Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Rare Footage of Seraphine Collective

Here is some rare footage of the last Seraphine Collective meet-up.  It gets BONKERS!

S. C. Rare Footage

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Friday, May 5, 2017

Detroit Music Awards 2017!!!

Happy Cinco De Mayo everybody.  I took time away from commenting on everybody posting the "If you believe in a wall you don't get to celebrate Cinco De Mayo" memes because what they don't realize is that implies every Mexican is an illegal immigrant. Which is not true, obviously, but in these days, life is quite crazy.

Anyway, I took time away from commenting on the laptop, to win a Detroit Music Award.  I am so grateful that after all these years people still care.  This year I took the award for "Best Local Blogger Who Exposed the Corruption of the Hamtramck Music Festival".  I want to thank everybody who voted, all my THOUSANDS of readers.  We did it.  We really did it.

I don't want to just talk about myself but I feel obligated to acknowledge some of the other winners this year.

Congrats to Eugene Strobe for this year's "Best Comb-over" winner (3 years in a row!!!)

Congrats to Lee "Majors" for this years "Best Eye for Emerging Young Talent" (17 years of wins and counting/ not a pun)

Congrats to Gabe "Hit and Run" Dobson for getting the unanimous vote for "Best Worst Dye Job" of 2017!

I can't wait to see what 2018 holds for the local music scene, but it looks like we're in good hands!

 I'd like to talk more but I have to go and hit on this chick rocking Showtime Detroit threads from 2009.  Wish me and my loins luck!!!

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Post Spring/Faux Feminism Update-With Update

Welly welly well, the Spring local festival season has apparently ended after a whopping one festival (HMF) and even that festival was marred by complete and utter controversy (check the archives if you're late to the party).

I remember sitting on my bed a week or so after the dust settled and I saw a vision, a vision that made me refocus.  It was just 2.5 words.  "Don't forget!"
I shook myself awake and wrote those words on a piece of paper and taped it above my bed.  Under it I taped another page listing things I couldn't forget.  Because this is what happens.  Shit goes on, people get hyped/pissed, then they forget.  I'm not really ready to forget about earlier this year.  To recap:

-The Queen Kwong debacle:  So in my prevue of Hamtram Fest I may have posted some sexy nudes of this airhead that ultimately got me kicked off the Fest along with the White Shag witch hunt.  Here are some facts:  The pics were professionally done and money exchanged hands.  The pics were never stolen/hacked; they were available on the internet with no nefarious tactics.  Here, let me show it-

Sooooooooo, everybody freaked, and I was booted from the Fest (only after she threatened to drop out....keep in mind that these pics were paid for....or don't because that's what everybody did).
Nitwit Kwong hopped back on the Fest, Seraphine Collective enabled (more on that in a min), and she ended up doing #Damage Control 101 and putting the image on a shirt for female something-or-other for charity.  This is after money had actually been exchanged for the photos in the first place.  Of course there are no records of any money going anywhere.  And after the Fest the act disappeared.  Local music royalty indeed. Kwong....YOU JUST MADE THE LIST

Next up is Seraphine Collective:  possibly the most insufferable bunch of people leeching on to....well anything they can.  These airheads went ballistic after Trump was president (full disclosure:  I didn't vote for Trump or Hillary) but the Trump mentality makes it easier for them to operate.  And here's the joke, the punchline:  They had "End rape culture" discussions for around 2 weeks and then....disappeared; even sold shirts; where'd that money go?  Yeh, they still promote some events but I guess they solved everything in those two weeks.  After the second meeting I couldn't help but laugh at their social media question for ideas for a better slogan than "end rape culture".
The only good thing that really resulted from this (because, lets be honest, nobody in the local music scene is raping anybody unless your name is Matthew Dallas or people in Hamtramck without wristbands) is the Bad Dye Job Fan Page
And like everything else, everything is forgotten.  All the local bands playing the shows, turning the cheeks....ugh, I guess its been going on forever, but that paper will always be taped above the bed.

*Update-   I most likely will be taking this post down.  Just covering same crap.  Everyone knows Queen Kwong and Seraphine Collective are borderline mentally handicapped, and I won't even get into Asia Mock (I wouldn't be the only one), so moving forward I will be going back to lists and reviews.  The month of May is National Burger Month so I will try and post reviews of local eateries (that aren't paid for unlike Metro Times).  If anybody has a favorite burger joint feel free to put it in the comments.  Hip in Detroit, I know you like the occasional burger, I'm looking at you.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, May 1, 2017

Full Disclosure/Makes Me Sick

Metro here,

In the interest of fairness, I have due diligence to report that the Ben's Encore charity has reacquired its tax exempt status retro to May of 2016.  This narrative took up much of the build to the Hamtramck Music Festival, and I thought it would be fair to provide real facts as to the outcome of this debacle.

Now that the facts are over with, lets get to the opinions....and you know me, I often have the pipebomb.

While I am happy that this shitshow of a charity got their act together, it depresses me, makes me sick, and is like a gut punch.
This would not have happened if I had not pointed it out to these idiots earlier this year.  They had zero idea that they were operating as a tax exempt yet not being approved as tax exempt for a year.  Because of me and this site (and my Facebook badgering) both the Hamtramck Music Fest and the Ben's Encore charity freaked and got their shit together.  I am torn.  Do I want to see local music and charities succeed? Of course.  Do I want to see people donating their time and money to typical Detroit fuck up's who are scamming them?  Of course not.  Does it make me sad that people I consider friends, and even mavericks, turn a blind eye to all this just for a measly show and blindly like everything associated with it?  Of course it does.  I still consider them friends, musicians, and fake-journalists, but I would like a little help sometimes.  Ah yes, help.....


This is what I (errantly) gave to these scoundrels.  The following are facts, not fake news, alt-news, whatever.  The Ben's Encore charity operated as a non-profit, tax exempt without filing the proper paperwork for three years.  This resulted in their tax exempt status being revoked in May of 2016.  Via some stupid loophole, it takes that amount of time for it to be revoked.  The idiots/geniuses running the "charity" either ignored the proper paperwork or were too stupid to realize they were no longer an official tax exempt charity.  Do you think its a coincidence that they re-filed once I made it public?  And now, months later, they are back in action.  You're welcome.  I did it for two reasons:  One to see these amateurs get their comeuppance, and two, for the people really donating their money to this, and to make sure it goes to a good cause.

A good cause:
Okay Ben's Encore shylocks, here is the last part.  Where is the money going to?  You have a history of saying that X amount went to X, but nobody knows where the money is going.  I could say I gave a $100 tip on a $20 tab on the internet and people would believe it.  This is my last favor to you.  Start saying where the money is going to.  The last "scholarships" were issued years ago, and this is a fact, and there have been a few instruments filtered off to white kids in the suburbs, but other than that, where is all this money going to?

Am I bitter?  Yes.  I'm disappointed that I didn't take you down, but I'm glad you're finally legit.
Yeah, I think I'm bitter.  I went after a scam/inept charity who is a blip on the IRS' radar, but at least I tried to correct things, and to some degree I did.  Now distribute that money to people who deserve it, and LET PEOPLE KNOW WHERE IT GOES.  Or maybe, people just don't care.  Either way, I'm closing this chapter.  Based on my instincts, nobody will care because its business as usual, and I'll have to go back to looking at sympathetic pictures of a goofy fucking smile in March 2018.

I'm moving on....my next favor will be to try to get Gabe Jobberson to stop dyeing his remaining hair blonde.

Bryan Metro