Welcome To The Night Train. The Start of Football Season

From the National Affairs Desk-

     The whole suite is buzzing. The entire suite is silent. Lightning has just struck the JCMsTown Compound and all the animals inside and out are on edge. All access to the outside world is a pipe dream. Well, it has been for a few months now, but now it is for real. There is no phone, no internet (no loss), and no TV. The television feed cut out during a pre-dawn screening of "Lovelace" just as Amanda Seyfried as pornography icon/sometimes hypocrite Linda Lovelace was just about to remove (doff) her top. Because I am a professional I have seen Amanda Seyfried sans clothing both in public and private settings, but the TV getting zapped at just that moment, before a scene I had seen numerous times, is just another "Hi ho, fuck you," from a higher power in a year full of them, the Chinese Year of the Fuck You.

     The generator kicked on so at least I have a light to write by. It is still an hour or so before sunrise so I might as well get some writing done. I have that life or death purgatory of a medical procedure this week and I don't want my last post on record to be that downer from last week about Ginsberg and the potential of more rioting. Now that RBG is laid to rest and the chickenhead protestors fizzled I can get moving on to more pressing matters such as one of the cats trying to walk on the ceiling. My calendar says I have a mandatory Covid test this weekend before my cruel, invasive procedure. That should be fun. This no internet is starting to bug me. How am I supposed to track being tagged in late night, ill-advised, gibberish, ghoulish, posts by others who are also up way too late. It will be impossible to discover these things when the internet comes back on because all the posts dragging my valuable name through the mud in a hailstorm of misobservations will have been deleted in one of those, "Oh god, what did I write last night?" moments. That is fine, and I take solace that I was working while these bad flashbacks from ghosts are transmitted to the four people reading. Well five if you count my North Central Positronics staff making screencaps and sending them to me.

     Oh right, the Covid test. I had one earlier this year when in the ER and it came back negative. Wasn't too bad. I am not really worried about the one this weekend despite more opportunities for those micro-puffball monsters to grab my bloodstream, nuke my liver, sodomize my lungs, and blow bubbles into my brain. After all, this spring/summer I have been to around ten different doctors, covered the Dream Cruise, invaded an anti-ICE bikini car wash, gone to the grocery store around 85 times, and went to Twin Peaks Northville, MI USA (the only restaurant I've been to since the lockdown/soft re-opening). Speaking of soft re-openings, the staff at Twin Peaks was great, their seasoned bacon even better, probably because its had its shots, and I was able to grab the last non-alcoholic Heineken.

     Right on cue there is a furious pounding on the door. Realizing that I left the baseball bat outside and the unused 4th of July mortars in the basement, I grab the hand cannon and approach the door wondering who it could be. It can't be another lawyer/process server. The last post is only days old and this one hasn't even gone up yet despite the pontifications of a (futile) lawsuit hinted at in the screengrab above. I can't see any overturned cars either.

   "Who's there?" I shout while filling a bag full of clumped litter to throw in the intruder's face in case the firearm decides to jam. There is no reply which means it could be the police, ho ho ho.

   "I'll have you know that I am a white male journalist with multiple valid ID's, a clean record, and am a registered voter. Ummm, for the good guys," and I hear a deep sigh of relief from outside.

   "Open up neighbor. Its your neighbor." Thank god I think. He must at least have some...

   "I got a beer for ya, the non-drinker kind you fancy. I heard howling coming from your way so I figured you were out. You do know there ain't any alcohol in this?" Neighbor says through the door.

God's be saved! I open the door just as the power comes back on and invite Mark and Izzy in. The cats scatter and I take a seat with my fake beer. After next week I won't even be able to drink this swill anymore barring a miracle. Thankfully Jesus is a degenerate gambler and he has the smart money on me (with the points). Until then its a diet of water and bullshit.

   "Workin'?" Mark asks.

   "Freelance," my reply, not exactly a lie, but..., "hey, do you or Izzy want something to eat or drink. The Boston/Miami replay is on. How about some acid?" I notice that Izzy has already started to rummage through the kitchen looking for a steak or chicken.

   "Nah, me and Izzy are waiting for this week's shipment of China White. Gotta go. See you later. Luck at Doc's." After Mark and Izzy leave I bolt the door, smash the faux beer, and try to get some sleep to prep for my Covid test. The last thing I hear is the electric fence zapping off. Its the weekend.

     My Covid test is at 1pm so I had plenty of time to dig up the hazmat suit. I made it a personal goal to get as much use out of it as possible. I also contemplated eating that last hit of acid. I have never taken a Covid test with a head full of acid. However, I don't want to spend one of my last days of freedom thinking I have a giant eel crawling up my nose into my mouth. So I decided to just stick with the hazmat suit. The test itself went fine. I made a point to mimic/mirror every motion the intern administering the test (also in a hazmat suit) made. The test itself lasted five seconds and I sped off but not before asking if they had anything for my other nostril ha ha ha.

It was still early and I was bored with nothing to do so I decided to hit up a few party stores where I made sure to be "that asshole" who holds up the line while perusing the $2 scratch off's. I decided to go easy on the weekend warriors because I could have always played twenty 4-digit picks without using a bet slip.

Next up was grocery shopping at Kroger. By this time the hazmat suit had begun to stick to my body and the only way to correct that is to practice karate in the foyer. It was then I realized that there would be no shoplifting today due to my radical appearance.

One benefit of the hazmat suit is that I had my pick of the best steaks as nobody wanted to be within 12 feet of me. It felt like I was back at the Hamtramck Labor Day fest watching a set by Kimball or some other band that lasted for six months.

Those last two pics were from actual Hamtramck Labor Day fests that I have covered. What is truly scary is that it was cancelled this year due to the pandemic, but would it really make a difference if it wasn't? Oh well... When I got home I just relaxed, a fine plan, you should try it. I finally looked at my paperwork from the Covid test where it told me to isolate myself until I get the results. This part was actually highlighted. I may frame it and hang it above the National Affairs Desk if all goes well. If the results are ugly this is one post that will be taken down faster than you can say, "His writing on his blog made me so sad and infected with the Fear that I had to call off from work for a week."

     Since this may be my last post for a while here are my picks for the remainder of the sports seasons:

Hockey- Tampa Bay Stanley Cup champs. This may have already happened by the time this article goes up. *Update- It did not. My pick still stands.

Baseball- American League: Tampa Bay Rays, National League: LA Dodgers. World Series: Dodgers getting their first title since 1988 in a six game series.

National Propaganda/Basketball Association- Eastern Conference: Miami Heat, Western Conference: LA Lakers. Championship: LA over Miami in 5 games. Boooooo.

Football- AFC: Baltimore Ravens, NFC: Green Bay Packers. Super Bowl: Green Bay Packers 24-20. Number of kneels during anthem: 12 (if Trump wins), 0 (if Biden wins). No anthem if Biden has already stepped down by the big game and Harris is Pres. Ha ha just kidding.

March Madness- Kansas over Duke in the Champ Game.

Wrestlemania- Main event: Roman Reigns def. The Rock. Co-Main Event: Edge def. Randy Orton. Undertaker stays retired.

Well that's it for now, for a bit. If everything works out I'll be winterizing the Compound up north this fall, shooting some guns, scaring the neighbors, and pondering if I should buy the Majestic Complex. Bye bye.

From the Iceman Commeth,

Bryan Metro