The Two Fanged Monster Murders Fat City

 From the National Affairs Desk-

*Update- The Pennsylvania postal worker turned whistleblower regarding backdated ballots has Recanted his story. This after willing to testify under oath and getting over $100k from GoFundMe. The Washington Post broke the story but are requiring membership to read the full piece. Here is the gist of it, free to the Constant Readers. Basically he took back everything he said. Anything he said will no longer be able to be used in any lawsuit. GoFundMe needs to shut down the page and refund everybody who donated, and if he withdrew any money he needs to pay it back. He will also face charges of his own. You know how I feel about fraudulent GoFundMe's so this pisses me off. Here are the caps. 

*Update for the Update- The Penn. postal worker is now saying he did not recant. Hold the phone, the plot thickens. Only time will tell if it is a grave plot.

Lulz....

Hey all, Metro here, and like everybody else I am totally burnt out on the 2020 election, and politics in general. It was tense, entertaining, nauseating, looooong, newsworthy, and most importantly, fun. In fact it may have been too much fun even for the Too Much Fun Club. Well, not quite. There is never too much fun for "The Club", and unlike "The Squad", the Too Much Fun Club is diverse in both physical manifestation and ideals: left, right, white, Asian, male, female, Indian, Waterhead. The only unchecked box is African American, but not for a lack of trying. Well, we did let Sheefy perform with us a few times, gave him his big break, so let's check that off too. As for almost too much fun, it did come pretty close. Political correspondent Vinnie Rawsonville and his fam had to quarantine after a co-worker tested positive for The Bug. Thankfully, Vinnie is immune and oozes antibodies.

Party Monster/tambourinist E First is currently in quarantine until at least Wednesday awaiting test results (Covid) after New Orleans. Thankfully, the Doctors (!!!) did not take her phone.

As for myself, by now you know I hit about five polling locations in Wayne, Oakland, and Macomb counties to do my election day photo coverage, and now one of the city hall's, along with adjacent police department and court are under lockdown due to a severe outbreak, with the Mayor saying that there are more positive tests than at any time since the pandemic was declared back in March. I haven't been called a Super Spreader since college and don't plan on starting again now.

Oh, and for the Waterhead anon commenter from the last post, E First and myself are not the same person, nor do I get the pics from a public dropbox. She has been in the band since 2010. Though if we ever had a kid the gender reveal party would be Epic.

Oh, speaking of me, I am finally back on Twitter. I gave up trying to overturn my suspension so I just started a new one under Lavender Blog. You can follow it, and follow me, at this link: Lavender Blog. Or don't; like I give a fuck. It took Jimmy Doom five minutes to block me. Speaking of that artifact (Jimmy, not Alex), Alex Trebek of Jeopardy fame passed away this weekend. Can someone call in a wellness check on Jimmy D.? On to more tidbits...

The JCM has a new member in the family. Coming back from the store, I saw this fellow on the side of the road. Of course, I had to scoop it up and it now permanently resides at the JCMsTown Compound.

The main problem is that it does not have a name yet. We decided that its gender preference is Tran so we can check off the Tran box on our JCM all-inclusive list, thus I will continue to refer to the fake corpse as "It". That's the political correct pronoun right? I have no clue. I am thinking of having a contest to decide its name. The last time I had such a contest was to name my camper in Lincoln Park which used to be the HQ of the National Affairs Desk. Had a party and a board where everybody could nominate a name and then everybody voted on it. The name that ended up winning was a truly horrific slur that nobody at the party (mostly left-leaning friends of the Ex) had any idea what it meant. It just sounded funny to them. As the votes were being counted somebody said, "Please tell me this isn't happening", and no, it was not my nominee. No, I will not repeat it here. But feel free to give your suggestions for the corpse's name in the comments section below.

Also I am pleased to announce/tease the last JCM project of 2020, "Once Upon A Time In Fat City". I will have details up soon, but can say it will include one of a kind art, costumes, and, as always, will benefit animal charities. Look for it once the Too Much Fun Club is cleared of Covid.

*Update!- E First has officially been cleared of Covid.

Finally, give me a few paragraphs to shed myself of the "Metro" character (he is, has been, forever will be satire), and give my final thoughts on election season so we can put it to bed, at least on the Lavender Blog.

     First off, allow me to congratulate the winner of the Big Dance, Joe Biden. Some at Lavender voted for him and some did not. It doesn't matter because that's the beauty of being the most inclusive blog in town. As Mr. President-Elect said in his speech, it is now time to move forward and unify as a nation (or something like that). I am all for that, totally on board! Who wouldn't be? Don't answer that. I owe the Constant Readers a follow-up to my earlier ballot fraud post where I had three examples of dead people, or their names, returning ballots. I contacted four Clerks, the Secretary of State Office, local TV, among others. I received not one reply. Not even a "Debunked, fuck off". I have over 1,300 other names in Wayne County alone but if they don't care, and you don't care, then I don't care. Keep rollin' rollin' rollin'. I don't get paid for this anyway. Allow me to quickly debunk a theory I have seen from several right wing pundits: That so many people voted to keep a Senate majority and add to the House, but Biden got more votes for President. They're all on the same ballot. This is a flawed argument. Let's assume that not everybody voted straight ticket and actually looked at each race. We all know that didn't happen. The painfully obvious reason is that a large amount of Biden voters fell into the "Anybody but Trump" camp and only voted for the Presidential election and bypassed the other races. This is what I termed the "American Idol" voter back in 2008 where everybody voted because it was the In thing to do, just voted for president, and then called it a day. Based on my small sample observations on Election Day, Biden voters were very passionate about Biden (and Gary Peters to some degree), but Trump voters were not just passionate about Trump, but passionate across the board. This would explain why the right did well in the Senate and House without resorting to using the voter fraud crutch.

     Back to the real world. This is a very interesting time for both major parties. The old guard is losing hold and the young bucks are superkicking their way past them. Both fringes used the Republican and Democrat "brand" to get their foot in the door. Its worth noting that the only major player of the old guard left standing after all this is the eventual winner, Joe Biden. Say what you will about Trump, and you most likely have and will continue to, but he is not a traditional politician in the kissing babies sense. Talk about a stereotype that is out of date. It has been replaced by kissing porn stars and sniffing babies. That is why the Republican guard was horrified at his nomination in 2016, but also why so many people voted for him. Under Trump, the Republican party went back to what they used to be; conservatives with backbone. Since, Reagan, they've done nothing but walk the party line while being too afraid to ruffle the feathers of the other side. That's why they ended up with McCain and Romney, and that is why Sarah Palin's popularity, shocking and ripe for satire at the time, foreshadowed Donald Trump.

     The fringe Democrats are taking a different approach. They're pushing a more radical, progressive agenda that the old Dem's are uncomfortable with. Get with us or get out of the way. There is inner turmoil in both parties, but it is just coming from different places with the irony being both party fringes share very similar, in your face, methods. The real fun starts when both of these fringe elements finally have control of their respective parties. I'd say the Republicans are close to already being there with Trump winning in 2016. With Trump gone it will be interesting to see if they go back to the status quo. On the Democratic side, it will be interesting to see if Biden is able to keep the fringe in check. He is the old guard, after all. If Biden "holds fort" and balances the traditional Dem's with the Progressives then it would be good for everyone. My prediction is that it won't happen and the new guard doubles down on the "we want it all and we want it now" mentality. That's the Bernie base, but he's too old, and that base is the future as the old heads die off. How long until you have some Democrats trying to push out Pelosi and Schumer? Its not that absurd an idea. Its just days after the election and I am already seeing it with multiple "experts" saying that Biden needs to fall in line with who elected him. The humorous part is that there is already infighting in the voting base as to who can claim they tipped the election for Biden along with AOC attacking the Lincoln Project for money (isn't it always money? Well money and power), making the L.P. camp feel like the guy who had too much to drink at the bar the night before and woke up next to Lizzo...uh oh, I feel Metro creeping back. I can't fight it. Its like the curse of the Wolf Man. I tried, and for a few hundred words I gave you the best political essay you will see in Any local publication, one that did not take sides or allow personal bias to bleed over. That is unheard of. But all good things...

Hey all, Metro back. Whew, that other guy was a real know it all, killjoy. Anyway, I guess Biden won after all. What really gets under my skin is that despite him winning everybody's joy seems hollow because they are still fucking whining about Trump. Generation Wuss is now Generation Give Me More Now. And the real sad part is that Trump is still on everyone's mind. This is even after the Biden unity speech. What miserable lives these people must lead. I mean look at Ann Arbor this past Sunday. Back to protesting the police and crowding people just trying to have dinner, people that most likely voted for Biden. Now they have to throw their fists in the air or risk harassment by some fat ass with a bullhorn.

Its fucking Sunday. Night. Biden isn't even sworn in. What the fuck do these mutants want aside from attention? And what do they do with the cell phone videos nearly every one is taking? Swap them? Jack off to them? These are the same people who were crying and wetting their pants at the fear of "Proud Boys" or rejected ballot watchers destroying the city or your neighborhoods. How many violent incidents were there? Not too many or else you'd be seeing it plastered everywhere. Yes, there were arrests. Good! But is TCF/Cobo on fire like so many "harassed" ballot counters feared? Nope, so finish the job you signed up for, cash your $600 check and take a hike.  Let me guess, "But this, but that, because, but, but, Trump, but...," just more of the boring Blame Game. But (allow me at least one), nothing happened. I said from the get-go that most "Proud Boys" are just glorified cosplayers. Oh wait, we're beyond "But" now. Now its "Yet". I guarantee that if one, just one, nutcase had a gun go off, even by accident (yes that does happen; look at all the dead kids in the news), the internet would be on fire. Instead, its lame "You're fired" jokes, unoriginal meme's that the poster didn't even create, cloying testimonials of hope peppered with more complaints. So very very boring. Then there is this bullshit that just feeds conspiracy nutso's. One is from October 23rd and the next is from today, November 9th. Sigh...

And if any of you small business owners or city employees need an excuse to ignore every fucking suggestion from scientists and "experts", you know the same thing Trump was blasted for, here is a ready-made excuse for you. I even wrapped it in a bow.

But hey, as I said earlier, if you don't care, then I don't care. At least it is finally over. Or maybe just the beginning. Let the Age of Being Rewarded For Being a Complete Fuck Up commence. Fuck it. That's it. Name the corpse. Watch for the "Fat City" project. Buy the ticket, take the ride. Thanks for reading. Eat shot.

From the Iceman Commeth,

Dr. Bryan Metro