Out now on Checkers Records Collective, the new LP by JCM, "The Fall of Bryan Metro".

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Thursday, December 3, 2009

Top Ten 80's Action Movies

Probably for the rest of the year the Lavender Blog will consist solely of Lists. Always innovators, we are attempting to burn you all out on lists before all the other chumps post their "Year End" lists but you won't get burned out because everyone loves lists. Don't even try to deny it. Hell, I could come up with a "Top Ten Reasons Why You Love Lists" list (maybe in the middle of December). Anywho, look for a new list daily from myself and "Doofus" Drago. We may even do guest lists (e-mail me at bryanmetro1@yahoo.com). Haha guest lists get it. 'Top Ten People You Would Put on Your Dream Guest List' List (there's another one!) So when you visit Lavender be sure to look down a few posts to make sure you catch all the fun. We're gonna have content coming out of your noses. And here's my list for today:

Top Ten 80's Action Movies

10. No Retreat No Surrender 2-This one starred a bunch of no names and has beens and more no names and Cynthia Rothrock. The ending managed to rip off both Rambo 2 and Commando, which you can find below (gf gets blown away and a ridiculous fight scene). I haven't seen this in a while but the fight scene at the end where the ridiculously Pumped up Euro soldier gets dragged by his neck full speed by a Jeep while draped in a flag INTO a alligator pit merits inclusion on this list over my other potential number 10's (American Ninja 2, Rambo 3, Cobra).

9.Rambo 2-This one has fallen on my list the past few years, but it still is a classic and an omission on this list may affect credibility (unlike leaving off the works of Van Damne or Seagal) I remember seeing this as part of a double feature with Ghostbusters (??!!) with my grandma in the mid-80's. Watching the scene where Stallone is pulled up from the mudpit bottomless with my grammy scarred my for life.

8. Total Recall- The sure sign of a classic is quotable lines and nearly all of these have quotable lines (aside from #10). I always crack up at the "2 Weeks" segment and who can turn away a girl with triple boobs or a cabbie with a claw hand, or Quato, or the over the top bugging out at the end. Funny story, I was having sex with an ex and I was on top and I was looking at her going nuts and for some reason, the final scene of this movie popped in my head and I just started cracking up. I had to stop and run into the bathroom trying to control myself. Ahhh 2006....

7. Raiders of the Lost Ark- I was on the fence on including this because it could be classified as Adventure (that's next week). But I just watched this the other day and from start to finish it is non stop. The truck scene at the end?? The entire score? Karen Allen in her prime!! C'mon. Awesome. Watch this again and you'll see. You'll see...

6. & 5. Lethal Weapon 1 and 2- I had to include both of these just because I couldn't pick just one. They are kinda like the Evil Dead 1 and 2 of Action movies. The first one is a little more serious and the second one is more or less a remake but with more humor. Hell, both series reference the Three Stooges! I think Part 2 may be my favorite of the two but Part 1 does have 'in his prime' Busey. The series where Mel Gibson antagonizes the South African bad guy throughout the day (holding a sign at a rally, driving alongside him with that smirk) is a personal fav. Plus Patsy Kensit is SMOKING HOT, Pesci is funny as hell, and the scene where Riggs goes ape-shit and takes out an entire house with a truck...well that's pure Joel Silver. Also has a nifty George Harrison solo tune at the end "Cheer Down".

4. Robocop- You knew this one was coming. Once again, infinitely quotable with many memorable scenes. -jr and I have this system where if we're hosting company we do something called "15 Minute Robocop" where we cherry pick through the dvd (Weller getting blown away, "Bitches Leave", and the big finale where the dude from ER actually dissolves in Toxic Waste.) This universally breaks the ice in a room and the evening goes smashing. Robocop Top 5 on this list? I'd buy that for a dollar!

3. Commando- A true classic. This also would make my Top Ten Comedies List. From start to finish a joy ride. I was around the same age as Alyssa Milano when this came out so I totally could relate to her character. Also, Bennett is probably my favorite villian of the 80's (chain mail??!!) next to movies 2 & 1 on this list (and maybe 4 and and 8). The fight scene at the end is EPIC where Bennett is thrown into an electrical grid, electrocued for a few seconds and follows it up with a barrage of punches to Arnold is hilarious. I expected him to take the pipe he was impaled with and use it as a weapon. Top Notch

2. Predator- I remember seeing this when I was 8 and thinking it was the greatest thing ever. Decades later I still feel the same way. This is what the Expendables (2010) will hope to be (along with #'s 10, 9, 6, 5, and 3). There is so much badassery in this movie that I can't do it justice. The effects are fantastic and it's a very original concept taken from a well worn source (The Most Dangerous Game). I'm so giddy right now I want someone to come up to me and say, "Bryan, you're blogging." And of course my reply, "I ain't got time to blog."
*Also, if you haven't, check out Part 2 starring Danny Glover, Bill Paxton, and Busey. Very cool also (plus some brief full frontal kids...)

1. Die Hard- This would actually probably be number 2 or 3 on my list, but any list of Action movies must conclude with Die Hard and I don't want to disrupt this. I remember getting ramped up to see this is the theater by videotaping and watching over and over the E Network's (before it was the E Network) 'making of' for this, namely the rooftop helicopter scene. (I also watched the Making of The Burbs special hosted by Rick Ducommun the same amount of times). The perfect action movie and it's still referenced today (Funny People).

Honorable Mentions: Roadhouse, American Ninja 2, Delta Force, Bloodsport, 48 Hours, Rambo 3, Cobra, and countless others.

Notable Omissions: Aliens (Sci Fi List), Big Trouble in Little China ( Sci Fi/Fantasy)

From the Iceman Commeth,

Bryan Metro


The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre said...

stone cold?
action jackson?
above the law?
marked for death?
hard to kill?

you missed the mark bigtime


Bryan Metro said...

Actually I did cover them. They are mentioned by "countless others".
Your diplomatic immunity has just been revoked noggggggggg.

The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre said...

mel gibson peaked in thunderdome


Bryan Metro said...

And this is why I am doing the movie lists....

Vee Arr said...

You forgot Terms of Endearment


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