Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Monday, April 29, 2019

Something Must Have Happened Over Manhattan-A Good Cause Post

Hey all, Metro here with a "Good Cause" post (which means it'll get next to zero hits). Well its half good cause post and half essay. It is tougher and tougher to find things to make fun of locally not because things are better, but because everybody is so boring, so I have turned to making current posts about causes that I and you should be interested in along with essays bordering on nostalgia. The title of this post is one of my favorite random lyrics because it seems so ominous. I like ominous. I like it because it is sometimes challenging to pull off effectively. The New York Dolls did just that (probably by accident) with the opening line from their 1972 song "Frankenstein".

Anyway, back to this being a good cause post. When I was outlining it (yes I handwrite outlines for half of these posts which should infuriate, or galvanize, those that can't stand the writing here), it came down to A) Note the cause, B) Justify said cause for predictable complaints, C) Pinch in some music history, and D) Tie it back to talking about me, because as a writer (and best local journalist in town) I subscribe to the method of writing for yourself and not the audience. If the audience likes it or it causes an opinion or reaction, then that is a bonus. So even though this is a "good cause" post, it really is about me, so lets get that out of the way right away so the eggheads can spare it in the comment section. By the way, that is mild satire about the human nature of wanting to make everything about themselves. I remember visiting the World Trade Center in 199? and not doing the tour due to my fear of heights so I sat in the lobby area taking pictures. I remember taking pictures of random people (not stalking as this was the Empire era) coming and going on the main level escalators. After 9/11, I saw a photo in Time magazine of people rushing down those same escalators, smoke swirling everywhere,  before the towers fell at the exact same angle as my pictures years before. There was the thin thread connection that I needed to insert myself into a story taking place nearly 500 miles away. Something must have happened over Manhattan.

Anyway, back to this being a good cause post. Founding member of the New York Dolls, Sylvain Sylvain has been battling cancer for the past year. I had no idea until a friend sent it to me yesterday morning (without comment or context, quite ominous in its own right). Lets get the important stuff out of the way. There is a GoFundMe set up to help with the medical costs. The goal is $80k and it is currently sitting at around half that. If Electric Six can raise $35k to go on vacation to Europe and scam the IRS, then I have full confidence the goal should be met and probably exceeded. But still I wanted to promote the cause because the Dolls have played a large role in my life as an artist and writer (don't laugh, I'll explain). Here is the link to the GoFundMe for those interested- Cancer is Trash!

Okay, that was "A". On to "B". Yes, there are thousands upon thousands dealing with cancer, with "dealing" being a generous term, and yes they all could use help and well, more help, so if you know anyone dealing with it (or any ailment), don't wait for a Kickstarter to be set up. Sometimes emotional support can go farther than dollars. There are many other worthy funds set up you can/should seek out, most set up by social workers. (For the record, 80% of social workers I have encountered are completely crazy and out of touch with society). I am focusing on this particular case because this is an entertainment, gossip, pop culture, exposing idiots, sometimes shit starting blog, and the person involved happens to be a primary part of a band I would consider my biggest influence. (On to "C").

The New York Dolls are probably my biggest influence as a fake musician and not-fake writer. When they started out they were blasted by critics that they really couldn't play (they kind of could, but that wasn't a priority). It was all about image, creating a story, making a brand. The songs were just garnish, and some of them were really great songs. But what drew me to them was the ideology of style/image/talk over substance. They didn't care about creating the "Great American Single". They wanted to provoke a reaction (I think you can see where I'm going with this). They were more well known for who they were rather than their music (see where I'm going with this?). They weren't about changing the musical landscape (although, ironically, they did), they were just looking for a kiss (and heroin). They never set out to be Rush or King Crimson, both technically amazing and good bands, but who I find boring. The Dolls influenced Kiss, another band slammed by critics for being all gimmick, yet had a decent amount of good songs that were conveniently ignored in the music press, with Rolling Stone being the biggest "hater" because they weren't Yes or Joni Mitchell, both great artists with an amazing catalogue, yet, once again, I find boring. They were so ahead of their time that it took years for Malcolm McLaren to catch on, and eventually ruin them by making them do the Communist gimmick. Johansen went on to have a semi-interesting solo and acting career, Thunders had a semi successful solo career along with the Heartbreakers and an all time classic album with "LAMF" and then date a date with the inevitable in New Orleans. Killer Kane cleaned up and was rewarded with death by leukemia. Jerry Nolan had a stroke and that was that. And Billy Murcia is probably still in a bathtub covered in ice. But Sylvain still kept on with a few solo albums that are no longer available, and after the recent Dolls reunion last decade, kept a steady touring schedule, and even released a book "There Are No Bones in Ice Cream". Lets close with "D".

If I were to be asked by a local journalist other than myself who is my main influence in the music realm, I would answer, the New York Dolls. Even though it was Guns N Roses (ironically the 80's scene was greatly influenced by the Dolls) that made me want to pick up a guitar only to find out that "this was tough; I can't play", it was Johnny Thunders and Sylvain's riffs on Personality Crisis, Trash, Human Being, and Vietnamese Baby that helped me get passed the fact that I'd never be Slash, but I could be serviceable (the irony being I played guitar only once with JCM, ironically our final show). The JCM regularly covered Chatterbox in our early years with -jr usually missing the correct chord, but it didn't matter. Three of my twelve tattoos are Dolls related (LAMF, Born To Lose, and the Thunders "Too fast to live, too young to die" cross, which ironically, now is starting to fade).

I understand this post is scattershot with nostalgia, stories, and a current, present situation. So lets tie it all together in a nice blue bow. Dude is sick. Dude influenced me. Dude is fighting. I met Syl twice, once hanging out downtown, and he was the coolest, sweetest guy. I also saw him at Smalls with Cheetah Chrome where MotorCityBlog errantly commissioned me to cover it and the piece turned into a half fiction phantasmagorical fever dream where my photographer (I was alone at the actual show) was cocooned into a web on the ceiling and ultimately the piece was published, most likely because they shelled out for the ticket. I also saw the Dolls, for the first time, in New York, at the Little Steven Garage Fest that one year on an island that started with an R. I remember the Dolls going on before the Strokes, and the Strokes getting booed by the local crowd after. The Stooges closed the night, and were good and fun but I felt I'd had enough and left early. In a fun aside, several local "entitled" bands at the time were pissed off that they were left off/not invited (the Paybacks did play and were traditionally boring), and I think I saw Danny Muggs wandering around, may have even said hello (this was years before JCM). And to come full circle (for the ?? time), a local institution The Dirtbombs titled one of their records "If You Don't Already Have A Look" based on the response they received because they weren't playing the Fest. You see where I am going with this? You'd have to be blind to not recognize that image really does matter. A persona really does matter. That is the legacy of the Dolls, and reinforces what I said 11 years ago on this blog that sometimes the music doesn't matter; just garnish. Lets get on point here, and once again here is the link to the Cancer GoFundMe- Maybe get a Look

That's it for now. This is basically raising awareness about a situation (that will not be deleted suspiciously by any Fish Eyes out there doing the same) (that was for the Constant Readers) along with a semi-essay that actually delves into music journalism. Jesus, I'm getting old.

Good call by Nolan covering Thunders' swastika.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, April 25, 2019

This Is The Stupidist Thing I've Seen This Year

Hey all, Metro here. Its a cloudy day at the house by the beach so I decided to hop online and check out the headlines. One of the first I saw made me regret my decision immediately. I found an article on Buzzfeed. Wait wait, yes I know, they are on their last legs much so like the Metro Times, and I initially thought it was satire about the state of our culture in 2019, and a chill washed over me when I realized that it wasn't. The article centered around a black man who was vindicated by....finding a band aid with his skin tone. He is 45 years old. I can't imagine the trauma of not being able to find a band aid so inclusive must have felt. I guess I will have to wait for the inevitable book to come out so that I too can feel the non-inclusive pain of GETTING A CUT ON YOUR FUCKING PINKIE FINGER. Jesus Christ, man (or whatever denomination you are, to be fair).

This is at the point of absurdity. The reason why Trump won the election is because the people who were for Hillary were conditioned (misinformed) by the media that she was a lock so there was no need to actually, y'know, vote. That's a fact Jack. (Full disclosure, I voted for neither). I just find it absurd that a semi-major site would consider this a major story when there are so many other, more worthy, stories to write about. Anyway, here is the article:
Got stung by a bee...

Yes, that is an actual article. Of course I always gravitate toward the "money angle" and lets not notice that the "Tru-Color" bandages are priced higher than regular bandages. So is everybody paying a premium based on the color of a band-aid that will be discarded in a day? So, do you want to pay more to make yourself feel better inside at the cost of making yourself feel better outside? Nobody had even considered this before the media-slut featured in the article hopped on social media and was subsequently prostituted by Buzzfeed as click-bait. Before today, I had never seen a single person calling about change in band aids. Housing? Yes. Treatment by police? You betcha. Unemployment? Mmmhmmm. But never once about GOD DAMN BAND AIDS! Here is a glorious comment from the article feed, and very very typical.

There is so much to debate, criticize, celebrate, enjoy, once more with feeling, enjoy than talking about band aids. I didn't research the dude in question, or if he even exists (a very real possibility in 2019) but I am impressed with the coverage he is getting because of this (don't bother with his Twitter, its what you would expect). A 45 year old media manufactured man-child finding salvation via a band aid. Completely manufactured, mildly obvious. So what's the next step? Does Tru-Color expand and have their product available in local pharmacies/markets (never mind they are at Target), or do they still need them to be ordered online from a demographic that is often seen as looking for secure housing? What if they get a deal with a CVS and I go to Aisle 11 for some bandages for an unfortunate incident involving the girl I met at Powertools yesterday and am inundated with the First Aid White, Black, Mexican, Muslim, and Canadian White, Black, Mexican, Muslim, etc. Not to mention the money I will have to spend talking to my therapist, Dr. Nova, explaining how I am damaged because I am very light skinned white and having to wear a beige to orange tinted bandaid in my youth while having to look over my shoulder walking home from school for cops thinking I was just another Mexican in Southwest Detroit. And if we start having specific products for specific demographics in their own sections at stores separate from others (already happened with black hair care and Asian spices separate from the other spices) is that really inclusiveness or is it the reappearance of segregation? Or maybe I'm just overreacting about an article about somebody overreacting about a band aid. #2019 #generationwuss #cultoflikability

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Notes From the Beach and a Pop Culture List

"How can it be that and not Pulp Fiction?"

I have been asked this about three times already and it has been hovering around 72 degrees at the house by the beach and I am in an Ativan induced haze at the pool, of course, and everybody is arguing about pop culture, its direction in 2019, but mostly movies, the media, the weather, more media, social media, news outlets, what happened, and more importantly who were the three people who unfollowed me, more social media, but it doesn't really affect me that much because in addition to the Ativan I have been on a steady diet of unprescribed Darvocet that I got from Jaimie last week, and its April in California and I'm just hanging out with some of the regulars at the house by the beach. I'm in such a coma that I don't even know which house by the beach I'm at. Obviously not the one that burned down years ago, nor is it the one that Trent's dad is renting out to Bobby so he can host dinner parties for the Iranians who managed to get visas. I'm sure its not the one with the pool with a taste for blood because April, who I slept with last night, was in the pool earlier and was not vaporized by a sudden, toxic, surge in the water's temperature or consumed by a certain mischievous water filter. After blocking out the arguing about who had the more consistent career, Meg Ryan or Uma Thurman, which has been going on for the past five minutes, I realized that we were at the house by the beach with the killer kite.

Every now and then there is this kite that shows up and just hovers over the yard. There really is no time frame for when it appears but it usually is an omen, a signal, of bad times coming. It started casually enough with the birds and squirrels left on the deck. We designated Matt for cleanup duty and he always made note of the kite flying overhead. Sometimes he said if the sun was right the kite seemed to wink at him, but we never could verify that because Matt was always smoking cheap pot bought from Isiah in Encino. Last week Scott went outside to the storage unit to get some flashdrives that needed to be destroyed and saw the kite on Carl's face, smothering him, as he was asleep at the pool on a Klonopin binge. We managed to pry the kite from his face and get him to the hospital and he died two days later and we all questioned ourselves for sending him the balloons.

However, the kite has not been seen today and we are all out at the pool arguing about movies, the media, pop culture, and it all started when Lance and Scott were having dramatic meltdowns about Marvel's decision to have more "inclusive" and "body positive" heroes in their future movies which scared them as they both work in the film industry and their jobs could be in jeopardy. While they were debating this Trent quickly designed a fake (I think) photo of the next Superhero to further enrage them. Here is the pic.

They both realized that that character wouldn't fly (pun intended) with mainstream America and we spent the next twenty minutes cackling and high fiving trying to come up with a name for the character and we ultimately decided on "Super Sadie". The conversation soon turned to the ranking of all of Quentin Tarantino's films. In addition to me at the pool, there is Trent, Scott the sound guy and sometimes "key grip", Amy (who has been asleep), Matt, Oakley our African American personal trainer, Lance the Hollywood sneak, Ed who only eats potatoes and was once in the hospital because of it, Samantha a total tease that I can't stand, Clip who may or may not be dating Matt but does it matter, Duke a black queer who is still in the closet which makes zero sense in 2019 and is trying to start a hip hop career under the name "Precious Garbanzo" Keith who is an actor but only on tv, and Carlos, who is monitoring the perimeter and was hired solely to keep an eye out for the kite.

(For the newer readers lets slowly slide down and transition to the list)

The movie dialogue, specifically the need for the Tarantino list, started when Trent went on a semi-racist, though not completely wrong, tirade about how so many mediocre people are exempt from criticism today. He cited Danny Glover (although I think he meant Donald) and Jordan Peele. He also mentioned Tarantino which set off a firestorm of opinion (the concept of having an opinion is still allowed at the house by the beach), so we all decided to rank Tarantino's movies, but only after a brief debate where Matt pointed out that a lot of his characters were "white saviors" with Bruce Willis saving Marsellus from being anally raped in Pulp Fiction, Robert Forster's bailbondsman helping Pam Grier in Jackie Brown, and Dr. Schultz saving and ultimately freeing Django in Django Unchained. Those, all decent points, but I did point out that the black projectionist in Inglourious Basterds who set the theater on fire and ultimately killed the entire Nazi Party was a slight exception. After Scott was mocked and eventually sent to the perimeter for kite duty and Carlos promoted to the pool area, we all began our lists (except for Keith, who actually can't read). So, here is my list. I have to emphasize that the list is not meant to rank by what I feel are the best, but those that I enjoy the most. This list could, and probably will, change tomorrow. That's what is so fucking cool about opinions. Try having one and not being blocked. Its a blast. Its even better if you are blocked or unfollowed because it lends a kernel that you were right. This is the game that moves as you play.

Metro's Tarantino Movie Rankings
Honorable Mentions-

From Dusk Till Dawn- Yes, he didn't direct it, but he did write it. It is the perfect crime/horror hybrid. I do think it loses some steam after most of the colorful supporting characters are killed off, but I had a blast with it. I remember renting it the day it came out on VHS and watched it twice, the second time inviting friends over. And remember, psychos don't explode in sunlight. I don't care how fucking crazy they are.

Natural Born Killers- I know he doesn't care for this because of Oliver Stone's typical heavy-handed direction, yet this is still infinitely entertaining and re-watchable and quotable and one of Stone's better movies with a decent still relevant commentary on the media. And remember, after I'm done with this list you won't see my face for an hour.

True Romance- My favorite non-directed script. Vivid, memorable, dynamic characters and chemistry. A close to flawless movie thanks to Slater, Arquette, Oldman, Hopper, Walken, Gandolfini, Saul, Rapaport, Pitt,and Pinchot. What an amazing cast at the top of their game. It was perfectly paced with scenes almost seeming like vignettes but still told in a linear form. And remember, you may be an eggplant, but I'm a cantaloupe.

The List-
9. Jackie Brown- Yeah, I went the snob route and picked what many (other) snobs consider his "best" movie. Yes, it is a great movie with great performances from Pam Grier and Robert Forster, but its just, eh, a great movie. I like the banter between Sam Jackson and DeNiro and Bridget Fonda has never been hotter. And remember, a good cop will never let you know he knows you're full of shit.

8. Hateful Eight- See what I did there? I enjoyed it and loved the 70mm roadshow with the programs presentation. The best (or favorite) part was seeing Ennio Morricone getting his first composing Oscar after a life of iconic scores. I've cooled on it as it did seem bloated and not as rewatchable as some of his other movies, along with not being as quotable. Still I enjoyed it, especially during my favorite movie experience of 2015/16 watching the unedited version at Cinema Detroit which had suffered an unfortunate heat outage in winter yet still showed the film, the millennial version of The Tingler or Smell-o-Vision. And remember, I know what he is. He's a …...lets move on here.

7. Death Proof- Yes, I know, most will rank this at number 9 (Trent had it as his number 1), but the soundtrack makes it for me. Well that and Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, and the kinda dumpy but very much hot Italian girl, Butterfly. This is Tarantino's least favorite of his movies, but I think it completely captured the spirit of Grindhouse Cinema. Rodriguez's Planet Terror (which I also enjoyed) was balls to the wall from start to end but this was more traditional Grindhouse, that being a feature length film with crazy violence at times but fleshed out with a whole lot of nothin'. And remember, I'm good like that.

6. Kill Bill Vol. 1- This may come as a shocker as most prefer this volume, but I actually prefer Vol. 2. With no doubt, this is a great movie that cleverly blends genres including drama, anime, kung fu, and it delivers an iconic final act. That said, it didn't feel organic with me. Still it was different at the time and introduced a lot of the semi-lobotomized casual movie-goers to something they might want to pursue but probably won't. I think Vivica Fox was wasted but he did a good job at building Lucy Liu as the final boss, especially with her anime backstory. Plus Gogo. C'mon. And remember, Trix are for kids.

5. Reservoir Dogs- His first major feature and it sort of shows at times, but he absolutely nailed the cast (a common thread). Great film, decently paced, some stuff stolen from movies nobody will ever see which is cool, I guess, with a great soundtrack dj'ed by Steven Wright. Its tough to nail the concept of the "iconic scene" in your debut but I think he did with the Michael Madsen "ear" scene. Helped launch the careers of Steve Buscemi and Tim Roth along with reminding people Harvey Keitel was still around. And remember, Don't give me that. If she don't make enough money, she can quit. Too soon?

4. Kill Bill Vol. 2- This actually could be #1 depending on the day and how recently I have watched it. Career best performances from David Carradine and Michael Madsen and a great moody score, most of which is borrowed from Morricone. Is Vol. 1 was drama, anime, and kung fu, this chapter was part western, coming of age tale, and even horror with the buried alive sequence. I'm to this day, still miffed that Carradine was not nominated for an Oscar, and also curious what the movie would have been if Warren Beatty accepted the role of Bill (he declined, but recommended Carradine). And remember, Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race.

3. Pulp Fiction- The film that put him on the map. One of his most rewatchable films (a criteria I always consider in my lists). Minted and revitalized numerous actors and bred Travolta accepting every script sent his way leading to a slew of sappy 90's glop, which is partially why I didn't slate it as #1. Still, the iconic scenes are iconic; the OD, the rape, the accidental murder, whatever happened to Chewie Rocky Horror? This made him a famous face, and ultimately resulted in writers block for years. Yeah, good enough for #3. And remember, Buddy Holly isn't that good of a waiter.

2. Inglourious Basterds- This was the start of his revisionist history phase (which may be continued with this year's Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, my most anticipated movie of the year). As I said in my disclaimer earlier, I only emphasize "favorite" on my lists, but this is probably his best movie. He'll actually tell you when you watch the final scene. I'm a nut for WW2 stuff and this picture captured the era perfectly. Everybody expected a balls-out Expendables type Dirty Dozen movie starring Brad Pitt, and were surprised (some disappointed) that it centered around a theater and its owner, utilized five languages (thanks Waltz), was beautifully shot, and had a very clever out of nowhere Bowie song to signal that we are moving into fiction territory. I don't have any faults with this movie, and probably should be #1. And remember, that's a bingo!

1. Django Unchained- Number 1 and 2 could easily be switched based on the day of the week (or which I have watched recently). This actually reminded me of his From Dusk Till Dawn screenplay in that it was basically two separate movies with the first half a pseudo-buddy comedy against the backdrop of slavery of course, and the second half a dour peek into the dark side of people at that time. Both halves work and the audience gets a great catharsis at the end, and my lone gripe is the final scene when Jamie Foxx goes from playing the character of Django to basically playing Jamie Foxx. As I said, numbers 1 and 2 could have been a tie, but I went with Django today because it closes with the theme from the Terence Hill "Trinity" movies. And remember, I don't know what positive means.

So that's it. My Tarantino list that has been brewing for almost a year. I can do one for any actor, director, anybody. Want a Tom Cruise list? Scorsese or Hitchcock could be a challenge. Tom Hanks would be an interesting subject and a challenge. Kubrick would be a lot of fun. But the reality is that (not a prediction but a spoiler), you probably would have no interest in it. For those that do (and can read), thanks for reading!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Time For A Break

Hey all, Metro here. A few posts ago I made the point/request of somebody to give me something to write about, and really didn't get a lot of feedback, which is understandable because there really isn't anything going on in the local scene or pop culture that is worth talking about in April of 2019. I don't want to have to force posts about stuff I really don't care about (and even worse, the Constant Readers won't care about), or have to rely on local retards posting idiocy online that nobody cares about either.

So I have decided to take a well deserved vacation for the immediate future. Of course, if something comes up that has juice and I can roll with, then I may do a pop-up post, or a sports preview, but until then I'm out for a bit. Everything just seems boring at the moment so why try to spin it into something interesting? So, I'm taking a vacation, or as local acts call it, "a tour". That's one thing that has always bothered me. Whenever a local act goes on "tour" it is basically a glorified vacation with a few shows at local pubs peppered in. Sisters of Sunshine did it decent by actually going through Europe, as did Electric Six, although they needed 16 GoFundMe's to do so. But, the Whiskey Charmers going to the musical mecca of South Carolina or Caveman and Ass-Eyes doing a pop-up show for 4 people in Washington DC..... nahhh, that's a vacation.  Don't get me wrong, I did the same thing back in 2010 when I visited old haunts in New York and did spoken word events of my soon to be published debut novel, but make no mistake. It was a vacation. And that's what I'm doing right now. So if you happen to see me denied a withdrawal at the Bank of America in Sherman Oaks, CA, or find me waking up (at 11am) on the steps of a tattoo joint on St. Mark's Place in NYC, or in the "Red Room" in Montreal, don't hesitate to say hello. But, I'm bored, and I'm stepping out. Reading, writing, and away from most people.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Bryan Metro is White

Hey all, Metro here. Its 2019 and I still believe in books. The thought may come across as naïve (it is), but there still is a little thrill actually possessing something in print, a physical copy. The cynical side of me believes that, aside from the yearly Young Adult fad that will ultimately be made into a movie that, ironically, nobody will see, the art of print is dead (it is). It started with the magazine section. The internet, along with the cost of production and declining sales, doomed the magazines. I remember in 2000 skipping a college Economics class to drink and check out the latest Maxim or FHM for doffs. I remember those magazines weighing almost as much as my Economics textbook. Today, your average issue of Rolling Stone is the size of a Kroger ad.

I knew the same thing would happen with books eventually, and to some degree it has. Every year there seems to be one or two wide-release novels that hop on the Blaine the Mono hype train and do well, very well, with a movie deal set in place before it even comes out. And then there are hundreds of those that nobody will see. Much of it has to do with the media, especially social media, but some of it has to do with apathy. I can imagine a writer thinking "why bother?" because the majority of the public doesn't care about print media anymore and is perfectly fine getting their news (and fiction) from the internet. I'm not exaggerating when I say it really broke my heart when I started seeing book stores closing left and right, supermarket book areas reduced not to an aisle, but a quarter of an aisle, and it reminded me of when the video stores started closing, and the CD stores started closing. The Internet can be a really fun place with instant news, instant leaked photos, instant everything. I mean its done good for me. I have a blog read by thousands of Constant Readers. I no longer have to wait a month for the next issue of "Celebrity Sleuth". I don't have to leave the JCMsTown Compound's bedroom to check on the score of the game. Pretty good deal. However, the Internet has also contributed to killing a lot of the fun, unique experiences that people have enjoyed, along with introducing me to a whole bunch of toxic individuals that I wish I never knew about.

Maybe I'm leaning very heavy on age and nostalgia here, but an entire generation will never know the fun, anticipation, and bonding with strangers while standing outside, in the rain, at a Harmony House waiting to get tickets to a Black Sabbath show, and this was when Ozzy wasn't even with them. Why go to a movie theater when you can just download it, sometimes a week before the release? (Although the quality of movies these days doesn't help, but that's an essay for another day). I remember counting the days until one of my favorite author's latest book came out and using my lunch break to go to a book store and get it. These days its all about instant gratification. The brokers have your tickets already, wrapped in a nice blue bow. Just click. The torrent sites have the movie you want right now. Just click. Don't have the time to grab the latest hit novel in print form and prefer to read it on your phone? Just click. You missed that one movie you wanted to see in the theater and don't want to wait until it comes to the video store or Netflix? Just click. Its the equivalent of a 10 second hand job. Sure its a blast, but what about the romance of hanging out with a girl (or guy, or tran, Its 2019), starting out with a kiss, then next date more kisses, third date another kiss, next date doffed top, fifth date now the handjob. Sure, a crude analogy, but the point being that sometimes the build is important and enhances the experience.

Of course I'm coming off a little old, a tad bitter, and minorly depressed, but some of my best memories are pre-internet, well pre-Fappening I should say. That is why I was so excited when the mail came today and I got my final Christmas gift from a good friend, the new Bret Easton Ellis novel "White", his first nonfiction, an actual book, with pages, and a First Edition. If I ever set up that webcam so everybody can watch me have daily morning panic attacks, you would see the bedroom office covered in books. I love them. I am very excited to dive into this one and forget about the internet, and the idiots that it breeds, even if it just for a day or two. For a split second I had that jolt of way back when, at the Harmony House, at the Borders, at the Blockbuster, that jolt of giddiness of something new, something I could touch. (The irony is the book was delivered by Amazon). I know this comes across as a holier than thou post that you would see from somebody who has just quit drinking and is judgemental without being judgemental, but for a very brief minute I forgot about all of the bullshit I see everywhere and was just excited for an escape, which is what art is supposed to provide. So that's about it for this week's post. I'm about to go read a book. And have fun doing it. Try it (you know who you are). Thanks for reading this internet blog Constant Readers.

Reading a book would be so much helpful for all off our psyches rather than logging on to the internet and seeing the same old crap like this every day. Completely, and utterly depressing how a city and a bunch of nobodies can cannibalize themselves so much without offering any source or opinion on improvement.

Hmmmmm, shit on their own community for clout. ….K Den.  Can't wait to have a civil dialogue about this paragon of hypocrisy the next time I don't attend a show at St. Andrews.
This is what I wake up to every day and just want to go back to sleep. I see Duncan's and Ashlee's every single day. "Can somebody, can somebody, can somebody?" yet if they are so passionate about it why don't they take it upon themselves to do something? Nah, "can somebody, can somebody, somebody else". Pathetic, lazy, and completely Generation Wuss. Can Eleanor provide any solutions aside from SCREAMING (on the internet), "DO NOT LISTEN TO SOMEBODY'S OPINION!"? I'm sure many of you go through this every single day, along with regretting logging on. Such is life in 2019. Deal with it, rock and roll.

Becauuuuuuussssssseeeeeeee its public domain, public domain, public domain, stop whining, public domain, freedom of speech, public domain. There, I saved ya a google search regarding public posts, public domain, public ….

Yeah....a very public cry to be "stopped". From what, voicing my opinion? "He has been fixating on my whereabouts". Ummmm no. You're a nobody. I don't care about anybody's whereabouts because its irrelevant. I am just here to point out the idiocy in the local scene, but you did a very stellar job doing my job for me. All you have to know about this half-wit is my last screencap.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, April 12, 2019

State of the Blog Address

Hey all, Metro here. I find it very sad that every now and then, I have to re-post the policy of this blog. Alright, lets get to it:

If you find anything posted here offensive, or containing mistakes, please contact me at bryanmetro1@hotmail.com and I will remove it, and offer a public or private apology.

I first posted this policy in early 2017. Once again, 2017. I reposted it in February of 2019. There actually have been quite a few who have contacted me to remove content on the site and I have obliged (and apologized) every time.

This blog of mine has many functions. Some days I want to talk sports. Some days, its a movie list. Many days, making fun of your/local bands. Other days, focusing on the local community, its establishments, and the internet nutsos, which no other local site actually covers. Yes, sometimes I use screenshots of public, I stress public, social media posts to spark needed dialogue because you won't find it on Facebook because everybody gets blocked immediately. This blog offers an opportunity for all voices to be heard. I firmly believe in Freedom of Speech along with everybody's god given right to post it online. If I happen to disagree, then I have that equal right to make my points on this blog, which I may add, you have to actually click on to read. If you read the blog and are hurt, confused, or regret what you said online, I can understand. And, of course, if you are offended by anything I say, I will remove it upon request. Don't get me wrong, I often get hurt, or even worse, threatened for my opinions, and I accept that as part of being the best local journalist in town. Here is an example:

Fyi- Logan and Audre are the same person, who also has/had multiple accounts, and I'm the bad guy. Nahhhh, I'm the guy with the death threat/public assault screenshots.

What the majority of people don't realize is that public social media is just that, public. Once some goof posts some ill advised rant looking for likes it becomes public domain. I've had posts of mine from this blog shared which led to death threats, but I understand the name of the game. My public social media is pictures of cats and what was on this morning's Patty Winters Show. If the very much public posts I see I find amusing/absurd enough, I may include it in a future post, which is completely legal (I checked). Once again, I am all for freedom of speech no matter how idiotic it is, but if it is exceptionally idiotic, I may riff on it. It really is that simple.

I highly encourage you to read the following interview with my favorite writer Bret Easton Ellis where he discusses similar themes.  Here is the link:   People vs. Bryan Metro
If you're too lazy, dejected, or heaven forbid, can't read....well, then why are you here clicking on my site?   Oh, I updated the Raconteurs post as the price gouging has begun!!!!!!

From the Iceman Commeth
Bryan Metro

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Metro's NBA Playoff Preview

Hey all, Metro here. Its the changing of the season in the sports world. March Madness is in the books. WrestleMania is over (I never thought it would end). The NHL and NBA regular seasons wrapped up this week. I actually attended the last Wings home game of the season despite being in extreme pain. It was fan appreciation night and I got a really cool Red Wings tote bag. They lost 7-1. Dammit. And baseball season is in full swing!

I was planning on doing a duel NHL/NBA playoff prevue, but since the NHL rearranges the brackets after every round, that would be too much hassle. Also, considering most of my Constant Readers are black, I figured a fleshed out NBA playoff preview would be better. Ah fuck, I apologize for the inconsideration directed towards the black Constant Readers. The NHL stands for National Hockey League, for the sport of hockey. I'm sorry if there was any confusion. Okie dokie, lets get started!

Eastern Conference-
Round One-
Milwaukee vs. Detroit- Detroit earned their first playoff berth in years on the last day of the season and they are matched up with the best team in the East with a probable MVP in the Greek Freak. Most are predicting a Bucks sweep, but I think the Pistons take one game, probably Game 3, the first playoff game at the new arena for any team. Not a prediction, but a spoiler. The arena will be 75% full.
Winner- Milwaukee

Boston vs. Indiana- If any of the East first round series goes seven games, its this one. Both teams are evenly matched depth-wise, although Boston has more pure talent, but Indy is missing their best player, Boston has one of the best coaches, and Boston has home court. I'm going with...
Winner- Boston

Philly vs. Brooklyn- I'm used to seeing Brooklyn sucking, so its surprising to see them as a six seed. Then again, its the East, and I think the second best starting five in the league are just going to roll them.
Winner- Philly

Toronto vs. Orlando- The least "sexy" match-up of the first round. Toronto has a great fan base, but nobody cares about them in the U S of A. Orlando....nobody cares. Give me the better team.
Winner- Toronto

Round Two-
Milwaukee vs. Boston- If this was the Boston team from last year, I would lean towards an upset here. I do think this series will be close, but I feel the Bucks squeak out in 6 games (with the Boston crowd booing).
Winner- Milwaukee

Philly vs. Toronto- This is another tough one to call. Toronto usually stumbles in this round, and they are playing a team with a lot of young talent. I may be the only person who thinks that Philly is actually overrated and going with Toronto.
Winner- Toronto

Eastern Finals-
Milwaukee vs. Toronto- This is where Toronto hits the wall. Bucks in 5.
Winner- Milwaukee

Western Conference-
Round One-
Golden State vs. LA Clippers- I have no idea who is playing on LA. They have a good coach in Doc Rivers, but they're getting swept here.
Winner- Golden State

Houston vs. Utah- Houston has MVP candidate/Foul Magnet James Harden and premiere point guard/Injury Magnet Chris Paul. Utah has a sneaky good team with great defense. I can see this going 6 or 7 games.
Winner- Houston

Portland vs. Oklahoma City- I think this series comes down to if Russell Westbrook stays on his meds. Both teams had good years so this could go either way. This would be my seven game pick in the West. I think Paul George is the deciding factor so...
Winner- OKC

Denver vs. San Antonio- Everybody is picking this for their upset special, with Denver being the most vulnerable higher seed, but I'm not taking the bait. Pop is one of the greatest coaches of all time, but I think Denver is too balanced. This series will be a grind and a treat for lovers of defense.
Winner- Denver

Round Two-
Golden State vs. Houston- Here it is! My playoff upset special. I think Houston wins this. No analysis, just a gut feeling. Of course, there is the caveat regarding injuries, Chris Paul I'm looking at you. Plus with the Lakers trading LeBron next year, they can have a dynasty. I was just kidding there. Just a prediction, not a spoiler.
Winner- Houston

OKC vs. Denver- Offense vs. Defense. Defense usually wins out. Ehhhh, not this time.
Winner- OKC

Western Finals-
Houston vs. OKC- Great! Two teams comprised of some of my least liked, overrated players. Unless Paul George turns into Jordan, this won't be close. Houston in 5.

The NBA Finals!-
Milwaukee vs. Houston- After years of playoff disappointment, Alex Ovechkin finally won the big one, cementing himself as one of the all time greats in hockey (that's the game played on ice Constant Readers). I think this is the year for Chris Paul. I wouldn't be surprised if Milwaukee won in 5, but I think Houston takes it in 6. Giannis wins the regular season MVP, and Harden wins Finals MVP. Vince McMahon on line 1.

That's it for my NBA Playoff Preview. I did have a few variations of my picks, and there are big money contests for picking the correct winners, so if you are still on the fence, feel free to comment, message, or e-mail me, and we can sort it out. But, even though I have love for everybody who reads, don't ask me for shit unless you are black. Yeah, I said it. However this doesn't apply to the Constant Readers who are actually my friends. Scratch that, close friends. I am not in a position to offer much, but I can offer my knowledge and insight into basketball with my readers. Why? Because you can't rely on anybody else for these picks. Imagine calling yourself a basketball insider while knowingly giving your coins to racist business owners in a mostly black city. I almost used a "?" there, but thankfully realized that it wasn't a question. Also, acknowledge the part all of you play in gentrification? I included the "?" there for funny, fun, fun laughs. All of you hanger-ons can do the entire world, and especially the environment, a good deed by being more aware of all the pollution we are just pumping into the air (and internet), along with advocating one community, with no restrictions for any race, sex, gender, race, age, race, tax bracket, whether you prefer cats or dogs, sickness, health, and race. This is in our hands and if we need to better the world with zero hate or bigotry, that time is NOW. We need to stop relying on other countries and start relying on ourselves. We need to stop being fickle about the latest casual invasion from that one country on that other one and focus more on the invasions of the underdeveloped neighborhoods right around you! We need to let them sit and rot because we need to show the blight in this city and how nobody will step up to try to correct it, and if anybody does then people will complain, quit their jobs, and we go back to looking for handouts. I know living in Detroit looks good on your edgy resume, but if setting up a GoFundMe because you quit your own job, or some crusty band plays at a venue you work at is more important to you than black people, then...this might not be the city for you. Oh wait, I forgot the "Lol". One more time, "Lol". Okay, once more with feeling, "Lol". You can be absolutely racist in power in Wayne County (If I said "peace" it could be considered offensive, and maybe even a threat).

Whew, sorry for the rant, and I understand some of the Constant Readers may be confused. Here are a few public screencaps, posted publicly to provide perspective. Yes, these are real people, and once again, per my 2019 resolution, I am being very kind here.

So remember, instead of voicing your opinion, "just shut the fuck up" is the message I'm getting from these paragons (Google it Jabba) of virtue. Fair enough. And with that, I say, "Nope".

Enjoy the Playoffs!!
From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

The Raconteurs and the Lost Art of Selling a Ticket

*Updated at the end with the madness beginning.

Hey all Metro here. I (1)...just kidding. I really have been struggling to come up with content for the site. This is the Bone Season I guess. I guess I could do a WrestleMania review just only 10% of the Constant Readers would care. So I guess (3 I guesses) I'll just give a heads up of a must see show coming to town in the coming months. The reunion that about seven people were clamoring for, The Raconteurs. I have included the flyer up there ^

Okay, first off, what the hell is that on the far right? Is that Brendan Benson? Talk about aging badly (like his solo stuff). Dude looks like John Fogerty with a tapeworm (could've been much meaner there). I'm sorry, but I really don't have anything to write about. Tickets for this sure to be sold out (cough) show go on sale Friday April 12th, but there are a few pre-sales going on and the secondary market is already heating up with people paying way over face value to ensure they have a seat at this must see show that will ultimately be forgettable. Right now face value is at $45 to $80 not including fees. Fees are okay, but cell phones, once again are not, so you're looking at around 60-100 bucks at face value. Right now, the $45 seats are going for $70-80 with some balcony seats going from $100 to $250.

Whoa whoa whoa, don't give up just yet. The secondary market is like the stock market, where brokers sell high early and then the prices fall. I had two tickets ($39.50 ea. plus fees) to the Jack White solo show last year. Paid about $100 total from the official pre-sale. That week they were going for $117 on the secondary market. A month later I saw it dip to $55. I told my assistant to sell them. So it turned into a $10 profit. The week of the show, they were at $9. That's a $40 loss, especially for brokers who bought up entire rows. Now the Masonic is obviously smaller than Little Pizza Arena so it could wind up being different, and the prices will probably stay high but plateau, especially since nobody cares about the Raconteurs since 2008, so I'd stay away from the secondary market for at least a cuppa weeks.

If you absolutely need tickets this week I would look into the pre-sale, where they usually only release the high end tickets. The cheaper seats are usually scooped up by the brokers. I reached out to my ticket contact at Tapped Out Wrestling Podcasts to get the pre-sale codes and was messaged back "Eat Shit" and "I'll See You In Hell", so from what I could interpret from that is the pre-sale codes for this show are "Eat Shit" and "I'll See You In Hell". There is also an American Express pre-sale but since I loaned my card out to Deastro and he blocked me, that's a dead end for me. Good luck if you really want to go.

Now I know this post may come across as mildly crabby and/or negative, and that my time would be better spent going to Nashville and trying to starfuck somebody/anybody at Third Man Records (for what gain? I have no clue), and only end up talking to a few record pressers, not buying any records, and a cashier or two, but instead I'm just trying to get the word out about a possibly fun show that, not a prediction, but a spoiler, could turn out to be pretty boring.

Keep in mind you could save that $80 (including fees) and miss this snoozefest and take 70 of it (including fees) to attend the 1st Ever Ferndale Spring Fever and see multiple has-beens over three days instead of 1 has-been in one evening. By the way, I guess I'll be doing a standard preview of Spring Fever in a week or so (I honestly forgot when it was), or you could maximize your money and visit some new local venues like the 510 in the Hazel Park area who is now open and hosts unique local shows along with giving local artists a place to show their work. Think MOCAD, but without the politics. But if you are on a budget, as many of us are, and would prefer to attend the Raconteurs show remember, Eat Shit and I'll See You In Hell.

*Update- It has already started. Look at this screencap from the (public) event page.

Okay, and here is the official Masonic website.

Okay, I'm assuming this person spent above face value for those tickets via resale (which still does provide a receipt). The obvious question is "Why?". Okay, the next obvious question is $149 X 4 is $600. So you've already spent $600 and then went and got General Admission "lower bowl" tickets. If anybody has been to the lower bowl at the Masonic I have $149 for you. I'm assuming they meant main floor, but still. I looked at the resale market and that means this person spent nearly $1000 for 8 tickets for the Raconteurs, and needs to unload 4 of them. Not a prediction, but a spoiler, that isn't going to happen. Something doesn't seem right there. Eh, logic, fuck it, who cares anyway?

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, April 5, 2019

JCM Remembers

Hey all, Metro (1) here. Now one thing I (2) absolutely hate is coming in second place. I (3) consider myself (4) to be primarily a satirical writer, with the occasional sports picks, but am often misinterpreted as a cynical, miserable, racist, misogynistic, hack. All of which are not true (okay, maybe a hack at times). Hell, I (5) had to google search how to spell "misogynistic". But the fact is, I (6) can be quite narcissistic, which is why I (7) am writing this post. You may be wondering, "Why the numbers? That's not my (8) writing style". This goes back to my (9) original statement of coming in second place. There is no way I (10) would allow myself (11) to come in second place for the Most Self-Centered Blog Post of the Week. I (12) will quit with the numbers now because it has to be a chore to read, but will have a final tally at the end of the post.
*The director switches from black & white to color*

I really debated whether or not to even post this write up because I really have spent the last few months trying to be more positive, and this kind of nitpicky post dips its toes back into the "Evil, mean, Metro" pond. But it really kind of annoyed me.

I try to keep up to date with whatever resembles local journalism these days, and an article landed on my desk the other day that rubbed me the wrong way, despite possibly having the best intentions. My initial reaction was nausea, but that could have been because of too much red pepper on the evening tacos. The post was regarding the benefit for a local musician going through health issues. I think.... I honestly don't know what it was about. Here, take a minute to read it.

Now that thing was all over the place. Personal introspection, nostalgia, non-coverage of a local show, a diabetes-inducing coda. Was this a LiveJournal post? I wasn't able to attend the actual event because of the pending death threats and threats/offers of physical harm, along with my family being contacted and harassed, but I did find other ways to contribute by promoting the event weeks in advance so people could plan for it (FYI, Hip In Detroit linked it the day before; good people there). I also included the GoFundMe link for those, like me, who couldn't attend in person. Hey, you can still donate! And here's the link!  Do something good!

I understand the importance of nostalgia peppered throughout the post above, along with the positivity message of the final paragraph, and being a family. I can respect that. Buuuuuuut, the overall flow of the post rang hollow to me. I counted 41 variations of "I, me, or my" in that post, and one single sentence devoted to the actual event and the musician who is recovering.  There was zero plug for the benefit on that blog beforehand. Zero link to the GoFundMe in the actual post for those who couldn't attend. Zero actual coverage of the show itself for those who couldn't attend. If "we" are a "family" then this was written by the uncle who shows up at weddings and starts every conversation with "I remember....". I could go on, but allow me to break out the vintage Bryan Metro persona and deconstruct some of those "I remembers".

-Who says "dancing youths"? No really, who?
-John Sinclair performing at an elementary school is actually fitting if you are familiar with...okay next...
-"I remember the first Caveman Woodman performance, on the streets, with a portable amp." Ironically, the same description of the most recent Caveman Woodman performance in March of 2019. I could make a zinger of an evolution joke right now.
-Marco Polio staging a parade in the middle of the night was every show they did. Was yarn involved? Yes, to the new readers, it is as insufferable as it sounds.
-Whatever happened to Champions of Breakfast?
-Whatever happened to Silverghost? (Don't answer that).
-Whatever happened to Prussia?
-Whatever happened to Deastro?
-Did Margaret Dollrod ever actually doff it at a show?
-"I remember every single Carjack set." So do I. I've seen him once. Ha, I couldn't resist that rib. But Brian is a good dude who takes care of his friends (and the set I saw was fun).

Well, ya know what? I remember too. Not as much as I should, but still remember, and two can play this game.
-I remember being interviewed by the Metro Times in a bikini bar where the bass player Chester Ming didn't speak a word.
-I remember our guitarist throwing a drink at an irate fan during a show (who has since become a friend).
-I remember going to the wrong venue for one of our shows. The actual venue was 30 minutes away.
-I remember our guitarist throwing a drink at somebody in Royal Oak at a show where we first encountered Tunde when he was in Steroluxx.
-I remember falling asleep in the mop/broom closet at the New Way.
-I remember DJ'ing at People's Art Fest.
-I remember getting kicked off People's Art Fest.
-I remember being reported to the police, FBI, customs (?), and Homeland Security, but I don't remember why.
-I remember our guitarist crushing some derelict with his/my guitar who decided to jump on stage and take my mic. The swing would make Bryce Harper blush.
-I remember our bass player disappearing from performing live for about four years.
-I remember getting kicked off Hamtramck Music Fest.
-I remember our tambourine player E First reenacting the Sharon Tate/Manson murders on a sidewalk on Allen Rd.
-I remember when local music blogs actually tried.
-I remember when local bands played something Fun.
-I remember being interviewed at The Emory regarding the book I am still working on.
-I remember every hateful, nasty, anonymous comment.
-I remember every one of my borderline obscene, yet well-worded, responses.
-I remember when people weren't so thin-skinned and easily offended. But not really.
-I remember the multiple beatdown threats and invites.
-I remember the death threats. Oh, you bet I do. I have them all saved wrapped in a little blue bow.

Wow, that was fun! I could go on and on, but I think I've made my point. If the writer of the piece I posted above is the local, sunny, Spielberg, then I fully admit to being the cold, empty Kubrick (though to clarify, none of Kubrick's movies were empty). Yes, there are a few flashes of sun, hope, and community, but ultimately everything gets worse, especially with age. I try to post flyers/links to help people out and to help that sun, but are we really a family, or is that just a naïve interpretation? I apologize for being so cynical, but most acts are already moving on to their next shows, the cause they were playing for forgotten.
-I remember, that's how it has always been.

Actually I stand corrected. Carjack actually thanked everybody who came out for the benefit, something you never see around here once a show is over. So kudos there. Now I can say-
-I remember when acts actually thanked everyone who came out for a show, especially if it was for a good cause.
Regarding the post that rubbed me the wrong way, yes, I get the literary shift from "I" to "We" in the last paragraph. Yes, I understand the entire build to the post was that transition. Or maybe I'm doing it a favor and looking into it too much, when nobody/anybody else is reading. Not a prediction, but a spoiler- I don't think it was intended.

So here is My last paragraph. Donate to the GoFundMe, go to the breast cancer show this Sunday, April 7th in Ferndale at the Elks club that I have posted here. Have fun with friends (but not quite family), and get away from the darkness for a while. Watch the Final Four/Wrestlemania at a bar with friends and strangers (but not quite family). Enjoy every day, but just remember, the shadow always falls.

Oh and final tally of the "I, me my's"-  XX-41, Metro-93.  I (88) knew it would be a blowout.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro (89)

Doubled it bitchez! And no, I (90) did not intend it that way, but sometimes, that's how it shakes out.

Finally, cracking up at this. Is it April 13th or May 13th??? Is it 1pm to 6pm or 7pm to 10pm? This is completely embarrassing. Charging for a bar hop with drink specials at every bar lololol! What does the ten dollars actually get you aside from admission into bars? Who fucking cares?...… Wow, god, sometimes this city kind of really sucks. Really...really sucks. I (91) will personally pay for anybody's admission if they admit they would pay $10 for a bar hop in Ferndale. I (92) would need your full name. Use the comments or bryanmetro1@hotmail.com (93)

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Metro's Bloated WrestleMania 35 Preview

* Edit Update- The Joker Trailer- The preview for The Joachim Phoenix Joker movie was released today and I usually don't cover trailers on the blog, The Joker is a character very close to my heart. I have a soft spot for somebody who just wants to see people squirm.  Here is the trailer for those who haven't seen it:  The Joker Preview
I honestly don't know what to make of it nor what to expect (which is not a bad thing). I think Phoenix will be great, as he usually is, but I'm curious as to how the movie will play out. Jack Nicholson's interpretation was of a criminal turned anarchist who gave away money just to gas Gotham. Heath Ledger's Joker was a pure anarchist. Jared Leto's Joker was just basically a pimp (fitting). And Cesar Romero's Joker was a homosexual. The main issue, well one of them, is that the Joker character is best utilized in sporadic doses. This film is entirely based around him which is risky. Hugh Jackman was able to pull it off with "Logan", but Marvel was not able to with the two Hulk movies. I think what made The Dark Knight such a success was Ledger's performance obviously, but the stretches where his character was off screen making the audience want to see him more. If anybody can pull it off it would be Phoenix, but I have my reservations. I'm also concerned that they are making him out to be an antihero in this, a tragic figure, when people are expecting two hours of him just going nuts on people. I predict a lot of people will be complaining that the first hour "is so boring". This has a more grounded vibe like the Nolan Batman films, which is good for DC, and seems more like a drama rather than a comic book movie. It has serious vibes of Scorsese's "King of Comedy" and I don't think its an accident that DeNiro has a role in the film. Will I see it? For sure. Its one of my favorite characters, and I am curious where the movie takes us. Plus it comes out on my birthday which is fitting. Semi-related, stay tuned for a little bit of vintage Metro tomorrow. You know, that one guy who is just so miserable that he has to take everybody with him. Here's the WM preview.

*Edit Update- I have updated the preview with the pre show matches (both battle royales and CW title) along with the Smackdown tag titles. I expect the Raw tag titles will have a fatal four way as well that will be announced soon.

*Edit update- I have updated the Raw Women's and Intercontinental matches after last night's Raw. There are also rumors of adding the two tag title matches also. I will update again after Smackdown tonight.

Hey all, Metro here. Its that time of year. WrestleMania Season! JCM has always flourished during WrestleMania season, having some of our best shows. This year seems a bit off, however, and not because the JCM is retired and doesn't have a show. This year's card seems just to be thrown together with matches we have seen before. As of this writing, there are still no announced tag title matches aside from the women's one, along with no word on any involvement from perennial WM stars John Cena, The Undertaker, Dean Ambrose (who is leaving the company soon), or J.B. Slim. Yet this year's show is supposed to be the longest in history, starting at 5pm with the two hour pre-show (which has matches), and concluding at 12:30am. I expect a lot of sick days on April 8th. I actually have scheduled a doctor's appointment that day with a request to have a saline drip on call for my arrival.

This really is the best (and most taxing) weekend of the year, with Tigers Home Opening Day, the Wings' last game of the season, NXT Takeover: Brooklyn, the Hall of Fame ceremony, and WrestleMania. Not to mention the Monday after with the March Madness championship along with the Monday Night Raw after WrestleMania. I expect to be loaded up on copious amounts of Ativan to avoid any potential seizures. If only I was 23 again....sigh. Anyway, here is my preview for this year's show. There is still a lot that can change, especially with Raw and Smackdown this week. I promise to update this post once any changes or new matches are added, and will repost it here along with posting it on WWE's Facebook page which should fill the requirement for winning future free tickets. Lets roll.

As always, I'll give my take on the match and who I think will win and who should win. The pre-show is two hours, and will feature three matches, none of which I know as of this writing. As stated above, I will update and repost Wednesday or Friday.

The Matches-

Women's Battle Royale- Asuka, Carmella, Naomi, Lana, Mandy Rose, Sonya DeVille, Nikki Cross-Sturr, Dana Brooke's new face, Ruby Riott, Liv Morgan, Sarah Logan, Mickie James, and Zelina Vega.
So I counted 13 entrants and the Womans' Royale usually has 20, so that leaves seven extra spots. I e-mailed WWE along with TapOutPodcasts with seven suggestions who could be strong-styled by Asuka, but I'm guessing they will just bring up some NXT talent. This match will be on the pre-show.
Who should win- Asuka
Who will win- Some NXT call-up who will officially debut the Raw after WM and be forgotten 6 months later. I'll say the Sailor Moon girl, but watch out for Shayna Baszler (more on that later).

Andre Memorial Battle Royale- Braun Strowman, Andrade, Apollo Crews, Titus O'Neil, Tyler Breeze, Jinder Mahal, No Way Jose, Bobby Roode, Chad Gable, Kalisto, Gran Metalik, Lince Dorado, Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, Heath Slater, Rhyno, Victor, Konnor, (Mustafa) Ali, Shelton Benjamin, Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Otis, Tucker, EC3.
So that's 29 entrants. So who will be number 30? I doubt we will find out until the match. Oh wait, SNL's Colin Jost and Michael Che are also in it, which officially makes this a joke, and that makes 29. Their unfunny segments have dragged Braun's push to a halt, but their involvement means this will be on the main show, sooooo. Who is #30? For the past few years, John Cena has said he would compete in the Battle Royale if he didn't have a match only to be interrupted by who would eventually face him at WM. Could this be the year he makes the promise true? *This match has been added to the pre-show so cross Cena off.
Should win- Braun Strowman
Will win- A surprise #30, Bray Wyatt.

Ricochet/Aleister Black vs. The Usos vs. The Bar vs. Rusev/Nakamura- Smackdown Tag titles- I think this match will be designed to showcase Ricochet and Black who I think will come up short though as it is too soon. The Bar is in there to ensure it will be at least 3.5 star match. Rusev and Nakamura are together because creative has nothing for them individually. I think the Uso's finally get their main show WrestleMania win.
Should win- Uso's
Will win- Uso's

Raw Tag Titles???- The Revival vs ??? vs. ??? vs. ???- The match hasn't been announced yet so we don't know who would be in it or if it is even happening. I think there's a reason Zack Ryder and Curtis Hawkins were not included in the men's battle royale. Hawkins has been on a 300 match losing streak (and even has merch showcasing that) and it would be a feel good moment to see him snap it by winning the titles at WrestleMania. The problem is his tag team partner had a similar underdog moment at WM by winning the IC title.
Should win- Ryder and Hawkins
Will win- The Revival

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre- This one is tough to call. Vince has a hard on for both guys. Drew has a good look, decent on the mic, but is bland in the ring and doesn't get the crowd into it. Roman is back from cancer, has a good look, okay on the mic, but gets the crowd into things. This should be an easy pick. I think the outcome factors into whatever they're doing for Seth and Brock.
Should win- Roman Reigns
Will win- Roman (if Brock wins), Drew (if Seth wins)

Randy Orton vs. AJ Styles- This match seems thrown together because neither had a feud leading to WM. It should be a good match, but seems the start of a feud that could take up the next 3 ppv's. However, the roster switch is scheduled for April and either or both could switch shows.
Should win- Orton
Will win- AJ (if he's going to Raw), Orton (if AJ stays on Smackdown)

The Miz vs. Shane McMahon- We knew this match was happening, but having Miz as a babyface and Shane as the heel was a swerve. The "Falls Count Anywhere" stipulation gives Shane a chance for his big spot WM moment because we know The Miz isn't taking that bump. It also allows Miz's dad to get revenge and help his son win.
Should win- Miz
Will win- Shane McMahon

Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin- Retirement Match/Angle- The wrestling rule is that you always lose your retirement match. That's why Terry Funk has such a horrible win/loss record in retirement matches. Corbin was not a popular fan choice for Angle's final opponent as he really isn't on Kurt's level. Of course this can be switched up until bell time, so who knows. Either way, I think Angle does the honors.
Should win- Buffo the Clown
Will win- Baron Corbin (or whoever Angle faces)

Elias Musical Segment- Elias has no match but is the "featured musical act", which means somebody is going to interrupt him and lay him out. The question is who. This could be a slot for John Cena or The Undertaker to do their greatest hits, but I'm not sure if Elias is on their level.
Should interrupt- New Hall of Famer Honky Tonk Man
Will interrupt- Undertaker

Batista vs. HHH- The build for this feels like it should have been bigger, especially with Batista ruining Ric Flair's 70th birthday. You'd think they would have at least had a segment where Big Dave sexually assaults Stephanie McMahon. Seriously though, the build has been rough, and they intended to juice it (pun intended) by making it a no Holds Barred match and a career match for HHH. You have a star in one of Marvel's most popular franchises and it feels flat. Fire the entire creative team. I would love for Flair to turn heel and get involved leading to...
Should win- Batista
Will win- HHH

Buddy Murphy vs. Tony Nese- Cruiser Title- The cruiserweight division has improved, and the matches always deliver, especially on ppv, but this is headed for the Pre-show. Murphy is a decent champ, and Nese is spinning his wheels. *Update-This match is headed to the pre-show.
Should win- Buddy Murphy
Will win- Murphy

Sasha Banks/Bayley vs. Nia Jax/Tamina vs. The Iiconics vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix- Women's Tag Title- This is one of the more predictable matches on the show. I don't see Sasha/Bayley losing in their first major title defense, and have them penciled in for my upcoming groan inducing segment at the end of the show. Potential dark horses are Natalya and Beth, one having their dad inducted to the HOF and one coming out of retirement, but I don't see it happening.
Should win- Peyton Royce-Sturr and the other girl
Will win- Sasha/Bayley

Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor- Intercontinental Title- We have seen this match around 40 times. Unless they add more participants, I could care less. *Update-  Balor will be in his Demon alter ego, so this one's a lock
Should win- I could care less
Will win- Demon Finn Balor

Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio- I figure Rey will lose to Angle the Monday before WM as part of his farewell sprint, but this is a lot closer to predict. Joe has owned Rey in recent weeks, the kids love Rey, its WM, and this match is probably going on early so...
Should win- Samoa Joe
Will win- Rey Mysterio

Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston- WWE Title- WWE has managed to turn all of the organic reaction to Kofi into eye-rolling pandering with all of the locker room watching his matches on the monitor cheering him on like he was in the Special Olympics or at a Dear Darkness show. It is such a turn off. Kofi wasn't even in the title picture a few months ago, and was a replacement for an injury who is now in the Andre Battle Royale. Everybody is expecting a feel good moment here, but this is my preview and I'm calling somebody's turning heel and costing Kofi the match. Who? Well that's for the bonus questions.
Should win- Daniel Bryan
Will win- Bryan

Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins- Universal Title- I initially picked Lesnar because after beating Braun and Roman multiple times, along with Samoa Joe, Finn Balor, and AJ Styles, I think losing to Rollins would be anticlimactic. But with rumors of Brock returning to UFC and some decent, fresh match-ups with Rollins as the champ, who knows.  I don't think they have both heel champs win at a WrestleMania so flip a coin. I'll go with the safe pick.
Should win- Brock Lesnar
Will win- Seth Rollins (and friends)

Ronda Rousey vs. Becky Lynch-Sturr vs. Charlotte- Raw Women's' Title- This storyline started out strong, but has lost a lot of steam, mostly due to Charlotte (who everybody is tired of) being shoehorned into the match. With Ronda taking time off soon, Becky would be the obvious choice to win, unless they go with the nauseating idea of Charlotte winning and holding or unifying both titles. Or Becky wins and Sasha and Bayley come out and all of the WWE Four Horsewomen celebrate with titles held high to close the show, despite the fact they all despise each other in the storylines. I have a feeling this ppv is going to piss me off.  Also, I put way to much thought into fake sportz. *Update- The winner will receive both belts and be free to be on both brands.
Should win- Ronda Rousey
Will win- Becky Lynch-Sturr

That's it for the WrestleMania Preview! There are a lot of loose ends, as I stated at the beginning, and a lot of big names not advertised as of now including Ric Flair, John Cena, The Undertaker, Rusev, Sninsuke Nakamura, Kevin Owens (red flag alert), Dean Ambrose, and a few others.  Plus neither tag titles have been announced so toss in The Revival, Aleister Black/Ricochet, New Day, Uso's. I'll update this post as things become available but I expect this show to be re-written up till "America the Beautiful". But until then, this is your JCM WrestleMania preview post to suck on for a while.

Also, a reminder that WrestleMania falls on the same day as the cancer benefit at the Ferndale Ellks Club. So if you're not a fan of grown men grinding until their loins release, you can attend a show (that has gotten next to zero local coverage) that will make your loins release. And that's without me confirming and setting up massage tables will be a part of it.  Anyway, here's the flier!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

This is Why I'm Tired of the Internet

Hey all, Metro here with yet another example of why I stay off the internet.

Good lord. Really, good lord. First off this is a public post, and a public comment from Steve-o who better not be looking for a hand-out. "Tarantino casts nearly exclusively white." Hahahahahahahahahaha, this is actually why I love the internet because it allows me to see mental retards embarrass themselves in public. Good god, this has to be the worst comment I've seen in days. This mental abortion probably hasn't watched a movie in his life.

Pulp Fiction- Sam Jackson, Ving Rhames, even Martin.
Jackie Brown- Pam Fucking Grier, Sam Jackson, Chris Tucker, Tiny Lister
Death Proof- Rosario Dawson, Sydney Pontier, Tracie Thomas
Django Unchained- The whole fucking movie.
Hateful Eight- Sam Jackson

Every one of those actors played an integral part in their respective movies, which means that Steve Wolynski, you get the inaugural JCM "Retard of the Week" award!!! Which basically means you get nothing. We were willing to double what was in your brain, but it ended up a wash. Sorry.

Let me guess what's next. "Ohhhh god he embarrassed me despite the fact that I was 100% wrong. That's harassment dammit! Gosh darn harassment!

Nope. Public post.  Own up to it losers (lol).

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro