Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

Listen To This Now!!!!

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Sheefy Gets Arrested!

Hey all, Metro here. Like any news/entertainment site, I'm always on the lookout for the latest buzz, hot take, or scoop to flesh out a half-assed once a week post. Now, more prominent media also does this, but because of a deadline, or with an agenda, or the latest memo/narrative to follow. I feel much more vital than that. I do it because I get bored, and that's the scary part.

So it raised my eyebrows when my assistant, Richard, sent me a few articles and screencaps that local artist/performer Sheefy McFly was arrested last week. Before details emerged, I messaged a few people "in the know" as to what happened. I even messaged Sam Ho, "watch it be parking tickets", not exactly gangster, but also wouldn't be surprising. It turns out he was arrested while working on a mural that he was commissioned by the city to do (along with some unpaid tickets, so I won the $1 bet with Sam Ho). So yes, a total waste of time for all involved. The incident even made the Freep (big whoop) and the NY Times (okay, you have my attention). Here are the links:
Freep Article
NY Times

Okay, full disclosure. Sheefy has a branch in the JCM family tree. One of his first high profile gigs and publicity was performing at my book reading/performance/preview at the Ferndale Public Library. Later that year he shared the stage with me and E First at an intimate show at the Lager House (seen below) and would make various cameo appearances including playing keyboards. Very versatile.


Since then, he has reinvented himself as a visual artist and muralist along with continuing his rap career. He recently received $10k to work on multiple murals to brighten up the city and emphasize the undeniable creativity within it. He also maintains a public social media presence where he regularly satirizes the banality and hyperbole that the majority of people on social media show. I think its brilliant how he tongue in cheek shows how superficial one can be on social media by making it so over the top one can't help that its a rib on those too full of themselves out there. Hell, sometimes I think he's talking directly to me. Well, call me guilty on that one. Here are some examples of his wit:






Absolutely brilliant, over the top, satire, and I love it! Even back in 2014 he predicted the current topic of reparations which has been in the news. I'm actually jealous I didn't come up with that first!  So back to the issue. Did this incident really call for an arrest? Probably not. The guy was freaking commissioned by the freaking city to do a mural! Not having the permit on him or the outstanding tickets don't really require an arrest. Well, technically they do, but c'mon! The guy was just doing his job. This is all so unnecessary. As you know I am a big fan of both police officers who have to deal with a constant negative stigma because of the media and a few bad apples, along with the artist community and freedom of expression, so I am torn. I'd like to chalk it up to a misunderstanding. I am glad that Sheefy has emphasized the sexy current bullet points of "depressed", "threatened for my life", "Beat my xxx", and "animals in a cage". Smart move. Get the general public (justifiably) in your corner and milk this for all its worth. No publicity is the only bad publicity. Have fun with it. This is nothing another great meal at London Chop House can't fix, doe! Provide the permit along with the proper tax paperwork for the income. Check, in the clear! Pay the outstanding tickets. Check, in the clear! And use this to get your name further out there, young Padawan. Is it a headache? For sure, but take that passion and make it happen. I will post updates if they become available, but I don't anticipate anything of note on the horizon. Everyone, just keep moving forward. The future is that mountain.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, June 17, 2019

Remaster/Reimagine/Reboot

Update with MTV Movie/TV Awards Feedback-

Man, I really used to look forward to this show, and yes, I do realize that it is entirely too easy these days to dismiss it with the go-to "That show is still on!" quote which is about as overplayed as "How's your mom's basement?"  But yes it still is on and yes I watched the replay. I was having dinner with a friend (technically we weren't having dinner together as I was eating while messaging) and he asked "How does MTV make any money?" I didn't really answer then, but after thinking, I figured it had to be reality tv and advertising. I recently became aware of the "YouTube Celebrity" whose entire job is to get YouTube followers and ad money (I won't get into the pedo angle). That's what I envision MTV today. I remember "back in my day" when people like Eddie Murphy or Will Smith hosted and Quentin Tarantino presents Jackie Chan with a Lifetime Achievement Award (an award that was also issued to Jason Voorhees and the Three Stooges, who I believe were inducted by Mel Gibson, oh how times have changed). Anyway I think its been almost a decade since I watched it. I knew what I was in store for (and was foreshadowed in the original post seen below) and I ended up with my head in my hands for most of it. Here are some of my takeaways-

-I think the host, Zachary Levi, the star of Shazam (currently at 7.4 on IMDB; Oh Captain Marvel at 7.0) did a decent job and came across as likable and genuine for the most part. He seemed like a fast food version of Ryan Reynolds.

-I rolled my eyes when Sandra Bullock won for Most Frightened Performance, whatever that is (also of note Jamie Lee Curtis not nominated but the girl from the rest stop scene in the new Halloween was ummmmm). She ended her speech saying how glad she was to take her son to see real superheroes like Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel and Jada Pinkett Smith, wait, did I miss something? Oh wait more on that in a minute.

-The Rock won the "Generation Award" whatever that is, and of course was his usual likable, down to earth, yet mega star self. I did catch that he stressed that everybody love themselves, something the host said in his opener, and was repeated about 4-5 other times throughout the show, so obviously a memo went out. I actually think that is a more effective message than the heavy handed "Respect everybody no matter their xxxxx, xxxxxxxx, xxxxx, xxxxxx, etc. So far so good.

- Ah now, I get the Jada Pinkett Smith reference. She's the recipient of the "Trailblazer Award", whatever that is. Wait, its because she is hosting a talk show??!! Oh man I bet that check cleared pretty quick. Her husband wasn't even there, but her doofus kids were. The speech even sucked. Nothing of note. At that point I asked my secretary Jean to bring up her IMDB credits and create a spreadsheet contrasting her output before marrying Will Smith and after. The secretary went to their office and I heard a loud boom, but it was only fireworks across the street.

-One thing I noticed was that so many awards were presented during commercial breaks with the excuse being to keep the show moving crisply, but the real reason being all were won by artists people actually know and are popular with, but weren't actually there, like Robert Downey Jr., Josh Brolin, and Lady Gaga, which I found hilarious didn't even show up when her entire career, well not all of it, was helped by MTV. Not even one of those pre-taped spots. At least that freed up spots for Nick Cannon who won for Best Host, whatever that is, and had the biggest "I'm so fucking happy to be here" smile on his face.

-Brie Larson vs. some no name won for Best Fight, a category where Ruth Bader Ginsberg was nominated vs. inequality, but nothing from John Wick. I get it they were trying to be cute, but RBG was also nominated for Best Documentary (lost to "Surviving R Kelly" hee hee) and Best Meme (lost). However she did win for Best Real Life Hero and it was refreshing to see her accept the award in a very impressive black with white trim Crepe de chine wool and silk dress from Prada. Just kidding.

-As for the musical performances Lizzo (?) was not bad, but also not good, and Bazzi (?) started off with a decent keyboard riff, but then the camera revealed he was fucking with a laptop. Bazzi looked like an out of shape derelict in a white jump suit you would see at Planet Fitness. Sucked. The cast of the new show "Euphoria" introduced him. I was going to post a totally doffable gif, but wanted to keep things serious here.

-One benefit from watching this event was that I discovered Tiffany Thompson and Tessa Haddish are two different people. Oh shut up, before you make the racist comments. I made the same joke about Ryan Reynolds and Zach Levi earlier. However feel free to debate whether it was calculated to set up this joke.....
-Avengers ended up winning Best Picture for those that care and the show closed with another plea to "love yourself". Hey I'm not going to disagree with that.
-Also of note, I zoned in and out for obvious reasons stated above, but I don't believe there was a single reference to politics or the president during the show which means two memos went out. At the very least, whoever is sending out these memos is catching on that pandering, lecturing, and talking down to your audience has been proven to not work, and if you really really want change, be smart about it and don't come across as a nutso. So that person deserves a raise. Anywho, here is my original post:


"We need money and we need it fast!"

Matt has repeated this mantra about five times so far today and while it is completely annoying, its not exactly untrue, and we are all sitting out at the pool at the house by the beach and it is a crisp 85 degrees, perfect tanning weather, and we all should be in bliss but aren't because we all need money and fast. The scene at the pool (shot in soft focus to emphasize the heat) consists of myself, Trent, Scott, Amy, and Matt, the actual residents of the house by the beach, along with Oakley the black personal trainer who is also dating Matt, Gary who is a secret shopper but only operates via the internet so basically a hacker, Denise who is a model that specializes in the "after" shots in weight loss ads, Ram who claims to work at Amazon though I saw him with a "Feed Me" sign at the freeway entrance last week, Pepper a DJ, Philly a DJ, Jaimie who hosts craftbook stands at fairs, Cole a DJ, Ally who is dating Cole, some derelict called "Swimtrunks" who is a DJ under the name "DJ Swimtrunks", Karl who is currently transitioning to Carol, and Ox another DJ.

Today's topic of conversation was that we were nearly out of money and what could be done about it. Since none of the primary residents at the house by the beach actually work aside from Scott who works as a sound guy in the film industry, we are starting to feel the vice twist. Trent's father, who normally gives the allowance, is overseas working on "The Syria Project" whatever that means. Happy Fathers Day! Trent's dad sent a dark suit guy to zap everything on the house computer's hard drive a week after he left (the case sensitive password was "She thinks Shes the PassionaTe One. Oh Yeah!"). The dark suit guy, who we learned his name was Reebok, had an incident at the house's flower garden with a taste for human flesh and was never seen again, although we found some shreds of his suit tangled up in a lily. All was well though as Trent's dad confirmed that Reebok's identity had been erased for years.

The money grab conversation turns to the ongoing, decade long, trend of Hollywood having to remake/reboot every single thing. There were arguments about Ghostbusters, Men In Black, Fright Night, Total Recall, My Shameful Secret, and even I Spit On Your Grave. We were all very stressed out. I popped two Xanax's from Amy's party saucer just as Matt suggested we reboot Captain Planet. The contingent agreed, thinking the hook of appealing to everyone would yield big dollars. The following quotes came after. I don't know who said what because I was already in the dead zone....

"Okay, so instead of a white..."

"He's blue."

"Oh...right, so lets change a blue Captain Planet, obviously modelled after a white male I might add, into a non-binary, gender neutral, CIS.....Okay, I see the blank looks on everybody's faces. I don't know what any of that is either, but I saw it on social media so it must have some type of following."

"Our Captain Planet shouldn't be all powerful like a Superman. Captain Planet needs to have a weakness, a flaw that we can exploit for further revenue."

"How about a constant fever which we can use as a commentary on global warming, but in the big twist it is actually because of the AIDS virus which then we can parlay that into an additional commentary on lifestyle diversity and Captain Planet could wear the modern 'Scarlett A' as a badge of honor!"

"Captain Planet's goal should be to reduce pollution. Ah shit, that means we need villains."

"WHITE PEOPLE!" (from multiple people)

"Whoa whoa whoa, if we do that then we could offend the Arab and fossil fuel demographics. Remember, we need to be all inclusive to maximize our revenue. At the very least, make the villains unidentified Canadians or Europeans."

"We have to consider PETA too. They frown upon goat fuckers."

"Show some class Trent. You are confusing farmers with oil barons, and actually its sheep that have the most similar....never mind."

"Lets get back on track here. God, I feel like I'm on the Hamtramck Music Festival committee. Despite being all inclusive, we should not bring up the environment too much."

"Now I'm confused. How can we ensure we include everybody, yet still offend?"

"Okay, enough, lets just agree to reboot Captain Planet but leave out any references to the environment or the planet."

"But the name of the character is Captain Planet!"

"We could get Tilda Swinton to play the title character."

"Wait, is this live action or animated? And did we decide on a villain yet?"

"WHITE PEOPLE!" (multiple people)

"We have yet to decide on whether we want a live action or animated reboot."

"Should we make him, or her, wait did we even decide on that?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well, Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse had multiple Spidermen which covered all demographics and it won an Oscar."

"So are we doing multiple Captain Planets then?"

"No! There's one planet and one Captain Planet. We can flesh out his or hers, oh whatever we decide it is' team with anybody we forgot, just as long as we cover all the checkmarks."

"But our version already has all of the checkmarks. Does she still need a team then? I mean we could double down on multiple demographics with a ragtag team which could appeal to the demographic that don't go to the movies with the hope they go to the movies."

"Wait, is this a feature film or television series?"

"We haven't decided yet, I think."

"Do you think we should make Captain Planet black instead of blue?"

"No, blue is the new black."

"But he was blue in the original."

"Well shit fire! We need to find a way to sway the white demographic and the only way is to leave a little call back to the original. Our Captain Planet is blue. Plus, that way we won't offend any actual person of color. This isn't brain surgery, its marketing. Out is the new in, and I think we have a hit!"

At this point the mailman drops off the mail, carefully avoiding the flower garden as usual, along with the pool, although that is a different house by the beach, yet still on his route.
"Hey Bryan, don't these posts usually tie into something Michigan local?" Scott asks.
"Nothing to tie into anymore," my depressed sigh of a reply.
"Dad sent the check!" Trent shouts after opening the mail.
"Thank god. Fuck Captain Planet," I hear somebody say as I slide and fall asleep.





*Author's Note- Of course this is fiction and unfortunately there is no Captain Planet reboot in the works. I do have to say that this was one of my favorite pieces that I have written because it was fun, even though some parts depressed me. After finishing, I actually contemplated this would be the last post of the year because it touches on the lack of anything interesting in the local scene along with the comical state of the social landscape. I think I covered all the bases. I am especially proud of the conversation section. Just take a minute and imagine what it is like in a Disney/Marvel boardroom. Its very quite possible that that conversation has already, or will, happen. This post was of course satire, but the great thing about satire is that it can turn scary very quickly and somebody who would never publicly agree or "like" the post would shudder and say, "Oh shit, he has a point.". Then it becomes not satire, but a scary fact, or something like that. Anyway, Yowie Wowie and thanks for reading!





Okay, Okay I couldn't resist tying this into something local. The BASH Fest at the Trumbullplex that has zero buzz aside from a FB event page and my preview on this site, released the official flyer which was designed by some derelict from Dear Darkness. Here is a cap of the flyer.




Jesus Christ if that isn't the worst looking, unreadable thing I have ever seen. Timmy Organism has puked out better looking things. So lets deconstruct it. Number 1, solely going by the flyer, I have no idea who is playing. I managed to make out Girl Fight, Gobzilla, Jear Darkmass, Arson Betty, Pancho Villa's Skull, Rak, Zzvaya, and Fat Angry Homo. I already previewed this fest (which multiple acts have dropped off already and been replaced by acts nobody has heard of and may not actually be real acts whose act will probably consist of a George Michael cover, an ironic yet unironic Amy Grant cover, and closes with a cover of Bowie's "Heroes" to send everybody home happy) so if you need to clarify any names do it there. I'm just going by the poster.

-Next up lets point out the fact that the address on the house is different than the address in the by-line. Sure it could be a duplex, but c'mon. I did Google Map both addresses and can officially confirm that 4208 is close to 4210.

-Now lets get to the verbiage on the poster! From what I could read, "All proceeds will benefit grapes lighting racism one islamophobia." Maybe they should benefit people with autism who have access to pens and markers. Obviously, the person who came up with this flyer did not benefit from the art supplies donated to Hamtramck Public schools by Hamtramck Music Fest.

- Oh man, and this gem: "Racists waging war on the wageless poor. Every corner is liquor, but no grocery store."  Ooooooookay so is this an indictment on the Arab population or even worse, delving into stereotypes and ironically Islamophobia, the very thing you are protesting against, which by the way would be hilarious and trump anything I have ever written. But really, how could you include that on the freaking flyer??!! Or is this a stand against the grocery corporations' refusal to have more sites downtown which is extremely frustrating because it eliminates the ready-made gentrification complaint that people who don't really live in Detroit like to fall back on. So which is it?? I assume they mean big box grocery stores like Kroger or Meijer because most liquor stores, oh sorry, I mean convenience stores serve food. In fact a perennial "Best Burger" finalist serves out of a freaking gas station at Ford and Wyoming (I hope the check is in the mail, Taystee's) Obviously, whoever wrote that blurb never visited the liquor store across from Smalls. I bought a fucking t-shirt there once. A shirt! In fact it was a three pack. If I wanted to, I'd have had a salad. I assume they mean mom and pop local, homegrown establishments which is fine but then opens up the can of worms that is the Hamtramck/Detroit real estate market. If there are any other local journalists who aren't bought and paid for, that subject is a gold mine. You're welcome.

Finally, here is the first comment. Hey Joan, you're famous!


This is a real comment. Everything before the Captain Planet pic was fiction/satire. Everything after is real. I couldn't stop laughing at "high anxiety". This is a real person. These are real people! I do have to note that I saw the flyer and "Generation Wuss'" Joan's comment two days after I wrote the Planet piece. This is where we are at. If I had any motivation I would add Joan's comment to my post of excuses why somebody can't go to a show. Oh, and before I go, fuck you Trumbullplex, the self proclaimed anarchist haven but blocks anybody who has an opinion other than yours. Not a prediction but a spoiler, I can't wait until that day comes when the man (or woman, or tran) comes calling and the building becomes another husk in Detroit, or even better, a grocery store.. Not that anybody would notice based on how it currently is being kept up. Hell, maybe even make it into El Club 2. Okay, there I was just kidding.

-Finally, finally, this meme has been making the rounds today. I don't know if this is a real person or a satire account, but honestly can anybody tell nowadays?


After re-reading it a cuppa times I am still not sure if this is real or a goof account, but this is the stuff that pops up everywhere, polluting my social media feed. They even had a kernel of a good point regarding the expanse between education demographics. That's the angle to run with. Nahhh lets turn it to the go-to white supremacy for "likes" and retweets instead of offering solutions. I even felt guilty typing "expanse" back there. Well, at the very least we now know why that white supremacist Milo took down the Deep Cutz blog...

That's all for now. Bye bye! See you soon! And don't forget to let...me....in.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro







Thursday, June 13, 2019

Metro At The Movies

Hey all, Metro here. As many of the Constant Readers know, I love going to the movies. The thrill of seeing somebody's vision come to fruition on the silver screen combined with popcorn with way too much butter and salt (the doctor advised me, ominously, to "cut it out"). Heck, they don't have to even be on the big screen. Back when we were fab and a band I remember many a day where we used to have "band practice" but never practiced (we had already won a Detroit Music Award by that time so why waste any more time) and just sat around, drank, and watched cinema. I remember one particular, hung over, next day, after a show, double feature with the Larry Bishop biker film "Hellride" and a Crispin Glover project "The Wizard of Gore" where he plays a twisted magician and has the line, "I will cut you piece by piece. I will open you up, then you can see I am not the magician. I am the trick," which was followed by an emphatic, "Bitch". It was a completely wasted (ha ha) day spent with Bad Chad and Fat Fuck Chris.

Of course you have seen my year end lists and year beginning previews here, and I am even in the process of editing my first ever screenplay, "Piss Bag" (formerly called "Holy Shit!"), where a small group of survivors are trapped in a restaurant's bathroom during an epidemic where if you smell something bad then you die. Trying to hop on that sensory horror trend bandwagon like....well never mind. The climax is a homage to The Shining when a urinal begins to rupture, burst, and overflow and spew piss as the doomed supporting cast (all stars of shows on the CW) tear out their eyes.

I digress. After catching up on today's Patty Winters Show which was a two part episode with Part 1 being "How Does Kelly Pickler Maintain that Hardbody?" and the second half delving into if Kelly Pickler actually is a real person, I ended up lurking around a few social media film groups I belong to where I primarily tell everybody they're wrong (even if I know they're right ha ha), and came across a film from 2011 that I have never heard of before today. The title is "Blubberella" and well, ummmm here is the poster...




The film instantly caught my eye, so I hopped over to Imdb to learn more while silently cursing myself for not being aware of this back in 2011 when I was at my peak nastiness. Blubberella is currently sitting at a 2.4 rating on Imdb, but I expect that to rise once my fan base sees this post and seeks it out. The Imdb page might be more entertaining than the movie, but probably not. It is directed by Uwe Boll, widely considered to be the worst director currently alive. Boll is pulling double duty in this one and also has a supporting role playing somebody named "Hitler". Clint Howard, the Timmy's Organism lookalike, is 2nd billed on the poster. His role is "Doctor" which means he's probably in one scene. Also of note, the Imdb "recommendations" for this film include a feature called "Auschwitz" which I bookmarked for further review. Other characters in the main cast include Prostitute, Prostitute, Masseuse, and somebody named "Vadge". I was stunned not to see local nobody Jimmy Doom in the cast as one of his his go-to characters "The Homeless Man", "Bum", "Tugboat Captain", "Hillbilly", or "Inbred Savage". Also of note is that the lead actress is listed only as "Blubberella". Usually in these superhero movies they have a dual listing, an example being Chris Evans as "Steve Rogers/Captain America". Not here. Its just "Blubberella".

I skipped over to some of the user reviews which included, "She kills Nazis by sitting on their face," and "Some may be offended because it includes white people in blackface," (I was mildly concerned they emphasized only "some"), and finally, "An awful travesty of a film." I scrolled back up to read the synopsis. Uh, this is it:
"Its 1940 and the German army is oozing their ickiness across the European continent. On the Eastern Front a motley group of Resistance fighters led by Nathaniel and "Vadge" struggle valiantly against the Nazi scourge. The German army, led by the Commandant, the shadow puppet, a mad showtunes singing Doctor (Human Eye), and the newly addicted to blood Lieutenant threatens to eradicate the Resistance. But coming to the rescue is Blubberella, half-vampire, half-woman, all trouble. Blubberella loves nothing more than killing Nazis and a substantial turkey on rye. She has moved through the centuries destroying nasties while perfecting the ultimate cotton candy recipe. Blubberella and the Commandant face each other in a rail car and after an unseemly exchange of bodily fluids, the Commandant becomes infected by Blubberella…..

Okay, that's enough. After re-reading it twice, I jumped to the credit list after realizing this was written/filmed in 2009/2010 which was the bone season for me, a complete fog. I am not listed as a writer, so it looks like "Holy Shit!", I mean "Piss Bag" will still be my first feature. But before then, if anybody out there has a copy of "Blubberella" please contact me so I can finally watch it. If you know anyone who is not a Constant Reader but may have a DVD of it please contact them to let them know I need to see this. Maybe the Drinkard Sisters?

Finally, the trailer for "Doctor Sleep" came out today. For those who don't read books, it is the sequel to The Shining. Now as many of you know, The Shining is my favorite movie and the book is in my Top 10. They are two different entities and can be enjoyed separately for different aesthetic reasons. So of course I was intrigued that they are turning the book sequel into a movie sequel. My parents got me the book for Christmas Worshipper Day one year but I leant it to my mom to read first who then boxed it up and is now lost in the basement, so I have yet to read it. Anyway here is the trailer:
Doctor Sleep

My trailer review: Well it has my interest. I like the casting of Ewan McGregor as the adult Danny. He is good in everything he's in (even Star Wars prequels). Thank god Jordan Peele the new "master of horror" is far away from this as he most likely would have Danny Torrance grow up to be a black gender-neutral and instead of a cult of vampires he would have to deal with social media. I like that it seems to stay faithful to the book (which I haven't read yet, but am familiar with). I like the cult aspect of the antagonists. I'm curious that they have several call backs to Kubrick's Shining, including some that seem to have been reshot, because King didn't care for Kubrick's version which makes this a sequel to the movie version or the book version or both. You tell me. I'm still not sold on the title because for the average idiot filmgoer they would have no idea it was a sequel to The Shining which is what makes the trailer successful by using a lot of cues to it. I still think King could have come up with a title more closely tied to the original, something like "We All Shine On", which actually is the song lyric that inspired the title for the original. I'm not a fan of the outdoor scenes shown because they lack the isolation and dread of Kubrick, but I'm willing to give it a chance. I think the production has a high hill to climb given the aura of the original along with Jack being an icicle, Shelly Duvall currently in a UFO, and no ni..nice cook. But I'm already adding it to my must see 2019 list, and you should too! I did get a slight chill hearing Walter/Wendy Carlos' synth version of Hector Berlioz's "Symphonie Fantastique" at the end of the trailer so of course I'm sold.

And for the brain dead out there, the new Men in Black movie that seems to have a billion dollar marketing campaign selling out for about a billion endorsements (and the NBA Finals) and that nobody I know or have heard even wants to see is trending at a toxic 28% on Rotten Tomatoes. One thing I noticed is that every review has received the memo to point out that Tessa Thompson is the "lone shining spot". Heaven forbid posting an honest review about a shitty movie, yet have to choose your words carefully or else be branded a racist or misogynist. Same thing happened with Donald Glover and "Solo". Ah fuck it, who cares.

I am interested in the zombie movie "The Dead Don't Die" because of its (well publicized) cast. I am concerned because the reviews have been tepid with most saying the eclectic cast was basically wasted aside from Adam Driver, but even more concerned by the divide in audience reaction. Those who haven't seen it can't wait to see it, but those who have were thoroughly disappointed. Did I mention that it is directed by Jim Jarmusch who may be the only filmmaker who can make a zombie movie with Bill Murray boring. I'm too lazy to see if Jarmusch was on my "Overrated" list, but he should be. Totally overrated. Late period Bill Murray needs to stay away from Jarmusch and Wes Anderson (also overrated) and just stick to singing karaoke with college kids.

 Anyway, that's it for my weekly column and trip to the movies. This is one of the most boring summers I've experienced in the local scene so I will try my best to have a new post up once a week. It is becoming more and more difficult to write these days; not because of the trend of every opinion being deconstructed, but because everything's just so boring. Sometimes I just want to see a fat chick sit on a Nazi's face, or take a trip back to the Overlook Hotel. Maybe the next post could be about all the acts that have dropped out and replaced at that B.A.S.H. Fest at Trumbullplex. Ah who cares. Nobody's going to that anyway. Thanks for reading and I'll see you in hell.

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

Monday, June 3, 2019

June Potpourri

Hey all, Metro here and its already June and I realized I haven't posted any new content in about a week, not that there isn't anything going on, but okay lets be serious, there isn't anything going on, and people are complaining and/or taunting that the comments aren't what they used to be but what do you want me to do, put on my own Fest? I've said countless (3) times that I write for myself and if anyone reads or comments then its just garnish. I don't really have a specific topic for this week's post so I thought it would be cool to just riff on what's on my mind, potpourri if you are a Jeopardy junkie, or just a plain junkie. I don't judge.

First off, I don't think I've ever written about food here before. Truth be told, I'm not a "foodie". I recently cut my MMA cut weight to a smooth 135lbs from a personal high of 148 six years ago, and admit to being a picky eater. Plus I hate going out and eat tacos pretty much every night. If I had started writing about food sooner I'd be the Detroit News Restaurant Editor by now. Their loss, at least people read my posts.

I am a simple man with simple tastes. I usually stick with steak, burgers (no cheese), tacos (no cheese), or Buddy's pizza (no cheese) and avoid Arabic, Indian, or Italian cuisine. I think the only time I'll eat cheese is if I ever go to jail for the crime of posting my opinion on the internet. My friend Kentucky Pete once advised me a decade ago that if I ever was to go to jail, I should "eat a lot of cheese and not wipe."

Since we're on the subject of food (how's that for a segue?), I want to let everybody know that my favorite burger place, Miller's Bar in Dearborn, has a great deal during the month of June! Every Monday and Tuesday in June you can get a world famous burger, fries, and a beer (or a soda if ya queer) for only $10. Millers is my favorite burger joint because of its simplicity. I don't want a burger with what looks like a Russell Street derelict's underwear after a cheap heroin mishap on my burger (by the way, what happened to the Narcan Kit fad?....ahhhh, another post, another day). Just get me the burger and I'll do the rest. Here is the ad you have to present, either via print or on your smart phone.


 One offer per person so Hip in Detroit will have to cash out, leave, and then come back. Every time I see a Miller's Post there's always the goof that says the same comment, "Oh they're not as good as they used to be." Usually this is a shill for a different burger joint, one without a loyal fanbase. Vinsetta Garage I'm looking, no staring, right at you. I've been eating there for 20+ years and have never been disappointed except for my first time when I didn't know about the no menu and cash only and honor system. It's a decent deal and if The Undertaker wasn't on Monday Night Raw tonight I'd probably be there.

Next up, we have the final push for this year's Dally in the Alley. There are submissions open for bands, along with designing the poster and t-shirt. There is also an application for food vendors, but I sure as hell am not filling that trainwreck out. Here are the links for both (find the food one on your own ya big dummies):
Band Submissions!
Artist Submissions!

Of course I applied for both despite being one of only two remaining members of the band, JCM, and I was destroyed when I found out the Asian sold his bass guitar. I wanted to do my best Bill from "Kill Bill Vol.2" impression and say, "You sold a JCM bass guitar! It was priceless." His reply actually was, "Not in Redford it ain't." Ironically, and this is true, he got the same amount that Bud did for pawning his Hatori Hanzo sword. $250. I played it on the three digit and lost. Anyway, its time for screencaps of my Dally applications so you know I put in the effort!




Metro back for a minute. Here are the "previous artwork" I submitted:




Here is the rest of the application.
I tried my best and hope that I win the design!



Whew, that was exhausting. Hope I make the cut this year. I've never played a Dally before, but previous members have and I hear its a great turnout and would bring good exposure to the four songs I can still play/remember.
Last up we have the trailer for the last Rambo movie where he pretty much eliminates any further border disputes.  Have a happy June and I'll see you soon, but only if you "Let Me In."

Grab your paper towel, Rambo's back!


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Jukebox