Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Friday, October 25, 2019

Bryan Metro Covers the Founders Brewery Issue

Hey all Metro here. With it being (technically) Halloween weekend with Halloween being on a weekday this year this post has been a trick, not a treat. You really think I'm going there with that headline? I know some may say this is clickbait, but since I don't make money off of this site it really isn't. I just basically wanted to talk about cool things to do for the Halloween season. To be honest, the Halloween season hasn't been the same since my early days. The allure of haunted houses and hayrides and cider mills has nearly vanished to me. Its not due to lack of interest (or my ballooning social anxiety), I just don't see much about them. Everything feels just so insulated. Organized social functions for kids, the talk about not going to "that house" because the porch light was red, a sign that the Ripper could be there, schools giving out Xanax, Klonopin, and Nembutal instead of Mini-Snickers, Gobstoppers, and Kit Kats. The protest outside of the house of the elderly couple because they include pennies with the candy because it is an insult to the child (the protest including a link to the child's cashme/paypal), the terror of seeing a single unopened candy corn in their child's bag causing the entire bag to be destroyed. The horror (and subsequent police report) regarding the hidden religious leaflet. The organized school functions where children are coached by a professional how to be spooky but not scary, along with the other life coach who says its okay to be positive and happy in your costume as 30 ten year olds, all on antidepressants, look on in confusion. The fear of a mass shooting at a high school dance causes it to be turned into a "lock-out" where the only perk is having an indoor pool which results in the teenage stress of trying to figure out a costume that would work in a pool (the top two choices; Little Mermaid and Aquaman).

Just thinking about all of this just bums me out and I realize I don't really have any suggestions for you. I'm pretty sure that the played out Creepy Cheapy is this weekend but they say its sold out. Who goes to these? Its just a bunch of nobody local bands performing (poorly) as more famous acts. And it sells out every year. It reminds me of The Bang dance thing in Ann Arbor. I see over a hundred photos and don't recognize a single person. Do they fly in crisis actors to fill it up because this year's Creepy Cheapy lineup is a crisis. Everything just seems a little bland this year.

I try to have a different costume every year and had trouble coming up with one this year. I had already been the Driller Killer and the Emotional Vampire (an expensive suit and hair gel), so this year I am going as Cliff Booth from the latest Tarantino film "Once Upon A Time in Hollywood". I expect there will be a lot of Jokers this year which will be cause for a negative article from the New York Times along with another reason for parents to keep their kids locked in the bedroom with a SpongeBob Halloween episode on the tv.

If you're not one for pageantry, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is being re-released this weekend with 4 additional scenes. It is one of my favorite movies of the year thus far along with Joker and John Wick 3. I highly recommend catching it on the big screen as meant to be.
That's about it for my Founders Brewery post. Everybody have a fun and safe Halloween week!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Drama Free- And I Welcome It

Hey all Metro here. Yesterday I wrote a post (that is back in the editing room) where I was very angry about a situation regarding a local artist who had recently passed away and I saw comments from that awful clique trivializing his death because he was white or yt or whatever along with addiction issues and it really pissed me off. Addiction to anything is a problem (that's including addiction to hate). After posting on it I received social media comments making fun of my appearance, posting my parents' personal information and threatening to "talk to them", and calling me a child molester (What??). Its their typical and boring defense technique.

What I am saying, or trying to say, is yes the world can be shit. Watch the news. Any channel, but you, me, WE can make a little slice of difference, just by being positive. I was angry yesterday because of how the same people can spew such hate and rarely be called out on it and I reacted. Today is a new day, yes it is, and I think it would be a rad idea if all of the Constant Readers (and Haters) would take a moment to say or do something nice for someone. They don't have to be the same race or gender. In fact there would be bonus points if it wasn't. It could be a stranger, a friend, family, even somebody you don't really get along with. Media and social media and some parasitic individuals can really bring you down, but seeing another person smile is the true, though small, victory.

Also, if you know anybody with addiction issues or depression, don't sleep on it. Sometimes it is just good to talk. And if you know anybody with mental issues work with them to get help, not support them with re-posts and "likes" on the internet.

Sorry for the boring post, but I was trying to be genuine.


Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Drama, and I'm Tired of it.

Friday could have been a disaster.

This lone sentence sat collecting dust in my writing notebook since last Friday. Indeed, Friday could have been a disaster, but it turned out okay. There were the legal obligations that could have turned dark but didn't and I kept telling myself mantras like "Its important to be likable" as Morrissey sang "This Charming Man" over the soundtrack. The decent day came at a cost though as it left me mentally exhausted and unable to complete my next post entitled "The Best Tits in Entertainment!" which would have surely been my magnum opus. But I became distracted. And it was time to go back to the past.

-How does this even get posted? Consider this to be a prologue for what is to come, but c'mon man

As you know I don't "hate" anybody, but I do allow myself to dislike. The other day a local artist passed away. His name was Stretch Adam and he was well liked from what I've read. I am not familiar with him but we have/had some mutual friends. Well the resident local psycho Asia Mock (who is suing me hahaha) went on a tirade about the local artist's death. This has since been deleted, but an anonymous Constant Reader managed to screencap it. This is why I don't go on the internet as much anymore. Complete toxic depression. These screencaps (there are a lot) were all posted publicly and were sent to me by an anonymous Constant Reader, and are pretty terrible. Cue your regrets in 3....2....1....


A comment from a personal friend of the deceased that was disregarded. Classy.

For years I have said Asia needs to get mental help. Great job Steph!!

Wow...…….once again very classy (and deleted).

Hey Chaely Chartier!  Good to see you again, and posting comments like this on public social media. Now Go Fund Me a beer.

"Because I'm high haha."   Thank you!!!!

At last we have the infamous poet but not really, just a coward checking in. Mere is the one who suggested I should be in a dumpster (death threat). She fancies herself as an activist but is just overweight. And I haven't even seen her!

Steph Cox with a good point! Looks like Asia overstepped her whatever again and is hemorrhaging friends.

Ummm Benson (oh the irony) and Eddie. Welcome to public domain!!!!!!! Yeeeeeeee! Whooooo! Zzzz
Making fun of those who have passed with "grief is terrible". Completely disgusting, however she is in need of services due to the mental state.

Once again Mere, who nobody knows (yet). These are really great stereotyp…..I mean people!

"He looked like crack head" coming from a cluster of people constantly complaining about appearances. Way to go. Home run. Most of this has been deleted but was public for a while, and now its public forever. As is this. Some fatty patty with an alias who wishes me dead (publicly filed) and is so profound but hides. I don't care bitch, but keep in mind this is still my cover photo and will always be.

Block me all you want, but we'z goin' public. Violence is never an answer and to laugh about it one minute and complain about the next. Enough.

*Update with responses...

Wow.... I anticipate this FB page being zapped within 48 hours.

I guess I struck a nerve. Anyway because her social media is clouded and she is such a voice but is afraid to show her face, allow me to do the honor. Generic, typical, everything painted on, everything fake just like this last post

This blob is out of its league. I've never bought anything from Java Hutt. Just borrowed props because Asia (and you) threatened physical harm, even death, on me. No wonder you don't post your real name. Is it fear of oppression because of your opinions (oh the irony) or just because you're just another nobody.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Tuesday, October 15, 2019

The Deposition of Bryan Metro Part 2

Writer's Note- The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons is entirely coincidental. The opening line of this post is, "I can't believe they took Drew's idea over mine!" Also, since its Fall, might as well state the Blog Policy: If you find anything offensive or factually incorrect please contact me and I will remove it and offer an apology. One more time, and I'll speak slow.....I Will Remove It. Just be polite about it.

"I can't believe they took Drew's idea over mine!"

I'm laying out by the pool at the house by the beach and somebody mutters this statement and it is a nice Fall 75 degrees but tensions are high at the pool and an air of jealousy surrounds us and everybody is being catty which is a real bummer. Basically, whenever we are out here we are either coming up with questions about fashion to send to GQ or topic suggestions for the Patty Winters Show. Today at the pool is the usual gang, myself, Trent, Scott, Amy, and Matt. Joining us are the sister of WWE's Bray Wyatt who has possible tax problems, China who works at Powertools nightclub, Drew who is unemployed, some bimbo who insists on being called "Willy Wonka" and works in crowdsourcing (we had to look up if that is a real thing), and CoCo who works at Golden Corral, practically lives there, and Sophia Coppola but not the famous one; this one cleans bathrooms and DJ's on the side, and Rusty who nobody knows or really cares about.

We're all arguing because Drew's suggestion was chosen for this Friday's Patty Winters Show which will be taped Friday and air on December 29th, 2019. However, the day started with all of us working on my motion to dismiss the motion to dismiss the motion to dismiss the dismiss to dismiss the motion to dismisss (3 S's!!!!!) my motion to dismiss. Most of the time was spent brainstorming stunts and gimmicks instead of the paperwork. At one point somebody suggested sending Outrageous Dave in my place because we look the same, pretty much the same person, and no one would tell us apart. Matt offered to go but he is slightly more handsome than me, almost too pretty, but Trent said no because Matt is a homosexual and would likely "botch it."

Someone else, Trent I think, suggested that all of my responses should be from movies or music and the next hour was spent discussing the options including:  "I am not a crook." (Point Break 1991), "That's like your opinion man." (The Big Lebowski 1998), "Woo hoo, witchy woman, see how high she flies." (Witchy Woman by The Eagles), "Hey woman, you got the blues cause you ain't got no one else to use." (Evil Woman by ELO), "I want a girl to make a mess, to do no wrong she must confess." (Spooky Girlfriend by Elvis Costello), "Nice Outfit." (Batman 1989), "Are you out of your fucking mind?" (The Shining 1980), "Yes its true...this man has no dick." (Ghostbusters 1984), "Well that's what I heard!" (Ghostbusters 1984), "Everybody relax. I'm here." (Big Trouble in Little China 1986), "Sooner or later I rub everybody the wrong way." (Big Trouble in Little China 1986), "Are you crazy? Is that your problem?" (Big Trouble in Little China 1986), "This is the game that moves as you play." (The Have Nots by X), "What! I'm supposed to buy this shit?" (Big Trouble in Little China 1986), "Ask me a question." (American Psycho 2000), "How do you sleep at night?" (How Do You Sleep by John Lennon), and "We're being taken for a ride...again." (Girlfriend is Better by The Talking Heads).

The conversation was capped off by Trent suggesting I just respond to every question by impersonating Robert DeNiro as Max Cady speaking in tongues in Cape Fear (1991). At this point Drew receives an e-mail from the Patty Winters Show informing him that his topic was selected for this Friday's Patty Winters Show which will be taped and air on December 29th, 2019. The topic is, "How Can A Blog Affect One's Sexual Potency?" There were immediate grumblings among everybody, jealous that such an absurd topic was accepted. I was stunned that my submission (no pun intended) didn't win. It was "Haunted Pools With a Need For Humans" especially with Patty interviewing a sentient pool filter along with a garden hose. Oh well, next time.

At this point we all hop on our laptops to check social media. Scott pulls up an article on the NBA and China and breaks down admitting it affected his sexual potency. Amy plays a music video from The Smiths and Trent whines that it is messing with his sexual potency, although Matt says that it is enhancing his sexual potency. Matt then brings up the latest trailer for the new Zombieland movie and Scott says, "That preview double tapped my sexual potency," and nobody laughed. By now, everybody is arguing and the sun is going down which affects my sexual potency and I decide to retire to the master bedroom and while walking through the patio I notice Drew sobbing in a corner coloring his face with a black Sharpie, and I just sigh, shrug, whatever, and then went upstairs.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, October 14, 2019

The Deposition of Bryan Metro Part 1

This is the non-fiction part as I'm taking a break from the fictional part where the crew at the house by the beach attempt to construct a Motion to dismiss a motion to dismiss a motion to dismiss a motion......to dismiss. Its a total laugh riot.

"Somewhere in the last few years, and I can't pinpoint exactly when although it could have been around the 2017 Hamtramck Music Festival, a vague yet almost overwhelming and irrational annoyance started tearing through me maybe up to a dozen times a day. This annoyance was over things so seemingly minor, so out of my usual field of reference, that I was surprised by how I had to take a deep breath to dismantle this disgust and frustration that was all due to the foolishness of other people: adults, acquaintances, and strangers on social media who offered up their rash opinions and judgments, their mindless preoccupations, always with an unwavering certitude that they were right. A toxic attitude seemed to drift off every post or comment or tweet whether it was actually there or not. This anger was new, something I'd never experienced before, and it was tied in with an anxiousness, an oppression I felt whenever I ventured online, a sense that I was going to somehow make a mistake instead of simply offering an opinion or make a joke or criticize someone or something. This idea would have been unthinkable ten years earlier, that an opinion could become something wrong, but in an infuriated polarized society people were blocked because of these opinions, and unfollowed because they were perceived in ways that might be inaccurate. The fearful began to instantly see the entire humanity of an individual in a cheeky, offensive tweet and were outraged; people were attacked and unfriended for backing the 'wrong' candidate or having the 'wrong' opinion or for simply stating the 'wrong' belief. It was as if no one could differentiate between a living person and a string of words hastily typed out on a black sapphire screen. The culture at large seemed to encourage discourse but social media had become a trap, and what it really wanted to do was shut down the individual. What often activated my stress was that other people were always angry about everything, presenting themselves as enraged by opinions I believed in and liked or thought were simply innocuous. My pushback against all of this forced me to confront a degraded fantasy of myself- an actor, as someone I never thought existed, and this, in turn, became a constant reminder of my failings. And what was worse: this anger could become addictive to the point where I just gave up and sat there exhausted, mute with stress. But ultimately silence and submission were what the machine wanted."

"This is an age that judges everybody so harshly through the lens of identity politics that if you resist the threatening groupthink of 'progressive ideology,' which proposes universal inclusivity except for those who dare to ask any questions, you're somehow fucked. Everyone has to be the same, and have the same reactions to any given work of art, or movement or idea, and if you refuse to join the chorus of approval you will be tagged a racist or misogynist. This is what happens to a culture when it no longer cares about art."

*Writer's Note- That's not actually by me. It is taken from Bret Easton Ellis' 2019 book "White" which I highly recommend reading. I did add the Hamtramck Music Fest reference to placate the Constant Readers who like the local flavor. But if you look at it, that excerpt could have been written by me. I have had similar discussions with adults, acquaintances, strangers where some of the same verbiage was used, and this was months before the book came out. Why just the other day, I was going through my spam folder deleting mail about penile enlargements, herpes, tax relief, AIDS, another about herpes (jeeze), car insurance, and a Swingers Party in Farmington Hills that was sent by a total "pass" when I stumbled across this gem,  where the writer couldn't even spell the word "Dismiss" correctly. "Dismisss"??? Also, a pointer to the other geniuses out there, December 29th, 2019 hasn't happened yet. I guess its due to a voracious sexual potency....oh never mind. However, it is possible to go back to the future and I promise that there will be no blog post on that day, December 29th, 2019. Have a great week everyone!!!!! I'll try to have a pop culture post up later this week along with the fictitious Part 2 of this laugh riot. Congratulations! To the Constant Readers.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, October 7, 2019

The Lost Art of Art + Review of Joker.

Hey all, Metro here and I'm in "Essay Mode". I'll be touching on previous points about 2019 along with Bonus Content, a review of 2019's "Joker". Yowie Wowie!
2019 is easily the nadir of being an artist in the last two or three decades, maybe since the 1950's. By "art", I mean all mediums, film, writing (journalism), music, and, well, art. The root of the problem, or at least a majority of the problem is the media and society and white people. The other week Bill Maher had a brilliant take on the problem with white people. I am not a huge fan of his. He can be frustrating, inconsistent, and smug, but he nailed it here. If you don't read another word of this post at least watch the clip. Especially if you are white or your name is Andrew, Chaely, Abigail, or Aubrey.
                      Some people are insufferable.

In that clip he explains it much better than I could, given my busy schedule, however I can add to it which I will try to do, and it looks like Maher has joined me and Bret Easton Ellis in the "Liberals who are Turned off By the Media and the Far Left" Club. Maher has always been a wishy-washy Libertarian and myself and Ellis started out Liberals, went middle of the road, and now lean Republican but not really. Its just that whole "turn off/being talked down to" factor.

My issue is society as a whole (or maybe I should say a majority), and their need to "touch all the bases/check all the boxes" or compromise their vision out of obligation, fear, or outside pressure regarding their art. It compromises the artist's vision and I stress it is the Artist's Vision, not yours. A recent example is Tarantino's latest "Once Upon A Time In Hollywood". People (mostly white) complained about the lack of people of color in the film. Everybody knows that there were no people of color in 1969 Hollywood. Of course I'm kidding, but the fact I have to point that out compromises my voice, or at least dilutes it, for just making a joke and leads to my next point.

A year or so ago I saw "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" downtown hosted by John Cleese. He was very candid and at the end said that he was glad he's not in comedy anymore because these days you have to please everybody and that is impossible. This is a fact. Artists today feel the need/pressure ("Have To!") please everyone. Once that mentality sets in, once again, the art is compromised. Look at Eddie Murphy's SNL skits from the 1980's versus 2019 Eddie Murphy apologizing ("Have To!") for his comedy shows from the 1980's before returning to SNL. Look at SNL itself. It has become less a comedy show (insert joke about whether it hasn't been for years) and more of an agenda driven show. What would Richard Pryor say? Well not much, but what would Chris Rock say? He's next to blacklisted in Hollywood because he speaks his mind. Art has gone from "pushing the envelope" to "catering to everybody". I don't mean that all art should push the envelope, but I do mean that you shouldn't have to fear pushing the envelope. I'm honestly surprised that there haven't been any protests or petitions from miserable people calling for a change to the Oscar statue's design because it is too masculine. Or even better previous winners returning theirs out of protest. I know it sounds absurd on the surface, but can't you really see that happening? I can, and I hope I didn't give anybody any ideas. Anyway lets do a quick list!
Things That Couldn't Be Made In 2019!

The past week I've had a few conversations with people about this topic. One even said they didn't even have any suggestions because everything can be tweaked or rewritten. This proved my point about the artist's original voice being silenced to appease a select few who won't even watch anyway. He did eventually have a suggestion that I missed and ended up making the list. Thanks to all who gave their thoughts. I stole some of your ideas and you receive no credit. Lets roll. In no particular order:

- Most of Stanley Kubrick's work with emphasis on "Lolita" and "Eyes Wide Shut" because those may hit too close to home with Post-Epstein 2019 Hollywood. And don't forget about "A Clockwork Orange". Oh boy, if people are protesting the new Joker movie imagine the outrage over a film about a group of white people attacking other white people while only drinking milk (also white). Yowie Wowie!

- "Silence of the Lambs". Here is what I imagine a pitch/script session in 2019 would sound like: "Hmmmm, a serial killer assisting the FBI in catching an active serial killer. I like it!"....continues reading...."Wait, the main villain is a tranny and the secondary villain who is actually an anti-hero is a probable homosexual? No way we can put this out. The LGBLTLMNOP community will go nuts! Nix it. Get back to working on the new season of 'Pose'!"

- "Married With Children". I watch re-runs on late night tv and it never fails to crack me up, but I also wonder how did this even air in the 1990's? Proof. Look at Al Bundy's return to tv in "Modern Family" (actually a decent show when I catch it before Monday Night Raw), but another example of checking those boxes.

- "The Breakfast Club". This one has a caveat. It could be made in 2019, but instead of four detention students there would be seventeen representing every major demographic because that's how schools work right? Of course they'd end up forgetting the post-op Mexican so cue up the protests.

- "Life of Brian". I wavered on this one because it is a satire on religion which would actually be en vogue in 2019. However the boycotts would now be coming from the far Right, but I'm not totally sure because I referenced the tv show "Pose" earlier which features a cast of unexperienced Trans actors, which I have no problem with, and produced by Ryan Murphy, a white homosexual, which I have no problem with, and there were next to zero protests. People just didn't watch it.

- The first few seasons of the Tim & Eric Show. Especially the "Carol" office segments. Of course in 2019 they could defend the fat shaming by it being a satire of office toxic masculinity, but then there's that pesky clip of Carol (played by a white man) trying and failing to "Get In Shape!"

-"Animal House". Would be next to impossible. This one needs its own list. I always enjoy it when its on because usually I've checked out by then (they don't play it during General Hospital), and I've stopped thinking about changing the world (have I ever even tried?). Its a good technique. I highly recommend it. Reduces stress, even when I inevitably cry when they take the bar from Delta House. "They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!"

- "Airplane". If only for the sequence where nobody can understand the two black passengers (the only people of color in the movie other than Kareem) except for an older white woman who can speak "jive". Absurd, hilarious, no can do today. Ain't no thang.

- "Taxi Driver". No way this could be made today. If people are losing their shit over "Joker" there is no way. It came out during the best decade in film, the 1970's (my opinion; those are still legal right?). "The Godfather" could still be made. "All the Presidents Men" sure as hell could still be made today. In fact I'm waiting for a sequel to be announced from Netflix directed by Ron Howard. "Dog Day Afternoon" could still be made, though there could be protests that the Chris Sarandon character did not have enough screen time. "Apocalypse Now" could still be made. "Star Wars" could still be made but only after a complete overhaul of the creatures and droids and live action cast and oh wait that already happened! "Taxi Driver"? Nope. A socially awkward white male as both a savior and an anti-hero. Wait a second, it actually could be made today, but only if Travis was a character in a comic. Also weird that Jodie Foster (a white female lesbian) appears twice on this list.

- "American Psycho". The book could never come out today. It barely made it out in 1991, and nobody understood it, especially the protestors who didn't even read it. It was met with death threats (sound familiar?). I was surprised that it actually made it to the theaters (DiCaprio was attached but even he was scared off). I was there opening night of course. Also interesting is that it was directed by Mary Harron, a white female and the screenplay written by Guinevere Turner, a white female lesbian. Maybe this film kickstarted the "We Need Something To Deflect" movement. As you know, it has become a cult classic quoted to this day (mostly by white males who missed the point that it was actually a comedy/satire).

- "Kick Ass". This is the most recent entry on the list. The scene with Hit Girl killing a bunch of (black) drug dealers would never fly today although I could see them rewriting it to be a biker gang because all biker gangs deal drungs, right? The sequel came out a few years ago and co-starred Jim Carrey who disowned the movie and refused to promote it because of the violence. Because....umm he didn't read the script? Nahhhhh the pressure of fear referenced above. This despite appearing in another comic adaptation "Batman Forever" which featured lots of gunplay but I guess it was okay then.

That's all I have for now. I'm sure there's more. I know that on the surface this post comes across as anti-white, but that is not the case. Sometimes we just need to slide down the surface of things. I just used a select fringe tangent of white people as an example. I have a white cat and a cat of color and am a cat dad to a black and white cat. This post is more about our culture of fear and the effect it has on being an artist. I believe if you are creating something you shouldn't have to look over your shoulder. If you are against something, cool, but make sure that it is because of passion and not pats on the back, social media "likes", or because you feel you have to. "Don't Dream It, Be It." That was from Rocky Horror, which was remade a year ago and bombed. Now onto the bonus content

-Metro's Revue of "Joker"-
Well, I liked it. It was original, well-made, and kept my attention without pandering to me.Joaquin Phoenix knocked it out of the park. Be advised, this is not a cookie cutter comic book/superhero movie but more of a drama/character study. I truly believe it is this generation's "Taxi Driver". A few people walked out I noticed, probably to go sneak into something "safe". It was a little slow in the middle section, but overall was a tremendous movie. Nicholson and Ledger's Jokers were more entertaining, but I think Phoenix's performance was more impressive. Nicholson and Ledger benefitted from the "less is more" approach in terms of screen time, but if I'm not mistaken, Phoenix was in nearly every scene of the movie which was risky because the Joker is a character like The Hulk where less is more, but they pulled it off. It is worth a watch especially if you are an adult with a brain. To come full circle, CNN on Twitter just posted a tweet complaining they used a Gary Glitter song in the movie (Vice stole the same story angle). This is what its come to, and I couldn't be more miserable as somebody who feels like he has some semblance of creativity. Another article reports two people were ejected from a Joker screening because of smoking. Its almost as if the media is begging "Please somebody shoot up another theater so we can say I told you so." Fuck off media. Joker 4/5 stars.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro