2023 Corktown Music Fest- The 11th Hour

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   As the title says, it is the 11th hour, and almost time for the summer in the city version of the Corktown Music Festival. Hey all, Metro here, bringing you one last "hard sell" for the 2023 Corktown Summer Music Fest. You should know the basics by now. Nearly 100 acts across two venues Friday July 7th through Sunday July 9th. The Lager House is Friday only, but with a (vague) afterparty Sunday. Brooklyn 2000 is for all three nights, and is a cool event space in a vintage part of town. I have never been there.

   Wristbands are $20 for a three day pass, and $10 for a single day pass, which isn't that bad considering most local shows these days have a $10 cover just for 3-4 bands. It's called "Value" people, and it goes to a good cause, I think, Girls Rock Detroit!, which promotes creative expression, community awareness, and positive self-esteem. I can't stress how much that last part means. You can look them up here at this link:

Girls Rock Detroit

   For the past few weeks, I have previewed the entire Fest, the only local music entity to do that by the way, and have been for the past half decade, showcasing every act, good or mid, and have done everything I have could to charter hype and raise awareness for the Fest, all for no charge. What did you do this week? These days, a simple post on your band's Facebook page with 100 subscribers isn't going to cut it. These days, you need the most read local music, pop culture, and entertainment blog for over a decade to step in and say, "Hey, maybe check this thing out!" Or you could just go back and read Jeff Milo reposting the same band profiles from acts that are ten years old, but one's that people don't remember (Oscillating Fan Club, anything Craig Brown, anything associated with Third Man Records not named Jack White).

   But you still remember JCM. Well, at least a few of you do. Of course our set at the Fest has been targeted by the lame, boring, and dull "cancel culture" crew, but what these aging artifacts and never-were's will never understand is that we don't care. The value of the JCM was never really about the music (although some of it is fun), or the bodies we drew in. It was always about the word of mouth, the talk around town. And that is still there. So, to all the waterheads out there, keep falling back on your liquid keyboard tears about Queen Kwong, and tax evasion, and pressure cookers filled with local band CD's. We have evolved. We are now the good guys, the babyfaces, while everyone else has become the "No More Fun Club", just happy to be miserable because it's so much easier that way. We are still here. We are preaching fun. We are Still playing Friday, July 7th at the Lager House for the Corktown Music Fest in support of Girls Rock Detroit. I finished my 2nd book as well this week, "Make Up Something". To all the constant complainers, what have You done this week? As for the Fest, be sure to grab your 3 day pass and support all of the local acts donating their time and talent. Get there early. Support the venues. You can check the links below for my previews of every act playing. We will also have the official "Bug JCM Merch Stand"

   And this leads us to the Final Preview, the only preview that matters, but not really, but the only preview that doesn't consist of a lazy Facebook post, "Hey check out my band guys," the only preview that isn't supported by the Metro Times. Oh yeah, them.... If you check the Metro Times website (as of this writing), there is zero mention of the Corktown Music Fest in support of Girls Rock Detroit in their events search. With nearly 100 local music artists involved, how can there be not a single mention of this Fest on their page?

Zero mention of any band playing, zero mention of the charity, zero mention of a Fest featuring nearly 100 bands. This is the best part, they actually have blurbs for events in Port Huron instead (??!!), along with open-mic comedy shows in Hamtramck (??!!). Can we finally put the Metro Times to sleep and send Lee DeVito to Canada, where he belongs, and let him choke on all the smoke. Of course I don't mean that literally, but it is a metaphor for the shit they put out on a weekly basis, just a bunch of failed writers, interns, and has-beens. I have loved watching the Metro Times die a slow death these past few years, going from a once semi-respectable local weekly to what amounts to a Kroger/Meijer circular except instead of meat and fruit ad's it's just dispensaries. At least when the coffin is mercifully closed on that rag, Lee and his college reject staff can always apply for a gig at Nerdist or Huffpost, or go back to fan-boy designing Von Bondie's flyers.. From Motor City Rocks to cratering the only remaining local weekly. Great job amateurs!!! Sorry for the tangent, let's stick the final hard sell for the 2023 Corktown Music Fest July 7-9th, Lager House/Brooklyn 2000.

The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre- Fri. July 7th, midnight, Lager House- Try as you might, and you might just fail, the JCM will be headlining Friday night around midnight. You never know when it could be the last show with core members Metro and -jr. We also have a guest tambourine player, Darlene S. who promises not to cover herself in blood and ruin the stage. We have a crisp 30 minute set lined up, so we can all hit MGM after and watch all the amateur weedheads hit on 18 at the blackjack table.

   So, get out there and support local stuff, stay away from the Metro Times and Port Huron, and check out some new and old acts. I think JCM might be the longest tenured band playing the Fest. That is very scary, and has to piss at least a few people off. You failed. Our work here is done. I tried my best to get the word out. The rest is up to you.

From the Iceman Commeth

The Boy Next Door

Dr. Bryan Metro