Typically in October I try to watch a spooky movie every night. Heck, I even did a review-a-day umpteen years ago. It was a laborious effort where I had to suffer through Malerman-level dreck......but I did it all for you. Did you care? Did I maybe sleep through the movie about a killer van and just phone in that one?
Fast forward to now. Over the past couple weeks/months I have somehow found a renewed interest in the macabre and found myself buying different movies by Rob Zombie on Prime bay bay. Which brings us to the definitive ranking. It is pretty common knowledge that I am an expert on all things up to and including movies.
7. 31
This is the worst of them all. Feels like it was trying a little too hard with the shock value of everything. A nazi midget, Malcom Mcdowell in a British wig, and Sherri Moon Zombi as the damsel in distress. Kinda shows what can happen when an untrained artist is left to their own devices out of the studio's watchful gaze.
Halloween
The first remake. Half of the movie was Hillbilly bullshit mixed with Michael Myers in a nuthouse. It's like the origin of Leatherface movie that came out. Who the fuck cares. The audience wants to see mayhem, not a broad brush stroke that makes you empathize with the psycho-killer, however, if done correctly can make the movie a classic (more on that later).
5. 3 From Hell
It sucks when one of your leads dies in the middle of filming and you have to re-cast and re-write the whole thing and still put something out. That's what happened with 3 From Hell. It went for a greatest hits of Devil's Rejects and has the same plot with the exception that they make it out alive in the end of this one. Still, it caps off the trilogy while leaving it open-ended. Did it need to be made? Probably not.
4. Lords of Salem
Zombie's ode to Kubrik. Great work in tension building with a complete mind-fuck of a payoff. Suffers a bit from too many forced in jump scares. This one is free on Prime right now bay-bay!
3. Halloween II
Now, this is more like it. A non-stop cat and mouse chase after the first 20 minute wasteful dream sequence. They had to re-cast young Michael Myers which sucked. The ego-manical Dr. Loomis was great.
2. The Devil's Rejects
Zombie's master-stroke. It's been all downhill from here. This is his best movie, but not my favorite. Psycho William Forsythe was great. Banj Sullivan was great. The anti-heroes he turns the Firefly clan into is so subtle. Then to end it like Easy Rider. This has it all.
1. House of 1000 Corpses
My personal favorite. The one that started it all. Still freaks me out. The whole Texas Chainsaw Massacre freak family in the woods that kill, rape, and freakify people is completely unnerving. Then, the whole payoff with Dr. Satan is crazy. I wish they would have brought back Grandpa in the future films.
So there you have it......definitive.
-jr
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2 comments:
Decent list. I think the guy who played Grandpa died during making the movie which is the reason he sort of disappears halfway through.
i like when he was dressed up as a power ranger.
-jr
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