End of an Era 2021 ???

-From the National Affairs Desk

 Hey all, Metro here. Its hard to believe that we are already on the cusp of Valentine's Day in the year 2021. It seems like just last month we were in the throes of a New Year's celebration that really wasn't, a brand new president, mass chaos in the Capitol, and some fucking waterhead gluing their hair to their head. There was also the certification of legal gambling and sportsbooks in Michigan which is basically what I have been up to so far this year. I can say with a tear in my eye and a big grin on my face that the Sports Desk (subsidiary of the National Affairs department) is now open for business. When I haven't been navigating the hazy waters of the glorified scrimmages that are college football in the pandemic era I have been setting up a command central I can be quite proud of. Here is an exclusive look at the Sports Desk (the beer is still N/A for those keeping track, the print is a Ralph Steadman original titled "Sports").

There has really been a lot to cover and nothing to cover. It doesn't surprise me to say that things both locally and nationally have been quite boring. And that is taking into consideration the savages that laid siege to the US capitol, bad poetry at the inauguration, and the second impeachment of Trump. As I said, all too boring. I am tired of getting (private) messages asking me to lay waste to a plethora of topics in the "Vintage Metro" style, whatever the fuck that means. So lets get it out of the way with a hot take, fast take, bullet point fuck parade so I can wash my hands, clear my inbox and get back to things that matter like the suspect -4.5 spread in the Virginia/Georgia Tech game. LETS GO!

-The January 6th Situation.

This incident has gotten me the most "fan mail" in regards to getting back to some semblance of a regular writing schedule/output. I don't know what the Constant Readers want/expect. To be entertained? C'mon, I can't compete with that chaos. My opinion? Well, first off, I wasn't there ho ho ho. I would have loved to have been there to cover it in a fair and kamakazi (ok maybe wrong choice of words there) way. But then a photo would have gotten out (probably posted here by myself) and the over-reactionary fuck-o's would jump on it and report me to the FBI. And don't believe that is an overreaction or hyperbole because the sandbrains on the Hamtramck Music Fest committee reported me to Homeland Security in 2017. That really happened. I have the transcripts. How'd that work out for you Liggett? Ponce. Amateur. Geezer.

   Back to the Capitol siege and my take. They were idiots. Misguided, foolish lemmings. Completely unorganized geeks until it came out that they were organized. Quite organized. My biggest takeaway from all that is not the chaotic danger and hyperbole of the media looking to bump up ratings after the post election lull, nor was it the drama majors in Congress and their boring stories about how they were disrupted from posting rhetoric on social media instead of y'know, actually doing their jobs. For shame. How inconvenient. Where was I to read how we need to come together once every single person is placed into categories of how much merit their opinion garners? Nah, the biggest takeaway from January 6th is that these goofs pretty much ruined it for everyone who may have an opinion that may not fall in line with what is popular/accepted and their right to convey it in a logical, well thought out way. That is the true crime that was committed on January 6th. Now if somebody speaks up, no matter how well spoken they are, no matter what facts (are they still legal?) they present, if that person has an opinion that may be different from the godforsaken status quo or what is being fed to the media to condition everybody to believe for that week, then that person is now a racist, white supremacist, misogynist, and now, gasp, a domestic terrorist. Its fucking already out of control. That is the true inconvenience of January 6th, the absolute obliteration of any comfort zone regarding your opinion. You'll be attacked, cancelled (ugh don't get me started), branded with a scarlet "W". I say this with all respect and sympathy for those who died on the 6th, genuine sympathy. Things are bad, and those charged with fixing them seem to relish the darkness because, like since the beginning, its much easier to galvanize a fan base if they are miserable, and if 2020/2021 has taught us anything, its Everybody is miserable. People like to be miserable. If there's nothing to complain about they have no idea what to do with themselves. So that's my take on January 6th. A whole lot of nothing aside from a few seconds closer to the "No More Fun Club".

-Thankfully, the Too Much Fun Club is still rocking and a rolling. Barely. Elizabeth First, the Ghost, has disappeared, again. No contact, no nothing. I'm working on it. However, the JCM was represented at the Super Bowl. Live, and in person. With amazing seats. This is not the fiction department. Check it out.

Now if I was there instead of a founding bandmate, I would have finally taken that last hit of acid and gone full nuts with a comprehensive diary along with photo essay, stream of consciousness, total madness. But sometimes, there's nothing wrong with just wanted to kick back and have some (too much) fun.

-The halftime show by The Weeknd was top notch, a total starmaking performance. The Weeknd is my favorite, and most complete, pop music performer of the last three years. It was refreshing to see a talented artist do their thing without the need for social commentary (I call it condescending pontificating), preaching, or, snore THE MESSAGE. Spare me. Because of this The Weeknd gets an A+ from the Lavender Blog. And no wonder some people didn't care for it. Cough, Woodman. You know who really must be pissed about being passed over for the Super Bowl halftime (don't do it) show (can't resist) is this guy:

My Zoom was hacked and now I have a virus!

-Truth be told, the Sports Desk picked Kansas City to win, as did the majority of serious gamblers. Not smart, although I still did well enough on other bets to offset this mistake. I am not a Tom Brady worshiper. However, after this year's game I have to admit he is the greatest of all time. Like LeBron who I also can't stand personally, he has reached a point where I just have to accept his greatness. No more excuses or complaints. Of course not everybody may agree with that. Case in point:

Those are real tweets and why I can't stand 95% of the general public. Remember when I said earlier that its only going to get worse. Yeah. Maybe we can move the Super Bowl to January or March (just not whatever month is Pride month, good god could you imagine that?). Or maybe we can get somebody to teach Lamar Jackson how to throw a deep pass to a player on his team and not the other one. Or maybe we can just stop complaining about everything.

-Moving on to more positive things, the JCM/your humble narrator will now be forever enshrined in a music Hall of Fame. One of our priceless musical artifacts, a mint condition ticket of a 1978 Patti Smith/Sonics Rendezvous ticket stub from Ann Arbor will be on permanent display in the [Redacted because of Cancel Culture] Hall of Fame, along with a "thank you" from the organization itself. They contacted me about obtaining it and I agreed, so yeah, the JCM DNA has oozed into musical history. So eat shit Deastro. We win again. Go complain about labor wages or union laws or whatever you bitch about to the four people who read your shit. We...win....again.

-The last post of 2020 touched on auctioning off historical JCM pieces to benefit animal rescue and I am proud to say that we have sold out first item, the original "Garage Rock Sucks" t shirt that was featured in our Halloween photo blog along with other shoots including our press pack from 2008-2010.

 It hurt to let it go but it now has a good home in Oregon. Wait we have readers in Oregon?? Anyway, goodbye dear garment, thee served me well, and know that the money will be donated once payment is processed. Update. Done-zo, and matched. No boring, safe, cover songs on FB live needed. Just a shirt worn by me.

-Last up is the Gorilla Glue stupidity. I am dumber for even touching on it. Of course you have heard about it. Some waterhead put Gorilla Glue in their hair and had some medical problems. That's the story. Of course it has been blown out of proportion, and of course these are real posts:

Seriously what the fuck is the matter with everybody. We seriously are all doomed. The bigwigs at Gorilla Glue should totally troll her by offering to pay for her education, but only if they provide proof of a degree. That's it, take it or leave it. Of course a Gofundme was set up. God, I hate Gofundme. I'm currently banned from the site after I investigated some of their practices a little too close in 2018. In a nutshell, they are XXXXXX as hell with XXXXXXX XXXX schemes, XXX issues, etc etc etc. I could (and should) post details but then I'd have to set up an alternate Gofundme account to cover legal bills.

I hate to leave on such a dour note, but like I said up there its much more easier to be miserable these days. So I think I'll slum it for a while and stockpile more links that are sent to me and when I have enough I'll post again. Thanks for reading and stay warm.

From the Iceman Commeth,

Bryan Metro