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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Help!!! A dilemma!

Hey folks Metro here.  I have made the call to do just one written Podcast per week since some people like it and others don't.  However, I am in a pinch right now.
This afternoon I received a text from the Hamtramck Labor Day Festival regarding my volunteer application.  Now I have vague memories of filling out the application but don't really remember what I put on it.  Apparently, my phone number was one.  I may have referenced the HamFest/Ben's Encore stuff in the "about me" section, but it was probably 3 in the morning and I most likely drunk so there may not have even been an "about me" section. 

Anyway, I digress.  So my volunteer app was approved by the Labor Day committee and I have the Saturday evening shift if I choose to accept. First off, much respect to the committee for actually responding to the app (I've been ignored in the past by other fests, fairs, and Blowout.  With Blowout I could understand because I tried to volunteer when I was scheduled to play and wanted to work the door during the show).
But I have a dilemma.  In the time since filling out the app I have acquired primo Tigers tickets for that day.  So lets take a look at the pros and cons.....

Tigers Pro's-  Primo seats + potential to sleep with Prince Fielder's wife (if she's there).

Tigers Con's-  The season is basically over and everyone is hurt or on waivers.

Labor Day Fest Pro's-  The opportunity to help out the local community by offering my services free of charge, and my services are always 100% maxed out bay-bay, something the Hamtramck community isn't used to based on what I saw earlier this year with the Music Fest.  The feeling of satisfaction seen in a young child's eyes who has not been exposed to the horrors that await them (while I steal some of his popcorn).  Finally, the opportunity to multi-task and cover the event for the Lavender Blog and give the local music readers the type of honest coverage you won't find from your Hip in Detroit's or Milo's...

Labor Day Fest Con's-  Emphasis on "con's".  I mean really.  I have spent the entire year, hell the entire past 10 years ribbing, poking, exposing (no pedo), the local music scene and out of nowhere they extend an olive branch??!!  Something is amiss in the state of Denmark (for you Faulkner fans).  Not sure if I buy it.  I am to meet in a "parking lot near the car wash on Caniff".  Seems reasonable.  Then I checked the acts who would be playing during my shift:
Dear Darkness-  Sucks.  Total feminazi headcases who like to get people get kicked off bills. What do we got here?  A cuppa bitches? A cuppa bitches?  What next? Asia Muck parking cars?

The Idiot Kids-  Okay gotta be careful here.  They're a really cool band who is getting a well-deserved push and are already signed to Jett Pizza Records (see what I did there? Cool, now see what I really did there?), so all the best to them.  Whew, I made it through without even a Lee reference....  OH DAMMIT!
Anyway, here is a clip of an interview with them with Sadie from Hip in Detroit.  I can't vouch for the entire interview because I only made it to the 0.13 mark where she said "I wanted to get to know you for MYSELFS".  I'm not making this up.  There are so many ways to dissect that.  See for yourselfs!

Craig Brown Band-  You all know I am a huge fan of this act.  Okay, my hypocrisy only goes so far, Wyatt.  I have made a year out of roasting these chumps (and this is coming as an admirer of Terrible Twos).  This act is so forced....forced in so many ways, the whole country angle to appease Third Man Records, the whole forced down everybody's throats at every single major show there is, the whole drunk version of the Jamaican Queens gimmick where you can switch out drugs with booze, "Oh look, I'm drunk, look how drunk I look in these professionally shot promo pics."  So lame.  And the backup band.... What da we got here?  A cuppa passes?  A cuppa passes?

The only thing missing from this stellar lineup is Queen Kwong.  That would make it a Royal Flush of Ass.  But we all know why she won't be there.  I covered that a few posts ago.  She hates Detroit and probably there was little to promote/profit from a lowly Labor Day Fest. (Craig Brown you have a ways to go my friend).
If I decide to volunteer and show up at the parking lot I fully expect Joe Don Baker to be there with a cuppa guys with 2 pipes and a bike chain....

But wouldn't it make for a good story?  So, help me out constant readers.  What does one choose?


From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, its official. I have never seen somebody give as many zero fucks around here.

Anonymous said...

I chuckled at the Jet's Pizza non-reference reference. I would vote you not volunteer and enjoy the game.

Anonymous said...

Maybe once all the dust settled people came to see that you are a well intentioned person in a town where we all have big mouths. Good for you! I would take the compliment either way.

Bryan Metro said...

Yikes....did not expect close to a hundred unique page views along with comments this quick. I guess you can say that I have well intentions, but that would make me a hypocrite. All these years I have wanted nothing more than those pulling the strings in the local music scene to crash and burn. Lately, I stumbled (I'm not that good really) on the HamFest corruption and the potential for exploitation of young'uns, and that kinda pissed me off. And like Commentor #1 said, I give zero fucks. I'm not one of the lemmings who like everybody and anything just so they can play the same set list/show they have for years. You think I care if a blog post gets me barred from the next Fest? Then you haven't been reading. Thanks for reading.

Anonymous said...

Metro in insane-mode....

Anonymous said...

You don't care about being barred from anything, because you don't go anywhere.

Anonymous said...

Correction: you won't go anywhere.

Bryan Metro said...

That's actually hilarious and complete bullshit. I regularly post where I will be, and when the band was active we had constant pussy threats for our shows and sure enough, when we played we packed the place with people looking for the worst and something different (we delivered), but the funny thing was, all the people who threatened us (Hellmouth, various local sandwich makers) never did shit, so you have to understand how I would be bored by this same old same old.

Bryan Metro said...

Also, for the 2nd to last Blowout I did an extensive coverage of the logistical issues with moving it to 3 cities and said where I would be. Zero issues, classic coverage including a venue that dropped off and interview with owner. I don't know what else you want me to do. Are you salivating for me to cover Labor Day Fest? Well I just might, and if I do, you can be the first person to make me a sandwich.

Anonymous said...

Have you made a decision yet?

Bryan Metro said...

I think I have. But before I get into that I just thought of a really funny pop culture reference. After watching 0.13 seconds of the Idiot Kids interview I posted and seeing the Craig Brown Band being shoved everywhere I can't help but think of the scene in Boogie Nights when the Colonel shows up to Jack's New Years party with these scab kids saying "Jack this is the future of the business." Cracking up. It's so bloody similar.

Papa John said...

I don't get the Jet's Pizza Records reference. Can you explain?

Bryan Metro said...

It was a play off of Jet Plastic Records. I thought "Jet's" and immediately thought pizza. Just a play on words; a pun if you will. I have been known to poke fun at local acts, even those I am friends with. Completely harmless.

However, I do have to go on a tangent here that I in no way condone the exploitation of young'uns, especially those not quite of age. This blog does have a history of no tolerance with taking advantage of young people starting with the Matthew Dallas/15 year old thing a few years ago, and have been consistent since then. Meat markets aren't cool you geezers.

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