Metro Escapes Detroit

"It will be a miracle if this goes off as planned..."

Hey all, Metro here. This was the first line of what was to be in my journal of adventures, but it was the only thing I wrote. Sorry, I'm in LiveJournal mode. I will try to make this as Milo-less as possible. Emphasis on "try". Don't worry, I tie it into the local scene.

I didn't think I would survive last week. On Tuesday me and Born Evil were to cover the first ever WWE night at the Wings game (Carmella, who shook my hand, was a peach in person). Then up at 4am on Wednesday to catch a 9:45am flight. The next four days were to be spent in Orlando for a wedding (I was in the bridal party as the Man of Honor). Then fly back the day after the reception (never a good idea).

Leading up to this death race I spent most of my time in bed worrying about the worst that could happen: The panic attack or seizure from not having a drink during the ceremony, engine failure on the plane, the hijacker with time management issues who waited until after the engine failure, the ominous call from the doctor back in Michigan saying "We need to see you as soon as possible", the raving madman wielding a baton at an Indian couple at the baggage claim, the father who vanished from the plane mid-flight, the fear when the stewardess says "The life vests are under your seats but you won't need them", the frustration at having forgotten to tape all of this week's Patty Winters Shows, terror at the realization you forgot the Xanax and more importantly, extra boxers, and you are in the middle seat and already starting to smell, and the worry about receiving additional court information. Just kidding on that last one, ha ha.

Medium-size story short- It went off fine, as planned which was a relief and also slightly disappointing in a weird way. Of course there were a few hiccups: Being pulled aside by TSA because I worse my wedding suit to save money and some brat behind me yelled "Its the Joker" (the suit was Lavender, duhhhh, with a green shirt and orange tie). There was also the vomiting in the hotel room after the reception, not because of too much drink, but because of a coughing fit. After cleaning the trash can like a true gent I lined it with a towel and put an index card on top simply saying "I'm back" in blood red lipstick that appeared out of nowhere.

There were also a lot of positive moments as well but the Constant Readers don't want to hear about that because that's personal and part of a different project. Switching to essay mode, I took two things away from this whirlwind week.
One- While in Florida I experienced a catharsis of sorts. For four days I had no laptop, no internet, no Facebook, and a bare bones burner phone in case I got lost/went missing. After Day 1 it was like I was out of detox. I felt great. I was no longer inundated with posts about the neighbor with a basement full of bones, how to reduce your debt, the catastrophic box office of the latest Ghostbusters...I mean Terminator movie, the economy, the plane whose engine had failed, and additional court information. Just kidding on that last one, ha ha. But it really was a cleansing feeling. Not once did I feel a panic attack coming on, but that could have been the constant beer being fed to me with the day usually starting with a voice saying "Here, Number 1". You should try it (minus the beer if you wish). Just disappear, even if it's here. Also, value your friends. I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing. I don't want to be "that guy" who's now straight edge and feels the need to tell everybody how great it is as they all internally roll their eyes (nothing against sobriety, but it can be insufferable and pandering). I digress. Value your close one's. I don't have a bunch of friends (surprised?) but that's by design. So many people are boring (segue in 10...9....8...), but the friends I have mean so much and never take them for granted. This past week I reconnected with old friend Kevin Owens along with making a new one in Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

Two- When I got back to Michigan I was surrounded by a sense of emptiness. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to be home as my vacation quota is around four days before I completely lose it and roam. But after getting home, as The Writer, I need to write to make myself "level", and I saw that there was nothing at all (locally) to write about. I know its nearing the end of the year and things are lean, but wowie zowie, this is the worst I've seen it. The first thing I saw was a Hip In Detroit interview with Divorced Ryan Allen where he compared himself to Kurt Cobain and I spent the next two hours in the bathroom crying (no wellness check needed). What I am saying/asking is if there are any hot (local) topics that none of the local pussy journalists will touch, message or e-mail me. I made a promise to keep writing so give me something to work with: the sex scandal between ????, the record release show that's actually worth going to, the GoFundMe's that are worth contributing to, not the cash grabs like Electric Six or some revolting blob asking for money. Give me something to work with. Everything is so boring. Thus, I gift you with my most boring post of the year. Lets work together. I'll be your mirror.


I'm Back
Bryan Metro