in studio or practicing. It is more about creating moments. It's about being genuine (and promoting yourself). Many people are scared about honesty, but an equal amount appreciate honesty, even though they might not overtly say it online. Create moments, not basic music. Play something fun! Have fun with the local scene rather than cater to it. That is my advice to you, especially the bands playing the now-doomed Corktown Music Fest, also in March, featuring not one single band I've heard about. I'm sorry but with Lager and Brooklyn Detroit already not participating, that thing is doomed. (When we swarm....). I'll still preview it though because at the end of the day, I am a nice guy, and these newer acts need the exposure. Facebook event posts don't really cut it.

   So that's the post. A nice retrospective of Blowout along with some concerns about this new fake Blowout. I hope you had fun. I did. Oh, I can't resist.

From the Iceman Commeth

The Boy Next Door

Dr. Bryan Metro