2023 Hamtramck Labor Day Fest Preview/Detroit Cobras Cash Grab

 From the National Affairs Desk-

*Thursday Update!- I guess Cadieux Cafe is also doing a weekend long festival featuring all the bands that have played a Fest this year (aside from JCM; we're retired again). It is Thursday through Monday and the cost is $30 for all the days. Who in their right mind is fucking going to Cadieux Cafe for 5 fucking days straight? Here's a tip. Grab an old wristband from a Blowout or Hamfest, or even Cedar Point, and just walk right in. By Friday evening, the yahoo at the door would have long given up caring. Free advice, no charge.

Whooooo boy, Metro here. After the Rodriguez posts/cash grabs, I am exhausted. But, I am here with my annual Hamtramck Labor Day Festival Preview. After my Rodriguez birthday cash grab posts, I was bombed by comments, e-mails, and DM's. Some of them were dour and sad, and some of them were very supportive that I was asking the question nobody wanted to answer: Where was the money going? By the way, that question has yet to be answered and verified by the best local journalist in town. Anyway, where did the summer go?

   It is nearly the end of summer which means that it's time for the annual Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. But before we get to the preview I would like to do a quick tangent....

   I see that the Detroit Cobras had a show this past weekend at the Magic Stick (of course). Wait, what????How is that possible? Of course, details were sketchy/slash/non-existent (you knew that was coming). Both the Magic Stick and Cobras social media were unresponsive to my questions (Red Flag), e-mail as well, as expected. I actually should file a suit about emotional stress regarding flashbacks to the Rodriguez mystery money show.

   Let's be honest, the Detroit Cobras are pretty much synonymous with Rachel Nagy. Nobody cares about the jobber drummer or dumpy replacement singer. Rachel, unfortunately, passed last year. She had her flaws. We all do, but she was a dynamic, feisty, and real (that part is when you need to start paying attention) as you could find. So, I think its kind of cool that they are keeping the Detroit Cobras name/brand alive to make as much money off the name as possible. Okay, who are we kidding?

   I think it's gross, less of a "tribute" than some geezers trying to make a buck off of somebody who has passed. If I'm lying, tell me I'm wrong, but make sure you have proof. Until then, I think it's gross that the remaining members who, let's be honest, nobody knows who they are, are still using the name. It's almost as bad as that walking "likes 'em young" corpse Wayne Kramer using the MC5 name when it's just him struggling to walk around the stage.

   I have no idea who is even still in the Cobras lineup and I bet you don't either. Everything is so vague, which is probably most convenient. I bet there were people at the show who had zero clue Rachel was even dead. I even had to check to see if Dave Grohl was playing with them because he tends to cling to people with addiction issues and then exploit them after they die. I can't believe I haven't seen Rodriguez tribute shows where bands play shitty covers of his songs, get a paltry $20, which is more than Sixto initially got. Detroit Irony's Harder! So the Cobras are playing for free (wroooonnngg) at the Labor Day Fest and we still need to know where is the money going??

   

   Yeah, that age-old question. Allow for a tangent on a tangent. Years ago, I ended up in Montreal with some of the Inner Circle to celebrate a bachelor party. Day 1 went as expected: Rough. Day 2 started at noon, a mild miracle, as me and -jr wandered the streets of this foreign city. We pass a strip club. It was open.

   "What kind of strip club is open at noon?" I ask.

   "They have food the sign says. A buffet. Free," -jr replies.

   "This joint is on the second floor of this building. And I am not eating food at noon from a strip club," I shout.

   "Then go cry back at the hotel. I'm going in," -jr says.

   So of course we go in. There were only two dancers. Neither would qualify to play tambourine. After a few minutes of getting drunk, watching a "Lifer" dance to Radiohead, -jr snaps...

   "Fuck it. I'm eating. I'm getting food."

   "Dude, it is a buffet. At a strip club. At noon.," I reply, near tears, yet he gets up and he ignores me and gets up and fixes the biggest plate of free strip club food I have ever seen. After he finishes, we say "Bye-Bye" to Balloon Knot, our nickname for the dancer, and then we leave.

   What was the point of that story? I don't know really. If you are familiar with my writing you would know that I think it is sexy when things are left unexplained. But I will try...  Some stories need to be told, or else they fade into time. I liked the idea of a random buffet where you would least expect it, and I thought it would be funny to tie it into the Fake Detroit Cobras show. Maybe they could have a buffet set up, but instead of cool-ish chicken, it would be coke and heroin. It's fun to fantasize. Like fantasize where the fucking money is going...

   Whew! Now, let's get to the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest preview. As you know, the Hamtram Labor Day Fest is a yearly celebration in our beloved enclave of inclusiveness that is Hamtramck, MI. Here is this year's flyer:

   This year's flyer directly emphasizes the recent controversy of the all-Muslim city council representing our local enclave of diversity, but with the mandate to remove LBGTQ Pride flags from our beloved local enclave of Hamtramck. I actually have no horse in this race. I respect everyone's right to live their life (but if having "too much fun" is excluded, you are dead to me). Lesbian- cool, Bi- even better, Trans- Mildly insufferable, Fatty Patty- if you want. I'm rambling but I have to include this Hamtramck "diversity" mural:

   I'm cracking up. This is totally one person on the entire diversity mural. You can't make this shit up! Uh oh....segue alert. Go back and look at that official flyer. Irony alert!! There are no black people on the flyer. It sucks that the "B" in LGBTQ doesn't stand for black. Is this thing sponsored/organized by Woodward Ave. Brewery (infamous for having no black employees)? I have no clue if any person of color is even performing at the festival, and if you haven't guessed by now, I am not going to preview any act, so if some smartass wants to say XXXXXX has a person of color, feel free, but please provide a ratio because I'm not doing that either. I could, and should, just post the preview from two years ago.

   But the Dead Milkmen are playing!!!!! Yeah, that local band from...oh wait, Philadelphia??? You are telling me that this fair has to bring in a bunch of aging, already old-fuck geezers who were never good to begin with to headline this?? Zero local acts stepped up? Would anybody care? See where I'm going? It's hilarious that they are getting paid to perform at a free fest. This is why nobody has any money these days; just brain dead stupidity. So, that's my preview for the 2023 Hamtramck Labor Day Fest. Can't wait to see you there. Which day will it be????? Good lord, the Dead Milkmen really kind of suck. Enjoy it. Welcome to Fat City. I'll see you there. Come for a shot at the title. I'll see you outside.

From the Iceman Commeth

The Boy Next Door

Dr. Bryan Metro

   

Guess who's back, Metro's Back- Rodriguez Memorial

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   Hey all, Metro here, back. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back. Unlike fake fake, manufactured bad boy tough guy Eminem (Slim Corporate Puss) that I referenced in the title, I'm back. Yesterday's Rodriguez post rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. A...lot. But the crazy thing is that I had even more people sending messages of encouragement agreeing with me. Weird how that works.

   For those who missed it (the original post is currently undergoing "maintenance"), I basically acknowledged that local person Sixto Rodriguez had passed away, but then turned it into a social commentary about hanger on's, clout chasers, shadow families, etc., and tied it to this stand-up guy, an artist, that was being used, his life story turning full circle, 2023 is the new 1975, and now that he has sadly passed, eeeeeevyerybody seems to have been his best friend-o in the world. I can understand how some people would take offense to that because they saw themselves in the post. It's okay, I'll be your mirror. If anyone was truely offended, not fake offended, or "I'm trying too hard to be so 2023" offended, then I sincerely apologize. To the others...fucking grow up. Sixto didn't know you, probably never cared about you because he didn't know you. I'm the biggest narcissist in the world, but I admit it. I own it. But I just roll my eyes when someone dies and people automatically make it about themselves. So, to that crew out there, you'll want to keep reading. I promise you, you will have fun. However, per the blog policy, that was the apology. The original post is also down, but I promise that it will be up and running soon. Unedited.

   Anyway, the fact remains that this site, Le Lavender Blog, is pretty much the go-to when it comes to the local scene. So I feel obligated to report that there is a public memorial for Rodriguez this Saturday, starting at noon at... wait for it... The Majestic. According to the press release that was sent to me, "No other details were provided." A perfect metaphor and tribute to Sixto. Great job!

   Okay, let's clear this up first. If you want to celebrate the man and his music along with interacting with people who feel the same. Go! I am serious, not satirous (new word). Go! Make it a positive experience and celebrate this man's life. He gave his art to you. This is me at my most sincere.

Aaaaaaand now for the heel turn...

   Allow me to ask a few questions because questions sometimes need to be asked and these days questions scare people, especially if they spend too much time on their phones or the internet. It's okay to be scared, so judgement free zone! Oh... the questions: What exactly is this event/public memorial? It is this Saturday and the only detail is that it starts at noon. What starts at noon? Is it on Woodward outside the Majestic? Will the Majestic be open at noon? Will there be a viewing of the Rodriguez documentary? Will Ben Blackwell from Third Man Records (hanger-on, I'll be your mirror) be lathered in baby oil furiously pressing cash grab Rodriguez vinyl's? What are the Vegas Over/Under odds of local yahoo's wandering around with a fucking acoustic guitar playing unrecognizable covers of Rodriguez songs they looked up 3 days ago? Will Rodriguez be laying in state at Sgt. Pepperoni's with overpriced lunch specials?

   Now let's get serious. Up there was satire with a sprinkle of reality. Will the Majestic be serving their $5-6 High Life's? And of course, the catch... where will the money be going? Do they have sponsors yet? You usually have to put a deposit down to retain such a venue, especially all day on a Saturday in summer in the city. I have had many private messages pointing out how quickly this vague public memorial was set up. Just another question. So many questions, yet all anybody wants to whine about is the big bad doctor of journalism that is asking them. Hmmmm. So very 2023.

   Everybody seems to have their own personal story about Rodriguez, and it's so weird that nobody remembered them until after 2013. Weird how that stuff works. I only encountered him once, at a show, and he was kind of a jerk to the staff, but I understood. I'm a little bit of a jerk myself. After going through his life story, I would be a little salty too. So, to get back to the beginning, go and celebrate the man and his music this Saturday starting at noon, but for god sakes leave yourself out of it. It's not about you. You are not special. Well, unless you are making money off this. I just might show up to cover it, in disguise of course. I might even have a tambourine, ladies! But if some local Waterhead wanders by me with an acoustic guitar, there will be no apologies.... not a prediction, but a spoiler. So, one more time, acknowledge me.

From the Iceman Commeth

Dr. Bryan Metro

A Photo of a Tambourie

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   Hey all, Metro here. The Sixto Rodriguez obituary/social critique of leeches is currently down undergoing maintenance. I hope to have it up again soon that's what she said. In the meantime here is a photo of a tambourine. If anyone is offended or has a problem with the photo of a tambourne or the implied primal sexual nature of the photo of a tambourine please contact me and I will also take down the photo of a tambourine for site maintenance. Thanks for reading!

From the Iceman Commeth

The Boy Next Door

Dr. Bryan Metro

A Song For the Dead- Sixto Rodriguez

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   Well, you knew this was coming.......

   No, not the fact that Sixto Rodriguez, local legend (check in the bank), passing. Everything will die, from the king of the jungle to butterflies. The only sin is waiting too long. No, I meant this eulogy. So, Rodriguez waits no more, as he has passed at the age of 81.

   For those in the know, the story of Sixto Rodriguez is actually more interesting than his music. I don't mean that as a knock, or a "too soon" joke, but let's be realistic. It is.

Quick Recap- Rodriguez began recording music in the late 1960's through the mid 70's. It was basically Dollar Store Bob Dylan stuff. Once again, I don't mean that as a knock on him. I consider myself a Dollar Store Hunter S Thompson. Dollar Stores are important. Dollar stores are valuable. They have a place. Sometimes it is okay to eat McDonald's instead of Ruth Chris.

   Anyway, his music went nowhere around here because McDonald's happen to be everywhere, and also he was living in Detroit, the post 60's cultural wasteland. To this day, nobody's music goes anywhere around here. Ask Craig Brown. He had the cultural juggernaut of Third Man Records behind him at one point and where did that go? Nowhere. Don't get me started on the Whiskey Charmers. Playing 9 shows every week for peanuts. For god sakes take a nap, or at least give the public a rest. (Spoiler alert: Not gonna happen). 

   Anyway, Rodriguez's music went nowhere because duhhhhh, he was living in post riot Detroit, but it did find a following in South Africa along with some other overseas areas. All this, while he was working shitty jobs just to make a living. Just like you and me, right? The rest of his story could have been scripted by Vince McMahon, and very well could have been. There was a rumor that he killed himself (during a concert, nice touch...), but he eventually found out about his popularity in South Africa, which I always found sketchy, although some of his songs were anti-apartheid which would make sense. Still, this was just another local musician, and local musicians don't have any reach beyond Toledo. Ask Dear Darkness. But he finally got his accolades, and they even made a movie about him. In the end, it really was a very Hollywood story; almost even....manufactured. The documentary won an Academy Award, and I think you know where I am going with this.

   The term "Elder Abuse" gets thrown around alot these days, and for good reason, but when I look at the life and legacy of Sixto Rodriguez, I see a quiet artist with a lot to say, but he did it through music and writing. What happened about the discovery of fame, late fame, rumors, and documentary seems....manufactured. I really don't mean to be cynical but these vultures double dipped on this poor guy, first from his recording days, and then exploiting him after a good enough story came up. Tell me I'm lying. I have a good eye (and track record) for these observations. All I hope is that he got, and was able to enjoy, some compensation for his art instead of all of it going to the clusters of bums, clout chasers, Hollywood-types, manipulators, and yeah, I'll say it, family, that populated his later years, using his story to profit from it. Yeah, I had to go the "family" angle because where were they when he was breaking his back working those crap jobs?? Reasonable question, right? But nahhhhh, we got a legacy character, a Oscar nom'd artist. Hey there. Here we are!!!! Do the math, follow the money, as always. And as always fuck'em.

   Why just last month there was a birthday show for him (that I previewed here and offered an eerie foreshadowing) at the Cadieux Cafe. It was sold out and hosted by the "Doc of Rock" Doug Podell, who probably never played a Rodriguez song in his life. Ya see a trend??? They dragged Sixto out for a bit, propped him up, no elder abuse at all from the "friends and family", and then after the show, that he left after 2 songs, reports said that "he had fun". At the time my issue was with where the money from the show was going, but I kept getting grossed out by how everything was going on around this guy, and like history repeating itself...he had no idea. So I did a little digging and found that the merch ($5 screen printed t's selling for $20) and auction went to Rodriguez. I hope that is true, as we will soon see but probably not. Some of the gate went to the Orbitsuns with a little sprinkle here and there for the other acts playing, along with the sound guy (spare me) and "security" (hahaha right?). *Once more...with feeling.

   What really bugs me is that the JCM played (and more importantly, promoted) a show at the Corktown Music Festival. To my knowledge, all of the acts played for free. I am pretty positive about this because the Jesus Chainsaw Massacre was the biggest name on the bill. All of the gate went to this Girls Rock charity (that I verified). So what I would love to see is for the Orbitsuns to give their take from Sixto's b-day show back to the "family". The show would have sold out just by using Rodriguez's name and brand anyway. So do it pussies. Or maybe Vinnie Dombrowski needs to get another cowboy hat to cover up his receding hair. Sorry dude, irrelevance sucks, I get it. Deal with it.

   So what happens next? Will there be a Rodriguez "tribute" show featuring local artists that taught themselves a Rodriguez song the week before? You know who you are. You are all out there. Will it feature a bunch of local bands nobody cares about, in keeping with the Rodriguez tradition? (You know it!). Will Third Man Records release a limited edition, vault, numbered, limited, vault, edition, numbered, local failed artist designed cover of a Rodriguez record? (You absolutely know it. The goof from Duende is pressing it as I type).

   After I posted my preview on Sixto's birthday show I received a five paragraph long lecture from somebody involved in the show. I keep all of my sources private, so save it. They said that I was a little harsh, so they must be new here. Makes sense because their band has less followers than JCM and has no heat at all, but they sure enough had a hand in booking themselves for the Rodriguez b-day show. God, I hate this scene sometimes. Can you feel it? They also gave me some vague cost breakdowns for the show that I posted up there (main idea, the balding Orbitsuns got paid), and they also said that Rodriguez was doing well and recovering. Well good lord man, now I don't know what to believe! He was off to a great start. Also, I have seen zero, absolute zero heat or hype, or anything regarding Marz Radio, so stay in your lane kids.

   Anyway, I need to wrap this Gonzo obituary up. In the end, I hope that Sixto Rodriguez is resting easy, and knew that his story was a decent story. I respect everyone who puts their heart out there. I also hope that everyone who took advantage of him, his name, and his unique story (you know who you are) get their just karma. I think it all starts with Vinnie Dumbrowski's losing hair. Rodriguez was an interesting man whose "story" was more gripping than his music. And then the buzzards saw it and swooped in. As always. Rest well Sixto, and I will probably never see you again. So, that's my obit, so I am signing off. Look to next week for my end of summer pop culture bonanza featuring movie, music, tv, concert reviews. Then I will be going away for a while. But now, from the best, only, remaining, defending, local journalist in Detroit....Acknowledge Me.....

From the Iceman Commeth

Your Tribal Blogger

Dr. Bryan Metro

   

JCM's Mega Summerslam Detroit Preview

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   Hey all, Metro here with your official, all immersive, Summerslam 2023 preview. We here at the Lavender Blog try to be wide ranging in all of our entertainment coverage, so occasionally we leave the boring, stagnant, local scene alone and dip our toes into other pop culture activities. Today, it is pro wrestling. Everyone who has followed us knows that we have always been fans of wrestling. We even had a theme show with Superbomb where -jr was Goldust and I, CM Punk, where we retired Superbomb sending Greg Aubrey into a tailspin of cuckolding, photography, and wokeness. You're welcome Detroit. So, if pro wrestling is not your thing, feel free to click off, but not before buying the second novel, "Make Up Something" which can be found here:

                                                       Make Up Something

   For those still remaining, Summerslam is the WWE's 2nd biggest PPV/PLE of the year, and this year it is taking place from our beloved melting pot enclave of Detroit. In addition to the show this Saturday, 8pm, at Ford Field, the weekend is filled with opportunities to spend ridiculous amounts of money, maybe support some local restaurants and bars, and maybe rub some shoulders with a few Superstars. Seth Rollins and Rhea Metro will be at Great Lakes Crossing out in the Podunk boonies on Friday, Cody Rhodes and Liv Morgan-Metro will be at Ford Field also on Friday for a food drive. Cost is $150 to volunteer your time. There will also be a Taylor Swift inspired merch caravan set up all weekend starting today through Sunday near Comerica which will have free meet and greets (Omos, Bronson Reed, Emma Metro, and other not on the card). I bet you could even run into the Brooklyn Brawler, but he may just be in town to get cheap weed and "fluff" that possible drug dealing Greatest Wrestling Collector goober (spoiler, most of his crap are actually replicas).

   In addition to Summerslam, this Saturday features the Tigers playing the Tampa Rays for Fiesta Tigres and a Miggy jersey giveaway, and Smokey Robinson playing the Fox for probably the last time, no jinxies. There is also Oppenheimer in legit 70mm IMAX at the Michigan Science Center. So, by all means, get out and have some fun, but good luck finding reasonable parking. Plus I'm sure that the Whiskey Charmers and Satori Circus are playing six shows all on the same night, but if you've seen one, you've seen them all, right?

   Now you're probably think, "This is a perfect opportunity for a vintage Metro/Kentucky Pete get into trouble, cause a scene, and get kicked out," post. I agree. However, this is not the case so you just get a preview and predictions. The reason?

   I call Kentucky Pete on his burner phone using my burner phone.

   "You going to Summerslam this Saturday?" I ask.

   "Hold on. I'm at Walgreens working on photo stuff. I can't concentrate because the stooge at the photo area keeps pestering. There are tits everywhere!"

   "Tits? I though you said you were at Walgreens. If you went to Henry VIII's without me I will be so pissed. Did I tell you about the one time -jr, Wang, and I went there and I got two...."

   "No, I am at Walgreens I said. I'm working on this photo project. Do you know who Sydney Sweeney is? Oh screw it, I'm heading outside," K Pete mutters.

   "Okay, hurry up. I think Sweeney is an actress, this real hardbody," I reply.

   "Okay, I'm outside, no go on Summerslam this year. I'm pretty broke, hence this Sydney Sweeney photo ploy."

   "I'm broke too, so I'm not going either. Since I have you on the line, how about we do a preview then?" I ask, lonely.

   "Ahhhh man, I don't even know about any of these matches, man. I can give you my picks, but you'll have to do the breakdowns."

   "Hey dude, don't mention me and breakdowns in the same sentence, but okay, let's roll," I reply, and then we roll.

JCM's Summerslam Detroit Preview

Ronda Rousey vs. Shayna Baszler (MMA Rules)-

Metro-  All signs point to Rousey finishing up her WWE run soon and even maybe going back to MMA, which I think would be a mistake. The women fighting today are miles above the cupcakes that Rousey padded her record with in her UFC days. You would think that Ronda loses on her way out, but if she is intent on going back to MMA a loss in a scripted fight doesn't look that good. They could give her a win as a "Thank You". My Pick: Shayna Baszler. Give the win to someone who wrestles every week and is staying with the company.

K Pete- Baszler with the win. No doffs.

Logan Paul vs. Ricochet-

Metro-  Logan Paul is not a very good person who would do anything to get hype and attention. So I like him. Plus he backs it up, even better. Ricochet is one of the most athletic on the roster, so this is guaranteed to be zero to 50 from the start. Word is that Logan requested that this match go on first so he can fly out to his brother, Jake Paul's, fight against Nate Diaz later that night. So I expect this one to be quick, which sucks because I think they could have a crazy ten minute match. My Pick: I'm going with the JCM of the WWE Logan Paul.

K. Pete- I'm sipping my boosted Prime energy drink and sticking with Logan Paul.

Gunther vs. Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Title)-

Metro-  I really dig Drew McIntyre. Seems like a good dude with a great look, and puts on consistently good matches. But word is that his contract is almost up, and Gunther is around a few months away from breaking the Honky Kong Man's IC title record. I think this will be hard hitting and as real of a fight you will see on this show. Both guys will be sore on Sunday, but My Pick: Gunther will still have the title.

K. Pete-  Gunther

Slim Jim Summerslam Battle Royale-

Metro-  This is the traditional "get everybody on the show" match, but it is also a curse. Whoever wins a major PPV battle royale disappears. Matt Hardy, Big Show, Cesaro to the secondary AEW, Baron Corbin to NXT, Mojo Rawley to nowhere. I know everybody is pushing for LA Knight to win, but that could be the worst thing that could happen to him. Let him make it to the end but get tossed just to make the fans want to see him win even more. My Pick: Anyone but LA Knight. Let's go with Omos.

K. Pete-  I'm going chalk on this one. LA Knight.

Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor (World Title)-

Metro-  This one is tough to call. The Judgement Day faction is the hottest in wrestling right now, but Balor is the coldest part. Rhea Metro and Dominik Mysterio are heat magnets, and Damien Priest has the Money in the Bank briefcase. Then again you have Seth, who is trying to make the World title legit (good luck). My Pick: Seth retains the title, Balor is booted from Judgement Day and is replaced by....Bray Wyatt.

K. Pete- A swerve! No Money in the Bank cash in yet. I'm picking Rollins in a match that will set the record for interference.

Cody Rhodes vs. Brock Lesnar-

Metro-  This will be their third match. They are both 1-1 so this will probably be the end of the feud. There was a stipulation teased but it was never announced. I am looking forward to this but I think it will just be a "match". Cody has a new documentary out, and Brock has enough cache to take a loss so... My Pick: Cody Rhodes

K. Pete.-  Cody

Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Bianca Belair (Women's title)-

Metro-  This match has pretty much the worst build up on the show so my interest is not very high. One of the three interferes in another of the three's matches and costs them the match. Rinse and repeat for a month. All three are talented and could put on a banger of a match, but I really don't care. My Pick: Charlotte Flair in a not quite upset, upset.

K. Pete- Charlotte Flair. Botched boob job. Not a doff.

Roman Reigns vs. Jey Uso (Universal Title/Tribal Chief)-

Metro-  This angle has been the best and hottest in wrestling in years, and it is felt like it has gone on for years (it has). I'm not going to recap 2 years worth of story here, but basically Roman has been at the top of the food chain for over 1000 days, nearing Hulk Hogan's modern record. He has beat everybody put in front of him, usually needing help from his cousins the Uso's. Now his cousin is fighting him for the title and the title of "Tribal Chief". There are way too many intangibles to list here that include the other Uso, Paul Human, Sami Zayn, and others. Expect a boring 15 minutes of punches and clotheslines followed by another 15 minutes of full on great match/storytelling. So basically, a typical Roman Reigns match, and because it is a Roman Reigns match... My Pick: Roman Reigns via shenanigans. Although, all bets are off if The Rock shows up. I just don't see a tag team wrestler winning the title. If Roman loses I hope they have all living members of the Samoan bloodline to carry him off like the Predator in Predator 2.

K. Pete- Roman Reigns is not losing to Jey Uso at the 2nd biggest show of the year.

   So that's it. If I'm not mistaken, both me and Kentucky Pete have the exact same picks for every match but the battle royale. So much for expert analysis. To everybody going downtown for the big fight or any other event, the main idea is to just have fun. Do it. Do it safe, but not too safe because that's boring. Thanks for letting me nerd out for a bit. Detroit really doesn't get big events like this. I'll be back to ripping on local events and fests shortly. Until then, buy the book. Link is up there^^^^^

As I lay down I am buzzed awake by a notification from K. Pete along with a most excellent photo of this Sydney Sweeney girl, so I try masturbating but I can't climax because all I can think of is when Randy Orton will return...

From the Iceman Commeth,

Dr. Bryan Metro