Corktown Music Fest Prevue Pt. 2- Saturday and Changes

 From the National Affairs Desk-

   Hey all, Metro here. It is time for the second part of my Corktown Summer Fest preview. This one will be taking care of Saturday's slog. Before we get to the band previews, let's go to the Logistics Department.

   Corktown Music Fest takes place takes place Fri. July 7-Sun. July 9 at Lager House and Brooklyn 2000. Lager House is only taking part of Friday, July 7th, but Brooklyn is all three days. The cost is $20 for a three day pass featuring close to 100 bands, some good, some awful, that's the fun, or $10 for a one day pass. All proceeds go to Girls Rock Detroit, a non-profit (verified), designed to help girls deal with growing up loving music, but must be prepared to be hit on or, worse, groomed by a Third Man records employee like Jack White's latest wife. It also benefits LGBTQ and Trans youth.

   But wait! Hold the phone! I just saw that Lager House, who is not participating Sat or Sun is having an "unofficial" afterparty on Sunday. The cost is also $10, and right now only a few bands are attached. One of them, Bitch Kraft, dropped out on Friday, same stage as JCM, which means I wasted time previewing them. I also have no idea if the proceeds from the unofficial afterparty go towards the Girls Rock charity. It could be a cash grab. I will try to find out before the Sunday preview next week. Whatever. Bitch Kraft sucks anyway. On to the bands!

   Of course, we have to recap that JCM is playing Friday, July 7th at midnight at Lager House. I am very excited to say that a super secret practice session took place last weekend, our first in half a decade. It was fun. Our 30 minute set will include songs from every one of our albums, and a few surprises, but you don't care about that. I'll probably forget the words to half of them. We will also be introducing a new, guest, tambourine player because Elizabeth First has become completely unreliable, and is in a time out, and because Girls Rock. And don't forget about the JCM "Bug Freebie Foundation" merch table where you can pick up custom designed bottles of Bud Light featuring members of the band (Keep an eye out for the Queen Kwong variants!). Okay, let's get to Saturday's bands.

You can revisit the Friday preview here:     FRIDAY!

But really, all you need to know is JCM, 12am, Lager.

For Saturday's official schedule you can find it here:    Saturday!

You know the rules: Search the band, one song/vid, quick blurb.

Memphis Hawk- Also playing Friday. Previewed them already. Playing twice? Yikes!

Tom Alter- "Chaos in the USA"- Simple, basic, song, but actually pretty damn good. I listened all the way through. Go seek it out.

That is Joe, This is Dan- "Normal Land"- Guitar and drum combo. Harmless.

Dave Toennies- "Good Luck Charm"- Acoustic singer songwriter. Harmless.

Brett Lucas- "Wrong Place Right"- Allman Brothers vibe. Not bad.

Mike Ward- Do you know how many Mike Ward's are out there??

Yeddie- "Crem"- What the hell was that? A complete acid trip. I found myself laughing multiple times. Just bizarro. Much more entertaining that the failed theater kids at Cult of Spaceskrull.

Barbara Jean Machine- Live on Twitch- Female DJ/vocalist. I can't tell if she is a "pass", "maybe", or a "Jussright", and it really stresses me out. She is playing after Yeddie, so if you are looking for good drugs that day, you know the rules.

Christweasel- "Ain't She Pretty"- More electronic/dub slop. Yeah, the drugs will be everywhere Saturday.

Scum Queens- "Still Hate Everyone"- Yeah me too. They describe themselves as "queer-core from Detroit". Hip hop/screamo stuff. Not my thing.

Galaxy Coney Island- Didn't find anything music related. Could possibly be a food truck. Happy birthday Sadie!

Jackson & the Poolsharks- "Promise Land"- Not my thing, but very well done and well played. Okay, it grew on me.

Alcidae- "Face Reality"- Standard female-fronted rock. I'll pass on facing reality.

Lisa Hart & the Consequences- "Breed"- Nirvana cover at Eloise. It is fun. No issue. Had a mild panic attack when I saw the name thinking it was Lisa Joan and the Consequences because she wants me dead, or in bed.

Hydrogen Jukebox- "Full Throttle"- Basic rock band who seemed to have discovered the Stooges after their reunion albums.

Summer Like the Season- I've previewed them before.

Switchblade Vengeance- Live at Trixie's- Well played rock. Solid.

The 3148's- "Guillotine"- Great song. Lame-O vocals.

The Hail Bop Group- Too much leg work to find content.

TV Blackout- "James Bond"- Rock band having fun.

Narc Out the Reds- "We Real Cool Too"- Lame song. Interesting video. Decent band name.

Arbor- I am not looking this up.

Sisterhood- Too much hassle to search. Get a better name.

Mercury Salad- "Best Guest"- Very professional family band having fun.

CDC Detroit- Didn't find anything. Interesting name. Probably a bunch of pusses.

Vellows- Chris Oliver has toiled in the local scene for years, usually getting snubbed for high profile fests. Now this band plays every week it seems. So either he got himself an agent, gives great head, or hard work really pays off. Find out Saturday.

Werewolves- "Puppets Are Dead"- Decent heavy rock. Somebody wake the singer up.

Death Cat- Live on Tik Tok- Theater kids playing noise. Live on Tik Tok....really??

The Zotz- "Ramrod"- Solid punk rock. Not bed.

Dr. Wolf- "Came So Easy"- Dreamy music stuff.

Ladyship Warship- Previewed multiple times before. Same as it ever was.

Kasino- Too much effort to find anything.

Rob Zinck & the Collaborators- Live- The singer had me cracking up. I'd love to see them at their regular jobs at Subway. Also, they owe me a beer for having to type up their band name at 7am after being up all night.

Short Hair Domestics- "Watch Me Walk"- Pretty solid rock. Well done. I liked it.

George Montrelle- "Here"- Solid singer songwriter. Good voice.

Heat Above- Their FB cover photo terrified me. We should have a raffle to shave that one dude's head. All proceeds go to Girls Rock. Stay off the internet kiddos.

Midnight Proof- "Rough One"- Decent country rock. Well performed and having fun.

Sweet Crystal- Their members are playing twice on Sat & Sun. They are also playing the 7th at Cadieux, thus the typical "local act that supports nobody else unless they are playing the same night". Sweet Crystal can eat a bag of dicks. I'm not even looking them up.

Paxton/Spangler Band- "Milenberg Joys"- Jazzy professionals having fun.

The Characteristics- "Bonus Cart"- I liked the vibe of this one. Very 80's-esque. Vocals are meh though.

Dude- This act has bombed my FB feed with shows and books for months, probably yours as well. They're solid, but this is their preview blurb.

Tino G's Dumpster Machine- Solid music, but I can't stand bands with videos of them just filming around Detroit. So lay, so boring. "Hey look, it's a train!!!" They also have a video with Wayne Kramer. Wayne Kramer sucks, and likes 'em young. That's what I heard.

Harper & Midwest- "Hell Yeah"- Okay song. Catchy chorus. Basic. If you want this preview to be over give me a "Hell Yeah!"

Well, that's it for the Saturday preview for the Corktown Music Fest at Brooklyn 2000. Tune in early next week for the Sunday preview, and in the meantime I will try to figure out what is going on with that weird, out of nowhere, Lager House afterparty featuring those nobodies at Bitch Kraft and a bunch of TBA's. See you soon!

From the Iceman Commeth,

The Carnavoyeur

Dr. Bryan Metro

Corktown Music Festival 2023 Friday Preview + Merch!

 From the National Affairs Desk-

*JCM Lavender Blog Policy: Just a yearly reminder, if you have any serious objections over any content here please go out of you way to contact me, and I will review the complaint and remove it.*

   Well it is once again summer in the city which means it is time for local summer fests!! You know, the one's where you can pop and bop from venue to venue throughout the night and sample around a hundred of the best local bands around. Wait, Blowout is no more you say? I actually knew that. We headlined the very last one. Wait, Hamtramck Music Fest may be gone as well? They are being very very quiet, and most likely finished.

   Thankfully, we have this July's Corktown Summer Music Festival Fri. July 7th-Sun. July 9th! Three day passes are $20 and single day passes are only $10. Nearly 100 bands across only two venues, Lager House and 2000 Brooklyn, which is right behind Lager House I am told. I've never been there. You may think the price point may be a little high, but the close proximity of the venues allows you a better opportunity catching some midnight intruder trying to hijack your car. It also benefits Girls Rock Detroit! Here's a little bit of info from their page. You can view their page here:

Girls Rock Detroit!

-They support empowerment through music programming for girls, non-binary, and transgender.

-Provides a safe space for LGBTQ youth to feel affirmed in their identities, and express themselves through music.

-Educate about social justice and build confidence.

-Help address gender disparity in the music industry.

Sounds pretty cool right? And what better act to have headlining Night One, Friday July 7th at the Lager House than us, the JCM!

I know what you're thinking and it probably starts with, "Oh No!", but leave that be for now, and let's preview the other acts playing on opening night, Friday (Saturday and Sunday will be future posts, so if you are playing then I will get to you...then). You know the drill. I search an act and preview one of their songs or videos, usually the one with the most traffic, but sometimes not. Oh, also, please note that the Lager House is only on Friday, but 2000 Brooklyn is for all three days. I guess Lager has a band from Nevada called Flamingos in the Tree playing Saturday. I previewed them as well, their song "Take Me By the Hand," and it was pretty awful. The video makes them come off as insufferable little poofs. Plus they're charging $20, the same amount as the 'more value' Corktown Summer Fest headlined Friday July 7th by JCM, AND benefits girls, non-binary, and transgender youth and adults. Anyway, on to the previews! For the full schedule, visit their page here:

Corktown Music Fest 2023

Friday July 7th

Lager House

Bitchkraft- Had some trouble finding content on them because there are multiple acts with that name, though they did play the last Punk Rock BBQ. My assistant, Sebastian Owl, is convinced they hate us. Great start!

3rd Degree Burns- "Highway Star (cover)"- They have a school of rock vibe. Can't wait to blow their minds. Pop! Although, they covered "Highway Star" which is cool.

Edison Hollow- "Body's Guest"- Pretty good song. Mild Queens of the Stone Age rip off, but hey, Greg Aubrey made a local career out of it.

The Plutophonics- Live at Tangent- Serviceable band fronted by a torch singer. Think The Firewalkers but with less Shag.

Pink Spit- I didn't find much actual content, but I did see that Johnny Lzr guy that has to be on everybody's friend's page plays with them, along with the geezer from Millions of Brazilians who stole Leah Deal from me.

L.M.I- I found a Facebook page of a band with the same name, but they play all across the country and I still haven't heard of them. They look like a standard metal/rock band. L.M.K if anybody has the inside scoop. That is my preview.

The Incurables- "Detroit Steel"- Well, we have the Romeo Flynn's 2.0. Serviceable and harmless.

Hairy Queen- "French Road"- Basic punk/thrash fronted by some guy who looks like Charlie LeDuff on steroids.

Sonic Smut- "Live as the Muggs"- Hope that their songs are better. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ace of Wands- "Feminine Values"- Ace of Wands was my nickname in college. Anyway, these kids put some effort into the video, unlike 1000 local bands' vids of them  just walking around Woodward in Ferndale. Oh wait, this act is from Ontario. That explains it.

Jesus Chainsaw Massacre- The Detroit Music Award winning artists Brianna Metro, Elliot First, Petula the Freshman, Wang Yellowslash, and +/-jr can't wait to tickle your ear nipples. We will have a merch table as well. More on that later. Midnight, Friday, July 7th. For charity.

Friday July 7th

2000 Brooklyn

Barker & Broski- "Be My Baby Tonight"- Standard music, well-played and happy. Not as good as Jeff Jarrett's version though.

Kid Cooper Levy- "Kahleesi"- Standard Dylan-esque music, well-played and happy.

Memphis Hawk- "Tonight"- Standard music, well played and happy.

Kate Hinote Trio- "If I Should Go"- Very professional.

Sudden Death Syndrome- "That Face"- Harmless hip hop. Well played and dour.

Boomcat- Didn't find much on them, but they played the last Corktown Fest so they must be okay.

The Hourlies- I promised to be nice. They basically play every show. Not just every fest, but every show. They also have a new bass player. That is my preview. Subscribe to the JCM Gold Pass for all the goods.

Slowfoot- "Day Job"- Decent jam band. They put some effort into the video.

Bruised Reed- "Messed Up"- They seem to play every fest as well. Female-fronted twee rock. Can write a good song.

Whiskey Charmers- Mandatory they play every fest/weekend. I've previewed them before.

Elspeth and the Treatment- "Iconoclastic"- Well played and happy.

Modhouse- Electronic duo. Don't believe they have a DMA, but there's still time.

J Michael and the Heavy Burdens- "Easy Go"- Very professional and happy.

The Vag Arcadia- "Cold Hearted"- They have around the same amount of people as the JCM at full strength. Very professional and happy.

Strength Beyond You- I didn't find much, but while searching I did come across this. So there's that.

7 Layers- "You Got Fire"- Their bio says they are a mix of every genre you can think of. So there's that.

   Okay, that concludes the preview for Day One, Friday July 7th, of the Corktown Music Festival. You may notice that you don't recognize a lot of these acts which is unique. You won't see the likes of Jack White here.

I've spent years of previews complaining about the same acts performing at the same venues and the same Fests, so this is a good litmus test to see if the local scene will come out to try new things. If anything, I'm just glad I didn't have to preview Dear Darkness or The Handgrenades again. Also, it is for a good cause.

   Speaking of good causes let's move along to the Official JCM Merch Table, which also benefits a good cause. While the majority of the event sales are going to Girls Rock Detroit!, the Official JCM Merch Table's proceeds will be going to a different Girl Power cause, the Freebie Foundation. Unlike the Girl Power cause, a non-profit, the Freebie Foundation is totally for profit.

A while back, a local music personality had a health issue involving their liver. Too much drinking for too long finally caught up to them, and they had a medical procedure that also required a steady supply of meds. Thankfully, they made an above average recovery from "Death's Door" and is still creating art and stories to this day.

That person was me.

A while back, a local music personality had a heath issue involving their liver. Not sure what caused it, but thankfully it was corrected. Because, let's be real, even in this satire segment, you never want to see anyone sick, no matter how annoying they are. This person was assisted with over $10,000 through a GoFundMe. I was shocked. When I had my similar situation (which actually had the potential to be worse), nobody set up a GoFundMe, or anything like that. What got me through was the honest love and concern from the Honor Roll. You know who you are.

But, was I a little salty? You bet, and yeah, I probably made my usual "Where did all the money go?" and "Were the proper taxes paid for the funds received?" jokes, both jokey, but honest questions. I no longer care about the answers anymore. Life is too short to dwell on potential scams and grifts. When there's nothing left to do, except enjoy the view. When there's nothing left to do, I just smile. I'm just glad they are in recovery because, let's be real, even in this satire segment, you never want to see anyone sick.

Jump cut a few months, but still a while ago. I get a message whining about my honest questions. That part is fair. Some people are just built to whine. But then it got weird because after acknowledging the $10K gift, they went on to brag about how they get to go to California every now and then for free because of friends and family. And then after that they said that while in California they make thousands of dollars producing records that no one will ever hear. And then, to wrap it up, they had the nerve to ask if I was jealous. I'd post the entire message here, but I do respect private conversations.

So, was I? Sure. Who wouldn't be? Did their response come across as tone deaf and mildly ill-advised stupidity? I would say so. So yes, I am non-binary enough to admit I was a little bit jealous. But I also have lived a charmed life, and I have seen things many would kill to experience. And I earned (most of) it.

What I really wonder is what the majority of the local scene, many of whom are playing this Fest for free to benefit girls, non-binary, and transgender youth, many of whom far surpass many tone deaf has-beens in terms of creativity and especially talent, think about this person benefitting from the hard work of others. I'm sure that many playing this fest would love to have that kind of support that this Bug has gotten through the years. But for some people, it is never enough. There is always the next free vacation. There is always the next free clothes dump.

This is why all the proceeds from the JCM Official Merch Table will go directly to the Freebie Foundation because you can never get enough stuff for free. I'm pretty sure people like that/them won't be at this Fest because it doesn't offer any benefit to them. Well, unless the Fest falls on a week where they are fucking one of the acts playing, but life can be a lottery, and some people are always hitting the jackpot. It would be nice if they showed a sliver of integrity and make a donation to the Girls Rock Detroit thing. Show some courtesy, some sympathy, and some taste. But I wouldn't hold my breath. I'd end up back at Death's Door.

Stay tuned later this month for the Sat/Sun previews, along with a list of items that will be available at the JCM Official Freebie Foundation Merch Table.

From the Iceman Commeth,

Bryan Metro