Bryan Metro's Mega-Blowout Lineup

Someone told me the other day that they're still doing Blowout (huh?). I didn't believe them because there was no schedule on the Blowout website as far as I could see and since Detroit is the major city equivalent of the Latin language. But those timely bastards at the Metro Times finally released the schedule a scant 1 week before the event (ha...event). They actually did a better job than usual including descriptions written by someone whose thesaurus only has two pages (and they only contain the words "quirky" "poppy" "riffola" and "poppy") along with photographs taken by that one person in your introductory high school photo class. Anywho, I copied and pasted the all star lineup and decided to break out the old word association. See you all there, but not really. Blowout is so Empire it hurts.

After Dark Amusement Park-  Who?



Amoebas- What?




Amy Gore and Her Valentines- Expired Candy




Artificial Agent-Artificial Interest




AudioLogical-Nope




Bad Party- Blowout




Bars of Gold- Loafs of Feces




Beast in the Field-Ex Wife




Beekeepers-Not Happening




Before Pictures- Before Success




Belle Ghoul- Pass Dumb No




Benthos- Mentos




Betty Cooper- Boring as the name




Big Mess- Blowout




Black Jake and the Carnies-Who?




Body Holographic-They learn to tune yet?




Butter Made Records All-Stars-Somehow I doubt that




Butterwolf- Butt

Charlie Slick and Thunda Clap- Oh Raymond




CHAW!!- Oh Hell Naw




Child Bite- Beards #hollywooddef




Citizen Zero-The Turnout




City Love-Irony




Cold Men Young- Don't care




Congress- Worse than the Real One




Cosmic Light Shapes- 4th Grade Band Name




Crochetcatpause- Really?




Danny and the Darleans- Pass and the Passes




Danny Brown- Wow




Desolation Angels- Actually Like this Name




Destroy This Place-The best band playing Blowout and any Blowout ever natch.




Detroit 442- Huh?




DJ Eric Allen- Resume Builder




Doop and the Inside Outlaws- Poop




Duane the Teenage Weirdo- Made me chuckle




Dutch Pink- Oh really?




Electric Fire Babies- Treading Water




Electric Lion Sound Wave Experiment- Aight




EsQuire- EsQueer




Estuaries- Who?




Factory Girls- Nope




Fake Surfers-Fake Festival




FAWN- YAWN (oldie but goodie)




Ferndale Acid Scene-Should be smoking something else in their MT Info Pic




FlashClash- FlashClap




Frustrations- Still Around? ok




FUR- Merkin




Future Slang- Yo




G.D. McIntosh- This ponce still around?




Ghoulie- Blewie




Ginkgo Records Showcase-Gone in 60 Seconds




Glossies- Who?




Golden Torso- Kate Upton




Greater Alexander- Skarsgard




Growwing Pains-Headache




Heartbreak Dallas and the Unfaithfuls- Dummies




Hordes- Bores




House Phone- Unplugged




Human Eye- Ice Cream Man




illymack- Blip





Instant Party- Irony 2.0




Italian Picture Factory- Whacked (off)




Jeecy and the Jungle- Nah




Jesse and the Gnome- No idea




Johnny Headband- Slum mutch?




Joint Chiefs of Detroit-Ok name




K.I.D.S.- P.A.S.S.




Katie Grace-Call me (but not really)




Keep On Trash DJs Dance Party- Got one word right




Kenny Tudrick- Nope




Kim Fowley- Really?....Really? Hopefully he'll bring the charred remains of a KISS cover band.




Lawless Carver- Solitary Turnout




Le Ren- Le Nope




Leaves of Red- um




Legendary Creatures- On Fumes




Lettercamp- Drab




Lightning Love- Hunka Chunka




Lizzerd- What?




Looking Up at Down- Looking Down at a Nope




Lord Scrummage- Deadbeat




Maria Rose and Swiss Kicks- Dead Beat




Mass Solo Revolt- ?




Matt Jones and The Reconstruction- Bryan Metro and the Boredom




Me and the Ghost- Oooooh scwary




Mick Bassett and the Marthas- Detroit's Jimmy Bond




Misty Lyn and the Big Beautiful- zzzzzz




Monsieur Guillaume and His Zydeco Hepcats- Teenage Hepcats




Mumble- ok... nnnnppe




Nobody's Business-You sold me on that one




Oblisk-Noblisk




Old Empire- Nold Empire




Outrageous Cherry- Spoiled




Ozenza- Who?




Passalacqua- What?




Patrick Davy and the Ghosts- Enough with the Ghosts




Pewter Cub-Huh?




Phantasmagoria- Phantasmaboria




Phantom Cats- Wha?




Pink Lightning- Enough




Poor Player- Irony 3.0




Precious Few- At this one




Project Fleshwound- Made me chuckle




Pupils- Closed




Qualia-Queefalia




Rai Knight- I'll be there (yeahhh raight)




Ricky Rat- Um




RLK and V- F and U




Robin Goodfellow- Who?




Robin Parrent-Who?




Ryan Dillaha-Who?




Ryan Racine and Gas For Less- No




Seedsmen to the World- MT description "a group no one has heard yet".  Not gonna change




Sex Police- Nope




Sisters of Your Sunshine Vapor- Love their primordial splooge




Six and the Sevens- Zeros




Skeleton Birds- What?




Skinny Wrists-Cut my wrists




Slaves to the Pavement- Curb Stomp




Smoke aka The Black Cal Ripken- False Alarm




Snoil-Spoil





Société Moon- Oooh fancy fucks




Songs from the Moon- No




SROS Lords- Spare Me




String of Ponies- Noose




Superbomb-Blowout




The Beggars-Social Security




The Blackman- The Impaler




The Crooks- Anthony Morrow




The Detroit Pleasure Society- JCM




The Ditrbombs- Older than you




The Freewheelin’ Jordan Zielke-Nope




The Fresh Tones-Irony 4.0




The Garden Party- Who?




The Good Things- Aren't here




The Hentchmen-Older than the Ditrbombs maybe




The Hounds Below- Lineup #1654654561346789456137464565463546546546743
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The Juliets- Trying to think of something wittzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz




The Kickstand Band- Good luck




The Kodaks- oh yeahhhh keepin the scene aliiiive




The Muggs- Older than the Ditrbombs and Hentchmen combined




The Mythics- Who?




The People's Temple-Empty




The Phantom Verses-The Invisible People




The Polish Muslims- Gimmicks never work




The Prime Ministers- Again with the nope




The Q- The ?




The Raw Dealers- yeah ok no




The Real Spicolis- Who?




The Sights- Unseen by me




The Sin-Bads-Made me chuckle




The Skye Thomas Experience- Failed




The Sugarcoats- Ok, "You're gonna be great!"




The Summer Pledge- To never play another one of these.




The Vatican-Supergroup....of nobodies?




The Walking Beat- Dead Beat




The Wrong Numbers- No




Thumbs Up- Too easy




Timothy Monger State Park- Stupid




Tone and Niche- Bone




Troy Gregory- Need a tambourine player?




Twine Time- Twee




Warhorses- Nope




Water Cops- Who?




Waxgordon- Waht?




Wells-Nopes




Wilson- Favorite Band Name yet




Zombie Jesus and the Chocolate Sunshine Band-Nice try nobodies.




There you have it, and for a special bonus here is my free of charge Blowout Preview-  I will not be anywhere near this event.

See you in 2013!  Post Empire Blowout.
From the Iceman Commeth,
Bryan Metro