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Wednesday, August 30, 2023

2023 Hamtramck Labor Day Fest Preview/Detroit Cobras Cash Grab

 From the National Affairs Desk-

*Thursday Update!- I guess Cadieux Cafe is also doing a weekend long festival featuring all the bands that have played a Fest this year (aside from JCM; we're retired again). It is Thursday through Monday and the cost is $30 for all the days. Who in their right mind is fucking going to Cadieux Cafe for 5 fucking days straight? Here's a tip. Grab an old wristband from a Blowout or Hamfest, or even Cedar Point, and just walk right in. By Friday evening, the yahoo at the door would have long given up caring. Free advice, no charge.

Whooooo boy, Metro here. After the Rodriguez posts/cash grabs, I am exhausted. But, I am here with my annual Hamtramck Labor Day Festival Preview. After my Rodriguez birthday cash grab posts, I was bombed by comments, e-mails, and DM's. Some of them were dour and sad, and some of them were very supportive that I was asking the question nobody wanted to answer: Where was the money going? By the way, that question has yet to be answered and verified by the best local journalist in town. Anyway, where did the summer go?
   It is nearly the end of summer which means that it's time for the annual Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. But before we get to the preview I would like to do a quick tangent....
   I see that the Detroit Cobras had a show this past weekend at the Magic Stick (of course). Wait, what????How is that possible? Of course, details were sketchy/slash/non-existent (you knew that was coming). Both the Magic Stick and Cobras social media were unresponsive to my questions (Red Flag), e-mail as well, as expected. I actually should file a suit about emotional stress regarding flashbacks to the Rodriguez mystery money show.




   Let's be honest, the Detroit Cobras are pretty much synonymous with Rachel Nagy. Nobody cares about the jobber drummer or dumpy replacement singer. Rachel, unfortunately, passed last year. She had her flaws. We all do, but she was a dynamic, feisty, and real (that part is when you need to start paying attention) as you could find. So, I think its kind of cool that they are keeping the Detroit Cobras name/brand alive to make as much money off the name as possible. Okay, who are we kidding?
   I think it's gross, less of a "tribute" than some geezers trying to make a buck off of somebody who has passed. If I'm lying, tell me I'm wrong, but make sure you have proof. Until then, I think it's gross that the remaining members who, let's be honest, nobody knows who they are, are still using the name. It's almost as bad as that walking "likes 'em young" corpse Wayne Kramer using the MC5 name when it's just him struggling to walk around the stage.
   I have no idea who is even still in the Cobras lineup and I bet you don't either. Everything is so vague, which is probably most convenient. I bet there were people at the show who had zero clue Rachel was even dead. I even had to check to see if Dave Grohl was playing with them because he tends to cling to people with addiction issues and then exploit them after they die. I can't believe I haven't seen Rodriguez tribute shows where bands play shitty covers of his songs, get a paltry $20, which is more than Sixto initially got. Detroit Irony's Harder! So the Cobras are playing for free (wroooonnngg) at the Labor Day Fest and we still need to know where is the money going??
   
   Yeah, that age-old question. Allow for a tangent on a tangent. Years ago, I ended up in Montreal with some of the Inner Circle to celebrate a bachelor party. Day 1 went as expected: Rough. Day 2 started at noon, a mild miracle, as me and -jr wandered the streets of this foreign city. We pass a strip club. It was open.
   "What kind of strip club is open at noon?" I ask.
   "They have food the sign says. A buffet. Free," -jr replies.
   "This joint is on the second floor of this building. And I am not eating food at noon from a strip club," I shout.
   "Then go cry back at the hotel. I'm going in," -jr says.
   So of course we go in. There were only two dancers. Neither would qualify to play tambourine. After a few minutes of getting drunk, watching a "Lifer" dance to Radiohead, -jr snaps...
   "Fuck it. I'm eating. I'm getting food."
   "Dude, it is a buffet. At a strip club. At noon.," I reply, near tears, yet he gets up and he ignores me and gets up and fixes the biggest plate of free strip club food I have ever seen. After he finishes, we say "Bye-Bye" to Balloon Knot, our nickname for the dancer, and then we leave.
   What was the point of that story? I don't know really. If you are familiar with my writing you would know that I think it is sexy when things are left unexplained. But I will try...  Some stories need to be told, or else they fade into time. I liked the idea of a random buffet where you would least expect it, and I thought it would be funny to tie it into the Fake Detroit Cobras show. Maybe they could have a buffet set up, but instead of cool-ish chicken, it would be coke and heroin. It's fun to fantasize. Like fantasize where the fucking money is going...

   Whew! Now, let's get to the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest preview. As you know, the Hamtram Labor Day Fest is a yearly celebration in our beloved enclave of inclusiveness that is Hamtramck, MI. Here is this year's flyer:




   This year's flyer directly emphasizes the recent controversy of the all-Muslim city council representing our local enclave of diversity, but with the mandate to remove LBGTQ Pride flags from our beloved local enclave of Hamtramck. I actually have no horse in this race. I respect everyone's right to live their life (but if having "too much fun" is excluded, you are dead to me). Lesbian- cool, Bi- even better, Trans- Mildly insufferable, Fatty Patty- if you want. I'm rambling but I have to include this Hamtramck "diversity" mural:




   I'm cracking up. This is totally one person on the entire diversity mural. You can't make this shit up! Uh oh....segue alert. Go back and look at that official flyer. Irony alert!! There are no black people on the flyer. It sucks that the "B" in LGBTQ doesn't stand for black. Is this thing sponsored/organized by Woodward Ave. Brewery (infamous for having no black employees)? I have no clue if any person of color is even performing at the festival, and if you haven't guessed by now, I am not going to preview any act, so if some smartass wants to say XXXXXX has a person of color, feel free, but please provide a ratio because I'm not doing that either. I could, and should, just post the preview from two years ago.
   But the Dead Milkmen are playing!!!!! Yeah, that local band from...oh wait, Philadelphia??? You are telling me that this fair has to bring in a bunch of aging, already old-fuck geezers who were never good to begin with to headline this?? Zero local acts stepped up? Would anybody care? See where I'm going? It's hilarious that they are getting paid to perform at a free fest. This is why nobody has any money these days; just brain dead stupidity. So, that's my preview for the 2023 Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. Can't wait to see you there. Which day will it be????? Good lord, the Dead Milkmen really kind of suck. Enjoy it. Welcome to Fat City. I'll see you there. Come for a shot at the title. I'll see you outside.

From the Iceman Commeth
The Boy Next Door
Dr. Bryan Metro

   

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great preview. That being said, you wanna take it outside?

Anonymous said...

If you have an issue with the mural, let's take it outside.

Anonymous said...

Why did you make the Rodriguez post disappear again? That post had merit.

Dr. Bryan Metro said...

Anon 8:46- I was conflicted about it. I will re-up it eventually. I think because so many people misinterpreted it. It was meant as a satirical take on how there was a possibility that people were using the name and the man to set up shows/make money, and I just wanted a simple answer where the money was going. Plus his family reached out and the blog policy is I will remove anything deemed offensive for further review. I meant no disrespect to the man himself. The Weekend at Rodriguez's photo really set a lot of people off. People who didn't understand the main crux of the post. My take was validated when I saw that people were selling the birthday show lanyards for $90. Anyway, it's down but will be up again. I hope they enjoyed their limo.

Anonymous said...

Different Anon checking in- I agree with the previous Anon in that the post should be up still. Free speech blah blah. Yeah, the picture was crude and probably "too soon", but the message of the post is spot on. I mean didn't his documentary win an Oscar? They have been exploiting his story for years. He was very well compensated once everything was sorted out. Put the posts back up. Love the "limo" reply by the way. Spot on.

Anonymous said...

Then just bring the post back without that one picture.

-Anon 8:46 again

Dr. Bryan Metro said...

I accept all requests. Pro and Con. Will do.

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