Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

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Monday, March 6, 2017

Final HamFest Post-The Have Nots

Hey all, Metro checking in with what will probably be the last of the 2017 Hamtramck Music Festival posts.
I hope that it is a fitting coda for a Festival celebrating community, equality, celebration, controversy, and corruption.  I waited until a day after the Fest to post this post in tribute to the actual Fest waiting until a day after kickoff show to post their "Survival Guide", finally profiling the bands that are playing, and a "Survival Guide" that previewed bands that played the night before....  Okay, I ramble, the theme of this post is The Have Nots.  As my constant readers know, I did a series of posts previewing all of the acts initially announced.  Was it rude? Yeahhhhh probably.  Was it funny?  Yeahhhhh maybe.  Were tops requested to be doffed? Yeahhhhhhh no comment.  Did it have boobs? Kinda.  Did it set off a series of events that imploded the entire Fest?  I honestly don't know.

So, allow me to bring back the format and take the time to revue all of the acts that were added to replace the acts that were booted, dropped out, etc.  I warn, there are quite a few.  Granted, half of them are doing double duty having already been booked under different names/bands and the other half consist of bands that did not make the initial cut of 180 FUCKING LOCAL BANDS!  Disclaimer: As always I search for the act on Facebook and Youtube and review the first song/video I find.  Let's Dance!

The Have Nots

Hon. Mention to Colorwheel who actually appeared in the original preview and according to their FB, dropped out the day of their set.  Nahhhh, nothing to see here.........

HMF All Star Jam/Rap Battle-  One of my laugh out loud favorites. Didn't even make their official "survival guide".  I'm assuming it was just everybody who had already played.  Did anybody even go?  They should have just had a rep from the committee read the e-mail they sent out saying "Hey, we need to kill time at the 11pm slot at Painted Lady." And really, what an insult to all the other real bands playing around town at 11pm that they are not considered "HMF All Stars".  Wasn't that the theme this year.  We are all Stars?

Infinite Land of Make Believe- Aka, a typical Thursday emergency meeting from the HMF Committee.  J/K.  Actually, FB and Youtube brought up nothing.  Now if the Fest had even a sense of wit, this set would consist of total silence.  We're off to a great start.  Expect many more like this, I'm guessing....

696 Blues Band- "Live at Elijah's"-  Actually found something!!!! 26 minutes of a soundcheck.  Pass.

Jaye Thomas- Dude from Rogue Satellites. Double duty pass zone.

Krillin-  "Various FB posts"-  Bunch of theater geeks who typically take themselves too seriously (I would know).

Audfeed- "Live at Loving Touch"- Presented by Truth Porn Militia.  Oh, we really are off to a great start.  Musically, actually, not bad at all.  Our first winner!

Anthony Retka's Big Parade- Double duty.  Played the SAME DAY as "Anthony Retka" at Cafe 1923.

The Plague Suns- Another act nothing to be found

Village Wives-  "Album Teaser"-  I did not have any issue with this at all. Good demo song.

Analog Lights- "Live at Smalls"-  This, I believe, was to originally be a set from "Run From the Fest....I mean Future".  Decent stuff.  Well produced.  No problem.

The next three were all to be at PLAV #10 after the Feminazi Social Justice Warriors lost their shit (more on that in a bit)...

Blue Black Hours- "Waltz Around the Sun"-  Psyche-jam band sleepy time.

Human Skull- "Putting On"-  They're no Human Eye, but they are at least having a good time.

Chaw- Just found a bunch of FB posts.  Got bored quick.

Steve Greene- Guy from Voyag3r.  I almost misspelled it out of principle.  A double DQ!  Double duty already playing + disqualification for stupid band name spelling.  Yerrrrrr outta here!

Sold Only at Curio- "Break Away"-  Not my thing, but at least they're having fun.  Almost skipped them solely by name.

The nest two are from the original JCM Showcase...

W.O.M.B- They don't get a proper revue because they didn't actually play, but they got a Gold Sturr for this:  They are the only act to have been pluggen in to replace a booted band (JCM) and then dropped out also.  They hit for the cycle.  I wish I was making this up....

Red Rose- The band that replaced the band that replaced JCM.  I found nothing on FB/Youtube.  Should have just kept JCM to begin with.  Crying laughing.

Five Piece Problem- "Live at Lager"-  I initially thought that this was a makeshift band of HamFest Committee members.  I was wrong.  Decent rock.  Best part was pudgy James Parsons/Wang frontman.

Sugar Bombs- Lots of FB but little actual content.  Yerrrrrr out!

Tony Nova- Took too long to find out who this actually is.   Yerrrrrr outta here!

Bave-  Found nothing again......I hope you appreciate the effort I am putting into this...

   And now we come to our finale:  The Trixies Showcase.   As you probably know, this was where White Shamed....er....Shag was supposed to play and the bands dropped/were booted, the booker went nutty; ah man, its all a haze at this point.  Anyway, three of the four acts are new except for "Tammi".  However, "Tammi" was on my first prevue and I found nothing.  For the sake of this narrative, let's just assume that the original "Tammi" was replaced with a completely different "Tammi", and we'll go from there:

All City Cypher-  Couldn't find shit.  Next.....oh, no.....

Sntnck Presents- Furious vs. Coney- If you think I'm Googling this nonsense then you are a fool of yourself.  Let's just call it a Tunde side project and call it a day.

Wizard the Girl-  No content.  Are you surprised at this point?  Just FB self-promotion.  Almost passed completelt based on the band name.

Well that's it for all of the acts that were in "All hands on deck" mode for 2017 HMF.  And now the Coda.......

The Coda

Okay so....The Nutso's at the Seraphine Collective pulled out from the Fest (PLAV Hall #10 to be specific) very much like Queen Kwong did in order to push the JCM off of the Fest.  Cracking up at the fact Queen Kwong hopped back on once JCM was kicked off, and to their integrity, used a phony "Go Fund Me" that had the nerve to post a serious t-shirt campaign based off a JCM GonFundMe joke post about selling a "glamour shot" (never mentioned "nude") that they turned into yet another SJW campaign, a galvanizing t-shirt gimmick to benefit blah blah.  Full disclosure:  I never posted the glamour pic and it actually was going to be a shot of the Limp Bizkit dude.  Please go back to L.A. airhead....

Now.....we get to the Seraphine Collective.  Social Justice Warriors.  Feminazis.  They got what they wanted by havind Band X kicked off the Fest and then went ahead and booked a show at UFO Club, a non-HamTramck venue even after the Band X was booted.  Oh fucking spare me.  You got your way, band booted, and still booked a secondary show???  You fake feminists are the worst.  We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!We want more!

They had a wonderfully positive slogan plastered there everywhere saying "Stop Rape Culture" that they happily pasted on t-shirts that people like Gabe Dodson was wearing, wandering around, probably not even knowing what "rape culture" even means......The SAME Gabe Dodson who sexually harassed a female fan of the JCM actually asking "Which one of them are you fucking?" only to pull it an hour later.  Yeah, that Gabe Dodson.  I apologize for not having a screenshot, but he pulled it quick.  At least he knows..... and should buy a comb. Old as Fuck Empire indeed... To paraphrase instead from tyour pal at the Committee:, I truly hope to never see you again..".  My aside: To Laura Rock, at any time feel free to removie his foot from his mouth.  And yuck, I'm sorry."

The Coda of a Coda

To all the bands who were booted-Thank you for wanting to have a good time.
To all the bands who were booked-  Thank you for a good time.
To all the bands who filled in-  Thank you for playing and making sure everybody who bought a wristband got a full show.
To the bands/venues; booker/venues- Thank you for backing out, raising awareness and thank you for staying on, so HamTown could have their Fest.

Yeah, I contradicted myself a bit near the end, but I am at my most honest now.  The 2017 HMF was a fest of chaos and contradiction.  So lastly I would like to thank ME, because, lets be honest for a minute, if it weren't for me, none of this would have even happened.  Goodbye.

From the Iceman Commethh,
Bryan Metro


Anonymous said...

And that's that....

Anonymous said...

The Dodson stuff is dead on. Dude is a slug....

Anonymous said...

Dodson is a yellow fucking creep! Seraphine Collective is pathetic too. Got their way and then still had a show compete w/ the fest they tried to destroy. They give me & a lot of other real feminists a bad taste in my mouth regarding feminism. Assholes

Anonymous said...

Now that's one helluva wrap-up

Anonymous said...

FYI Voyag3r had to drop out of the fest due to a medical emergency. It had nothing to do with the stupid SJW uproar. Just wanted to add that. Carry on.

just_a_grrl said...

Thank you.

I'm going to chime in with four more words in summation of Metro and this year's coverage/exposure of HMF: Best In The World.

Aw, hell... You know what? Make it five: Best In The Fucking World.

Anonymous said...

What did Metro actually do

My turn to chime in with an objective view of what happened.

1. JCM gets invited to HMF. They want to play their farewell show or something. They have no issues playing the HMF and all that it stands for
2. Like always, they take a bunch of cheap shots at many bands playing (no biggy) but one in particular – Queen Kwong doesn’t like it
3. They are from out of state and aren’t used to being objectified by creepy Detroit trolls so they say “what kind of music fest are you running here?” and they back out of the HMF
4. HMF then kicks JCM off the bill because of their misogynistic attitude and so they can beg Queen Kwong to come back and play
5. JMC is pissed off but were perfectly fine in playing HMF up until that point – festival warts and all
6. BM start investigating the festival for revenge
7. He exposes that there is something fishy about the charity, filings, taxes and money that actually goes to the charity. (good on you for this one) HMF is properly embarrassed
8. BM exposes some other creepy band guy saying “this fucker was charged with some sort of sexual assaults (by 12 women) and he’s way worse than JCM and he should be kicked off the bill too if JCM is kicked off (agree it’s way worse – he paid for his crime but he still is a sex offender on record and he has to live with that the rest of his life - but that doesn’t excuse JCM for going to war with a lot of folks over the years with degrading and bulling remarks, particularly about women and the way they look. BM, you always ignore this point but it’s a fact and your mother, sister, aunt, grandmother and any other important women in your life would agree with if you would let them read your past post. If they do agree with what you write, then I understand that your upbringing may have a lot to do with your total lack of class at times) Still, we don’t know how many people have criminal records that play in bands – my guess is many, maybe jr – don’t know – does drunk driving count? Endangering lives of innocent people? Where does it stop? But, I get it, bad dude and he's got to go
9. Then all hell breaks loose but honestly I went Saturday night and it was the same as every Blowout I’ve ever been to. People hanging out and enjoying some local music – so nothing changed
10. Final thought – Your opinion on what makes a good band or good music counts for a lot less when you front one of the most talentless tribe ever to come out of Detroit. I honestly always thought you were trying to make a joke but jr was sooooo serious posting songs, unplugged performances and being interviewed that you guys thought you were really on to something, Really?

So there are haves and have nots in everything we do. Politics occurs in every form of business or pleasure. There are favorites at work, home and school. Getting gigs in Detroit is all about using your friends and influences and really quite frankly, hard work. So if the JCM feels like they’ve been treated unfairly in some way, get in line. - jr sucks

Bryan Metro said...

-jr retired from the band months ago and I was planning on shredding the guitar at HamFest. Your #8 shows how much you are wrong. I never exposed another band. All I did was show how shitty most of the bands are around here. The Seraphine Collective exposed that band to get publicity on themselves, and get them kicked off, and everybody could be happy. I never stuck up for anybody and I was always honest. Honest is better than blind doofus.

Bryan Metro said...

Oh....and wait a minute.....or a month.....lots of things changed...

Anonymous said...

And still never address your attitude about women and the way they. Never address it. Never. That a lot less than honest. I Amat have gotten the beginning 8 wrong, sorry about that but not the rest of it.

Anonymous said...

They way they look.

Bryan Metro said...

Address it???? I have been posting here for 10 years. I poke fun at everybody. Male, female, transgression. Its a glorified roast and it gets people publicity much more than the Milo Minute. If you put yourself in public view then you deal with the pokes. How can you not understand this. And for the record, I find Sadie much more attractive than TJ Pretty Ghoul.

Anonymous said...

Yes Metro, please have your mea culpa and then wear a stop rape culture shirt. Which slogan will finally save us all???

Bryan Metro said...

Here's the deal and I will spin it for you quick..... No matter what anybody does or says these dark days of the year of our lord 2017 (see, some people will say leave the deity out of it and some will say "God? Awesome") some people will have something to bitch about and some people will have something to praise. Some people love the Milo Show because he takes the time and effort to showcase local talent, but others disagree with him calling himself a music journalist because its so tame and offers no objectivity; blindly liking every post by the HMF when there was dissension and corruption everywhere. Now THAT'S the lead! That's your story if you really are a "journalist" like ME (lol). But in my spoiler alert, as predicted, the HMF is in the rear view and everybody involved are like rats on a sinking ship. I was right all along, as usual. And you know what really rubs me the wrong way is that after all the pandering, and apologies, and "mission statement" after "mission statement", neither the Fest nor Ben's Encore had the motivation or energy to actually THANK the people who paid to come out, the bands who played for free (was Queen Kwong part of those??), the volunteers they solicited up until the day of the show, the venues who hosted the show? Was there any type of statement there? A statement of positivity and gratitude from the committee? Of course not because if you have been reading here the past few weeks, I have exposed how shallow and corrupt these people are.

So to everyone who comes to this blog, the last bastion of real honest journalism in this town (along with the occasional boob) I want to say thank you to you. Some people love to claim that only five people read this but my numbers show more in the thousands, and everything that happened the past month seems to support that. So which slogan will save us all? Well this month it'll be "Stop Rape Culture", the laziest slogan ever. Duhhhh rape is bad. Don't do it and don't encourage anyone to do it. (That was expressing the banality of the slogan and not making light of a serious offense for you people who want to dissect every word) Next month it'll be "Make George Morris Great Again". Now this is the real issue because it'll take a lot of minds to make that happen. Okay, that was a joke, he was never great to begin with. See, its satire!!! So the best slogan would have to be "Fuck Off (but keep reading)".


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