From the National Affairs Desk-
Dear lord how are any of these venues still open??? Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I have received numerous missives at the National Affairs Desk regarding the Corktown Music Fest that is happening this weekend and whether I would be previewing it. Well here ya go! This "Fest" is taking place March 4th and 5th, which used to be around the time we played all those Metro Times Blowouts. Safe to say that the hype for this is not at that level. As referenced in my last post, the essential "Next To Last Tango In Vegas", there is just no local music scene anymore.
When contemplating previewing it I initially thought, "No! I'm tired. I don't have it in me anymore." That part is not satire. I really am at the end. However, the cause caught my eye. It benefits " 4 Paws 1 Heart" an animal rescue. Now you have my attention. Anyone with a pulse (my condolences) knows that I/the JCM have supported animal rescue for years including donating every dime from our last show to the Lincoln Park animal shelter. At first glance, 4 Paws 1 Heart is described as a non-profit 501 CC, and you know how I feel about those. You may remember I shut down the Hamtramck Music Festival's cheapjack non-profit scam back in 2017 or something because they were either profiting or inept which is why they now have the "vague" donate to the schools angle they use to this day (or did). Boxes of crayons etc as the members of the committee are dealing with bankruptcy. It's an old story and we are already wandering. I am going to give 4 Paws 1 Heart the benefit of the doubt because I am too lazy to get into all that again. It looks to be a reputable deal and if it turns out to be otherwise I will bring down the fire so hard, so savage, they'll be spending their last moments as an org crying next to the owners of the venues for this Fest who are trying to sell $0.50 on the dollar or just busting out like the Oakland Hills golf club did last week.. Or I'll just break out The Growler. We're wandering again. Here is the link to 4 Paws 1 Heart:
But before we get to the Fest, the past few weeks have seen a deluge of friends and fools asking for my take on the new Jack White video and the Amino Acids situation. For those in the dark, JW posted a new video for his latest disappointment "Fear of the Dawn", and some people, namely The Amino Acids themselves started whining that there were some similarities between their act and the video. Here is the video:
And here is a photo of The Amino Acids:
Good lord, the guts in there. I'm not linking to their shit, and I do emphasize shit. Upon reviewing the video I did pick up on some similarities. Yes, both have masks. Yes, a theremin is involved. But really, who cares. If the Amino Acids would have caught on outside of the insulated lame local music scene this wouldn't have been a conversation. I mean it's 2022. Any hanger-on waterhead acting like a complete queerjack can be found outside any Kroger playing a theremin. And the masks.... Both Jack White and the AA's (pun intended ho ho ho) obviously stole that concept from the final JCM show at Simons in Lincoln Park where we raised over $200 for local animal rescue (segue alert) and some of the band and even some of the 17 people who showed up wore similar masks because of the death threats at the time. The header photo is from that night, E First and Kentucky Pete.
Now the Amino Acids have been around forever. One of my first local shows as a young punk was around 2003 at Lager House (which will be hosting the Corktown Fest and will require vaccination papers despite being one of the most heavily hit places with Covid outbreaks in Detroit). While parking and hooking up The Growler for breakin's I noticed a bunch of geezers pulling stockings over their heads giggling like a bunch of Reds. I remember telling my date that if we were still dating in 2022 and I was still involved in the local music scene, putting on masks to just fucking kill me. Thankfully I never saw her again.
So here's my "take" friends and fools. The AA's have been around forever and hit their ceiling back at that show in 2013. They should be thanking Jack White and Ben Blackwell for semi-ripping them off because this is the most anyone has talked about them in years. And by anyone I mean the Amino's themselves, their burner accounts, and Woodman who will be the first in line for a photo op with Jack at the next Negro League game. In closing, I find everybody involved insufferable. I will never forget one of the Amino on/off drones Scott Boyn@k suggesting somebody kill all of my animals on social media, this even after I publicly shared crowdsourcing for his squeeze who was sick at the time. But in the end, I hold no ill will towards anyone involved in this tiresome local drama. I hope the Amino Acids get their just due after all these years (DMA???). I hope Jack has continued success making mediocre music. And I one day hope to share a beer with Scott. Enough of this. On to the Corktown Music Fest Preview!
Usually with these previews I like to take the act, find a video or a song and do a quick review. Time is not on our side these days. So for this edition. I will take the act, try to look them up, and see if there are any doffs to be foubd. It really is the only fair way. Since nobody cares about any local music anymore we might as well focus on what matters. The doffs. All the doffs.
Ooops, sorry wrong file. Here is the flier for the Corktown Music Fest so you can plan your whatever.
Okay. The preview.
Friday-
The Gashounds- Geezers. No doff
Phil Profitt and His Fast Fortunes- Geezers. No doff, but a master in irony because I doubt they've ever drew a dime.
Sros Lords- No doff. Been around forever.
Warhorses- Drummer female. Angry doff.
St. Thomas Boys Academy- I'm not looking that up. I'll leave it to [REDACTED]
Werewolves-No doff
Bourbon Squirrel- No doff
Crimson Eyed Orchestra. Good lord no doffs
Switchblade Vengeance- No doff. Are all of these acts comprised of the same people.
Boogie something something- No doff
You know what, I give up. I'm not sure I'm going to make it to this Fest. And I have a weird feeling that most of you won't as well. However, my hope is that some of you will despite every act being the same band. Of course that's hyperbole but you know what I mean. I think it is very important that everyone get out and have fun and support local businesses, many of which may not even be around for next year's Corktown Music Fest. I know we are in the gallows of a pandemic....oh wait, we're not anymore. Oh cool. Then get out and support your local music even if there may not be any doff's. And if you can't make it out (like me) you can always visit the 4 Paws 1 Heart website and donate the cost of a wristband to a worthy cause. Here is the link again just to drive it home:
To those who venture out, have Fun and I hope to see a full report/review on another local music blog/entertainment site.
From the Iceman Commeth,
Dr. Bryan Metro
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