If a Music Fest Fell in the Woods-Preview of Corktown Music Fest

 From the National Affairs Desk-

Hey all, Metro here. So I guess there's a "music fest" going on this weekend, The Corktown Music Festival. It is mid-week and the first I have heard of it. This possibly might be the worst promoted music festival I have ever tried to preview, and this really sucks because (they say) proceeds go to a good charity, 4 Paws, 1 Heart, an animal charity non-profit (it's legit, I checked). So, on a weekend that was dominated by Blowout way back when, we have 75 bands, multiple vendors, all in one area across five venues. Wristbands are $20 and include admission for both days. Seems like a good deal, an escape, a distraction from train derailments, troublesome Woody Harrelson monologues, and you not being able to read this because you still don't have power. I like it!!

Then why can't anybody explain to me how poorly organized the promotion for this festival is? They are advertising 75 acts along with close to 10 local vendors but can't come up with a single post containing a comprehensive schedule, maybe with a map, so that people paying $20 can maybe ummmmmmm actually plan their night. I am not clicking 60 separate facebook event pages just to piece together a schedule. If I was a band (who aren't getting paid) or a vendor (who aren't making money because NOBODY KNOWS WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE AT) I would be furious. The entirety of the mysterious organizers'' promotion is facebook event pages. There are 10 of them. Add this to each band having their own event page and this is just embarrassing. There are over 60 event pages for this and not a single one contains the full schedule along with the venue locations, and where the advertised vendors will be.

I e-mailed the mystery people organizing this "fest" offering my services but have yet to receive a reply.

I did click on a few of the same cookie cutter event pages to see the acts playing. Another snoozefest. The same bands that play HamFest. 4 Paws, 1 Heart deserve better. So who is playing? How do they sound? Where are they playing? When are they playing? Do they even care? Do they even know where they are playing? Do they even know they are playing? Here are a few. Feel free to seek out the 60+ FB event pages instead of one easily-made event page to get them all...

Sick Smile- Not sure when they are playing.

Choking Susan- Not sure about details.

Burn Maralago- How do these failed theater geeks keep getting booked on these fests. They don't even have a band page. Probably because they have to protect their reputations at their real estate jobs.

The Hourlies- Probably should do a wellness check because they are not playing with Vellows.

Jesus, that's it. I'm not clicking on multiple event pages. If you need to get out, by all means stop in to one of the venues advertised, and play Russian Roulette. You may find a local gem that might be your new favorite band. Or you might run into 1magine who is actually booked for this and may accidentally protest the Fest but on the wrong day because there is no posted schedule.

That's it. That's my preview. My advice. Take your $20 and donate it to 2 Paws, 1 Heart, skip the festival and the same dull recycled local acts, and join me at a Twin Peaks where we can live bet the big games and check out a few hardbodies. Here is a link to donate to the charity. It is a good charity, and much better than Deastro begging for money on social media.

4 Paws One Heart

Local music festivals deserve better, used to be better, and I think there are multiple reasons for the decline, first and foremost the stagnant quality of local acts. It's the same acts, which was the case in the past, but at least those acts were at least interesting to some degree, gave me something to work with. With some soft rumors that Hamtramck Music Fest may be done, there has to be something. And to be honest Choking Susan in 2023 playing at a venue I couldn't even remember, is not the best business model. Sorry for the depressing post. I really tried. Support the charity. Support your roommate's band if you want. It does bring a smile to my face that in the end, I was right all along. Also, if a full lineup page gets posted after I roll this live on 11:45am Feb. 28th, then anybody who says nobody reads this site anymore, then the opinion is invalidated. Have fun. Whatever.

From the Iceman Commeth,

The Boy Next Door

Dr. Bryan Metro