Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

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Friday, June 29, 2018

Bryan Metro National TV Debut

Hey all, Metro here.  I am very excited to announce that I will be making my feature TV debut on CBS.  I have been selected as a primary vocalist for the gimmicky "Rockin 1000" Detroit episode.  1000 of the top musicians in the Detroit area will converge on Hart Plaza to perform a song that is synonymous with the city of Detroit, and every sports team in the country, "Seven Nation Army" by White Stripes.

This event will be taped for an episode of  CBS's Amazing Race (oops sry), and I will be a primary vocalist representing this great musical city.  The application process was extremely stressful as I had to create a profile along with submitting a video why I am qualified to participate in such an event.  Thankfully I passed with flying colors, and am now secluded practicing for 9 hours a day.  I am currently sitting next to 6 jars of piss and have ruined a mic due to vomiting directly into it during a take due to stress. However, I believe I can pull my shit together in time for the July 3rd taping.

The Rockin 1000 website is very helpful in terms of details.  There is still time to apply (Oh fuck I hope I didn't just give Caveman Woodman and Bum Bum any ideas) and they have a plethora of information such as times, location, lunch, and amount of guns allowed in Hart Plaza.  Everybody accepted has the option to make their profile public or private.  I have chosen to make mine public as I am a primary vocalist that will be featured on network tv representing this great city.  There is a link where you can view everybody accepted along with their role and profile as long as they made it public.  You can view them here.  (I'm under "Voice")
The Elite of Detroit

Okay, now pump the brakes.  I don't know anybody on the list either. Not a single goddamn person.  Which makes it so much better for me as I am the biggest name out of all the public profiles and this guarantees much more tv time than these other schlomos. I think me bragging about a 9 year old Detroit Music Award played a part in this.  In between working on memorizing the words to the song(taking forever) I have been stressing as to what to wear for the taping. Should it be a copyright infringement special from the Hype Ignition geezer?  Nahhh, no free publicity.  Should it be the homemade "Size 12 Pig"?  No can do.  The rules say no white shirts.  Things like this make being a media darling difficult but I am sure I will come up with something.

Also I suspect that many of those accepted have elected to keep their profiles private because they would catch some heat/made fun of from the local music community.  Allow me to give an example:  Those geezer pussies in The Muggs have signed up and will be participating in this event, but you won't see that on the page.  It's pretty sad really.  I am doing this as an obvious joke and a ploy to get the JCM brand on national tv before the MANDATORY SHUT DOWN DATE OF OCT. 8TH.  With The Muggs, it's just kind of sad.  Really pathetic, but not surprising because they haver tried and failed at reality tv in the past. Its not gonna happen guys.  Okay, now I'm depressing myself. Gotta go!

Wait! Since I have your attention, I have another teaser for a teaser of a teaser for a flier.  #run

From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro


Anonymous said...

You realize this is the DMA's of tv/participation award right?

Bryan Metro said...

Jesus Christ, read the post. I'm treating like a gag/publicity stunt where everybody else is taking it seriously. I don't know why I do this anymore and can't wait for Oct. 8th. You idiots don't deserve this.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 7:39 - You realize you're an idiot right?

Bryan Metro said...

Serious question: If a self-proclaimed "activist band" has a record release show at the venue they book at/own who just cowardly cancelled the JCM show and nobody shows....does it make a sound? A whimper maybe? No?