Election 2020- Better Living Through Chemistry

"Biden is already increasing job loss. Alec Baldwin is out of work."

"This is a 6 Ativan night."

"Never underestimate the need to fill one's life with boogeymen. If they don't exist, they will be created."

- Members of the Too Much Fun Club

From the National Affairs Desk-

Whew... well Constant Readers, the 2020 election is finally "over". Well, technically, as I write this, it isn't, but it pretty much is. I woke up on November 3rd not intending to cover it, intending the Halloween post (the largest single day readership of 2020; thank you) to be my last post. After thinking about it, and receiving a few messages encouraging it, I decided to grab some extra poster boards and see what was going on. So the following post is really two parts, the first being the Too Much Fun Club covering/reporting their Election Day experiences, and part two is a litany of screencaps of possible shenanigans and probable ineptitude. These were provided by multiple street teamsters and I tried to cover both sides. My only requirement was verified social media accounts and non-fringe websites. Let's just say the National Affairs Desk was open all night. It perfectly encapsulates the tenor of the election when I am still awake working/outlining and the Waterheads counting the ballots quit for the night/morning. Because, y'know, nobody knew voting closed on November 3rd. "Totally came outta nowhere. Whoa, record numbers? I had no clue; totally left field!" I am all for counting every vote as long as its fair (and organized), who wouldn't (don't answer that),but the only consistent thing I saw was the level of ineptitude displayed in some of the states/counties. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start with the fun stuff, the Too Much Fun Club on the street. The rest of this post is mostly pictures so anybody who can't read or was educated in Wayne County, MI, USA should have no problem! And before you start griping, my entire education was in Wayne County. Elementary- Detroit, High School- Dearborn Heights, College- Detroit, and Post College- Best Local Journalist. If anything, I helped raise the median.

Election Day began with the Too Much Fun Club swirling in the four winds: Metro at the National Affairs Desk, -jr in [Redacted], Vinnie in the suburbs, and Elizabeth First still in New Orleans, all of us ready to go. E First checks in from breakfast. Some guy followed her into the cafe and she paid for his breakfast.

Biden had yet to win but his aura is already paying dividends. After making sure she was not abducted or raped, I got my gear together to stomp the terra. She was a-ok and relief washed over me and I realized that even though she is a white female, she was also not in Hamtramck, MI. Whew, bullet dodged (no pun intended). My first order of business was to head to a random polling location. On the way I passed a house that was passionately Pro-Biden. It was the only passionate Biden supporter I saw for the next four hours. That is not fiction.

I recycled my "Fuck" sign from the Dirt People Car Wash (see one of the previous posts), and that was enough for the cops to come. Ooops, time to do a quick, non-partisan, exit.

Before I continue, this was also included on the lawn. If anything, they really put some energy in it.

Let me do a quick commentary starting with this. It is awful they lost a family member to Covid. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Just awful. However, if you think about it, right there on the surface is something I see everywhere: The Blame Game. I assume the deceased was a functioning adult. The Covid thing can come from anywhere and he could have got it from some idiot who had it, a total doofus stranger, who spread it. That's most likely. Or, he could have willingly attended a social gathering and stayed despite some people not wearing masks. Less likely, but possible. The thing is, there's no context, so we don't know. I know that grief triggers many things, one of which is the search for answers sometimes leading to blame. That being said, I feel awful for the family. Why did I even bring this up? I'll probably end up removing it from the post. Chalk it up to being sick again and in a bad mood. Sticking with me, I spent the bulk of 2020 in constant pain and eventually had surgery on my liver. Did I ever once blame anybody? Nope. It was my fucking fault after years of too much fun. Still, I took care of it and haven't had an alcoholic drink in four months. Is it because I have to? Nope. I got the go-ahead from the Doctor (stand down E First) the day of my surgery that I could drink on my birthday, days later. Of course, they didn't recommend it (well, the anesthesiologist sort of did), and I didn't. By choice (that's still legal right? Don't answer that). Now if I decide to have the six pack of Oktoberfest that I am owed (ho ho ho) after finishing this post it will be because of me, my call, me only, and that applies to everything. Of course I could say I deserve it, or owed it (ho ho), or need it after seeing all the idiots on social media and their hatefully, ill-informed comments, or I missed out on my birthday, and Halloween, and Election Day, or because I miss my friends, boo hoo. But I won't because that would be blaming everything but myself, and for decades past and months to come, the buck stops here. Spoken like a true Catholic. Rant over, and again, I don't know where or why it came from, and I'll probably go back and remove it. Its not really in my voice, not satirical, and sort of heartless. Let's leave this toxic crap behind, shall we.

While at the polling location I did some quick shots with some new signs and some recycled ones. See, Biden isn't even sworn in yet and the environment is already healing as quickly as my liver. I predict a treacherous winter.

I got bored pretty quick and switched into making people uncomfortable/confused mode. Cars slowed as they saw the "NRA For Biden" sign.

Most couldn't process (no pun intended) the "Wall St. for Black Votes Matter" hack job sign while dressed as a scruffy Patrick Bateman.

And of course, not a single person knew what to make of the Notorious Blank Sign.

My masterstroke was the "Addicts For Hunter B." in front of a school, looking like a train kid with a budget (ie: $1).

As this shot was being framed ("Get the sign and the school, dammit") there was a truck blasting "Proud to be an American" on loop except it wasn't a loop. The guy had to physically go and restart the song after it ended. As I was leaving I got a call from E First who was now in a costume shop, also with her blank sign (twinning).

For some reason, she had purchased a "Hateful Eight"-esque parka/coat from a vintage store. Don't worry, wasn't Lager House. Next up I was off to City Hall where I spent most of my time creeping around a parking structure, the blank sign my only protection.

There was a quick costume change into my inclusive LGBTQ disguise where I took a few pics near a Trump truck. Totally destroyed him. That'll show them, ha ha!

I'm totally kidding about the last one. Its LGBTQ, not LGBTQFA (Fat Ass). The city hall staff had noticed me at this point. I believe the quote was, "What the hell is going on there? Do you see that?" That?? That?? Excuse me you neanderthal, but I have feelings. I swing back around sans disguise/way of life, and took this poetic shot in a moment of quiet. It has nothing to do with the election, but I do like it.

On the way to the next location I get another message from E First. She was now drinking and having complete strangers hold up the blank sign.

After verifying she was not abducted or raped, I stopped at my last polling location. I anticipated a contested election so I came with a ready-made excuse.

In the parking lot there was this going on.

In the second pic the little man looked like he had just come from a bar fight muttering, "Where do I sign?" For the record, in the five minutes I observed, everyone I saw was more passionate about signing this petition than voting.

For the record (once again), I did not sign it. I am not a resident in that city. Would I have if I was? Who knows? On a side note, Vinnie checked in from a west suburb and said the line for their recall pop-up was longer than the one to vote. In the south, E First was now drunk and meeting the people. Now that's how you do an exit poll.

On the downside, I now want her Covid tested before the JCM Thanksgiving BBQ Death Race.

I raced back home and plopped at the Sports Desk with my non-alcoholic, no blame game, fake beer and started to write, edit, and wait for the results. -jr checked in from the lake house. Drunk.

Vinnie checked in from a basement, already sending verified data and facts for Part Two. Also drunk.

And E First returned to her room and ordered a drink to watch the fun.

It is here where my same day coverage ends and the fuckery begins with the tweets, drama, ineptitude (Wayne County holla), and other info that will soon be lost to the ages. Oh, and E First held a baby gator named "Lil Boy". It has nothing to do with the election but I like baby gators.

Now pay attention, the next part flows quick...

Actually, even before I went out to the polling locations I was already receiving messages about election follies. I had to create a "Fraud" folder to keep track of them...

After looking into the posters here they do "lean" on the Trump side even though they meet the verified account criteria. These were received before I went out so I didn't verify them, just saved them. You know, like a true real journalist does. This next one actually made the tv news. Whoa!

To be fair, bullshit knows no party lines so here is the Flint Robocall scam. Of course, this was all over the local media. Of course. If you fall for that, you should not be allowed to vote.

The next one's really pissed me off. On November 3rd the MI Health Department downgraded the new restaurant/bar rules to "recommendations".

Last week "rules" were laid down to begin November 2nd that all restaurants and bars have to take names and phone numbers for contact tracing. Now, I am all for contact tracing. I'm the kind of guy who likes to know who's digging his grave. This rule was met with universal hate, from both businesses and patrons. And fuck off with that "Well you do it for carry out" shit. On November 3rd (after voting had begun) the rule quietly became a recommendation. Somebody please tell me what the fuck happened between the 2nd and the 3rd (Don't answer that). Was it because businesses were given ZERO direction on how/what to do? Zero direction. I spoke with numerous people in the service industry and they all were in the dark. And don't say the rules were relaxed because of people complaining. People have been complaining about the roads for decades. Hell, Governor Recall based her entire campaign around fixing the damn roads before she was gifted with the pandemic to smoke screen the fact she had no real plan. You know, like the one day restaurant rule. 24 fucking hours. What changed? Nobody find that funny? Who cares.

I needed sleep, but not before I saw that there was a hubbub at TCF/Cobo with ballot challengers. This was around 3am, give or take. And look who pops up from the ether; failed musician, writer, actor, bartender, and successful dumbass, Jimmy Doom. Nobody has cared about this geezer for years, or since I stopped writing about him. Anyway, he's off to the rescue ho ho ho.

You know what he did? Took a pic outside Cobo, said he would give updates, and left. Oh, and he said they knew who he was. Ummm, I highly doubt that. God, that fucker is insufferable. It takes a true talent to get fired from Kelly's in Hamtramck for annoying the staff and patrons along with refusing to turn off Jeopardy. Funny story. Vinnie was in Kelly's one time and Jimmy was watching a rerun of Jeopardy and calling out the answers to nobody who cared. For old times sake, fuck Jimmy Doom. And if you think that's a "mob-scene TCF pusses, just wait a minute. Alas, I needed rest so

Jump cut to the next (same) morning. The election still has yet to be called, but nearly a lock for Harris/Biden. Of course I wake to more weird scenes from Vinnie.

I am totally not surprised. The last one has been debunked as of this writing, although I haven't verified the specific ward numbers yet. I am also not surprised that the paragon of competence, Michigan public officials, can't even maintain their own website. These were snapped within seconds of each other.

And don't say it was because they were focused on getting the ballots counted so fuck right off with that. And yes I see that the SOS site has 10 minute updates. Nobody more than me wants this to be over. No joke. Sticking with the local angle, at one point the city clerk had no idea what the status of outstanding ballots was.

Hopefully, with Biden in office, the standards of public officials will, oh Jesus, just stop already. Need a drink. Need to blame. Need a drink. Blame. Blame. Blame.

Being the best local journalist I did find the reason for the hold up. Took me five minutes. You're welcome.

One other annoyance is seeing stuff like this.

Your guy won. Sweet. Be happy. But no, the unfunny jokes continue. And yes, if Trump had won his supporters would be doing the same, probably even more/worse, just posting petty Pro-Trump comments like losers while the rest of us were out living life, looting a Dunham's or Game Stop. I'd hate for everyone to go full humorless poof like Brett Callwood or even worse, a Doctor (E First, stand by). Nobody can take a joke anymore. Most comments are usually deleted. Lookie at the Progressive Thought Police here. By the way, the cap above is a joke if you didn't get it. Anyway, that's it. I'm still getting notifications as the sun goes down, but its all but over. Back to the boring status quo. My biggest concern is for all of you out there. It may take a few days before you realize it, but it will hit you, hit you hard, one day while looking in the mirror or Instagram and you say, "Oh Jesus, now what do I have to complain about or blame?"  Not a prediction, but a spoiler. The sad thing is it'll only take a minute to figure something out. Sadly, also not a prediction, but a spoiler. And just as I finished typing that I see this.

What the fuck is wrong with people? How can anybody apologize or justify that? Fucking mutants. They make the Burger King guy look sane.

That's it. I'm out. Have fun and be safe. I really mean it. Trust me, all work and no play and all that...

From the Iceman Commeth,

Dr. Bryan Metro

The Honor Roll/Too Much Fun Club-

-jr- Heyyyyy Chabot!

Vinnie- For the verified links; the gifts that keep on giving.

E First- For the photos, New Orleans coverage, and sense of danger/adventure.

Sebastian Owl- For the photos and steak. Steak, Meat Shack Jeff Fournier Level Steak.