tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37883882480321983462024-03-19T01:48:50.593-07:00Jesus Chainsaw MassacreThe Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-17572977503901781402024-03-15T10:40:00.000-07:002024-03-15T10:40:55.643-07:00Fear and Loathing in the ICU, Blowout Preview, Seeing God<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affair's Desk-</div><div style="text-align: center;"><u>The Present</u></div><div style="text-align: center;"><u><br /></u></div><div style="text-align: left;">Hey all, Metro here, and boy has it been two weird weeks. I was gearing up, all goosed up, ramped up to do my traditional local music fest preview, and even was contemplating reviewing it in person as I have usually done, but then Boom. Two days before kickoff of Fake Blowout, I started experiencing chest pains and massive shortness of breath. Now, I have walked from Raiders Stadium in Vegas all the way to the Start at the top of the strip. I walked from Queens to Johnny Thunders' grave which was miles away. I have even walked many a Blowout. I have scaled half of Hawaii's famed Mauna Kea, the second highest peak of an island on Earth. I rose above the clouds as the sun was setting but the sun was setting below the clouds creating an Interstellar-esque mirror image view. This was the only time I have seen God.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFKmXnudh12ZLfTecHewWp_UNMp4FzopHUbzkQOuDlucH6Az04eD3jVRYkebjcV-xw1OfYinfuSjwZO880aG5Fj4NP4HAL_TbSbPM_kY2WrD1WlC1fixE_860KPE46eCGkrKLuqTCP7aKBgkQqV5J8CnpCrNqZhRNZ1cz1xoIkU8PMrHmv1HkLCUxA/s900/mauma.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="900" height="512" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFKmXnudh12ZLfTecHewWp_UNMp4FzopHUbzkQOuDlucH6Az04eD3jVRYkebjcV-xw1OfYinfuSjwZO880aG5Fj4NP4HAL_TbSbPM_kY2WrD1WlC1fixE_860KPE46eCGkrKLuqTCP7aKBgkQqV5J8CnpCrNqZhRNZ1cz1xoIkU8PMrHmv1HkLCUxA/w640-h512/mauma.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Yet now, I could not even walk from the car to the compound without doubling over. I had Sebastian Owl take me to a large medical facility where they immediately admitted me and began testing. First was an EKG on my heart. It came back fine. Now you would think this would be a good thing. It was not because now we had a whole landscape to explore as to explain the chest pains/shortness of breath.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> The first thing was to take blood, copious amounts of blood. While waiting for the results I resumed scanning the lineup for the Fake Blowout to see if there were any connections between a specific act and my symptoms. Let's see.... Cult of Spaceskull (heart rate going up, and not in a good way), Womb Worm (difficulty breathing/choking on laughter), Dude (systems remain stagnant, nothing happens, and nothing happened in the ICU either), Dear Dykeness (heart monitor briefly becomes disconnected alarming the entire floor), Oscillating Fan Club (heart rate down to zero), Mazinga, oh no, not those washed up unironic leftie commies who don't realize the hypocrisy of everything they do and say!!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD4_UWE3ARJI8ve_ADz8I0eX0wj05c8Vo2x0YQ2JRl3nAEbK4OyzPOlMlt9B-mMD9QhE-6AntMSxTbnVlnA6BVJ9Fd2COkHUhy66H-koexvXn2yaHb9eiGUPcWXMmKqI6b4r6OtPY6-hp91sRBIfD4HtpqDHMUY_FH3F4uj6Xo_7F_2KvuPruFBUQa/s956/mazinga.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="694" data-original-width="956" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD4_UWE3ARJI8ve_ADz8I0eX0wj05c8Vo2x0YQ2JRl3nAEbK4OyzPOlMlt9B-mMD9QhE-6AntMSxTbnVlnA6BVJ9Fd2COkHUhy66H-koexvXn2yaHb9eiGUPcWXMmKqI6b4r6OtPY6-hp91sRBIfD4HtpqDHMUY_FH3F4uj6Xo_7F_2KvuPruFBUQa/w400-h290/mazinga.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I immediately start pounding the nurse's call button. Finally the doctor arrived.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Doctor, I believe I have cracked the code," I yell, while waving the Fake Blowout lineup in his face.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "We have more important things to worry about," he says, semi-ignoring me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Well, duhhhhhhhhh, have you seen this pathetic excuse for a lineup?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Metro, the average adult male hemoglobin level should be between 7 and 14," the doctor explains.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Ohhhhhhh that is the perfect act for the next band managed by.....managed by....," the drugs have started to kick in.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Yours are at 3. You should be dead right now."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Well, duhhhhhhhhhh."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "We're admitting you to the ICU where we will conduct more bloodwork, x-rays, a blood transfusion, CAT Scans, and a scope of your esophagus, upper stomach, and colon. We will discuss scheduling tomorrow."</div><div style="text-align: left;">And that was that. I asked the doctor to burn the fake Blowout schedule along with the hazardous materials like smocks from the dead and AIDS related stuff, and then I went to bed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u><b>Title Card: Wednesday-</b></u></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I was in my own room hooked up to five IV's, only one of which did I know (saline zzzz). Might as well toss on an Audra Kubat cassette if you really wanted me to feel bloated. Whatever the other four were didn't even give me a decent drug haze. If I had to go #2, I would have to buzz in an assistant because my legs had already begun to atrophy. If I just have to piss, there was a plastic urinal next to the bed. Most of the times I just peed on the bed. The hospital smocks and socks were sticky like Velcro so what was the point pulling a hip? No fault of mine.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> The doc came in (they were all different) and took me for my chest x-rays, stomach x-ray, and lower abdomen CAT Scan (I never got the results).</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Now they are ready for the blood transfusion," she said.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Whoa whoa whoa, can't a guy take a little break?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "It's simple. You just sit there."</div><div style="text-align: left;">And that is what I did. I just sat there for an excruciating two hours. It was almost like chemo. Finally the blood bag was spent. And then I hear, "We need another one, and order more." So after a total of four bags of blood, four transfusions (well you could count it all as one, but four sounds sexier), I was on my way back to my room daydreaming about what I would do with the GoFundMe money that Amy Rebecca Gore set up for me like she did for Marcie The Bug. I've always been nice, even saying she has the sexiest local nose in town. After getting back to the room they drew what seemed to be all the blood they had just given me, so I watched Sportscenter and fell asleep.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Title Card: Thursday-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"> This was a rough one. After more blood letting (starting at 1am!), they introduced platelets to my IV group, bringing it up to 6. Simply put, platelets are there to react from blood vessel injuries by initiating blood clots. Uh Oh. I tried to explain that I wasn't an 18 year old soccer player in perfect health and no history of blood clots, but to no avail. Adding the platelets a full day after the blood is the equivalent of ordering a whiskey and coke and having to come back the next day the absolute worst, bottom-shelf shit they have on hand. I felt awful the rest of the afternoon. Then the evening came.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> In order to have the colonoscopy section to go off without a hitch, I was to drink an anti-freeze gallon of this stuff that is supposed to totally clean you out. I ordered everyone out of the room and began one of the worst evenings of my life. I figured that it wouldn't be too bad because I hadn't eaten or drank anything the past four days. By 11pm nothing had happened. And then everything happened.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_sw-HA1C7bwZfaesM9bShvvX8xh8ZDqDt_Dll2oxvvIaP0NcsmMsP6tZeLJmh93OqSohCWCv_8gn8xMLEE_hOKnAWz4wok2ysH1beZx3gkzetjeJ5qrCwswKyiAIhytNMx3xNhB2dT6heV06yAUdu71jkOc4Wm_BmcY6wazB8ngBu1fi_tYNxcF4/s440/david.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="440" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_sw-HA1C7bwZfaesM9bShvvX8xh8ZDqDt_Dll2oxvvIaP0NcsmMsP6tZeLJmh93OqSohCWCv_8gn8xMLEE_hOKnAWz4wok2ysH1beZx3gkzetjeJ5qrCwswKyiAIhytNMx3xNhB2dT6heV06yAUdu71jkOc4Wm_BmcY6wazB8ngBu1fi_tYNxcF4/w400-h291/david.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">My stomach started gurgling ferociously so I raced to the bathroom. The attendant called after me but he sounded like he was in another dimension. Either way, the first wave had begun and per usual, there was no one there to help me. I remember using various chairs and poles to drag my lifeless legs to the bathroom, clothes already ruined. I spent the next two hours cycling through waves two through thirteen. I was exhausted and just laid down and just felt bad for the poor guy cleaning up the bathroom. As I slept, wave fourteen snuck in.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPQ7zkbnfyFAIM1GZVewa8aYlWz48jtK2OkTndYZp9eWH48IcFw1bliNZmoiCuMwtZRuhyphenhyphentCPbPrmxFhbVWdr7oluWB8c8W9WJvxaq8np9QS9QoYDKeWLTRZivmQrLhx7bLMgomYXSTr_e7QTdzT7Wu-5sdeVz8dgCtQe9hrKYRqlaayC9iAtT9kFd/s610/bath.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="343" data-original-width="610" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPQ7zkbnfyFAIM1GZVewa8aYlWz48jtK2OkTndYZp9eWH48IcFw1bliNZmoiCuMwtZRuhyphenhyphentCPbPrmxFhbVWdr7oluWB8c8W9WJvxaq8np9QS9QoYDKeWLTRZivmQrLhx7bLMgomYXSTr_e7QTdzT7Wu-5sdeVz8dgCtQe9hrKYRqlaayC9iAtT9kFd/w400-h225/bath.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Title Card: Friday-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Well, here was the big day, a double scope, one for each end. After helping the assistant clean up the bed, they brought me to the examination area which took way too long. Finally, I was moved to the operating area. At first they had an issue with the sedative, so I politely offered them a copy of the Jeff Milo Podcast while recommending earplugs for them. They played a sample of it (I think it was a retrospective of some nobody local act from 2010 that still hadn't made it. Couldn't it be all of them?). As I started to fade into dreamland I noticed that the head resident forgot to put his earplugs in and was starting to nod off as well, so the staff revived him and agreed to use the Milo podcast as an emergency. Thankfully, they were able to get the actual sedative to work, killed (and burned) the Milo podcast, and then I was out like a light. The rest of Friday never happened.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Title Card: Saturday-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"> The first half of Saturday was spent in a dreamlike haze. For the first two hours that I was conscious I was convinced I was back at home. That changed when I heard my first, "Mr. Metro, time for blood work." How many times had this already happened while I was out? The nurse had the audacity to ask if I were a "user" because of how carved up my arms and hands were.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Are you kidding me? Those are all from you guys. You are in every four hours in a new location every time. Check your charts," I am raising my voice, "Okay ready, remember 3,2,1, poke. Thanks." Nothing much happens, so I just enjoy the haze remaining from the sedative, the only good drug I've had so far this entire time. My real mind started to return around midnight, and I realized just how scary it was down here. I was the only patient, along with the desk clerk, and only one orderly. I realized that all the critiques about hospital horror movies where people whined, "Where are all the patients and doctors?" are invalid. They're true. I almost broke out the notebook to outline a short story about a deserted hospital ICU (not involving ghosts; lame), but rather suspense. I still might. It would fit right in with my second book, "Make Up Something", which you can buy here:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://thebp.net/394732" target="_blank">Make Up Something by Bryan Metro & Others</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><a href="http://thebp.net/394732"><img alt="TheBookPatch.com Buy Now style 2 button" src="https://app.thebookpatch.com/images/TheBookPatchBuyNowButton2.png" style="border: none; height: 51px; width: 146px;" /></a><div><br /></div><div>And don't forget about the debut novel, "The Invisible People," which you can get here:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://thebp.net/366940" target="_blank">The Invisible People</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">This is just in case some of you local cheapjack phonies want to contribute to the food/bills/fraud fund. Just kidding on that last one. That one comes later. No psychotic doctor came into the room with a belt made of scalpels so I went back to bed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Title Card: Sunday-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I woke as I was being moved to a regular room outside the ICU. This was a good sign. After getting situated, one of the seven middle-men doctors came to see me. He explained the results of the two scopes and what they did to fix what they could. There were some fissured veins near my upper stomach that they either tied and/or fused to stop the bleeding into the stomach. My liver was still fucked of course, bit there were a few new masses. They did find a 3cm (!!) polyp on my colon that they biopsied and sent out for testing. I should be able to return home soon.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Title Card: Monday-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Of course, it wouldn't be that easy. I woke up with a horrific dry cough and a 102 degree fever. They couldn't release me. Call the blood crew. Call the vitals crew. Call the IV crew. We're starting over. At least I could eat and drink again. Yet, still, a very disappointing day.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Title Cards: Tuesday, Wednesday, & Thursday-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"> More of the same, this time trying to keep the fever down. Also, this was the period where the roaming anti-drinking groups made their rounds and found me. Now I had already made the personal decision that drinking was behind me. Yet that would not stop them. I'm sure their intentions are good, but boy did they pick the wrong time (anytime) to pester me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Excuse me, Mr. Metro, I am XXXXXXXXX and am here to see if you would be interested in joining one of our groups of sobriety. In all my years of doing this I've never seen anyone do this alone."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I began thinking, "Well, I live to prove people wrong. I have a small, insular, circle that have my back, and despite the damages already accumulated, I'll be fine until I say my body's done, not my body says it to me."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> With that said, I want to go on the record saying that I will never become one of "them". I could be a fun help because I am the "fun stranger" not the generic stranger telling the same story as the other guy. So you won't be seeing me wandering around preaching the dangers of drinking. As I said, they are probably good people. I will try the opposite and instead encourage you to do whatever you want as long as it makes you happy. If I notice things getting out of control (my specialty) or if somebody asks for help, then by all means I will be there. I keep the balance.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Thank you for stopping by, been a bad week," I tell him, "Leave any literature you have on my desk. You know, I've always been tempted to attend one of these stranger meet-up's just to see if I can pepper them with all these crazy memories to the point where one of them snaps and goes straight to the bar afterwards."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Why would you do that? That's almost murder."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Nahhhhh, not really, just the flip side of things. Besides it would be a good litmus test of the effectiveness of your group. No charge. Thanks again for coming by. I have your papers."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> After he left a smile crawled on my face, a smile that said, "You still got it." It was time to go.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Final Title Card: Friday-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Discharge day! I was around 90%. No way, never will be again. I had Owl pick me up and I spent my day relaxing along with walking off my weakened limbs. The only downside was that nagging cough which had dislodged my sports hernia. So, I guess I'll be back after all. Just not this week. Selection Sunday after all. And I did it all without a beer, though the results would have been the same.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">*Note- To whoever out there who donated the four blood bags for my transfusion, Thank You. I'm sure if you knew who I was or even read this blog you may have passed. As for you local cheapjacks who only leave the house if they have a new record to shill or somebody booked you on the show, donating blood is a simple way to change a life. Hell, sometimes you even get paid, get free Wings tickets, or you can set up a small merch table to help fall asleep to make the process go quicker.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">- That's it from me from the present. I'd like to think that I kept enough of my sarcastic venom to show that this scare did nothing to change me (maybe a little more depressed), or soften me. It was just meant to be something different. Now let's move on to Part Two, The Past, where I dump my outline for the Fake Hamtramck Blowout I wasn't able to post while in the hospital.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Part Two- The Past</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Metro's Preview of 2024 Hamtramck Griftfest</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here checking in with my first Fest preview. Now I have a high tolerance for pain (oh the irony), and I guess it's festival season again, and the vultures and pigs are out to roost. The month of March hosts two local festivals: the revamped Fake Hamtramck Blowout at the beginning of the month and the Corktown Music Fest at the end of the month. Don't forget about St. Paddy's Day in between! Typical, brilliant strategy that is synonymous with Detroit, but I do find it interesting that they are polar opposites. The Corktown Music Fest features acts I've never heard of AND actually comes out and says that it is benefitting a charity: mi-ucp which has assisted local disabled people within the community for decades. On the flip side, the Fake Blowout is being put together by the shadow people running the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest in order to benefit....wait for it....the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. Last year's Labor Day Fest had a whopping 14 sponsor's, and now they need the proceeds from the Fake Blowout as well. One sec......</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs9OpTVK8l-1Y-E777X05n4h9Q84k-CZp8a50QKhCKkxvMONr8DD6gZIy3qOhGWw8VHkGCa02NVz5MEFa__jlzD4-sloxHBvff6-_lxWm9JvyhPHsdy2FNU-GAtEa2UgRvon-7hhL8mPwkc3GjqRI5fWm9DcpFnFgHMvc0iAEU1fO26iRfU0PPYsqi/s356/mone.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="356" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs9OpTVK8l-1Y-E777X05n4h9Q84k-CZp8a50QKhCKkxvMONr8DD6gZIy3qOhGWw8VHkGCa02NVz5MEFa__jlzD4-sloxHBvff6-_lxWm9JvyhPHsdy2FNU-GAtEa2UgRvon-7hhL8mPwkc3GjqRI5fWm9DcpFnFgHMvc0iAEU1fO26iRfU0PPYsqi/w400-h225/mone.gif" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I couldn't resist. I'll do the Fake Griftout first. It was announced one month in advance, and the schedule wasn't posted until two weeks before. Which leads me to ask, Who is running this thing? Someone, anyone please step forward. I'll play nice. I just have a few questions to ask, stuff like, Where is the money going? I started cracking up when I saw that the Fake Blowout already has 8 sponsors, one of which is exclusive to a venue. Where's the money going? I know the majority of bands playing Fake Blowout are not getting paid so the obvious, canned, answer would be, "Oh y'know the venues, the sound guy. etc," the usual excuses. Everyone else are volunteers.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> So flash forward to Labor Day Weekend when all the Fake Blowout money is gone, either to the venues, sound guy, or committee member back taxes (HAI HAMFEST!). They're probably still paying off the corpses of the Dead Milkmen from last year. I don't know why I bother. As long as the kids who are in a band who are playing to change the world are having fun, then what does it matter? I just want the shysters out there to know, sick or not, I'm still watching you. This is where I usually preview each band for Fake Blowout, but obviously that ain't happening. I do hope everyone had fun too. Well, except for Citizen Smile. I assume they are still humorless poofs. Hopefully I'll be back in time for Corktown Fest's preview. You never know who's down that deserted hallway.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-24497652569592809172024-02-05T06:30:00.000-08:002024-02-05T06:30:59.399-08:00RIP to Wayne Kramer, Elvis, and Uncle Joe. Collecting Receipts<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here. It has been a tornado of a week. I wish I had more of a local music slant to it because that's what most of my readers want, but you pig fucks in the local scene don't give me anything to work with/write about. So I felt obligated to dive deep to give you at least a little bit of content, along with a personal tribute, so let's roll.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I have to start off by saying the personal tribute does not include Wayne Kramer. I almost got a seizure from rolling my eyes at my social media timeline. So first, my take: I am a fan of the MC5, but I am not a fan of Wayne Kramer and John Sinclair. I feel that both of them are cash grabbers and complete phonies, playing a role. John Sinclair is a shitty "poet" (that's being generous), and even worse musician who made his entire life around the fact he was arrested for pot. I do admit the charges were excessive and silly, but on the flip side, Sinclair has made a lot of money based on that incident. Plus, he likes 'em young. His "blues group" (hahaha) completely blows, featuring a hobbled old man wandering around the stage rambling words as the awful band tries to learn their instruments mid-set. Sad.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> As for Wayne Kramer, well word is he also liked 'em young. Plus he was a complete hypocrite in that he embraced the persona of being against "the man", but ultimately he embraced it, and profited from it, shamelessly touring as "The MC5" when he was the only member playing. I actually saw the remnants of the MC5 in 2004, but they were under the name DKT/MC5, a much more honest name. A part of me thinks that Wayne wasn't completely on board with that ca$$, sorry call. I may be a little harsh here (more than usual), but you caught me on a bad week. I will say that Kramer did have some killer licks, especially on the first album and the third. The second album sucked. I can separate the art from the artist. Kramer was a good, sometimes great guitarist. As a person...well next.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"> Back to my social media, I actually was zapped by one of my FB "friends" for giving a similar take on Brother (ugh that's so lame) Wayne, and he replied with a profanity laced rant (the sure sign of losing a discussion) and immediately blocked me (proof that they concede the discussion). What a puss-mist. He plays in that one local band, local geezers Mazinga. We had a fun sparring years and years ago where they got more promotion than anything they could manufacture. They've been around forever and have treaded water the entire time. This dude, still nameless, is a typical stereotype, the aging fake punk that doesn't understand what "punk" means because he is too busy spending most of his time constantly complaining about three year old Trump stories and casually ignoring our current situation, letting most of his opinions be dictated by what other people say on the interweb. Yeah.....totally real hardcore. For the record, I am an independent (look it up) and didn't vote for either. I voted for myself. Are you surprised? His lone redeeming value is not his watered down music but that he seems to be a good father and likes Star Wars, but it wouldn't surprise me if he prefers the recent crap over the old school. There, consider that your receipt.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpCe09gitUPmHObbFQ7ChjaH8QLWKRNDGi7zv-w_46WMLtzuh6GL32eOTBNbvxUbmT4_dLDurFFYfHUICHD5xmeDXOtrhDcNUoijGNLP3E1CXmh9YWCi6xD2KzUW-mgn4WQe0OpuCfHm3ZoPPH_REsP3qefv8C_z5_PKsEyuekwV9TKcNPze0Ea-Az/s956/mazinga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="694" data-original-width="956" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpCe09gitUPmHObbFQ7ChjaH8QLWKRNDGi7zv-w_46WMLtzuh6GL32eOTBNbvxUbmT4_dLDurFFYfHUICHD5xmeDXOtrhDcNUoijGNLP3E1CXmh9YWCi6xD2KzUW-mgn4WQe0OpuCfHm3ZoPPH_REsP3qefv8C_z5_PKsEyuekwV9TKcNPze0Ea-Az/w400-h290/mazinga.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Speaking of receipts, multiple sources messaged me that a former friend of mine, actually my best friend in high school, and one of the top rated Elvis impersonators in the world, was arrested recently on allegations that he groomed and encouraged a 16 year old runaway to meet him at a Motel 6 in Pennsylvania and filled her with drinks, etc. We are at the point where I have to give the disclaimer: Everything I have said has been true. John Sinclair is a shitty poet, awful musician, and overall leech. Wayne Kramer enjoyed milking the MC5 name for personal financial gain (but did have some killer guitar riffs), and this Elvis guy can easily be searched as everything I said is currently true, although I do believe in "innocent until proven guilty". Had to include that. I'm withholding his real name, but his stage name is Matthew Dalla....oh sorry, wrong Matthew. His stage name is "Matt King". As he was starting out I helped a ton in promotion and booking, but once he got his feet wet on the Elvis circuit (yeah that exists) he cut me loose. I'd like to think this is just some misunderstanding with this recent 16 year old stuff, but we will have to wait and see. And that, Matt....is your receipt.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Whew, this post has been a rant filled downer so far, and for that I am sorry. You caught me on a bad week, but lets keep it going, but with a sprinkle of positivity, and maybe an explanation as to why this is one of my "bad mood posts". My uncle passed away last week. Joe Pilot was a decent man, a veteran who served in Korea. He was also a healthy gambler and professional drinker, and there is no problem with that. He didn't write awful rambling poetry, but was twice the professional that the people I mentioned above were. I have been trying to live up to his standards for a bit (gambling and drinking), but I don't think I can do that. Joe liked to hold court at a few local bars and was always surrounded by fellow gamblers and professional drinkers. I sat in a few times and was overwhelmed. These people were betting on every play. I couldn't keep up. The main point is that there was no negativity and everyone was having fun. One could say Too Much Fun. Joe is one of the few that I've known, including Hunter, that was a charter member of the Too Much Fun Club. And he didn't need a $10,000 GoFundMe like Marcie B. to make it happen. Just a few calls every week to family asking for some money ho ho ho. It puts a smile on my face thinking that him and Hunter are out there in the ether placing live game bets on a meaningless college basketball game.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5mzYUEh-tT5vsSFQinGNSVqfuaSNXE4HUh6IJAYQNIQGYU1Q4x9QXEgaEHM0zrr2H2KLqT1UXRWWjPTdDY1WaUknIfr5zD8HQu8OoSEt86Hguno47xOTCwfUtKiVGYxQWPxkQqbazdpaGhYWKIpGdYXU-DqoefISpHvXl9zlEL4OT0B2RCL98JwEn/s1919/final%20joe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1919" data-original-width="1440" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5mzYUEh-tT5vsSFQinGNSVqfuaSNXE4HUh6IJAYQNIQGYU1Q4x9QXEgaEHM0zrr2H2KLqT1UXRWWjPTdDY1WaUknIfr5zD8HQu8OoSEt86Hguno47xOTCwfUtKiVGYxQWPxkQqbazdpaGhYWKIpGdYXU-DqoefISpHvXl9zlEL4OT0B2RCL98JwEn/w480-h640/final%20joe.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Well, that's it for now. Sorry for the early bad vibes, but they needed to be vented and said. Stay tuned to the only local blog that is left for my preview of the fake Hamtramck Blowout. Well, that is, if I have anything to preview. It's less than a month away and nothing has been announced. A month away..... Did they hire the retarded cousins of the Hamtramck Music Festival to organize this? I will also have a preview of the Corktown Music Fest which is brilliantly the same month, but unfortunately will bomb because I don't recognize a single act on the Fest. That's actually good though because it'll make it interesting to preview each act because we all know the same old same old will be playing Fake Blowout. Plus for some of these kids, it'll be the best exposure they get. Until next time, Go Lions!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-53222291173393204832024-01-22T09:17:00.000-08:002024-01-22T09:17:10.787-08:00Permutation/Fake/Grift Blowout 2024 Update<p> From the National Affairs Desk-</p><p><br /></p><p> Hey all, Metro here. Yes, yes, thank you to everyone who sent me the link to the Detroit News article that "Blowout" is back. But is it really? I promised a few peepo that I would least touch on it, and trust me it'll grow as we get closer. As this post goes live, it is late January. This permutation of Blowout is supposed to be the first week of March. According to the (surprisingly) well-written Detroit News article, 18 venues across two days will be hosting Permutation Blowout. One more time, it is late January. Previous Blowouts, Hamtramck Music Fests, and Labor Day Fests, in addition to the Corktown Fest have all taken months to organize. There is a month and a week between now and Permutation Blowout. You tell me that there is a competent booker or collective that is going to arrange this with the caveat that it has value, well organized, and worth your time. If they do, then tip the hat, well done, well played. I remember having a conversation with Anthony Morrow, who worked with the actual Blowout at the very last Blowout in 2015. I can't remember the venue, but a shitty band was playing and we were both dour and morose.</p><p> "This band really isn't any good," I said to him.</p><div style="text-align: left;"> "It just isn't worth the effort anymore," he replied, completely somber and slightly depressed. We then left on good terms noting that we created a lot of word of mouth for each other. That made me happy. I hope he is doing well. But, if this is going to be the same bands playing the same venues trope, then it will go nowhere. The crowd will consist of the bands playing that venue either earlier or later than your act. It is well established that local acts do not support local acts unless they are playing the same show, unless you are Woodman, who is a genuine guy. Tell me when I'm lying.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Now let's get to the interesting stuff. So the Permutation Blowout is set up to benefit the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. So the people behind the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest are hosting a Fest where local bands play for free to benefit their other Fest later that summer. Hold on, one sec....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNHLAp2N_vTeyOKneM4Xbfrh2eQbIOvMv0JZnnNQroAWJHmtBvMfgTjmO7DZHOtNf_5Y9TNhWB87UfGXmDCvgmt0h2hzSDAdg8PBBsFTFOr1uFV7WOda3uTevIoOiyRIL-B7dcbew7AmSTUhZvaKKbmIKzqRzcDQqpHj8AyfkbRtb1anhuLwBz39x3/s2120/laund.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1414" data-original-width="2120" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNHLAp2N_vTeyOKneM4Xbfrh2eQbIOvMv0JZnnNQroAWJHmtBvMfgTjmO7DZHOtNf_5Y9TNhWB87UfGXmDCvgmt0h2hzSDAdg8PBBsFTFOr1uFV7WOda3uTevIoOiyRIL-B7dcbew7AmSTUhZvaKKbmIKzqRzcDQqpHj8AyfkbRtb1anhuLwBz39x3/w400-h266/laund.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">You know me, I always dig to see where the money is actually going.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAjRPw22JZRhjNhWmoWzlD2Wcwt6-Nh9ZEC9QHd7iR0AZmw5kPTEGMK0KCCsCaTMzQQqzGlW3LNkMUhN8_xMV4GuiSxDFBHx6fjgEgm75zIIyiBWkpB5UwoFHPs6zavLU10pNrqUs-rnPpQ6OIfSZUns0iRc-Q2yBL009Yp6ofxi-R4nQ5yqsFmXBv/s1300/lau.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="979" data-original-width="1300" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAjRPw22JZRhjNhWmoWzlD2Wcwt6-Nh9ZEC9QHd7iR0AZmw5kPTEGMK0KCCsCaTMzQQqzGlW3LNkMUhN8_xMV4GuiSxDFBHx6fjgEgm75zIIyiBWkpB5UwoFHPs6zavLU10pNrqUs-rnPpQ6OIfSZUns0iRc-Q2yBL009Yp6ofxi-R4nQ5yqsFmXBv/w400-h301/lau.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyway, let's get back to that whole sponsorship to sponsor something else that we are also running/ grift thing. To be fair, here is the link to the Detroit News article about Permutation Blowout:</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.detroitnews.com/story/entertainment/music/2024/01/20/the-blowout-is-back-one-hamtramck-festival-returns-to-help-another-metro-times-labor-day-detroit/72281809007/?fbclid=IwAR2VJUjrTr8MoJF2NQFliGFWMQYm-gBFaG0SbfLG-xc033CQ835ByzwvL-I" target="_blank">Permutation Blowout is Back!</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The article is well-written and the history aspects are quite fun. However, I have a few serious problems with it...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> First, regarding the original Replacement Blowout/slash/ Hamtramck Music Festival, they never reported any money actually going to the Hamtramck schools. I debunked this years ago, in addition to the tax stuff. They donated art supplies and instruments (they actually had the audacity to post a photo of a box of crayons...), but all of that were also donations. So..... where did the money go?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Second, and I am going to put this in bold because this is the worst journalism I have seen in, well, weeks. <b>Here is a quote from the Detroit News article: "Hamtramck Labor Day Fest has never had major corporate sponsors unlike other competing events."</b></div><div style="text-align: left;">Well, a simple check by the best local journalist in town completely proved that wrong. Last year's Hamtramck Labor Day Fest had a total of 14 listed sponsors. It's even on their website. Their website has a fucking link to click on sponsors. Dear god. Of course there were a few I had never heard of like Hatch and the Hamtramck Review, which is where the staff of the Detroit News should really be working at. But then, I saw that it was also sponsored by DTE, yes that DTE, and Huntington Bank. Now for a Fest that, according to the Detroit News has "never had major corporate sponsors", that is pretty darn good. Now I'm guessing by "major sponsors" they meant someone like Elon Musk or Ukraine. Instead, in addition to the lack of (14) sponsors they have to put on a Permutation of Blowout to sponsor their other Fest, and the Detroit News and the writer of the article are caught in a blatant lie. (Should have never banned me from Smalls, despite their Neo-Nazi ties. When we swarm....). Okay, once more, with feeling...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBILnL2g9mMJ_DTAMRAlSiAYIQvOCCaeMKkQm5xrThpg3FumDAcc5ImwEw0KAoTl5ocYPBFjXiJgUxEHIhbmZ4ME9wwV66po-S89S6kBqmJc2aZd038wCE5R6OXoAXgqnMgBmRST6SdrUs1dW06Qg0-QfoDLGs7GK5JzEzt-piKO1R-rWHlidg20O7/s725/lau1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="407" data-original-width="725" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBILnL2g9mMJ_DTAMRAlSiAYIQvOCCaeMKkQm5xrThpg3FumDAcc5ImwEw0KAoTl5ocYPBFjXiJgUxEHIhbmZ4ME9wwV66po-S89S6kBqmJc2aZd038wCE5R6OXoAXgqnMgBmRST6SdrUs1dW06Qg0-QfoDLGs7GK5JzEzt-piKO1R-rWHlidg20O7/w400-h225/lau1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> When we swarm, you come undone. But lets get back to business. To tie it all together, this year's Assimilation Blowout is being sponsored/organized by the cheapjacks that run the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest and Grift Blowout 2024 is meant to "fund" the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest, even though it had 14 sponsors last year including DTE and Huntington Bank. Okay cool. Sooooo, where is the money really going? 18 venues over two nights who could possibly lose business with their regulars because of the wristband policy. And who knows how many bands are going to be booked, and they will all be playing for free. All for the chance to, wait for it..... play for free at the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest in September. I don't know about you, but it just seems a little gross to me. Hold on one second...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG7oJjwb3KAru6YmICJqlhrt-XNZOeIsLX8FPXPI4EPxP-Uwm3oPADdOIbJV1egiLl6OJw-O3ZJXGSGkBfcnsD86jZa6-Q71z8S9Spt8m5FQ3Q7FX-iM1vUT4hurd5xCM6fo0j3cHuG8scjc6xU2_LG5fO8tpSJz4V55BqXk0C0hkkV8aby1bx-VHv/s450/lau2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="450" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG7oJjwb3KAru6YmICJqlhrt-XNZOeIsLX8FPXPI4EPxP-Uwm3oPADdOIbJV1egiLl6OJw-O3ZJXGSGkBfcnsD86jZa6-Q71z8S9Spt8m5FQ3Q7FX-iM1vUT4hurd5xCM6fo0j3cHuG8scjc6xU2_LG5fO8tpSJz4V55BqXk0C0hkkV8aby1bx-VHv/w400-h266/lau2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Okay whew, so "Blowout" is back, in some weird fabricated way. I actually hoped that Metro Times would have been one of the sponsors. Oh, the irony. Unfortunately, they are operating out of a shoebox these days. Great job Lee DeVito, your alt weekly is the size of a Kroger circular nowadays. I understand that print media, hard copy, is dead/dying these days, and that really does piss me off. Good lord, this post has so much cynicism in it. We need to lighten it up. So in honor of Fake Blowout returning I have compiled a list of favorite JCM moments from the real Blowout. So, lets roll.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Top 5 JCM Moments From the Real Blowout</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">5. <b><u>The Flavor-Aid Final Blowout</u></b>- The JCM played the very final set at the very final Blowout with the gimmick being the Jonestown Massacre. I had already received the scoop that this would be the last Blowout from Morrow a day before (see anecdote above) and in the weeks leading up to it received a message from CJohnst saying all but one of the other acts have dropped off our bill and that I can go ahead and book whoever I want. It was very poetic. (FYI, all the acts that dropped off have never done anything locally after). When we swarm.... Anyway so, me and tambo player E First filmed a promo video at Loving Touch where we hinted at the theme and actually fake poisoned her daughter on camera. We never released it until 2 years later because it was too brutal. I remember seeing JSB hanging at the bar mouthing, "What the hell is going on over there?" As for the show, it went well. I brought in Mitchell Allen of "At Willoughby" fame and he nailed a killer set. I also made the mistake of including Nancy Negative/Jack Flash/Anastasia Gold/Nick Kelsay who drew absolutely nobody. But his set was good for the people he didn't draw. As for us, we did what we do. During the show we had the street team distribute grape Flavor Aid to the crowd. Some were spiked with Vodka. No poison though.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR3TAJY97zXThugEbJj7riAV-mL28o1yVGoDMY8_YAyjblPlYiwJcg3tnA_BRM2GGzUMqnOBygfxNPiDFLhtyDR6CVdYaMqu_HKLcmUPA8wbb-LevBGJZlu7X8VAlrab9JCxJqrOmy830kIdMnlVI1zPimm7F-6Cs3yBQWdlb-gJafk5RKjE97nfQC/s960/jcm1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="540" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR3TAJY97zXThugEbJj7riAV-mL28o1yVGoDMY8_YAyjblPlYiwJcg3tnA_BRM2GGzUMqnOBygfxNPiDFLhtyDR6CVdYaMqu_HKLcmUPA8wbb-LevBGJZlu7X8VAlrab9JCxJqrOmy830kIdMnlVI1zPimm7F-6Cs3yBQWdlb-gJafk5RKjE97nfQC/w225-h400/jcm1.jpg" width="225" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">4. <b><u>Playing Every Time Slot 2010</u></b>- We played the first day of 2010 Blowout (more on that later), but went back the second day because unlike every other local act aside from Woodman we support acts even when not booked for the show. Of course we invited ourselves to sit in and play tambourine for four different sets at each timeslot, making us the only act to play every timeslot at a Blowout. Shout out's to Elle and the Fonts, Sisters of Sunshine Vapor, Black Lodge, Troy Gregory, and the last act I can't remember for obvious reasons.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">3. <b><u>The Library Pressure Cooker Blowout</u></b>- I don't remember what year this was, for obvious reasons again, but it was after the Boston Marathon bombing. It was at the Ferndale Library I believe and we had the gimmick of Spring Breakers. The kicker was we brought a pressure cooker but instead of shrapnel, we tossed a bunch of local act CD's into it. We realistically could have been arrested, but we realistically would have beat it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq02l2dNcaBVdo5uswiuWqLEF-pQX0a1kI7N7zdaxtESMNxAhMgKwJdS738vsSgVunIFetyDD1RfAC57cABNONhxQek3ZrE3L2B3CCpFv5dEgGr-qfn5mDrWI0AxU-fuE1nPF1_wCgz4j4r0YZdkYjwxlNbXJZ-RKJGekD5HRm7JcmipXGwX8VNfHu/s1600/jcm2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq02l2dNcaBVdo5uswiuWqLEF-pQX0a1kI7N7zdaxtESMNxAhMgKwJdS738vsSgVunIFetyDD1RfAC57cABNONhxQek3ZrE3L2B3CCpFv5dEgGr-qfn5mDrWI0AxU-fuE1nPF1_wCgz4j4r0YZdkYjwxlNbXJZ-RKJGekD5HRm7JcmipXGwX8VNfHu/w640-h480/jcm2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKDrOd887-RspdhH833PcNoQdAqYRIZjCerlbULRSj-Tc513m2m7vTjZ11PajEV5rVVgKBhDowW4riCx49BYwt7qihly4ZhExW1bpj2rwR1y1JimU7-KE9mrvTcR4cSa0ecmO9RHt0o31qWJHTN_qBMfl6Q8d7p25VZqquHFvn4Roib3gtDbLxYGLz/s618/jcm3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="618" data-original-width="597" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKDrOd887-RspdhH833PcNoQdAqYRIZjCerlbULRSj-Tc513m2m7vTjZ11PajEV5rVVgKBhDowW4riCx49BYwt7qihly4ZhExW1bpj2rwR1y1JimU7-KE9mrvTcR4cSa0ecmO9RHt0o31qWJHTN_qBMfl6Q8d7p25VZqquHFvn4Roib3gtDbLxYGLz/w386-h400/jcm3.jpg" width="386" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">2. <b><u>Our First Blowout 2009</u></b>- This would have been one year after we started out and the first year we applied. For part of 2008 we tried to play nice, make music, change the world, etc but we soon realized the cliquey, insulated nature of the local scene, and then we became who we still are today: crabby, sometimes mean, always right, critics of the local scene. We also stopped all 2008 shows in a calculated move to create buzz. We never practiced, and I was shocked when we were selected. It was probably the name. Even though the band was only 3 people at the time, me, -jr, and Wang we ballooned our crew to get extra wristbands (and 1) that we gave away. Enter Mitchell Allen who won our online contest and has been a booster since then. See, we can be nice. I performed most of the show with a bag over my head in tribute to the Webvomit/Five Three Dialtone website (RIP), we recreated the Buffalo Bill "Goodbye Horses" scene, and I left our set to catch a shuttle to go to another venue.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFNf8W9F4v2kvZtzhF890Xjk_oe-S3zbPA_v8AGnZmveVsM-9e_sQKSmwnoLtLavAWh_YkAef51et694Q9KuNAKRMyQLjVvhTS4dDAELuNxXe56xL_8amVYI9ZzF_hyaTeZdqsDuBo0BjsM3bcvIPrHdn3HMCEGGg40rGuZ8LHwYr5k0dOCCj_d8SX/s333/jcm5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="333" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFNf8W9F4v2kvZtzhF890Xjk_oe-S3zbPA_v8AGnZmveVsM-9e_sQKSmwnoLtLavAWh_YkAef51et694Q9KuNAKRMyQLjVvhTS4dDAELuNxXe56xL_8amVYI9ZzF_hyaTeZdqsDuBo0BjsM3bcvIPrHdn3HMCEGGg40rGuZ8LHwYr5k0dOCCj_d8SX/w640-h640/jcm5.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">1. <b><u>The Inglourious Basterds Blowout 2010</u></b>- After our first Blowout everyone expected us to soften, but we just amp'd up the mean critiques of the insulated local scene, which is why we were stunned to be invited to play the next year. For this one I had an entire street team collect as many Metro Times from January to the day of the show. Kentucky Pete did great work, along with loyal assistant and advisor Sebastian Owl, who alone probably collected over 1,000 Metro Times. They would wait until the Wednesday drop off at the Barnes and Noble or a local bar and just take the entire tie wrapped bundle. We loaded all of them onto the front of the stage and started the show with David Bowie's "Cat People" and me with a gas can in a nod to the Tarantino film Inglourious Basterds where the climax had a giant pile of film being set on fire to kill all the Nazis. The sound guy cut us until he could verify that we weren't going to set the building on fire. The show was sloppy, but fun. The crowd loved grabbing all the Metro Times and throwing them/tearing them up. MT had a photographer there and -jr whipped one mag right in his face. After our set, the venue asked us to clean up all the mess. "Of course we will," I replied, a terrible lie. And then we left.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtzGKWYIB4dOUhww0e7Z0nZAQNbkyIQXPr5W9_3esnYnd9tGFvUlPk8zNFy3TMy1LDs_dqs48uKPK7iyWevAJ_ZHRAGpIXzBymqCaYyW3yci4XTchQsHLFY1qOPvYqDhlzq1pG9-gNygSzAA6zXdAWM1LFRYVBKTCqgFwYzfjZhcZ8qFYc__FqHzEu/s489/jcm4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="281" data-original-width="489" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtzGKWYIB4dOUhww0e7Z0nZAQNbkyIQXPr5W9_3esnYnd9tGFvUlPk8zNFy3TMy1LDs_dqs48uKPK7iyWevAJ_ZHRAGpIXzBymqCaYyW3yci4XTchQsHLFY1qOPvYqDhlzq1pG9-gNygSzAA6zXdAWM1LFRYVBKTCqgFwYzfjZhcZ8qFYc__FqHzEu/w400-h230/jcm4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Now That is how you create memories. Looking back on all that history now I realize that 75% of our Blowout performances we implied killing off the crowd: The pile of Metro Times/gas can, the pressure cooker, and the poisoned Flavor Aid. It's less spending (wasting) all your time in studio or practicing. It is more about creating moments. It's about being genuine (and promoting yourself). Many people are scared about honesty, but an equal amount appreciate honesty, even though they might not overtly say it online. Create moments, not basic music. Play something fun! Have fun with the local scene rather than cater to it. That is my advice to you, especially the bands playing the now-doomed Corktown Music Fest, also in March, featuring not one single band I've heard about. I'm sorry but with Lager and Brooklyn Detroit already not participating, that thing is doomed. (When we swarm....). I'll still preview it though because at the end of the day, I am a nice guy, and these newer acts need the exposure. Facebook event posts don't really cut it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> So that's the post. A nice retrospective of Blowout along with some concerns about this new fake Blowout. I hope you had fun. I did. Oh, I can't resist.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxF6OfW9rFrFgmT3Vs_sZtILqPYVPjrJOWespoL75eW9YnM3KvotgJnDXYbP378bOtHpSpk-Edg2tBTiAR-Zbm29_WgeEmYhqLezX8a6R42VxWZ81OJ0AeI42QcCHf9wu7C2luw_qjsY7YO0cK25dWlEusazhL3s2lZeOnDNzYoNfI7BlTJloZxhLy/s509/lau3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="339" data-original-width="509" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxF6OfW9rFrFgmT3Vs_sZtILqPYVPjrJOWespoL75eW9YnM3KvotgJnDXYbP378bOtHpSpk-Edg2tBTiAR-Zbm29_WgeEmYhqLezX8a6R42VxWZ81OJ0AeI42QcCHf9wu7C2luw_qjsY7YO0cK25dWlEusazhL3s2lZeOnDNzYoNfI7BlTJloZxhLy/w400-h266/lau3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-8837677556343210172024-01-10T15:03:00.000-08:002024-01-10T15:03:26.458-08:00When We Swarm You Come Undone- 2023 Recap + 2024 Preview<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all Metro here, and yes I am still alive. There was a silly rumor that I had passed that was floating around, but I am still here, just as racist, misogynistic, and cruel as can be (sarcasm). Because we all know that's not exactly true. But sometimes we like to tread the tightrope. Okay, here we go with our recap of 2023 and preview of 2024. As I always do, I'm going to flip the switch and do the preview before the recap because let's be honest, 2023 kind of was pretty boring. No local bands stepped up. Nobody broke out. The same bands played the same (dwindling) Fests and it really was a bummer.. Some acts put out new material and some of it was good, and some of it was boring. Jett Plastic Records unfriended me because I made fun of their Fest (ummmm where have you been the past 10 years?). So, yeah, 2023 was a total local scene bore. Nobody moved the needle, nobody made any waves. It was just bands playing for other bands booked on the same show. The scene is as dead as I've seen it in my 17 (dear lord, get a life) years covering it. And you are all to blame. So that is why we are starting off with the 2024 preview.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">2024 Preview</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Scary as it seems, but there's really not much to look forward to locally in 2024. Metro Times Blowout is dead. Hamtramck Music Fest died a quiet death as the tax evaders scurried to just get away from it all. DIY Fest is three years into being Arts Beats and Eats' little brother. Fuzz Fest has been a dud the past few years, still trying to keep it alive with the tried and true Detroit "Clique" mentality, with the only problem is utilizing bands that are just boring. Same thing with the Punk Rock BBQ thing. Same acts. Same, same, same, same. Boring. Nowwwwww that is where we come into play. The JCM has just released the first single off of our new (maybe last) album, which is still untitled, although I will be pushing for "Holy Shit!" I am very excited to release this song to you here (while allowing us back into the DMA's even though we have been banned). The song is titled "Hornets" and I can say without a trace of smark or irony, one of the top 3 songs we have ever done. And it is also our most accessible song. The vocals and music are by -jr and the spirit animal themes are via Bryan Metro. I will promise you this, you can put out 100 songs in 2024 locally and none will touch this. Quality over quantity. The gauntlet has been laid down. All the other local acts blew their wad in the dead zone of 2022/23. The gauntlet has been laid down. And now I give you "Hornets".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://soundcloud.com/jesus-chainsaw-massacre/hornets?ref=clipboard&p=i&c=1&si=AE22CE8102E74595A6D12FDC5FDF53B0&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing" target="_blank">JCM-Hornets</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfeD30SgaLhM48lbHGjPp4TyeGoLWlngitvI43MSdmuALNajiRLYIVAYeCgRUSlnUowymTFwK3u5IjomEEIzhmdZRduzd3WaBxWnmiO_FlyW-fxtLm-EwlD2WR8oun31fc9mld1gyQ53DveGDgKKUPHQFzy-rgJBkplDJ4j7xkdQKkqebdPksCWiL-/s513/jcm2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="386" data-original-width="513" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfeD30SgaLhM48lbHGjPp4TyeGoLWlngitvI43MSdmuALNajiRLYIVAYeCgRUSlnUowymTFwK3u5IjomEEIzhmdZRduzd3WaBxWnmiO_FlyW-fxtLm-EwlD2WR8oun31fc9mld1gyQ53DveGDgKKUPHQFzy-rgJBkplDJ4j7xkdQKkqebdPksCWiL-/w400-h301/jcm2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">See, I told you. A great song. From us!!!! And of course, the next album we'll be working on throughout the year. And this is the thing that will piss so many people off is that we record 1 song a year, play one show a year, and yet we have more word of mouth, buzz, promotion, and yes, hate, than any other band out there. And we don't have to pay some shylock $500-1,000 to make a record. We don't need a local record presser to press our records (Oh hai Jett and record store kid, the Tony Khan of local....uhhhh record stores). We wake up, we conspire, we create the most buzz in town, and we have been doing it since 2007. The best part is.....we don't have to, and we don't even try. I think that really is the reason many local acts don't care for us. It's not the shit talking, goofball takes, etc. It is because we are more well known than you working every day on your "craft". Hell, I'd be pissed too. So let's get to the 2023 Year in Revue.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">2023 Year In Review</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This segment should be pretty short because, for the most part, 2023 was pretty damn unmemorable. I don't really care for seeing any local bands who have been playing the same show for year. I don't have any interest in movies that put agenda over quality story. I don't have any interest. That is why I put the (mildly narcissistic) 2024 Preview first. There are some flakes, I mean people out there that are convinced they are going to "save the local scene" (Oh Hai Nancy Negative), but let's be real. It's just another stereotype of the local music scene, just another nobody who thinks they are going to change everything but faceplants at every opportunity. Nope. If the most publicity you get is a few mentions on this site you aren't doing shit. But it does provide a good lesson to everyone out there in the trenches: Do better, try harder, and stop making excuses. Chris Oliver and Vellows are a great example. Chris was snubbed by the clique of music for years and he kept at it and is making a name for himself currently releasing way too much content, but is catching on. Good for him. Deserves it, although I wish he would stop whining about his foot. Okay, rant over.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> I will try to make this brief. So, me and my trustworthy, loyal assistant Sebastian Owl compiled our Best/Favorites of 2023. I've done better (nickname in college), but I figured Why Not? Let's roll. Caveat: Keep in mind that "Best" and "Favorite" are two separate things. Some say Kubrick's Barry Lyndon is his best movie, but is it my favorite? Nahhh, just need to see it once. You get it? Got it?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><u>Best Music Experience</u></b>-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: Obviously it would be the summer edition of the Corktown Music Fest where a stripped down version of JCM, along with new backup tambourine player Darlene Schaffer (E First has disappeared) helped to raise over $2000 for the Girls Rock charity.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7OluFGUSZELELTcuCngm5_8YuF_-muG0VZjYoqDAxQhWBvjQPpLlNDMTwO_NbSUhcK7Ws6hjuJKOCFluN8BrBu7NXmkD5wrjKdCm38_5AY0iaIsoSDZOvFzAU_kKg1LLQ0a4_MfMgJoACjKpU4Y7HpsecKtIkgpMi826nxInOpz9rdNZ4Qel9Tw8a/s2048/jcm1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7OluFGUSZELELTcuCngm5_8YuF_-muG0VZjYoqDAxQhWBvjQPpLlNDMTwO_NbSUhcK7Ws6hjuJKOCFluN8BrBu7NXmkD5wrjKdCm38_5AY0iaIsoSDZOvFzAU_kKg1LLQ0a4_MfMgJoACjKpU4Y7HpsecKtIkgpMi826nxInOpz9rdNZ4Qel9Tw8a/w400-h300/jcm1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Sometimes it helps when you promote an event by means other than a lazy Facebook event post. We do one show a year, if you're lucky, never ever practice, and yet still get more heat than your band. I was so happy with the results I even broke out the iconic cross-legged rant pose.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyxjb-u6jwbq-bt8UUrLi2Un_QXG9zRQ81_Ff795M4_KF8WctMxwfr65J8DNkHxS2GCJjG1rmFEpO-xvSbkqjkA2e11vCAP4ZCBNEj5Se4n1sW5fpSs1tLZZ2nUKB7zuAIaxo0PDKBDUkqU0sCFw0ub0aBAsoXB0nLCHHlT7Sh8lIOmUd0Vv1dEuZL/s2048/jcm2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyxjb-u6jwbq-bt8UUrLi2Un_QXG9zRQ81_Ff795M4_KF8WctMxwfr65J8DNkHxS2GCJjG1rmFEpO-xvSbkqjkA2e11vCAP4ZCBNEj5Se4n1sW5fpSs1tLZZ2nUKB7zuAIaxo0PDKBDUkqU0sCFw0ub0aBAsoXB0nLCHHlT7Sh8lIOmUd0Vv1dEuZL/w300-h400/jcm2.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Sebastian Owl</u>: "Queens of the Stone Age/Freedom Hill and Pretenders/The Shelter. Queens are the best working rock band working today and the Pretenders are legends. Bonus is that I didn't have to grovel online begging people for tickets."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><u>Favorite Movie</u></b>-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: "Thanksgiving". Of course it's not the best, but I had such a blast seeing it in an actual theater with Asian bass player Wang Yellowbone and Owl. Sometimes the intangibles make all the difference. It was over the top, had some gruesome kills, but sadly no doffed tops.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>S. Owl</u>: "I'm going with a tie between Barbie and Saltburn."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Wang</u>: "Thanksgiving was fun. Oppenheimer was pretty good as well. Want to give some love to "Talk To Me" as well, a rare non sequel, original horror film. Fuck the Exorcist. That director has ruined two iconic horror franchises. He's like the Eugene Strobe Comb-over of the film industry"</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><u>Favorite Album</u></b>-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: Queens of the Stone Age "In Times New Roman". My favorite album of 2023, and one of the few you could listen to without skipping a single track. Honorable Mentions go to Sisters of We Only Support Events That We Are Booked On Vapor's "Nocturnal Train to Mars" along with The Beggars "Stinks Like Rock and Roll" which managed to survive a horrible title and even worse album cover to be a fun record.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>S. Owl</u>: I got nothing. Maybe the Barbie soundtrack?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: You're fired.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><u>Favorite TV</u></b>-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: I don't watch tv. Sunday Night Football flex games of I had to pick, even though I'm probably losing money on it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>S. Owl</u>: "The Bear or Poker Face."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: I didn't care for The Bear. Too much cursing as a substitution for quality writing. After 15 years in the hospitality industry I could write a better script. I've never sampled Poker Face, but Natasha Lyonne could have been a good friend of mine in 1999.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><u>Best Book</u></b>-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: "Make Up Something" by Bryan Metro</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">S. Owl: "Make Up Something" by Bryan Metro</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Darlene Schaffer</u>: "Make Up Something" by Bryan Metro</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Of course it's "Make Up Something", my second book, easily the best local book of 2023. As expected it received next to zero local support because it wasn't an uplifting story about somebody that had a medical issue and wrote a cookie cutter book about all that, something I could have written in my sleep. Nahhhh, instead, I enlisted over 11 local artists who contributed short stories, poems, even song fragments and tossed in a few of my home cookings, and framed it around a murder mystery. I'll include the link below in case any of you local cheapjacks want to support actual interesting content. We know the answer, and I say, eat shot.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5S9MNAX7JioejmiNQZYwjlS97Jyrb48r8z80MF8XVTKMFTLyV7wD9R0bMuM0EIEP4OinoS8vEDYN3-T5yUvs4huQx4kXnEykib1-UWyRDOpVpdFlGDKuEpe1dGshiLS8DbAOddMDT1jXvQVmwgkLhR-4fb_3goGKdJMw2TJAHlzhAz63rT2bHcucw/s1100/make.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="808" data-original-width="1100" height="470" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5S9MNAX7JioejmiNQZYwjlS97Jyrb48r8z80MF8XVTKMFTLyV7wD9R0bMuM0EIEP4OinoS8vEDYN3-T5yUvs4huQx4kXnEykib1-UWyRDOpVpdFlGDKuEpe1dGshiLS8DbAOddMDT1jXvQVmwgkLhR-4fb_3goGKdJMw2TJAHlzhAz63rT2bHcucw/w640-h470/make.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Here is the link to grab the book: <a href="http://thebp.net/394732" target="_blank">Make Up Something</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This is it</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">All good things/posts must come to an end, so we segue to-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><u>Best Funeral</u></b>-</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>S. Owl</u>: "I would say Shane McGowan. It was the perfect Irish funeral. It was death and joy, and really a celebration of life what a funeral would and be. Traditional Catholic, yet we had people dancing over the pews. Plus, c'mon, Nick Cave, and even that clout chaser Bono. Just perfect."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>: Hamtramck Music Festival. Went out with a......whimper. Very disappointing. The head honchos all split town, along with most of the profits. No bands got paid. In 2023, there was no spring edition. There was no summer edition. They just left like rats. Today's Lesson: Don't poke the Big Dog.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, yeah, that's it for the 2024 Preview and 2023 Recap. Yeah, it could have been better, and you could say it as well because I'm bored. I just wanted to get some content out to you, Constant Readers. Stay tuned for my preview of the spring Corktown Music Fest which I am actually looking forward to because I don't know a single act that is playing it. Sorry, but due to logistics, JCM can't play this one, but that's not exactly a bad thing because one can only preview the same acts for so many times. The time is ripe, perfect, for someone to step up and grab the brass ring. Will it be your band (spoiler alert-probably nahhhh). But if you are out there in the local scene in 2024 and practice and grind your craft, or don't practice at all (it has been done), the door swings both ways. Get that ring. Make the scene interesting again. Or you could buckle under the pressure and effort needed (Nancy Negative, "Ohhhhh god. Ohhhh dear, everyone is out to kill me!!!!!"), and then make up a story about spilling water on a guitar. Spare me. It's 2024. I'm back, still alive, and we are ready to swarm.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgezS-opk5W0-KQMpLnWTUIPwJlkrBLnD9ldKtBf_j6HXYwQeqRZJJ9uduBOjgTGdlD4XxYZeZRgGBT-j4-D01_LJv8zszyQFZ5m0FCMYM1CyvjgBSGYWfErk6eFKeRFpTAI84GbaE2gt3JyE5tgUehqA5vHFTZ3IxBMRRo5ezJzfGiGtnDeYwvrW0-/s960/jcm3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgezS-opk5W0-KQMpLnWTUIPwJlkrBLnD9ldKtBf_j6HXYwQeqRZJJ9uduBOjgTGdlD4XxYZeZRgGBT-j4-D01_LJv8zszyQFZ5m0FCMYM1CyvjgBSGYWfErk6eFKeRFpTAI84GbaE2gt3JyE5tgUehqA5vHFTZ3IxBMRRo5ezJzfGiGtnDeYwvrW0-/w640-h480/jcm3.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">(The photo is satire. The shirts were made by E First and meant to make fun of all the poor takes on us. Keep in mind we raised money for women's health and also ran that sexual predator M. Dallas out of town. Tell me when I'm lying.)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div> <br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-75172845169479010112023-10-30T09:10:00.000-07:002023-10-30T09:10:50.942-07:00Halloween With JCM- A Real Spook Show<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Well, it is officially Fall, my favorite season, and Halloween, my favorite holiday. Unfortunately, I don't have much content for this post because I don't really have much content. But no fault of mine. I have noticed that as I get older and older holidays don't have the same "punch" anymore; Halloween, 4th of July, especially birthdays, and even Christmas. I really wanted to do a local Halloween preview, but there was just not enough to sink my teeth into. Well, almost.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz3nCnnIxmsHnjrRd2E_WntWCtQF-wTxnNVz7J0cfKjV6D4kJZZWt00NAF64ebXp7rvkzd41SZ6G0QqzHnQoYXBHuddtPjVRBsV5LRlGw5_g6zofJWA_6b3ABUkDWjXhasQ3vQCXH0zyx7oUE5QD8Rxoei9CGKRAa0f66ryd-5o5j9YhJvvw6qzfTN/s1280/full_halloween3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="721" data-original-width="1280" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz3nCnnIxmsHnjrRd2E_WntWCtQF-wTxnNVz7J0cfKjV6D4kJZZWt00NAF64ebXp7rvkzd41SZ6G0QqzHnQoYXBHuddtPjVRBsV5LRlGw5_g6zofJWA_6b3ABUkDWjXhasQ3vQCXH0zyx7oUE5QD8Rxoei9CGKRAa0f66ryd-5o5j9YhJvvw6qzfTN/w400-h225/full_halloween3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Yeah, there is still that Creepy Cheapy cover band cash grab at the Crofoot, but I looked at the lineup, and good lord... Usually the bands just suck, but this year the bands that suck (most aren't even real bands, just friends of the booker/venue, world's worst kept secret), but this year the acts they covered suck. Every act seemed to be a early 2000's pop-punk band. Ryan Allen must be creaming himself right now. I honestly don't even know if it has happened already as of this writing because there has been no press or in person accounts that I could find. Zero people covered it, which is expected these days.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Then there is, sorry, was the cash grab that is, sorry was, Theater Bizarre which was cancelled this year. For those out of the loop, Theater Bizarre is an overpriced Halloween experience populated by theater geeks who went to NY or LA for two weeks, bombed, and are now doing silly tricks with fire. Anyway, it was cancelled this year, and a few sources covered it, and a boat-ton of people complained about it. Who knows what really went down, but the official word is that it was because of a double booking. C'mon, who really believes that? Aside from being completely overpriced, they do have a history of wearing out their welcome at venues. I've also heard tax stuff, but we won't go there as that is just some stuff that was told to me and not confirmed, and I'm not getting paid to look into it. Howevvvverrrrr, where's there smoke... Two venues (State Fair and Masonic) have had issues with the organizers of Theater Bizarre. Maybe next year there will be a third because we know they are toast for now. And, of course, there is always the age old question: Where is the money going? Yes, I realize that staging such an event, though overpriced, still costs money. After they were booted from the State Fair I spoke to a few performers and people who worked the show for an article I was too bored to post. Everyone I talked to said they worked for free or volunteered. Sooooo, where is the money going? Typical.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Zoom, flash, jump cut to 2023 and the remnants of Theater Bizarre are at it again. They had a bus tour of something something haunted something this past weekend. For a very fair/foul $65 you can hop on a shuttle, sorry, bus to go to three locations That They Won't Even Say. I purposely waited until Devil's Night to post this because I didn't want to give any of these con artists any free publicity from the most read local blog in Detroit, and also so I could get feedback on what locations they went to. As expected, crickets. I think it would have been hilarious if one of the locations was an alley on Cass. "Years ago, a shadowy figure was sighted here. To this day, some still see him." Actually, I did my job for once, and found a link about the bus cash grab thing.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.detroitnews.com/story/entertainment/2023/10/27/theatre-bizarre-performers-resurface-on-halloween-themed-detroit-bus-company-tour-andy-didorosi/71339762007/?fbclid=IwAR1YcAi2OxOSTB1fS0-CjnbSLVnt95RsI6ui9ruxg1DYxLtqb5f9u5zo_8c" target="_blank">Money Money Money</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It looks like you were paying $65 to ride on a bus with a bunch of "hard passes" to three "surprise" locations: The Congregation Coffee Shop (emphasis on "Con"), The Apartment Disco, and the Lexus Velodrome. Once again, $65..... I have been in and around Detroit for 40 years and been hooked on haunted attractions for over 20 years and I have never heard of any of this. Were they just shipping people to people's houses? Okay, I did my job again and looked them up. Zero history of any haunted activity. Just a bunch of failed theater geeks doing the same shit they'd been doing for years at Theater Bizarre, one big masturbatory excuse for the Theater Bizarre rejects to make a buck. Oh, fuck right off.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">As for myself, I wisely opted out of the bus scam and went to a nearby bar, "The World's Headquarters" for their Halloween party. The following happened and all of it is true...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I decided to go as my go-to costume of Hunter Thompson, which is basically me every day anyways. World HQ was packed, but I was disappointed that there were so few costumes. I honestly was surprised that there were no Barbie or Ken's. I never participate in costume contests because I am the observer and don't like to be seen, so I kept a low profile at the bar. As the costume contest drew closer, and all of the costumes were lame, I briefly considered entering, but decided not to when the bartender, a "Probably", said that the tab was on her because Fear and Loathing was her favorite movie. I had already won the night and ordered a pint.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Since both tambourine players are now off the grid and loyal assistant Sebastian Owl didn't want to go and Wang was drunk on college football and -jr is still in Illinois, I was riding solo, so I decided to make friends. The girl next to me had Pennywise makeup on along with a clown suit, but the costume was form fitting enough for me to tell she was a hardbody. I introduced myself as Bryan, and she as Virginia, "like the state".</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I get it," I replied and could tell she was already drunk. My main concern was that she was alone which made no sense because good looking girls don't go to bars alone unless they are a prostitute, or actually a dude. I did another once-over and concluded, "Yeah not a dude."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> It was at this point some dude in a cheap store bought pimp suit sits to my left, also drunk. He introduced himself as Gary and I erupted into a laughing fit. He was confused. I explained that it was an inside joke and that I covered the local music scene. He was still confused. I then asked if he knew Virginia, who was on the right of me. He said no and I muttered, "Keep it that way."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> The music changed and "Monster Mash" started playing and Virginia was dancing dangerously close to me, but I was okay with it. At this point, two old crones came in, both over 70, both professionally dressed, one with an elaborate peacock shoulder harness, and the other with a silver suit and electric candle. The bar started clapping and I got pissed. I was not the only one.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Look at that noise," I say, turning to Virginia, "They are professionals. They probably hit up every low key costume contest just to collect the money and leave. I don't even know who they are supposed to be."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Oh god, you're right. Fuck those fuckers," Virginia replies.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm always right," I agree.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Virginia starts cackling and I finally realize who she reminds me of: Sheri Moon Zombie. I try to shake this potentially hazardous thought from my head, reconsider, and fail</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You're playing the journalist. Go find out who they are supposed to be," Virginia says, so I do. They tell me (perfectly rehearsed) that they are a Vegas showgirl and Liberace. I look back at Virginia at the bar and she is mouthing "Fuck them", and I give a thumbs up and return.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> The costume contest comes and goes and, of course, the two old Betty's win, but Virginia wins third place. I don't know who second was. She buys me another pint and a shot. I've never done a shot since 2017 so I decide it is time to leave, but I still take the shot. It was the most fun Halloween weekend in years. The moral of my true story is to go out, have fun, too much fun, but be safe, and leave with regrets. And it didn't cost $65.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So what's left? I'm sure some haunted attractions that aren't a coffee shop, a loft, or some other grift are open through Tuesday. Also, we have the Lion/Raiders Monday Night Football on Devil's Night. In Detroit. Tickets are crazy high, but maybe find a pub, and fire it up, fire it up. Ford Field is going to be an absolute zoo. Everyone be safe, but more importantly (yes I said it), have fun. Have too much fun. But be safe.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> And if anyone knows if Craigslist still does the "Missed Connections" thing, let me know. I need to ask someone if they know how to play tambourine. Stay scare Constant Readers!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-21290911648368868522023-10-19T11:34:00.001-07:002023-10-21T18:20:22.790-07:00The Fall...Of the Local Music Scene + Preview of JettBlast Fest<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> All the leaves are brown, and the bands are white. Oh wait, I used that line for the last preview, but by god if it ain't so true. Anyway, Metro here and all the leaves really are turning and the Fall is now upon us. In many ways. The summer really flew by and as things fell apart nobody paid much attention. However, we still have possibly the last "Fest" of the year this weekend, The JettBlast Fest, celebrating 10 years of Jett Plastic Records putting out a ratio of around 60/40 decent stuff.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvBsllkgx44mBQclqgMgWFyr4bgnSKRSTW9P9PVN5YRGLiOapAGYzU3M8ActO2bh4LdCPw85rzEaKm3dmFCLNWNOG88uxPntc9RVJCKD-OdpMZjEngKe8J6WPT_XK4uURihzKSDC8I2zEBgn16SeLly8Fg3oXVRVrBoWRyLAvZlOlqb6FTvnQxQ1Bu/s1440/lee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvBsllkgx44mBQclqgMgWFyr4bgnSKRSTW9P9PVN5YRGLiOapAGYzU3M8ActO2bh4LdCPw85rzEaKm3dmFCLNWNOG88uxPntc9RVJCKD-OdpMZjEngKe8J6WPT_XK4uURihzKSDC8I2zEBgn16SeLly8Fg3oXVRVrBoWRyLAvZlOlqb6FTvnQxQ1Bu/w400-h400/lee.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDN1Xj3WaSVHGtLs8Y0Hz73KXWqQcg8OyR8Tt3Q7ejEqgWnAyvl9ySwOpO4K_wkpoqeMmmfEsSCarOInDjtXmA93dyeIEU79-VoVZLPXGPpXh2axOzkhNuQuwmzZoOHsiz9Rh5_kH3zeEqQW2rorOFP8bQTWdgirI0c2Qv-9ECl7zGkkZaFo1MobH3/s1340/eyes%20wide%20shut%202.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="696" data-original-width="1340" height="332" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDN1Xj3WaSVHGtLs8Y0Hz73KXWqQcg8OyR8Tt3Q7ejEqgWnAyvl9ySwOpO4K_wkpoqeMmmfEsSCarOInDjtXmA93dyeIEU79-VoVZLPXGPpXh2axOzkhNuQuwmzZoOHsiz9Rh5_kH3zeEqQW2rorOFP8bQTWdgirI0c2Qv-9ECl7zGkkZaFo1MobH3/w640-h332/eyes%20wide%20shut%202.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Ten years ago, Jett Plastic was created by Record Store Kid and they have had a pretty good run, and they have a had a pretty good run thus far, much of it via hard work, and maybe a little sprinkle of mysterious connections. I am not going to link them here because I'm done giving them rub from my platform, but the Metro Times has a few posts about this Fest. As expected, they are lazy, awful, and the worst part, boring. Here are some of the award winning quotes though:</div><div style="text-align: left;">"All self-funded" Hmmmm... Interesting how a 14 year old can self fund an entire record label. But anyway, nothing to see here, move along.</div><div style="text-align: left;">"The TROUT set is of particular interest given that it's the first Detroit-area performance in five years."- I've been covering the local music scene for over ten years and I have no idea who these yahoos are.</div><div style="text-align: left;">"With this festival, Jett Plastic strives to provide a gateway (hahahahaha who wrote this?) for those interested in the local scene so they can see artists they would otherwise be unable to."- Also bwaahahahahahaha. So some geezer has-been from Sloan, some "virtuoso" from Ohio, a bunch of ancient local acts that never got over even when they were given a push, and the rest being every band that has played every local fest this year that drew ziltch.</div><div style="text-align: left;">"What were you doing when you were 14?"- Well I was working on not being exploited by [REDACTED].</div><div style="text-align: left;">Like I said, I'm not posting the links to that shit site. Look them up if you want, but they are pandering and boring, and I'm honestly surprised that Lee HackVito hasn't been fired yet. Anyway, this is the only preview that matters, and will be read by more people than the Metro Times.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I was outlining this post, looking at the flyers (there are multiple, more on that in a bit), and it got me thinking, "What the hell happened to the local scene?" Some of the acts on this fest are good, most suck, but every one of them has been played out to death. Where is the new blood? Now, I understand that the purpose of the Fest is to celebrate the 10 years, so I can understand why an act like After Dark Amusement Park is on the bill despite them doing squat in 10 years, nothing to move the needle. To be fair, they moved Jeff Milo's needle...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> But back to my original point, I feel that the local scene is in a hibernation status. The entirety of 2023 consisted of the same bands playing the same fests for the same people, and no variety. Also, little to no acts with people of color (Hai there every fest this year and the WAB). Now I understand that there is little to choose from these days, but if we are trotting out the failed After Dark Amusement Fucks in 2023, then this scene has a serious problem. We may be skipping an entire generation in the local scene. An entire generation. Yeah yeah, the pandemic may have played a role, but I was attending shows before that and it was dead. Now we get the corpses of the Ill Itches who at this point may be in the "Orbitsuns Hair Plug Club" by this point. Is there nobody out there to step up? And if there is, would they be accepted into the local music scene? My best advice would be to leave your ID's at home ho ho ho. So that's what you call a "segue" to the CliqueBlast, I mean JettBlast Fest Preview.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Before I get to the event preview, I would like to give sincere props to Jett Plastic on ten years. Some of their acts got some decent exposure having their content on wax. And also, for an organization being a locally run business that actually made it 10 years. It shows what hard work and knowing all the right people can do!</div><div style="text-align: left;">Before I get to the event preview, I do have to vent just a little bit more. A few years ago. Record Store Kid's dad got angry about something I wrote. I don't remember exactly what it was about, but probably something cutting edge, pimping his kid out, against the grain, likely offensive. Anyway, we hashed it out like professionals, and per the blog's "offensive review" policy I took it down and apologized. He said that I would be on the guest list (+1 drink) at the next Jett Plastic show. Well, that never happened, and I still have my receipt. Why not invite me to a coffee shop in Ferndale like everyone else, pussy? Oh....the preview?<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLoR3zckkNALZGQZYHP-mZZnuHoYcRwP3Gn8KhDMRcQicXvCiAcFklOCn0unATNicIs8twxT6ZGdlfBAikR4rTtTIy1YfOrmY2yTC_S9n_x6B-V2XL4u4cH9s7Wdz7gaSFZbmzJclHx_6tIq4e6qWTSzO4zRdR3ITxmkPa1IZ3ZLDmR28ygmaMiXl3/s691/gary1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="319" data-original-width="691" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLoR3zckkNALZGQZYHP-mZZnuHoYcRwP3Gn8KhDMRcQicXvCiAcFklOCn0unATNicIs8twxT6ZGdlfBAikR4rTtTIy1YfOrmY2yTC_S9n_x6B-V2XL4u4cH9s7Wdz7gaSFZbmzJclHx_6tIq4e6qWTSzO4zRdR3ITxmkPa1IZ3ZLDmR28ygmaMiXl3/w400-h185/gary1.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Okay, as I stated earlier, I immediately caught a problem. So I sent JCM Lavender correspondent Jacob Goldbloom the flyer. He was at the bank trying to clear a cashier's check.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "This fucking thing isn't being cleared," he is frantic.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Just relax. These people don't care. Here is the flyer for the JettBlast Fest this month. Distract yourself," I reply.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Oh jeeze, Sisters of Your Sunshine Vapor are playing. Pass."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Why?" I ask, "I like most of their stuff. Yeah the singer is a pretentious midget, but the other two guys are cool. They put on a good show."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You might as well have Zach Shipps stumble out there exposing himself," Goldbloom replies.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Wait," I interrupt, "I'm looking at the Jett Plastic page and the Sisters are not playing."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Yes they are. They are on the fucking flyer you just sent me."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm looking at a flyer here. They are not on it. Here let me send it," I am frantic, melting down.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Oh shit, this is a different flyer. Which one is the correct flyer?" Goldbloom is also frantic.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I Don't Know!!!"</div><div style="text-align: left;">And that was the conversation. So yes, this is the lone part of the post that isn't satire. They actually had two flyers floating around for the Fest.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqlrfZf5DWG6XielIsVVtuecie8XH7DUwTZNjPxMppFDm0vl8msfCSCE_povjcZK8BEGUVF0DWbA1x5a8wloI6PLAbiOR7HbEzYAvsBTAc2dmLW_L-qFrFsrzQGk_zTMh8gs32GrcAADNLnjbvTT8pca2OsXmxvz_Me58dFooCkKKeoCT8FAjEkoNL/s2048/clique.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqlrfZf5DWG6XielIsVVtuecie8XH7DUwTZNjPxMppFDm0vl8msfCSCE_povjcZK8BEGUVF0DWbA1x5a8wloI6PLAbiOR7HbEzYAvsBTAc2dmLW_L-qFrFsrzQGk_zTMh8gs32GrcAADNLnjbvTT8pca2OsXmxvz_Me58dFooCkKKeoCT8FAjEkoNL/w400-h300/clique.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZGYoVLnp26zdmr18wNNc70Xs8aIzMgaS5oe3Y4HqOl6Bc_sDx3KAqcVVvpU3N-tUweoyVx5Ko-9LQc3ZdazF6VSsgtoUssbqn0zboSHOCJUnHSDadXwSnmdjOKPGYccZwP9qV27WfYg8EW3vfXXMKItq-1wsr_9ejETsDNgTB17X4LaYWG-JXljnB/s1080/clique1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZGYoVLnp26zdmr18wNNc70Xs8aIzMgaS5oe3Y4HqOl6Bc_sDx3KAqcVVvpU3N-tUweoyVx5Ko-9LQc3ZdazF6VSsgtoUssbqn0zboSHOCJUnHSDadXwSnmdjOKPGYccZwP9qV27WfYg8EW3vfXXMKItq-1wsr_9ejETsDNgTB17X4LaYWG-JXljnB/w400-h400/clique1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It is a day before the Fest. Which is the correct one? If they are not playing, then why? Scheduling conflict? Ha ha, just kidding. Is the dwarf singer still trying to join the Michael Mars Honorary "Hey look, I'm hanging out with Marcie Bolen" Club? Neither party has really commented on it as of this typing. Just poof, off the Fest. Oh, the Fest prevue! Okay, here we go. You know the rules: Each act gets one listen or view and I give a short blurb.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Friday- $20</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Fuzzed Out</u></b>- So, I guess this is some geezer from Sloan's new band. Why the need for a new band? It's not like the other nobodies from Sloan are doing anything these days. Just be Sloan. I pride myself on being the Tarantino of SE Michigan and regularly incorporate music and lyrics into my two published books, but I couldn't remember if I had even heard a Sloan song before. I looked them up and realized that I have and that it was boring. I then looked up Fuzzed Out and found a live set. Awful. If you want to save money (because we know the Sloan geezer is getting paid) then just why not hire one of Ryan Allen's shitty knock off bands?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Sister of Your Sunshine Vapor</u></b>- Are they playing? Are they not? Why? Hey, pay $20 to find out.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Michael Weber Show</u></b>- The clip I saw was some twerp making me fall asleep. Very poofy and bad.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Ill Itches</u></b>- I get them confused with the Idiot Kids for all the right reasons. Is this Josh Woodcock's band that hasn't done anything in years? Did he need to come back to Michigan for his yearly bleeding? Should this be called CliqueBlast Fest?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Space Stars</u></b>- I couldn't really find much on them, and I don't have the time to look deeper. Stop wasting my time.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Ricky Rat Pack</u></b>- Perennial lower mid-carder Ricky Rat seems like an okay dude. He does seem bloated, but at least he's consistent. That's my preview.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Citizen Smile</u></b>- I previewed these humorless geeks years ago and they were all torn up because I didn't care for their boring music. They didn't get that the entire preview is just one big roast. So one more "Fuck You" to the nobodies in Citizen Smile. For old time's sake.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Dude/Vellows/The Hourlies</u></b>- I am batching these three acts together because they seem to play EVERY FUCKING SHOW TOGETHER. I don't know if it's some type of weird security blanket, or if there's something clandestine going on. Oh wait. I don't want to include The Hourlies and "something clandestine" and Dude in the same blurb. Redact that. CliqueBlast Fest....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Bitch Kraft</u></b>- They seem to get on every Fest, yet there is not much out there on them. The bass player has absolutely no idea how to play bass, when to sing the words, or possibly where she is. She also looks like my ex, Loretta Scarr. Beware.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Saturday- $20</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Beggars</u></b>- I have previewed this band countless times, so to recap. They are fun-first, party-heavy, and know they are not going to change the world, but just want everybody to have a good time. So basically the opposite of 90% of Friday's lineup.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Amino Acids</u></b>- I've never cared for them. The music is okay, even solid depending on my mood, but this is another act that can't take a joke. Does that t-shirt guy still play with them? I still owe that dusty twerp a receipt for advocating violence against animals. I even forgot his name. Scott something maybe. Boynick? Might be worth $20...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Idiot Kids</u></b>- I get the names confused with the Ill Itches. Looked them up at the Spring Corktown Music Fest (we headlined the summer one btw). Yeah, they are totally getting bled after their set. Along with Woodcock. A non-stop orgy. See you next Wednesday.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNjsEM5x7EIBbpoSqfhdQJfOiLaq7__C0hbWA3Onxpl-rZ8HhIjH_-B36MWhs2XRZU7dnXm025XYUcPLwAtWlRugKjHmzIKcwgFCRWJto-BVMNMhZJCQJ076U7I4DPWVgTPGaCO-O2fd0Sg0gw-63Xjwnpiva4x4t9qRWHs4VYGUKHWjU9J9gzWrIn/s1917/eyes2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1076" data-original-width="1917" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNjsEM5x7EIBbpoSqfhdQJfOiLaq7__C0hbWA3Onxpl-rZ8HhIjH_-B36MWhs2XRZU7dnXm025XYUcPLwAtWlRugKjHmzIKcwgFCRWJto-BVMNMhZJCQJ076U7I4DPWVgTPGaCO-O2fd0Sg0gw-63Xjwnpiva4x4t9qRWHs4VYGUKHWjU9J9gzWrIn/w400-h225/eyes2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Checker</u></b>- Whoa whoa whoa hold the phone. We have our first sighting of people of color!!!!! JSB is going to be so pissed. And they are actually decent. I really dug their tone. Metro approved.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>After Dark Amusement Park</b>- These yahoos have been around longer than I have, possibly. Nothing happened. It didn't happen. And nothing will change. They have a couple of good songs but the drummer kinda sucks. Somebody get Milo a wet wipe!!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Troy Toma & the Lousy Lovers</u></b>- I guess they were some fragment of the Trash Brats. I didn't even bother to seek out a video because I already knew what I would get. That could be a good thing, or a bad thing. Depends on if you got an extra $20.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>John Sinclair and Jeff Grand</u></b>- Who is Jeff Grand? If you are a Constant Reader, you already know my feelings about John Sinclair. He is revered for his stance on pot which is cool. Do what you want to do. He was jailed for it, which actually made his entire career. John Lennon wrote a song about him, but he was on heroin at the time so that can be forgiven. But John Sinclair is kind of a creepy dude who definitely likes them young. Hey he's a perfect fit for this show. I take everything back. But I will stand by that his music and poetry fucking suck. Dollar store Ginsberg if you swap out young boys for young girls.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Trout</u></b>- Couldn't find anything on them really. Both the event page and the Metro Times lauded that this is their first show in five years. I have been covering the local music scene since 2008 and I haven't heard a peep about this act. Rhetoric can be so stupid sometimes. Trout....do better. When in doubt....they probably suck.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Brood X</u></b>- Couldn't find much on them either. I guess they are a bunch of nobodies from Nashville. Their music may be good, or it may not. Pay $20 to find out!!!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Brenda</u></b>- I am not wasting my time looking though 100k youtube and facebook entries for "Brenda". I actually took the time because I am a liar. I found a Brenda Pomroy who has 16 mutual friends, all in the local music half-scene. So let's assume it's her. Not much of music content but numerous animal rescue fundraisers. So, she gets the Metro Seal of Approval.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">There you go. My final preview of the year. Well, that is until Dude, Vellows, The Hourlies set up another joint show. But I won't preview that because like with everything this year.....you've seen it all before. Stay safe and stay scary. Happy Halloween!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDl3tDlWuQdgfD16Y5GJTJePC21GMvr4bIppIPn_DiZ3WbT9XQZw3Lw1r_LznwQCgSekl7GeFkvdWTQDsbYm_9EbsNJc7pYdQq_2nbkIssHhW4Y_9YqRa9Vv12gjJ4MoQH5Mmvnr3FllxNgTQvIAAT5z5_3OohdvIlGi071DeU9TPELi1jLGTEkuEz/s400/eyes3.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="284" data-original-width="400" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDl3tDlWuQdgfD16Y5GJTJePC21GMvr4bIppIPn_DiZ3WbT9XQZw3Lw1r_LznwQCgSekl7GeFkvdWTQDsbYm_9EbsNJc7pYdQq_2nbkIssHhW4Y_9YqRa9Vv12gjJ4MoQH5Mmvnr3FllxNgTQvIAAT5z5_3OohdvIlGi071DeU9TPELi1jLGTEkuEz/w400-h284/eyes3.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-90881534704469650222023-10-14T14:50:00.000-07:002023-10-14T14:50:40.231-07:00Bryan Metro's 31 Days of Halloween List<p> From the National Affairs Desk-</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIAjM-6XHbBF92E1Umbf-FgLPIW5LD8_E9nHKQLzBUo3XyjLR7MhySBxdRXY18Dv-EeMTk7x9niEYoU1nmnZ71pa0Ey1BLg4Ghq38s5E2BhnLOgpOYoGipGYFjh2rlO0Knb_pHnRQj2Y4awIF-gYkPnc0dUUnhIXRPSIGGQWS4UiJOygVwflPg3tD6/s2048/spongefinal1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1362" data-original-width="2048" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIAjM-6XHbBF92E1Umbf-FgLPIW5LD8_E9nHKQLzBUo3XyjLR7MhySBxdRXY18Dv-EeMTk7x9niEYoU1nmnZ71pa0Ey1BLg4Ghq38s5E2BhnLOgpOYoGipGYFjh2rlO0Knb_pHnRQj2Y4awIF-gYkPnc0dUUnhIXRPSIGGQWS4UiJOygVwflPg3tD6/w400-h266/spongefinal1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">One quick take to appease the local Constant Readers. Since nobody really cares about the local scene anymore, allow me to give local nobodies The Orbitsuns a rub. I recently got into a little bit of a "tift" with them because I made some harmless joke about the has-been from Sponge having to always wear a hat these days because he's losing his hair. Petty? Yes. Stupid? Yes. Unnecessary? Sure. But I was bored. They didn't like it, and the usual "He's a bully" brigade came out of course. Here is their official response:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm_DBAy-aHamMSarOkTuul_u_CHmIumW4Qsocx_Ri4IOCZTWyZDTqLrRQM4fcujFAhGYFkZbvXTlZD5DisLdNLoQ4iunHWCUY9p7eoJncAsfHeBPFdMOgIBMQNGOWaIi1uHzNXPpb1SbJ1K7TVix8Zr9GtryySvrYBRkD42tROsK2pGWWDSLiYmSU0/s760/orbit.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="160" data-original-width="760" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm_DBAy-aHamMSarOkTuul_u_CHmIumW4Qsocx_Ri4IOCZTWyZDTqLrRQM4fcujFAhGYFkZbvXTlZD5DisLdNLoQ4iunHWCUY9p7eoJncAsfHeBPFdMOgIBMQNGOWaIi1uHzNXPpb1SbJ1K7TVix8Zr9GtryySvrYBRkD42tROsK2pGWWDSLiYmSU0/w640-h134/orbit.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"> Hmmmm, ripping on my readership is par for the course, too easy, and always wrong. Whoever runs the Orbitsuns FB account probably has as many brain cells as Vinnie has hair follicles. It has never been about getting "likes". I think the lack of likes is a badge of honor because I monitor the readers, even though I make no money off this site. If we would have enabled advertising a decade ago, we'd be sitting on a gold mine. The reason why people don't "like" individual posts is because if some maroon haired white knight sees that "like" then they will flag that person as someone who agrees with us and rip their band, restaurant, anything as being a supporter of whatever hot button topic that week's is.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And here's another gem. They made a point to bring up the "hit pieces on dead people". That grabbed my attention for a few reasons. One, I assume they are referring to Rodriguez and the posts I made around the time of his passing. Two, I forgot I had taken them down for editing, along with the requests to put them back up. They are now back up. Three, The Orbitsuns just might have been a little salty because they played the Weekend at Rodriguez's birthday show. You know, the show where they knew he was in poor health. And here's the best part. The Orbitsuns got paid to play the show. Now as a tribute, a celebration, a real wild time for somebody who has lived a life, I think just playing it would be enough of a rub. Pro Bono, y'know? But no, The Orbitsuns accepted money for playing that show. Just gross.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Finally, the JCM did a show with them last year when the New Dodge was changing ownership. There was zero interaction (probably because -jr and a lit E First were present). They pulled the whole "not supporting any other local acts and load in 10 minutes before our set" routine. We just made fun of them the entire time. And yes Vinnie was wearing the hat. Do the math, the Orbitsuns are archaic, has-been frauds. Now let's get to the fun stuff.</div><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">Hey all, Metro here. I can't believe it is already October. What really happened with the summer? Nothing happened. Well, aside from the Corktown Music Festival that we headlined that raised thousands of dollars for Girls Rock Detroit. But yet, we are still the bad guys. I'm fine with that. But holy smokes, not only is summer over but we are already in to October! Which means that my social media timelines have been inundated with "My 31 Days of Halloween" movie lists. And hey, I love it. Sometimes, I find a hidden gem that I haven't seen. So that is basically the crux of October's Lavender post. Bryan Metro's 31 Days of Halloween. I hope you find a few hidden gems in here. Who doesn't dig a good spook now and then. Enjoy the season!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 1st- <b><u>Philadelphia</u></b>- Tom Hanks stars in a virtuoso performance of somebody with AIDS.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 2nd- <b><u>Schindler's List</u></b>- Liam Neeson stars as this guy who saves a bunch of Jewish people while Ralph Fiennes does his best to try to kill all of them.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 3rd- <u><b>Hoop Dreams</b></u>- Hey, Oct. 3rd! That's my birthday! And what better way to celebrate it with an acclaimed documentary about some guys who wanted to play basketball and nothing really happens.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 4th- <b><u>Caddyshack 2</u></b>- Jackie Mason is so unfunny in this movie it is horrific.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 5th- <b><u>Kramer Vs. Kramer</u></b>- Such a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of getting married and having kids.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 6th- <b><u>Dallas Buyer's Club</u></b>- Another movie about this guy who has AIDS. Added bonus is the insight about the pharmaceutical industry. Horrific.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 7th- <b><u>Toy Story 3</u></b>- This movie made Eli Roth cry. Nuff said.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 8th- <b><u>Freddie Got Fingered</u></b>- Some have called this the most horrific movie ever made. I find it hilarious. My ex sat stone-faced while watching it. After 15 minutes she exclaimed, "I don't understand how you can find this funny." Call me Quincy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 9th- <b><u>Leaving Las Vegas</u></b>- A terrifying look at the effects of alcoholism and fantasizing about vintage Elizabeth Shue. This is a movie I cannot relate to.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 10th- <b><u>No Holds Barred</u></b>- This Hulk Hogan feature features a scene where one of the baddies shits themselves. This entry is for K Pete. Love ya.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 11th- <b><u>Turner and Hooch</u></b>- This film has one of the most horrific endings especially if you are a kid. K-9 starring Jim Belushi is 10 times better.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 12th- <b><u>12 Years A Slave</u></b>- A true horror movie if you were ever a slave.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 13th- <b><u>Rocky 5</u></b>- Truly horrific what happened to the franchise after 1-4. Even Stallone gave it zero stars. I did enjoy the bare knuckle fight between Rocky and Tommy Morrison at the end.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 14th- <b><u>Death Wish 3</u></b>- It really is horrifying how an entire city in modern times can consist of a few citizens and the rest being punks throwing poor Martin Balsam off of a balcony. Granted for some reason he had a grade-A helicopter gun, but still.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct 15th- <b><u>National Lampoons Vegas Vacation</u></b>- Not exactly true horror, but when Clark loses all of his money and has to go to the cheapjack casino on the outskirts of town...well, let me say that is scarier than being possessed by Pazuzu.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct 16th- <b><u>Brian's Song</u></b>- Dude gets cancer and dies.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 17th- <b><u>Kids</u></b>- The horrors of kids in the 90's. Also AIDS. Also I bet the set had a great "catering" area.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct 18th- <b><u>Showgirls</u></b>- I tried to keep this list mostly horror movies but I had to include a comedy. I remember sneaking in to see this at Star Fairlane (ha like they have security) in 1995. As a fan of Elizabeth Berkley's work let me tell you, I got every penny's worth.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 19th- <b><u>Punisher:Warzone</u></b>- Come for the deep character insight. Leave with some of the most ridiculous death scenes in film. I highly recommend this movie.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 20th- <b><u>Flesh Gordon</u></b>- My pops had this on VHS and one day I popped it in. It ended up being the pornographic version. I was 8.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 21st- <b><u>The Rules of Attraction</u></b>- For any of the Constant Readers who have ever gone to college you know what I mean.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 22nd- <b><u>Beyond the Mat</u></b>- An actually pretty good documentary about wrestling where some guys who just wanted to play basketball and nothing happens. Oh wait, wrong movie. Jake the Snake does crack.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 23rd- <b><u>Wizard of Oz</u></b>- Only thing scarier than angry monkeys is FLYING angry monkeys.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 24th- <b><u>Rambo 4</u></b>- Pure gonzo gore. My favorite scene involves a bad guy soldier throwing a baby into a burning building. I highly recommend this movie.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 25th- <b><u>Glengarry Glen Ross</u></b>- I included this because I have never seen it and it has been on my to-do list for years. This is just a reminder.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 26th- <b><u>Black Beach Patrol Vol. 3</u></b>- This is basically a homage to Baywatch but as a porno. I have it on VHS as well.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 27th- <b><u>Commando</u></b>- It is a running joke that every one of my lists must feature Commando. This is that moment.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 28th- <b><u>American Beauty</u></b>- A film that looks at the horrors of domesticated life. Oh, and Kevin Spacey sexually assaulted a number of people. Great performance though!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 29th- <b><u>Jeepers Creepers</u></b>- The first half of this movie had a great premise. Two kids driving in the middle of nowhere see somebody tossing a body into a well. It loses some steam when it's revealed it is a monster, but good while it lasted. Also the director likes to fondle young boys.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 30th- <b><u>The Crow</u></b>- Not exactly a horror movie unlike the one's above, but had to include it because it's set in Detroit on Devil's night and I'm a little worm on a big fucking hook. Now, fire it up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oct. 31st- <b><u>The Halloween Series</u></b>. Okay, let's get serious from here on out. Up there was me having a little fun and wasting your time. Now, let me get my serious film guy hat on. No no, don't go away. I will still try to include the usual sexist, borderline racist, and cruel jokes here and there.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween</u></b> (1978)- The original. A classic that ultimately may have done more harm than good, but mainly good because it allowed John Carpenter the means to make The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, Escape From New York, Prince of Darkness, They Live, and more.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween 2</u></b>- I enjoyed this as much as the first, and I'm in the minority, but I loved the idea of an isolated setting (a hospital) where there seems to be no patients or employees. Speaking of employees, the nurse in the hot tub scene is an absolute Grade-A hardbody.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween 3</u></b>- They tried something different with no Michael and an evil tv station and haunted masks. Most of it didn't work for me, but it had Tom Atkins, so, a win.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween 4</u></b>- After the box office disaster that was Part 3, the producers decided to bring Michael back and have him go after his niece. This was a paint by the numbers, yet very effective slasher sequel featuring Danielle Harris who I had a total crush on. Don't get skeezy, she's a year older than me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween 5</u></b>- Basically Halloween 4, but again. Not nearly as good, but not as bad as</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween 6</u></b>- They attempted to inject way too much backstory with the cult stuff, and it is obvious the movie was edited 100 times. Not good at all.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween H20</u></b>- A little bit of Halloween and a little of Scream. Jamie Lee returns as a drunk. I really didn't have a problem with this.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween Resurrection</u></b>- Jamie Lee agreed to return only if her character is finally killed off so she wouldn't have to play her again. More on that later. This movie is absolute garbage.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Rob Zombie's Halloween</u></b>- I watched this for the first time in years the other week. This is a bad movie. The whole mystique of Michael Myers is the mystery of the character. This movie explains it all that he just came from a white trash family. That's the plot of the first half. The second half is basically a remake of the original except Danielle Harris finally doffs it. 19 years later a young boys dreams could come true. I ended up meeting her at a convention last year. She was very sweet and nice. My only regret is that I didn't find out if she played tambourine.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Zombie's Halloween 2</u></b>- I actually prefer this one to his first. Less shoehorned celebrity cameos, more brutality. Plus the entire film feels like one big acid trip with the dream sequences.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Well, that ends our main section of Metro's 31 Days of Halloween post. Now of course 95% of that was tongue in cheek for the mental defectives out there. However, I still have my legit film critic hat on so here are some bonus lists. These are not tongue in cheek. Sometimes you can have it both ways...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Top Five You May Have Never Seen</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;">5- <b>Tales From the Crypt (1972)</b>- This early 70's feature was taken from the comics just as many of the famous Crypt Keeper HBO series was. I don't get scared but there were a few sequences that made me jump. Standout segment are the Joan Collins Halloween one and the (very sad) Peter Cushing one. Plus who is turning down late period Ralph Richardson as the Crypt Keeper?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">4- <b><u>Theater of Blood</u></b>- This Vincent Price flick is possibly one of his greatest. He plays a theater actor who just goes nuts, completely crazy, and starts killing critics in the fashion of some of his plays. It also stars prime Diana Rigg. The Robert Morley scene is a personal favorite.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">3- <b><u>Sunshine</u></b>- Yes I know it is technically a Sci-Fi film, but if you get through the third act, you'll know why it is horror. This is one of the few movies that after seeing it, while in the parking lot, I muttered, "I feel really unsettled."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">2-<b><u> Bone Tomahawk</u></b>- A horror/western starring Kurt Russell? Yeah, sign me up. Go in to it cold and just have scary fun with it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">1- <b><u>The Adam Wingard/ Ti West Run (2009-Present)</u></b>- Okay this is a cheat because there are so many movies I wanted to include so I lumped them all together. And yes, this is Number 1 if you haven't seen any. Let's roll:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>House of the Devil</u></b>- Great throwback to 1980's horror with a suitable soundtrack. Hottie female lead, vintage Tom Noonan/Mary Woronov, and Greta Gerwig before she became insufferable. The random dance scene to The Fixx is pure money.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Innkeepers</u></b>- I hate the term "slow burn" but this is a slow burn haunted hotel story that is carried by the two leads, one of which is a proxy for my tambourine player. Also features a Lena Dunham cameo before she became insufferable. I actually visited the haunted hotel where they filmed it. The night clerk let me work the desk at 2am so he could take a break. Just perfect. There are memories you keep. I'm tucking that one away.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_Vgu8S131Qj7CZ2IBdI-udW-KFhIoYQa97bHbE9mWCrtrtK_DYEhwYowfTAls8Uk4yFcQwUVHC_BmPI7kFn8GuSt7y5fS8DjiqpUfsXGpapmO1y-t8_0baOlZtlh9ZJgwDcCcvs0VWP2YpLAKPZhx1SutUbx8PIj3Ug5qlgDPJAbJFk94QDzi2dzA/s960/hallo1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_Vgu8S131Qj7CZ2IBdI-udW-KFhIoYQa97bHbE9mWCrtrtK_DYEhwYowfTAls8Uk4yFcQwUVHC_BmPI7kFn8GuSt7y5fS8DjiqpUfsXGpapmO1y-t8_0baOlZtlh9ZJgwDcCcvs0VWP2YpLAKPZhx1SutUbx8PIj3Ug5qlgDPJAbJFk94QDzi2dzA/w400-h300/hallo1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>You're Next</u></b>- An absolute blast. The entire cast is great (most of the same actors appear in all of these movies). Joe Swanberg is hilarious, and the touch of Dwight Twilley's "Looking For the Magic" playing on repeat throughout the entire movie is genius. I can run the fastest.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>V/H/S</u></b>- Wingard and West direct some segments of this anthology film. Equally unnerving at times but has some decent doffs. I would have been dead by the first segment when the demon girl tells me, "I like you."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Sacrament</u></b>- This is basically the Jonestown Massacre put on film. The entire final act is unsettling. Gene Jones, the gas station guy from No Country, is amazing as the J Jones proxy and I am attracted to Amy Seimitz. This, along with the Jonestown incident, was the theme for the final Metro Times Blowout. Last set of the night. We gave the entire crowd Flavor-Aid. They were relived we didn't poison them. And then we played.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Guest</u></b>- This isn't exactly horror, though it does have nods to The Shining, Carrie, Fright Night, Terminator, and Commando. I am including it because it is my favorite movie of the past 10 years. Seek it out, then buy me a drink next time you see me. Just no blow job shots.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>X</u></b>- Probably my favorite movie from last year. A real throwback with no forced agenda (amazing feat for a movie from the 2020's) and great performances from everyone. Great soundtrack. Great subtext about getting old. Decent doffs. Look it up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Pearl</u></b>- The prequel to X. I think it might be a better made movie, though I had more fun with X. Mia Goth gives an amazing performance, and her dance scene is perfection. I liked X more, but this is probably the better movie.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Whew, that's a lot to digest (Hi Sadie!!), so now we will dip down to the top five I was most disappointed in. Which means you can skip them:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Top 5 Scary Movies That Sucked-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">5- <b><u>Halloween Reboot Series (2018-now)</u></b>-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Halloween-</b> I don't remember a single scene about this movie aside from the rest stop scene. Too many shoehorned characters, including a stupid heel turn, just ehhhhh, nahhhh.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween Kills</u></b>- I liked this one a little bit better, aside from the "Evil must die" trope. Anthony Michael Hall played a decent nutso, and the kills were the best of the series.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Halloween Ends</u></b>- Everyone shit on this, and some had good points. I didn't really have a problem with it aside from introducing a brand new character that by all means will have no factor in the movie. Sarcasm alert.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">4- <b><u>Get Out</u></b>- It had an interesting premise but was ultimately bogged down with "Well, we're making a movie in 2017" rhetoric. Plus it was kind of boring.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">3- <b><u>The Haunting (1999)</u></b>- I don't remember much about this one aside from it being the only movie I have ever walked out on in a theater. Owen Wilson gets decapitated I think so it might not be all that bad.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">2- <b><u>Barbarian</u></b>- This is a recent one that received a lot of pre-release buzz/good reviews. Never a good sign before everyone has seen it. The first 40 minutes were good and then the director realized he only had a 40 minute movie and put around 3 of his other spec scripts in there to bloat it out.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">1- <b><u>The Witch</u></b>- And it's not even close. I can appreciate the set design and the dialects, but a good movie needs a good story, and this one put me to sleep. When I walked out of The Haunting tickets were only $5. Out of bitter principle I stayed for the entire movie because tickets are now around $11. I am a lesser person for it. As a movie fan, I can say this one totally stunk. Every review bought and paid for.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Okay, with that out of the way, let's get to the favorites list. As always, these are my favorites, not necessarily the "best". The Exorcist didn't make the list not because it is a bad movie. It's probably better than a few on my list. It's just that it's not one of my favorites. See it once, and you're good. Let's roll.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Metro's Top 6 Favorite Scary Movies</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">6- <b><u>The Thing</u></b>- I made this list six instead of five because I couldn't choose between #6 & #5. The Thing is a marvel of what you can do with practical effects. I'll take the effects here over any cgi any day. Great ensemble cast and the blood test scene is a masterclass in tension.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">5- <b><u>Carrie</u></b>- An absolute classic and one of DePalma's best. The prom scene alone would be enough to crack the top 5, but the performances from Sissy and Piper put it over the top. Also, it's not a Metro post if I don't mention the opening locker room scene/vintage Nancy Allen.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">4- <b><u>Dawn of the Dead (Original)</u></b>- I watched this many times growing up. It seems dated now, but only because malls don't exist anymore, but as a kid, the idea of having an entire mall to yourself is amazing. Also amazing are the effects and the chemistry between the lead actors. It's one of those movies you wish never ended.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">3a- <b><u>Nightmare on Elm Street/3b- Nightmare on Elm Street 3</u></b>- I had to do a cheat here and include both of them. I see them as equals, but for different reasons. If you want terror and scares you go to part 1. Some of the random imagery in it is unnerving (the goat in the tunnel, the outreached arms in the alley, the hall pass). It also really captures what its like to be in a dream during the scene where Nancy tries to run upstairs and the stairs turn to marshmellow. We've all had that dream.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Now if you want sheer entertainment then part 3 is the way to go. The deaths start getting creative and Freddy starts to go the humor route, but not over the top like in the later sequels. The ensemble cast is pretty great, and the returning Nancy and John Saxon from part 1 make this more of a direct sequel than the homoerotic part 2. This makes a great double feature. Creature feature!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">2- An American Werewolf in London- The absolute apex of horror and humor, from the perfect cast of David, (It's not a party without) Griffin Dunne, and the gorgeous Jenny Agutter along with the local unknowns, to the insane practical effects (best werewolf transformation in film), to the soundtrack. There are so many memorable scenes, the Slaughtered Lamb, the moors, the dreams, and the pure gonzo chaos (it is a Landis film after all) of the final scene. And it would be a crime not to mention "See You Next Wednesday" (a non-stop orgy).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">1- The Shining- My favorite movie just happens to be a horror movie, a horror movie directed by my favorite director Stanley Kubrick. This movie is unique in that it is different from the book (Stephen King didn't care for it, but if you follow his Twitter...great writer, so-so opinionist). It is a paradox because the Shining (book) is among my top 3 favorite books. The book is basically an allegory about alcoholism which is a subject close to King, and Kubrick's movie is just a straight up haunted hotel story even with the bartender scene. The bathroom scene terrified me when I watched it way too young. The twins scared me. The man in the bear/dog suit confused me. The opening credits/score mesmerized me. And I loved every minute of it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So that's it for my 31 days of Halloween post. I hope everyone has a fun, safe (but not too safe muaahahaha) Halloween season. I hope the Orbitsuns gave some of their cover charge to the Rodriguez family and not Cowboy hats/hair club for men. And I hope to see you again soon. I'm off to have some burnt toast.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-23267875734743035742023-09-14T09:18:00.002-07:002023-09-14T10:11:19.474-07:00All the Leaves Are Brown. All the Bands Are White. 2023 DIY Fest Preview<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Well it's that time of year again, the end of summer. Hey all, Metro here. This means it's the start of football season (thank god; can't make a dime on baseball), the leaves start to turn and fall, the new neighbor owes you two beers, and the annual Ferndale DIY Street Fair Fest, the last major (haha) fest of the season. Where did the summer go?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qkNuFsVTnXL31mZdcX4vqBJesQyvX8jdrLlv1BwLQt3UYPFGuwlRAcOEfJXKspJ5THCUFDO9a7hK-ipIQs0kB1_NESYKvmkHZ3XlVvO5YUvb98KlbdCrfF7CcczNlgqhTuHrZs495Kx7XXIE_OpdDDwjKvkg-VT9DUB4XHfougNV1LU88Dw_jJvz/s1000/fall1.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1000" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-qkNuFsVTnXL31mZdcX4vqBJesQyvX8jdrLlv1BwLQt3UYPFGuwlRAcOEfJXKspJ5THCUFDO9a7hK-ipIQs0kB1_NESYKvmkHZ3XlVvO5YUvb98KlbdCrfF7CcczNlgqhTuHrZs495Kx7XXIE_OpdDDwjKvkg-VT9DUB4XHfougNV1LU88Dw_jJvz/w400-h300/fall1.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> If this post seems a little disjointed it is because I suffered an accident a week or so ago. I was helping a friend out with some landscaping work and a recycling bin, which was filled, landed on my head. This led to a concussion that I am still dealing with, a blown out knee, a black eye, permanent scar on my pretty cheek, and a loose tooth. If you saw me you would think that one of the psycho Neo-Nazi's that works at Smalls finally got to me. You would think I would have taken [REDACTED]'s offer to meet for coffee and be murdered's offer. One positive about the concussion has been the memory loss. I have zero recollection of any of this year's local music fests. Wait! You don't either??? Do we all have concussions? No, it was only just the most uneventful summer since I started covering this dying scene. And that includes the lockdown year. I have vague, fading, memories of no Blowout, no Hamtramck Music Fest (take the money and run geezers). I think there was that Punk Rock BBQ thing featuring bands who are in worse shape than me. There might have been a Pig & Whiskey (Hi Sadie!). There was the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest headlined by a band from Philadelphia that was never good to begin with. One thing I do remember is the JCM reuniting with the original crew along with the alternate tambo player, Darlene Schaffer, and headlining a Corktown Music Fest that raised a bunch for women in music or something like that. So this is where DIY Street Fair comes in. It's the 9th inning of 2023, and this city needs a save. Well, we're not gonna get it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> The DIY Street Fair has been around forever, and like everything else, it used to mean something. Now, it's just a husk. Now don't let anything about this scare you away from attending. We'll let the music lineup do that (more on that later). From the start, I have always encouraged everyone to have (too much) fun. Plus, get out and support the local artists, crafters, food trucks, breweries, and other org's that (over)paid for a space at the Fest. The last time I was there that I remember there was a ton of cool unique stuff out of my price range, but Christmas is right around the corner. So support local art.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Unfortunately, I can't be as positive for the music lineup. Just absolutely putrid, more or less. Let's do one of the quick previews. As always, you know the rules, one song/vid and then my take:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Ted Leo</u></b>- Awesome! The Ferndale MI's DIY Fest is headlined by someone not from around here! And just like Philadelphia's Dead Milkmen at Hamtram Labor Day. And just like the Dead Milkmen, Ted Leo kinda sucks. If a voice could be punched he would be at the top of the list.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Extra Arms</u></b>- Here, take a second and check out their promo pic:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWs2R6SxQxBP3BNTqQy9oqZeYRYScV7C66CIwDq0gNxBqy8zhQaItgbtEKyNeHDdpnHN51_4U7TN_5Ij0MqDlRCXWtVOFJLc3CfVhnGayEP-d6dyk2EJobK4tW8i_Ng6_Fg2f1CUVdG9g_7zEH03kZ3HvGqfV5_6hUkFDFuC5N8xGdvZ8eguaXUdOn/s874/extra.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="697" data-original-width="874" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWs2R6SxQxBP3BNTqQy9oqZeYRYScV7C66CIwDq0gNxBqy8zhQaItgbtEKyNeHDdpnHN51_4U7TN_5Ij0MqDlRCXWtVOFJLc3CfVhnGayEP-d6dyk2EJobK4tW8i_Ng6_Fg2f1CUVdG9g_7zEH03kZ3HvGqfV5_6hUkFDFuC5N8xGdvZ8eguaXUdOn/w400-h319/extra.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Can you imagine, or AI, a more insufferable group of twerps? Ryan Allen has been trying to "get over" longer than Craig Brown, and longer than I have been covering the local scene. I love the tone-deaf irony of the "Obey" man-bag given that I had to deal with him posting his cutesy vaccination profile filters every week on my timeline. I never want to get political on this site that much, and I don't care if you are Psycho Pro or Psycho Anti Vaxx (full disclosure, I am vaccinated because I had to be to cover Summerslam 2021, the Manny Pacquiao retirement fight (Vegas), and AEW Grand Slam (New York). I just don't like some dork with shitty taste in 90's music telling me how to live my life. From one dork to another, Ryan Allen, just "Obey" and just go away.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Polish Muslims</u></b>- If you've seen one show, you seen them all. Also, how soon until they change their name? #pride. #next</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>PJ Western</u></b>- So this queef is the cover photo for Saturday's lineup? Dude has zero Youtube vids over 1000 views. Some of the songs were okay. Oh jeeze, he has a bio written by Josh Malerman. Cliquey, clique, clique, clique. Passy, pass, pass, pass. This is embarrassing. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Myron Elkins</u></b>- Serviceable music. Good, solid, but unspectacular.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Beggars</u></b>- Have no problem with them. Great energy, better people, no frills, many split pants, no man-bags with "Obey" on them.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Alluvial Fans</u></b>- Generic. Not bad, but... generic.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Hourlies</u></b>- Lock up your daughter. Lock up your wife. Lock up your backdoor, and run for your life. The Hourlies' are back in town. But don't you mess Me around. Solid local band, and I happen to like both bass players.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Joe Hertler & The Rainbow Seekers</u></b>- Unoffensive music built for a street fair where people are just wandering around. So, background music. But do you want to know where the rainbow ends you'll have to buy Book #2 "Make Up Something". Here's the link!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://thebp.net/394732" target="_blank">Metro's 2nd book "Make Up Something"</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Messenger Birds</u></b>- So the theme of 2023 is every band has to mimic the Black Keys? It...is...2023...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Coxiopioxio</u></b>- The name of my 2nd favorite Mexican restaurant in SW Detroit. Get a new name kids.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>John Salvage & the Jobbers</u></b>- Decent enough. Your basic rock band that you could catch every Tuesday at Westland's legendary Chatters (Talk of the Town). Unfortunately nobody is talking about this act. Basic.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Valentiger</u></b>- Boring. Plus the video is the infamous "walking around downtown" lazy crap. Just stop. Enough.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Yes, enough. Enough with this safe, generic, swill. Those are your band previews. Probably 2.5 worthwhile acts. However, all of the vendors are 10/10, so make sure you support them. They'll be losing money that weekend. Have fun, grab me, I mean grab a drink from a local brewery, but just not the W.A.B. Like the music lineup, they have a history of never hiring minorities. So as far as the music portion, no acts of color, no LGGBTJCM+ acts, and most tragically, no hardbodies. Just really tragic. At least with JCM you get a tambo player. Enjoy your weekend, and tell me when I'm lying. Then I'll see you outside.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-73565716062966205562023-08-30T16:42:00.002-07:002023-08-31T14:34:50.831-07:002023 Hamtramck Labor Day Fest Preview/Detroit Cobras Cash Grab<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">*Thursday Update!- I guess Cadieux Cafe is also doing a weekend long festival featuring all the bands that have played a Fest this year (aside from JCM; we're retired again). It is Thursday through Monday and the cost is $30 for all the days. Who in their right mind is fucking going to Cadieux Cafe for 5 fucking days straight? Here's a tip. Grab an old wristband from a Blowout or Hamfest, or even Cedar Point, and just walk right in. By Friday evening, the yahoo at the door would have long given up caring. Free advice, no charge.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Whooooo boy, Metro here. After the Rodriguez posts/cash grabs, I am exhausted. But, I am here with my annual Hamtramck Labor Day Festival Preview. After my Rodriguez birthday cash grab posts, I was bombed by comments, e-mails, and DM's. Some of them were dour and sad, and some of them were very supportive that I was asking the question nobody wanted to answer: Where was the money going? By the way, that question has yet to be answered and verified by the best local journalist in town. Anyway, where did the summer go?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> It is nearly the end of summer which means that it's time for the annual Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. But before we get to the preview I would like to do a quick tangent....</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I see that the Detroit Cobras had a show this past weekend at the Magic Stick (of course). Wait, what????How is that possible? Of course, details were sketchy/slash/non-existent (you knew that was coming). Both the Magic Stick and Cobras social media were unresponsive to my questions (Red Flag), e-mail as well, as expected. I actually should file a suit about emotional stress regarding flashbacks to the Rodriguez mystery money show.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3cQdUunWUPJLuL36SJNzoAm9pu8X_w4fN1ajTJOuT8zodjvpWZdhimiyntfwZoxrDX61ofzaOt-0cGUQYy_bQsNKzNdRFirBT2SYBGhMvE53KHWGYJNgAdH7JrjV_SFWDj13HXTihHikHRlmxB6ESlQsIi02YH2eJDLJmhGj4WuNhCaVLDugduGHj/s1080/cobras.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3cQdUunWUPJLuL36SJNzoAm9pu8X_w4fN1ajTJOuT8zodjvpWZdhimiyntfwZoxrDX61ofzaOt-0cGUQYy_bQsNKzNdRFirBT2SYBGhMvE53KHWGYJNgAdH7JrjV_SFWDj13HXTihHikHRlmxB6ESlQsIi02YH2eJDLJmhGj4WuNhCaVLDugduGHj/w400-h400/cobras.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Let's be honest, the Detroit Cobras are pretty much synonymous with Rachel Nagy. Nobody cares about the jobber drummer or dumpy replacement singer. Rachel, unfortunately, passed last year. She had her flaws. We all do, but she was a dynamic, feisty, and real (that part is when you need to start paying attention) as you could find. So, I think its kind of cool that they are keeping the Detroit Cobras name/brand alive to make as much money off the name as possible. Okay, who are we kidding?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I think it's gross, less of a "tribute" than some geezers trying to make a buck off of somebody who has passed. If I'm lying, tell me I'm wrong, but make sure you have proof. Until then, I think it's gross that the remaining members who, let's be honest, nobody knows who they are, are still using the name. It's almost as bad as that walking "likes 'em young" corpse Wayne Kramer using the MC5 name when it's just him struggling to walk around the stage.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I have no idea who is even still in the Cobras lineup and I bet you don't either. Everything is so vague, which is probably most convenient. I bet there were people at the show who had zero clue Rachel was even dead. I even had to check to see if Dave Grohl was playing with them because he tends to cling to people with addiction issues and then exploit them after they die. I can't believe I haven't seen Rodriguez tribute shows where bands play shitty covers of his songs, get a paltry $20, which is more than Sixto initially got. Detroit Irony's Harder! So the Cobras are playing for free (wroooonnngg) at the Labor Day Fest and we still need to know where is the money going??</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"> Yeah, that age-old question. Allow for a tangent on a tangent. Years ago, I ended up in Montreal with some of the Inner Circle to celebrate a bachelor party. Day 1 went as expected: Rough. Day 2 started at noon, a mild miracle, as me and -jr wandered the streets of this foreign city. We pass a strip club. It was open.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "What kind of strip club is open at noon?" I ask.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "They have food the sign says. A buffet. Free," -jr replies.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "This joint is on the second floor of this building. And I am not eating food at noon from a strip club," I shout.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Then go cry back at the hotel. I'm going in," -jr says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> So of course we go in. There were only two dancers. Neither would qualify to play tambourine. After a few minutes of getting drunk, watching a "Lifer" dance to Radiohead, -jr snaps...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Fuck it. I'm eating. I'm getting food."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Dude, it is a buffet. At a strip club. At noon.," I reply, near tears, yet he gets up and he ignores me and gets up and fixes the biggest plate of free strip club food I have ever seen. After he finishes, we say "Bye-Bye" to Balloon Knot, our nickname for the dancer, and then we leave.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> What was the point of that story? I don't know really. If you are familiar with my writing you would know that I think it is sexy when things are left unexplained. But I will try... Some stories need to be told, or else they fade into time. I liked the idea of a random buffet where you would least expect it, and I thought it would be funny to tie it into the Fake Detroit Cobras show. Maybe they could have a buffet set up, but instead of cool-ish chicken, it would be coke and heroin. It's fun to fantasize. Like fantasize where the fucking money is going...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Whew! Now, let's get to the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest preview. As you know, the Hamtram Labor Day Fest is a yearly celebration in our beloved enclave of inclusiveness that is Hamtramck, MI. Here is this year's flyer:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnpFDO1VxfkelgB9zjNH5_nRXZJWg1wPtRGB7rPM85eYZQ6tXEMnAFNLLL6XPpjcFZkWzVYgt3YMc8VbNtBwNatx8OiPFdeiudA1mMNhTVEaVn8naYlkj5UzAV_v_4NYM0qGuEFtQKwXS0UKoZXMpRiISAx3LnHBr6h4bX3OUdgjRNCFZIuZBdqyQc/s2048/flyer.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1325" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnpFDO1VxfkelgB9zjNH5_nRXZJWg1wPtRGB7rPM85eYZQ6tXEMnAFNLLL6XPpjcFZkWzVYgt3YMc8VbNtBwNatx8OiPFdeiudA1mMNhTVEaVn8naYlkj5UzAV_v_4NYM0qGuEFtQKwXS0UKoZXMpRiISAx3LnHBr6h4bX3OUdgjRNCFZIuZBdqyQc/w414-h640/flyer.jpg" width="414" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> This year's flyer directly emphasizes the recent controversy of the all-Muslim city council representing our local enclave of diversity, but with the mandate to remove LBGTQ Pride flags from our beloved local enclave of Hamtramck. I actually have no horse in this race. I respect everyone's right to live their life (but if having "too much fun" is excluded, you are dead to me). Lesbian- cool, Bi- even better, Trans- Mildly insufferable, Fatty Patty- if you want. I'm rambling but I have to include this Hamtramck "diversity" mural:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1fNIXP6u6JRg9BDjFZPrPg4clu4uEdeNkeaxqMzZL1VXv6GkRPxuqTpvcpjMUtGRaZEipevyQws7xAYWh1wag0LFVoouyLxqh7MBdTSv3ZPauZxd4kkCuQWRya9ctf9KnQK5GREyTYWo0i-bd2v6hvxA2BHkUoJlaVTo0SpzITLTOLDwOPW9rPXV6/s785/diversity.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="531" data-original-width="785" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1fNIXP6u6JRg9BDjFZPrPg4clu4uEdeNkeaxqMzZL1VXv6GkRPxuqTpvcpjMUtGRaZEipevyQws7xAYWh1wag0LFVoouyLxqh7MBdTSv3ZPauZxd4kkCuQWRya9ctf9KnQK5GREyTYWo0i-bd2v6hvxA2BHkUoJlaVTo0SpzITLTOLDwOPW9rPXV6/w400-h270/diversity.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I'm cracking up. This is totally one person on the entire diversity mural. You can't make this shit up! Uh oh....segue alert. Go back and look at that official flyer. Irony alert!! There are no black people on the flyer. It sucks that the "B" in LGBTQ doesn't stand for black. Is this thing sponsored/organized by Woodward Ave. Brewery (infamous for having no black employees)? I have no clue if any person of color is even performing at the festival, and if you haven't guessed by now, I am not going to preview any act, so if some smartass wants to say XXXXXX has a person of color, feel free, but please provide a ratio because I'm not doing that either. I could, and should, just post the preview from two years ago.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> But the Dead Milkmen are playing!!!!! Yeah, that local band from...oh wait, Philadelphia??? You are telling me that this fair has to bring in a bunch of aging, already old-fuck geezers who were never good to begin with to headline this?? Zero local acts stepped up? Would anybody care? See where I'm going? It's hilarious that they are getting paid to perform at a free fest. This is why nobody has any money these days; just brain dead stupidity. So, that's my preview for the 2023 Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. Can't wait to see you there. Which day will it be????? Good lord, the Dead Milkmen really kind of suck. Enjoy it. Welcome to Fat City. I'll see you there. Come for a shot at the title. I'll see you outside.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-1436164523553971932023-08-10T11:46:00.001-07:002023-10-13T11:58:33.311-07:00Guess who's back, Metro's Back- Rodriguez Memorial<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here, back. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back. Unlike fake fake, manufactured bad boy tough guy Eminem (Slim Corporate Puss) that I referenced in the title, I'm back. Yesterday's Rodriguez post rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. A...lot. But the crazy thing is that I had even more people sending messages of encouragement agreeing with me. Weird how that works.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> For those who missed it (the original post is currently undergoing "maintenance"), I basically acknowledged that local person Sixto Rodriguez had passed away, but then turned it into a social commentary about hanger on's, clout chasers, shadow families, etc., and tied it to this stand-up guy, an artist, that was being used, his life story turning full circle, 2023 is the new 1975, and now that he has sadly passed, eeeeeevyerybody seems to have been his best friend-o in the world. I can understand how some people would take offense to that because they saw themselves in the post. It's okay, <b>I'll be your mirror.</b> If anyone was truely offended, not fake offended, or "I'm trying too hard to be so 2023" offended, then I sincerely apologize. To the others...fucking grow up. Sixto didn't know you, probably never cared about you because he didn't know you. I'm the biggest narcissist in the world, but I admit it. I own it. But I just roll my eyes when someone dies and people automatically make it about themselves. So, to that crew out there, you'll want to keep reading. I promise you, you will have fun. However, per the blog policy, that was the apology. The original post is also down, but I promise that it will be up and running soon. Unedited.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Anyway, the fact remains that this site, Le Lavender Blog, is pretty much the go-to when it comes to the local scene. So I feel obligated to report that there is a public memorial for Rodriguez this Saturday, starting at noon at... wait for it... The Majestic. According to the press release that was sent to me, "No other details were provided." A perfect metaphor and tribute to Sixto. Great job!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Okay, let's clear this up first. If you want to celebrate the man and his music along with interacting with people who feel the same. Go! I am serious, not satirous (new word). Go! Make it a positive experience and celebrate this man's life. He gave his art to you. This is me at my most sincere.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Aaaaaaand now for the heel turn...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Allow me to ask a few questions because questions sometimes need to be asked and these days questions scare people, especially if they spend too much time on their phones or the internet. It's okay to be scared, so judgement free zone! Oh... the questions: What exactly is this event/public memorial? It is this Saturday and the only detail is that it starts at noon. What starts at noon? Is it on Woodward outside the Majestic? Will the Majestic be open at noon? Will there be a viewing of the Rodriguez documentary? Will Ben Blackwell from Third Man Records (hanger-on, I'll be your mirror) be lathered in baby oil furiously pressing cash grab Rodriguez vinyl's? What are the Vegas Over/Under odds of local yahoo's wandering around with a fucking acoustic guitar playing unrecognizable covers of Rodriguez songs they looked up 3 days ago? Will Rodriguez be laying in state at Sgt. Pepperoni's with overpriced lunch specials?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Now let's get serious. Up there was satire with a sprinkle of reality. Will the Majestic be serving their $5-6 High Life's? And of course, the catch... where will the money be going? Do they have sponsors yet? You usually have to put a deposit down to retain such a venue, especially all day on a Saturday in summer in the city. I have had many private messages pointing out how quickly this vague public memorial was set up. Just another question. So many questions, yet all anybody wants to whine about is the big bad doctor of journalism that is asking them. Hmmmm. So very 2023.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Everybody seems to have their own personal story about Rodriguez, and it's so weird that nobody remembered them until after 2013. Weird how that stuff works. I only encountered him once, at a show, and he was kind of a jerk to the staff, but I understood. I'm a little bit of a jerk myself. After going through his life story, I would be a little salty too. So, to get back to the beginning, go and celebrate the man and his music this Saturday starting at noon, but for god sakes leave yourself out of it. It's not about you. You are not special. Well, unless you are making money off this. I just might show up to cover it, in disguise of course. I might even have a tambourine, ladies! But if some local Waterhead wanders by me with an acoustic guitar, there will be no apologies.... not a prediction, but a spoiler. So, one more time, acknowledge me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwt6Vnio1hi-zMIBP6BbKx8e3wXnfj872okiRyMgEV3cQ3j9hqVUXAHcMAQbHZ8E52VE7kNEqlg3XnWKXssi6rXyHGW7t0aK584tfSfxDcpTOA2C3oXVykPqUnfWg1wCa4uSBmM8dFrDINI-YMDpEZ4KF23K9TMQlu5wFTCFuvWfgEfxUasHEv6ovm/s512/belusho.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="341" data-original-width="512" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwt6Vnio1hi-zMIBP6BbKx8e3wXnfj872okiRyMgEV3cQ3j9hqVUXAHcMAQbHZ8E52VE7kNEqlg3XnWKXssi6rXyHGW7t0aK584tfSfxDcpTOA2C3oXVykPqUnfWg1wCa4uSBmM8dFrDINI-YMDpEZ4KF23K9TMQlu5wFTCFuvWfgEfxUasHEv6ovm/w640-h426/belusho.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-34303744770917679232023-08-10T07:13:00.001-07:002023-08-10T07:13:07.553-07:00A Photo of a Tambourie<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here. The Sixto Rodriguez obituary/social critique of leeches is currently down undergoing maintenance. I hope to have it up again soon that's what she said. In the meantime here is a photo of a tambourine. If anyone is offended or has a problem with the photo of a tambourne or the implied primal sexual nature of the photo of a tambourine please contact me and I will also take down the photo of a tambourine for site maintenance. Thanks for reading!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX-RclLKrPhhRp06XrT6fdK--Prs5bb7LH7TMqG5VoK_HEeJ-l9F3B6tpKwAtVE3MEeTLbAa9m8lDrQEScpewMBpoZQr55NS3Ka44-C758NcLgLNJcgTj2I2fsc5Ju8oLIwX9GJSg8EJuB2HRcUIIRpRt70qCSqt4k2xegG_QGYyB8D5PqCzdRQ0DS/s960/tambo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX-RclLKrPhhRp06XrT6fdK--Prs5bb7LH7TMqG5VoK_HEeJ-l9F3B6tpKwAtVE3MEeTLbAa9m8lDrQEScpewMBpoZQr55NS3Ka44-C758NcLgLNJcgTj2I2fsc5Ju8oLIwX9GJSg8EJuB2HRcUIIRpRt70qCSqt4k2xegG_QGYyB8D5PqCzdRQ0DS/w400-h400/tambo.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-42075249888647187112023-08-09T13:23:00.002-07:002023-10-13T11:58:40.771-07:00A Song For the Dead- Sixto Rodriguez<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Well, you knew this was coming.......</div><div style="text-align: left;"> No, not the fact that Sixto Rodriguez, local legend (check in the bank), passing. Everything will die, from the king of the jungle to butterflies. The only sin is waiting too long. No, I meant this eulogy. So, Rodriguez waits no more, as he has passed at the age of 81.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> For those in the know, the story of Sixto Rodriguez is actually more interesting than his music. I don't mean that as a knock, or a "too soon" joke, but let's be realistic. It is.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Quick Recap- Rodriguez began recording music in the late 1960's through the mid 70's. It was basically Dollar Store Bob Dylan stuff. Once again, I don't mean that as a knock on him. I consider myself a Dollar Store Hunter S Thompson. Dollar Stores are important. Dollar stores are valuable. They have a place. Sometimes it is okay to eat McDonald's instead of Ruth Chris.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Anyway, his music went nowhere around here because McDonald's happen to be everywhere, and also he was living in Detroit, the post 60's cultural wasteland. To this day, nobody's music goes anywhere around here. Ask Craig Brown. He had the cultural juggernaut of Third Man Records behind him at one point and where did that go? Nowhere. Don't get me started on the Whiskey Charmers. Playing 9 shows every week for peanuts. For god sakes take a nap, or at least give the public a rest. (Spoiler alert: Not gonna happen). </div><div style="text-align: left;"> Anyway, Rodriguez's music went nowhere because duhhhhh, he was living in post riot Detroit, but it did find a following in South Africa along with some other overseas areas. All this, while he was working shitty jobs just to make a living. Just like you and me, right? The rest of his story could have been scripted by Vince McMahon, and very well could have been. There was a rumor that he killed himself (during a concert, nice touch...), but he eventually found out about his popularity in South Africa, which I always found sketchy, although some of his songs were anti-apartheid which would make sense. Still, this was just another local musician, and local musicians don't have any reach beyond Toledo. Ask Dear Darkness. But he finally got his accolades, and they even made a movie about him. In the end, it really was a very Hollywood story; almost even....manufactured. The documentary won an Academy Award, and I think you know where I am going with this.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQqBKIhD51oOTgaEwkqKkY1RBA0-ObnYz1d0v7t3bDAgljWI2PWMDvwoUwEwkdp-Yjk--P_XkYcOfyk7QuUJJlv0Vna2SV0VM1q4aL5s2bdK_FzoWvgL7inAg8j0KZSWahYsd4wlA4jPCTXZtfjX_beXhRnB2TVoTEQdw6ZY4VePfGdfdo-DErzMp/s2048/six.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoQqBKIhD51oOTgaEwkqKkY1RBA0-ObnYz1d0v7t3bDAgljWI2PWMDvwoUwEwkdp-Yjk--P_XkYcOfyk7QuUJJlv0Vna2SV0VM1q4aL5s2bdK_FzoWvgL7inAg8j0KZSWahYsd4wlA4jPCTXZtfjX_beXhRnB2TVoTEQdw6ZY4VePfGdfdo-DErzMp/w400-h225/six.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> The term "Elder Abuse" gets thrown around alot these days, and for good reason, but when I look at the life and legacy of Sixto Rodriguez, I see a quiet artist with a lot to say, but he did it through music and writing. What happened about the discovery of fame, late fame, rumors, and documentary seems....manufactured. I really don't mean to be cynical but these vultures double dipped on this poor guy, first from his recording days, and then exploiting him after a good enough story came up. Tell me I'm lying. I have a good eye (and track record) for these observations. All I hope is that he got, and was able to enjoy, some compensation for his art instead of all of it going to the clusters of bums, clout chasers, Hollywood-types, manipulators, and yeah, I'll say it, family, that populated his later years, using his story to profit from it. Yeah, I had to go the "family" angle because where were they when he was breaking his back working those crap jobs?? Reasonable question, right? But nahhhhh, we got a legacy character, a Oscar nom'd artist. Hey there. Here we are!!!! Do the math, follow the money, as always. And as always fuck'em.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Why just last month there was a birthday show for him (that I previewed here and offered an eerie foreshadowing) at the Cadieux Cafe. It was sold out and hosted by the "Doc of Rock" Doug Podell, who probably never played a Rodriguez song in his life. Ya see a trend??? They dragged Sixto out for a bit, propped him up, no elder abuse at all from the "friends and family", and then after the show, that he left after 2 songs, reports said that "he had fun". At the time my issue was with where the money from the show was going, but I kept getting grossed out by how everything was going on around this guy, and like history repeating itself...he had no idea. So I did a little digging and found that the merch ($5 screen printed t's selling for $20) and auction went to Rodriguez. I hope that is true, as we will soon see but probably not. Some of the gate went to the Orbitsuns with a little sprinkle here and there for the other acts playing, along with the sound guy (spare me) and "security" (hahaha right?). *Once more...with feeling.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMxcGt0CL6IueYhDo-x1LR3q8zC0ZT4r5S6-qI4xrX-d6OHuaRf7rQh2J0sB9146BdzaNrteC0Puewih1MPuJtRidXO3tM9x4dPOOM1tdyowO5X4AP8hoakagWuHAKLHZOE1pshM-avrCfwwn_wrXiPg7RfWW6WA3Rj3AVWiLU7rwzfKPmJo64bDh/s2048/six.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMxcGt0CL6IueYhDo-x1LR3q8zC0ZT4r5S6-qI4xrX-d6OHuaRf7rQh2J0sB9146BdzaNrteC0Puewih1MPuJtRidXO3tM9x4dPOOM1tdyowO5X4AP8hoakagWuHAKLHZOE1pshM-avrCfwwn_wrXiPg7RfWW6WA3Rj3AVWiLU7rwzfKPmJo64bDh/w400-h225/six.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> What really bugs me is that the JCM played (and more importantly, promoted) a show at the Corktown Music Festival. To my knowledge, all of the acts played for free. I am pretty positive about this because the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre was the biggest name on the bill. All of the gate went to this Girls Rock charity (that I verified). So what I would love to see is for the Orbitsuns to give their take from Sixto's b-day show back to the "family". The show would have sold out just by using Rodriguez's name and brand anyway. So do it pussies. Or maybe Vinnie Dombrowski needs to get another cowboy hat to cover up his receding hair. Sorry dude, irrelevance sucks, I get it. Deal with it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> So what happens next? Will there be a Rodriguez "tribute" show featuring local artists that taught themselves a Rodriguez song the week before? You know who you are. You are all out there. Will it feature a bunch of local bands nobody cares about, in keeping with the Rodriguez tradition? (You know it!). Will Third Man Records release a limited edition, vault, numbered, limited, vault, edition, numbered, local failed artist designed cover of a Rodriguez record? (You absolutely know it. The goof from Duende is pressing it as I type).</div><div style="text-align: left;"> After I posted my preview on Sixto's birthday show I received a five paragraph long lecture from somebody involved in the show. I keep all of my sources private, so save it. They said that I was a little harsh, so they must be new here. Makes sense because their band has less followers than JCM and has no heat at all, but they sure enough had a hand in booking themselves for the Rodriguez b-day show. God, I hate this scene sometimes. Can you feel it? They also gave me some vague cost breakdowns for the show that I posted up there (main idea, the balding Orbitsuns got paid), and they also said that Rodriguez was doing well and recovering. Well good lord man, now I don't know what to believe! He was off to a great start. Also, I have seen zero, absolute zero heat or hype, or anything regarding Marz Radio, so stay in your lane kids.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Anyway, I need to wrap this Gonzo obituary up. In the end, I hope that Sixto Rodriguez is resting easy, and knew that his story was a decent story. I respect everyone who puts their heart out there. I also hope that everyone who took advantage of him, his name, and his unique story (you know who you are) get their just karma. I think it all starts with Vinnie Dumbrowski's losing hair. Rodriguez was an interesting man whose "story" was more gripping than his music. And then the buzzards saw it and swooped in. As always. Rest well Sixto, and I will probably never see you again. So, that's my obit, so I am signing off. Look to next week for my end of summer pop culture bonanza featuring movie, music, tv, concert reviews. Then I will be going away for a while. But now, from the best, only, remaining, defending, local journalist in Detroit....Acknowledge Me.....</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">Your Tribal Blogger</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-86811873958625276992023-08-04T09:34:00.003-07:002023-08-04T09:44:59.197-07:00JCM's Mega Summerslam Detroit Preview<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here with your official, all immersive, Summerslam 2023 preview. We here at the Lavender Blog try to be wide ranging in all of our entertainment coverage, so occasionally we leave the boring, stagnant, local scene alone and dip our toes into other pop culture activities. Today, it is pro wrestling. Everyone who has followed us knows that we have always been fans of wrestling. We even had a theme show with Superbomb where -jr was Goldust and I, CM Punk, where we retired Superbomb sending Greg Aubrey into a tailspin of cuckolding, photography, and wokeness. You're welcome Detroit. So, if pro wrestling is not your thing, feel free to click off, but not before buying the second novel, "Make Up Something" which can be found here:</div><div style="text-align: left;"> <a href="http://thebp.site/394732" target="_blank">Make Up Something</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> For those still remaining, Summerslam is the WWE's 2nd biggest PPV/PLE of the year, and this year it is taking place from our beloved melting pot enclave of Detroit. In addition to the show this Saturday, 8pm, at Ford Field, the weekend is filled with opportunities to spend ridiculous amounts of money, maybe support some local restaurants and bars, and maybe rub some shoulders with a few Superstars. Seth Rollins and Rhea Metro will be at Great Lakes Crossing out in the Podunk boonies on Friday, Cody Rhodes and Liv Morgan-Metro will be at Ford Field also on Friday for a food drive. Cost is $150 to volunteer your time. There will also be a Taylor Swift inspired merch caravan set up all weekend starting today through Sunday near Comerica which will have free meet and greets (Omos, Bronson Reed, Emma Metro, and other not on the card). I bet you could even run into the Brooklyn Brawler, but he may just be in town to get cheap weed and "fluff" that possible drug dealing Greatest Wrestling Collector goober (spoiler, most of his crap are actually replicas).</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixkMqDG8__DB1pu_9Rre8X_cmGlqURlotlnjXAv8NpBeDbZPkEet7n0knFIzSIuIeFlL31gnvSDLuxTSWLufDBaB06l--q4psdwRolx8a3rAfWuHdCi7MaXQ6UgubMWcg5YF0KrVE_KPx2nredWE_eRjZUvhYRd4LAPwHWpUORDjJpgkn3khQrqhDf/s176/vince1.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="176" data-original-width="175" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixkMqDG8__DB1pu_9Rre8X_cmGlqURlotlnjXAv8NpBeDbZPkEet7n0knFIzSIuIeFlL31gnvSDLuxTSWLufDBaB06l--q4psdwRolx8a3rAfWuHdCi7MaXQ6UgubMWcg5YF0KrVE_KPx2nredWE_eRjZUvhYRd4LAPwHWpUORDjJpgkn3khQrqhDf/w398-h400/vince1.PNG" width="398" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> In addition to Summerslam, this Saturday features the Tigers playing the Tampa Rays for Fiesta Tigres and a Miggy jersey giveaway, and Smokey Robinson playing the Fox for probably the last time, no jinxies. There is also Oppenheimer in legit 70mm IMAX at the Michigan Science Center. So, by all means, get out and have some fun, but good luck finding reasonable parking. Plus I'm sure that the Whiskey Charmers and Satori Circus are playing six shows all on the same night, but if you've seen one, you've seen them all, right?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Now you're probably think, "This is a perfect opportunity for a vintage Metro/Kentucky Pete get into trouble, cause a scene, and get kicked out," post. I agree. However, this is not the case so you just get a preview and predictions. The reason?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I call Kentucky Pete on his burner phone using my burner phone.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You going to Summerslam this Saturday?" I ask.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hold on. I'm at Walgreens working on photo stuff. I can't concentrate because the stooge at the photo area keeps pestering. There are tits everywhere!"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Tits? I though you said you were at Walgreens. If you went to Henry VIII's without me I will be so pissed. Did I tell you about the one time -jr, Wang, and I went there and I got two...."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "No, I am at Walgreens I said. I'm working on this photo project. Do you know who Sydney Sweeney is? Oh screw it, I'm heading outside," K Pete mutters.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Okay, hurry up. I think Sweeney is an actress, this real hardbody," I reply.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Okay, I'm outside, no go on Summerslam this year. I'm pretty broke, hence this Sydney Sweeney photo ploy."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm broke too, so I'm not going either. Since I have you on the line, how about we do a preview then?" I ask, lonely.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Ahhhh man, I don't even know about any of these matches, man. I can give you my picks, but you'll have to do the breakdowns."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hey dude, don't mention me and breakdowns in the same sentence, but okay, let's roll," I reply, and then we roll.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>JCM's Summerslam Detroit Preview</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Ronda Rousey vs. Shayna Baszler (MMA Rules)-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- All signs point to Rousey finishing up her WWE run soon and even maybe going back to MMA, which I think would be a mistake. The women fighting today are miles above the cupcakes that Rousey padded her record with in her UFC days. You would think that Ronda loses on her way out, but if she is intent on going back to MMA a loss in a scripted fight doesn't look that good. They could give her a win as a "Thank You". My Pick: Shayna Baszler. Give the win to someone who wrestles every week and is staying with the company.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K Pete</u>- Baszler with the win. No doffs.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Logan Paul vs. Ricochet-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- Logan Paul is not a very good person who would do anything to get hype and attention. So I like him. Plus he backs it up, even better. Ricochet is one of the most athletic on the roster, so this is guaranteed to be zero to 50 from the start. Word is that Logan requested that this match go on first so he can fly out to his brother, Jake Paul's, fight against Nate Diaz later that night. So I expect this one to be quick, which sucks because I think they could have a crazy ten minute match. My Pick: I'm going with the JCM of the WWE Logan Paul.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K. Pete</u>- I'm sipping my boosted Prime energy drink and sticking with Logan Paul.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Gunther vs. Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Title)-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- I really dig Drew McIntyre. Seems like a good dude with a great look, and puts on consistently good matches. But word is that his contract is almost up, and Gunther is around a few months away from breaking the Honky Kong Man's IC title record. I think this will be hard hitting and as real of a fight you will see on this show. Both guys will be sore on Sunday, but My Pick: Gunther will still have the title.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K. Pete</u>- Gunther</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Slim Jim Summerslam Battle Royale-</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- This is the traditional "get everybody on the show" match, but it is also a curse. Whoever wins a major PPV battle royale disappears. Matt Hardy, Big Show, Cesaro to the secondary AEW, Baron Corbin to NXT, Mojo Rawley to nowhere. I know everybody is pushing for LA Knight to win, but that could be the worst thing that could happen to him. Let him make it to the end but get tossed just to make the fans want to see him win even more. My Pick: Anyone but LA Knight. Let's go with Omos.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K. Pete</u>- I'm going chalk on this one. LA Knight.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u><b>Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor (World Title)-</b></u></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- This one is tough to call. The Judgement Day faction is the hottest in wrestling right now, but Balor is the coldest part. Rhea Metro and Dominik Mysterio are heat magnets, and Damien Priest has the Money in the Bank briefcase. Then again you have Seth, who is trying to make the World title legit (good luck). My Pick: Seth retains the title, Balor is booted from Judgement Day and is replaced by....Bray Wyatt.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K. Pete</u>- A swerve! No Money in the Bank cash in yet. I'm picking Rollins in a match that will set the record for interference.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Cody Rhodes vs. Brock Lesnar</u></b>-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- This will be their third match. They are both 1-1 so this will probably be the end of the feud. There was a stipulation teased but it was never announced. I am looking forward to this but I think it will just be a "match". Cody has a new documentary out, and Brock has enough cache to take a loss so... My Pick: Cody Rhodes</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K. Pete</u>.- Cody</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Bianca Belair (Women's title)</u></b>-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- This match has pretty much the worst build up on the show so my interest is not very high. One of the three interferes in another of the three's matches and costs them the match. Rinse and repeat for a month. All three are talented and could put on a banger of a match, but I really don't care. My Pick: Charlotte Flair in a not quite upset, upset.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K. Pete</u>- Charlotte Flair. Botched boob job. Not a doff.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Roman Reigns vs. Jey Uso (Universal Title/Tribal Chief)</u></b>-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Metro</u>- This angle has been the best and hottest in wrestling in years, and it is felt like it has gone on for years (it has). I'm not going to recap 2 years worth of story here, but basically Roman has been at the top of the food chain for over 1000 days, nearing Hulk Hogan's modern record. He has beat everybody put in front of him, usually needing help from his cousins the Uso's. Now his cousin is fighting him for the title and the title of "Tribal Chief". There are way too many intangibles to list here that include the other Uso, Paul Human, Sami Zayn, and others. Expect a boring 15 minutes of punches and clotheslines followed by another 15 minutes of full on great match/storytelling. So basically, a typical Roman Reigns match, and because it is a Roman Reigns match... My Pick: Roman Reigns via shenanigans. Although, all bets are off if The Rock shows up. I just don't see a tag team wrestler winning the title. If Roman loses I hope they have all living members of the Samoan bloodline to carry him off like the Predator in Predator 2.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>K. Pete</u>- Roman Reigns is not losing to Jey Uso at the 2nd biggest show of the year.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> So that's it. If I'm not mistaken, both me and Kentucky Pete have the exact same picks for every match but the battle royale. So much for expert analysis. To everybody going downtown for the big fight or any other event, the main idea is to just have fun. Do it. Do it safe, but not too safe because that's boring. Thanks for letting me nerd out for a bit. Detroit really doesn't get big events like this. I'll be back to ripping on local events and fests shortly. Until then, buy the book. Link is up there^^^^^</div><div style="text-align: left;">As I lay down I am buzzed awake by a notification from K. Pete along with a most excellent photo of this Sydney Sweeney girl, so I try masturbating but I can't climax because all I can think of is when Randy Orton will return...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth,</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-85118351443771216092023-07-27T07:14:00.001-07:002023-07-27T07:14:11.287-07:00Make Up Something- Metro's Second Book<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here. The sun is rising and I am very tired. My second book, "Make Up Something," is finally finished. It really has been a labor of love, so now let me bore you with the details.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I came up with the concept for the second book in winter 2022/23 where I thought it would be kind of cool, not cold, to see if any local writers, musicians, artists, or creepos had any "castaways" laying around, some of their works that may or may not see the light of day. Some people actually responded. After receiving an unexpected 12 submissions (that I read too many times), I sat down and ordered them to create a flow, much like an album or a movie or a five course dinner. After that, I went back and read them again, and then I sat down and wrote a framing/wrap-around story that ties all of them together, a writer's retreat that goes very wrong.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZoHA8Zbk1y1kDYNYGWnFpC_b3QoAF5oJZ2wkPSJZcIt6FkSdOAkr1Lowfjcyq0oU5IHHIEaFEjz_r5oMlFvcJ4vpw1QjeOEAK4FSlml97hLo2axFXSXxZjiMqIE46ScDiaNQNck9MxowWOVGf3RAzFhyP8juO-d6sKA646lsy2dcwso4B29HSK-TR/s1823/cover1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1173" data-original-width="1823" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZoHA8Zbk1y1kDYNYGWnFpC_b3QoAF5oJZ2wkPSJZcIt6FkSdOAkr1Lowfjcyq0oU5IHHIEaFEjz_r5oMlFvcJ4vpw1QjeOEAK4FSlml97hLo2axFXSXxZjiMqIE46ScDiaNQNck9MxowWOVGf3RAzFhyP8juO-d6sKA646lsy2dcwso4B29HSK-TR/w400-h258/cover1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Each of the submissions were submitted under an alias, but their real names are listed in the post book "credits", but only if they wanted. I took every submission and created a character for them to be included in the main story. There is some truth, some exaggeration, but they are all characters in the main story, and I tried to give every one of them their moment because they took the time to share their works.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Basically, what I am saying is that you get 14 short stories, poems, essays, etc., along with the main story, the thriller. Some of the submissions were simple one sentence "movie pitches" where the contributor just gave me a premise and then I tuned one sentence into 12 pages. I'll take half the credit for those haha. You will know those chapters when you read them, but the other chapters are just as fulfilling, I promise. It was very fun (and exhausting) compiling, editing, and writing an anthology like this. There is a lot to consume in 145 crisp pages that could be devoured in two sittings.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "A former model is approached by an old man at the bar with an offer of a million dollars, but only if she killed him."- Alfred Hitchcock Presents, there ya go.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "A businessman, who is lost, stumbles onto a town, but the town is empty."- Twilight Zone, check!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "A seemingly comical trip to a Halloween party in Las Vegas turns dark."- Hunter S Thompson and Eyes Wide Shut on Line One.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "A day in the life...in Spain"- Hemingway, Line Two.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "A private investigator is in over his head involving a model who is much more dangerous than she seems."- ???</div><div style="text-align: left;"> These are only a few of the chapters. There are so many more, and all are good and have their place in the narrative, but I don't want to spoil any more. I am very proud of the end result. My first book took me a decade to write, and this one only six months. Granted, I had the help of multiple contributors to flesh out the page count, but everything came together great. I have the upmost respect for everyone who contributed, and I hope that I have created something that gave your words life. This was never meant to be an "art project," oh spare me, but it was meant to be fun, with so many different moods, where you keep guessing until you run out of guesses.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> And for all who don't care for me, I understand, I'm with you, but I'm not making any money off this. I am handling all printing costs through a publisher in Arizona. I will not see your name, address, or any personal information. This is just something that I woke up to in a fever dream as the sun was coming up, and just thought, "Why not?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Here is the link to buy the book: <a href="https://app.thebookpatch.com/BookStore/make-up-something/f98994cd-064f-4632-ad84-7ea9557fca47?fbclid=IwAR2dz5q45sY_eymYteIPoMTIssoF-dTTBNdxSLBNyNVjB8FrPBsWIbd8nN8" target="_blank">Make Up Something by Bryan Metro</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Or you could always go back to playing on your phones.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">Bryan Metro</div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-69159061407634819782023-07-22T02:20:00.000-07:002023-07-22T02:20:59.164-07:00Hail Zombo or Fail Zombo- The End of the Theater Bizarre Cash Grab<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT3H6Oq-U5b6p8YdHAgbOJHYUU6rSNeQvkYQ3Drnj7igD0lM7EUdl4yHPVkRQrHbqBh6JwB6LqoaZLoCh6GoNYY6bzURJQX2Kvl53PSl4OfKIkWHWJnYhRf9WAQWQG7Uey0tsRkOKg8yv2Xs_PGGPjsFVOyrUskN3LBvN4_nkkgVg86G8YD8yEpGvH/s2048/bud7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1201" data-original-width="2048" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT3H6Oq-U5b6p8YdHAgbOJHYUU6rSNeQvkYQ3Drnj7igD0lM7EUdl4yHPVkRQrHbqBh6JwB6LqoaZLoCh6GoNYY6bzURJQX2Kvl53PSl4OfKIkWHWJnYhRf9WAQWQG7Uey0tsRkOKg8yv2Xs_PGGPjsFVOyrUskN3LBvN4_nkkgVg86G8YD8yEpGvH/s320/bud7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here. I never expected to hear from JCM Legacy Member -jr on a random Friday morning saying that he had something to post, but he did.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "What are you going to post about?" I asked, still awake from the night before.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Theater Bizarre is cooked. Finished. Toast," he replies, so his post goes up, and you can read it here:</div><div style="text-align: left;"> <a href="https://thejesuschainsawmassacre.blogspot.com/2023/07/the-death-of-theater-bizarre-bye-bye.html" target="_blank">-jr On Theater Bizarre</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">All of this hit me in a weird way. I've never been a fan of Theater Bizarre. Just to get it out of the way, it is a cool concept for those that dig the Halloween thing, which I do, who doesn't? But it has always rubbed me the wrong way in that it is overpriced, populated by failed theater kids performing, populated by failed theater kids attending, $7 for a fucking hot dog, and a contest to spot the first non-elitist person of color.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> There are many angles to this story of Theater Bizarre imploding almost as quick as a deep sea dive, but there are even more questions. And I like questions more. Questions are fun. Questions are sexy, and I have so many questions. But before the questions, a brief history lesson...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Theater Bizarre started around 2000, and was held at the MI State Fairgrounds, which by that point was well on its way to being a complete wasteland. In 2010 (decent run), it was shut down by higher up's because of zoning violations, which resulted in a last minute relocation to the Fillmore Detroit. It has been at the Masonic Temple since 2011. Why didn't they stay at the Fillmore, or try to resolve the zoning violations with State Fair? Ahhhh, so many questions.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So jump, flash, cut to 2023, and this gem of a statement comes out:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU2W_v6486sRlj4KTOBje_FokQmiE6n_Ap3Dp8yFPKDnA2LVdugQU0byhlrgTh3QdRVVKI9yoBNX2wXnK3DotVJFP-8SCKVP22T_2F1sNfiShKUrFpc-MbvoRQWHRP-Y30u5v63jjfABwjiZFFCUxYnplZhAbRdo2SHzrRGQ_xj10aU-A_JmVEl_ry/s855/biz2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="557" data-original-width="855" height="416" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU2W_v6486sRlj4KTOBje_FokQmiE6n_Ap3Dp8yFPKDnA2LVdugQU0byhlrgTh3QdRVVKI9yoBNX2wXnK3DotVJFP-8SCKVP22T_2F1sNfiShKUrFpc-MbvoRQWHRP-Y30u5v63jjfABwjiZFFCUxYnplZhAbRdo2SHzrRGQ_xj10aU-A_JmVEl_ry/w640-h416/biz2.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir__OtoX1fIjrMg3VUaBVCXSXlYY34v2C0JvUQmllTfNSQAmSqvltfA5WdAGKl3dU2saUOkNfc1XbkS2Zro_rbYeofUzi7q_AoJDmT46waL0wOE3xDUdaA2M5FNXZp3qpwjiE8rxk9z_5WdB-O27tdeZr_R_JUMOGXhag5aIRh_MjJOnKfkLiEWsDh/s837/biz3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="510" data-original-width="837" height="390" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEir__OtoX1fIjrMg3VUaBVCXSXlYY34v2C0JvUQmllTfNSQAmSqvltfA5WdAGKl3dU2saUOkNfc1XbkS2Zro_rbYeofUzi7q_AoJDmT46waL0wOE3xDUdaA2M5FNXZp3qpwjiE8rxk9z_5WdB-O27tdeZr_R_JUMOGXhag5aIRh_MjJOnKfkLiEWsDh/w640-h390/biz3.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">After wiping away all of my tears, the questions started flying in again...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> If they had to do a last minute relocation in 2010 due to zoning violations, why not make an attempt to relocate in 2023. I mean, it's July, they haven't even gotten around to beg for volunteers yet. There is time. Next question: Why no effort?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Last year, they were double booked as well with Judas Priest, yet it still happened. I think Judas Priest is a bigger scheduling conflict than some jobber comedians. You can read about my coverage of 2022 Theater Bizarre where me and Kentucky Pete walked right in with fake tokens and madness happens at the link <a href="https://thejesuschainsawmassacre.blogspot.com/2022/10/the-great-pumpkin-hunt-jcm-crashes.html" target="_blank">Metro Crashes Theater Bizarre</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Next question: Why no effort?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Their sob story explanation is just infuriating. They made the mistake of spouting off numbers, numbers they can no way validate. But this got my attention because I love to know where the money is going. Ask Hamtramck Music Festival. Oh wait, they are a ghost too these days...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Take a look back at their statement up there. $130,000 "feeding both our crew and patrons." Ummmm, the last 10 years of my timelines have been populated by Theater Bizarre posts asking, no begging, for volunteers. $130,000???? C'mon now, show the receipts. Oh and in regard to "feeding the patrons" here is a copy of the menu from last year...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgssA1EUCGrETR3In-N7626LgPO8dOcwdkMW64c8WsTgz3p8RM5bjLie0gWONKRmJjidzfHR8oftz0t_T5GgcUPCHT3W9rx0dLsDAdV2XecnOMQzFZ-pTdxZmK0QGFJ-kXBEqGQRCChh6H5KCIE-__BThR1Utm_a6fKx4d3k-FgROJQ9qpgXia_4gyb/s960/biz4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="630" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgssA1EUCGrETR3In-N7626LgPO8dOcwdkMW64c8WsTgz3p8RM5bjLie0gWONKRmJjidzfHR8oftz0t_T5GgcUPCHT3W9rx0dLsDAdV2XecnOMQzFZ-pTdxZmK0QGFJ-kXBEqGQRCChh6H5KCIE-__BThR1Utm_a6fKx4d3k-FgROJQ9qpgXia_4gyb/w420-h640/biz4.jpg" width="420" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Next question: So where is the money going?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> $60,000 spent on security. Once again, please list, recommend, support, and most importantly, define where the $60,000 went.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Next question: So where is the money going?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> This one is my favorite, "The Eastern Market Farmer who will lose #15,000 in pumpkin sales." I couldn't stop laughing. So if this pumpkin farmer had 3 guys working for him they could have made $60k if they gave up farming and just worked security? If Theater Bizarre actually cared about the anonymous "farmer" why not post their name so all of the goofs that overpay for this shit can support him? Or maybe.....he just doesn't exist. Anyway, more questions...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So where was the money going?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I can go on, but I'm already fed up. It is high time that this cash grab has been called out. I have friends who have worked with Theater Bizarre (none played tambourine, thank god), and friends who (over) paid to attend, and if they had fun, then I am happy. My mantra is always, "Just have fun, too much fun".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But it is painfully obvious that there is something else in play here. The Masonic may be a part of it, or the Theater Bizarre crew may be a part of it. But if you have a brain, and if the Theater Bizarre statement about the amount of revenue they bring to local hotels, restaurants that don't serve $7 hot dogs, oh, and the also unmentioned sound and lighting "companies", the "legendary" Rocky Peanut Co., some more unacknowledged "production houses", the Uber drivers, and countless other unmentioned businesses.... whew, all of that. All of that up there I just posted being booted from a date or two because of some no-name comedian. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. do the math, Good lord, I'm tired.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">To conclude:</div><div style="text-align: left;">Where is/was the money going?</div><div style="text-align: left;">Is this Hamtramck Music Fest 2.0 (taxes)?</div><div style="text-align: left;">Is Zombo not this great and scary and cool creature, but just another cash grabbing pussy?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth,</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-39062836446765444322023-07-21T08:07:00.003-07:002023-07-21T08:07:59.184-07:00The Death of Theater Bizarre/ Bye Bye Cash Grabbers/Return of -jr<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Hey all, Bryan Metro here. The National Affairs Desk received a missive from a core member while I was contemplating the death of Tony Bennett, and I immediately hopped to the typewriter and started typing. At the time, I had no idea that Theater Bizarre was dead. We will let -jr take it from there.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Today's local interwebs and avid sharers have brought to my attention that Zombo the Clown and Theater Bizarre are no more, the Hamtramck Music Fest model. They wore out their welcome at the State Fairgrounds and history seems to have repeated itself at Jack White's rehabilitated Masonic Temple, This news crawled into my brain like a chinch-bug, and for once, caused me to take a worldview. My conclusion?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">People are fed up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Is the pendulum finally swinging back? Is everyone finally sick of the freaks and constant whiners? Who would've thought that Kid Rock, and I'm not comparing myself to the Stooges, taking his assault rifle to cases of Bud Light or Jason Aldean, whoever that is, singing about leaving his fucking town alone would be championed? A return to normalcy is on the horizon. Pandemics and forced seclusion tied with social media has made everyone believe that their opinion carries weight, and against all odds and logic, they just might be right.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Example: Metro's (not allowed to talk about it) censorship trial. XYZ made fun of me online, and I don't like it and have emotional damage. Please. Spare me. Grow up. Metro won, by the way.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Common sense goes a long way, and just because someone doesn't agree with you means they are a bigot, misogynist, etc. Difference in opinion and logical conversation are typically promote progress. Look at the Occupy movement, a bunch of whiners, setting up shanty towns in the middle of cities. Goals? Nah, no goals, just whining, while all the others looked down and laughed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I've digressed a bit, so let me run things back to Theater Bizarre. To me, it's always been the closest thing to a satanic Halloween party with the exception of them touting a statue of Baphomet. They might as well get Sam Smith to perform, oh wait, it has been cancelled.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcsgU7j6J--nJLoEqXEBvt7aD9bWtUiN5oPou-qiqGe8uglEP0hkJ3gU_U9i3PaAQaVaElSIaOKtZSYaMwkirGcGu9WGlPJkfRFWbYflnXy6W3T2RN0L1ySOBGs5wtSUxGYbLnJ66ZbzFCInE32-PxMxPcgCoTVRzhdf28U_mULZ03AWtLePlkXAAc/s790/sammy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="527" data-original-width="790" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcsgU7j6J--nJLoEqXEBvt7aD9bWtUiN5oPou-qiqGe8uglEP0hkJ3gU_U9i3PaAQaVaElSIaOKtZSYaMwkirGcGu9WGlPJkfRFWbYflnXy6W3T2RN0L1ySOBGs5wtSUxGYbLnJ66ZbzFCInE32-PxMxPcgCoTVRzhdf28U_mULZ03AWtLePlkXAAc/w400-h266/sammy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">People are sick of being accepting. Some things should be shunned. Some people might need professional help. Maybe we are headed that way. Maybe not. But there is always a 30 second TikTok of some headcase whining, telling the world it should revolve around them. But, for today, it is Zombo the Clown. Pussy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Born Evil</div><div style="text-align: left;">-jr</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-90837045385704922122023-07-12T08:49:00.004-07:002023-07-13T07:11:24.614-07:00Review of a Fest, Get SCREWed in Corktown, and Elder Abuse in Fat City<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here. Back when I started writing here, way back when, when the Metro Times had a decent weekly preview section that I would steal, and then write my own weekly preview, it was the best of days. It was one of our most popular posts because I just basically ripped on everything, but the acts that "got it" knew that any exposure is good exposure. Flash, jump cut to 2023 and the Metro Times is on life support, just a husk, with a failed editor and interns that only have the mental capabilities to write about dispensaries, or stuff they've seen other, better, writers say on social media. Well baby, the weekly preview is back, Jack!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Before we get to that, I want to take a minute to give a quick review of the Corktown Summer Music Fest. Despite my fears, last week's fest was a great success. I take all the credit of course, but not really. I was shocked at the turnout, and hope that the charity got some cash. I will go on record saying all of the acts put their "All" into it, all three days. I knew we were in for "something" as loyal assistant Sebastian Owl and I were driving downtown and I get a call from -jr.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "This thing is packed. I parked on the street. Hurry up!"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> He was not wrong. Parking was tricky. Both the Lager House and Brooklyn 2000 were filled. I find -jr holding court at the bar and proceed to drink responsibly with him. It was local legend Woodman's birthday and he bought <i>me</i> a beer. On <i>his</i> birthday. I felt gross, but it didn't stop me from accepting it, and it was a great feeling to see some old faces, and a few new ones. For a second or two, it felt like old times, a good thing.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Soon after, our backup, possibly perm, tambourine player Darlene S. arrived, and then another round was ordered. I was impressed with her ability to arrive not covered in theater blood, but I was more impressed that she arrived. She did confess to me that she considered having blood flow from her eyes. I said that blood from the ears would be better, and she gave me the "What Up" face, crazy eyes and tilted head, and then we went to set up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Except I didn't. I snuck out to Brooklyn 2000, a venue I had never been to before, where I caught The Hourlies' set. It was good, and the venue was nice and clean. Enough of that. So I went back and JCM 2023 performed our set and it went okay. I only forgot a few words, -jr was back in the saddle, and Darlene S. was great, despite never playing with us before. She even had maracas in addition to a tambourine. Be still, my fucking heart. Since we were the headliners, after our set, we left, and everything went cool, with no headaches, and I woke up to a message, "I went to sleep with a smile on my face, and I just woke up with one." Here was our setlist for the Completists:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Economy</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Sonic Egyptian</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Virginia Tech</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Scatter Lee</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Pin-Up Love/Death Race</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Carnavoyeur (Queens of the Stone Age cover)</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>Destination Street</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>TV Eye (Stooges cover)</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>End of the World</b></div><div style="text-align: left;">All of those can be found on Spotify, nerds.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb_MIzJx-hcNlrocJ-giM9vIiqix1c9wxLDtOGRBlONr-v6Of4Wm4gSxN5FQJibdbdJwwA4DySgzz0QJFJGO7BDt1KUdo6Lqsua9YT1RbkE5GQ2eyPvMY1xC6HWu7LIuL6Kr8vjHxNAlDPlQC0bLYmlqicClRlwNofgGaQeTXo1C1TPWlw4Ut4nm_P/s2048/fest9.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb_MIzJx-hcNlrocJ-giM9vIiqix1c9wxLDtOGRBlONr-v6Of4Wm4gSxN5FQJibdbdJwwA4DySgzz0QJFJGO7BDt1KUdo6Lqsua9YT1RbkE5GQ2eyPvMY1xC6HWu7LIuL6Kr8vjHxNAlDPlQC0bLYmlqicClRlwNofgGaQeTXo1C1TPWlw4Ut4nm_P/w400-h300/fest9.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Both Saturday and Sunday at the Fest were great and well attended. Not to be too positive (because the shadow is about to fall), but it was kind of cool to see newer, lesser known acts playing to actual people. And then, the shadow falls. On to the Weekly Preview.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I remember back in 2010 it took me 30 minutes to write these previews. Now, the local scene is on life support, so this will be shorter.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> The first show really gives me the creeps. This would be the Rodriguez birthday show at the Cadieux Café, Thurs. July 13th. This has been advertised for over a month, but it just weirds me out. It just seems exploitive, and a little gross. Here is the flyer</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkC6nysUxrpR7JrA1_4mkMnakHLOr3g814srjFZ1dXdqRuUKty1Hx-M2X5OXsw9YklTd8DSwQ6BFY7woDb0tqGOiC0KLd92QzUY0sBGWzq-7eNz2fcgwUNDNwxafmtTrEFl_-CoyOUe7P1C_SvU5dswIEti3IuiCExBQUUo9sq9wAyU34KksVrTb5x/s1462/rod.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1462" data-original-width="1170" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkC6nysUxrpR7JrA1_4mkMnakHLOr3g814srjFZ1dXdqRuUKty1Hx-M2X5OXsw9YklTd8DSwQ6BFY7woDb0tqGOiC0KLd92QzUY0sBGWzq-7eNz2fcgwUNDNwxafmtTrEFl_-CoyOUe7P1C_SvU5dswIEti3IuiCExBQUUo9sq9wAyU34KksVrTb5x/w320-h400/rod.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The flyer gives the (very wrong) impression that Rodriguez will be playing. This is not the case. He has had health problems recently and there is no way he is playing. But hey, a lot of other people are! Forget the fact that most have zero connection to Rodriguez's history, but some of them are good to great. The Orbitsuns opened for JCM at the New Dodge last year, and Paul Smith of the Strains is one of the most decent humans you can encounter, and can rock. The main issue I have is that the venue/organizers will not in any way confirm that Rodriguez will actually be there. I am talking about the event page, the very least one can do to promote something. The gross, poorly designed flyer (with just as many "sponsors" as acts playing, do the math) implies that he will, but who knows? But hey! It's Detroit! Who fucking knows? Anyway, I guess it is sold out, so their ad-wizard did their job. But take a look at that flyer up there again. Who the fuck is Marz Radio and how do they get second billing? I've never heard of them, never seen them, never had to preview them. What is their connection to Rodriguez? A friend? Relative? Former bandmate? Ohhhhhhh no... they're booking the event. Oh Detroit scene, you never fail to impress me. Moving on. Wait...I couldn't resist...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjF1uIBna3CFRw-8k84T5rPslo7L-iDWzj8MD9164BdPczzuSSKPI7x9ueznTQyyUtTdGaU0ydydKNUMIa8XFwZ9b2r4f2kQOrDykVpXnOZRyZjq2ZT1uMOmjHSq9G69lKIJd-97ewGiX3XtW0QiuSB_Dt-JbI4QVCRSVEvk6coF_ZGtQwAntb61Et/s3184/sixto.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2120" data-original-width="3184" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjF1uIBna3CFRw-8k84T5rPslo7L-iDWzj8MD9164BdPczzuSSKPI7x9ueznTQyyUtTdGaU0ydydKNUMIa8XFwZ9b2r4f2kQOrDykVpXnOZRyZjq2ZT1uMOmjHSq9G69lKIJd-97ewGiX3XtW0QiuSB_Dt-JbI4QVCRSVEvk6coF_ZGtQwAntb61Et/w640-h426/sixto.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Sorry, I couldn't resist. I hate giving anonymous commenters their "shine", but this one absolutely hit the mark!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivOL0E0jnL7pApY87sTjKjkfy_lDIvSF1LvNLruxenDVSbH7hdUeMvu8-RXahqJ4JO4LWixzvFcd7CzH7_ltDiB28UVgI4SGrZCbBl5P2UZkqxJHNzN4x4t787aTfQv_xEsxrZT-AmEuFG5KDVSzT6M5iVyuX9Qyq09AcQP68OjEygV3qaTd1fmN7N/s1265/cap.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="212" data-original-width="1265" height="108" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivOL0E0jnL7pApY87sTjKjkfy_lDIvSF1LvNLruxenDVSbH7hdUeMvu8-RXahqJ4JO4LWixzvFcd7CzH7_ltDiB28UVgI4SGrZCbBl5P2UZkqxJHNzN4x4t787aTfQv_xEsxrZT-AmEuFG5KDVSzT6M5iVyuX9Qyq09AcQP68OjEygV3qaTd1fmN7N/w640-h108/cap.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;">There is also this. These are two separate flyers posted on one of the booker's page. The first one has $10 and the next one $15. Why the change? The lineup never shifted. Do the people who paid $15 get a $5 refund? Once again so very vague, and just a little bit gross. Tell me when I'm lying.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAS_XSOzx1gbAqfbdCHQAr2T-57GgvXNkrDzSeyjqT0KhYRW0cmNR4mCHLjo-PG5WYCPtzZhno_lpnnjMiBfBREqV3m3IjJ-cSCaqtIgLVOwV4n1_hTfRlrh0j4TV7FmzT_0gdj4OEMMUa-DQ3afJhF6tMscvsmYLj7bBgj-BCZAjz32TVr4OXfTy-/s517/sixto1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="517" data-original-width="511" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAS_XSOzx1gbAqfbdCHQAr2T-57GgvXNkrDzSeyjqT0KhYRW0cmNR4mCHLjo-PG5WYCPtzZhno_lpnnjMiBfBREqV3m3IjJ-cSCaqtIgLVOwV4n1_hTfRlrh0j4TV7FmzT_0gdj4OEMMUa-DQ3afJhF6tMscvsmYLj7bBgj-BCZAjz32TVr4OXfTy-/w395-h400/sixto1.PNG" width="395" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsDfJQJpzsDyW5XCHksrTzCvyzTzhFPMmv81LosaqaeLlUuMnlbH77jiHe_N0_tQtbtugrTyA0nOizE_2_xrrVcCMUUj37MU7gsHSE5l4cmoGZ2Ursv18C2W8mg4sLRpYaLlJgg0G4cdf-PI0-78-PtjVkljz4Y8sm2g-gavWcmON0NJkoGqF8VrU0/s587/sixto2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="587" data-original-width="493" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsDfJQJpzsDyW5XCHksrTzCvyzTzhFPMmv81LosaqaeLlUuMnlbH77jiHe_N0_tQtbtugrTyA0nOizE_2_xrrVcCMUUj37MU7gsHSE5l4cmoGZ2Ursv18C2W8mg4sLRpYaLlJgg0G4cdf-PI0-78-PtjVkljz4Y8sm2g-gavWcmON0NJkoGqF8VrU0/w336-h400/sixto2.PNG" width="336" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The next show to preview is very bittersweet because the JCM was booked for it, but we had to back out, the first time in a decade we have had to do so. Sure, we've been kicked off of plenty, but have never had to withdraw. This is me at my most sincere, I feel awful about it. The show is Saturday July 15th at the Corktown Tavern, and features Raging Psychos, Woolly, and SCREW. Due to scheduling issues, the JCM won't be able to play with them, which actually probably benefits the show. I never do single show previews, but I have to here because most bookers are kinda scared of us, but they took a chance. We just couldn't make it work, and I am not going to call in E.First or Darlene S. to play tambourine while I try to play guitar like a jerk. Thankfully, the other bands are better than that in that they will actually be there. So! SCREW, Woolly, and Raging Psychos punk rock party, July 15th at Corktown Tavern. And I promise they won't be promoting elder abuse like that Rodriguez show.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6wfY5oo8AXq-NdeCWd2l_yL5hn6nOXs3vY2oYyOhvl7Tvlm1-RhVgMvHqiVKiTsHB_wNoiQC5wekWp8e3tsDhd-NDZEznI5HrrJHycJivO6tiFdZPOE3fUr1eq4N23W_XZOvvfb_Pxc-7beS03mfT4F01fOJywa6mU64pgi6f47Zt8cTj7dThr3pN/s2048/screw.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1583" data-original-width="2048" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6wfY5oo8AXq-NdeCWd2l_yL5hn6nOXs3vY2oYyOhvl7Tvlm1-RhVgMvHqiVKiTsHB_wNoiQC5wekWp8e3tsDhd-NDZEznI5HrrJHycJivO6tiFdZPOE3fUr1eq4N23W_XZOvvfb_Pxc-7beS03mfT4F01fOJywa6mU64pgi6f47Zt8cTj7dThr3pN/s320/screw.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The JCM will be back, in some form, at least in book form, very soon. As for live performances, you never know. The world is full of surprises. If the Corktown Summer Fest was our last show, then I am happy with that. But there is a needy, carnavoyeur, part of me that wants to see what a full band JCM can do in 2023/24 with Darlene having a go with the fake blood. I can already picture looking at -jr and him rolling his eyes. But, until then, enjoy the week because the world is full of surprises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-5126412565382070002023-07-06T14:52:00.001-07:002023-07-06T14:52:11.521-07:002023 Corktown Music Fest- The 11th Hour<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> As the title says, it is the 11th hour, and almost time for the summer in the city version of the Corktown Music Festival. Hey all, Metro here, bringing you one last "hard sell" for the 2023 Corktown Summer Music Fest. You should know the basics by now. Nearly 100 acts across two venues Friday July 7th through Sunday July 9th. The Lager House is Friday only, but with a (vague) afterparty Sunday. Brooklyn 2000 is for all three nights, and is a cool event space in a vintage part of town. I have never been there.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Wristbands are $20 for a three day pass, and $10 for a single day pass, which isn't that bad considering most local shows these days have a $10 cover just for 3-4 bands. It's called "Value" people, and it goes to a good cause, I think, Girls Rock Detroit!, which promotes creative expression, community awareness, and positive self-esteem. I can't stress how much that last part means. You can look them up here at this link:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/GirlsRockDetroit" target="_blank">Girls Rock Detroit</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> For the past few weeks, I have previewed the entire Fest, the only local music entity to do that by the way, and have been for the past half decade, showcasing every act, good or mid, and have done everything I have could to charter hype and raise awareness for the Fest, all for no charge. What did you do this week? These days, a simple post on your band's Facebook page with 100 subscribers isn't going to cut it. These days, you need the most read local music, pop culture, and entertainment blog for over a decade to step in and say, "Hey, maybe check this thing out!" Or you could just go back and read Jeff Milo reposting the same band profiles from acts that are ten years old, but one's that people don't remember (Oscillating Fan Club, anything Craig Brown, anything associated with Third Man Records not named Jack White).</div><div style="text-align: left;"> But you still remember JCM. Well, at least a few of you do. Of course our set at the Fest has been targeted by the lame, boring, and dull "cancel culture" crew, but what these aging artifacts and never-were's will never understand is that we don't care. The value of the JCM was never really about the music (although some of it is fun), or the bodies we drew in. It was always about the word of mouth, the talk around town. And that is still there. So, to all the waterheads out there, keep falling back on your liquid keyboard tears about Queen Kwong, and tax evasion, and pressure cookers filled with local band CD's. We have evolved. We are now the good guys, the babyfaces, while everyone else has become the "No More Fun Club", just happy to be miserable because it's so much easier that way. We are still here. We are preaching fun. We are Still playing Friday, July 7th at the Lager House for the Corktown Music Fest in support of Girls Rock Detroit. I finished my 2nd book as well this week, "Make Up Something". To all the constant complainers, what have You done this week? As for the Fest, be sure to grab your 3 day pass and support all of the local acts donating their time and talent. Get there early. Support the venues. You can check the links below for my previews of every act playing. We will also have the official "Bug JCM Merch Stand"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQSGJhf1AGKCgwjGjfJXuyw8-VFugEvMopTknkF4ukDF3QW_-ngSjfzWYf7SuTGdEgC1pB_G6eybbwsz8bP6Ag1scvu4KC_GjyA8EMNp3AdPO1B8TTQW3L-9GUpi89s8kjFjzWyuuIDhyDkquzpf1xRjP03jZc-S30GyOrDXXf-YD7tUCg60Wq9RJQ/s853/fly.webp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQSGJhf1AGKCgwjGjfJXuyw8-VFugEvMopTknkF4ukDF3QW_-ngSjfzWYf7SuTGdEgC1pB_G6eybbwsz8bP6Ag1scvu4KC_GjyA8EMNp3AdPO1B8TTQW3L-9GUpi89s8kjFjzWyuuIDhyDkquzpf1xRjP03jZc-S30GyOrDXXf-YD7tUCg60Wq9RJQ/s320/fly.webp" width="240" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> And this leads us to the Final Preview, the only preview that matters, but not really, but the only preview that doesn't consist of a lazy Facebook post, "Hey check out my band guys," the only preview that isn't supported by the Metro Times. Oh yeah, them.... If you check the Metro Times website (as of this writing), there is zero mention of the Corktown Music Fest in support of Girls Rock Detroit in their events search. With nearly 100 local music artists involved, how can there be not a single mention of this Fest on their page?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjPiGTFUxC5njQ6jv8gibsGzyi0CPwEXmfNo607aky_m3aaj168BJ2vVZuscmOHLxgc_qJmGHasxA090TgeciE5N87ddndJT0XWzhPhihgPikRunD0DOF6R5T0s6ZQk08vBkN8GKI97lww1CFA9KqpKODBKh3gStWMfOwG7aMHXkxYNzAzMJ33-AoL/s732/mt.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="417" data-original-width="732" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjPiGTFUxC5njQ6jv8gibsGzyi0CPwEXmfNo607aky_m3aaj168BJ2vVZuscmOHLxgc_qJmGHasxA090TgeciE5N87ddndJT0XWzhPhihgPikRunD0DOF6R5T0s6ZQk08vBkN8GKI97lww1CFA9KqpKODBKh3gStWMfOwG7aMHXkxYNzAzMJ33-AoL/w400-h228/mt.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Zero mention of any band playing, zero mention of the charity, zero mention of a Fest featuring nearly 100 bands. This is the best part, they actually have blurbs for events in Port Huron instead (??!!), along with open-mic comedy shows in Hamtramck (??!!). Can we finally put the Metro Times to sleep and send Lee DeVito to Canada, where he belongs, and let him choke on all the smoke. Of course I don't mean that literally, but it is a metaphor for the shit they put out on a weekly basis, just a bunch of failed writers, interns, and has-beens. I have loved watching the Metro Times die a slow death these past few years, going from a once semi-respectable local weekly to what amounts to a Kroger/Meijer circular except instead of meat and fruit ad's it's just dispensaries. At least when the coffin is mercifully closed on that rag, Lee and his college reject staff can always apply for a gig at Nerdist or Huffpost, or go back to fan-boy designing Von Bondie's flyers.. From Motor City Rocks to cratering the only remaining local weekly. Great job amateurs!!! Sorry for the tangent, let's stick the final hard sell for the 2023 Corktown Music Fest July 7-9th, Lager House/Brooklyn 2000.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre- Fri. July 7th, midnight, Lager House- Try as you might, and you might just fail, the JCM will be headlining Friday night around midnight. You never know when it could be the last show with core members Metro and -jr. We also have a guest tambourine player, Darlene S. who promises not to cover herself in blood and ruin the stage. We have a crisp 30 minute set lined up, so we can all hit MGM after and watch all the amateur weedheads hit on 18 at the blackjack table.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> So, get out there and support local stuff, stay away from the Metro Times and Port Huron, and check out some new and old acts. I think JCM might be the longest tenured band playing the Fest. That is very scary, and has to piss at least a few people off. You failed. Our work here is done. I tried my best to get the word out. The rest is up to you.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI0Qi20ruL8cx4ZAjpXMBsFBzhOLyClvKyOp5x9GeUROtYTnCSp8KRwguqpVtJfhpKsdAqGGVdP4-ULSS4UY3U_CZtHJFTJcRuYYEMGFeHRrGFdXsSCKngIqPRYdGabT5qRmOZeR97Xk-c9zJ2LTin2xc69VwwVGqCznsyQOmIQ3WdgJAjI8sSBA2K/s3000/fly1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3000" data-original-width="2000" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI0Qi20ruL8cx4ZAjpXMBsFBzhOLyClvKyOp5x9GeUROtYTnCSp8KRwguqpVtJfhpKsdAqGGVdP4-ULSS4UY3U_CZtHJFTJcRuYYEMGFeHRrGFdXsSCKngIqPRYdGabT5qRmOZeR97Xk-c9zJ2LTin2xc69VwwVGqCznsyQOmIQ3WdgJAjI8sSBA2K/w426-h640/fly1.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro </div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-67618701482956106922023-07-03T04:23:00.000-07:002023-07-03T04:23:52.721-07:00CorkTown Fest Prevue Part 3-Sunday<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here. Well, thankfully, June is over with, and summer is in full swing. I am back with my final part of my 2023 CorkTown Summer Music Fest preview. As stated earlier, this festival benefits something called Girls Rock Detroit, a non-profit (verified), that works with female youth and adults in many different ways. They are also cool with the LGBTQ and Trans crowd, which is probably JCM's #1 demographic these days. Admission is $20 for a three day pass, $10 for a single day pass, or you can just show up with a cheap guitar and say you are playing and get in for free, a technique I have used for multiple Blowouts. All proceeds go to the kids, or else we wouldn't be doing this. Have I ever lied to you?</div><div style="text-align: left;"> We will also have the official JCM Merch Table, with all proceeds going to The Marcie Bug Freebie Foundation. You can pick up event exclusive JCM band member Bud Light products designed by my bootlegging Wizard/Wise Man, Kentucky Pete. Imagine trying to shotgun one of these babies and having me or -jr staring you in the face! We'll probably also have signed cd's, and maybe copies of my debut novel, "The Invisible People" as well. For those who can't make it ("I'm out of town, I have to work, I have the kids, etc."), you can purchase the book here: <a href="http://thebp.site/366940" target="_blank">The Invisible People</a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Before we get to the artist previews, I am excited to announce a second JCM summer show, this one at the Corktown Tavern on Saturday, July 15th. This one will be a beautiful disaster, and also a book release soiree for my second book (who saw that coming?) "Make Up Something". Stay tuned for more details and the hype machine roll out soon.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfUGYEg7YiGMKCQnljJ9HsUyYPzugiy-pjyW7ybQBnksR3Nn_TXUEqD3k1cz-x4_Cskz-ES72l9-iHGTER8nba0LbjSDK0vhh3Sy1ZnwEkJm9gmvHwP393r1g5448_B7L5SzsqQEsa9Z3dkTDAOlkqsMVfTgWgd2ub9qkswV41ylaDL5jRoSaYezz/s1024/sun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfUGYEg7YiGMKCQnljJ9HsUyYPzugiy-pjyW7ybQBnksR3Nn_TXUEqD3k1cz-x4_Cskz-ES72l9-iHGTER8nba0LbjSDK0vhh3Sy1ZnwEkJm9gmvHwP393r1g5448_B7L5SzsqQEsa9Z3dkTDAOlkqsMVfTgWgd2ub9qkswV41ylaDL5jRoSaYezz/w400-h400/sun.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Sunday at the CorkTown Summer Music Fest has an early start time at Noon, and is all ages. I'll bite my lip on jokes right now...</div><div style="text-align: left;">Okay!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> All of the acts will be at the Brooklyn 2000 event space which is behind Lager House, and they go until 6pm. But fear not my degenerate drinkers, the Lager House (who is only hosting the fest on Friday) is having a "Fest Afterparty" starting at 7pm. The cover is also $10. I wish I had more info but the event page is filled with so many TBA's that I won't even bother posting the link here. I do NOT know if the $20 three day pass wristband gets you in to the afterparty, though I think it absolutely should. I also do not know where the money is going, although one would hope that it is also going to the Girls Rock Detroit org, which it absolutely should. So far, the only acts announced are something called Bargain World (featuring members of Fen Fen, who I don't know either), and Bitch Kraft, who was scheduled to play Friday for the actual Fest, but aren't playing Friday anymore. Weird. Yeahhh, your mileage may vary on this one kiddos, but hey, support local venues and all!</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Anyway, you know the rules. Each act gets one song/video, and I give a sentence or two of a take on it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Sunday, July 9th-Brooklyn 2000</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">Robert Navarre-</u> "Live"- Mostly acoustic covers. Harmless, okay, music.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Marq Andrew Speck</u></b>- I think his actual band is playing Saturday, so no double dipping. Plus, loses points for the slightly pretentious parlay of the three word name and the spelling of "Marq".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Judy Banker</u></b>- "Buffalo Motel"- Harmless singer songwriter stuff. Good tone. I thought it was good.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Nick James</u></b>- "Live"- Harmless country rock. I think Robert Navarre, Judy Banker, and Nick James should form a band. It would save me some time.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Stuart Benbow</u></b>- "What Can I Do?"- To answer his question, I would join Robert, Judy, and Nick's band I suggested just now.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Hard Luck Pete</u></b>- "Get By"- That was Kentucky Pete's nickname in college. Add Hard Luck Pete to my Sunday supergroup I will need 10% commission on.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>LRAD</u></b>- Has an online, steampunky (maybe), presence, but didn't find much actual content. Do better.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Madigan's Attic</u></b>- "Streams of Whiskey"- Still more acoustic, but Irishy. Almost as catchy as JCM's "Pools of Lube".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Widetrack</u></b>- "Tribal"- Father/Son duo, which is pretty cool. And they are pretty damn solid. I recommend.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>KOT Flame</u></b>- "Live"- They are very polite. The opening song from the footage I saw was pretty good, like late period Gun Club. I liked it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Arbor</u></b>- They are also listed to be playing Saturday. I couldn't find anything on them for Saturday's preview either. Stop wasting my time Arbor, and change your fucking name.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Happenstance</u></b>- I guess this is Robert Navarre from up there's actual band. Double dipping <i>And</i> on the same day! JSB is going to be so jealous.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Zosette and the Groove</u></b>- "Live"- I always get hives when I see the word "Groove" in a band name. They sound exactly like you would think they would.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>dane Doperock</u></b>- I didn't find much. I did find some hip hop guy with the same moniker. He was pretty awful.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Pink 50's</u></b>- "GIMM"- Pretty decent, driving hard rock with a sprinkle of punk. Just a taste. Could do worse.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Microplastics</u></b>- Couldn't find anything. Sorry, but it's not my fault.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Cadriane</u></b>- "Dead Rhythm"- Some electro stuff that wasn't that good, and made me feel old. So, pass.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Miss Paula and the Candy Bandits</u></b>- "Alphabet Song"- I had fun with this song. It was clever, and a pretty decent rocker. Approved Metro Seal.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>No Sin in Eden</u></b>- "Rainy Day"- Mazzy Starr vibes. Harmless and well done. Cool name too.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Poor Player</u></b>- "Live"- This could be my nickname in so many ways. But they are a solid country jam band. Vocals could use some work, but who am I to say?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Jackie's Dead</u></b>- "So Low"- I loved the sax and the overall production. They take this seriously. I liked it, really good song.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Well, that's it for the full preview. At least it ended on a good note. Sunday looks to be a little more low-key which makes sense because I have a feeling this Fest will skew/draw older and everyone will still be recovering from the JCM's set on Friday July 7th at midnight at the Lager House. And there is nothing wrong with that. I will be right there with you. Until the very end. Have I ever lied to you?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkVQ4dliKwbce4gsH8I-Mo3xk9z6zwn5LynTagRAKa5W71DKGy4VzibVnPriuEOhaGtDsn0BMeMTZNSrdl5mBsJozFz5t2LrYSrsdeuM3ESqdI09nT5HjGKiKCQghTWraN6vx5QSW6W2G-w9Pg0-ih0vPMsuCLprTWBoQkrLbm54FnZ_nHlhiQYT5M/s2048/bud6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="985" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkVQ4dliKwbce4gsH8I-Mo3xk9z6zwn5LynTagRAKa5W71DKGy4VzibVnPriuEOhaGtDsn0BMeMTZNSrdl5mBsJozFz5t2LrYSrsdeuM3ESqdI09nT5HjGKiKCQghTWraN6vx5QSW6W2G-w9Pg0-ih0vPMsuCLprTWBoQkrLbm54FnZ_nHlhiQYT5M/w193-h400/bud6.jpg" width="193" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-22600348274151816332023-06-27T05:56:00.001-07:002023-06-27T05:56:11.164-07:00Corktown Music Fest Prevue Pt. 2- Saturday and Changes<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPBCFcMxlf-sHZDl5QI6CJhOzdjav3kWVInf7ThuBNj7ptQABSFy0uzCgzbadM0Vos5_CZSH5OTlnOEKjiLrFfEc6t69k3SzlgYJowxzZAuC2x1dt6-h_IKNguFifmZ37oY1FFQ1SbJgH3iE1hs7mQXNpVnkO3tPE8r3frgMElkXpcjIoOl-Xl7rHb/s474/ocean.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="474" data-original-width="474" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPBCFcMxlf-sHZDl5QI6CJhOzdjav3kWVInf7ThuBNj7ptQABSFy0uzCgzbadM0Vos5_CZSH5OTlnOEKjiLrFfEc6t69k3SzlgYJowxzZAuC2x1dt6-h_IKNguFifmZ37oY1FFQ1SbJgH3iE1hs7mQXNpVnkO3tPE8r3frgMElkXpcjIoOl-Xl7rHb/w400-h400/ocean.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Hey all, Metro here. It is time for the second part of my Corktown Summer Fest preview. This one will be taking care of Saturday's slog. Before we get to the band previews, let's go to the Logistics Department.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Corktown Music Fest takes place takes place Fri. July 7-Sun. July 9 at Lager House and Brooklyn 2000. Lager House is only taking part of Friday, July 7th, but Brooklyn is all three days. The cost is $20 for a three day pass featuring close to 100 bands, some good, some awful, that's the fun, or $10 for a one day pass. All proceeds go to Girls Rock Detroit, a non-profit (verified), designed to help girls deal with growing up loving music, but must be prepared to be hit on or, worse, groomed by a Third Man records employee like Jack White's latest wife. It also benefits LGBTQ and Trans youth.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> But wait! Hold the phone! I just saw that Lager House, who is not participating Sat or Sun is having an "unofficial" afterparty on Sunday. The cost is also $10, and right now only a few bands are attached. One of them, Bitch Kraft, dropped out on Friday, same stage as JCM, which means I wasted time previewing them. I also have no idea if the proceeds from the unofficial afterparty go towards the Girls Rock charity. It could be a cash grab. I will try to find out before the Sunday preview next week. Whatever. Bitch Kraft sucks anyway. On to the bands!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Of course, we have to recap that JCM is playing Friday, July 7th at midnight at Lager House. I am very excited to say that a super secret practice session took place last weekend, our first in half a decade. It was fun. Our 30 minute set will include songs from every one of our albums, and a few surprises, but you don't care about that. I'll probably forget the words to half of them. We will also be introducing a new, guest, tambourine player because Elizabeth First has become completely unreliable, and is in a time out, and because Girls Rock. And don't forget about the JCM "Bug Freebie Foundation" merch table where you can pick up custom designed bottles of Bud Light featuring members of the band (Keep an eye out for the Queen Kwong variants!). Okay, let's get to Saturday's bands.</div><div style="text-align: left;">You can revisit the Friday preview here: <a href="https://thejesuschainsawmassacre.blogspot.com/2023/06/corktown-music-festival-2023-friday.html" target="_blank">FRIDAY!</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">But really, all you need to know is JCM, 12am, Lager.</div><div style="text-align: left;">For Saturday's official schedule you can find it here: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/933593441187782?acontext=%7B%22event_action_history%22%3A[]%7D" target="_blank">Saturday!</a></div><div style="text-align: left;">You know the rules: Search the band, one song/vid, quick blurb.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Memphis Hawk</u></b>- Also playing Friday. Previewed them already. Playing twice? Yikes!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Tom Alter</u></b>- "Chaos in the USA"- Simple, basic, song, but actually pretty damn good. I listened all the way through. Go seek it out.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>That is Joe, This is Dan</u></b>- "Normal Land"- Guitar and drum combo. Harmless.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Dave Toennies</u></b>- "Good Luck Charm"- Acoustic singer songwriter. Harmless.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Brett Lucas</u></b>- "Wrong Place Right"- Allman Brothers vibe. Not bad.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Mike Ward</u></b>- Do you know how many Mike Ward's are out there??</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Yeddie</u></b>- "Crem"- What the hell was that? A complete acid trip. I found myself laughing multiple times. Just bizarro. Much more entertaining that the failed theater kids at Cult of Spaceskrull.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Barbara Jean Machine</u></b>- Live on Twitch- Female DJ/vocalist. I can't tell if she is a "pass", "maybe", or a "Jussright", and it really stresses me out. She is playing after Yeddie, so if you are looking for good drugs that day, you know the rules.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Christweasel</u></b>- "Ain't She Pretty"- More electronic/dub slop. Yeah, the drugs will be everywhere Saturday.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Scum Queens</u></b>- "Still Hate Everyone"- Yeah me too. They describe themselves as "queer-core from Detroit". Hip hop/screamo stuff. Not my thing.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Galaxy Coney Island</u></b>- Didn't find anything music related. Could possibly be a food truck. Happy birthday Sadie!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Jackson & the Poolsharks</u></b>- "Promise Land"- Not my thing, but very well done and well played. Okay, it grew on me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Alcidae</u></b>- "Face Reality"- Standard female-fronted rock. I'll pass on facing reality.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Lisa Hart & the Consequences</u></b>- "Breed"- Nirvana cover at Eloise. It is fun. No issue. Had a mild panic attack when I saw the name thinking it was Lisa Joan and the Consequences because she wants me dead, or in bed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Hydrogen Jukebox</u></b>- "Full Throttle"- Basic rock band who seemed to have discovered the Stooges after their reunion albums.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Summer Like the Season</u></b>- I've previewed them before.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Switchblade Vengeance</u></b>- Live at Trixie's- Well played rock. Solid.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The 3148's</u></b>- "Guillotine"- Great song. Lame-O vocals.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Hail Bop Group</u></b>- Too much leg work to find content.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>TV Blackout</u></b>- "James Bond"- Rock band having fun.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Narc Out the Reds</u></b>- "We Real Cool Too"- Lame song. Interesting video. Decent band name.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Arbor</u></b>- I am not looking this up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Sisterhood</u></b>- Too much hassle to search. Get a better name.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Mercury Salad</u></b>- "Best Guest"- Very professional family band having fun.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>CDC Detroit</u></b>- Didn't find anything. Interesting name. Probably a bunch of pusses.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Vellows</u></b>- Chris Oliver has toiled in the local scene for years, usually getting snubbed for high profile fests. Now this band plays every week it seems. So either he got himself an agent, gives great head, or hard work really pays off. Find out Saturday.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Werewolves</u></b>- "Puppets Are Dead"- Decent heavy rock. Somebody wake the singer up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Death Cat</u></b>- Live on Tik Tok- Theater kids playing noise. Live on Tik Tok....really??</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Zotz</u></b>- "Ramrod"- Solid punk rock. Not bed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Dr. Wolf</u></b>- "Came So Easy"- Dreamy music stuff.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Ladyship Warship</u></b>- Previewed multiple times before. Same as it ever was.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Kasino</u></b>- Too much effort to find anything.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Rob Zinck & the Collaborators</u></b>- Live- The singer had me cracking up. I'd love to see them at their regular jobs at Subway. Also, they owe me a beer for having to type up their band name at 7am after being up all night.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Short Hair Domestics</u></b>- "Watch Me Walk"- Pretty solid rock. Well done. I liked it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>George Montrelle</u></b>- "Here"- Solid singer songwriter. Good voice.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Heat Above</u></b>- Their FB cover photo terrified me. We should have a raffle to shave that one dude's head. All proceeds go to Girls Rock. Stay off the internet kiddos.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Midnight Proof</u></b>- "Rough One"- Decent country rock. Well performed and having fun.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Sweet Crystal</u></b>- Their members are playing twice on Sat & Sun. They are also playing the 7th at Cadieux, thus the typical "local act that supports nobody else unless they are playing the same night". Sweet Crystal can eat a bag of dicks. I'm not even looking them up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Paxton/Spangler Band</u></b>- "Milenberg Joys"- Jazzy professionals having fun.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Characteristics</u></b>- "Bonus Cart"- I liked the vibe of this one. Very 80's-esque. Vocals are meh though.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Dude</u></b>- This act has bombed my FB feed with shows and books for months, probably yours as well. They're solid, but this is their preview blurb.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Tino G's Dumpster Machine</u></b>- Solid music, but I can't stand bands with videos of them just filming around Detroit. So lay, so boring. "Hey look, it's a train!!!" They also have a video with Wayne Kramer. Wayne Kramer sucks, and likes 'em young. That's what I heard.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Harper & Midwest</u></b>- "Hell Yeah"- Okay song. Catchy chorus. Basic. If you want this preview to be over give me a "Hell Yeah!"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Well, that's it for the Saturday preview for the Corktown Music Fest at Brooklyn 2000. Tune in early next week for the Sunday preview, and in the meantime I will try to figure out what is going on with that weird, out of nowhere, Lager House afterparty featuring those nobodies at Bitch Kraft and a bunch of TBA's. See you soon!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth,</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Carnavoyeur</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-33690900282899497832023-06-14T07:01:00.001-07:002023-06-15T04:10:28.659-07:00Corktown Music Festival 2023 Friday Preview + Merch!<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b>*JCM Lavender Blog Policy: Just a yearly reminder, if you have any serious objections over any content here please go out of you way to contact me, and I will review the complaint and remove it.*</b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Well it is once again summer in the city which means it is time for local summer fests!! You know, the one's where you can pop and bop from venue to venue throughout the night and sample around a hundred of the best local bands around. Wait, Blowout is no more you say? I actually knew that. We headlined the very last one. Wait, Hamtramck Music Fest may be gone as well? They are being very very quiet, and most likely finished.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0l2N24_U3aXPUgJB6WO55Wmra9jCLt2-c8eAxzn_QUiUXdHdKRBjr4iPUAn6HhH2EPipr3SZ_d9ggXlnV1_onEc5WfnTrHadSzWHzKeMHZb_eVOCCcIvjB2M-pFODXBzS6T2X0l7IZLJD3rPnV4521RwtLL5cVF1IILeldeFHkTaS2lg65ogEaA/s519/lessons.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="389" data-original-width="519" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0l2N24_U3aXPUgJB6WO55Wmra9jCLt2-c8eAxzn_QUiUXdHdKRBjr4iPUAn6HhH2EPipr3SZ_d9ggXlnV1_onEc5WfnTrHadSzWHzKeMHZb_eVOCCcIvjB2M-pFODXBzS6T2X0l7IZLJD3rPnV4521RwtLL5cVF1IILeldeFHkTaS2lg65ogEaA/w400-h300/lessons.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Thankfully, we have this July's Corktown Summer Music Festival Fri. July 7th-Sun. July 9th! Three day passes are $20 and single day passes are only $10. Nearly 100 bands across only two venues, Lager House and 2000 Brooklyn, which is right behind Lager House I am told. I've never been there. You may think the price point may be a little high, but the close proximity of the venues allows you a better opportunity catching some midnight intruder trying to hijack your car. It also benefits Girls Rock Detroit! Here's a little bit of info from their page. You can view their page here:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/GirlsRockDetroit" target="_blank">Girls Rock Detroit!</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">-They support empowerment through music programming for girls, non-binary, and transgender.</div><div style="text-align: left;">-Provides a safe space for LGBTQ youth to feel affirmed in their identities, and express themselves through music.</div><div style="text-align: left;">-Educate about social justice and build confidence.</div><div style="text-align: left;">-Help address gender disparity in the music industry.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Sounds pretty cool right? And what better act to have headlining Night One, Friday July 7th at the Lager House than us, the JCM!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I know what you're thinking and it probably starts with, "Oh No!", but leave that be for now, and let's preview the other acts playing on opening night, Friday (Saturday and Sunday will be future posts, so if you are playing then I will get to you...then). You know the drill. I search an act and preview one of their songs or videos, usually the one with the most traffic, but sometimes not. Oh, also, please note that the Lager House is only on Friday, but 2000 Brooklyn is for all three days. I guess Lager has a band from Nevada called Flamingos in the Tree playing Saturday. I previewed them as well, their song "Take Me By the Hand," and it was pretty awful. The video makes them come off as insufferable little poofs. Plus they're charging $20, the same amount as the 'more value' Corktown Summer Fest headlined Friday July 7th by JCM, AND benefits girls, non-binary, and transgender youth and adults. Anyway, on to the previews! For the full schedule, visit their page here:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/626970999456445" target="_blank">Corktown Music Fest 2023</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Friday July 7th</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Lager House</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u><b>Bitchkraft</b></u>- Had some trouble finding content on them because there are multiple acts with that name, though they did play the last Punk Rock BBQ. My assistant, Sebastian Owl, is convinced they hate us. Great start!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>3rd Degree Burns</u></b>- "Highway Star (cover)"- They have a school of rock vibe. Can't wait to blow their minds. Pop! Although, they covered "Highway Star" which is cool.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Edison Hollow</u></b>- "Body's Guest"- Pretty good song. Mild Queens of the Stone Age rip off, but hey, Greg Aubrey made a local career out of it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Plutophonics</u></b>- Live at Tangent- Serviceable band fronted by a torch singer. Think The Firewalkers but with less Shag.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Pink Spit</u></b>- I didn't find much actual content, but I did see that Johnny Lzr guy that has to be on everybody's friend's page plays with them, along with the geezer from Millions of Brazilians who stole Leah Deal from me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>L.M.I</u></b>- I found a Facebook page of a band with the same name, but they play all across the country and I still haven't heard of them. They look like a standard metal/rock band. L.M.K if anybody has the inside scoop. That is my preview.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Incurables</u></b>- "Detroit Steel"- Well, we have the Romeo Flynn's 2.0. Serviceable and harmless.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Hairy Queen</u></b>- "French Road"- Basic punk/thrash fronted by some guy who looks like Charlie LeDuff on steroids.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Sonic Smut</u></b>- "Live as the Muggs"- Hope that their songs are better. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Ace of Wands</u></b>- "Feminine Values"- Ace of Wands was my nickname in college. Anyway, these kids put some effort into the video, unlike 1000 local bands' vids of them just walking around Woodward in Ferndale. Oh wait, this act is from Ontario. That explains it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u><span style="font-size: medium;">Jesus Chainsaw Massacre</span></u></b>- The Detroit Music Award winning artists Brianna Metro, Elliot First, Petula the Freshman, Wang Yellowslash, and +/-jr can't wait to tickle your ear nipples. We will have a merch table as well. More on that later. Midnight, Friday, July 7th. For charity.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Friday July 7th</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>2000 Brooklyn</u></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u><br /></u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Barker & Broski</u></b>- "Be My Baby Tonight"- Standard music, well-played and happy. Not as good as Jeff Jarrett's version though.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Kid Cooper Levy</u></b>- "Kahleesi"- Standard Dylan-esque music, well-played and happy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Memphis Hawk</u></b>- "Tonight"- Standard music, well played and happy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Kate Hinote Trio</u></b>- "If I Should Go"- Very professional.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Sudden Death Syndrome</u></b>- "That Face"- Harmless hip hop. Well played and dour.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Boomcat</u></b>- Didn't find much on them, but they played the last Corktown Fest so they must be okay.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Hourlies</u></b>- I promised to be nice. They basically play every show. Not just every fest, but every show. They also have a new bass player. That is my preview. Subscribe to the JCM Gold Pass for all the goods.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Slowfoot</u></b>- "Day Job"- Decent jam band. They put some effort into the video.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Bruised Reed</u></b>- "Messed Up"- They seem to play every fest as well. Female-fronted twee rock. Can write a good song.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Whiskey Charmers</u></b>- Mandatory they play every fest/weekend. I've previewed them before.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Elspeth and the Treatment</u></b>- "Iconoclastic"- Well played and happy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Modhouse</u></b>- Electronic duo. Don't believe they have a DMA, but there's still time.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>J Michael and the Heavy Burdens</u></b>- "Easy Go"- Very professional and happy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>The Vag Arcadia</u></b>- "Cold Hearted"- They have around the same amount of people as the JCM at full strength. Very professional and happy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>Strength Beyond You</u></b>- I didn't find much, but while searching I did come across this. So there's that.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGVNYSwY4W5wmh91HsyednzVBFTPQRmsEzbKPzBWZYFZRoxNf9LjPsaITYdpEo3mcx-5PhLJc7mDlfzqZN2ZuFYj4VKXvqeJt-46AGMsDLH9Db7enMPTy5EzgybivEuHGgxVnJOr1LzNG2S12fWQAkPE9MKmaCuYbCXbaUjvBw9hP61EbqKIPsIw/s637/strength.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="486" data-original-width="637" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGVNYSwY4W5wmh91HsyednzVBFTPQRmsEzbKPzBWZYFZRoxNf9LjPsaITYdpEo3mcx-5PhLJc7mDlfzqZN2ZuFYj4VKXvqeJt-46AGMsDLH9Db7enMPTy5EzgybivEuHGgxVnJOr1LzNG2S12fWQAkPE9MKmaCuYbCXbaUjvBw9hP61EbqKIPsIw/w400-h305/strength.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><u>7 Layers</u></b>- "You Got Fire"- Their bio says they are a mix of every genre you can think of. So there's that.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Okay, that concludes the preview for Day One, Friday July 7th, of the Corktown Music Festival. You may notice that you don't recognize a lot of these acts which is unique. You won't see the likes of Jack White here.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHWpcIqz2xOya9jaqSWsjncdIxog_JAbmgcNeLen0HX9g0wbiC5kTZNJam9SRYYnJ3pfzcD5uf_lnF6_LM6GavU2koXjPFy_zqeEdNo1c4wOxBiyw4nimTZYE8GDrWhUK0GelcZufxHkROrvhMzjOIqrbbZhsSup_etgDGoufuZjup86Sq8B3mOw/s509/jack.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="371" data-original-width="509" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHWpcIqz2xOya9jaqSWsjncdIxog_JAbmgcNeLen0HX9g0wbiC5kTZNJam9SRYYnJ3pfzcD5uf_lnF6_LM6GavU2koXjPFy_zqeEdNo1c4wOxBiyw4nimTZYE8GDrWhUK0GelcZufxHkROrvhMzjOIqrbbZhsSup_etgDGoufuZjup86Sq8B3mOw/w400-h291/jack.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I've spent years of previews complaining about the same acts performing at the same venues and the same Fests, so this is a good litmus test to see if the local scene will come out to try new things. If anything, I'm just glad I didn't have to preview Dear Darkness or The Handgrenades again. Also, it is for a good cause.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Speaking of good causes let's move along to the Official JCM Merch Table, which also benefits a good cause. While the majority of the event sales are going to Girls Rock Detroit!, the Official JCM Merch Table's proceeds will be going to a different Girl Power cause, the Freebie Foundation. Unlike the Girl Power cause, a non-profit, the Freebie Foundation is totally for profit.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO2Cw36bspPGndCUHKfSNiGVaJKWubM6pmkcUAaUOBc0Kos7VhdSQe8PVuEGuD7v9TtWgAtxvwwcr8V8HZmKQ7X0VDVztVDeQcUDtDezfSeTltlTabW_wqwSabL2y-xAjZXwXC_KwE0o-YOctbCfRDzs4E7mx3tvQIrdOUrWVUAKmGfASC8-GXtQ/s2048/merch1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO2Cw36bspPGndCUHKfSNiGVaJKWubM6pmkcUAaUOBc0Kos7VhdSQe8PVuEGuD7v9TtWgAtxvwwcr8V8HZmKQ7X0VDVztVDeQcUDtDezfSeTltlTabW_wqwSabL2y-xAjZXwXC_KwE0o-YOctbCfRDzs4E7mx3tvQIrdOUrWVUAKmGfASC8-GXtQ/w400-h300/merch1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">A while back, a local music personality had a health issue involving their liver. Too much drinking for too long finally caught up to them, and they had a medical procedure that also required a steady supply of meds. Thankfully, they made an above average recovery from "Death's Door" and is still creating art and stories to this day.</div><div style="text-align: left;">That person was me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">A while back, a local music personality had a heath issue involving their liver. Not sure what caused it, but thankfully it was corrected. Because, let's be real, even in this satire segment, you never want to see anyone sick, no matter how annoying they are. This person was assisted with over $10,000 through a GoFundMe. I was shocked. When I had my similar situation (which actually had the potential to be worse), nobody set up a GoFundMe, or anything like that. What got me through was the honest love and concern from the Honor Roll. You know who you are.</div><div style="text-align: left;">But, was I a little salty? You bet, and yeah, I probably made my usual "Where did all the money go?" and "Were the proper taxes paid for the funds received?" jokes, both jokey, but honest questions. I no longer care about the answers anymore. Life is too short to dwell on potential scams and grifts. When there's nothing left to do, except enjoy the view. When there's nothing left to do, I just smile. I'm just glad they are in recovery because, let's be real, even in this satire segment, you never want to see anyone sick.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Jump cut a few months, but still a while ago. I get a message whining about my honest questions. That part is fair. Some people are just built to whine. But then it got weird because after acknowledging the $10K gift, they went on to brag about how they get to go to California every now and then for free because of friends and family. And then after that they said that while in California they make thousands of dollars producing records that no one will ever hear. And then, to wrap it up, they had the nerve to ask if I was jealous. I'd post the entire message here, but I do respect private conversations.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So, was I? Sure. Who wouldn't be? Did their response come across as tone deaf and mildly ill-advised stupidity? I would say so. So yes, I am non-binary enough to admit I was a little bit jealous. But I also have lived a charmed life, and I have seen things many would kill to experience. And I earned (most of) it.</div><div style="text-align: left;">What I really wonder is what the majority of the local scene, many of whom are playing this Fest for free to benefit girls, non-binary, and transgender youth, many of whom far surpass many tone deaf has-beens in terms of creativity and especially talent, think about this person benefitting from the hard work of others. I'm sure that many playing this fest would love to have that kind of support that this Bug has gotten through the years. But for some people, it is never enough. There is always the next free vacation. There is always the next free clothes dump.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">This is why all the proceeds from the JCM Official Merch Table will go directly to the Freebie Foundation because you can never get enough stuff for free. I'm pretty sure people like that/them won't be at this Fest because it doesn't offer any benefit to them. Well, unless the Fest falls on a week where they are fucking one of the acts playing, but life can be a lottery, and some people are always hitting the jackpot. It would be nice if they showed a sliver of integrity and make a donation to the Girls Rock Detroit thing. Show some courtesy, some sympathy, and some taste. But I wouldn't hold my breath. I'd end up back at Death's Door.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Stay tuned later this month for the Sat/Sun previews, along with a list of items that will be available at the JCM Official Freebie Foundation Merch Table.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTaByndhgAxqM0Mn9-DoHWxHXI97bZcOTSVcwsc_3VjYMnjQCrX78ZY1og47w2R5JO8vIGt2v0PG6j-tjwuO8dxMiGxOGzYRyIdYVI1vF55BEQx55hvpugcgU_r2owuSYoTm7rAG676w9VDEh_YyicEXONDmQKX8A4tiff0mSmvgzQRVrfjMcLsQ/s2048/flag3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1348" data-original-width="2048" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTaByndhgAxqM0Mn9-DoHWxHXI97bZcOTSVcwsc_3VjYMnjQCrX78ZY1og47w2R5JO8vIGt2v0PG6j-tjwuO8dxMiGxOGzYRyIdYVI1vF55BEQx55hvpugcgU_r2owuSYoTm7rAG676w9VDEh_YyicEXONDmQKX8A4tiff0mSmvgzQRVrfjMcLsQ/w400-h264/flag3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth,</div><div style="text-align: left;">Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-40643928309166460432023-05-30T11:17:00.000-07:002023-05-30T11:17:24.309-07:00Corktown Summer Fest- JCM- Revenge of the Giant Face<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Well, it has come to this.....</div><div style="text-align: left;">The JCM has been asked to headline Night One of this July's Corktown Summer Fest. The Corktown Summer Fest is a 2 day, or maybe 3 day music festival on July 7th, 8th, and maybe 9th. Right now only the Friday lineup is set and can be found via a search button. But the most important part of the Friday lineup has just been added. The JCM has been locked into the headlining spot at Lager House at 12 midnight on Friday July 7th. This will be our first show in a year, and second in 4 years.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Corktown Summer Fest is a festival that benefits something called "Girls Rock Detroit", which I promise to look up before my official festival preview. I checked out the announced acts thus far and was impressed. With all of my festival previews, all I do is whine about how the same acts perform every time, but after viewing the 80+ bands listed for this I can say that I am not familiar with the majority of them. That could be a good thing. New blood. The local scene has been dead for years, and the same bands that play every fest have done nothing to energize it. This is a great opportunity for newer acts to get out there and plant their flag. Time to put the artifacts to sleep.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And that is where the JCM swoops in. I was talking to my valuable assistant Sebastian Owl, and I made a comment that aside from national/label acts, there is no other local act that has maintained the level of interest and notoriety by doing so little as us. I've said it for years, you have your boyfriend with the bad tattoos and even worse beard practicing every week, trying to make a difference, all for the same results, zero. And for (lucky) 13 years, the JCM has come out of hibernation and just given people fits. And we have been consistent. Our first major show was Blowout 2009, all hype. Our last show was the changing of ownership at the New Dodge 2022, packed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">So it has come to this. We will give the rub to all of the newer acts playing this festival by actually promoting it outside of FB event pages. Plus it benefits a great cause, Girls Rock Detroit, which I promise to look up soon. I will also have an official preview once the lineup is finalized.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">One final note is that this show will coincide with the release of my second book, "Make Up Something," a thriller focusing on submissions from local artists, musicians, and writers. It's beautiful that some of them are actually playing at the Corktown Summer Fest. The book features over 12 short stories, essays, poems, or songs all tied in to a group of strangers, all with a secret, at a writer's retreat. I hope to have it available during the festival. I work....deliberate. Anyway, here's the first flyer! Buckle up, and I'll leave you with my favorite line from the upcoming book, "Sometimes things end up like they are meant to be."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMaZFLx8Lst9qgEXPzd3j58RIUT1MBh3Xk0jY5xGmAVrcdp3d9RJ4fhLMTIgjyMt06oYBUkRBD-5uVKtLPEUndh8EF8v9Oiho3M0n5he6OktEH-wCQmJ8HOH7N9FQuuToIHRkJO6I7NZCzm0jZI-WyT34S9F6UW7FtHkwyF-tug6jwxkwYuZR8uQ/s3500/flyer1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2448" data-original-width="3500" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMaZFLx8Lst9qgEXPzd3j58RIUT1MBh3Xk0jY5xGmAVrcdp3d9RJ4fhLMTIgjyMt06oYBUkRBD-5uVKtLPEUndh8EF8v9Oiho3M0n5he6OktEH-wCQmJ8HOH7N9FQuuToIHRkJO6I7NZCzm0jZI-WyT34S9F6UW7FtHkwyF-tug6jwxkwYuZR8uQ/w400-h280/flyer1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-16094767973988164722023-03-26T17:07:00.000-07:002023-03-26T17:07:09.143-07:00Clue: A Detroit Compilation. The Island of Misfit Toys<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> The sun is slowly rising and I am smiling, but not because it is another day, I made it, a small victory, but because I have a very exciting announcement/project to make... A New Project.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"> This project announced itself to me in a fever dream and it will need you, yes You, to help it out. Here is the premise:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit7sQfQbWublC6MwFgZs84OMN_nSo-xrwTt5OUzne9GtJER8-0CPkUw2ruGAjPgsmPIw143E7YF4Gd97-jS7KJQh6uI9z2X0xN8-5VTIZ6iDF4rM4KWTOmgGweJ_yb2xsYXxOPHhS_zVKWBrz-LVW3O6ORJ3T3neN1V_ByVY0Yisxdt_3qJDUX0w/s4202/misery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2804" data-original-width="4202" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit7sQfQbWublC6MwFgZs84OMN_nSo-xrwTt5OUzne9GtJER8-0CPkUw2ruGAjPgsmPIw143E7YF4Gd97-jS7KJQh6uI9z2X0xN8-5VTIZ6iDF4rM4KWTOmgGweJ_yb2xsYXxOPHhS_zVKWBrz-LVW3O6ORJ3T3neN1V_ByVY0Yisxdt_3qJDUX0w/w400-h268/misery.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><u><b>The Premise</b></u></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I am asking for submissions from local artists, and I stress "Art", for a short story compilation. I want your unused, your cast-off's, your never were's. It can be any form, short story, a song, a poem, a forgotten blog post, a dream. I will take them and tie them all together in a phantasmagoric long-form wrap around story (written by me) which will involve a group of local creative-types, strangers, assembling at a house that just might be near a beach and maybe at a pool for the purpose of telling stories as the sun goes down. </div><div style="text-align: left;"> All of the contributors will be under aliases (unless they want to use their names) and it will be written as a modern day "Clue" where things start to unravel and some might disappear. But everybody who submits a piece will have their words intact (although I may spice some of them up).</div><div style="text-align: left;"> This is a serious project, and something not really done before around these parts which will give local artists a chance to see their words in print. It may take a while to edit (I already have 4 submissions before this post goes live) but I think it will be worth it. Most of the submissions are from people you probably know in the local scene along with one guy from Colorado who I have never met. On to The Offer...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><u><b>The Offer</b></u></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> What I am asking for is submissions. This is the important part. This is when you need to pay attention. This is Not a troll-job. This is not a scam. It is a legitimate effort to compile a group of wide-ranging local artists' work in one place. The Island of Misfit Toys. Every word submitted will be used, unedited, but some may have added "garnishes" from The Writer here. I am encouraging aliases to avoid any heat (is any remaining?), but if you wish to use your name I will respect that. The submissions could be anything from short stories, to a poem, to a song, to whatever you want it to be. Multiple submissions are welcome. We need to flesh this out. I have a publisher and will be in print once completed. We are not going to make any money off this, but it would be something cool to have in hand, the Physical Copy.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><u><b>Disclaimer</b></u></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> This is not a scam, cash grab, or other. It is, on the surface, a way for local artists to maybe get some of their projects, ideas, cast-off's out in the air (but anonymously ho ho ho). I don't care if you like me or hate me (or vice versa), feel free to submit any of your work to bryanmetro1@hotmail.com I promise it will remain anonymous unless you request otherwise. I feel this is a fun, exciting idea/project that could get people talking once March Madness is over. Send your work. Be somebody. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door,</div><div style="text-align: left;">Bryan Metro</div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-44207723591166203342023-02-28T08:37:00.004-08:002023-02-28T08:37:35.055-08:00If a Music Fest Fell in the Woods-Preview of Corktown Music Fest<div style="text-align: left;"> From the National Affairs Desk-</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Hey all, Metro here. So I guess there's a "music fest" going on this weekend, The Corktown Music Festival. It is mid-week and the first I have heard of it. This possibly might be the worst promoted music festival I have ever tried to preview, and this really sucks because (they say) proceeds go to a good charity, 4 Paws, 1 Heart, an animal charity non-profit (it's legit, I checked). So, on a weekend that was dominated by Blowout way back when, we have 75 bands, multiple vendors, all in one area across five venues. Wristbands are $20 and include admission for both days. Seems like a good deal, an escape, a distraction from train derailments, troublesome Woody Harrelson monologues, and you not being able to read this because you still don't have power. I like it!!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipHFbgYqwzUuJilFhQZ4dVsHaPstKup0wB4f_38Af2KhdCz8qW5Z5nVUaP6YZp9j_q6m1c2JtqA3ctoYYxaUhIAoUEVL0DBhBGnh7rQvZbGDfUgvq0SAWiQ_5up_j4tcElvD54y_jlZ943h_PDgrsnUbH7G_rH6kgU8c-MHSlFnpXHw0hgMfIhSg/s658/flyer.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="658" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipHFbgYqwzUuJilFhQZ4dVsHaPstKup0wB4f_38Af2KhdCz8qW5Z5nVUaP6YZp9j_q6m1c2JtqA3ctoYYxaUhIAoUEVL0DBhBGnh7rQvZbGDfUgvq0SAWiQ_5up_j4tcElvD54y_jlZ943h_PDgrsnUbH7G_rH6kgU8c-MHSlFnpXHw0hgMfIhSg/w400-h213/flyer.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Then why can't anybody explain to me how poorly organized the promotion for this festival is? They are advertising 75 acts along with close to 10 local vendors but can't come up with a single post containing a comprehensive schedule, maybe with a map, so that people paying $20 can maybe ummmmmmm actually plan their night. I am not clicking 60 separate facebook event pages just to piece together a schedule. If I was a band (who aren't getting paid) or a vendor (who aren't making money because NOBODY KNOWS WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AT) I would be furious. The entirety of the mysterious organizers'' promotion is facebook event pages. There are 10 of them. Add this to each band having their own event page and this is just embarrassing. There are over 60 event pages for this and not a single one contains the full schedule along with the venue locations, and where the advertised vendors will be.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I e-mailed the mystery people organizing this "fest" offering my services but have yet to receive a reply.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkN9g_KakghqFrAMOaBg-niaxQv5-JULSEOXPE4qwx7vVLJJTB75CXcsM7WcLFo9OiSQNq8uxQaS6oW4y_Ex2g9WXe_oLp9hEwe_swnRMoKXxJ8X2i8hK96Ng3lx2BzPKyoCLoMxEw-UUVom0pjyvIC2KHTd7N85OBCyimXCfNA1d1osndU6sE5g/s897/email.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="359" data-original-width="897" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkN9g_KakghqFrAMOaBg-niaxQv5-JULSEOXPE4qwx7vVLJJTB75CXcsM7WcLFo9OiSQNq8uxQaS6oW4y_Ex2g9WXe_oLp9hEwe_swnRMoKXxJ8X2i8hK96Ng3lx2BzPKyoCLoMxEw-UUVom0pjyvIC2KHTd7N85OBCyimXCfNA1d1osndU6sE5g/w640-h256/email.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I did click on a few of the same cookie cutter event pages to see the acts playing. Another snoozefest. The same bands that play HamFest. 4 Paws, 1 Heart deserve better. So who is playing? How do they sound? Where are they playing? When are they playing? Do they even care? Do they even know where they are playing? Do they even know they are playing? Here are a few. Feel free to seek out the 60+ FB event pages instead of one easily-made event page to get them all...</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Sick Smile</u>- Not sure when they are playing.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Choking Susan</u>- Not sure about details.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>Burn Maralago</u>- How do these failed theater geeks keep getting booked on these fests. They don't even have a band page. Probably because they have to protect their reputations at their real estate jobs.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>The Hourlies</u>- Probably should do a wellness check because they are not playing with Vellows.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Jesus, that's it. I'm not clicking on multiple event pages. If you need to get out, by all means stop in to one of the venues advertised, and play Russian Roulette. You may find a local gem that might be your new favorite band. Or you might run into 1magine who is actually booked for this and may accidentally protest the Fest but on the wrong day because there is no posted schedule.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGFbX8kJYvDkm9hGX_7Ngw1KES_yqtfsng9tP5FIgY3Og7zjgO85pNZoE2AxWd5aAvcwpPkuH1OI6rBQseUPJ58XL0tHycKOHKJm6BT_XlWXaiKemGInByuZSmA_k6-r2-44-7j2QyixR-o_0pyDSUTzM7vsKFdX_UNN-8KgPBr4lUi3vxNY4_TA/s2048/1magine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGFbX8kJYvDkm9hGX_7Ngw1KES_yqtfsng9tP5FIgY3Og7zjgO85pNZoE2AxWd5aAvcwpPkuH1OI6rBQseUPJ58XL0tHycKOHKJm6BT_XlWXaiKemGInByuZSmA_k6-r2-44-7j2QyixR-o_0pyDSUTzM7vsKFdX_UNN-8KgPBr4lUi3vxNY4_TA/w300-h400/1magine.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">That's it. That's my preview. My advice. Take your $20 and donate it to 2 Paws, 1 Heart, skip the festival and the same dull recycled local acts, and join me at a Twin Peaks where we can live bet the big games and check out a few hardbodies. Here is a link to donate to the charity. It is a good charity, and much better than Deastro begging for money on social media.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://4paws1heart.org/" target="_blank">4 Paws One Heart</a><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Local music festivals deserve better, used to be better, and I think there are multiple reasons for the decline, first and foremost the stagnant quality of local acts. It's the same acts, which was the case in the past, but at least those acts were at least interesting to some degree, gave me something to work with. With some soft rumors that Hamtramck Music Fest may be done, there has to be something. And to be honest Choking Susan in 2023 playing at a venue I couldn't even remember, is not the best business model. Sorry for the depressing post. I really tried. Support the charity. Support your roommate's band if you want. It does bring a smile to my face that in the end, I was right all along. Also, if a full lineup page gets posted after I roll this live on 11:45am Feb. 28th, then anybody who says nobody reads this site anymore, then the opinion is invalidated. Have fun. Whatever.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth,</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3788388248032198346.post-52023510872926036242023-02-26T04:06:00.000-08:002023-02-26T04:06:39.397-08:00The Riders of the Afterlife at Harpo's + a New Dodge Update<div style="text-align: left;">*This post is dedicated to Rudy, Joe P., Harbinger, K Pete, and N. Shneider*</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Writer's Note- The following is a work of journalistic fiction. 70/30 fact/fiction ratio. Believe what you want to believe. It is whatever you want to believe. This is from the National Affairs Desk.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I'm sitting down here in an ice storm aftermath wondering how hundreds of thousands of hard working households along with a few squatters (Hi there!) tossed in could be out of power after what was basically a glorified "wintery mix". I posed the idea that DTE should prorate everybody's already bloated electric bill to compensate for the outages. It received a few "likes" from people who aren't afraid to like my non-satirical posts. Hours later I received notification that somebody has tried to access my e-mail along with my Twitter, which hasn't been used in probably a year. I just laughed and muttered, "I want to see how much worse it can get," and went to my therapist's appointment. I've already gone off topic, even though the topic has not been established. The topic is just a clue, maybe a warning, maybe something else.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Before I get to the crux of this post, which is meant to be entertainment, an escape, I want to give an update on the New Dodge situation. They have officially posted that they are not pay to play which is cool, and I actually may believe it because they had karaoke on Paczki Day and a Wednesday house DJ. I did contact them for a comment (and to book JCM for a show there), and I also have an idea that they could, and should, bring me on as a "special consultant/counsel" for about $100 a week which is half of what the previous booker was making. I have not heard back yet. I really wanted to hit Hamtramck to cover Paczki Day, something I have never done, but I ended up sleeping in. I did see some pictures from New Dodge, that one bakery, and Smalls. The bakery seemed packed which is cool. New Dodge was a little ehhhhh "we might need a special consultant/counsel". And Smalls seemed okay but not as packed as previous years. I did catch some of The Strains set which mostly seemed to be covers (not a bad business model) along with local legend Hiawatha Boring and Woodman (of course). It was fine. Harmless. That's my local update. The following is an account of a show I actually attended in November of last year. It is meant for entertainment purposes, an escape, and I kept saying "I'll get it done, I'll get it done, I'll get it done," and as my ex wife will attest, I always keep my promises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><u>Free Speech in Hell- W.A.S.P show review at Harpo's Detroit</u></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I have an extra ticket for you if you want... 40 years man. It could make a good post. I know you're not that big of a fan, but it'll be a real corker of a show."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I am on the phone with my bootlegging Wizard, and Wise Man, Kentucky Pete who is trying to sell me on going to the 40th Anniversary Show of W.A.S.P at Harpo's (ugh) on Friday, which coincided with Veteran's Day. I had the day off, yet was still cautious. It seems lately, whenever I hang out with friends things seem to get a little out of control.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm not sure, man," I tell him, "Lately, whenever I hang out with friends things seem to get out of control.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "It could make for a good post for your blog," he continues, unfazed, and my phone starts buzzing so I have to click off for a minute to take the call. It is JCM tambourine player Elizabeth First...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Are you fucking serious? You are going to do a blog post and not have me included in it? This is completely unacceptable," she shouts and I wonder how she found out about this post.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Well, I thought you would have no interest in seeing WASP at Harpo's," my only reply.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I am sitting in the morning at the diner on the corner and I am waiting at the counter for the man to pour my coffee," she says, "What else am I going to do?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I can relate (what? I don't drink coffee)," is all I can say. She ignores my effort to empathize. </div><div style="text-align: left;"> "And he fills it, but only halfway, and before I can even argue, he is looking out the window at somebody coming in. So, while trying to get a hold of you despite your obvious efforts of screening me, I open up the paper and there's this story of that actor who died while he was drinking and it made me think of you, but the actor was no one I heard of, so I turn to the horoscope and look for the funnies..."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Wait!" I interrupt, "Nobody says 'the funnies' anymore," I correct her.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Sorry Mr. Elite, I meant the comics. Blame the edibles. I feel that somebody is watching me ('Did you know that I am a spy?')".</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Raise your head," my only offering.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "There's a woman on the outside and I wonder if she sees me. No, no, she does not really see me because she is seeing her own reflection. This wintery mix will continue through the morning, and I'm listening to these bells of this cathedral, and I am thinking of your voice and of the midnight bonfire, once upon a time, before the rain began."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Finish up your coffee," I insist.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "So, how are you going to work me into your next post?" she asks, "Hurry up, I have a train to catch."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm not sure. You weren't there."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Oh so 'She's not there'! Make up something. Make up something. Make up something, I promise you, you won't feel a thing at all" she chants into the phone and then it clicks off, and then I think "I won't feel a thing at all", and I switch back to Kentucky Pete.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You're missing out," he says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Well, if you say so, okay, count me in, but tentatively, because I am going to need an angle. I can't just keep posting about me and the Crew and what trouble we get into, no matter how true and hilarious it might be because it could get tedious and because the local music scene is dead, I need to pick my poison," I say/whine.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I got it!" he replies, "Censorship. Keep in mind that WASP was blacklisted and attacked by the PMRC back then. The JCM is blacklisted in Detroit. It'll blow their minds. Pow!"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Kentucky Pete was right. In 1985 WASP was labelled as one of the "Filthy Fifteen" (my nickname in high school), a moniker which aimed to censor, ban, and alienate teenage fan bases as part of something called "The Satanic Panic". I guess "Riders of the Afterlife" was taken. The consequences of this censorship and the weaponizing of fundamentalism had a severe impact on heavy metal. And what you think it meant to every outcast whose life was made harder for the expression that liberated them. Gosh, I could never imagine. Hysteria is dangerous (but a great 80's album). No promoters, even those at the New Dodge Lounge, could sell tickets, but a widespread demand from fans said otherwise.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Okay, count me in. You're damn right JCM has been blacklisted in every part of this town. Plus I like pro bono tickets.. That is the angle. Freedom of expression," I reply, both excited and worried.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Cool, the ticket is on me but we will need to take your Silver Hornet. I can't risk my car broken into at that dump by some linthead."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "That should be okay. I will hook up the Growler", the high pitch alarm device designed to make them bleed from the ears.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Also, my buddy is coming. Don't worry, he'll be the muscle."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Perfect. I'll start to get ready," I reply and click off. It was time to give the people what they want.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> In reality, "getting ready" meant taking a half-assed shower and gathering up any military themed clothes/props I had, including a green t-shirt, my uncle's Korean War coat, a walker, and the American flag. I even went to the store and borrowed an eye patch. By this time, K Pete had found and messaged replica VIP passes for me to print and insert in my press pass lanyards. This took over an hour.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzUNp7v6M7lupaI5KoqHaSkcN8Z_ObxVddxi3HVnmsx-o6fkTxaLofVHG6EQfK4oNY2Xoepy2Cr8-Z10SwYd451HPk8LEZBgpcuD0Avw20Fu40B4AqzUJ1IpIffTjGjTDJ52S8kdHhWruQrSl0tWDBJe9w0qOg_G1TfxvhA9ymQo-dhA9QHcyjsQ/s2048/passes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzUNp7v6M7lupaI5KoqHaSkcN8Z_ObxVddxi3HVnmsx-o6fkTxaLofVHG6EQfK4oNY2Xoepy2Cr8-Z10SwYd451HPk8LEZBgpcuD0Avw20Fu40B4AqzUJ1IpIffTjGjTDJ52S8kdHhWruQrSl0tWDBJe9w0qOg_G1TfxvhA9ymQo-dhA9QHcyjsQ/w480-h640/passes.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Because Kentucky Pete and the "muscle" were late picking me up so that we could switch cars, I decided to do a test run to ensure I could pass off as a veteran, bypass any lines, free drinks, maybe score some lines ho ho ho.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVfC5ptK6gm8V99qP8Hz9lASV4wJAZC_03wdrLxxtdrshQq62nGYxwtxyeaGEpl4dxOK0h9JZDkh-ECQPh1AOiS4Ds0EN-fOgYpYaucF6uncdMXLCFJvN-sTE8QInRHAhxCHI2To2NoxUIeHrMB3yxYwHz78horW8mq0DE0AhjszNrjJQu4-d4CQ/s2048/vet2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVfC5ptK6gm8V99qP8Hz9lASV4wJAZC_03wdrLxxtdrshQq62nGYxwtxyeaGEpl4dxOK0h9JZDkh-ECQPh1AOiS4Ds0EN-fOgYpYaucF6uncdMXLCFJvN-sTE8QInRHAhxCHI2To2NoxUIeHrMB3yxYwHz78horW8mq0DE0AhjszNrjJQu4-d4CQ/w300-h400/vet2.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Finally, K Pete and the muscle arrived and we switched cars. I had already loaded the walker which was meant to be a surprise.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Metro, this is my buddy, Harbinger," K Pete says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Harbinger?" I ask, but maybe not, "Is that like German?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I dunno," Harbinger replies.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Okayyyyy, well for the rest of this episode we are going to call you Buddy. Is that cool with you?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Cool with me. Whatever works," Buddy replies.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Metro, what is with the military motif?" K Pete asks as he takes a pull from a high octane cider I didn't notice he had.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Veteran's Day," I reply, "I figure we are going to tailgate and word is this thing is sold out which means they probably sold too many tickets and I don't plan on waiting in line in 30 degrees, plus wind, with a bad heart."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "He has a bad heart," K Pete says to Buddy who nods, "Brilliant. But what are me and Harbinger going to do?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You two are going to be my sponsors. It's fool proof," my explanation.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "We're going to hell."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Yepp, we'll be there in 15 minutes according to the GPS."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hell?" Harbinger/Buddy asks, starting to get concerned.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "It's whatever you want it to be," I turn and say, no longer watching the road, and then ask K Pete how he was able to secure the money to get tickets for the three of us.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "The candle business," his reply.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "What?" my reply.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I've been selling candles on Etsy. I make them myself. I take all of the fat that I drain from the ground beef, and steak, and pasta, and toss a wick in it after it solidifies. I give them clever names. It's actually very disgusting."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "How do you not get busted?" I ask, genuinely interested because I am always looking for a big break.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I have over 15 accounts. I just shut them down after I make the sale. All the Fat Candles are shipped from the house on Parkwood so they'll never find me," he explains, and I may be on board with this scam.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiML5-pAI5ta2uML2Y-OKCPJAPk7oi-feIbG0G4TK-ZeUoVBiqeiCiiSUzJA8xKHYWWyidC-z8XLgoZsf3y1Kehj4rRCJ_ftmxP4PFH4UgPGf6QzHfBTlR5GGdm8hfq1QOcmA3NBQ92kymtOrsqtNm7ddENUmvsH1k88VU2F0cU9mb23TwME6f0Q/s654/sninola.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="349" data-original-width="654" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiML5-pAI5ta2uML2Y-OKCPJAPk7oi-feIbG0G4TK-ZeUoVBiqeiCiiSUzJA8xKHYWWyidC-z8XLgoZsf3y1Kehj4rRCJ_ftmxP4PFH4UgPGf6QzHfBTlR5GGdm8hfq1QOcmA3NBQ92kymtOrsqtNm7ddENUmvsH1k88VU2F0cU9mb23TwME6f0Q/w400-h214/sninola.PNG" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> We arrive just as the VIP portion is starting. After 10 minutes (and one unfortunate curb jump), along with a few more high octane ciders for K Pete and Harbinger/Buddy I finally find a parking spot only three blocks away. We decide to skip trying to use the bootleg VIP passes that I spent an hour working on at the official meet and greet because we saw where the tour buses were parked.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "We probably should have another round," K Pete offers, so we spend the next 45 minutes having another round as the line grows longer and longer. I had never seen so many people at Harpo's. I receive a message and fear it may be from Elizabeth First ("Where are you?") but it instead from my trustworthy assistant Sebastian Owl, which oddly unnerves me more.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Keep your eyes open. Zoe V. might be there," the message said, ominous, a warning, checking all the boxes. Zoe is a figure from the past who most likely despises me, but also might possibly be in love with me, and looks okay in a bikini. I make a mental note to keep an eye out for her, for multiple reasons that K Pete and Buddy did not need to know about and decided it was time to lurk around the tour buses.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> After pissing for the seventh time, K Pete heads out to take point. It was then that I brought out the walker, our Ace Card.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-BCS3y2tc_AS1yxQ-BO8Qnj_uWvrLojLPOib5QFEl6LGkTZ9MOuDgwm9nB6t_iNypC_XWNT_WyIf_413NpDZvfcrwoZhFkiV1QIurKCYm_VdoH1WkZzpki8RfsdOR2_VdF71lus8p9ryieh3BfHjB6r9i_a04vtYs8JVFbuyoQTJIPmyQINOJGg/s2048/waspcar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-BCS3y2tc_AS1yxQ-BO8Qnj_uWvrLojLPOib5QFEl6LGkTZ9MOuDgwm9nB6t_iNypC_XWNT_WyIf_413NpDZvfcrwoZhFkiV1QIurKCYm_VdoH1WkZzpki8RfsdOR2_VdF71lus8p9ryieh3BfHjB6r9i_a04vtYs8JVFbuyoQTJIPmyQINOJGg/w300-h400/waspcar.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Brilliant," K Pete says, "That is a thing of beauty. Where did you score that?"</div><div style="text-align: left;">The walker was from when I was in detox a few years ago. My legs had atrophied (?) and I couldn't walk. Insurance paid for it. Karma is creeping in.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I got it at a garage sale," I lie and we head to the buses, and this is when K Pete inexplicably stops in the middle of the road and starts waving the fake VIP passes around. The staff immediately responds.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Sir, you are going to have to leave," the stooge says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm VIP. Got the pass right here," K Pete says as I grab Buddy/Harbinger and move us into the shadows.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You are in the street," the staffer says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm in the middle of the road?" K Pete asks, but not really a question, and then I have an eerie flashback, and this is the point I decide to jump into action. I flip open the walker and toss on the eye patch and explain to the security that this man is my sponsor (by this time I have adopted a handicap persona).</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Sir, your sponsor is obviously drunk. Please just go."</div><div style="text-align: left;">They let us leave without calling the cops, who actually were just around the corner, but wouldn't have responded anyway.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> "These VIP passes are useless. We took too long, man," K Pete says, obviously transitioning from the manic stage of drunkenness to the introspective one. And of course what happens after that is the chaos. I try to avert this as long as possible.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Let's sell them. I have around twenty. Did you see the line back there?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9MvJR-mc2_JOt56XiaLf5LgRgY9A-VXBzDuCx3VocnvPkDPdKSgV_X2yN-TDPtKzhw2aUD1N-A8hn5AumX4drcvOLtdzQDOYVpxSTwgeGrhnc5I4cQ0SEfJ73tzRzsub6hPDyr-TBLGScSHizaqSdy_9Oi2puCPHMgFwWW9pSSkr7cadx5vHH6w/s2048/crowd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9MvJR-mc2_JOt56XiaLf5LgRgY9A-VXBzDuCx3VocnvPkDPdKSgV_X2yN-TDPtKzhw2aUD1N-A8hn5AumX4drcvOLtdzQDOYVpxSTwgeGrhnc5I4cQ0SEfJ73tzRzsub6hPDyr-TBLGScSHizaqSdy_9Oi2puCPHMgFwWW9pSSkr7cadx5vHH6w/w300-h400/crowd.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Brilliant," his lone reply, as he takes a swig from the can I did not see in the middle of the road, and we head back to the front of the building where the line has not moved, but there is money to be made. K Pete gives Buddy a handful of the fake VIP passes and Harbinger begins to sell them, but at a discount, to these waterheads in line who immediately leave to go to the back where the tour buses are and I start cackling because the line is finally moving. Harbinger returns.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I think we should split. Those people are going to be pissed," he says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "We'll be fine. The line is finally moving," I reply.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I've been down a river of sadness before," Harbinger says, ominous, and K Pete interrupts the dread with more dread.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Why didn't you invite your tambourine player, Debbie Schaffer? She likes free speech," he asks and I shudder as my phone vibrates at that very moment. It is Amy from back in L.A.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You fucking suck," was the simple text and I don't reply because it might be true.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Her name is E First, not Debbie Schaffer, and no one told her about it."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Then how did she know?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Why should I care?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I don't think the three of us have ever hung out at the same time," he claims and I am momentarily confused because he might be right.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Enough," I snap, hiss, "Grab Harbinger. The line is moving. We need to get in there before those people start coming back. When you work hard to do something right you don't want people to forget it."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2f4Bz3RRYpJmwEmbHAJNQM9Nqxi9iVOPs4uoKZYElRbq4MSPlFuSTIfwS8WvBK4T0497T6jVCeP9EuxzfuIF_yh8QF1yOPVQ1ie7C6_D4p7NDm-EsMcYr2PZMoEwZGFH6i-x8f2MtW5t0a6U2t5dMI3mkXuyRJQIlVpW4Ky0GrfQYz2UvaReiWg/s2048/walker1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2f4Bz3RRYpJmwEmbHAJNQM9Nqxi9iVOPs4uoKZYElRbq4MSPlFuSTIfwS8WvBK4T0497T6jVCeP9EuxzfuIF_yh8QF1yOPVQ1ie7C6_D4p7NDm-EsMcYr2PZMoEwZGFH6i-x8f2MtW5t0a6U2t5dMI3mkXuyRJQIlVpW4Ky0GrfQYz2UvaReiWg/w300-h400/walker1.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I put on the eyepatch and we jump the line using a combination of the disabled veteran with a walker, two sponsors, and a fake phone call just to be safe. Harbinger is not used to the "hustle" and he is sweating profusely.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "We made $50 on those fake passes," Buddy/Harbinger says as we get past security, an actual small victory. His confidence has returned and I start to get optimistic which actually worries me even more.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Perfect. Then drinks!" I exclaim, command, frothing, but then turn around to see that Kentucky Pete has changed into his "Uncle Jasper" costume which he must have had the entire time.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9lsNgY5UkXO03ebnq6QKG_MGwdHLeaqcxU-pAA_xmKf7nTnWvZGnGKJQTka01v8OdZ1s5EMsHS5coFCzHrN2u5hcFD52MKf4mwKQgRmpEPBOGdwYgGGsNyVuX9d9z39NZahaOTTCe-N2jd9YMOBy39I8TlhP3Wsr0ELsgHxrH9sQVdOXxWuGDeA/s2048/crew1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1781" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9lsNgY5UkXO03ebnq6QKG_MGwdHLeaqcxU-pAA_xmKf7nTnWvZGnGKJQTka01v8OdZ1s5EMsHS5coFCzHrN2u5hcFD52MKf4mwKQgRmpEPBOGdwYgGGsNyVuX9d9z39NZahaOTTCe-N2jd9YMOBy39I8TlhP3Wsr0ELsgHxrH9sQVdOXxWuGDeA/w557-h640/crew1.jpg" width="557" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Uncle Jasper costume</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHl3_eowg_4Ccuy-OCZFQbMe27vOmv7gvvTGldeKYahvNC_6PdnGSQ2wN1Msvasyj5I-5x0wftYaLIstBFSek9UZ29fW_bZ28Vzl1rMFNELF3kgaJoevpSvfADFO4gdMk9fY5SJ3Fc2AXXxR0Ch5287nMHTSy6-eNHYzU2JfWhb4APMirxG_IDdw/s2048/jasper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHl3_eowg_4Ccuy-OCZFQbMe27vOmv7gvvTGldeKYahvNC_6PdnGSQ2wN1Msvasyj5I-5x0wftYaLIstBFSek9UZ29fW_bZ28Vzl1rMFNELF3kgaJoevpSvfADFO4gdMk9fY5SJ3Fc2AXXxR0Ch5287nMHTSy6-eNHYzU2JfWhb4APMirxG_IDdw/w300-h400/jasper.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The Uncle Jasper costume is an alternate persona that Kentucky Pete sometimes uses just to throw people off, make some potential psychopath with a sidearm think that "Hey, there might be somebody here that's even more crazy than me," but I really think he just uses it because he has no plans to wait in a line for the bathroom.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Because of my walker we are allowed to jump the ridiculous line at the bar. This is when things get bad. WASP is still 30 minutes from starting...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Pal, you switched your eyepatch," K Pete says, "It's on your other eye. A minute ago it was on your right eye; now it's the left. They are going to catch on. Wait, you forgot to wear it when we were in line. We are completely doomed."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Jesus Christ, I can't see shit. What do you want from me?" I shout.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hey man, you a vet?" a stranger asks.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Yes," I reply, hesitant at first, but then an absolute demon.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I really respect what you've done," the stranger says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "What? The Detroit Music Award?" I ask completely drunk and confused. The stranger understands.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hey this one's on me," he says, and Harbinger leaves the line, possibly weeping.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Actually, I was in Nam and Korea. Can you make it two?" I ask.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Why not," the stranger replies and K Pete leans into me and mumbles, "Absolutely shameless."</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> After we secure our spots (very decent thanks to the walker), I head back to the bar and pull the same veteran ploy and get us even more cool drink, too much, and K Pete devours it all.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hey you lost your eyepatch," Harbinger notices. I had indeed lost my eyepatch but I just giggle, and things are about to go off the rails.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Maybe we should have just gone to a strip club instead," I say to K Pete and Buddy, actually believing myself, but K Pete has the Rage, the Crazy Eyes. He has consumed all of the drink I had grifted earlier and now in addition to the eyepatch, I have lost the fucking walker.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "You lost your eyepatch," K Pete says, ominously as WASP starts to play, "I need more drink."</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Great observation. We're not going to last five songs," I plead.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hey Buddy!" somebody shouts and Buddy jumps, sweating.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "How do they know me here?" he asks.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Hey buddy," somebody asks, a different person. Harbinger/Buddy is in a dark place with the Fear.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I'm just wishing my whole life away," he mutters.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Easy living," K Pete adds, not really helping.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Buddy walks away, sulking, and somebody else yells, "Hey buddy!", and he doesn't stop and just shakes his head.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Jump, flash cut, and K Pete is also gone, vanished, which is more of a concern because all of the remaining drink I had borrowed are also gone. I then get a text from E First. Of course, because I keep all my promises.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I've been down the river of sadness," is all it says.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Well, I've gone down the river of pain," I reply, now getting frustrated.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "That was my nickname in college," she says, laughing, and then abruptly clicks off. I sit listening to the dead line and that is when I see the chaos, the altercation, the beginning of the end for this night.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Kentucky Pete is being escorted, no dragged, to the lobby. He is vastly incoherent and Harbinger/Buddy, the supposed "muscle" has disappeared again. The security staff sit K Pete in a chair in the lobby to try to calm him down and I wonder why they didn't just kick him out. It's not like we were paying for drinks anyway.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Shouldn't you just remove him," I suggest because I just want to get home at this point and this is when WASP begins their fifth song, an omen. This is the part where K Pete snaps and jumps up and starts throwing chairs. I am looking around for any type of help and see Harbinger running to the scene carrying the walker I guess I left somewhere.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "We Are Leaving!" I shout, but they have already tossed K Pete outside. The bartender notices the walker and shouts, "This guy has been getting free drinks all night. He can walk. He don't need no walker!" Yes, we are definitely leaving.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Harbinger and I rush out the front, me cackling, him possibly sobbing, and we carry K Pete, who was lying on the sidewalk, back to the Silver Hornet.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "So, what was your take on the show?" I ask, a stab at a real conversation.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "It was frustrating. I kept hearing 'Hey Buddy' and I thought is was you guys but it wasn't. Why did you pick Buddy for my name?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I can't answer that," I reply because I actually forgot why we picked that name. Jump cut and we are on the road.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> "I lost my phone," K Pete says, finally waking up.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Oh Jesus Christ," I shout, frantic, "If somebody finds that, with all the messages, we are completely doomed. That's it. Fuck it. I'm not going back. I deserve this," I am shouting.</div><div style="text-align: left;"> We get back to the JCMsTown Compound and I deposit a semi-lifeless K Pete into his car while Harbinger fiddles with his phone, and then K Pete springs to life...</div><div style="text-align: left;"> "Wait, it could be in your car, might have fallen out," he slurs as he attempts to enter the Silver Hornet. Of course this sets off the Growler, which is the audio/sensory device I have installed to prevent Midnight Intruders from breaking into the car. The high end side effects from this custom device are bleeding from the ears and mild seizures. We all grab our ears, in absolute pain as every light on the street turns on and everyone else is clutching their heads and then I start to see squirrels falling from the trees and birds are flying away but not in time, and Sebastian Owl, the loyal assistant, is shouting out the window, "What is the matter with you?"</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIBjrz9MpOMZjGjOzxEP8r27eIzMjHHgHrmQqStT4D5Dq9_uXowZsY2RPWEVvVY5q-ujp-lLLywtcXZV4ke0qXc6V0qtzv9eqm8qfOdoSZC3bk1y0KSiYXiEXRUkxy9wIQ0r7hwfjyxQYNv2e9DMWx5ffW_Ii3-GjOI3EDfioJBE70L7gHRPOMOQ/s1800/growler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1800" data-original-width="1440" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIBjrz9MpOMZjGjOzxEP8r27eIzMjHHgHrmQqStT4D5Dq9_uXowZsY2RPWEVvVY5q-ujp-lLLywtcXZV4ke0qXc6V0qtzv9eqm8qfOdoSZC3bk1y0KSiYXiEXRUkxy9wIQ0r7hwfjyxQYNv2e9DMWx5ffW_Ii3-GjOI3EDfioJBE70L7gHRPOMOQ/w320-h400/growler.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> We finally turn off the Growler and Harbinger drives K Pete back to Harpo's where he gets his phone (Buddy had tracked and located it before the Growler incident killed the entire neighborhood). It turned out that the phone was actually left on stage (How? No clue. The VIP passes? The missing walker?), and the phone was recovered by the bass player from WASP, Mike Duda (thank you btw), so in the end K Pete actually got that meet and greet. Funny how things sort themselves. I ended up in bed, looking at my Senior Year High School Yearbook wondering what happened to everybody. And then I found out. But that is for another post.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">From the Iceman Commeth,</div><div style="text-align: left;">The Boy Next Door</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dr. Bryan Metro</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>The Jesus Chainsaw Massacrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02064170942105943479noreply@blogger.com4