The Fall...Of the Local Music Scene + Preview of JettBlast Fest

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   All the leaves are brown, and the bands are white. Oh wait, I used that line for the last preview, but by god if it ain't so true. Anyway, Metro here and all the leaves really are turning and the Fall is now upon us. In many ways. The summer really flew by and as things fell apart nobody paid much attention. However, we still have possibly the last "Fest" of the year this weekend, The JettBlast Fest, celebrating 10 years of Jett Plastic Records putting out a ratio of around 60/40 decent stuff.

   Ten years ago, Jett Plastic was created by Record Store Kid and they have had a pretty good run, and they have a had a pretty good run thus far, much of it via hard work, and maybe a little sprinkle of mysterious connections. I am not going to link them here because I'm done giving them rub from my platform, but the Metro Times has a few posts about this Fest. As expected, they are lazy, awful, and the worst part, boring. Here are some of the award winning quotes though:

"All self-funded" Hmmmm... Interesting how a 14 year old can self fund an entire record label. But anyway, nothing to see here, move along.

"The TROUT set is of particular interest given that it's the first Detroit-area performance in five years."- I've been covering the local music scene for over ten years and I have no idea who these yahoos are.

"With this festival, Jett Plastic strives to provide a gateway (hahahahaha who wrote this?) for those interested in the local scene so they can see artists they would otherwise be unable to."- Also bwaahahahahahaha. So some geezer has-been from Sloan, some "virtuoso" from Ohio, a bunch of ancient local acts that never got over even when they were given a push, and the rest being every band that has played every local fest this year that drew ziltch.

"What were you doing when you were 14?"- Well I was working on not being exploited by [REDACTED].

Like I said, I'm not posting the links to that shit site. Look them up if you want, but they are pandering and boring, and I'm honestly surprised that Lee HackVito hasn't been fired yet. Anyway, this is the only preview that matters, and will be read by more people than the Metro Times.

   I was outlining this post, looking at the flyers (there are multiple, more on that in a bit), and it got me thinking, "What the hell happened to the local scene?" Some of the acts on this fest are good, most suck, but every one of them has been played out to death. Where is the new blood? Now, I understand that the purpose of the Fest is to celebrate the 10 years, so I can understand why an act like After Dark Amusement Park is on the bill despite them doing squat in 10 years, nothing to move the needle. To be fair, they moved Jeff Milo's needle...

   But back to my original point, I feel that the local scene is in a hibernation status. The entirety of 2023 consisted of the same bands playing the same fests for the same people, and no variety. Also, little to no acts with people of color (Hai there every fest this year and the WAB). Now I understand that there is little to choose from these days, but if we are trotting out the failed After Dark Amusement Fucks in 2023, then this scene has a serious problem. We may be skipping an entire generation in the local scene. An entire generation. Yeah yeah, the pandemic may have played a role, but I was attending shows before that and it was dead. Now we get the corpses of the Ill Itches who at this point may be in the "Orbitsuns Hair Plug Club" by this point. Is there nobody out there to step up? And if there is, would they be accepted into the local music scene? My best advice would be to leave your ID's at home ho ho ho. So that's what you call a "segue" to the CliqueBlast, I mean JettBlast Fest Preview.

Before I get to the event preview, I would like to give sincere props to Jett Plastic on ten years. Some of their acts got some decent exposure having their content on wax. And also, for an organization being a locally run business that actually made it 10 years. It shows what hard work and knowing all the right people can do!

Before I get to the event preview, I do have to vent just a little bit more. A few years ago. Record Store Kid's dad got angry about something I wrote. I don't remember exactly what it was about, but probably something cutting edge, pimping his kid out, against the grain, likely offensive. Anyway, we hashed it out like professionals, and per the blog's "offensive review" policy I took it down and apologized. He said that I would be on the guest list (+1 drink) at the next Jett Plastic show. Well, that never happened, and I still have my receipt. Why not invite me to a coffee shop in Ferndale like everyone else, pussy? Oh....the preview?

   Okay, as I stated earlier, I immediately caught a problem. So I sent JCM Lavender correspondent Jacob Goldbloom the flyer. He was at the bank trying to clear a cashier's check.

   "This fucking thing isn't being cleared," he is frantic.

   "Just relax. These people don't care. Here is the flyer for the JettBlast Fest this month. Distract yourself," I reply.

   "Oh jeeze, Sisters of Your Sunshine Vapor are playing. Pass."

   "Why?" I ask, "I like most of their stuff. Yeah the singer is a pretentious midget, but the other two guys are cool. They put on a good show."

   "You might as well have Zach Shipps stumble out there exposing himself," Goldbloom replies.

   "Wait," I interrupt, "I'm looking at the Jett Plastic page and the Sisters are not playing."

   "Yes they are. They are on the fucking flyer you just sent me."

   "I'm looking at a flyer here. They are not on it. Here let me send it," I am frantic, melting down.

   "Oh shit, this is a different flyer. Which one is the correct flyer?" Goldbloom is also frantic.

   "I Don't Know!!!"

And that was the conversation. So yes, this is the lone part of the post that isn't satire. They actually had two flyers floating around for the Fest.

It is a day before the Fest. Which is the correct one? If they are not playing, then why? Scheduling conflict? Ha ha, just kidding. Is the dwarf singer still trying to join the Michael Mars Honorary "Hey look, I'm hanging out with Marcie Bolen" Club? Neither party has really commented on it as of this typing. Just poof, off the Fest. Oh, the Fest prevue! Okay, here we go. You know the rules: Each act gets one listen or view and I give a short blurb.

Friday- $20

Fuzzed Out- So, I guess this is some geezer from Sloan's new band. Why the need for a new band? It's not like the other nobodies from Sloan are doing anything these days. Just be Sloan. I pride myself on being the Tarantino of SE Michigan and regularly incorporate music and lyrics into my two published books, but I couldn't remember if I had even heard a Sloan song before. I looked them up and realized that I have and that it was boring. I then looked up Fuzzed Out and found a live set. Awful. If you want to save money (because we know the Sloan geezer is getting paid) then just why not hire one of Ryan Allen's shitty knock off bands?

Sister of Your Sunshine Vapor- Are they playing? Are they not? Why? Hey, pay $20 to find out.

The Michael Weber Show- The clip I saw was some twerp making me fall asleep. Very poofy and bad.

The Ill Itches- I get them confused with the Idiot Kids for all the right reasons. Is this Josh Woodcock's band that hasn't done anything in years? Did he need to come back to Michigan for his yearly bleeding? Should this be called CliqueBlast Fest?

Space Stars- I couldn't really find much on them, and I don't have the time to look deeper. Stop wasting my time.

Ricky Rat Pack- Perennial lower mid-carder Ricky Rat seems like an okay dude. He does seem bloated, but at least he's consistent. That's my preview.

Citizen Smile- I previewed these humorless geeks years ago and they were all torn up because I didn't care for their boring music. They didn't get that the entire preview is just one big roast. So one more "Fuck You" to the nobodies in Citizen Smile. For old time's sake.

Dude/Vellows/The Hourlies- I am batching these three acts together because they seem to play EVERY FUCKING SHOW TOGETHER. I don't know if it's some type of weird security blanket, or if there's something clandestine going on. Oh wait. I don't want to include The Hourlies and "something clandestine" and Dude in the same blurb. Redact that. CliqueBlast Fest....

Bitch Kraft- They seem to get on every Fest, yet there is not much out there on them. The bass player has absolutely no idea how to play bass, when to sing the words, or possibly where she is. She also looks like my ex, Loretta Scarr. Beware.

Saturday- $20

The Beggars- I have previewed this band countless times, so to recap. They are fun-first, party-heavy, and know they are not going to change the world, but just want everybody to have a good time. So basically the opposite of 90% of Friday's lineup.

The Amino Acids- I've never cared for them. The music is okay, even solid depending on my mood, but this is another act that can't take a joke. Does that t-shirt guy still play with them? I still owe that dusty twerp a receipt for advocating violence against animals. I even forgot his name. Scott something maybe. Boynick? Might be worth $20...

The Idiot Kids- I get the names confused with the Ill Itches. Looked them up at the Spring Corktown Music Fest (we headlined the summer one btw). Yeah, they are totally getting bled after their set. Along with Woodcock. A non-stop orgy. See you next Wednesday.

Checker- Whoa whoa whoa hold the phone. We have our first sighting of people of color!!!!! JSB is going to be so pissed. And they are actually decent. I really dug their tone. Metro approved.

After Dark Amusement Park- These yahoos have been around longer than I have, possibly. Nothing happened. It didn't happen. And nothing will change. They have a couple of good songs but the drummer kinda sucks. Somebody get Milo a wet wipe!!!

Troy Toma & the Lousy Lovers- I guess they were some fragment of the Trash Brats. I didn't even bother to seek out a video because I already knew what I would get. That could be a good thing, or a bad thing. Depends on if you got an extra $20.

John Sinclair and Jeff Grand- Who is Jeff Grand? If you are a Constant Reader, you already know my feelings about John Sinclair. He is revered for his stance on pot which is cool. Do what you want to do. He was jailed for it, which actually made his entire career. John Lennon wrote a song about him, but he was on heroin at the time so that can be forgiven. But John Sinclair is kind of a creepy dude who definitely likes them young. Hey he's a perfect fit for this show. I take everything back. But I will stand by that his music and poetry fucking suck. Dollar store Ginsberg if you swap out young boys for young girls.

Trout- Couldn't find anything on them really. Both the event page and the Metro Times lauded that this is their first show in five years. I have been covering the local music scene since 2008 and I haven't heard a peep about this act. Rhetoric can be so stupid sometimes. Trout....do better. When in doubt....they probably suck.

Brood X- Couldn't find much on them either. I guess they are a bunch of nobodies from Nashville. Their music may be good, or it may not. Pay $20 to find out!!!!

Brenda- I am not wasting my time looking though 100k youtube and facebook entries for "Brenda". I actually took the time because I am a liar. I found a Brenda Pomroy who has 16 mutual friends, all in the local music half-scene. So let's assume it's her. Not much of music content but numerous animal rescue fundraisers. So, she gets the Metro Seal of Approval.

There you go. My final preview of the year. Well, that is until Dude, Vellows, The Hourlies set up another joint show. But I won't preview that because like with everything this year.....you've seen it all before. Stay safe and stay scary. Happy Halloween!

From the Iceman Commeth

The Boy Next Door

Dr. Bryan Metro