Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Kneeling....at the Altar of Metro

Hey all, Metro here.  Earlier this week I said I wanted to look into moving away from roasting local music stuff and get more into other areas like pop culture, sports, politics even.  So, I want to do a stream of consciousness riff on sportz/politics today.  I'll try to include a few jabs at local music for my Constant Readers.
Before I start though, I need to get something local off my chest on a quick tangent: A few years ago Electric Six played the DIY Fest for free (for the crowd; I'm sure the performance fee was met and on time; "how dare you" indeed).  This year during DIY Fest, a Fest based on the fact that the music lineup needed all the help it could get, Electric Six decided to have their own show at St. Andrews.  And this is the best part.....They needed to turn to Groupon to sell tickets.  This is where we are at folks.  I know the decline of Electric Six started when they added Zach Shits (much better producer than songwriter/guitarist) and the Johnny Headband dude, but Groupon?? C'mon guys, have some dignity.  Of course they have blocked me because I don't subscribe to the pandering, but that is a great segue into......

Kneeling in the NFL!!
(If sports/politics aren't your thing, I'll see ya's Monday!)
So this is all anyone's talking about it seems.  ESPN has headlines devoted to specific "Who's" kneeling per game.  Like a tracking system.  Earlier this week, Trump escalated things by saying owners should fire "those son of a bitches" who kneel (officially transitioning him into Vince McMahon mode Level 11).

Okay, my take: Lesson 1- Protest how you want, but be peaceful and respectful about it.  Create a dialogue/discussion based on your actions that may get people who are originally against you to look at things from a different perspective.  AND STOP BLOCKING PEOPLE!  For example, I have tried to have discussions with a friend in L.A. who actually turned to things like "Only minorities should hold public office for the next 300 years."  Really said that. Lesson 2:  Don't come off as crazy.  Diminishes your opinion.  That goes for you too Pres.  She is actually a teacher which is even scarier.  The thing is, whenever somebody has a reasonable, well-thought out counterpoint, they get blocked.  It happens on both sides.  I have had dialogue with left and right only to find the next day that I'm blocked.  And, oh Jesus, don't even try communicating with their friends list.  The biggest fear of people in 2017 isn't nuclear war on the Groupon dancefloor, it's Logic.  People freak when presented with an argument they can't process.  I'm told weekly that my writing is all over the place and generally bad and my opinions are rubbish both here and on social media.  Yet, I've never blocked anybody.  Anybody can say, "Hey, your blog sucks and you are the worst," and I will try to explain myself in my best Lebowski voice, "Well, well yeah mannnn."  My point is, that people today are afraid for all the wrong reasons.  The collapse of communication will be our downfall, not North Korea.

Anyways, back to football and kneeling.  It's peaceful and creates dialogue, so by my definition, I can deal with it.  I, nor anybody else, don't have to agree with something but can still respect the message.  Its okay!  Don't be afraid.  Try it!
This brings me to "the message".  What is the message?  When Kaepernick started to kneel he did it to raise awareness of police brutality towards minorities (good message) and to raise awareness to the "Black Lives Matter" movement (great cause), and to position himself for a gonzo contract (eeek, fire your agent; more on this later).  This week, after Trump's ill-advised comments, several teams issued statements regarding how he was wrong and championing free speech.  Fuck yeah, I'm on board with that!  But wait, does this mean that future kneelings are for free speech and Trump to be ousted?  I'm cool with that, but does that mean that its no longer against abuse towards minorities?  Is it a tier system?  Do we get to add something new every week?  By week 9, will we be kneeling because Cam Newton got shafted on his oil change?  Am I allowed to kneel because I have been nominated for 16 Detroit Music Awards and only won one?  I don't mean to trivialize it, but the biggest thing about protests is the message, and today's games had the most players in history kneeling.  I fear the more this moves forward, the more the Act is at the forefront and not the Message, and that is the wrong way to go.  Will kneeling be this year's "Ice Bucket Challenge"?

Oh, and to the rich, white owners who issued statements this week expressing solidarity with Kaepernick's movement (because at this point that's what it is.  Gotta own it), why haven't any of you signed him yet, even as a backup??  PR babay, PR.

And to Kaepernick, nobody touches on how he had a guaranteed Player's Option to play this year that he declined.  That's the equivalent of the band Dear Darkness agreeing to not play for Labor Day Fest with the promise of headlining Blowout and not realizing Blowout has been cancelled for years. Dumb. Colin would have even more influence if he was on a team and keeping up the good fight.  However, Dear Darkness would be best off not playing anymore.

As you can guess, I am a big fan of freedom of speech.  I love living in a country where public figures can take a divisive, potentially career threatening, move such as kneeling during the anthem and create public dialogue which hopefully will improve our country.  I love living in a country where I can run a public blog with no censorship or blocking where everybody who has a voice can comment without having to be approved, where I can post (public domain) pics of Queen Kwong's tats one week, and expose the (trying to get) rich white male corruption in Hamtramck the next week. I love having the platform to tell Asia Mock that she really needs to look into prescription medicine and AJ Ghoul to get clothes that actually fit him, while having constructive dialogue with people in the private sector on how to improve the local music scene.

Basically, entertainment has become politics and politics have become entertainment, and I'll see you in hell!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Friday, September 22, 2017

Local Dude Reappears-Update

Hey all, Metro here with a serious post for once.  Well every time I type something its serious, but you get the point.  If you are involved in local music then you probably know the name of Stirling, he of the questionable fashion choices.  Well it turns out he has gone missing.  Some of his friends wrote up a post that details all the details, and they could do it better than me so here it is: (with some slight editing by me)

"Close friends of Stirling's have decided it's for the best to post this and get the word out. The gentleman this regards is one of my best friends, Stirling Silver AKA Alden Walker Gallup III. The last time I spoke to him was Monday and the last time he was seen was by Mike E. Clark in Mio, Michigan that same day. He was last seen driving a pastel green 2006 Toyota Prius and was headed to Honor, Michigan for a day and was supposed to be back Wednesday for a concert and hasn't been heard from since. His phone has been going straight to voice mail. Mike and I are sooooo worried and so are many other friends of his. If you know anything about Stirling or have seen him, please message Mike E. Clark!"

Metro back.  I guess the last update was he indeed arrived at his Yeti (I had to google it too) on Monday and was supposed to be back on Wednesday and all calls go right to voicemail. So if anybody has any info or contact message that Mike dude.  I've had minimal interactions with Stirling, most at the beginning of JCM's tenure but he always seemed like a cool dude, a character if you will, so lets all hope for the best on this one.


*Update-  Stirling has been found alive and well.  Turns out his phone got shut off.  So basically, he owes everybody who worried about him for the past few days a 6 pack.  The moral of the story is if you are out and about by yourself and you have a network of people who support you/worry about you and you miss appearances because your phone is off. BORROW SOMEBODY ELSE'S PHONE.

Ugh, on to the weekend....State/ND, Michigan/Purdue, Bama/Vandy, Lions/Falcons, No Mercy ppv.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

A look into the mind of a 15 year local music legend...

Well it took 7 hours.  7 fucking hours before I saw a post on Facebook that brought me out of retirement and pissed me off.
Here is a quote from 15 year veteran, local legend (ask him yourself) Jesse Shepherd Bates:

"I have a fond memory from 2008 in which Augie told me that my band was playing locally too much, and I told him he was wrong. He was right. The number one piece of advice I can give local bands as a 15 year veteran of performing, including years of being a venue manager, and a promoter of countless shows, is STOP OVERLOADING YOUR LOCAL SHOWS"


Ok....this has to be satire right?  This coming from the guy who after 2008 continued to overexpose himself and his 5 bands for years?  Jesus fucking Christ I have been saying this for 10 years and it takes this airhead to September 2017 to make this "profound" inspirational statement.  There was more to his post but it kinda bored me, kinda like his music, and the last thing I want my Constant Readers to be is bored.  So I decided to have fun with it and post the original edit of JSB's post.  Here it is:

"Hey its JSB here.  Yep.  JSB.  JSB here.  I have a fond memory from 2008 in which Augie told me, JSB, that my band, JSB's, was playing locally too much.  This was shortly before his band did a 3 record release party gimmick in 1 day that only Metro and me, JSB, remembers.  I (JSB) told him he was wrong.  He was right.  The number one piece of advice I, JSB, can give local bands as a 15 year veteran, JSB, of performing, JSB, including years of being a venue manager, JSB, and a promoter of countless shows, JSB, is STOP OVERLOADING YOUR LOCAL SHOWS! I, JSB, would also like to add that if you are a promoter of countless shows, maybe consider not having your friends' shitty bands on every one of your bookings.  God knows how many times I've been burned by George Morris, or as I like to call him "Charisma Vacuum". I also encourage everybody to have as many bands, and more importantly, band names as possible to maximize how many shows you play while maintaining your OVERLOADING integrity. As a promoter of countless shows I know what I am talking about which is why I freaked after the flops of recent shows and have finally decided to come out in September of 2017, almost 10 years from that fateful conversation that I let Augie from the Hard Lessons have with me, JSB.  What I am basically trying to say is, I have no fucking clue what I'm doing."


Alright, some of that was fabricated, but not really, but REALLY?.....REALLY?
I almost want to offer my own 11 year advice post to local bands...oh ok, I will...

Hey, Metro here.  I have a fond memory from almost getting a blowjob in the broom closest of the New Way in 2010.  But that doesn't matter.  What matters is the business model I came up with to get to that point in 2010. Of course that includes not OVERLOADING YOUR LOCAL SHOWS which I have been saying since 2008 and not just this week.
Next, think about your favorite movies.  I'm not talking art-house flicks.  I'm talking popcorn and pizza flicks.  They all have a memorable villain.  Let that sink in.  Heroes are more often bland.  Its the villains that are the key.  Take the plunge and embrace that.  I have played "countless" Blowouts and the first Hamtram Music Fest primarily because of the word of mouth it would create.  It sure wasn't because of my musical talent.  Think for a minute.  How many bands who practice every week were left off of a major show to include the JCM, who never practiced?  The same JCM who planned every single show based on Wrestlemania season in Detroit (Mar-Apr) and could care less about an October show. The same JCM who fell off the map only to come back around 2015 and packed every show we played (to make up for all the clunkers before).  Ok, its obvious I am trying to shoehorn as many JCM references as JSB references in my parody, but not even I can do that. Ok, so I'm rambling.  Basically what I am trying to say is don't book George Morris on any show unless they go on last.  That way you can avoid the crowd hemorrhage. How many shows at Kelly's you have to play until you decide "Ok, should have went with graphic design"?

Yeah, I'm on the podium here, and to all the "local bands" out there reading, I'm much more trustworthy than the pandering crap that I posted above.  Best of luck, and remember, in order to make it......You don't know me.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Site Update

Hello Constant Readers,
Due to a loss in the family along with the general apathy of the local music scene this site will strictly be pop culture, wrestling, and sports moving forward.  I no longer have the energy to shit start like I did when I was 29 (or even 37).  If that means the thousands of weekly readers drops to 50's of weekly readers then so be it.  If something comes along like the Hamtramck Music Festival cluster then maybe I will cover it, but right now its going to be lists lists lists.
So sorry, DIY, not going to be covering you this year.  But don't feel bad, nobody else is.  Okay, had to get one last barb out.
First list will be up late this week or Monday:  The Most Rewatchable Movies in Existence.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, September 15, 2017

Something positive

Okay, it's Friday and been a relatively quiet week.  I am going to take some time away from complaining about Electric Six using Kickstarter to fund European vacations, and Nancy Whiskey laundering money, and scoffing at Local "Talent" Searches and instead, to focus on something positive.  Below is a positive article about one of the "good guys", the Temple Bar.  I do not know anybody who works there or the owner, but it still is a good story.  Check it:  Temple Bar

I have been there once and had zero problems (they even have a house dog for you animal lovers), and was treated with nothing but respect.  It is one of those bars that nobody really talks about but the locals love it.  They also didn't buckle with the new arena advances.  They could have easily pulled a "UFO Factory Special" and agreed to let it be accidentally demolished and recoup the money via Go Fund Me's and insurance and then go on vacation that same week.....but I digress.  It is so tough to endorse something in this corrupt city, and these days my endorsements are like a kiss of death, but only with people who are content with turning the other cheek, so that's why I'm looking out for the little guy.  Plus it's close to Cinema Detroit, a great local venue to catch hard to find movies. So this is me at my most kindest.

God knows, the last thing I want to see is another "Come to Kelly's Bar in Hamtramck" post EVERY FUCKING DAY on my FB feed, and if I want to spend my time with geezers I will do it with authentic geezers and not any "never was's".  Its old.  Try something new, with integrity and not fake punk pathos, and support a place that didn't sell out.  What more punk is that? Okay, that was a little minor anti-Kelly's rant, but when you house the Hamtramck Music Fest Hive....well you're on my radar. 
Finally, save all your "You've only been there once" comments.  I had no idea it existed, and I think that my post today hopefully puts it on a few people's radars.  I'll be back in Oct. before the WWE Hell in a Cell ppv where Kevin Owens and Shane McMahon will tear it up.  Main event- Lee vs. Woodcock in the cage.  Mud match.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Electric 6 Rant.....Disappoint.

Metro here.  I was a fan.  But I can't be anymore...

Electric 6, you have betrayed me. I, like everyone else, loved the first 3 albums (I even liked the 4th!) but you have betrayed your audience.  You have went from being the jesters to being the tossers.  It all started years ago when you stopped making decent records....NO.
This all started years ago when my Dick Valentine screen print was not signed at a Blowout.

Then the law of diminishing returns continued.
Kickstarter after Kickstarter after Go Fund Me.  Help ussss!!!!! (But ignore the fact we're touring Europe.  Nothing to see there).

Then, jump cut to present day.  They actually have a Groupon for their St. Andrews show.  A groupon.....  Y'know, now I feel bad so here is the link to buy tickets HERE
But if you want to use the Groupon, please go there instead.  The JCM has never had to resort to Groupon for any of their shows, so I have some sympathy for E 6.  Everybody, get out and support your local legends.  Maybe they will even say "Our next album will be like our first" like that hasn't happened for the past 5....


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, September 11, 2017

A Metro Apology-Nancy Whiskey

Metro here, with a rare apology.  I am always bitching on here about comments and things that suck and MOST importantly asking Constant Readers to send me any leads.

So a week or so ago I got a private message from somebody saying I should look into Nancy Whiskey bar in Detroit for "stuff".  I did a courtesy check and saw some stuff that was sketchy but actually bored me.  I didn't see any "juice" in the story.  I was thinking of "hits" and not reporting what's happening.  This is my fault, and I take ownership of it.  I had all the info, the tip, a week before this Freep article came out and I was distracted by bad Craig Brown videos.  Here is the Freep article:
Detroit Corruptions Harder

Once again I am sorry to the Constant Readers and my person of interest on the street giving me the leads.  I will not fail you again.  I'm not being paid for any of this, and if I was I would be handcuffed by the powers that be, but Nancy Whiskey is just another cash grab scam.  I can go into it further, but the Freep article covers it, and you don't need me to make any personal jabs against the people involved like I do with......


Lee's Talent Search...

Metro Times has already bogarted the Freep article as their own and took a day off from covering the Kid Rock non-issue and ignoring UFO Factory and the underage music trafficking story that is just waiting to be busted.  Whatever.  This is just an apology and it means nothing....

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday-Protests-C. Brown Band- Pizza

Metro here! Let me start right off by saying I phoned this in more than usual.  Basically, a hodgepodge of my thoughts on the state of things all Detroit.

First off I went to my first Lions game this weekend.  It was a blast.  Met Herman Moore and Lomas Brown.  They're fans.  Can somebody add a Brazzers logo.
I woke up today (I know really!) and really didn't have any focus on any type of posts, so I grabbed the blender and will stream of consciousness this shit....

Next- The big story is the organized protest of the Kid Rock show to open the new arena that shall not be named.  As reported earlier last week, lots a people at Metro Times are pissed about this because when I think about a paragon of the community I think of Metro Times who fleeced Blowout till it died.  But they are so pissed at Kid Rock (not a friend) and also previous cover stories no longer count and never existed.  Its a running joke that they post a daily article bitching about it and most are written by this Violet Iknowhowtowrite (covered in previous post).  Now, there is this group: Metro Detroit Political Action Network" who are staging some probably unorganized protests at the shows.  They have already blocked me because dialogue is so passe these days, I guess.  No links to either the article or this group because you haven't earned that yet.

Soooo, I, myself, will be covering the protest Tuesday and I don't even have any interest in the concert.  What I plan on doing is asking every protester two questions: 1) What are you protesting? and 2) How come you haven't protested for the past 20 years?  I cannot wait for the "deer in headlights" look after Ques. 2.  So if any of the thousand Constant Readers are protesting, consider this a spoiler alert.  I'm not going to make fun (the Tunde sign is retired), but I honestly want to hear people's voices and trust me, you won't get that from any local journalists from Violet/MT to Milo.

Next- I actually had a dialogue with Metro Times about my complaints regarding the lack of follow-up on the UFO Factory incident.  I mean we have 10+ posts about the Kid Rock show because that's easier than Marcie Bolen.  But what happened to the UFO Factory fallout??  Did the money raised via the benefit/Go Fund Me actually go to the employees as stated?  Was there any skimming?  Did the construction company follow through on matching the Go Fund Me goal?  Did any of this even happen?  What is the current situation regarding the land/lease or possible new location?  Does this even matter?  Everybody has gone silent about it, even the bands that hopped on the charity tribute train. There is your real story Metro Times, not some recycled click-bait garbage.  That is, unless you want me and my advocate Arthur Heath to come out of retirement....

Next-  I was going to rant about the DIY Fest, but my last post about it was among the least read, so why bother?  That's what happens when you give Jesse Shepherd Bates the keys to the Pontiac Aztek.

Next-  This video showed up on my Facebook feed today.  I have never blocked anybody in 10+ years but I was close here.  Here is the Craig Brown Band at the Hamtramck Labor Fest:  Waste of Time
God-awful.  And these are the people getting the big push around town in 2017!  Its like Peter Dinklage, Fake Judah Friedlander, and Hip in Detroit formed a band....  I love how there are no crowd shots (or audible crowd) and how they cut the vid after the song before any type of response.  Also, the Size 12 redhead isn't even singing and looks lost.  No crowd reaction, no crowd shown.  Third Man Records is on Line 1: "Can we call this experiment a failure yet?"

Finally-  The "Gabe's Bad Dye Job" site is no longer banned on Facebook.  However, due to being reported, they have had to change their name.  It is now called "Lee's Talent Search" and you can find it here:
Lee's Talent Search
Pop-Up Parties!!!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Friday, September 8, 2017

Cliff Notes-Metro Times-Race Bait

Okay so its Friday so I may have to phone this one in.  Metro here.  As on schedule, Metro Times posted their daily anti-Little Caesar's Arena, anti-Kid Rock, anti-white mayor post.  I won't post the link to it here because it immediately takes you to a Jack Daniels mandatory pop-up ad (for the 80% of people who don't use Adblocker) which gives them instant $$.

I swear the main dude there (I've given up trying to figure out who that is anymore) had to have sent out a memo to their staff writers.  I have managed to find a rough draft of that memo and will post it here.  This is a rough draft and in no way was ever sent to the staff.  This is my way of saying its satire for the idiot Constant Readers:

"Hey everyone, drop your linen and start your grinnin'.  Its your Editor in Chief.  We have nabbed a pretty good deal with some ad people and need to step up on our internet hits.  The weekly mag is covered via the hydroponic revenue, but the online traffic is dwindling.  If that keeps up we may have to cancel Blowout. Anthony Morrow, JSB, and CJohnst don't come cheap y'know.  So here's the deal.  I need everybody to step it up with your click-bait articles.  Bring up race, the city, the dreaded "white male" demographic (present editor excluded).  Do what you have to do.  Jack Daniels has signed on to have a pop up ad for every article clicked which means more money for me....NO, us.  Sorry.  Too much Starbucks today. Quick tangent, at least my barista was a female minority today so I didn't feel thaaaat guilty.  Okay back to the matters at hand.  Click bait articles up the azz.  I need at least one article about Little Caesars Arena/Kid Rock per day.  MINIMUM!  Also, for anybody on the staff who fancies themselves an actual journalist don't even think about bringing up that UFO Factory bust-up that everybody was talking about a few weeks ago.  That has officially been swept under the rug, mitts were greased, and the general public does not need to know about any type of resolution.  The venues did their "charity" shows and we all move on.  So fuck off on that.  Jack Daniels is waiting people. This is the time for all of you writers who think they will have a career in....uhhh writing to step up to the plate.  I'm looking at you Violet.  One article per day on all the talking points listed above.  I won't bother to edit them for facts, just post them.  The log on password is "RealDetroit" (case sensitive).  Get to work!"

Whew, what a read!  The "Violet" in question is Violet Ikonomova, the writer who seems to have a hard on against the Little Caesars Arena and by proxy, the Kid Rock thing.  Let me preface my opinion by saying I'm not the biggest Kid Rock fan in the world.  As far as the arena being partially funded by taxpayers, well it happens.  It actually happens everywhere.  The rich get richer, and all that jazz.  But it does create jobs, and it does create overflow revenue for other local businesses, many of whom pay to advertise with the Metro Times (especially during Best of Detroit season).  As for Violet.  She's just doing her mandated job I guess, poorly, but still doing her job because she's now on my radar.  Oh, almost forgot, here's her MT profile:
Violet's MT profile
And here is her FB.  Its public so no worries of any privacy issues, plus it has bonus content of her posting her own articles with added "spice"
Violet's FB profile
Basically she should just team up with the Seraphine Collective and take down all the corruption in the city (no UFO Factory tho...) and then Detroit will be such a better place.  Well, until their collective loft in Corktown is broken into.

That's it everyone for this week.  Have a safe weekend.  I will not be standing for the national anthem for NFL Week 1 however.  Because I'll probably still be asleep. Have a good one!


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Metro Times/Kid Rock Update!!

Hey all, Metro here, and ohhwhoooo boy I'm on a roll lately, eh?  I guess it makes up for zero posts in 2014.

Anyway the Metro Times FB page has posted their weekly anti- Little Caesars Arena/Kid Rock post of the week.  Just to get it out of the way, read it here: We hate pizza but turn the cheek at young'un pizza!

So if you decided not to click, it basically is the same old, same old whining about tax-payers partially paying for arena and having Kid Rock open it.
First off this happens everywhere, not just Detroit, and will always happen.  All the roads lead to money, and that will never change.  If you have read the last written Podcast you will get this inside joke:  I'm not the biggest Kid Rock fan in the world BUT, if this was such an issue why wasn't it brought up years ago when he did the multiple concerts at DTE gimmick.  Was it fine then?  And its not fine now?

I'm just using logic here.  Dude hasn't used the Confederate Flag in years, but when he did, everybody was fine with it?  See, none of this makes any sense. And here is the quote from the "Reverend Charles Williams II (working on his tax returns as we speak)" from the protest: "we’re definitely gonna launch a campaign that says we don’t want anymore hot and readies".
Really?  Really? I stopped reading after his misspelled "going to".

This is just a mini-rant because the Metro Times seems to have a hard-on lately for Little Caesars Arena and by proxy, the jobs and revenue it would create for Detroit.  Oh for sure, the suits will make their money, but how is that different from any other big city locale??? Yeah, it sucks, but people will be making money, and jobs will be out there.  Maybe Metro Times should move from Ferndale (or wherever their phantom site is in Ohio, etc) to the vacant Russell Bazaar site and turn that around using your own non-taxpayer money.  Yehhhh, don't see that happening.

This from the same sponsor that let a Detroit institution like Blowout go to pasture. Without any explanation/journalism to boot.....

Hey maybe we can get Sugarman Rodriguez to write a protest song about it!!!  Oh wait, he vanished after his little local push.....just like everybody else.  Pussies.

And to think I could've written for them a few years ago with a concept I created that would hype local acts and venues on a weekly basis but was denied due to me having to water my style down. For shame.
That's this week's pipebomb


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

DIY Fest Early Prevue-Ferndale

Well now that the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest is in the books it is time to move on to the next Fest.  But before that I encourage you to visit my coverage of the Labor Fest here:
Metro's Labor Dye Job Fest

Now its on to one of the final local cash grabs, and one of the shadiest not associated with Hamtramck in town:  The DIY Fest.  I plan on also covering the Fest with a photo blog (with a different disguise of course, more on that later).  The music lineup was recently released and good lord is it putrid.  I will cover it here but I regret complaining the same bands play all the time.  I'm stunned:  No Caveman, no Duende, no Odd hours (just kidding), and even worse no George Morris and the Washed Up Chorus.  Instead we have this:

DIY Music Sept 22nd

WAB MAIN STAGE  9:30 PM  JOE HERTLER & THE RAINBOW SEEKERS -  Never heard of them
8:30 PM HANDGRENADES -Holy shit, how did the Handgrenades secure a slot on the Main Stage with the pedigree of a Fest like this?
7:30 PM MACINAC  -Never heard of them
6 PM  THE OUTER VIBE - Your guess is as good as mine....


THE LOVING TOUCH STAGE  11 PM BARS OF GOLD - 10 PM  THE OSCILLATING FAN CLUB  
So basically after looking at the whopping 2 bands on the Loving Touch stage, we can safely say this is the Blowout 2008 Tribute show......


DIY Music Sept 23rd

WAB MAIN STAGE  9:30 PM  REVEREND PEYTON'S BIG DAMN BAND -That screams Saturday headliner....
8 PM  WILSON -  Well if any of these acts get covered by Metro Times this will...
 7 PM  TART - They misspelled "PASS"
6 PMMESSENGER BIRDS - I'm actually getting bored typing up this pre-prevue.
5 PM  OLUPUS - Never heard of them.  Is this Prussia's new band?
4 PM  VIRGINIA VIOLET AND THE RAYS - Don't
3 PM BEN KEELER BAND -Care
2 PM  AFTER DARK AMUSEMENT PARK - About
12:30  BILLY BRANDT & THE SUGAREES -Any of these acts...

THE LOVING TOUCH STAGE  12 AM SIAMESE -Is this the Seraphine Collective sponsored group?  More importantly, are they even still around?
11 PM ANCIENT LANGUAGE - Never heard of.
10 PM  GOLD CRAYON   -Never heard of.


DIY Music Sept 24th

WAB MAIN STAGE  8:30 BEAR VS SHARK  7 PM MUSTARD PLUG  5:30 ROYAL SWEETS  4:30 PM RYAN DILLAHA & THE MIRACLE MEN  3:30 THE ERERS  2:30 PM SIX AND THE SEVENS  1:20 PM THE BLACK DROPS  12:30 PM CABIN 7 -Okay I'm so completely bored by all of this at this point that I cannot even muster up the motivation to look up any of these bands. I'm still pushing for Jamaican Queens teaming up with Zoos of Berlin for the "I'm washed up and only 28" world tour. Was Carjack out of town?Lets get on to more important matters...

I plan on holding a contest to see who can come up with the best disguise for me when I photo coverage DIY Fest with the winner getting a slot on my Blowout set when it gets started back up in 4 years.  Right now the frontrunner is going as Lee Majors and bringing my friend's 2 teen/pre-teen sons as garnish.
  Second place is Woodman with a portable dunk tank like the Karate Kid Halloween costume.  So step it up constant readers!!!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro







Monday, September 4, 2017

Monday Ham/Det Labor Day Coverage!

*UPDATE*-  The Gbe's Bad Dye Job site was reported as being profane (had to grab my dictionary) and has since been taken down.  It has been replaced by Lee's Talent Search 

Metro here! Alright, to everyone who said I did nothing regarding any type of coverage for the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest, and that I was "boring", well I give you this.  And don't fluff yourselves for thinking you made me do it.  It was the plan all along.  But first, let me re-post my verbiage from the last post:

"And this is me at my most genuine....if you are a band playing then you are responsible to promote yourself to get as many people out as possible. I know many friends who depend on their vending pop-up's for income and it pisses me off that so many bands feel so entitled.  And I don't mean a lazy re-post of a flier or even a youtube clip, or a FB message saying "Hey come check us out!".  You need to sell yourselves, and from the pictures I've seen, that didn't happen this weekend. Say what you will about the JCM, there is no debate that we didn't sell the shit out of whatever show would take a chance on us, and we always delivered from 3 Blowouts to the 1st HamFest; people were there.  Some wanted to see what would happen, some to maybe take a shot at the title but pussed out, but people were there.  I don't see that today.  Its just the Chad Brown Band looking to pick up their next gimmie handout. Now that statement is not "boring", that is the truth.  Blowout is toast, HamFest is on the ropes, Labor Day Fest is up in the air.  Why am I the only one who has been able to make this connection.  Ship these committees out of town.  Old men......"

Okay, I was buzzed and agitated, but still...
Monday I decided to hit up the Tigers game to test out my Gabe's Bad Dye Job disguise and then the Labor Day Fest in the hopes of seeing Tunde Olaniran because when I think of Hamtramck, I think of Tunde, who may have the record of "most pushes in the local music scene without catching on" (2nd place Prussia/Jamaican Queens, or whoever they're calling themselves these days).  But then I saw that Tunde was playing at 9pm and it crashed my plans.  First off, I'm not waiting 5 hours after the game for that,  Second off, who is going to be sticking around at 9pm on Labor Day Monday after a weekend-long Fest?  I need to people watch, and Bankrupt House Media and their cameras do not count.  Finally, a 9pm Tunde show guarantees that all of the food tents will be empty and all out of kielbasas.

However, after the Tigers game, I made the call to hit up the Labor Day Fest.  I did want to catch the Tunde set because he was the biggest act playing Monday, but time was against me.  Because of threats made against me, I was forced to go in disguise as Gabe's Bad Dye Jobson. To any new readers, my alter ego sexually harassed a JCM friend on social media asking her "Who in JCM are you fucking?" (Answer=none=Ooops).  And then he took down the post like a total pussy and proceeded to drop out of this year's Hamtramck Music Fest to play at UFO Factory (RIP) because of some halfwit named Laura Rock (great name....if you shop at Showtime).  Anyway, here's this chump.


To be honest, I have no idea if Bad Dye Job Gabe is even affiliated with the Labor Day Fest, nor in any way do I insinuate that he is.  He just happened to be the best disguise I had available because nobody knows who he is anyways.  And he made a mistake, and he pissed me off.  He made an enemy.. Jump cut to:

Labor Day- I woke up late (of course) and arranged for a ride to the Tigers game and Labor Day Fest because I had already had dressed up in my Bad Dye Job costume and did not want to risk another hit and run episode, especially if I got pinched portraying somebody else.  I also decided not to call Asia Mock for a ride (obviously) because I actually wanted to get to the events in one piece.  I'm guessing the Asia Suck Uber service is not publically traded (inside jokes).  Okay to the actual revue:

Here is Old Empire Metro at the game!!!


After the game, Bad Job Metro made it to the Ham Labor Day Fest and tried to hit up as many artisans and foodies paying (who?) to sell their wares.  Here's a cuppa pics....
That's the 4pm slot where an act was removed to "fake complaints".  I did see Lee Majors floating around but he did a '180 and headed for the hills.  I missed out on an interview...
I then felt the "heat" starting to pile up so I did my method acting Gabe impersonation and played "Rocky Raccoon" for a couple Muslim kids.  When that didn't work, I went full on Brando and impersonated Lee impersonating Gabe trying to give a cuppa bucks to some Muslim kids.


Next I was off to find out exactly where he ran off to.  Fuck.  Hit a roadblock.  Just as I got to the kids area, this happens...


Wandered back to band area...

Started to get winded so I decided to split and miss the storm/Tunde show.  I did spot Lee and Woodcock though discussing who....I mean where to eat after. It was, all in all, a good time.


Last night, I did catch Channel 7's coverage of the Fest.  They actually said "dozens of people".  I'm not making this up!  This is like the Anti-Trump of rhetoric.  Can we please get the people running these things out of town ASAP. I mean that in terms of who booked the musical acts, which are a big draw to these fests, if you do it right.... Even funnier, was me seeing that multiple acts played both the Hamtramck Labor Fest and Arts, Beats, and Eats this weekend.  If you gave a shit about your local community you would promote yourself, sell the event, and stick to your guns.  Nope.  Not here.... "Dude", "Polish Muslims", and "Kubat, Finlay, and Nobody" look to have doubled down on crowd apathy this weekend.

In closure, I tried to collect as many local artists/craftsmen/foodies I encountered and will list them here.  THESE are the people that could use your support. Not the 4th Craig Brown Band attempt at getting over....

SUPPORT

- National Suicide Prevention 1-800-273-8255
- Steven Vincent Posters
- House of Renata
- Expressions Body Art
- Jodi Lynn's Emporium of Doodles
- Showcase Hamtramck Design
- Lost in Sound
- Traveling 8-Ring Apothecary
- Bon Bon Bon
- October Academy

There ya go!  In 3 minutes I listed 10 vendors that none of the promoters or music acts gave a rub to.

Once again these are the independent vendors that were at the Fest that none of the promoters or acts playing bothered to promote, and can use your money.  These are the people to support.  And to the local acts that I have laid off on because you are on my friend list yet turn a blind eye towards all the crap and corruption in this scene, just so you can hop on to the next show, look in the mirror, say "That's me", step it up, or else the next post will be about you.  You know who you are. Punk rock Detroit?  Hardly...

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Hamtramck Labor Day Bust

Hello all, Metro here and yes I am a jerk.  I'm here with a partial revue of this year's Hamtramck Labor Day Fest.  I say "partial" because I decided not to accept the volunteer spot due to a few poorly veiled threats sent to me, along with taking watch over the grey kittie who has decided to move into the backyard.  Now don't get cocky you haterz, the threats really didn't phase me, and they never have.  Okay, full disclosure, I did plan on attending early in the day but I ended up sleeping till 3pm.

So instead, I decided to live vicariously from those attending via social media.  It did take me a while to find any actual content, but from what I did see, it looked really, really dead.  I'm talking JCM on a Thursday dead.  I'm talking George Morris interview in the Metro Times dead.  Yeah, that kind of dead.

I know that some constant readers will accuse me of complaining rather than supporting, but let me assure you, that the low turnout stings me.  That's real talk.  I feel bad for the local artists/craftsmen/foodies who are naive to the bureaucratic bullshit that goes on with these fests.  But I do have to say that it's up to those in charge of organizing these things to sell me on the event.  Sell me this pen.  That's not going to happen when you trot out the same tired acts that haven't made a blip on anybody's radar all year.  Dear Dykeness?  Never happen, never will.  Craig Brown Band? Has the Third Man juggernaut behind them, yet still can't get over.  The Idiot Kids??....well here is a pic from their set today...

Yeah, I know the angle benefits my argument, but I didn't really find any other pics, so do with that as you will.  As Bobby "the Brain" would say... "You can cut the electricity......with a knife."

Add all that up in addition to competing with Arts Beats & Eats in a much trendier area (ask Metro Times) and its a recipe for disaster.
Speaking of disasters, I did see pics posted of donation boxes for the Houston situation.  Now that is pretty cool, and a wonderful cause.  I made my donation via a different method, but it is cool that a working class city would give to people hundreds of miles away.  But PLEASE keep Eugene Strobe as far away from the donation boxes as possible.

Finally, I'm not the most tech-savvy person in the world (have you seen this site??) but I did try to set up a free mobile app to track where Lee Majors is at any time during the Fest.  For your health.  Alas, I didn't get it up in time.  Sorry for that.

I still want to hit up the Fest the remaining days.  But you'll never know when.  So keep your eyes open constant readers.

Yikes.....

And this is me at my most genuine....if you are a band playing then you are responsible to promote yourself to get as many people out as possible. I know many friends who depend on their vending for income and it pisses me off that so many bands feel so entitled.  And I don't mean a lazy re-post of a flier or even a youtube clip, or a FB message saying "Hey come check us out!".  You need to sell yourselves, and from the pictures I've seen, that didn't happen this weekend. Say what you will about the JCM, there is no debate that we didn't sell the shit out of whatever show would take a chance on us, and we always delivered from 3 Blowouts to the 1st HamFest; people were there.  Some to see what would happen, some to maybe take a shot at the title but pussed out, but people were there.  I don't see that today.  Its just the Chad Brown Band looking to pick up their next gimmie handout. Now that statement is not "boring", that is the truth.  Blowout is toast, HamFest is on the ropes, Labor Day Fest is up in the air.  Why am I the only one who has been able to make this connection.  Ship these committees out of town.  Old men......

And that's a Pipe....errr From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Jukebox