From the National Affairs Desk-
Well it's that time of year again, the end of summer. Hey all, Metro here. This means it's the start of football season (thank god; can't make a dime on baseball), the leaves start to turn and fall, the new neighbor owes you two beers, and the annual Ferndale DIY Street Fair Fest, the last major (haha) fest of the season. Where did the summer go?
If this post seems a little disjointed it is because I suffered an accident a week or so ago. I was helping a friend out with some landscaping work and a recycling bin, which was filled, landed on my head. This led to a concussion that I am still dealing with, a blown out knee, a black eye, permanent scar on my pretty cheek, and a loose tooth. If you saw me you would think that one of the psycho Neo-Nazi's that works at Smalls finally got to me. You would think I would have taken [REDACTED]'s offer to meet for coffee and be murdered's offer. One positive about the concussion has been the memory loss. I have zero recollection of any of this year's local music fests. Wait! You don't either??? Do we all have concussions? No, it was only just the most uneventful summer since I started covering this dying scene. And that includes the lockdown year. I have vague, fading, memories of no Blowout, no Hamtramck Music Fest (take the money and run geezers). I think there was that Punk Rock BBQ thing featuring bands who are in worse shape than me. There might have been a Pig & Whiskey (Hi Sadie!). There was the Hamtramck Labor Day Fest headlined by a band from Philadelphia that was never good to begin with. One thing I do remember is the JCM reuniting with the original crew along with the alternate tambo player, Darlene Schaffer, and headlining a Corktown Music Fest that raised a bunch for women in music or something like that. So this is where DIY Street Fair comes in. It's the 9th inning of 2023, and this city needs a save. Well, we're not gonna get it.
The DIY Street Fair has been around forever, and like everything else, it used to mean something. Now, it's just a husk. Now don't let anything about this scare you away from attending. We'll let the music lineup do that (more on that later). From the start, I have always encouraged everyone to have (too much) fun. Plus, get out and support the local artists, crafters, food trucks, breweries, and other org's that (over)paid for a space at the Fest. The last time I was there that I remember there was a ton of cool unique stuff out of my price range, but Christmas is right around the corner. So support local art.
Unfortunately, I can't be as positive for the music lineup. Just absolutely putrid, more or less. Let's do one of the quick previews. As always, you know the rules, one song/vid and then my take:
Ted Leo- Awesome! The Ferndale MI's DIY Fest is headlined by someone not from around here! And just like Philadelphia's Dead Milkmen at Hamtram Labor Day. And just like the Dead Milkmen, Ted Leo kinda sucks. If a voice could be punched he would be at the top of the list.
Extra Arms- Here, take a second and check out their promo pic:
Can you imagine, or AI, a more insufferable group of twerps? Ryan Allen has been trying to "get over" longer than Craig Brown, and longer than I have been covering the local scene. I love the tone-deaf irony of the "Obey" man-bag given that I had to deal with him posting his cutesy vaccination profile filters every week on my timeline. I never want to get political on this site that much, and I don't care if you are Psycho Pro or Psycho Anti Vaxx (full disclosure, I am vaccinated because I had to be to cover Summerslam 2021, the Manny Pacquiao retirement fight (Vegas), and AEW Grand Slam (New York). I just don't like some dork with shitty taste in 90's music telling me how to live my life. From one dork to another, Ryan Allen, just "Obey" and just go away.
Polish Muslims- If you've seen one show, you seen them all. Also, how soon until they change their name? #pride. #next
PJ Western- So this queef is the cover photo for Saturday's lineup? Dude has zero Youtube vids over 1000 views. Some of the songs were okay. Oh jeeze, he has a bio written by Josh Malerman. Cliquey, clique, clique, clique. Passy, pass, pass, pass. This is embarrassing.
Myron Elkins- Serviceable music. Good, solid, but unspectacular.
The Beggars- Have no problem with them. Great energy, better people, no frills, many split pants, no man-bags with "Obey" on them.
Alluvial Fans- Generic. Not bad, but... generic.
The Hourlies- Lock up your daughter. Lock up your wife. Lock up your backdoor, and run for your life. The Hourlies' are back in town. But don't you mess Me around. Solid local band, and I happen to like both bass players.
Joe Hertler & The Rainbow Seekers- Unoffensive music built for a street fair where people are just wandering around. So, background music. But do you want to know where the rainbow ends you'll have to buy Book #2 "Make Up Something". Here's the link!
The Messenger Birds- So the theme of 2023 is every band has to mimic the Black Keys? It...is...2023...
Coxiopioxio- The name of my 2nd favorite Mexican restaurant in SW Detroit. Get a new name kids.
John Salvage & the Jobbers- Decent enough. Your basic rock band that you could catch every Tuesday at Westland's legendary Chatters (Talk of the Town). Unfortunately nobody is talking about this act. Basic.
Valentiger- Boring. Plus the video is the infamous "walking around downtown" lazy crap. Just stop. Enough.
Yes, enough. Enough with this safe, generic, swill. Those are your band previews. Probably 2.5 worthwhile acts. However, all of the vendors are 10/10, so make sure you support them. They'll be losing money that weekend. Have fun, grab me, I mean grab a drink from a local brewery, but just not the W.A.B. Like the music lineup, they have a history of never hiring minorities. So as far as the music portion, no acts of color, no LGGBTJCM+ acts, and most tragically, no hardbodies. Just really tragic. At least with JCM you get a tambo player. Enjoy your weekend, and tell me when I'm lying. Then I'll see you outside.
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